Archive of Our Own ^beta

While Jisung considers himself pretty average, Chenle treats him as if he’s otherwise. He cares for Jisung in a way no one else ever has, has an interest in him that makes Jisung feel worth listening to.

He’s spent years weaving himself into most aspects of Jisung’s life. He’s become an expert on him. Sometimes it feels like he knows Jisung better than Jisung knows himself.

Still, he always has questions.

“Was this the first guy you fucked since you broke up with you-know-who? Or second?” Chenle asks, sprawled out on the bed while Jisung puts away his clothes. Jisung turned on the TV to entertain him while he finishes up laundry, but Chenle seems to find more entertainment in bothering Jisung.

“Second,” Jisung mutters. His face grows warm. “Remember, there was the guy who drove me home from Jeno’s birthday party.”

“Oh, shit! I totally forgot about him!”

Jisung laughs and rolls his eyes, fighting the heat from his cheeks as he sorts out the jeans on top of his dresser. There’s something embarrassing about Chenle interrogating him about his sex life, even though they’re best friends. It’s always felt a little…

“So what’d you guys do?” Chenle blurts, causing Jisung to tense up. “How many rounds?”

“Um…” Jisung is failing miserably at cooling down his flushed face. He messes with the hole in one of his jeans, refusing to turn around and look at Chenle’s curious face. “I don’t know?”

“That many?” Chenle laughs. “So did you fuck him, or did he fuck you?”

Jisung stiffens, dropping the pair of jeans in his hands on top of the dresser.

“I didn’t—” He spins around and stares at Chenle, flabbergasted. His best friend’s interrogations don’t typically go this far, though Chenle is nosy for details sometimes. “We didn’t, uh… Why do you care?”

“I can’t be curious about my own friend now?” Chenle replies. “You didn’t do what? You didn’t actually, like…?”

“We didn’t go all the way,” Jisung rushes before he turns back to his dresser. His face must be bright red now. Already sensing Chenle’s next question, he grits out, “I sucked him off. And we, uh—We did other stuff, okay?”

Chenle hums thoughtfully, quiet for a few seconds, and Jisung lets out a shaky sigh of relief. He has friends who rival Chenle in nosiness, like Renjun, Jaemin, and Donghyuck. They’ll probably ask him for the same details about his recent hook-up and more next time he sees them.

But for some reason, talking about this stuff with Chenle is just… a lot.

“Wait. How many guys have you gone all the way with, then?” Chenle suddenly asks, just as Jisung is back to functioning enough to put away the rest of his jeans. 

The question has him freezing up all over again. “Uh.” The back of his neck feels like it’s on fire. Still, he pauses and thinks. “Four?”

“Really? I thought it’d be more.”

Jisung looks over his shoulder with narrowed eyes. “You know I was a virgin for most of college,” he huffs.

Chenle grins at him. “Still.”

Jisung lets out something between a sigh and a laugh, a little frazzled from all the questions about his sex life, and moves onto putting away his graphic tees. “Any other burning questions?” he jokes.

“Hm…” Chenle hums like he’s actually considering asking more—and then he does. “Before you did it with a guy for the first time… How did you… know?”

Jisung’s eyebrows furrow at the question. Now he’s flustered and confused. “Know what?”

“Like, that you wanted to fuck a guy,” Chenle says.

Jisung lets out a choked, embarrassed laugh. Where, he wonders, is Chenle getting these questions from? He slides the rest of his folded shirts into his drawer and tries to think of an eloquent response but comes up with nothing. “Um. I was gay… and horny.”

Chenle is quiet for a few seconds. Then: “But how did you know know?”

“Know know what? That I was gay?” Jisung asks, incredulous.

He remembers the day he came out to Chenle like it just happened, even after years. Chenle didn’t ask any questions, unlike others, something that Jisung appreciated at the time. He acted like nothing about Jisung changed at all.

So, again—where is all this coming from?

“Th-That’s not what I asked!” Chenle rushes. He sounds mortified, and when Jisung dares to turn around, his cheeks are dusted pink. It’s sickeningly cute, in a way, but Jisung is lost.

He laughs nervously. “Then what did you ask?”

Chenle moves into a sitting position and sighs. “Forget about being gay, just… What did you do? When you first started thinking about fucking guys?”

Jisung raises his eyebrows. “I don’t know—I made a move?”

Chenle laughs loudly. “You and I both know that didn’t happen.”

He’s right, but Jisung still huffs. Arms crossed, he mutters, “Okay, well. I waited for a guy to make a move on me.”

“Well, what if no one did?” Chenle presses. “What then?”

He sounds weirdly snappy, almost frustrated by Jisung’s answers. Like they aren’t the answers he’s looking for. What is this about? What is he searching for?

“I don’t…” Jisung trails off and examines his best friend. He seems distressed, face hard, and he’s been chewing on his lower lip between questions like he’s nervous.

Wait. Is this… Is he asking for himself?

Jisung doesn’t quite believe the route his own thoughts are taking, but now he needs to know. “Chenle,” he says carefully.

“What?” Chenle mutters, meeting Jisung’s eyes for a split second before staring at the bedsheets instead.

Jisung swallows hard and approaches the bed. His heart is suddenly racing, and he doesn’t know why. Even if this is what he thinks it is, why is his heart beating so fast?

“Do you want to…?” he starts softly. “Are you thinking about…?”

Chenle’s voice is quieter than ever when he mumbles, “I don’t know.”

Jisung takes a shuddering breath. “Okay,” he says. Cautiously, he climbs onto the bed and sits next to Chenle, who still won’t meet his eyes. “What… What can I do?”

Finally, Chenle looks over at him, eyebrows drawn together. “What?”

“What can I do to help?” Jisung clarifies with a small frown. He’s not entirely sure of what’s going on in Chenle’s head right now, but what he does know is that he wants to be there to support him through it.

Chenle stares at him, so close but a little distant in the eyes. He blinks a few times, something unreadable passing over his face, and then he lowers his gaze.

His eyes are now trained on Jisung’s lips. Jisung’s breath catches in his throat.

