Chapter Text
r/relationship_advice
u/throwRAkiss 13 hours ago
I (29M) accidentally kissed my roommate (30M) while leaving to work and no we are not dating.
It really was an accident! I was in a rush so I tripped over my poor cat and fell into my roommate. With my lips. On his lips. The problem is we barely know each other? Not because he's not cool. He's really cool and a dream roommate compared to my past experiences in this city. We've both just been so busy we haven't been able to properly hang out.
But that's not the only thing. I know he's gay and I knew for a while that I wasn't straight either but that accidental kiss made me really think about it. And made me realize I think I'm attracted to him a little? I won't pretend to you internet strangers… he's hot and I liked it. Big problem with that! I recently moved in because he was looking for someone to replace his ex-boyfriend's spot and all I know is that it was messy and he was heartbroken… and I just kissed him!
Even if it's an accident I'm dying inside and don't know what to do! This just happened half an hour ago. I really did want to become friends but what if this made it weird forever? The instant attraction is really getting to me too but maybe I can ignore it? I'm writing all this out in the parking lot before going into work and trying to not freak out
I'm embarrassed and confused… I don't know! What do I say when I get back later? Is there any chance I can save my dignity and pretend it didn't happen? Please tell me what to do!!
↑109 | 224 comments
u/anonymousse 8 hours ago
You're making it more complicated than it has to be. OP, you said it yourself. Ignore it. You don't have to act on your attraction and you can still be friends. Look at the bright side now you both have a funny story you can look back on and laugh at
u/rocknraul 6 hours ago
The famous last words of ignoring your attraction while still being friendsu/ouchyikesirs 4 hours ago
Oof good luck OPu/rasputinrizz 4 hours ago
Give him a break he's having a sexuality crisis
u/shtickly 7 hours ago
You tripped and fell onto your roommate with your lips on his lips? bait used to be so believable
u/boxingbadger21 7 hours ago
I don't know it could be real who would make something like this up?u/poutineplace 7 hours ago
waiting for the update when he accidentally falls onto his roommate's dick!Remindme 4 months
u/shitstick 9 hours ago
This sounds so ridiculous I feel bad for you
After a long, exhausting day of shoving the incident to the back of his mind so he could focus on set, the very thing he successfully avoided slams right back to the front of his consciousness the moment he turns his phone back on to look at the damage.
In the privacy of his car, Junhui allows himself a moment to read through the comments and crash out before he puts himself back together. An actor will always have a flair for the dramatics and he thinks, given the long twelve-hour day he's had playing a secret amnesiatic billionaire CEO for his newest vertical drama project, he deserves this. He reclines his seat backwards, rubs his hands over his eyes, and just screams.
It helps more than he thought it would— far more than the responses to his post, that's for sure! He knew it would be a long shot to expect clarity and comfort from internet strangers but he was desperate this morning. He also underestimated how eager people are to twist the knife under anonymity. For every well meaning comment, there were a handful more that delighted in taking entertainment from his plight.
The overwhelming consensus, though, is that the situation is exactly as awkward as he explained it to be and he won't be able to escape it.
Junhui rights his seat back up and takes another deep breath before pulling out of the parking lot. It's fine. It will be fine. If he's stalling by taking the longer route back and stopping for a late night meal on the way, that's no one's business but his own.
It's a double-edged sword. With traffic and extra time comes the opportunity for his mind to wander and fixate on the event over and over again, much like he did during his commute in the morning.
As he thinks back on it, it’s hard not to cringe. That Reddit comment is right. This situation is so ridiculous that it almost doesn't feel real. Who trips over their cat, accidentally kisses their roommate as a result, and then realizes a sudden attraction over it? There's no way this kind of thing happens in real life but here he is, in the starring role. It's as ridiculous of a plot as the vertical dramas he's been stuck with booking lately and that would be hilariously ironic if he wasn't burning with embarrassment over it. He can almost see the title now: I Accidentally Kissed My Hot Gay Roommate and I Liked It.
The thing is, there's a small part of him that was waiting for a shoe to drop. The hot gay roommate he accidentally kissed, Joshua, appeared in his life via an angel by the name of Yoon Jeonghan.
Jeonghan was a model he befriended and occasionally worked with during fashion weeks before he decided to dive full-time into his acting career. It was nothing short of divine intervention that he reconnected with Jeonghan at a networking mixer here in L.A. around the same time he was desperately trying to get out of his living situation.
