Chapter Text
The door clanged shut behind him rather dramatically, making him jump a little. His coworker’s concerned face popped out from behind one of the shelves in the middle of the store that held a collection of clearanced stuffed animals and tacky tumblers. After he’d turned back around from locking the door, she had gone back to working. Another glorious day in a dying store on the edge of a dying suburb. Great.
He stomped his feet on the mat just inside the door, leaving snow around his feet. Outside was still pitch black, and the bright fluorescent lights were blinding him, making him blink rapidly as his eyes smarted. He was holding one of those drink carrying containers, two cups of warm coffee nestled safely in the cupholders, sandwiching two breakfast sandwiches. He set the whole thing on the counter and tugged his coat off, shaking it out before heading to the back room to hang his black, worn coat next to the pink, too-cute coat that his coworker wore. As if it wasn’t embarrassing to be wearing shit like that at 27.
He stepped back out into the main room of the store and frowned as she pawed through the sandwiches, more interested in those than she had been in how he’d managed to get there safely and with food in the middle of a mild snow storm. Rude.
”Yeah, help yourself,” He said, annoyed.
She looked up, then, too-pale blue eyes looking their usual mix of hopeless and…well, something. He hadn’t figured it out yet, despite working together for a year or so. It was like something was lying just under the surface, ready to be unlocked, but it had never quite made its way out yet. She brushed one of her stringy flyaways back out of her face and had the gall to blush.
”Sorry,” She said, sheepishly.
”Well, take whatever coffee you want. I can’t drink two.”
”One’s really for me?” She smiled, a soft wisp of a thing that was fleeting at best. It rarely stayed long. Especially around him. Especially lately.
“Yeah, don’t get weird. They had a bogo today, something about using up the stock before the storm in case they lose power or whatever. Corporate policies, I dunno. And I fought some stupid corporate crone for your plain ass bagel, so you better enjoy it.”
”A bagel, too?”
He rolled his eyes and pulled his nametag on. Well, name tag was generous. It was a lanyard with one of those clear card holders. His was his name scribbled in a too-big Sharpie on the back of a scrap of paper. Hers was cuter, for some reason. Pink lanyard with a bunch of little staffs from some anime he didn’t know. Her name was on pretty paper in some swoopy writing and pretty little sakura stickers surrounded it. Very cute. Too cute for his disaster of a coworker.
Maybe if she ran a brush through her messy hair she’d be cuter. Not for the first time he wondered if she couldn’t afford a brush. Christmas was coming up…would it be rude to assume or would she appreciate a grooming item? Probably rude. His first instinct was usually the wrong one. Thanks, Dad.
“Do you want to help me put together this cardboard display?” She asked, pointing at a big box against one of the shelving units. He squinted at her.
Obviously no, he would not. They always ended up arguing when they had to build things together and frankly he just didn’t want to deal with it. Okay, ‘arguing’ was a bit unfair to her. Gangle rarely argued. He just ended up yelling at her. Lately everything sent him into a fit and he was kind of surprised she hadn’t lost it on him yet. They’d been friends before the last few months. He had thought she’d think she deserved better than what this had become.
But even still, he was irritated she had even asked and his voice was clipped when he answered, “No. But I will.”
There wasn’t a ton of stuff that he did that would be considered ‘cool’ in almost any circle. Which is why it was extremely important that he come across as cool, even if he wasn’t. If people thought he was cool, maybe they wouldn’t dig any deeper than that. The downside to this was that he didn’t really have any in-person friends. Well, unless he counted Coworker Gangle (as her name appeared in his phone). Which he usually did, despite knowing he had been kind of a dick to her recently. And even if he’d say their friendship wasn’t as deep as some of his past ones had been.
What he did have was online, well, he wasn’t really sure what to call them. A server full of strangers he’d chat with casually didn’t count as friends, but he wasn’t exactly alone, either. He’d get home from work, pop a meal into his microwave, shower, and then eat in front of his gaming rig, curled up in his gaming chair, all alone in his basement. Well, not all alone. Usually he joined a voice chat. For the past six months he had spent most of his time in a server set up for a new game coming out soon. At first he’d joined it because his friend had asked him to. But lately he’d been spending more time there because of some of the…acquaintances he had met. Well, acquaintance. There was really only the one that mattered.
Nestled in for the evening with his bowl of ‘dirty mac’ he logged into discord to see that he had something like eight notifications.