By the time Chenle’s eyes return to his own, Jisung’s pulse has skyrocketed. His heart is beating like it’s trying to crack open his chest. Part of him thinks this must be a huge misunderstanding, that he’s reading this entire situation wrong, but Chenle wets his lips and gives him a pointed look that leaves little room for doubt.

Jisung’s voice wavers when he whispers, “Are you sure?”

He’s never allowed himself to look at Chenle in that way, not really. Even in moments where it’s hard to deny that he has somewhat of a giant crush on his best friend, he doesn’t act on his feelings. Chenle has no interest in guys, in him, so why would Jisung humiliate himself?

But right now, Chenle’s eyes are on his mouth again, and they’re sparkling in a way that certainly doesn’t seem disinterested. Jisung can barely breathe as he waits for a response.

“I think so,” Chenle finally whispers back.

Jisung squeaks out a nervous laugh. “You think so?” he echoes, voice strained. “I’m—I’m not going to kiss you unless—”

Before he can even finish his sentence, Chenle leans in and curls a hand around the back of Jisung’s neck. Jisung spots something desperate in his eyes, and he watches in awe as they flutter shut.

“Please,” Chenle says, so softly it’s hardly audible. It’s the first time he’s begged Jisung for something in a while. His hand is firm on Jisung’s nape, and he’s close enough that all Jisung would have to do to kiss him is tilt forward a bit.

So Jisung stops thinking, and he does it.

He lets his eyes fall shut as he closes the distance between their faces. His lips press against Chenle’s lightly at first, hesitantly, seeing that he’s unsure of how far his friend wants this to go, but when Chenle tightens his hold on his neck, he decides to kiss him properly.

He tilts his head a little and parts his lips, pressing his mouth more firmly to Chenle’s, and that’s as much as it takes for him to realize that he’s screwed. Ignoring the huge crush he’s had on his best friend since the beginning of time was pointless all along. Jisung knows he’ll never forget this kiss for as long as he lives.

He pulls back enough to give them both room to breathe, eyes still screwed shut. “More?” he asks, nervous. Nervous about the thought of this—whatever this is—coming to an end so soon. Nervous about what will follow.

Chenle eases his anxiety by replying, “Yeah, more.”

Jisung kisses him again without thought. He tries not to sigh into it, but kissing Chenle is pure bliss. It’s everything and more. Every cell in Jisung’s body feels like it’s buzzing, vibrating from the tension. He wants to keep going and going and going. He wants to see how far Chenle will take this experiment. He wants to give him whatever he’s searching for.

He dares to brush his tongue against Chenle’s lower lip, heart stuttering in his chest. “Open your mouth a little,” he mumbles shakily against Chenle’s lips.

“I know how to kiss,” Chenle hisses in response. He proves his point by sucking Jisung’s lower lip into his mouth and then parting his own lips for Jisung’s tongue. Jisung tries to fight it, but before long he’s smiling, the excitement of the situation and the sensations of the kissing making him giddy.

Chenle smiles, too, breaking the kiss. “What’s so funny?” he asks, but he ends his question with a laugh that matches the one that leaves Jisung’s mouth.

Jisung’s eyes slowly, hesitantly flutter open. Chenle is already watching him, eyes and lips glistening, face flushed.

“Nothing,” Jisung says quietly. His heart feels seconds from bursting at the sight of Chenle, at the ghost of his kiss, but he needs to focus. “Am I… Is this helping at all?”

Chenle gives him a funny look. “It’s helping,” he says softly.

Before Jisung can ask him if he wants to continue or not, Chenle suddenly moves closer. He swings a leg over both of Jisung’s thighs, climbing onto his lap. Jisung goes rigid, hands hovering at Chenle’s sides.

“Is this okay?” Chenle asks, looping his arms around Jisung’s neck.

Lightheaded and definitely fucked, Jisung blurts, “Yeah.”

Chenle is the one to lean in and close the gap this time. He kisses Jisung with more confidence, wet and open-mouthed and… good. 

It’s so good. Every time Jisung’s mind has started to wander where it shouldn’t, picture Chenle in ways Jisung shouldn’t be thinking about him in, he’s abruptly shut it down. He hasn’t allowed himself to imagine what it would be like to kiss his best friend, not really.

And even if he had, he isn’t sure anything in his imagination would measure up against this.

Jisung rests his hands on Chenle’s waist shyly at first before gripping it more firmly. He parts his lips for Chenle’s tongue and matches the intensity of his kisses, trying to ignore the way his head spins whenever they lean in.

When Chenle pulls back, panting, his cheeks and ears are even more flushed than before. He immediately ducks his head.

“Okay,” he says once he catches his breath, voice soft. “I’ve, like, drunk-kissed guys before. It—That doesn’t really mean anything, you know?”

Jisung’s eyes widen. He’s seen it for himself, Chenle kissing guys in bars while plastered, sometimes even their own friends, but Chenle never talks about it the next day—or ever. The mention of it shocks Jisung.

“You’re not drunk right now,” he points out gently. He doesn’t want to push Chenle, but he’s still not entirely sure what he needs.

“That’s not the point,” Chenle whines. He lifts his head and meets Jisung’s eyes, his own gaze almost shy. “I just mean… How do you know that you want to go further than this?”

Jisung’s throat dries up. “Um.” Suddenly, he’s too hot. Everything is too hot. Chenle in his lap—too hot. Voice strained, he croaks, “You’re—You’re asking me?”

“No, I just…” Chenle rushes, then trails off, then groans. “Fuck.”

He doesn’t offer any further clarification. Instead, he grabs Jisung’s face and pulls him back in.

Jisung tenses up at first, but he can’t help but melt into the kiss. It’s scarily addicting, kissing Chenle. His mouth is wet and warm, and he’s licking into Jisung’s mouth as if it has all the answers he’s seeking. He’s so eager, far more eager than any other straight guy Jisung has kissed.

He scoots closer on Jisung’s lap and sighs into his mouth, and Jisung’s stomach twists into a knot. He runs his hands up and down Chenle’s waist, wanting to memorize how he feels in his arms, and tries not to whimper every time Chenle pulls away to let them breathe. He needs to stay collected. He can’t mess this up, whatever it is.