At the time, Junhui was rooming with three fellow transplants who were trying to make it like he was (good!) and did things like weekly required bonding activities and excursions for Content™ (not so good!). He understood the hustle and at first was happy to support and cooperate, but then came feeling like an alien in his own home, the irritation of feeling like he was being used because he was fortunate to have a car, and the realization that he could not keep up with the pace of people who thought black pepper was too spicy—and he loves spice!
He was warned and moderately anticipated that his quality of life in L.A. depended on the circle he was in. It didn't take long to realize he very much ended up in the wrong one but it was hard to get out of that circle when he was living in it.
Combined with the fact that the industry was dead by the time he completed his acting conservatory and his casting prospects weren't ideal, it was safe to say he was feeling pretty miserable and itching to unload on a familiar face once he saw him. Jeonghan was bored and itching for gossip in return, patient and sympathetic before he pulled out the secret trick from his sleeve— my friend Joshua is looking for a roommate! Ta-da!
The apartment itself was a humble 2-bedroom in a Koreatown duplex that Joshua had been living in for years, so his friendly relationship with the halmeoni who owned it kept the rent cost low. With an actual parking spot, pet allowance for his dear cat he rescued, and an in-unit washer and dryer, it was undoubtedly a diamond in the rough for all the amenities that came with it.
Joshua Hong, as well, ticked boxes Junhui didn't know he had in the first place. Beyond Jeonghan vouching for his friend, he was local to the city and grew up here, an artist who somehow juggled a small business alongside his day jobs and hobbies, and best of all he had no expectations about weekly required bonding activities.
Junhui didn't even mind that he turned out to be the kind of guy who brings out his guitar and covers Sunday Morning even when it's neither Sunday, nor morning. Joshua was mindful enough to ask Junhui if he would be a bother during the two times he was home to hear it. With a sweet voice like that, how could he?
Case in point, Joshua is cool and everything you could ask for in a roommate while living in a city you still haven't fully settled into yet. This is the start of a social circle that feels right if he could make a friend out of him later down the road. The circumstances were too suspiciously perfect that Junhui had to wonder what's the catch?
Here it is. The worst possible thing that could happen to him: a crush on his roommate who just got out of a bad relationship all because of a kiss that he didn't even mean to do in the first place.
It's close to midnight now. Maybe Joshua isn't awake anyway. This is what Junhui justifies to himself and hopes for as he pulls into the driveway. He thanks all of his lucky stars that the universe had at least this win going for him today because when he turns the key and steps inside, the only thing he has to face is his eight pound fluffy nemesis.
Mroww.
“Malatang,” Junhui admonishes under his breath despite lifting the orange tabby and snuggling her until she purrs. “You know what you did. Why do you hate me?”
Suspended in the air, Malatang stares at him for a moment before a paw reaches out to boop his nose.
“I love you too you little gremlin,” Junhui sighs.
・・・
After some much needed sleep, Junhui faces his reckoning the following morning with a sense of clarity that wasn't there before. This time, Junhui is prepared.
For the second day of production even with his call time being an hour later, he isn't taking any chances. He's careful to wake up early so that there's no rushing or tripping over cats. In fact, when he steps out of his bedroom and sees Joshua awake and in the kitchen cold pressing juice, he's like, really chill about it.
Junhui greets him with a casual hey that has Joshua startling and turning to him with widened eyes, his mouth parting open slightly before it smooths into a pretty smile. Junhui knows how soft that mouth is now.
“Morning,” Joshua responds, and Junhui swallows.
Junhui walks past him to the drawer to retrieve a can of wet food for Malatang, who comes running in once she hears the sound of the can opening. “Uh, about yesterday,” he begins while pouring food into a bowl, “I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable I… obviously didn't mean to kiss you like that. I hope we can forget it and pretend it didn't happen?”
It's only after Malatang is all settled in with her breakfast does he have the nerve to face Joshua directly again. He's still smiling, so that's good right?
“You're fine. I thought—” Joshua breaks off then, sighs, and continues after a breath. “Aish, I was afraid you would be uncomfortable with me.”
What?! “Why?”
“I know you said you're okay with me being gay but I wasn't sure if you'd, like, freak out on me even if it was an accident.”
“No I wouldn't,” Junhui shakes his head with a frown. “Besides, it's not like I'm straight.”
“You aren't?”
Joshua looks so surprised that Junhui gets nervous and once again consciously aware about how the other man directly confirmed that he isn't. But also— “Yes? Did I never say that?”
