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“You filthy, slimy snake-“
“Ah ah ah! None of that, gorgeous. You begged for this remember? I’ve never seen anyone as desperate for my attention as you, and i’ve been alive a long time.”
“I was not-“
“Oh spare me, bellhop! You’re not nearly as unreadable as you think you are.”
The other looked up at him, brows still furrowed and shoulders still tensed. Lucifer rolled his eyes.
For a solid three months, Alastor had been calling him increasingly lovey-dovey pet names.
It began with a simple “sweetheart” that slipped out while Alastor was doing his daily routine of making him miserable.
They were coincidentally in the kitchen at the same time. Lucifer craved some midnight pancakes and caught Alastor preparing some jambalaya. Weird, sure, but he was in no position to judge.
He bitterly took the complete opposite side of the kitchen, determined to pay the other no mind. He emptied his mind as he stirred his batter, finally getting into a good headspace. Alastor took notice.
“Mind passing me the salt, sweetheart?”
When he first registered the words, he thought two things in quick succession.
One: no one’s called him that in almost a decade.
Two: the subtle southern drawl in Alastor’s voice was completely, utterly, and unfairly attractive.
It wasn’t until he was undeniably glowing bright gold that he realized the other had meant to antagonize him. Alastor’s eyes were staring, clearly excited at having struck gold.
“Oh my~ what do we have here? Does the big scary king of hell enjoy being called sweetheart? What about baby? Darling~?
Lucifer snapped out of it immediately, growling as he bared his teeth.
“Watch your mouth, sinner. You don’t deserve to call me anything but your king,” he spat.
But it was too late. Alastor hummed happily and went back to stirring his pot, completely unfazed.
After that, they just kept coming.
“Good morning, handsome.”
“Coffee, my love?”
“There you are, angel.”
“How are you doing today, dove?”
“Well if it isn’t the apple of my eye.”
Every time, he spoke with the same teasing look in his eye. As if daring him to do something about it. Lucifer payed it no mind at first, ignoring him to the best of his ability.
After a month, he found himself increasingly annoyed at how comfortable the deer had become with calling him pet names. As if he had any right to take his wife’s (he was still like, 35% sure) place.
So he started rolling his eyes, huffing, spitting insults and yelling back. Alastor clearly enjoyed getting him riled up enough to see his demon form. It was all fruitless.
Two months in, he began to play along.
“There you are mon ange! Care for some whiskey?” The bastard had recently switched to French. Luckily, Lucifer knew every language ever spoken, so he took the opportunity.
“Merci beaucoup, mon chéri~ how can I refuse?”
Alastor’s eyes widened for a split second before they took on a glint of excitement. He handed him a glass.
“You speak French?”
“I speak more languages than you think exist, amour.”
Alastor’s smile wavered for a split second before going back to its usual place. Liked he’d let this loser win in a million years.
“Very well my dear. All the more to work with!”
Lucifer raised a brow in slight amusement.
“Ce jeu a assez duré, vous ne trouvez pas?”
“Au contraire, beau~ i’m just starting!”
In a flash, Lucifer grabbed his chin and forced the other down to his level. “If you keep going, i’m gonna make you put your money where your mouth is,” he whispered against the other’s neck.
Alastor froze long enough for the king to take a sip from his glass, wink at him, and disappear in a puff of smoke.
He would not lose that easily.
The nicknames eventually became subtle touches. A rub on the other’s shoulder. A casual hand running through the other’s hair while one sat on the couch. A kiss on the hand from Alastor. A kiss on the cheek from Lucifer.
The other members of the hotel had accepted this was inevitable when Alastor had started his pet name scheme. It was all too obvious they treasured each other deeply, but whether for entertainment or company no one really knew.
“I’m tellin’ ya,” Angel casually mentioned to Cherri, “just a matter of time before we catch ‘em fucking on the couch.”
Cherri laughed but punched him for the mental image. “I’d rather die than catch the creepy red one moaning. I bet it’d sound like static or somethin’ stupid!”
Lucifer heard every word. He resisted the urge to correct them; Alastor’s filter came off when he moaned. He knew because he’d playfully pet him on the ears once and was met with a satisfied hum.
“Hey, gorgeous! What creepy shit are you up to today~?” He singsonged while sneaking up behind him in his radio tower and scratching the other’s ears. He watched Alastor visibly relax and hum before going right back to having a stick up his ass.
“You’re lucky I wasn’t on air, brat.”
He had to take a punch to the face, but it was so worth it.
After three months, Alastor had begun going into Lucifer’s room to bother him there. He’d put up a sign, but it never really stopped the other.
“More ducks? Come on darling, diversify a bit. Ever heard of a goose?”
“Too violent.”
“Swan?”
Lucifer shivered. Bad memories, he supposed.
“Chickens?”
Lucifer finally turned around from his work station. “Why are you here?”
“Can’t I visit my favorite biblical devil?”
“I’m the only biblical devil??”
“So you are!”
They stared at each other. He had no idea how, but he’d started to enjoy the loudspeaker’s company. He smirked.
“What about angels? Am I your favorite one of those?” He inched forward towards Alastor, who was sitting on his bed.
“I suppose you are the least of a threat to me.”
Lucifer rolled his eyes but smiled, finally reaching Alastor and looking down at him.
“What about…hotel stayer?”
“Nifty might have you beat there, my love.”
Lucifer took one of Alastor’s ears in his hand and gently scratched. The sinner stilled.
“I think you’re lying.”
Alastor looked up at him cautiously, but made no effort to move. Lucifer felt his mind go silent for the first time in years.
