Chapter Text
The pack was all gathered together in the practice room. It was past 2AM and everyone was very tired. Po had finished his recordings for the behind-the-scenes video and was waiting to go home with Thame, while Gam was already napping, waiting for Per.
"Jun, please, focus! Everyone's tired, but we're not going to finish this practice before everyone is familiar with the choreo," Nano shouted. They all knew that Jun was in pre-rut, which made everything harder. But with such a tight schedule, they couldn't help it.
Dylan was exhausted. He had to cope with practices and producing the album, all while feeling nauseous from the heat suppressants. They worked pretty well, but had a lot of side effects, especially when he was supposed to be in heat. Since Thame's incident and leaving Oner, he didn't have the time to waste on such matters.
So when Jun made another mistake, Dylan couldn't help but snap.
"Can you fucking compose yourself? Some of us want to go home to rest, dammit!"
Jun's scent flared immediately. His pre-rut was making everything feel too intense, too raw.
"Maybe if you weren't so busy criticizing everyone, you'd actually be helpful," Jun shot back, his alpha voice bleeding into his natural tone.
Jun felt immediately guilty, blinking as the pre-rut haze cleared slightly. He looked around. Nano was watching with wide eyes, looking uncomfortable. Po had sat up straighter. Dylan looked stiff. Gam woke up at the noise, sensing his pack members' stress even as a beta.
"What the fuck, Jun! Compose yourself!" Thame shouted as the pack leader, automatically putting himself in front of Dylan.
Feeling threatened by another alpha, Jun snapped again.
"What's the big deal? I mean," He laughed a little, stress making him say things without thinking. "Dylan's not exactly delicate like..." He trailed off, noticing Thame's expression darkening.
"Like what?" Dylan asked quietly.
Jun shifted uncomfortably. "Like most omegas? I'm just saying… you can handle that. You're always so rude, and you don't really act like an omega, so what?"
The silence that followed was suffocating.
"So what?" Po repeated, his voice cold with disbelief.
Jun looked around, confused by everyone's reactions. "What? It's true! Dylan's built differently! He's taller, stronger. He doesn't need to be handled like he's made of glass. Y'all don't need to be so defensive of him."
"You're saying he's not really an omega," Nano said quietly, and he looked hurt, not for himself, but for Dylan.
"I didn't say that!" Jun protested. "I'm saying he's different. He doesn't have that... that delicate omega look that needs protection. Dylan can take care of himself. I don't have to treat him with gloves."
Po stood up, his expression furious. "So what you're saying is that Dylan doesn't deserve the same respect and consideration you'd give other omegas because he doesn't fit your idea of what an omega should be? I'm not a typical omega myself, and that doesn't make us less!"
"That's not," Jun stopped, frustrated. "I'm giving him a compliment! I'm saying he's tough!"
"By saying he's not really an omega," Nano said flatly. "By saying he doesn't need to be treated like one."
Jun looked at Dylan, whose face was completely blank now, his arms stiff at his sides.
Dylan's voice was so quiet and empty that it made the room feel colder: "Right. I'm not like other omegas."
Then he left the practice room quickly, Nano and Po automatically following him.
"Nano, wait here. This should be handled by Po, as the oldest omega in the pack," Per said. Nano looked uneasy but agreed.
Thame turned on Jun, furious. "You're such an idiot! How could you say something like that to P'Dylan? You're so insensitive."
"I didn't mean-"
"It doesn't matter what you meant, Jun. Saying something like that is so rude and disrespectful.. Dylan may be tough, but he's still an omega and still deserves to be treasured and respected in this pack. Let's wrap it for today. And Jun, don't go back to the pack house. You're too close to your rut, and our omegas are already distressed. Go to your condo."
──── ୨ৎ ────
Po took Dylan to his own condo. Dylan was vulnerable and clearly panicking, his scent, usually very weak, almost unnoticed most of the time, was stronger than Po had ever sensed since meeting him. Po let his own scent wrap around a trembling Dylan, hoping that a familiar omega's scent would calm him.
"Dylan, dear. I think you're going into heat..."
"What? It can't be. I'm on suppressants."
"I think... his scent and the alpha voice triggered your heat."
Dylan couldn't help but start sobbing, overwhelmed by the hormonal mess. He hugged Po, seeking the omega's comfort.
"Oh dear... I'm really sorry. You're not less of an omega or less valuable for being yourself."
If it had been anyone else, maybe Dylan wouldn't feel so devastated. But it was Jun.