“No.”
“Oh.” Junhui's face is warm but his acting skills are coming in clutch right now. “I'm not straight or uncomfortable with you, to be clear. So. Are we good?”
“No, yeah. You're fine,” Joshua says, smiling once again while turning back to his fruits. “Want some juice?”
Tension unwinds in his chest. Relief. See, this is what Junhui means. He's really lucky to have a roommate who is this cool and he'll be damned if he messes that up.
・・・
Because the universe can't leave well enough alone, the accidental kiss turns out to be the catalyst that brings them closer together. As is typical with the fast paced production schedule for these dramas, Junhui wraps up his time on set by the end of the week. This is how Joshua comes home to see him flopped out face down on the couch with Malatang sitting on his back.
“Are you alive?” Joshua asks.
“Give me a couple hours and I'll be a functional human again.” He goes on to explain that this is a common ritual of his to shake off his character at the end of each project and to straight up deflate after being on 110% energy for days, so it's nothing to worry about.
Junhui seems to lack a filter at the moment because he continues to say what's on his mind, like how it makes sense this is the first time Joshua's seeing him this way since, in the two months he's been living here, he didn't have any projects going on aside from auditions until now. Unfortunately, he doesn't have anything lined up next so it's back to auditions for a while but he's been getting consistent work with verticals at least—and that's when Junhui realizes he hasn't stopped talking.
He lifts his head, an apology on the tip of his tongue for talking Joshua's ear off unprompted, but Joshua only smiles back like all he was content with doing was listening. So what comes out instead is: "I can see why you and Jeonghan are friends."
Joshua is even more pleased, his eyes crinkling. “You don't know the half of it.”
“That's what he'd say!”
“But what makes you say that?”
Through the exchange and movement, Malatang hopped off and decided playing with a crinkle ball would be more exciting. Junhui flips over fully so that he's face up and he shrugs. “I was about to say sorry for yapping but something tells me you'd pout at me or skin me alive for saying that. Very Jeonghan.”
Joshua laughs, bright and beautiful, and Junhui is so glad he's laying down. “I wouldn't go that far but you're right. I'm happy to know there's nothing to worry about and you get to rest. It sounds busy.”
“Eh?” Junhui interjects. “Busy says the guy who came back from what?” He presses his lips together into a frown. “I actually don't know what you do day to day but I know you do a lot.”
“I was at the studio today,” Joshua answers, lifting up the box in his hands. “My day to day is as chaotic as yours. If I'm not at the studio, I'm here or in office for my UI job. We're both busy then.”
Having no argument for that, Junhui says, “Well if I'm busy and resting then you should, too.”
“Touché,” Joshua concedes. He looks down at the box and says before walking toward his room, “Actually, I'll be right back. I have just the thing.”
While Joshua steps away, Junhui exhales and closes his eyes. He isn't sure how much time passes but the next thing he knows, he's smelling something amazing. When he cracks an eye open, Joshua is placing a lit candle on the coffee table in front of him.
“I'm selling candles soon. I don't have a name for this one yet but the notes are lavender and chamomile! Perfect for relaxing. The soy wax is hand poured by me and I only use natural ingredients so it should be safe for Malatang. I make the vessels myself at the studio.”
“Have I ever said that you're really cool? Because you are.”
Junhui has the pleasure of watching his eyes light up at the compliment. “Thanks, Junhui. You're cool, too. I'll leave you to rest but I hope it helps.”
Junhui flips over again once his roommate goes back to his room, barely managing to restrain a groan. Joshua couldn't only be cool; he had to be sweet and thoughtful, too. How is Junhui supposed to handle that?
It goes like this for a couple more weeks as the heat of the Summer boils into early Autumn. Whereas before they were like two ships passing in the night, after they orbit around each other constantly.
It's the little things that has Junhui keeping himself in check and mentally comparing Joshua to a crow; things like Joshua leaving out an extra glass of his juice of the day for him in the morning, Joshua sharing the batch of delicious cookies he baked with him, or Joshua giving him a bracelet he made because he thought it would suit him. It happens so often that Junhui decides it's only fair that he return the energy, in the way that he knows best.
“I'm thinking of a hot pot night,” Junhui suggests one day. “You in?”
“I'd love that!” Joshua accepts.
So they have hot pot night, at home, which is a complete surprise to Joshua. The man assumed that meant going out somewhere in the neighborhood up until the point Junhui texts him from the grocery store to confirm which vegetables he wanted.
