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Caitlyn jolts awake—sweaty and panting and with an ache in her heart so excruciating that it physically makes her cry out in pain. It feels so much worse than a stab wound or a gunshot or anything else she’s ever experienced in combat.
And so, she desperately clutches at her chest—as if she can get through her own skin and fat and bone and rip her heart out herself. As if she can make the pain stop. As if she can unfeel all this terrible, terrible heartache.
When she can’t, she chokes on her own sobs instead, every breath shuddered and frantic. Each more painful than the last.
“Cait?” Vi says, startling awake next to her. “Baby, what’s wrong?”
She reaches out to touch her, but Caitlyn yanks her arm away as if Vi’s fingertips will burn her. As if she’ll cause more harm.
“Baby?” Vi says again, scooting up to sit and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “What’s going on? Are you hurt?”
She tries to touch her again, but now, Caitlyn is suddenly pushing Vi back down onto the mattress—hands desperately tugging up at her sleep shirt to reveal her abdomen and chest. Both are covered in hickies, but still in her nightmarish haze, Caitlyn doesn’t remember that she’s the one who put those there.
She sobs harder, hands trembling against the bruised skin. An image flashes behind her eyes, then, of two black letters: SF.
At once, she goes to pull down Vi’s boxers.
“Whoa, what are you doing?” she asks, but lets Caitlyn keep taking off her clothes all the same, too unsure of how else to react.
Caitlyn spreads her legs open and Vi has no clue what’s about to happen next.
“Cait, please talk to me,” she tries again, but Caitlyn only sobs harder—the cries absolutely wrecking her body, coming out like sharp daggers that pierce through her throat.
Vi reaches over to her bedside table, turning on a lamp, just as Caitlyn inspects every inch of skin on Vi’s legs—all the way up to her inner thighs.
“Where is it?” she’s asking, quite frantically.
“Where’s what?”
“Th-the tattoo,” Caitlyn says. “I saw it. I know… I know what it stands for.”
“Baby, I don’t have a tattoo down there,” Vi says. “Please, just tell me what’s going on.”
“Y-you’ve cheated on me,” Caitlyn stutters out, even the words themselves making her stomach coil. “For over a year, I… And I was at your funeral…”
And with that, Vi finally understands. She gently pulls Caitlyn back up, settling her between her legs, keeping her nice and close and safe. Then, she takes her face gently in her two hands, wiping away her tears with her thumbs and looking right into her eyes—so full of tears, so full of fear.
“Fuck, babe,” Vi whispers, then tucks her in right against her chest. “It’s okay, I promise. You just had a bad dream.”
Caitlyn curls up into her instinctively, breathing in her scent and sighing in relief at the familiarity of it. At the lack of another woman’s perfume.
“J-just a nightmare?” Caitlyn asks, still shaking but now snuggling in closer—like a young and frightened child.
Vi wraps her arms around her, squeezing her tightly and then pressing a soft kiss into her blue hair, as she says, “Just a nightmare.”
She holds her like this for several minutes, until Caitlyn’s breathing settles. Until her tears dry. Until she falls soundly back to sleep.
In the morning, Caitlyn wakes up still safe and snug in Vi’s arms. Her nose is stuffy and her eyes are swollen. Her chest and stomach and lungs—all of it still aches.
“Violet,” she whispers, her voice hoarse and her finger rubbing softly against the fabric of Vi’s shirt. “Are you awake?”
“Hmm,” Vi hums sleepily. “‘m awake…”
“I’m sorry,” she says. “About last night.”
Vi shakes her head. “‘Sno problem. You okay now?”
Caitlyn doesn’t quite know how to answer that question. How can she be okay, when it feels as though she’s lived through an entire lifetime of heartbreak in one single night?
“You cheated on me,” she says again. “In my dream. We were married and you… you had someone else. And I knew, but I… Fuck, Vi, it was so real. All of it. We tried to make it work, but…”
She starts to cry again as the memories flood back in, hand-in-hand with hopelessness and pain as she feels the cracks along her heart begin to spread again—like a porcelain figure about to absolutely crumble.