At this point, he should be more accustomed to Jun's comments, his harsh words. But he wasn't. It stung that the only alpha he'd ever wanted despised him so much, even while being in the same pack. He wasn't valuable, wasn't a good omega. He wasn't as delicate and cute as Nano, nor as kind and warm as Po. Nobody would like him, especially not a role model of a good alpha like Jun.
He also felt guilty. If he were softer, more omega, if his walls were thinner, the tension between him and Jun wouldn't exist in the first place. When they'd met as trainees, Dylan had been so traumatized, so scared of letting weakness show, that at some point he'd just forgotten how to be vulnerable, burying his scent and his needs. Being in a pack for the first time was warm, but he wasn't used to it. He hadn't grown up in packs like his members had. He didn't know how to handle kindness and protection, he was used to fighting everything by himself and working harder to earn his space even as an omega.
His heat was the worst he'd ever had. He felt incredibly horny and desperately sad. He cried while fingering himself, desperately wanting an alpha to take care of him, to fill him up. He wanted Jun there, even though he tried not to allow those thoughts. Jun didn't even see him as a respectable omega.
On the other side of the city, Jun wasn't any better. Guilt dominated him as the hormonal mess of pre-rut slid away and his rut kicked in. He felt uneasy. Dylan wasn't a bad omega. No, he was the most beautiful omega Jun had ever laid eyes on.
Dylan was taller than most omegas, tougher than most of them, but that was what made him shine in Jun's eyes. Jun had always felt amazed by how Dylan endured everything, growing up without a pack (he couldn't imagine how he would deal with that, and he wasn't even an omega), fighting for his space in the music field. He felt terrible while picturing the omega as he humped the bedsheets like a teenager. He didn't even deserve to have such thoughts about Dylan after acting like a total jerk to him.
──── ୨ৎ ────
The pack house felt like it was holding its breath.
Dylan had locked himself in his room the day after his heat ended at Po's condo. He came out only for mandatory practices and recordings, moving through the house like a ghost. Head down, headphones in, avoiding eye contact with everyone, but especially Jun.
Jun had stopped sleeping at the pack house entirely after the first week, couldn't stand walking past Dylan's closed door, and knowing he was the reason it stayed locked. He showed up for practice, for meetings, and left immediately after. The dark circles under his eyes grew deeper with each passing day.
"This can't continue," Po said quietly one evening. The pack was having dinner (minus Dylan, who'd mumbled something about not being hungry and disappeared back into his room, and minus Jun, who hadn't even bothered to show up).
"He won't talk to him," Thame said, pushing food around his plate. "And honestly, I don't blame him."
"I'm not talking about Jun," Po said, his voice troubled. "I'm talking about Dylan. Have you noticed his scent lately?"
"What scent?" Nano asked sadly. "I can barely smell him anymore."
"Exactly." Po set down his chopsticks. "He's on heavy suppressants. Way more than he was taking before."
"Since the triggered heat," Per said, understanding dawning. "He's scared it'll happen again."
Po nodded. "But that many suppressants... It's not healthy. Especially after a triggered heat. His body is already stressed, and now he's suppressing everything so hard-"
"What are the risks?" Thame asked.
"Hormone imbalance, nutrition deficiency, his heat cycle could become even more irregular..." Po hesitated. "Or his body could reject the suppressants entirely and trigger another heat. Possibly worse than the last one."
The table went quiet.
"I'll talk to him," Nano said, standing up with determination in his eyes.
"Nano-" Po started gently.
"No, P'Po. He's hurting himself because of what Jun said. Because Jun made him feel like being an omega was something wrong, something to hide." Despite his small stature, Nano's voice carried a fierce protectiveness. "Someone needs to remind him that's not true. And maybe... maybe it should be another omega. And you know P'Dylan has a soft spot for me."
Pepper looked at Nano for a moment, then nodded slowly. "Okay. But if he doesn't want to talk…"
"I know," Nano said softly. "I won't push too hard.”
──── ୨ৎ ────
Nano knocked on Dylan's door gently. Once, twice. "P'Dylan? It's me. Can I come in?"
Silence.
"I know you're in there. I can hear the music." Nano's voice was gentle but persistent. "I brought snacks. The ones you like. And I'm not leaving them out here to get stale, so..."
More silence, then finally, the lock clicked. The door opened a crack, and Dylan peered out. He looked exhausted, hair messy, eyes red-rimmed, wearing oversized clothes.
"I'm not hungry," Dylan's voice was flat.
"That's okay. I'll just leave them here." Nano held up a container with a small smile. "But... can I come in? Just for a bit? I miss you."