When Chenle squirms, though, something… happens. He shifts around in Jisung’s lap, tilting his head to deepen the kiss, and a soft noise leaves Jisung’s throat before he can catch it. His dick twitches in his sweatpants at the friction, starting to harden despite his wishes.

Fuck.

He rushes to distract Chenle with another kiss, hoping that the noise didn’t reach his ears, but before too long, Chenle pulls away and cups his face firmly, keeping him from leaning back in.

“Jisung,” he says. “Did you… Do you like this?”

Jisung winces. “I’m sorry,” he breathes. His face burns with shame, and he can’t meet Chenle’s eyes now. Not when he’s so obviously growing hard beneath him, enjoying these kisses a lot more than he should.

God, what’s wrong with him? This is Chenle. His best friend.

“No,” Chenle says quickly, fingers digging into Jisung’s jaw. “I’m not upset.”

“Oh.” Jisung dares to meet his eyes, eyebrows furrowed. He’s still completely lost, but if Chenle isn’t put off by what’s happening here, then maybe everything will be okay.

Chenle chews on his lower lip for a few seconds, quiet, clearly deep in thought. Finally, he blurts, “Can we try something?”

Jisung doesn’t bother to point out that they’re already trying something he never imagined they’d try together. He nods without question. “Anything you want.”

Chenle’s lips twitch into a small smile. “Anything I want?” he echoes. Without warning, he rolls off of Jisung’s lap and pulls Jisung with him, causing him to tumble down on top of him.

“Whoa—!” Jisung yelps, catching himself with his hands on either side of Chenle’s head so he doesn’t faceplant into him. Their bodies are pressed flush together now. He can feel every shaky breath Chenle takes, can feel his heart beating through his chest, as fast as Jisung’s, can feel his…

Oh. Chenle is hard.

Chenle is hard and pressing into Jisung’s hip, and suddenly, Jisung’s mind is blank. “Chenle,” he breathes.

Chenle’s face is rosy red. “Too much?”

Jisung shakes his head, mouth opening and closing. He’d gladly roll around and make out with Chenle all day. He’d gladly do so much more than that, too. 

He’d go a lot further with his best friend than he’d like to admit.

This isn’t too much for him, as embarrassing as that is. But isn’t it too much for Chenle, who’s never gone past drunk kissing with another guy? What, exactly, is he thinking?

“I’m totally fine, Chenle,” Jisung whispers, face burning at his confession. “But how far do you want to take this?”

Chenle shudders with an exhale. “I don’t… I don’t know, but…” He sighs. “I don’t want to stop yet.”

Jisung shifts around to try and find a more comfortable position on top of Chenle, then freezes in place at the tiny, choked sound that leaves Chenle’s mouth. Shit. Fuck.

This is insane. He has to know.

“Do you… want to get off?” he asks, ignoring the simmer on his skin. He might die of embarrassment if he’s reading this wrong, but Chenle is hard beneath him and flushed all over, and he’s telling Jisung that he doesn’t want to stop.

So where does that lead them?

Chenle’s responding nod sends something like an electric shock through his body. “Yeah,” Chenle whispers. “Wanna try.”

“Okay.” Jisung feels like he’s seconds from blacking out. His head is spinning in circles, and he’s straining against his sweatpants. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Chenle echoes, reaching up and threading his fingers through the hair at the back of Jisung’s head. He stares up at him patiently, eyes drifting to his lips.

Jisung leans down and kisses him.

It’s a bit different now, kissing Chenle and knowing where this whole thing is headed. The kisses are still wet and deep, but there’s even more heat than before, a buzzing energy between them that makes Jisung’s insides curl up. He pulls back for air after a few seconds and takes a deep breath, nervous and hesitant and beyond afraid of fucking this up, and then he starts to move.

He’s subtle at first, just barely grinding his hips into Chenle’s, not wanting to overwhelm him. Testing the waters, easing in carefully.

But when Chenle whines into his mouth, soft and breathless, Jisung’s rational thoughts crawl straight toward the back of his head.

“Fuck,” he breathes against Chenle’s mouth, rolling his hips harder and moaning. Chenle removes his hands from his hair and slides them under his shirt, exploring the expanse of his back, and Jisung shivers at his touch, shifting to align their hips better.

“Oh—” Chenle gasps the next time he grinds down, short fingernails digging into Jisung’s skin. Jisung moans again, unable to help himself, cock throbbing against Chenle’s through the fabric. Every jerk of his hips, every drag of their erections against each other, has him feeling delirious.

He feels crazed by the time Chenle starts to move with him, arching up and sighing against his lips. Jisung’s whole body is trembling with want alongside a mixture of bliss and shame. He sort of feels like he’s taking something he shouldn’t have, but he can’t bring himself to stop moving, not when Chenle is letting out tiny whimpers when their cocks rub together just right.

Chenle pushes Jisung’s shirt up his back to touch him better, then breaks the kiss by turning his head to the side, panting.

“Can you take it off?” he asks, avoiding Jisung’s eyes.

Jisung freezes. “My shirt?”

He burns all over when Chenle nods, but he listens without thought. He pushes himself up so he’s temporarily straddling Chenle and peels off his graphic tee, then tosses it to the side.

Chenle’s eyes are on him immediately, roaming his chest and torso. The way he looks at Jisung makes Jisung feel like he’s melting into mush. Chenle’s gaze is dark and thick and full of… want.

Does he really want Jisung? Since when?

“I should take mine off, too,” Chenle mumbles to break the silence. When he sits up, Jisung blushes, realizing they’ve almost perfectly swapped positions over the past few minutes.

“You don’t have to,” he says gently, but Chenle is already yanking his basketball tee over his head and flinging it toward Jisung’s on the floor.

Before they can lie back down, Chenle pulls Jisung forward by the waist and kisses him again. Jisung shakes under his touch, cock leaking in his sweatpants as Chenle traces his abs and ghosts his fingers over his nipples.

“You’re really hot,” Chenle mutters. It sounds more like a general observation than anything else, but Jisung’s breath hitches all the same. He cups Chenle’s face and slides his tongue into his mouth, starving for more.