Five in the main chat that he ignored and three private ones, the ones that he read first, because she always managed to get him to read her DMs first:
XDDCC: arent you home by now yeeeesh
XDDCC: i thought you lived in my city
XDDCC: its getting kind of rough out there, let me know when you get in
He switched himself to ‘online’ and typed back:
Jax001: obsessed much damn girl
Within a minute flat he got a side-eyeing emoji on his message, and no response. Bummer. But if he double texted he’d look as desperate as she did. Instead he headed to the main chat where he saw his five pings weren’t all from her. They were in various channels, reacting to some theories he had and general excitement over the new game. She didn’t message him again, and he didn’t bother messaging her, either. She wasn’t going to win this! If she wanted to talk to him, she could reach out. He certainly wasn’t going to do it.
A new DM pinged his attention and he felt a little jolt of anxiety when he saw it was Gangle, though that melted into relief when he saw her message.
Gangle: wanna come play? Zooble’s hosting and they said if you’re polite you can stay the whole time
Zooble was Gangle’s new bestie from their other discord. Jax didn’t like them much, if he was being honest. Not because they’d swept in and stole his only real-life friend away when he really needed her— well, no, he didn’t need her. He didn’t need anyone. But still. He missed chatting all night with Gangle and playing stupid shooter games. Now he was stuck third wheeling it with her and her new bestie who hated him more than he hated them.
He couldn’t even really understand where all the hate came from. He and Gangle were friends, surely Zooble could suck it up for the few hours they had to interact for her sake?
Instead of answering her, he opened his neglected DMs to XDDCC, her little pfp merrily lit up with a green dot that let him know his petty refusal to engage when it had been his turn to carry on the conversation hadn’t blown his chance to talk to her for the night. Not that she was usually chatty. And she never put up with him when he threw a fit. If he pissed her off, she logged off. Or stopped replying. Whatever it was, it was effective, since he’d go to bed cranky and acutely aware of how alone he was. And then in the morning he’d try again, clearly with effort, though neither of them mentioned that she was training him to behave.
That was just because he kind of found her interesting, of course. No other, stupider, more embarrassing reason. Had to be, because he wasn’t an idiot and he knew better than to get annoying crushes on women of any kind, let alone the kind that were online and could be literally anyone in any place in the world with any kind of motive. Although as far as he could tell, she was what she said she was. Which was boring, predictable, and plain.
He pinched his nose and swallowed down his pride (that’s what the jittery feeling was, right?) to send a quick:
Jax001: r u busy?
Jax001: wanna vc?
Jax held his breath as the words XDDCC is typing… formed at the bottom of the screen. Then they disappeared. Then they were back. Then finally she sent:
XDDCC: ok.
Jax sent off a ‘sorry busy’ to Gangle and then slid down into the server he met XDDCC in, a cutesy one for that upcoming Animal Crossing game, and pinged her to one of the lesser-used voice channels. Where hopefully nobody would notice them, so he could keep her all to himself for a bit.
”A bit late, don’t you think?” XDDCC said, amused. The entire screen of his discord was her pfp and his, lighting up when one of them spoke. He relaxed in his chair and sipped a Four Loko.
”Nah, we got all night. Snow day tomorrow, didn’t you hear. Unless you’re not really in my city, Dick.”
”Call me Dick again and I’m gone,” XDDCC said, sounding kind of dry. But he had a strange feeling there was a hint of a smile there, too. She must find him amusing on some level, or she would have blocked him months ago.
”Sorry, sorry. Ex-dee.”
”Okay, good chat—“ She began.
He laughed sharply and spoke over her quickly, “No no, don’t go. I’ll be good.”
”Pfft, you don’t know how to be good.”
”I could be if you’d teach me,” He said, not thinking. His whole face flushed and there was a pause on her end before she laughed, as if he was telling a joke. Thank god.
”Oh-kay,” She said, and he could hear her standing up, her chair rolling over hard wood, her soft footsteps on her floor, the door to her room opening and then more walking. Wireless headset, had to be. He’d heard her move all over her house over the last few weeks especially.
Not that they were spending a lot of time alone. They were in the main chat. Anyone could join. It just so happened that they didn’t. Nothing to be done about that.
“You didn’t tell me we were drinking,” XDDCC said, “I would have poured my whiskey before I got on.”
”I like to hear you walk around,” He said, playfully, “You sound short.”
”I don’t know what ‘short’ means to you.”
”So then you are.”