Dylan's expression flickered, something painful crossing his face before it went blank again. But he stepped back, letting Nano enter.
The room was dark except for the computer screen, covered in music production software. Notebooks were scattered everywhere, filled with lyrics. The nest in the corner looked messy, needing something as if Dylan was ignoring it, hadn't rebuilt it after his heat, and that made Nano's heart hurt.
Nano sat on the floor near the nest, patting the space beside him. "Come sit with me?"
Dylan hesitated, then slowly sank beside Nano, keeping a careful distance.
They sat in silence for a moment, then Nano spoke softly: "When's the last time you ate? Like, actually ate, not just coffee and snacks?"
"I ate."
"P'Dylan..."
Dylan didn't answer.
Nano opened the container of snacks, pushing it toward Dylan. "Po's worried about you. We all are." He kept his voice gentle, non-judgmental. "You're taking too many suppressants, aren't you?"
Dylan's jaw tightened. "I need them."
"Why? Your heat shouldn't come for another month at least."
"I can't risk it." Dylan's voice cracked slightly. "I can't risk another triggered heat. I can't be that... that out of control again. That weak again."
"P'Dylan, that wasn't weakness-"
"You weren't there, Nano." Dylan wrapped his arms around himself, making himself smaller. "You didn't see how pathetic I was. Crying and needy, and everything Jun said I wasn't supposed to be. How ironic."
Nano felt his own eyes burn with tears. "He wasn't right. P'Dylan, he wasn't right about any of it."
"Then why do I feel like this?" Dylan's voice was barely a whisper. "If I take enough suppressants, maybe I can just... not be an omega, a failed one, for a while. Just be normal."
"You are normal!" Nano's voice came out fiercer than he intended, and Dylan flinched slightly. Nano gentled his tone but kept the intensity. "P'Dylan, listen to me. Being an omega isn't something to suppress or hide. Not for me, not for P'Po, and not for you."
"It's different for you," Dylan said tiredly. "You're... you fit. You're what omegas are supposed to be. Soft and sweet, and-"
"And what? Weak?" Nano's voice sharpened. "Is that what you think? That I'm weak because I'm small? Because I smile a lot? Because I like being taken care of?"
Dylan looked at him, startled.
"Because I'm not weak, P'Dylan. Neither is P'Po. And neither are you." Nano scooted closer, his voice passionate now. "We're just different kinds of omegas. I'm small and cute, yeah, okay, I know that's how people see me. But that doesn't make me the 'right' kind of omega and you the 'wrong' kind. It just makes us... us."
"Jun doesn't see it that way,"
"Jun's an idiot!" Nano said fiercely, then softer: "P'Dylan, what Jun said was cruel and wrong. But you can't let his stupid words make you hate yourself. You can't let him take away who you are."
"I don't even know who I am anymore," Dylan admitted, his voice breaking. "I don't know how to be an omega. I never learned. I didn't grow up in a pack, I don't have the instincts everyone else seems to have."
"That's bullshit, Dylan," Nano interrupted gently. "Your nests are always so meticulously built. You write songs full of so much feeling that it makes people cry. You take care of everyone, nurturing them silently, even if you don't realize it. You always take care of me. You protect yourself because you had to learn how, and that's not wrong, P'Dylan. That's survival. That's strength."
Dylan's eyes were shining with unshed tears now.
Nano reached out slowly, giving Dylan time to pull away, and took his hand. "Being an omega isn't about being delicate or soft or whatever Jun's stupid brain thinks it should be. It's about... It's not about roles, doing wrong or right. It's just our biology," Nano squeezed his hand. "And you're one of the bravest omegas I know. You challenge the rules, you survived and thought it made your walls bigger, but it wasn't enough to close your heart. You're so lovely."
"I don't feel brave or lovely," Dylan whispered. "I feel broken."
"You're not broken," Nano said softly but fiercely. "You're hurt. There's a difference. Jun hurt you. Your past hurt you. But that doesn't mean there's something wrong with you."
Dylan made a small, broken sound, and Nano pulled him into a hug. Dylan resisted for just a moment, then crumpled, his face pressed into Nano's shoulder. Nano was smaller, but he held Dylan tight, one hand stroking his hair.
"You're allowed to be hurt," Nano murmured. "You're allowed to be angry. You're allowed to take time. But P'Dylan... you can't keep doing this. The suppressants, the isolation, hating yourself. It's not healthy. And it won't make the pain go away."
"I don't know what else to do."