His mind is racing with ideas of what to do next, how to get Chenle to fall apart for him, when Chenle’s hands suddenly drop from his abs to the waistband of his sweatpants. His fingers are shaking as they grip the drawstrings, but he succeeds in untying them, then pulls back, shooting Jisung a questioning look.

Jisung trembles. “Uh,” he chokes out. “Y-You want me to…?”

“If you want,” Chenle says softly.

Jisung thinks he really might die by the end of this exchange, but the thought is fleeting. He pushes it away with everything else infesting his brain and clambers off of Chenle’s lap, then shoves his sweatpants down his thighs.

The weight of Chenle’s gaze on his bulge has him jittering from head to toe, but he somehow manages to kick off his sweatpants and kneels by Chenle’s side, waiting for further instruction.

“Holy shit, your dick is big,” Chenle mumbles, eyes still trained darkly on where Jisung’s cock strains against the fabric of his boxers. Then, without a word, he starts to shimmy out of his own sweatpants, leaving him in a pair of tight briefs that make Jisung’s lungs feel like they’ve been popped like balloons.

“Um,” Jisung breathes, trying not to stare. “How do you want to…?”

“Come here.” Chenle reaches out and pulls Jisung back on top of him so they’re lying like they were before but with less layers. “Just… touch me like you’d touch any guy.”

You’re not any guy is the first and loudest thought that pops into Jisung’s brain. And it’s true. Chenle is nothing like the guys Jisung has hooked up with, not in the slightest. He’s… Fuck, he’s Chenle. He’s the first person Jisung goes to for everything. Jisung’s rock and anchor for so many years. He’s, like, the center of Jisung’s universe.

Touching Chenle in this way might seriously alter his life forever. He doesn’t know how he’s going to make it out of this alive.

Still, if this is what Chenle wants, he’s going to give it his best.

He swallows down his nerves and slots their mouths back together, holding himself up on his elbows. Then he starts to move again, rocking his hips into Chenle’s and gasping out at the intensified friction.

“Oh, fuck,” Chenle gasps, apparently feeling the difference as well. He hooks one leg over Jisung’s hip and lifts off the bed to rub against Jisung, moaning high in his throat.

“Fuck,” Jisung echoes, the grind of their hips combined with the sweet noises that escape Chenle working him up beyond belief. He tries to keep up with their kisses, but the more they move, the more of a mess he becomes. He grinds down and cries into Chenle’s mouth, leaking into his boxers.

Chenle lets out these choked, desperate whines with every rub of their cocks, back arched and hands gripping Jisung’s hips, almost guiding his rocking movements. The noises go straight to Jisung’s cock. He feels feral soaking in Chenle’s responsiveness, his eagerness. He craves more of it—needs more of it.

It takes some time, but he finally gathers the courage to snake a hand between their bodies and slide it down Chenle’s torso to his boxers. He pushes himself up just enough to give his hand room to hover over Chenle’s clothed cock, then pauses, eyeing Chenle’s flushed face.

“Can I touch?” he asks.

“Yes.” Chenle lifts his hips and tries to press into Jisung’s palm, breathing heavily. “Fuck, please.”

Jisung doesn’t hesitate this time. He palms Chenle’s cock through his boxers and attaches his lips to his jaw at the same time, then trails kisses down to his collarbone as he strokes him.

“O-Oh,” Chenle chokes out. He almost sounds stunned, but he lifts his hips again and moans so prettily that Jisung can’t do anything but continue to touch him, jerking him off firm and steady.

“Feel good?” he breathes, trying to stay balanced on one arm and ignoring the way his own cock is screaming for release. As humiliating as it would be, he wouldn’t be surprised if he came in his pants watching Chenle fall apart beneath him.

“Yeah, shit, so good,” Chenle babbles, grinding into Jisung’s hand. He tosses his head back and whines, loud and long. Jisung has to take a deep breath to compose himself.

Chenle then reaches up and pulls him down by the back of his neck, mumbling c’mere under his breath and connecting their mouths again. He whimpers into each kiss, lips faltering when Jisung teases the head of his cock through his boxers, but he refuses to let Jisung pull back for more than a second, kissing him deep.

“You close?” Jisung manages between kisses, speeding up his wrist. Chenle is writhing below him now, letting out the sweetest sounds of pleasure, and Jisung is really starting to worry about the possibility of coming untouched.

Instead of answering yes or no, though, Chenle wraps his fingers around Jisung’s wrist and pushes his hand away. “Can—Can we have sex?” he asks.

Jisung’s brain malfunctions.

“Uh,” he replies.

Sex? Chenle wants to…?

“I’m just trying to… I don’t know, see something?” Chenle chews on his lower lip, face somehow redder than before. Then suddenly, he slaps a hand over his eyes and groans. “Fuck, sorry. I don’t know why I thought I could… I don’t know. I’m sorry. I’m crossing the line. You’re not… You don’t have to…”

“Wait,” Jisung croaks. His poor heart might give out at any moment, but he still wants to give Chenle what he wants. And if he can’t do that, he wants to at least hear him out, come to some sort of understanding. “You really want to?”

Chenle groans again, though it’s more of a whine. His eyes are still covered. “I don’t understand it," he whispers.

“That’s… That’s okay,” Jisung murmurs. He rolls off of Chenle and lies by his side instead. He takes Chenle’s hand in his, the one that isn’t covering his face, and squeezes. “It’s not easy figuring out what you want and why. Sometimes you just…”

He trails off, unsure of how to comfort Chenle, who’s laid out on his bed like something out of Jisung’s wildest, most repressed wet dreams. Asking Jisung to touch him for the sake of finding answers to the questions that are clearly weighing down on him, or maybe for some other reason—Jisung doesn’t really know—but…

Fuck, he wants to help. He wants Chenle to find peace with himself.

“You wanna have sex?” he repeats, nudging Chenle’s leg with his knee. The words feel foreign leaving his mouth. He never planned on saying anything along the lines of wanna have sex? out loud to Chenle, his best friend, of all people.