The surprise reaches its peak and shows clear on his face when he comes into the kitchen and sees Junhui chopping up the bok choy while cooing at Malatang at his feet, “You will be eaten!”
When the cat meows in protest like she understands, all Joshua can do is laugh.
“I hope you like spice,” Junhui hedges upon noticing his presence.
“I can take it,” Joshua nods.
Junhui looks up at the ceiling and exclaims, “Thank Garfield!” At Joshua's amused curiosity, he explains while straining out the mala broth: “I'm telling you my old roommates from hell can't and even when I said I also do a mild broth they were not down for hot pot night, so malatang became my best friend before Malatang became my best friend.”
“That's rough, man,” Joshua tsks sympathetically. “I will never not be down for hot pot.”
“And this is why you're better! Well, one of the ways.”
“There are other ways?”
“All of the ways,” Junhui says very seriously, ignoring his warming face.
Joshua preens. “Like what?”
“I really mean in all the ways.”
“Now I need to know how bad it was.”
“If you insist.” Junhui finishes off the prep by adding both the mala broth and mild broth into the yin yang pot.
“Let me help.” Joshua doesn't wait before he gathers up the plates with prepped ingredients and brings them over to the dining table. Junhui joins him with the pot and turns it on.
“Like that, for one,” Junhui picks up the conversation once they're sat across each other mixing their dipping sauces. “You're considerate.”
“Oh no.”
While they eat, Junhui talks and talks about the different ways his former roommates mandated outings together in the name of becoming friends at first, all while failing to mention that it came with an asterisk of social media content. He was voluntold! He talks about realizing their conversations were shallow and the cultural differences became impossible to ignore. It feels fitting, then, to be honest.
“You're kind of a life-saver,” Junhui admits. “I'm still sorry for the circumstances that brought you to needing a new roommate but I'm grateful.”
“You know what? I'm grateful, too,” Joshua muses. “It's okay. It's easy to feel lonely and I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. But if you ever need anything, I got you. I can show you around and revisit those places you didn't get to fully enjoy with you, if you want.”
Junhui has to break his gaze away from the intensity of Joshua's genuineness, lest his heart beat louder in his ears. “I might seriously take you up on that offer. Thank you. You're a great friend.”
For a moment, Junhui thinks the conversation will taper off because the other man goes quiet, but then Joshua shrugs and retorts, “Says the guy who put all this together. Thank you for hot pot night. This was really nice.”
Junhui's cheeks hurt from smiling. “Any time.”
The conversation deepens as they scarf down the rest of their food. They exchange stories about the cities they grew up in, the different pace of life in Shenzhen during his youth and in Joshua's case, how he could never imagine living anywhere else, until they fall into a comfortable silence. Every now and then when his eyes meet Joshua's, there's a tinge of something there Junhui is afraid to examine too closely, so he doesn't.
・・・
Joshua keeps to his word. They compare calendars and get into a rhythm of Joshua showing Junhui his favorite coffee shops and restaurants during their overlapping free time. Some days, they are content with staying in, watching movies, and trading home-cooked meals. Most of the time, it's easy to delude himself into thinking this is enough.
There are other times, like when Joshua bakes him mooncakes during the Mid-Autumn Moon Festival, when Joshua asks if he can brush Malatang's fur and play with her, or when Joshua softly sings and strums his guitar on quiet nights, where Junhui has no choice but to breathe through it. Realizing that Joshua is a tactile person as their friendship develops does little to curb the temptation to reach out, reach further, and cross that line.
But he doesn't, because they're just thoughts and he doesn't have to act on them no matter how good Joshua's perfume always smells or how much his presence warms him up inside. Besides, the hunch that he was correct, that Joshua is the start of a social circle that's feels right, keeps him averse to that kind of risk.
He confirms this on Halloween when Joshua invites him out to a Haunted Haus Party, with the promise of introducing him to some of his friends he hasn't met yet. The issue with maintaining that line arises before they even leave, when Junhui in his Howl costume meets Joshua in his—well, Junhui can't identify what he's wearing, or rather not wearing, while partially being distracted by the amount of chest, muscle, and bare skin in front of him.
Junhui figures he may as well lean into it as a joke for some plausible deniability, so he doesn't stop himself from waggling his eyebrows at Joshua and whistling. “Okay, Shua, so it's like that.”
