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It’s hard to know when he started to show interest in him in a non-platonic way. It was gradual, the doubts about homework evolve into sporadic chat, then on long-term conversations. Local jokes arose, friends of one turned into the other's friends and they spent almost all the time together.
Maybe it was the day that he remembered his favorite flowers or when he gave him the book that he spent days talking about and didn’t have the chance to buy it. Maybe were all the, obviously non-romantic, dates to the cinema, the walks around the campus or all his service acts.
He isn’t sure of when he fall in love, of when the torture on his mind began, when all that he could think about was the next time they could see each other, talk to eachother, just exist side by side.
Everything went downhill when he started to notice the signs. How Clark bumped his knee with his knee, how he gravitated in search of his presence, how he looked at him or sent indirects through messages.
They talked about the moment they got partners, encouraged each other to make progress with their romantic interest of the moment, but the comments continued.
Clark talked for hours about how much he liked someone, but he never let him know who they were. The descriptions felt so personal that he started to grow wings and the hope found its place on his chest with the possibility of being him the person that occupied the others heart.
He told him that they were stubborn, that they didn't give up, that they would give their life to do what they were passionate about; he said that they had beautiful black hair and precious blue eyes. He talked about their forceful personality, but their kindness deep inside, also spoke about their clumsiness that not everyone notices because they hide it with their professionalism.
He describes them as tall, but not as much as him, strong but the clothes hide it well. Talked about their intelligence, their sarcastic humour and of each and every one of the details that made Bruce think that he was describing him.
He asked other friends if they were seeing what he was, needed to make sure that he wasn’t going mad, his friends even appear to be shocked that they weren’t together by this point. His heart melted after every “he obviously likes you”.
The finals arrived, exams and projects overlapped and hit them like a truck, it was hard to meet after classes and, because of the homework, they barely could send messages.
The last day of school, after saying goodbye and get home, Bruce received a message:
“Being honest I wanted to steal a kiss from u but didnt had the courage to, didnt want to make u uncomfortable”
They tried to keep in contact after that day, but the distance, even if it was short, was inevitable, even without other responsibilities and without having the chance to answer that message in an appropriate way. He wasn’t known for his social skills.
Bruce started to overthink; maybe Clark wasn’t interested anymore, maybe he hated him, maybe he got tired waiting for a concrete answer.
Holidays past, Bruce locked himself onto the manor, barely speaking with Alfred and no one else; Saying that he was depressed was being nice about the situation. He knew that he messed up, didn’t know how or when, but it was his fault.
He could be very intelligent, but social matters were always difficult for him.
A new semester started. His mood didn’t improve, although he was never a very lively person, it was almost impossible that others noticed that. Everyone but Diana, she knew how to read him like a book.
—Have you talked to him? Things won’t get fixed by a miracle. You need to talk, externalize everything that torments that pretty little head of yours.
Bruce almost crushed his coffee cup trying to hide the shake on his hands. He never felt so insecure and vulnerable about his feelings as at this moment, he has always been very Good at hiding them; he built walls to hide his problems and Clark managed to destabilize them, it was only a matter of time before they collapsed.
—It’s not so easy, Di.
Diana Shaked his shoulder, being careful to not spill the coffee.
—Get yourself together, Bruce, he likes you. It's so obvious that, if there is life on other planets, they also noticed— Saying that Diana was worried didn’t go near to what she was feeling. It hurt her seeing his friend so distressed, so vulnerable and all because of a man with zero emotional responsibility.
—Things didn’t work and that’s it. Not gonna bother him for something I could have misunderstood; he is nice to everybody, maybe I was seeing something where there was nothing— He went silent for a moment, even took a sip of his coffee to give him some time to think. Diana didn’t interrupt him, she knew his friend very well —It’s all my fault, I shouldn’t let my feelings grow, he isn’t guilty for what I misunderstood.
—No, Bruce, it’s not your fault to fall in love. No one has control over the wants of the heart.
The next time he knew about Clark he wished to never have met him. He was right, everything was on his head; despite how obvious it felt, he was wrong.
—Hey, y’all, I’d like to introduce you to Lois, my girlfriend...
He couldn’t manage to avoid disconnecting from the conversation. One moment he was sitting outside of the classrooms talking with Diana and other friends, and the next he felt like he was submerged into water. The colors turned gray, his vision blurred, his ears stopped every external sound letting him hear only the rumble of his heart, every heartbeat felt like a crystal shattering. He tried to pretend that everything was fine, Lois wasn’t to blame for the stories that he created in his mind about something that didn’t exist; he fully understood why Clark liked her. He hated understanding it.
She was nice, pretty, with beautiful black hair and precious blue eyes, just like Clark’s descriptions. He fully understood why Clark chose her over him.
At the clarity moments he had during the conversation, in which he was quieter than normal, but just a few could take accountability of that, he could feel Diana’s stare, the pity she felt for him.
He didn’t want pity, he wanted to get out of there, he wanted to be swallowed and asphyxiated by the floor just to stop feeling so bad. It’s just a crush, a stupid infatuation. “It will pass”, he repeated to himself constantly.
Days passed, his mood didn’t improve, but he learned to get over it; every once in a while he felt the stages of grief passing. There was a time where he pretended like nothing ever happened, that he was fine, that he never got hopes up.
Then he started to analyze everyone of the interactions that he had with Clark, comparing dates, doing the math, checking meticulously every message, and he only managed to get mad, he felt used, manipulated, mocked. He was a joke to Clark, it wasn’t his fault to get his hopes up, it was Clark’s for making him surrender at his feet.
He managed to move on, to calm down his heart and to reconnect with Clark. No matter how hard he tried to hate him, he couldn’t, he loved him too much to stop being his friend; maybe he couldn’t be with him, but at least he can keep his bright blue eyes in his life.
Friendship started to bloom again, Diana scolded him for staying no matter the damage he caused on him, but it was his best friend after all, he helped him so much that not being his friend felt worse than the rejection.
Months went by until he felt the punch of reality, Clark and Lois’s relationship was pretty serious and, even if he pretended to not give it importance, that hurt him to the bone.
—They look cute in that photo— Bruce and Diana were in Bruce's living room at the manor, squeezed onto a sofa, he with his head over her lap while she stroked his disheveled hair in a loose attempt to relax the tension the boy felt.
—Stop stalking him, that’s not healthy, just let him go— She grabbed his phone and throwed it onto the sofa at their side —You can't keep doing this to you.
—I just...
—Just what? Cause I see it in your eyes, Bruce, the yearning that you have for that idiot even after all this time— She moved her hand to grab the boy’s chin, forcing him to make visual contact —Look me into the eyes and tell me what you really feel, sometimes letting out your feelings helps to move forward.
—I… I only…— This time she didn’t interrupt him. He needed it, needed to let out all that he keeps in his heart —Sometimes I wonder what could happen. I imagine myself in Lois' place, hugging him, kissing him, I wonder what could happen if I were honest about my feelings.
—And that’s totally valid. I still believe he’s an idiot, but I know the heart is weak and it searches for any source of love that it can find— She let Bruce’s chin go and went back to stroke his hair.
—Is it wrong that I wish for them to break up?— he said after a while —His love isn’t reciprocated, but I still want to be with him. I hate not being able to hate her, maybe living with that want could be easy if I did.
—You’re not bad for wishing something like that, it’s very difficult to control our feelings, just don’t let them consume you— Diana managed to bend down to let a kiss on Bruce’s forehead —Know that no matter what, I will always be for you. That’s what friends are made for.