Here he is, though, ready to do just about anything to give Chenle what he needs.

Chenle slowly uncovers his eyes. “Seriously?” he checks, cheeks cutely flushed. “Do you want to?”

Jisung falters, blinking rapidly. “Um. I—” Flustered but realizing there’s no way out of responding, he nods. “Y-Yeah.”

Chenle’s lips curl into a smile, and his eyes light up, as if all the confidence that trickled out of him has suddenly flooded back into his body. “Yeah? You want me?”

“Chenle,” Jisung groans. “D-Don’t—I’m just trying to—”

His poor attempt at defending his desire is cut short when Chenle suddenly lunges at him, knocking him to his back and climbing on top of him.

“You want me,” he repeats. “Say it.”

Jisung whines, somewhat mortified and completely unsure of how he ended up in this position. He’s still aching in his boxers, and Chenle is now sitting directly on his erection, and holy shit, they’re going to have sex.

“I do,” he mumbles, face searing. “Want you.”

Chenle beams at his confession. He then swallows, expression morphing into something serious. “So,” he says. “How do you usually…? Like, do you want to… or do you want me to…?” He huffs, suddenly, like he’s frustrated. “Why is this stuff so hard to say out loud?”

Jisung gives him an understanding smile. “You can fuck me,” he answers quickly, maybe too quickly. His stomach twists at the thought of Chenle over him, inside him.

Chenle raises his eyebrows. “Is that your preference?”

“No, it’s just… I just—I don’t know,” Jisung splutters, embarrassed.

“Really? Because you offered pretty fast,” Chenle says with a grin that only has Jisung’s skin burning hotter. He trails a finger up Jisung’s toned stomach and tilts his head. “Have you ever… thought about this?”

Jisung slings an arm over his eyes and groans, fighting a shudder. “I don’t know, maybe?” he mumbles.

It’s all an act. Of course he’s thought about this. How could he not? He’s shoved the thoughts out of his brain as soon as they’ve come, but they’ve flashed through his head nonetheless.

“And you want me to fuck you?” Chenle murmurs.

Jisung’s skin feels sizzling hot. He nods. “I have, um, lube in my drawer.”

When he feels Chenle shifting around, he uncovers his eyes and watches as Chenle crawls to his bedside drawer and opens it.

“Convenient,” Chenle laughs. He fetches the bottle of lube and holds it up. “You do this a lot? It’s pretty empty.”

“Shut up,” Jisung says weakly. “There’s enough.”

“Do you want me to finger you, then?” Chenle asks, moving back toward Jisung. He places the bottle of lube to the side and kneels next to where Jisung lies, eyes raking down his body to the bulge in his boxers.

Jisung’s cock twitches in interest, but the thought of asking Chenle to finger him is suddenly mortifying. “W-Well, I can do it if you—”

“Can I do it?” Chenle rephrases, sliding a hand up Jisung’s thigh and hooking his fingers under the waistband of his boxers.

Jisung’s breath hitches. “Sure,” he squeaks.

He lifts his hips when Chenle starts to tug at his boxers, pushing away the urge to cover his face again once Chenle succeeds in dragging them down his legs and discarding them. His cock is absurdly hard and leaking a little from the tip, and Chenle won’t stop looking.

“Fuck,” Chenle chokes out. “Holy fuck.”

“You’re staring,” Jisung complains, gripping the sheets at his sides for support. “Just do something.”

“Sorry,” Chenle says. He sounds unapologetic. “Can you turn over?”

Jisung trembles as he moves, but he obeys, gracelessly flipping over so he’s on his stomach. He then pushes himself up on his knees, leaving his chest flat on the bed so his back is arched.

“Um, it’ll probably be easiest like this, if that’s okay?” he rushes. His thighs are shaking, entire body tense at the sensation of being laid out for Chenle like this.

“Fuck,” Chenle says again. He sounds breathless now. “You… This is good.”

Jisung hears him uncap the lube and holds one of his pillows tight, heart racing. Oh, god, Chenle is about to finger him. How the hell is he meant to survive this?

“Spread your thighs,” Chenle murmurs, using his dry hand to help guide Jisung’s legs apart. “I-I barely know what I’m doing, so I’ll go slow.”

His lubed fingers brush against Jisung’s hole suddenly, and Jisung bites down on his lower lip, eyes screwed shut. Chenle doesn’t press any fingers into him at first, simply pets his rim and circles it curiously, but Jisung already feels like he’s going to combust.

“Chenle,” he chokes out after too many seconds pass. The anticipation and heat in his stomach is going to kill him. “Y-You can…”

“I got it,” Chenle mumbles, and then finally, he pushes a finger in.

Jisung can’t stop the soft whimper that leaves his throat. Being fingered has always felt so intimate to him, so knowing it’s Chenle kneeling behind him is bending his mind in ways he didn’t know possible. He takes a shaky breath and spreads his thighs more, clamping down on his lip when Chenle starts to move his finger.

“Relax,” Chenle says softly, kneading the side of Jisung’s ass with his free hand. “You’re so tight. It’s just me, Jisung. You can relax.”

Jisung does his best to listen, pressing his face into his arm and trying to even his breathing as Chenle experimentally thrusts and curls his finger. It’s not easy. The fact that it’s Chenle’s finger he’s stretched around alone has him quivering. Still, he tries to relax.

“That’s it,” Chenle whispers once his finger starts to move with more ease. “Do you want another?”

Jisung shudders then nods. “Yeah,” he mumbles into his arm.

Chenle pulls out his finger and circles Jisung’s rim with two. “What do you say?” he asks.

Jisung twitches. “Are you serious?” he replies, lifting his face a little so Chenle can hear him more clearly. “Chenle.”

“Hm?” Chenle hums from behind him. Jisung refuses to look, but he knows that he’s smiling.

“Please,” he forces out, cringing at the whiny edge to his voice. “C’mon…”

“That’s what I thought,” Chenle teases, caressing the curve of Jisung’s ass before he presses two fingers in.

“Oh—” Jisung lets out a sharp breath, like it was kicked out of him. He tries not to tense at the intrusion, parting his thighs again and arching his back to encourage Chenle to move.