Joshua's eyes are crescent moons, not hiding how they roam over Junhui appreciatively either. “You're one to talk, Howl. Who do I need to convince for you to bleach your hair? You? Your agent? You can't look like this and not be blond all the time.”
When Joshua's lighthearted gaze grows heavier, Junhui is determined to breathe through it. He is a fortress. He is immovable. He is calm and collected while he winks and says, “I'll consider it just for you.”
Junhui is saved by whatever Joshua is about to respond with next by the notification that their ride share is here. Without further preamble, they make their way outside, into the car, and head to the club. The driver is a chatty one so they end up being talked at about the screenplay he’s working on, set to the tune of Spooky Scary Skeletons on repeat during the fifteen minute ride there.
Once they are finally dropped off from the interaction, they exchange a single glance and laugh at the hilarity of the situation. The sound of a remixed Kesha song reverberates through the walls and spills out into the street. An array of characters, wigs, and drag queens linger in and outside of the club. They eventually get inside and Joshua looks around in search of his friends.
Junhui expects to meet new people who are just as cool as Joshua. What he doesn’t expect is—
“Seungkwan from SoulCyle?” Junhui yells over the music, blinking in surprise at the man who appears in front of them wearing a big orange slice top with booty shorts.
“Junhui!” Seungkwan gasps before his face lights up and a smile quirks his lips. “Wait, you’re the roommate?”
Before Junhui can wonder what that means, Joshua cuts in. “You know each other?”
“I go to his classes and die every other week,” Junhui answers.
“And I’m a big fan of his work,” Seungkwan adds with a wink. “At least you look good dying!” He sighs dramatically when he takes a proper look at Joshua. “I hate gay Halloween. What do you mean you’re Sexy Willy Wonka?”
Oh. So that's what Joshua is dressed up as. Junhui catches himself staring again and mentally tells himself to get it together while Seungkwan leads them to the rest of the group. They’re all lingering next to some high tables on the side of the room.
Aside from Seungkwan, there’s Jeonghan dressed as Harley Quinn and two other men he doesn’t recognize, one dressed as a vampire and the other dressed as Doodlebob. Joshua introduces them and Junhui quickly finds out that the vampire is Mingyu, a multimedia artist he sees frequently at the studio, and Doodlebob is Vernon, a music producer he met years ago at a different party like this one.
After they’re all loudly introduced, Seungkwan and Mingyu volunteer themselves to buy everyone rounds of shots. Things devolve pretty quickly after that. Junhui will have to blame it on the heavy pours. That’s why he lets go, slackens his control of the line for just a little bit, just enough to know what it feels like to have the burn of attention on him while he dances. To feel Joshua and his body heat right here, a breath or two away, just out of reach.
He can pretend it’s not intentional—how he’s hot and cold, getting close and pulling away to dance with Seungkwan, Jeonghan, Vernon, Mingyu, before he’s right back to Joshua. He can pretend he doesn’t notice Jeonghan’s sharp gaze, because he doesn’t notice Joshua’s searing stare either. It’s a taunt, a game, and a cruel bargain for himself alone. You can look but not touch. He dances. He has a role to play, so he can pretend this is enough.
・・・
The spell breaks past midnight. Whatever energy was present between them in the club evaporates the moment they step out into the breezy night. Unlike the ride there, this driver on the ride home doesn’t say a word, doesn’t even play music, and it seems neither Junhui nor Joshua are keen on breaking the comfortable bubble of silence with conversation.
In the quiet, Junhui’s body is too heavy to carry and he thinks sleep would be incredible right now. One look at Joshua reveals he is coming to the same realization, with his head tipped all the way back against the headrest, his neck bared. The silhouette of his face under the streetlights strikes Junhui in the chest like a javelin. A nervous laugh falls out of him, but it comes out as a wheeze, and suddenly they’re both laughing for no reason at all.
His eyes grow heavier as the car turns into familiar streets, as if his body recognizes his bed is near. Junhui feels like he time travels from the moment he clambers out of the car with a mumbled thanks, retroactively realizing it was in Cantonese, to the moment he shoves off his shoes at the door and toes into his house slippers.
He pats Malatang’s head twice when she screams at him for forgetting his manners and is about to make his way to his room when a very persistent and drunk Joshua drags him to the kitchen by his arm, methodically retrieves glass cups from the cupboard, and fills it with water.
