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Su She wishes the jianghu had wattpad, he'd be famous

Summary:

Su She works through his dissatisfaction in the method familiar to most of us, through writing RPF self insert fic where he gets the man.

Notes:

mod note: medium is in-universe RPF with framing narrative

Work Text:

Su Minshan was a meticulous note taker, an excellent administrator, and had by far the best calligraphy of anyone he had ever met (with the exception of Jin Guangyao's perfect hand, which was so elegant it made Su Minshan feel like each brush stroke trailed across his own skin). 

Su Minshan had learnt well from the habits of the Lan Sect. Self discipline. Practice. A strong hierarchy which allowed peace to be maintained between otherwise desperate ranks. 

Of course he had to discard many of the expectations and limiting habits of the Lan when he formed the Moling Su Sect, as the Lan were far too concerned with the image of propriety, while ignoring virtuous action and merit. Su Minshan could not support such contradiction within his own disciples.

One of the many habits he had formed under the guidance of the Lan was keeping a personal journal, which had been encouraged as a way to work through conflicts which may become external if acted upon, but were, of their nature, internal conflicts within the self. His teacher when Su She was very young had suggested he write out what he wanted, and what he felt were the barriers to his goals, and how he could overcome them by working diligently. The past is often a story we tell ourselves, the teacher had said, and so we can decide on our future in the same way.

Su She's journalling was less meticulous than his administration, but his thoughts never ran faster than his brush, so his calligraphy was, in this as in all things, excellent.

 

 

The majestic sect leader put down his qugin, feeling the music in his soul as the last notes echoed through the air like hummingbird wings striking falling blossom. Su She looked up at the perfect face of his long time friend, Lan Wangji, Hanguang-jun, and noticed tears streaking upon his face, wet stains of tears dripping upon his beautiful white silk robes, like the very heavens were crying. 

"Wangji, my most beloved friend, why do you cry?"

"I have betrayed our friendship, Su She," the sobbing Cultivator said. "I did not know until this very moment that I was unsatisfied by our friendship! I want more than companionship. I cannot be satisified through devotion, or loyalty, or the respect of dear friends."

"Wangji? What do you mean? Of course respect and devotion is the tie that binds us together. Your devotion and friendship was our bond through all our years of war, and strife, and my having to leave you behind with the Lan Sect."

"I did not know then that what I feel for you is deeper than friendship! I love you, Su She!"

It was not usual for Lan Wangji to express his feelings so openly. He guarded his feelings like a jealous dog guards a rotting fish head. He must have been very moved by Su She's musical genius. He spoke elegantly to all, but only expressed his deepest thoughts to those closest to him. Besides Su She, his childhood confidant, Lan Wangji only spoke warmly to his brother, as no one else was worthy of his attention. 

"Love? Wangji, how can you speak of love?! You are the mighty Hanguang Jun, halfway ascended to the heavens! You cannot love a lowly sect leader like myself, however accomplished I may be."

"I do love you, Su She! Until I heard the perfection of your playing, I was confused by my own desires. But now I have acknowledged that your skills are the perfect match for mine. Now I can see that you are my zhiyin, and your music is the only thing that can tell the truth of my soul."

"Lan Wangji!" Sect Leader Su cried, overwhelmed with emotion.

"Your music revealed the truth I was ignoring, Su She."

"Wangji, I have always known we were alike, entwined souls, but I thought my devotion was deeper than yours."

"Please, Su She, accept my heart deep apology. I can see the truth of myself now. I would pledge my loyalty to you, and only you. Will you accept this lovely disciple into the rising Moling Su Sect, so I may spend my days at your side, and earn your affection with my devotion?"

"It is too late to earn my affection!" Sect Leader Su She cried, for he was moved to tears himself by seeing Lan Wangji's devotion. 

"Why?" Wangji proclaimed. "Do I not have time to prove myself worthy to you, Su She? Did we not grow up together in the bosom of the Lan Clan? Wouldn't it be fitting if I were to grow to a true man in the succor of the Su Sect?"

"Alas!" exclaimed Sect Leader Su, "if only you had spoken of your desires long ago, when all my affection was already yours."

"I could not speak of what I did not realise. I was foolish, blinded by the cruel rules and strictures of the Lan Sect, where they stomp on passion, and reject love. But I have realised the truth now. Is it too late for me?"

"It is too late for me to return your love in the same way," Sect Leader Su said, gently, because he was always a generous man.

"But why? Can I prove my devotion through music? May I have the responsibility and duty to guard your body during these trying times? Please, Su She, allow me to stay at your side."

"I cannot return your devotion, Wangji," Sect Leader Su said, placing a gentle kiss on Huangan Jun's brow, just above his sacred ribbon that was a symbol of the rules which had kept the two would-be-lovers apart for so long.

Lan Wangji's tears dripped to the floor before the Sect Leader's feet. Su Minshan caressed his devoted friend's hair. "Although I have always been your devoted friend, my love now lies elsewhere."

It was at this moment Jin Guangyao floated into the room, his footsteps so light it was like every step was a dance.  He was carrying his son in his arms, who spread his arms out towards Sect Leader Su in greeting. 

"A'Shan," Jin Guangyao said, "please take our dear Rusong. He is being fuzzy for me, and he is always so easily soothed by your presence."

Jin Guangyao knew of Su Minshan's complicated feelings for the boy Lan Wangji, who he had loved in his own boyhood. That connection had disappeared like a mirage after the war. Jin Guangyao knew these things, and so took a stance between his beloved Su She and the interloping Hanguang Jun. 

Hanguang jun sunk to his knees in front of Jin Zongzhu, as was right, since he was in the presence of two Sect Leaders. 

 

Su She worried at his lip. That was not right. Even in his wildest fantasies, Hanguang Jun would not debase himself like that. He shall have to return to this scene another time, another day, until he can carve a perfect moment from the world, with all the details it deserved. 

But he could do the next part.

 

Hanguang jun challenged Jin Guangyao to a duel, since he was a jealous man and did not trust Jin Guangyao with either his elder brother or his desired lover. 

Su She could not stand the idea of Hanguang Jun hurting his beloved A'Yao, and he also did not want Jin Guangyao to hurt Hanguang Jun. He had to think quickly to stop blood being shed over his attention. 

Su She returned to his qigun, and played the song his beloved A'Yao had been teaching him. One of the many secrets jealously hoarded by the Lan, and put to better use in Su She's hands. 

It was very tricky to make sure that his music only affected Hanguang Jun, and did not also sweep A'Yao's spiritual energy away with its sussarant glow. Su She was an excellent musician, one who did not rely on natural talent, instead on his desire to improve, and his tremendous work ethic. He was up to the task.

It should have been impossible to only steal the spiritual power of Hanguang Jun without affecting his beloved A'Yao, as they could both hear the music, and were equally within its pool of influence. Su She was the only Cultivator not yet Immortal who could manage such a feat.

Hanguang Jun collapsed before Su She's feet when he felt his spiritual power leave his body. 

Lan Wangji begged to be allowed to stay at Su She's side, learning from him, but Su She was generous, and did not want to cause any strife within his household, so implored Hanguang Jun to leave the lands of his sect and never return. 

"You must follow the chaos, my beloved friend, Wangji, and never return to my side. There is only politics and misery here for you, and you have never been good at either."  

 

Su She put down his brush, satisfied. 

"Aiyah," he scolded himself, on his fourth reread of his vision, "I forgot about Rusong during the duel."