Chenle holds Jisung by the hip as he pumps his fingers in and out, gradually opening him up. “How many fingers do you usually take?” he asks.

“Th-Three is good,” Jisung all but wheezes.

Chenle hums thoughtfully and keeps moving, curling and spreading his fingers like he’s trying to explore Jisung’s insides. Jisung attempts to stay quiet, but even so, small noises escape his throat with every breath he takes, the sensation of Chenle stretching him overwhelming.

He isn’t expecting Chenle to find his prostate, so when he does, he’s thoroughly underprepared. Chenle’s fingers just barely graze the spot inside him, and Jisung moans, loud and surprised, hips jolting to subconsciously press back on Chenle’s fingers.

Chenle’s hand falters. “You like it?” he asks, keeping his fingers focused on that spot.

“Yes,” Jisung grits out. Breathy whines leave his mouth with every brush of Chenle’s fingers against the nerves, muffled by his arm. His head feels heavier, suddenly, foggy with pleasure.

“Want another?” Chenle asks, voice strained like he’s the one getting fingered. This is seriously affecting him, and realizing that makes Jisung’s stomach flip.

“Yes, pl-please,” Jisung manages to gasp. His cock leaks onto the sheets. It’ll be a miracle, he thinks, if they make it to the actual sex part.

“Good… Good boy,” Chenle praises, wasting little time before squeezing in a third finger. Jisung arches his back and moans into his arm, overwhelmed by his own arousal, overwhelmed by the fact that it’s all for Chenle.

Chenle moves his fingers carefully, both stretching Jisung and aiming for the perfect angle to make him cry out more. Jisung’s skin is so hot it feels like he’s about to catch fire, the vulnerability of letting Chenle explore his body combined with the embarrassment of being so noisy making him flush all over.

Before long, his body starts to move on its own. He grinds back on Chenle’s fingers with every shift of his wrist, breaths coming out short and sharp. His head is swimming, the want consuming him.

“God, Jisung,” Chenle mutters. “You’re such a sight.”

Jisung whimpers, shaking all over. He doesn’t know how he’s going to survive this, but he’ll see it to the end no matter what.

“Fuck me,” he pleads.

Chenle swallows loud enough to be heard behind him, but he listens, slowly pulling his fingers out of Jisung and caressing his hip when he whines at the sudden emptiness.

“How do you want me to do this?” he asks, voice gentle. “How do you like it?”

Jisung hesitates. He likes being able to hide his face, but not being able to see Chenle at all is slowly killing him. He makes up his mind after a few seconds and turns over onto his back, eyes shyly lifting to Chenle’s.

He nearly stops breathing. Chenle is a lot more flushed than he was earlier, and his eyes… He looks crazed. Crazed and craving—and Jisung craves just as much. More, he thinks.

“Shit,” Chenle whispers, looking and sounding just as awed as Jisung feels. He wets his lips but stays still. “Do you have condoms?”

“Um.” Jisung squeezes his eyes shut. “No, but…”

“But?”

Jisung cracks an eye open. “But I don’t mind if you… you know…”

He thinks he might die if Chenle doesn’t fuck him right now is what he’s trying to say. Hopefully Chenle gets the memo.

The look of surprise on Chenle’s face shows that he at least understands. “Oh,” he whispers. “You’re sure?”

Jisung can’t meet his eyes. “Yeah,” he chokes out, fiddling with the bedsheets.

Chenle spreads his thighs apart and crawls to kneel between them. “And you want me just like this?” he checks.

“Yeah,” Jisung repeats, heart racing as Chenle moves in. He hovers over Jisung with his arms resting on either side of his head and dips down to kiss his lips, so quickly that Jisung almost thinks he imagines it. Then Chenle balances himself on one arm and uses his free hand to guide his cock between Jisung’s spread thighs to his hole.

Jisung shudders as soon as he feels Chenle’s tip press against his rim, but he parts his thighs further and moves his hands from the sheets to clutch Chenle’s waist, encouraging him to keep moving. His heart is hammering, stomach knotting like he’s at the edge of a cliff, yet at the same time, he’s never been more desperate.

“Okay?” The softness of Chenle’s voice sends a wave of adoration through Jisung, so intense it’s almost unbearable. He somehow manages a nod, though, sucking on his lower lip in anticipation.

Then Chenle starts to push in.

Even with all the caution, Jisung’s breath still hitches when the tip of Chenle’s cock breaches his hole. His eyes begin to flutter shut, but he forces them to stay half-open, mesmerized by the way Chenle’s eyebrows slightly draw together and his jaw goes slack.

“Fu-Fuck,” Chenle chokes out, sliding in a little more, and Jisung can’t help it. He whimpers, high and breathy and needy. The feeling of Chenle hot and hard inside him and the sight of his bliss is melting Jisung, reducing him to a puddle on top of the sheets.

When Chenle stops halfway, shaky breaths warm against Jisung’s face and eyes foggy with desire, Jisung makes another sound, this time of his own will. “Keep going,” he pleads. He’ll be embarrassed about his desperation later. Right now, he needs Chenle like he’s never needed anything.

Chenle listens and presses forward until he’s filled Jisung all the way, face suddenly dropping to Jisung’s neck. He shifts around and moans softly into the flushed skin there, a noise that has Jisung’s cock throbbing between their bodies.

“What the fuck,” he breathes. “You’re so tight.”

Jisung vividly remembers the first time he topped a guy. Chenle is holding it together pretty well compared to him.

“H-Have you ever done this with a girl?” he asks. He may be too curious for his own good, but he wants to know.

Chenle shakes his head, exhaling deep into Jisung’s neck. “You’re the first.”

The words stir something deep inside Jisung, a type of need for Chenle he doesn’t fully understand. “Chenle,” he whispers, desperate and not bothering to hide it. “Fuck me.”

Take me, he doesn’t say. Ruin me forever.

Chenle smiles into his neck, and Jisung isn’t quite sure why. But that doesn’t matter—because it’s only seconds later when he finally moves, rolling his hips, grinding carefully into Jisung.