Joshua places the cups down on the counter between them and stares at Junhui expectantly. Now Junhui can fill in the blanks here but he waits… and waits… until Joshua pouts at him. He giggles because he feels funny and thinks Joshua has no right to look so put-upon and adorable.
“Fiiiine,” Junhui hams it up.
They clink glasses, down the water, and—wow! Junhui didn’t know he was so dehydrated until now. Joshua is so smart, and thoughtful, and nice, and lovely, and hot. There’s a dull ache somewhere in his stomach as his mind circles around that thought again and again, so he accidentally slams the cup back down with more force than necessary. Okay, time for bed.
Junhui thinks he’s free but then Joshua is in his path again, leaning toward him with his hand on his shoulder like he’s trying to steady himself. He’s looking down at the floor and Junhui is about to ask if he’s okay when Joshua murmurs, “Why?”
“Why?”
“Why forget and pretend?”
He’s distantly aware he’s a parrot right now and asks, “Why forget and pretend what?”
Joshua doesn’t respond, his head still drooping. Junhui doesn’t know what he’s asking or what he wants him to say. He can’t help but think he’s missing something important when Joshua’s eyebrows crease together and he pulls away. “I dunno… never mind. Good night, Junhui.”
Then, Junhui is left in the kitchen alone, confused, and exhausted. This will have to be a problem for future him to work through because now he really feels dead on his feet and he can’t get to sleep fast enough.
Future him isn’t any less confused the next morning. That large glass of water Joshua made him drink last night was for the best, at least, because he virtually has no hangover despite how generously poured those shots were. It’s this thought that has him retracing everything that happened last night while he goes through the motions of waking up, feeding Malatang, and washing up in the shower.
He wishes this is a situation where he was too drunk to remember anything but as his luck would have it, it’s startling how clear the memory is in his mind. Of how he danced and looked at Joshua, and the way Joshua looked back. His hands fumble the shampoo bottle and it makes a loud thunk at his feet. It makes him too aware in his body, in this apartment, shared with Joshua, that he stifles a groan as he picks it back up and carries on with his routine.
Why forget and pretend? It wasn’t his imagination, Junhui knows, but if he didn’t know any better, it could have been a dream, in the way it was peculiar and upending. He’s still lost on what Joshua meant but it sits strangely in his chest. He’s missing something important here. The thought is still there—small as a tick—and it burrows and threatens to eat away at him.
But Joshua has an orange, beetroot, and ginger juice paired with a typical “good morning” ready for him when Junhui eventually braves their shared living space. If Joshua isn’t going to address anything that happened last night, he won’t either, so Joshua smiles at him and they part their separate ways to go about their days.
The weekend passes by in a flurry of self-tapes, grocery runs, and checking out new restaurants with Joshua and the week that follows is typical, with them squeezing in conversation about what they’re up to in between work. Everything snaps back into place seamlessly and it was like Halloween night was nothing but a blip in the otherwise perfect system they’ve been running. Junhui nearly puts the entire incident behind him and is halfway to forgetting it even happened—until the next K-Pop Up with Seungkwan at 5:30 A.M.
Seungkwan smiles extra brightly at him when he walks in and the ride is a fun, intense workout as it usually is. Junhui’s flushed and exhilarated by the end of it, so he doesn’t think much about it when Seungkwan asks to talk to him after the cool down when everyone else has left.
“It was such a lovely surprise to see you that night,” Seungkwan starts, deceptively sweet and cheerful before instantly crushing his hopes and dreams of a peaceful day.“So you and Shua-hyung.”
“What about us?”
“You know, he didn’t really talk about his new roommate which I thought was a bit weird but I get it now.”
He’s a fortress, immovable. He’s nonchalant. “What’s to get?”
Seungkwan raises a brow at him. “Junhui, you know I love and respect you and you know I have eyes…”
“Seungkwan—”
“—No, you know I have to say it.”
“You don’t have to. Technically. We both know what you’ll say so we can move on. Your job as Shua’s friend is done.”
“You’re my friend now, too, so my job as your friend isn’t done. I can’t even try to ask if anything happened after?”
“Nothing happened. Nothing will ever happen,” Junhui sighs. He made peace with it but since Seungkwan wants to ask… “You know why it can’t.”
“I don’t know that.” The hard part is Seungkwan is kind and genuine in a similar way that Joshua is. It’s hard not to be kind and genuine in return.
“You know more than I do he just got out of a really bad relationship...”