“Hey, hey,” Vi says softly, running a comforting hand up and down her back. “That would never happen, Cait. I’m yours. I’m all yours. And only yours.”
Caitlyn curls up even more, wanting to make herself as small as she can be in Vi’s arms.
“Do you…” Caitlyn sniffles. “Do you promise?”
“Hey, look at this,” Vi says, showing Caitlyn her left hand. The engagement ring that sits on her finger catches the morning sunlight just right, sparkling a radiant blue. “This is my promise to you, Cait. To love you for the rest of my life. To belong to you. No matter what happens or who comes along. Okay? Nothing—no one—will ever come between us. I love you too fucking much, Caitlyn. I would never even think of jeopardizing what we have.”
“Not even for Sarah Fortune?”
Vi can’t help but let out a soft laugh. “Baby, I don’t even know who that is.”
“She’s hot,” Caitlyn says. “And charming. And she’s in love with you.”
“Well, that’s too bad for her,” Vi says with a shrug. “She doesn’t get to have me.”
“Even if you’re angry at me?” Caitlyn says. “Even if you’re drunk? If you’re in the middle of Zaun without me, and she’s throwing herself at you?”
“I’m never without you, Cait,” Vi says. “I carry you with me, everywhere I go.”
“You do?”
“I don’t think you understand just how in love with you I am, babe,” Vi sighs. “But that’s okay. I don’t mind spending the rest of my life showing it to you.”
And this, at least for now, calms Caitlyn back down enough to once again stop crying.
They don’t go back to sleep, opting instead to simply lie in bed together. To breathe together. To let their heartbeats thrum against each other in perfect synchrony.
Eventually, Caitlyn is the one to break the silence with an apology.
“I’m sorry.”
“I cheat in your dream and you’re apologizing to me?” Vi asks incredulously.
Caitlyn shakes her head. “You had a reason to.”
“There’s no good enough reason,” Vi says. “There never could be. Whatever excuse the dream version of me gave you is a load of bullshit. I have half a mind to climb right into your brain and beat her ass.”
Caitlyn doesn’t laugh. Doesn’t even chuckle or smile. She just sinks deeper into Vi’s embrace, like she’s trying to hide.
“Cait?”
“That day in the ventilation system,” Caitlyn says. “The day Jinx got away, and I… We argued.”
“Oh.”
“I hurt you,” Caitlyn continues, no matter how difficult it is to recount that day. No matter how hard she’s tried to forget it. “I…I hit you.”
“Baby, we don’t have to talk about that,” Vi says.
But Caitlyn insists. “We do, because I need you to know that I’d never do anything like that again. The moment I did it, I regretted it. I hated myself for it. I still do. And I—”
“Whoa, wait, wait…,” Vi interrupts. “You’re still carrying that around with you?”
Caitlyn pauses. “Aren’t you?”
“No,” Vi says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I wouldn’t be marrying you, if I did.”
“Oh,” Caitlyn says softly. “I just thought… We’ve never properly discussed it.”
“I didn’t know we had to,” Vi says. “But, fuck, Cait, if I had known this has been eating at you this whole time…”
“Yes, well,” she sighs. “I reckon it’s the worst thing that I’ve ever done. Sometimes I still can’t comprehend how you could want to be with me after that. How you’d be willing to marry me.”
“Guess that’s why you had the nightmare,” Vi says, piecing it together. “We get engaged and next thing that happens is your brain tries to convince you it’s not gonna work out. That you don’t deserve for it to work out.”
“Hmm,” Caitlyn hums thoughtfully, snuggling back into Vi’s chest and wrapping her arms around her.
“It’s important to me that you know,” Vi says. “That you deserve good things. That you deserve a happy marriage.” She tucks a loose strand of blue hair behind Caitlyn’s ear. “And that I want to give you those things.”
“I don’t deserve you,” Caitlyn says, her voice already starting to crack again.
“My baby,” Vi sighs. “You deserve the world.”