She made a noncommittal sound and he heard the clink of a glass, then the soft glug of liquor, and then her taking a sip. His mind supplied an image of her, and he wondered for the billionth time if he was even close. He’d never know, because he knew better than to ask. One of two things would happen: she wasn’t who she said she was and she’d send a fake picture. Or, the worse outcome, she was exactly who she said she was, she was cute, and she asked to see a picture of him.
”How was the road? Did they get the salt down yet?” She asked, footsteps softly padding over her floor again.
”Don’t leave the bottle,” He said, and he heard her let out a little soft, breathy laugh that made his scalp tingle as it ran over his head and down his back. He shuddered in his chair and reminded himself that anyone would react that way. That’s what ASMR was, right?
“Road? Safe to drive?”
”Why? Where’re you going?”
“Why’s it matter?” She asked, a playful little edge in her voice.
“Just curious, yeesh. A guy can’t ask questions now? You’re so sensitive!” Jax said, playful right back. Though he knew he had to be careful. They got so into playing around that sometimes he said stuff he didn’t exactly mean.
“A guy can, sure. But you always have something to say. So why does it matter?”
Jax laughed and shrugged even though she couldn’t see him (thankfully). He doubted she’d be impressed with his “apartment”, which was just a studio basement, essentially. One room, a kitchen, and a bathroom. Oh, and a washing machine. Real high-class stuff. And that was unimpressive without adding himself in, too: ratty pajamas, greasy hair, microwave mac n cheese from the second cheapest frozen meal company at the local grocery store. Not even name brand shit.
“The roads are fine. You can go visit your man,” Jax said, after she had silently refused to speak again until he answered her. He realized he was saying too much again when she laughed.
“Oh, you’re funny. I was asking so I could go get my laptop from work, you weirdo.”
“Well,” Jax said, flushing and trying to sound cooler than he felt, “Then you can do that, too.”
“Did they really call a snowday tomorrow for your work?”
“Yeah,” He said, “Manager said nobody will be out and after that employee drove a car through the window last winter he didn’t want to take a risk.”
There was a pause and then she said, “Wait you work at that game store? That’s crazy. Were you there when it happened?”
“Nah, my buddy was, though. She quit the next day, said minimum wage wasn’t worth it.”
“She was right,” XDDCC said.
For a delirious moment he wondered if she’d come by the store. Clearly she knew where he worked, she’d recognized the story. How couldn’t she have? What a dumbass he was. Of course only one of the game stores in town had someone plow through the front window, it had been in all the papers and on the news. That had been sloppy. And if she did come by, then what? Then she’d see him and dip and he’d never hear from her again.
She was quiet on her end, the soft sound of her sitting back down at her computer and her setting her cup down with a little ceramic-sounding clink. Coaster, probably. What a loser.
“Do you have Stardew Valley?” She asked, finally.
“Yeah,” Jax lied, “Why?”
“Who’s your spouse?”
“Uhhh…not married, yet. You?”
“Hmmm…” She trailed off for a moment and then he saw her pop up in the corner of his screen: XDDCC is playing Stardew Valley. “Wouldn’t you like to know. Want to play and find out?”
He sure fucking did. He scrambled, navigating to the game’s page on Steam as he cursed himself for lying. But saying no and then offering to play would be way more pathetic, wouldn’t it? It would be clear that he was only buying it for her. This stranger he’d never met and likely never would. And even if he did, they weren’t likely to ever be more than what they were right now. Even if sometimes…
Woo, boy. No. Better to stay focused in the present. If he was going to date anyone, Gangle was–
“You there?” She asked, amused.
“Uh yeah sorry I spilled something, hold on.”
“Yeah go clean up your–let me guess: Four Loko?” The smile was obvious even over voice chat. He liked it even if it was at his own expense. Because, unfortunately, he was kind of really into hanging out with her and if she enjoyed their time together, she’d hang out with him more.
“You suck,” He said, and he grinned when she laughed, ignoring the lurch in his heart and the tingling, sick sensation in his gut.
“I knew it,” XDDCC said, giddy, “What flavor do you have?”
“I’ll never tell.”
“Aw, come on.”
Jax grinned and took a photo of the can in his hand, in front of their chat, angled so the glow of his monitor lit up the label. Then he sent it to her before he could chicken out. They’d never sent photos before. It felt big. Important. Scary. Even though it was just a Four Loko and his too-expensive, fancy monitor. Oh, and a bit of his (thankfully pristinely clean) gamer keyboard, all lit up with the rainbow.
“What the hell…gold? What does ‘gold’ taste like?”
”Uh, the best, obviously. You’ll just have to try it and see.”
”Hmm. Okay.”