"Let us help you. Let us remind you that you're loved, that you're valued, that you're an amazing omega exactly as you are." Nano pulled back to look at Dylan's face. "Talk to us. Come out of this room. Eat P'Po's horrible cooking. Let P'Thame hug you in that way that almost breaks our bones because he still hasn't learned to control his strength. Let me annoy you with my chatter. You're part of this pack, and we love you. We're going to take care of you."
Dylan's voice was so small: "Even if I'm not a good omega?"
Nano cupped Dylan's face in both hands, and his voice was absolutely fierce: "You're an incredible omega. You're strong and talented, and you've survived so much. You write the most beautiful songs. You work so hard for this group. You have so much love in you, even though you try to hide it." His eyes were blazing now. "And anyone who can't see that, anyone who makes you feel less than, is blind and stupid and doesn't deserve you."
A tear slipped down Dylan's cheek. "I'm scared, Nano. I'm scared that Jun's right. That I'm not really... that I'll never be enough."
"Then Jun's an idiot," Nano said firmly. "And you know what? Maybe you're not 'enough' for Jun's stupid idea of what an omega should be. But P'Dylan, you're more than enough for us. For this pack. You're more than enough just being yourself."
Dylan let out a shaky breath and leaned forward, resting his forehead against Nano's shoulder. Nano held him, small but fierce, protective of his pack brother.
"Will you try?" Nano asked softly. "Will you try to be kinder to yourself? Will you at least cut back on the suppressants and talk to P'Po about what's safe?"
Dylan was quiet for a long moment, then nodded slightly. "I'll try."
"That's all I'm asking." Nano squeezed him tight. "And P'Dylan? Whenever you feel like you're not enough, you come find me, okay? And I'll remind you of all the reasons you're amazing until you believe it."
Dylan's arms came up, hugging Nano back finally. "Thank you," he whispered.
"That's what a pack is for," Nano said simply. Then, pulling back with a watery smile: "Now, please eat something. P'Per made your favorite, and he'll be sad if you don't at least try it."
Dylan looked at the container of snacks, then at Nano's hopeful face, and took a small bite. It wasn't much, but it was a start.
And Nano stayed with him, chattering softly about practice and the comeback and anything that might make Dylan smile, until some of the horrible emptiness in Dylan's eyes faded just a little.
──── ୨ৎ ────
Nano found Jun in his condo three days later.
He'd gotten the code from Thame, who'd looked worried but hadn't asked questions, and let himself in. Jun was on the couch, looking like he hadn't slept in days, staring blankly at his phone.
"You look terrible," Nano declared.
Jun's head snapped up, eyes widening. "Nano? How did you-"
"That doesn't matter." Nano closed the door behind him and crossed his arms. Despite being the smallest member of the pack, he looked absolutely fierce. "We need to talk."
Jun sat up slowly. "If this is about Dylan-"
"Of course it's about P'Dylan!" Nano's voice rose. "What else would it be about? You broke him, Jun!"
Jun flinched like he'd been struck, he didn't even bother to call him Phi, he was really mad.
"I know. I know I did. I'm-"
"Sorry?" Nano interrupted. "You're sorry? Do you have any idea what you did to him?"
"Nano-"
"No! You don't get to 'Nano' me right now!" The younger omega's eyes were blazing. "P'Dylan hasn't left his room in weeks except for mandatory schedules. He's taking so many suppressants that I can barely smell him anymore. He's an overthinker, he thinks there's something wrong with him. And now you confirmed it."
Jun's face had gone pale. "Is he... is he okay?"
"No! He's not okay!" Nano's voice cracked. "He told me he wishes he could just stop being an omega. That maybe if he takes enough suppressants, he can be 'normal.' Do you understand what that means? He hates himself, Jun. He hates the thing he can't change about himself because you made him feel like it was wrong!"
Jun stood up abruptly, running his hands through his hair. "I didn't mean- I never wanted-"
"But you did!" Tears were streaming down Nano's face now. "You said he wasn't delicate like other omegas. You said he didn't act like an omega. You made it sound like there's only one right way to be an omega and he's failing at it!"
"I was wrong-"
"I know you were wrong!" Nano shouted. "But P'Dylan doesn't know that! Because you won't tell him! You just... disappeared. Left him to think that everything you said was true!"
"He won't talk to me," Jun said, his voice breaking. "I've tried. He won't even look at me."
"Because you hurt him!" Nano stepped closer, poking Jun in the chest. "Because the one person whose opinion actually mattered to him told him he wasn't good enough!"
Jun stared at Nano. "What?"