But Caitlyn still says, “Violet, I’m so sorry. I’ll never stop being sorry.”
Vi holds onto her even tighter, needing her to feel it. This love that radiates off of her. This care. This forgiveness.
But she knows it doesn’t all quite matter in the end. No matter how many times she tells her she’s forgiven her, the root of the issue remains: Caitlyn has not yet forgiven herself.
Still, she tries. Still, Vi says, “There was so much going on that day. We both fucked up. We both made promises we shouldn’t have. Said things we didn’t mean. Did things that… that hurt each other.”
“I remember turning back,” Caitlyn says. “I can still see your face so clearly. I… I can hear the way you cried. Fuck, Vi, it killed me. I died that day, I’m sure of it. I walked back home, a shell of a person, and I… I don’t think I’ve ever been the same since.”
“You did hurt me,” Vi says. “I’ll give you that. You broke my heart and my trust and… I didn’t expect you to hit me. It… it scared me.”
And at this, Caitlyn sobs again. But still, Vi holds her tight.
“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry…” she cries.
“I know,” Vi says. “I know, baby, I know.”
“But please,” Caitlyn begs. “Please be merciful with me.”
“Merciful?”
“Please just leave me now,” she says. “Break my heart now, not later. Don’t drag this out for me, please. I know I probably deserve it, but I can’t… I… Vi…”
She breaks down, once again turning into a frantic and heartbroken mess. But this time, Vi is already there, holding her close and kissing her head and whispering in her ear over and over and over.
“It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay.”
And once Caitlyn has calmed back down enough to fully process what’s being said to her, Vi adds, “I’m not leaving you. Not now or ever. I don’t care what you think you deserve. I know you, Cait. And I love you. And I know that you love me too. I know you’d never hurt me like that again.”
“I wouldn’t,” Caitlyn agrees. “I could never.”
“So I’m staying right here,” Vi promises. “And I wouldn’t say this if I wasn’t sure. You got me, babe. For better or for worse, I’m here.”
For the entire day, Caitlyn still cannot shake the feeling. Cannot give up the memories of that god-forsaken dream. Cannot assuage this guilt that’s been unearthed after so much time buried deep inside her.
And Vi, of course, can tell.
She spends extra time with her, touching her hand or her shoulders or her thigh. She gives her small and gentle kisses any time she can. She whispers, “Hey, I love you,” into her ear, whenever she comes up to hold her from behind.
And when she finds her glassy-eyed and sniffling, she says, “Baby, will you talk to me?”
“Sorry,” Caitlyn says. “I don’t mean to worry you. It’s only more of the same.”
More of the fear. More of the guilt. More of this dreadful feeling that we’re doomed and it’s all my fucking fault.
But then, Vi holds her hand and squeezes it tightly. She brings it up to her lips and kisses it. She looks at Caitlyn and says, “Stop apologizing. I’ve already forgiven you.”
“But how?” Caitlyn asks. “If you hit me, I… Vi, I don’t know if…”
“And that’s okay,” Vi reassures her. “This isn’t a competition on who loves the other person more, Cait. Not a test to see who’s more forgiving. And, honestly, there was a point where I never thought that I’d forgive you either.”
“What changed?”
Vi shakes her head. “I don’t know. Everything, I guess. Nothing.” She shrugs. “I realized the circumstances we were in that day… They weren’t normal. I mean, c’mon. The attacks had just happened. Tensions were so fucking high. Jinx was at her absolute worst. And I…” She shakes her head, remembering what now feels like a completely different time. A completely alien life. “Looking back at it now, I understand why things happened the way they did,” she says. “One day, I just finally got it, babe. All of it. What Jinx did. What I did. What you did. We all fucked up because it was a fucked up situation to be in.”
Caitlyn nods. “It was. And I never expected for everything to get so out of hand so quickly. I… I got a bit lost in it. In all that anger and grief. In wanting to kill Jinx.”