Jisung shudders and moans, head tipping back and fingers digging into Chenle’s hips.

“More?” Chenle murmurs, clearly still in caution mode. “I’ll be gentle.”

“You don’t have to be,” Jisung tells him, though his heart swells with fondness.

Chenle continues to grind into Jisung slowly, ripping little gasps out of them both. “You sure?” he asks breathlessly.

“Please,” Jisung whispers.

Chenle finally starts to move, then, really move. He pulls out partway and thrusts back in, moaning into Jisung’s skin. Jisung cries out, back arching off the bed and thighs automatically coming up to close around Chenle’s waist. In the meantime, he weasels his arms around Chenle’s neck and holds on tight, eyes screwing shut so he can focus on the sensations.

“Chenle, Chenle,” he babbles thoughtlessly. “Oh, god.”

“Good?” Chenle grits out. He fucks Jisung at a steady pace, mouthing aimlessly at his neck and letting out little whines that make Jisung’s insides flood with heat.

“More, please,” Jisung begs.

Chenle detaches his mouth from Jisung’s collarbone and laughs, soft and breathless. “You’re so needy,” he notes, a small moan escaping him when he snaps his hips harder. “How long have you wanted this for?”

The question alarms Jisung so severely it feels like his heart has stopped, but he doesn’t have time to dwell on it or ponder an answer before Chenle speeds up and fucks him harder. Jisung trembles and clings to him tighter, flustered by the high-pitched sounds leaving his own throat but unable to stop them.

Chenle is noisy, too, whimpering with every rock of his hips, but that doesn’t stop him from talking. “Have—Have you ever pictured this?”

“Tried not to,” Jisung mumbles, arching up again, obsessed with the feeling of his body and Chenle’s flush against each other.

“Me too,” Chenle says.

Jisung’s eyes fly open. He knows why he’s struggled to keep his thoughts about Chenle under control. Not only does Jisung like guys, but he likes guys exactly like Chenle. Gorgeous and intense, witty and teasing. Wholehearted in everything they do. The fact that Chenle considered friendship with him still makes Jisung giddy to this day. The fact that they’re here now, doing this, makes him delirious.

But Chenle… Until now, Jisung didn’t have the slightest suspicion that his best friend was capable of viewing him in this light. How long, Jisung wonders, has he wanted this for?

Chenle shifts his weight and groans, but the sound is abruptly drowned out. Jisung sobs, a rush of pleasure coursing through him, emptying all thoughts from his head. The small shift puts Chenle at the perfect angle, so now each thrust sends tingles through Jisung’s entire body. His cock twitches where it’s trapped between their stomachs, leaking and aching for release.

“Oh, Chenle—” he gasps, clamping down on his lower lip to try and stifle some of the noises leaving him. Chenle leaves hungry, wet kisses all over the side of his neck, small whimpers falling from his lips to add to the chorus of lewd noises.

“Good?” Chenle checks. He sounds breathless and overridden with desire, and Jisung suddenly isn’t sure how he’ll return to normal after this—or if there’s even a possibility of doing so. 

He doesn’t think he’s ever going to stop wanting Chenle, not after this.

“Yes,” Jisung rushes. “It’s good. You’re good. Pl-Please don’t stop.”

“Think I’m close,” Chenle admits in a hushed voice. “Do you want me to pull out when—”

“No,” Jisung cuts in, wrapping his long limbs tighter around Chenle. “Please.”

Chenle lifts his face from Jisung’s neck without warning, so suddenly, he’s in Jisung’s direct line of sight, sweaty, flushed, and breathtaking. He stares down at Jisung with so much intensity and pure want that Jisung is afraid, for a moment, of his orgasm sneaking up on him.

Nothing will ever be the same after this, after receiving such a look from Chenle.

Chenle’s hips slow, to Jisung’s dismay, but his lips tug into a smile. “Really?”

Jisung grunts in frustration and tries to fuck himself on Chenle’s cock. His focus is all over the place. It’s on his impending orgasm, on the sight of Chenle hovering over him, on these feelings of his. He can barely keep up with a train of thought, nevermind hold a conversation.

Chenle’s smile grows—like he’s somehow pleased by Jisung’s impatience. “Say it,” he blurts.

Jisung whines, mortified. He’s not really used to this sort of teasing in bed, and he’s definitely not used to the heat it sends spiraling through him. But Chenle’s thrusts have given way to a slow, teasing grind that’ll likely drive Jisung to insanity if it keeps up for another minute.

“Inside me,” he croaks. “Finish inside me.”

Chenle’s lips twitch, eyes sparkling in a way that makes Jisung feel almost queasy. Then suddenly, he pushes himself up on his knees and pulls Jisung’s lower half with him, holding him by the hips.

“You’re amazing,” he says—just before he starts pounding into Jisung.

“Oh—!” Jisung cries, mouth falling open. He grabs the sheets and sobs out Chenle’s name, eyes wet with pleasure. It’s almost too much, being able to see Chenle’s blissed out face and knowing that Chenle can see his own, but Jisung can’t bring himself to close his eyes or turn his face, enchanted more than he is embarrassed.

“Jisung,” Chenle moans. He’s panting as he nails Jisung’s prostate, his eyelashes fluttering, and the sound of Jisung’s name coming from his mouth right now brings Jisung a sort of satisfaction that makes his toes curl.

“Please.” Jisung doesn’t know what he’s begging for, only knows that he needs it. He needs Chenle.

“Shhh,” Chenle hushes, but Jisung can still hear whiny sounds leaving his throat. “I’ve got you, Jisung. I’m not gonna stop.”

The all-too-familiar tingle coming from within sends Jisung into a panic. “W-Wait, I’m gonna—” he gasps.

“Me too, c’mon.” Chenle fucks him harder and moans, high and pretty. Jisung can’t stop staring at him, at the flush that paints his skin in various places, at the flashes of pleasure in his eyes, at the spot where their bodies meet. Chenle’s eyes rake over him, too, dark and craving, and it’s too fucking much.

“Chenle,” he squeaks, his last warning. Chenle gives him a small, determined smile and pulls his hips further off the bed to fuck into him deeper.