”Send me a pic when you pick it up, I want to be sure you got ‘gold’ and not some lamer flavor like ‘fruit punch’.”
”Oh, do I seem the fruit punch kind to you?”
”Yeah. You’re super basic.”
”Charming,” XDDCC said, but she was still smiling, “So, what kind of farm do you want?”
“Uhhh…”Jax said, willing the download to speed up. “Just…the…basic one?”
”You haven’t played, have you?”
“Uh, you asked if I had the game, not if I’d played the game,” He said, pretending to be smug.
XDDCC thought about that for a moment and then said, “That’s fair. Okay, so, I didn’t realize you’d be totally new. Want me to walk you through some basics or do you want to figure it out on your own?”
”How hard is it to figure it out as I go?”
”You won’t miss anything permanently, I don’t think. It’s really chill, a great game to relax to when you get home. Only we should get you a more relaxing drink to have while we play so you’re not all hyped up from your terrible taste in alcohol.”
We sent scary sparks through him, starting in his heart and going down through his fingertips and toes, making his mouth nearly water with the idea of being a ‘we’ with his mysterious online buddy who was so painfully disinterested in him that all (playfully unserious) flirting was brushed off as joking. At least he didn’t really have a crush on her, or this would suck.
”Sure. Like whiskey?” He said, “Maybe we should get you a more girly drink.”
”Who says I want one?”
Right, right. XDDCC was a girl, technically, but she was kind of touchy about her masculine tastes. Not that he minded, he’d only been trying to tease her. He kind of liked that she skewed masculine. It was kind of refreshing to know she drank whiskey instead of something like a seltzer with vodka. In fact, her tastes kind of made him think his best friend would love her. Especially her taste in music. And how practical she was. And the way her laugh sometimes broke into a little snort.
Instead of apologizing or even acknowledging her question he asked, “What’s your glass look like?”
”My glass?”
Jax nearly groaned out loud. He’d gotten so into his mental image of her, sitting at a desk, glass of whiskey in hand, that he’d completely lost the fucking plot. If she wanted to send him a photo, she would. Asking for one made him a bit of a creep. There were two pictures in his head. He could see her as the type to curl up on her couch, maybe in brown or green, nice rich wood furniture all around, very classy, very vintage, with her whiskey in one of those cups with the gold rim. Or maybe that was wishful thinking. Maybe it was just like…a cup. But that could be nice, too. A totally normal girl on a Millenial Gray couch in her starkly white “luxury” apartment with her IKEA furniture and her whiskey in a totally durable POKAL. A normal person, not out of his reach at all.
To his surprise, while he was stewing and thinking, she’d sent him a DM.
A very perfect picture of her hand, nails bare and short, clearly dainty and feminine. Small, like he thought she had to be. Around her wrist was a hair tie, and he could see her own monitor behind her hand, their chat the main focus. The cup was, in fact, the kind with the gold rim. But he was distracted from his ‘victory’ in guessing her cup when he noticed the computer behind it. It was painfully basic. He had thought she was a bit of a gamer, considering how well she kept up with him. But then again, she rarely mentioned games on her own. Even more surprising was just how bare her desk was. He could see most of it, but there were no little knick knacks. No collectibles. Just a coaster and a water bottle. The water bottle was a solid red, metal, and had a sticker on it. Clearly a name, but he could only make out the first letter: P.
”Oh, so fancy,” Jax said, heart hammering so hard his hands were shaking.
“Oh yeah,” XDDCC said, faux smug, “The bottle of whiskey was fifty whole dollars.”
”Wow, you must make bank to be able to afford such a lavish lifestyle.”
”Wait till you see how good I am at farming.”
He finally booted up the game and she cheered on her end when his name popped up with now playing Stardew Valley attached. She ran him through the options for their shared farm, let him design his little sprite, and then went to greet him at his little house when they got into the game. They played and chatted for a few hours while the snow outside piled up against his small basement window. She poured herself whiskey twice more while he’d finished his drink and was now drinking delicious tap water. That was all he had in the house since he’d meant to pop off to the store but the snow had made that impossible. He’d have to go in the morning and grab some stuff, after they’d hopefully salted the roads.
Now XDDCC was sounding sleepy, like she kept slurring her words and sighing into the mic. He was warm and cozy, and she’d told him (and sent a photo, though it had been close up and hadn’t offered any hints as to what she looked like) she’d gotten a blanket and lit a candle. After one last, deep sigh and her asking him the same question for the third time in a row, she yawned kind of dramatically.