“Yeah,” Vi agrees with a sigh. “I know. But, hey, you’re not lost anymore. You’re here. And I’m here. And whatever fucked up situations life puts us in now, we tackle them together.”
“Together,” Caitlyn agrees, but even now, she isn’t sure how much she believes it. Not when that horrid nightmare is still hanging onto her, looming over her already-fragile heart.
After dinner, Caitlyn asks, “Could we go to the greenhouse?” And Vi holds her hand all the way there.
It’s where they are now—standing together amongst the lush green and pink and purple. It’s beautiful. Bursting with so much life, every plant and flower thriving and flourishing.
But still, Caitlyn’s heart feels heavy. She closes her eyes and sees wilted leaves. Sees Vi’s tear-filled eyes. Sees tattooed initials. Sees Vi’s signature on their divorce papers.
“Cait?” Vi asks softly, her hand coming up to wipe away tears that Caitlyn hadn’t realized she was shedding. “Please tell me. What can I do?”
Caitlyn looks right at her, right into those powder blue eyes—so full of genuine devotion. Of concern. Of a soft desperation.
And Caitlyn finds that what she wants is to feel that. To be engulfed in it, to feel it fill her up. To have this further bit of physical connection.
So she says, “Will you make love to me?”
They’re in their bedroom now, lit only by an array of candles and the soft moonlight that’s streaming through the partially open window.
Vi lies Caitlyn’s nude body down onto the bed, kissing her softly as she does.
“Do you remember…,” she says as her mouth travels down her jaw, “…our very first time?”
“In the alleyway?” Caitlyn asks, frowning slightly at the memory. How desperate they had been then. How angry.
Vi shakes her head. “Our real first time,” she says. “I took you to a bar, then led you upstairs.”
“I remember,” Caitlyn says. “Of course I remember.”
“I knew then, even if I hadn’t realized it yet,” Vi says, kissing Caitlyn’s lips again softly, then drawing back and pressing their foreheads together. “I knew that I could never be without you.”
Caitlyn wraps her arms around Vi, pulling her back down for another kiss, then says, “I knew too. But then again, I think I’ve always known.”
“Always?” Vi asks, cocking her head. “But you didn’t like me when we first met.”
Caitlyn, finally, gives her a small almost-laugh. “I didn’t dislike you.”
“No?” Vi says. “I disliked you a little bit,” she teases with a playful scrunch of her nose.
And now Caitlyn actually laughs, small and soft and sweet. “You’re so annoying.”
Vi laughs with her. “Don’t worry, Cupcake,” she says. “It didn’t last long. I could tell pretty quickly that you were special.”
“Do you think…?” Caitlyn starts, but then shakes her head. “Never mind.”
“What is it?”
She blushes a bit, so Vi leans in and kisses her rosy cheeks. Then her forehead. Her nose. Her lips. Such gentle kisses, just to say, I love you. Just to reassure her, You’re safe here. Just to remind her, You can tell me anything.
“Do you think we’re soulmates?” Caitlyn asks at last, her voice nervous and small. It absolutely warms and breaks Vi’s heart all at once.
“Caitlyn Kiramman,” she says. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. And if I’m wrong, I still wouldn’t care. I’d rather tell the universe to fuck right off than to not call you mine. In this life and however many there are afterwards, Cupcake. It’s always gonna be you and me.”
“And no one else?”
“No one else,” Vi says. “All the Sarah Fortunes of the world can get lost.”
Caitlyn laughs again—though, this time, it’s a bit more of a giggle. It makes Vi smile all the same, firelights fluttering in her chest at the sight of her happy fiancée. Oh, how she wants to keep her like this forever. And how hard she’ll work to do just that.
“Now let me make love to you,” Vi says, starting to kiss down her neck. “Let me show you that I mean it.”
She goes slow, cherishing every inch of her skin. And, in a way, it feels like their very first time all over again. Like Vi is re-discovering her, paying extra attention to her most sensitive spots. Her neck, her underarms, her breasts, her tummy. Even behind her knees and down to her very toes. Just to go back up again to her inner thighs, her folds, her clit.