“Go ahead,” he says, eyeing Jisung’s flushed cock that’s dripping with precum. “I want to see.”

Jisung’s eyes fill with tears as his orgasm approaches. Tears of pleasure, mostly, with a mix of embarrassment, and maybe something a little heavier. He tries to blink them back, but when Chenle fucks into him just right, a couple escape and roll down his cheeks.

“Come on,” Chenle coaxes. “You can come for me, can’t you?”

Jisung can’t even manage a nod. The force of his orgasm is so strong, it takes over him completely. He arches off the bed and sobs through it, muscles tensed, jerking as he releases all over his stomach. Chenle watches closely and fucks him through it, hard and fast, small, desperate noises pouring out of him.

“Good,” he praises, a quiver in his voice. “There you go. D-Do you still want me to—”

“Yes,” Jisung gasps. He yanks at the sheets as the pleasure becomes overwhelming, but he allows Chenle to keep going. He needs it. He tries to bite down his whimpers and whines and fight off the post-orgasm fog so he can focus on Chenle alone, gazing up at him pleadingly.

“Fuck, Jisung,” Chenle chokes out, hips stuttering, and then he starts to unravel, too. His thrusts become jerky as he comes, but there’s a desperation in his movements that he didn’t let Jisung see until now. He releases inside Jisung with a broken moan, gripping his hips painfully tight and pounding into him until they’re both a mess of sweat and shaky cries.

By the time Chenle slows to a stop, Jisung’s limbs have turned to jelly. His face is wet, and his chest is heaving. He blinks rapidly, trying to clear his vision and also process his reality.

That… just happened. And… it’s over now.

He whimpers when Chenle starts to pull out, then clamps down on his lower lip, embarrassed now.

“Sorry,” Chenle whispers. He reaches down and pets Jisung’s cheek with the back of his hand as he slips out all the way, then crawls off to the side so Jisung can lie flat. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Jisung whispers back, dazed. He’s suddenly realizing that he just had the best sex of his life with his best friend of all people, and it was never supposed to happen in the first place.

As the post-orgasm bliss gradually fades, he starts to worry. This wasn’t planned, and nothing like it has ever happened before. He has no clue what to do next. He doesn’t have the slightest idea of where they’re headed from here.

He’s scared.

Chenle’s hand returning to cup his face and stroke his cheekbone momentarily distracts him. “What do you need right now?” he asks Jisung. “Water? A towel?”

“More,” Jisung accidentally says out loud instead of in his head, then panics. “I mean—” He wracks his brain before Chenle can react or respond. “—a kiss?”

It’s embarrassing, asking Chenle for anything after what he just gave him, and it’s also risky, seeing that they’re technically finished with what they aimed to do. Chenle has probably found the answer he was looking for, found something, at least. He might not have any interest in kissing Jisung anymore.

“A kiss?” Chenle echoes, smiling almost amusedly. “After all that, you want a kiss?”

“Nevermind,” Jisung mutters, face burning. He tries to sit up, but his jelly arms give out on him. “W-We should clean up.”

“No, come here.” Chenle lies by his side and pulls him in by the jaw, surprising Jisung with the kiss he asked for yet is somehow unprepared for.

It’s a lot softer and sweeter than Jisung expects right after the heat of their climaxes. He sighs into it and blindly, hesitantly reaches for Chenle until he’s holding his waist.

He tries to mentally dispel his worry and remember why they’re here. This all happened in an attempt to aid Chenle in coming to terms with himself. There was no reason for it to happen other than that, so Jisung shouldn’t concern himself about a continuation of this in the future or complicate the future with his feelings.

Still, as Chenle pulls away, Jisung wants to pull him right back in, or worse, blurt What are we?

Instead, he asks, as evenly as he can, “Did that, um, help you?”

To his surprise, Chenle laughs in his face. “Yeah, I think so,” he says. “Worthwhile research.”

Jisung’s heart rate creeps up. He wants to keep his mouth shut before he can ruin this, but he wants to know so badly that this meant something to Chenle. Anything.

“And the results?” he asks before he can think twice. He tries not to clutch Chenle’s waist too hard, tries not to let off how scared he is that they’ll never talk about this again, that they’ll go on to pretend it never happened while it haunts Jisung for the rest of his life.

Chenle’s face, still glowing, turns red again. He gives Jisung a shy grin. “Can we do it again sometime?”

For a second, Jisung stops breathing. His heart rate spikes. The idea of Chenle wanting to have sex another time excites him just as much as it confuses him.

“You didn’t reach a conclusion?” he asks, holding his breath as he waits for an answer.

Chenle laughs again, soft and fond. “No, I did,” he says. “The conclusion is that I want to do it again.”

Jisung blinks.

“But only if you want to, of course,” Chenle rushes to add. He studies Jisung carefully. Jisung doesn’t know how much his face gives away, but he must be doing a decent job hiding his emotions, because for a moment, Chenle looks unsure.

“I do,” Jisung admits, hushed. “But why do you?”

He isn’t sure what sort of an answer he expects, but any clarification would be helpful, he thinks.

“Because I liked it,” Chenle tells him, slowly. “Because I like… you?”

Jisung freezes. He has to replay the words twice in his head before he can even begin to understand them.

Disbelieving, he mumbles, “Is that a—a question?”

Chenle leans in and kisses him again, and Jisung lets him despite how rigid with shock he is. It’s a little firmer than before, more charged.

“Definitely not,” Chenle mumbles against Jisung’s lips. “I do have a few, though.”

“A few what?” Jisung wheezes out, a little distracted by Chenle’s confession. Confession. Confession.

“Questions.”

Chenle likes him? Chenle likes him.

“Oh,” Jisung breathes. “W-Well, I have time. And answers. Maybe.” He quickly tacks on, “And I like you, too.”

“That answers the first one,” Chenle says with a giggle. There’s a slight shake in his voice but a smile on his face that brings out a smile on Jisung’s.

He lifts his head and kisses Chenle once more—just because he can. He’s warm all over and shaking, and when Chenle’s smile grows, so does his.

“What else do you want to know?” he asks. “I’ll tell you anything.”