“Yeah,” Seungkwan says as if to say duh. “A relationship he ended months ago. Believe me that asshole was a freeloader and a cheater. Kicking him out was only slightly more preferable than Shua-hyung poisoning him. What’s the real problem?”
He can’t, because with Joshua he forgets what it’s like to be lonely and that terrifies him more than anything else. “He’s one of the best people I’ve ever known. I don’t want to lose him. I know it’s such a line, but it’s the truth. ”
Seungkwan considers that. “If he’s one of the best people you’ve ever known, wouldn’t you trust him to hear you out?” Seungkwan nods in understanding, and that’s when Junhui realizes he slipped up and let it show on his face. “He can be secretive about things like this and Jeonghan won’t tell me anything either, so there’s something there, I know it. I wouldn’t be mean and get your hopes up like this if that wasn’t the case.”
“I know you wouldn’t.”
“Think about it, okay? It could be worth it.”
・・・
Later that day he gets a call and Junhui no longer has time to properly think about it even if he wants to. He dives headfirst into prepping for his role in the next vertical he’s been cast in—this time as a time traveling, transmigrating cultivator who ends up in the present day through a mom and pop diner’s walk in refrigerator—and begins shooting the following week. It’s far from a glamorous role but it’s campy, and most importantly, well-paid.
Joshua knows now how he fully throws himself into the character, knows they are long days he pours his energy into but his stomach still flips when Joshua, unprompted, starts replacing his morning juice with coffee the way he likes it and burns a calming candle for him to come home to after those long set days.
It’s nothing new, knowing that Joshua pays attention to his schedule, pays attention to what he says, and does nice things like that because that’s just the kind of guy he is, but he wonders when that became an axiom.
These were the natural facts of nature Junhui has come to understand: Joshua is attractive, Joshua is thoughtful, Joshua is kind, and Junhui was always going to fall under those conditions. All he can do now is bandage up the damage and wait for new, thicker skin to form.
After a week and a half of being wrung out on set and wrung out emotionally at home, the production wraps up earlier than expected and Junhui is elated. The sun hasn’t even set yet by the time he’s pulling up to the driveway next to Joshua’s car. He walks in ready to launch into his ritualistic post-production deflation time when he sees that Joshua is sitting on the couch with headphones on.
Joshua is so engrossed in whatever he’s watching that he doesn’t notice when he toes his shoes off, greets Malatang, and quietly inches closer. The way he’s sitting on the couch, facing away from the door, makes it so he also doesn’t notice Junhui see himself on the phone screen held in his hand. He would recognize the leather jacket and those yellow contacts he was wearing anywhere; Joshua is clearly watching “My Alpha Prince Charming” starring none other than Wen Junhui.
“Evening Shua!”
Joshua could give himself whiplash with the speed at which he locks his phone, removes his headphones, and turns to look back at him like a deer caught in headlights. “You’re home early!”
“Yeah, we finished sooner than we thought.” Junhui’s eyes flick between Joshua’s rapidly reddening face and the phone in his hand. He’s never looked this flustered before. He can’t help it. “What were you watching?”
“Nothing.”
“Can I see it then?”
“No.”
“Why not?” Junhui blinks innocently. “Is it something weird? Were you watching porn? You know I wouldn’t judge. This is a safe space.”
Joshua somehow manages to get redder. “Oh my God—no!”
“You’re being weird. Huh…”
“Jun—”
“—I guess I’ll have to tickle it out of you!” is all the warning Joshua gets before fingers descend on his neck.
“Hey!” Joshua manages to say in between laughs while standing up and trying to put some distance between them.
“Show me your phone.”
“No,” Joshua replies. His eyes flash, not out of embarrassment like a moment ago but something different. Playful. Challenging.
Minds in sync, they spring into action with just a shared glance and suddenly Junhui is chasing Joshua around the living room. Around and around, Joshua takes advantage of furniture and giggles when Junhui can’t quite catch him. Malatang even runs up to her cat tree to avoid the commotion, though she watches over to see what happens, swishing her tail back and forth.
They keep going in circles around the couch, but Junhui isn’t a quitter. Junhui forgoes the couch entirely and, in a stroke of genius, jumps over it.
“Got you!” Junhui cheers, trying to tickle him again only to realize the other man isn’t reacting. Joshua only smirks at him like he knows something he doesn’t. Junhui’s mouth drops open. “You’re not ticklish, you weirdo."