Caitlyn sighs with each kiss, hands holding firmly to Vi’s hair and hips bucking up ever so slightly.
Vi runs her tongue up and down, tasting her. Letting her drip and clench and pulse around her. And as she does, she moans—she can’t quite help it. She could stay there for hours on end, lapping at her like a perfectly trained puppy.
But she doesn’t.
She kisses her way back up instead, until she has one of Caitlyn’s hard nipples in her mouth, while she softly pinches the other between her fingers.
Caitlyn instinctively arches her back, chasing the pleasure. And Vi uses this opportunity to curl an arm underneath her, keeping her half off the mattress and right up against her.
“You’re so beautiful, Cait,” Vi says. “Do you know that?”
Caitlyn blushes, shaking her head.
“You don’t know?” Vi asks, genuinely surprised. “I told you the day we met that you’re hot. You still don’t believe me?”
“Hot and beautiful are two very different things,” Caitlyn says. “But you make me feel both.”
“You are both,” Vi says, leaning herself back onto her knees and bringing Caitlyn with her.
She’s straddling Vi now, legs wrapped around the small of her back and hands still buried in pink locks.
“Would you like the Hexstrap?” Caitlyn asks. “Are you wanting me to ride your cock?”
But Vi shakes her head. “No. I want to feel you on my fingers.” And then, she uses her free hand—the one not holding Caitlyn up—to cup her right between her legs.
“Mmph,” Caitlyn whimpers softly, already starting to grind against Vi’s palm.
Vi readjusts her hand so that her fingertips are right against Caitlyn’s clit. It’s swollen already, throbbing and pulsing against her. And with each ounce of friction, Caitlyn whimpers in surmounting pleasure.
“You can come like this if you want,” Vi says, settling her chin between Caitlyn’s breasts and looking up at her. “All over my hand.”
“I want to come around you,” Caitlyn says. “I want…mmph… I want you to feel it.”
“I can make you come as many times as you want, Cupcake,” Vi says. “On my hand. Around my fingers. In my mouth.”
“Feeling r-rather cocky tonight, aren’t you?” Caitlyn teases.
“Yeah, on my cock too,” Vi jokes.
Caitlyn rolls her eyes, then oh, so politely requests, “Slide inside me, please.”
And Vi does just that. Two fingers, knuckles deep, sliding in nice and slow.
Caitlyn’s own fingers tighten in Vi’s hair as she pulls her even closer against her chest, her pussy stretching to give way to Vi’s digits. All at once, her walls spasm, welcoming her and pulling her in even deeper.
“That’s it, baby,” Vi says. “Just sink down onto them. I’ve got you.”
“Vi,” Caitlyn gasps, settling down onto her lap, perfectly stretched and completely filled. “I want you to s-stay like this. Inside me.”
“You don’t want me to move?” Vi asks. “In and out?”
Caitlyn shakes her head. “No, I… I simply want to feel you. I want to…mmph, I want to take you and keep you.”
“Okay,” Vi says. “I’m right here.” And as she says that she curls her fingers and presses right against Caitlyn’s g-spot. “Right where I belong.”
Caitlyn is slowly grinding against Vi, her clit gliding against the heel of her hand.
“Cait,” Vi whimpers eventually, feeling her own arousal start to pool between her legs at the feeling of Caitlyn clenching with each subtle movement. “You feel so good, baby. It’s… so hard not to fuck up into you, when your cunt is practically begging for it.”
“I kn-know,” Caitlyn moans. “But I want… I need this to be soft.”
Vi nods. “I can be soft.”
I can be anything you need me to be.
And so, she goes back to leaving gentle kisses on Caitlyn’s delicate, exposed skin. Then, she swallows up her wanton moans, her tongue moving nice and slow inside of Caitlyn’s mouth.
Meanwhile, her free hand is still holding her up, caressing her back and keeping it nice and arched—so that with every involuntary bucking of Caitlyn’s hips, her g-spot gets that much-needed attention.