"Oh, don't act surprised." Nano wiped his eyes roughly. "Everyone knows P'Dylan has feelings for you. Everyone except you, apparently, because you were too busy being an idiot to notice!"
Jun felt like the ground had dropped out from under him. "Dylan... has feelings for me?"
"Had. Maybe still does, I don't know. But it doesn't matter now, does it? Because you made it very clear what you think of him." Nano's voice was bitter. "Not delicate enough. Not soft enough. Not omega enough for the great Jun."
"That's not-" Jun's chest felt tight. "That's not what I think. That's not what I think at all."
"Then what DO you think?" Nano challenged. "Because from where I'm standing, you spent a month making P'Dylan feel worthless and now you're hiding in your condo feeling sorry for yourself like a coward, pathetic alpha."
"I think-" Jun's voice broke. "I think I'm in love with him."
Nano froze. "What?"
"I'm in love with Dylan," Jun said, the words tumbling out now. "I have been for... I don't know how long. Months. Maybe longer. And I was so scared of it, so scared of what it meant, that I... I pushed him away. I told myself he was different, that he didn't count the same way, because… he's always pushing me back. Acting like he hates me."
Nano was staring at him, mouth slightly open. "That's because you're rude to him.”
"And every time I said he wasn't like other omegas, what I really meant was that he wasn't like anyone else. That he was special. That he made me feel things I didn't know how to handle." Jun sat back down heavily. "But it came out all wrong. It came out cruel. And I hurt the one person I-" His voice cracked. "The one person I can't stop thinking about."
"You're in love with him," Nano repeated, like he was testing the words.
"Yes." Jun looked up at Nano, his eyes red. "I'm desperately in love with him. His strength, his talent, the way he writes songs that break my heart. The way he doesn't fit into any box because he's just... Dylan. Completely himself. And fuck, I'm too much of a coward to admit it, so I hurt him instead."
Nano was quiet for a long moment, processing. Then, softer: "Does he know?"
"How can I tell him?" Jun asked helplessly. "He won't talk to me. He thinks I hate him, that I think he's not omega enough.. How do I tell him that the truth is the exact opposite? That I think he's too good for me? That I don't deserve him, but I can't stop wanting him anyway?"
"You tell him exactly that," Nano said firmly. "You tell him the truth, even if it's scary. Even if he doesn't believe you at first."
"He won't listen-"
"Then you make him listen!" Nano's fierce protectiveness was back. "You fight for him, Jun! You don't just give up because it's hard or because you're scared. P'Dylan is worth fighting for!"
"I know he is-"
"Then prove it!" Nano poked Jun's chest again. "Stop hiding here feeling sorry for yourself. Stop letting P'Dylan think that everything you said was true. Go to him. Tell him you were wrong. Tell him you're in love with him. Tell him that he's perfect exactly as he is!"
"What if it's too late?" Jun's voice was small. "What if I've ruined everything?"
Nano's expression softened slightly. "Maybe you have. Maybe P'Dylan won't forgive you. Maybe you don't deserve forgiveness." He paused. "But he deserves to know the truth. He deserves to know that you were wrong, that your words came from fear, not from reality. He deserves to know that someone sees him, really sees him, and loves what they see."
Jun looked at Nano, this small, hot-headed omega who loved his fellow pack omega so fiercely he'd marched into an alpha territory to defend him, and felt something shift in his chest.
"You're right," Jun said quietly.
"I know I am." Nano wiped his eyes again. "And Jun? If you hurt him again, if you tell him you love him and then make him feel less than- I will personally make sure you regret it. I don't care how much bigger you are than me. I don't care that you're an alpha, you're gonna die."
Jun almost smiled despite everything. "I believe you."
"Good." Nano stood up straighter. "Now, you need to figure out how you're going to fix this. Because P'Dylan is suffering and punishing himself. So whatever you do, you need to do it soon."
"I will," Jun promised. "I'll... I'll find a way."
Nano studied him for a moment, then nodded. "Okay. But Jun? When you tell him you love him… make sure he knows you love him. All of him. Exactly as he is. Not some idea of what he should be. Him."
"I do," Jun said, his voice rough with emotion. "I love exactly who he is."
"Then tell him that." Nano headed for the door, then paused. "And Jun? For what it's worth... I think P'Dylan loves you, too. Even after everything. So don't waste this chance."
Then Nano left, and Jun was alone with the weight of his feelings and the knowledge that he'd hurt Dylan, deeply, feeling the guilt spread further in his heart.
But Nano was right. Dylan deserved the truth.
Now, Jun just had to figure out how to give it to him.