“Nope,” Joshua confirms with a smile. “Oh well, you did all that for nothing…”
“It’s okay, Shua. You can give it up now,” Junhui teases. “I already know you were watching My Alpha Prince Charming.”
In a moment of rare form, Joshua’s hands come up to cover his face in embarrassment. “It’s so bad!”
“But you can’t stop watching?”
“Yes! In my defense, you can’t talk to me about the weird stuff you get cast into and expect me to not look it up.”
“No defense needed.” As Joshua gets over his chagrin, he lowers his hands from his face and that’s when Junhui becomes aware of how close they actually are. His own hands are still around Joshua’s waist. It’s so narrow. He steps back and breaks his gaze for a moment, but he heats up all the same. “But did it have to be My Alpha Prince Charming? That was one of the first verticals I did back in China and it shows.”
“Mmh, where did I say it was only My Alpha Prince Charming? There was Poor Memory, Bae Watch, Million Dollar Baby Daddy, I’ll Hold You Tight My Sweet Empress, Udderly In Love…”
“Someone’s been having fun with IMDb.”
“I’m a huge supporter of the arts, Junhui. Don’t you know?” Joshua quips with a gleam in his eye. “And you’re good at what you do. Like, clearly you have your work cut out for you with these scripts you’re given but it takes real star power and talent to get me sold on a werewolf prince drama of all things. No matter how ridiculous the premise is, you’re never above putting your all into it anyway. I know these projects aren’t exactly where you want to be but I’m really rooting for you and you’re fun to watch.”
Junhui will never get used to Joshua’s ability to disarm him with sincerity at the drop of a hat. Only a moment ago they were joking but now the force of the other man’s steadfast validation and support has him feeling off-kilter.
It’s not that he needs the validation from him to begin with—he knows how hard he works—but it’s yet another reminder that Joshua is attentive, affirming, and makes the wriggly slug in his chest more restless every day. Perhaps he’s more sensitive now that he’s concluded his time on set for the time being; either way, he finds himself deeply moved and responding with a far-too wobbly “thank you”.
“Anytime.” Joshua’s perceptive, sympathetic gaze bores into his. “I was gonna cook myself some pesto chicken pasta for dinner. I can throw in a little extra if you want a plate later.”
“Best roommate ever,” Junhui stresses, with emphasis.
Joshua rolls his eyes but smiles nonetheless. “Go sit, lay, wind down if you need to. I’ll call you when I’m done.”
Junhui impulsively gives him a hug before running to his room. When Joshua later says food is ready, he still hasn’t stopped thinking about how naturally Joshua returned the embrace. Rest turns out to be a fruitless endeavor.
・・・
It’s another early morning, only this time Junhui isn’t stressed, isn’t tired, and isn’t needing to rush. Well, maybe there will be a tiny, microscopic bit of stress, but it’ll all be worth it—because he gets to go home for the holidays.
“It’s not like I’m eager to sit through LAX traffic, but you know I’d bring you in a heartbeat if I could,” Joshua says. He’s up early as well, gathering up the last boxes of candles he’ll be bringing to the craft fair he’s selling at in a few hours.
“Which is why you’re the best.” Junhui comes to a brief stop with his singular suitcase in the living room. It’s a fortunate moment, being able to briefly see Joshua on the way out before parting separate ways for the next few days. “Don’t worry, the Metro and Flyaway will be my best friend. Wishing you a sold out stock and enough money to retire!”
“What dreams are made of,” Joshua smiles sunnily. He walks toward the front door, about to shift the weight in his arms to open it.
“Here, let me help,” he says, rushing over to open it for him. “I can lock up and everything before I leave in a bit.”
“Phew.” Joshua adjusts and tries to shake the bangs that have fallen messily over his eyes. “Thank you. Have a safe trip as well!”
Then, it happens so abruptly, so quickly, that Junhui thinks he imagines it. Joshua kisses him on the mouth and the door closes behind him on the way out.
Junhui doesn’t know how long he spends standing frozen staring at the grooves in the wood. The alarm on his phone signaling that he really has to leave and walk to the station so he won’t be late pulls him out of his stupor. He meets Malatang’s gaze, who had been lazily swishing her tail on the cat tree during the entire exchange.
“You saw that too, right?”
Malatang meows. The only thing more uncanny than his cat actually responding to him is Joshua kissing him without a second thought and just leaving. He half expects him to run back in chagrined and apologetic, or call, or text, something. He does none of that.
So that’s how it is, getting a taste of his own medicine.