“I’m g-getting close,” Caitlyn says. “I…ahh…I can f-feel it… S-so close…”
“Tell me what you need, baby,” Vi all but begs, just as desperate now as Caitlyn is to feel that orgasm roll through her.
“I n-need…” Caitlyn whimpers. “Oh, fuck, please… Tell me again.”
“Tell you what?”
“Tell me that w-we’ll always be together,” Caitlyn says. “That…mmph.. that nothing… that n-no one… Fuck, tell me that you’re mine.”
“I’m yours, Cait,” Vi says, and Caitlyn’s walls immediately tighten. “I’m so fucking yours. Just look at me.”
And Caitlyn does. Right into those powder blue eyes that look back up at her. Dilated and glassy and in love.
“There will never be anyone else,” Vi promises. “This right here. Us. Cait, there’s nothing else like it. You’re more than the love of my life. You’re more than my soulmate.”
“Wh-what am I?” Caitlyn asks, feeling that orgasm right at the brink. Right at Vi’s literal fingertips.
“You’re my everything,” Vi says, then leans forward all the way, letting them fall back onto the mattress.
Caitlyn gasps—at the words and the movement and the gentleness with which Vi is holding her.
She showers her with kisses, saying over and over, “I love you, I love you, I love you” and “My baby, my princess, my love” and, of course, “I’m all fucking yours. Only yours. Forever and ever and ever.”
And right as she Caitlyn finally comes, she whimpers out a broken “F-fuck me.”
So, at last, Vi moves in and out of her, dragging out that orgasm that’s been building, building, building for so long. And with each pump back into her, she curls her fingers at the perfect angle, intensifying the orgasm. Stretching it out.
Yes, each time that Caitlyn feels her pleasure start to settle down, Vi drives herself right back in, whispering another string of sweet nothings. And Caitlyn feels those euphoric waves crash right back into her, even harder than before. An orgasm that never seems to cease. That is reinvigorated by Vi’s gentle words and loving touch. Over and over and over.
It goes on like this until they’re both panting. Until Caitlyn is sliding a hand between them and finding Vi’s own hot and swollen cunt.
She presses her fingers right against her entrance, looking right at Vi, who wordlessly nods in silent desperation. And now, Caitlyn is filling her up too, while Vi is still inside her.
“Shit,” Vi moans at once, grinding against Caitlyn’s fingers. “I’m n-not gonna last very—mmph—long.”
“That’s quite all right,” Caitlyn says. “I’ll simply give you another. And another. After all, we’ve got the rest of our lives.”
Caitlyn is staring up at the ceiling, when Vi walks out of the bathroom, toweling off her hair. She’s wearing loose boxers and an even looser shirt, but it clings to her wet body just the same—revealing her perky, pierced nipples.
Caitlyn looks at her, eyes sweeping up and down.
“You tryna go again?” Vi smirks.
But Caitlyn shakes her head. “A bit too worn out.”
“Yeah,” Vi says. “How many times was that?”
Caitlyn shrugs. “I didn’t keep count. I was too busy.”
Vi laughs. “I should keep you busy more often.”
“You can keep me busy all you’d like.”
Vi slips into the bed, taking Caitlyn’s face in her hands and kissing her.
“Hey, Cait,” she says as she settles next to her.
“Yes, darling?”
Caitlyn snuggles up close, so Vi throws an arm around her.
“Are you feeling better?”
“I am,” she says sincerely. And then, even more so, “Thank you for today.”
“I know it doesn’t fix everything,” Vi sighs. “But I hope that it’s at least a little less than it was before. Maybe it can be a little less every day. And then maybe one day, all of it will be gone.”
“Do you think that’s possible?” Caitlyn asks.
“I do.” Vi says with so much conviction that it’s impossible not to believe her. Then, she plants a kiss on top of her head, and adds, “As long as we have each other.”
“Hmm,” Caitlyn hums, already starting to gently doze off in Vi’s cozy embrace. “We’ll have each other forever.”
And this makes Vi smile. “That’s right.”