”Okay, I’m calling it. Good first go, Jax. But your girl’s passing out here, I keep nodding off and the only thing waking me up is my controller hitting my lap.”
”Oh, god, you don’t play with a controller do you? Keyboard and mouse is way better.”
”We can argue about this tomorrow. Can’t trick me into a fight, naughty boy.”
Jax inhaled sharply as his entire body lit up like a fucking Christmas tree. It felt good, too good, it was all tingling pleasure rushing through him, making his knees weak. His body shivered as his mouth dropped open and his eyes shut and he could see her in his mind’s eye, standing before him. Maybe she’d tie him up. Maybe she wouldn’t need to tie him up. Maybe he’d just do what she asked so he wouldn’t disappoint her. And shit, he was already half-hard, just now, just from that. She could ruin him, if she wanted to.
He hadn’t even known he was into this kind of thing until it had come out of her mouth, too. What a way to learn about his own preferences. Not that it even mattered, because he was fairly sure that on her end of things, he was firmly in the ‘friend’ camp.
Not that it was different on his end of things. Because he couldn’t be serious about some random girl he’d only started hanging out with two months ago in a discord for a stupid kid’s game. That would be a new level of pathetic. He hadn’t even seen her. What if she was ugly? Or old? Or worse, what if she was young and pretty and so desperately wildly out of his league that she laughed in his face? No, he’d do best to stay in his lane.
”Jax? You okay?”
Oh, shit, right, they were still on the voice chat together. He cleared his throat, squeaked, and then tried again, “Uh, yep, yeah, sorry.”
There was a long pause and then she said, voice very low, as if she was half-asleep already: “So I meant what I said, earlier.”
”I wasn’t trying to trick you into a fight,” Jax said, and thank god he’d hesitated on his next sentence because she laughed, lightly, sleepily, and he heard her push away from her computer.
She took him with her, though, she didn’t just hang up on him. He could hear her moving through her house, the clink of her glass in her sink, the low rumble of water as she handwashed it. He wondered how pristine her kitchen was. He’d seen her desk, now, so he thought maybe her whole house was that empty.
“I wasn’t talking about that,” XDDCC said, “I was talking about working from home tomorrow. I’m going to be doing that, I think. The snow’s looking kind of bad, though. I don’t know. My work laptop is at work.”
”Where’s work? Like, uh, not specifically, but like how far from you?”
”I don’t know, fifteen minute drive? It’s not far, but driving on ice freaks me out.”
Jax made a face. His head told him this was stupid, but his heart urged him to say that dumbest fucking thing he’d ever said, “Maybe your boyfriend can drive you.”
The second statement regarding a boyfriend today, alone, not counting the other times he’d mentioned it in the past week. Lame. Totally lame. She must think he was so desperate and an absolute loser and she was never going to tell him if she had one or not, right? Like if she admitted she didn’t have one, he might make a move which she clearly wasn’t into. And if she told him she did have one, he might no longer want to speak to her at all. Well, as far as she knew, anyway. He didn’t really get it, but his best friend had told him being a girl in gaming spaces was ‘different’, so he’d just have to take her word on it.
”Mm,” XDDCC said, thoughtfully, as if she hadn’t heard him, “But if I go early I can get a coffee from that place next door…if they go to work, anyway. Worth it. Thanks, Jax, all decided now.”
”Great,” He said, strained.
He heard the tink of her moving her glass to a drying rack, and then soft footsteps and clicking of lightswitches, and then he heard her climb into bed. And then a laugh, soft and sleepy.
”Oh, shit, I forgot I had my headset on. Were you going to tell me or were you going to let me get into bed and get all cozy before I remembered?”
”Uh,” He said, flushing a little. He’d been so caught up in her little noises that it hadn’t even occurred to him that she’d taken him to bed. Sorta. “Sorry, I didn’t notice.”
”Uh huh.”
”Pfft, come on. I don’t even know what you look like, why would I let you take me to bed?” He asked, realizing as soon as it left his mouth that he was really saying too much.
Luckily, she laughed again, “Oh yeah, you seem like the kind to really say ‘no’ to a girl asking you to bed.”
”What’s that mean?”Jax demanded.
”Nothing, just that I don’t think you’d toss a girl out of bed no matter what she looked like. No harm in it, I’ve had sex with plenty of guys that aren’t exactly ‘my type’ on paper.”
”You have?” Now he was salivating. If she’d had ‘plenty of sex’ with less-attractive men then maybe he actually stood a chance. If he wanted one.