His body moved on its own as he took a seat on Alastor’s lap, effectively straddling him and holding him in place.
“Get off,” the deer warned. Lucifer continued to run his fingers through his hair and play with his ears, enjoying the unexpectedly fluffy texture.
“You filthy, slimy-“ he went to grab Lucifer’s hand to rip it off, but was stopped by a rope being conjured around both his wrists and tying him down.
“Ah ah ah! None of that, gorgeous. You begged for this remember? I’ve never seen anyone as desperate for my attention as you, and i’ve been alive a long time.”
“I was not-“
“Oh spare me, bellhop! You’re not nearly as unreadable as you think you are.”
The other looked up at him, brows still furrowed and shoulders still tensed. Lucifer rolled his eyes. It brought them to the present.
He made the rope disappear and freed Alastor, who stayed prefectly still under him.
“Why aren’t you pushing me off?” He smirked. The sinner stayed as still as a deer in a headlight; had the same look too, Lucifer mused.
“Because you want this, don’t you~?” He cupped the other’s face. Alastor swallowed dryly.
“When was the last time you were properly loved? Or even held?” the king asked, knowing the answer was likely something akin to “never.”
He looked down at the other’s lips and looked back up at his eyes. He’d never seen his pupils so dilated, it was adorable. Alastor made no move to stop him, and he knew that’s as close as he was gonna get to consent. He inched forward and let his lips hover over the demon’s, waiting.
He felt Alastor move slightly forward, connecting their lips and locking them in a kiss. Lucifer felt his tail sway happily behind him as he hummed into it, savoring how the other trembled from inexperience.
The angel tilted his head and leaned in more, and he felt Alastor’s hands move to his hips to hold him in place.
In return, he snaked his arms around the other’s shoulders, one hand going up to scratch the other’s scalp and gently tugging at his hair.
Alastor’s breath hitched. He was enjoying this a completely unexpected amount and let himself moan into it happily. His enthusiasm felt reciprocated when the man on top of him smiled into the kiss and giggled.
“Is this what you’ve wanted this whole time~” the devil teased as he moved to peck the other’s cheeks over and over, switching from one to the other. Alastor chuckled and felt all the tension he’d been feeling melt away.
“Not at all. This is all you, pretty.”
“Still with the nicknames? I’ve given you what you want, haven’t I?” Lucifer smiled.
“Just an observation~” the deer cupped his face, and Lucifer melted into the feeling. Going from beyond touch-starved to being overwhelmed with care was not on his bingo card. He kissed his sinner again.
“And here I thought seduction was your thing.” Alastor whispered agaisnt his lips, eyes halfway closed yet locked directly with his.
Lucifer rolled his eyes. “I doomed humanity one time, get over yourself,” the king mumbled as he trailed kisses down the other’s neck.
It seemed to tickle his partner; Alastor started muffling his laughter against his shoulder and telling him to cut it out. Lucifer did not listen, preferring to gently poke under the other’s ribcage to draw out more laughter from his lover. Alastor chuckled lightheartedly and finally pushed the angel off, only to be pounced on and be forced back onto the bed. He was assaulted with pecks to his lips, cheeks, forehead, and temple. He let the warmth overtake his senses and hugged the shorter man in an attempt to restrain him.
Lucifer smiled and let himself be squeezed, offering the same in return. They laid together on the soft mattress, devil against the sinners chest and listening to his steady heartbeat. His tail lazily swayed back and forth, and Alastor watched it as one would a ticking clock.
He managed to get a hold of it and twirl it in his hands, a pleased hum coming from the owner.
“Does that feel good?” He questioned. He hated having his own tail touched, if only because he hated the feeling of arousal in general.
“Mhm, kinda tickles. Doesn’t yours?”
“No. It makes me nauseous.”
“Noted.”
He continued to twirl the spindly tail in his hand, other hand slowly rubbing up and down the angel’s back. He felt the other smile and suddenly didn’t care about his wrists getting sore; he’d stay in that position for as long as his sweetheart wanted him to.
“Are we dating?” Alastor heard himself ask, completely against his own will. After the last few weeks, they’d blurred the line between mindless teasing and affection to a confusing degree he’d been explicitly ignoring. Until now.
Lucifer’s gorgeous golden eyes looked up at him, glowing in perfect calm. “Do you want us to be?”
Alastor thought about the implications. He wanted this, wanted him, but he was also not stupid. “No sex. Ever.”
Lucifer raised a brow. “Are you shy? I wouldn’t judge you, you know that right?”
Alastor gave a slight chuckle. “I know. I just don’t want it, and I need to know now that you’ll be okay with dating me knowing that it’s off the table.”
Lucifer looked at him for a second before smiling. “Can I kiss you?”
“Well, yes-“
“How about cuddling?”
“If you catch me in the right mood.”
Lucifer giggled at that. “Can we go on dates? Watch movies? Dance?”
Alastor looked down, starting to get a bit confused. “Those are usually part of being in a relationship, no?”
“So why would I care that you don’t want sex? I want you, cher.” He sealed the promise with a peck to the lips, only to see Alastor’s shocked expression right after. He was then hit with the most genuine, gentle smile he’d ever seen from the other.
The demon held him tight and nuzzled into his hair. “Thank you.”
Lucifer chuckled fondly, huffing out a “weirdo.”
“Says the man obsessed with waterfowl.”
“Says the cannibal.”
“You are quite literally the devil.”
Lucifer stuck his tongue out and kissed the other again, just because he could.