“Sure. If they know what to do and we’re both free, I mean, why not? But I think I’m talking too much,” She said, “Have a nice night. Don’t stay up too late.”
”Yeah yeah.”
”How am I supposed to message you tomorrow when I should be working if you’re sleeping in after staying up all night?” She clicked her tongue, “And I thought you wanted to be friends.”
Jax squirmed. He liked her tongue click, and he liked how low her voice was with how tired she was. He wished she would take the headset to bed and maybe he could get in bed, himself, and it would be kind of like a sleepover. Which was stupid and pathetic, naturally, because if he was that lonely he was sure Gangle would let him call her. She was kind of his only other option at the moment. But even with all that, and even with her clearly labeled as ‘friend’ in his mind, he didn’t want to tell her that. Sometimes, when he was a little more open, shit went badly.
He didn’t want this to go badly.
”I’ll go to bed, Mom,” Jax said, rolling his eyes.
”Ooh, you’d better. Or we’ll just have to find out how my little boy does in time out, won’t we?”
It was an actual miracle he didn’t moan out loud as all of his blood dropped into his dick and he sprung up, ridiculously, rigidly hard in his loose pajama pants. So sudden that he wobbled in his chair, dazed. Obviously she had no idea what she’d done, which was fucking fair, because he hadn’t known what he’d set up for her there. Good thing he couldn’t afford therapy, or he might actually have to address any of this.
“Did you brush your teeth? Brush your hair? Take a shower? Did you eat dinner, baby boy? Do you need Mommy to come cook for you? I can brush your hair and read you a bed time story. Tuck you in. Would you like that?” XDDCC said condescendingly, in a high-pitched ‘baby’ voice, more as if he were a dog than a child.
Jax was going to fucking lose it. He didn’t think it was the ‘Mommy’ thing that was doing it for him. He couldn’t be sure, obviously, because he sure was really hard, but every time she called him ‘boy’ and herself ‘Mommy’ the ick was strong enough that he was sure there was something else going on. Like she’d hit close enough that his brain decided he’d take the scraps of attention she was tossing on the floor for him. He was starved for affection, after all, and when someone was starving anything was better than nothing, wasn’t it?
God, he hoped that was the case. He really couldn’t afford therapy. But he really, really couldn’t be sure because he was really struggling to think with the warm, fuzzy haze that was coating his entire brain. At least he was struggling to think anything beside the constant, low buzzing thought of stroke your dick.
He muted his mic to test his voice to his own ears, but it came out whiny and desperate and like he was leaking precum at a surprising rate. Mainly because he was.
”Muted?” XDDCC said, “What? You’ve never muted your mic before. That’s how I know you get doordash delivered when you’ve been drinking, because I heard your whole exchange with Jeff the driver. So why would you— oh. Ohhh!”
“No,” Jax said, hastily, unmuting before trying to calm himself down, so it came out wheedling and sad. “It’s not what you’re thinking.”
”What am I thinking?” She asked, and when he didn’t say anything she said, sweetly, “Okay, this has been fun, Jax, but it’s bed time. Talk to you later.”
”Uh huh.”
“Be a good boy and go to bed soon, okay?”
”Uh huh,” Jax said, breathlessly, dick twitching, demanding attention. God, she was hot.
”And Jax?”
”Yeah?”
”Next time we discuss big purchases for the farm before you buy a second dog. Understood? Stay warm.”
”You too,” Jax said, nodding dumbly. As soon as the voice chat was just him, and as soon as her little green dot disappeared, he was ripping his headset off and wrapping a hand around his cock.
While he stroked himself with one hand, he started shutting down his PC with the other, moaning softly under his breath as he did so. He never made noise on his own, at least not usually. Okay, well, it had to be really specific circumstances, honestly. Like some random girl over the internet talking down to you, getting you needlessly hard, like she was some kind of torturous sex wizard.
Be good. That’s what she’d said. He would be so good for her. He’d be the best for her. Maybe she’d put him on his knees? God, maybe she really would brush his hair and maybe she’d even put bows in it like Gangle sometimes joked about doing. And maybe she’d tie his hands together behind his back and let him eat her out while telling him how pretty he was.
“Ah, fuck,” Jax grunted, surprised that he’d come already.
The post-nut clarity was fucking brutal, tonight, and instead of trying to weather the storm of self-hatred and anxiety, he simply wiped his hands off and climbed into bed, mind waffling between how disgusting he was and how she would never, ever have to know what he thought of her. If he could do anything, he could protect her from him.