Archive of Our Own

The water on the pot boils and Miku is about to call for Tatsu when he comes back in the room. Wordlessly, he picks up the egg from the pot and puts it aside, like it’s not burning.

He’s probably touched, or been burned by hotter things, but still.

“Did I…” Miku starts, turning to him, “Did I ask you to make me breakfast every morning?”

Tatsu halts his movements. That look that he has before he’s about to profusely apologize for the most minor mistake—a mix of panic and shame—start to fill his eyes so Miku quickly reaches up to grab his wrist before he can crack his forehead open on the hot stove.

“Sorry, that didn’t come out right. I’m not accusing you, I’m just…” She scrunches her brows, trying to think back to when Tatsu started diligently making her both breakfast and a lunch box. “You don’t have to. That’s really nice but I can technically do it.”

Tatsu now looks more confused than panicked so Miku feels it right to let go of his wrist.

“You… can…” he starts slowly. “But I can too?”

“Yes, but you don’t have to,” she replies in the same slow, confused tone.

“But I want to?”

A smile creeps up on her lips. “Why would you? It’s more work than you need to deal with.”

“I like to know that you don’t go to work on an empty stomach. Especially because you tend to work too hard and forget to eat lunch at a reasonable time.” He shrugs, then turns around to prepare his egg. “Your well-being simply matters to me.”

Her stomach feels warm. “You’re not angry I don’t do the same?”

“You do plenty of other things for me. It doesn’t have to be an eye for an eye, ya know?”

The expression makes her smile. “I guess you’re right.” She goes back to finish her breakfast. Tatsu has a way of making even the simplest meals delicious. The time he’s spent getting better at cooking has more than paid off.

The meal tastes even better.

A faint knock on the door takes her out of her overthinking. “Yes?”

“It’s almost 9PM and you haven’t eaten yet.”

She glances at the bottom corner of her computer screen. It is indeed almost 9PM.

“I was worried,” Tatsu adds and it forces her to turn around and finally look at him. That small wrinkle on his forehead is showing, and his eyes look incredibly soft as they’re not hidden behind his sunglasses. Miku feels a pang in her stomach—guilt, perhaps.

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” She runs a hand through her hair and sighs. “I’ve been struggling with that work presentation.”

“Anything I can help with?”

As she looks at him then, a slow realization anchors itself in her brain; she’d missed him today. She didn’t really realize, because she was technically in the same room as him for a while earlier, and he’s just there. But the presentation and the anxiety associated with it had taken up so much brain space, it felt like they barely talked that day.

“I don’t…” It feels too vulnerable and childish to say aloud, somehow. And though it’d be easier to pretend that everything is fine, it’d be slightly less painful with him beside her.

“Maybe we should start with you eating something?” he suggests before she can find the right turn of phrase.

She can’t fight the little smile on her lips. He smiles back, softly, in a way that manages to disarm her every time.

She smiles back, sheepish. “Yeah, thanks Tacchan.”

He’s back in a room in what feels like seconds, as she scrambles to make space on the small desk. He carefully puts down her bowl, and the movement brings up the comforting scent of his chicken noodle soup. Her stomach growls just as it does and she laughs.

“I was hungry! Thank you,” she tells him again as she slides the bowl close to her. “It smells so good.”

Tatsu sits next to her, two mandarins in his hands.

She digs into the meal, eager to taste this soup. Somehow, it seems like every time he makes it, he manages to perfect it some more.

“You did it again, Tatsu!”

“Did I?” he asks, and she can hear the smile in his tone. She looks up to see it anyway, and she’s glad she did.

In the tumult of every day life, she sometimes forgets to appreciate the person by her side. She forgets what she started to see in him as they grew closer, and her feelings for him grew. But here, so close to him, with a meal that makes her feel at home, it all comes back.

The twinkle in his eyes, the crinkles at the corner, that crooked smile—it all makes his usual solemn face feel so warm and inviting. She slightly leans on him, hoping that small contact can convey all the love she feels. He smiles a bit more, so she thinks it does.

She eats in silence, as Tatsu peels a mandarin that he puts close to her bowl, and another he starts eating.

When she's done, instead of full and groggy, she feels energized.

She still picks up her mandarin, some more vitamin can’t hurt

Tatsu stands, and clears up the table. “What can I help with?” he asks when he steps back into the room.

“I believe the presentation itself is done, but every time I try to practice, it feels clunky and unnatural.”

“Isn’t that the nature of a work presentation?”

Miku rolls her eyes but she’s smiling. “Well, yeah but I don’t want to bore myself to tears.”

“Understandable.” Tatsu nods towards her pile of documents and her computer, “Show me.”

She winces. Despite really liking her job, she always feels a bit self-conscious when she talks about it to someone outside the workplace. “Don’t be too bothered by the technical terms. Just tell me if a sentence is too long or incomprehensible or whatever.”

He nods, sits up straight like a model student. She likes that he takes his role so seriously. So she takes a deep breath and starts.

When she gets to the end, Tatsu abruptly stands up too and she almost feels like she’s in trouble. Funnily enough, she feels more prepared already. If she managed to do her whole presentation in front of an ex-yakuza with a piercing gaze, she can do it in front of her non-threatening colleagues no problem!

Tatsu takes one step closer, and puts a heavy hand on her shoulder. “You’re overthinking again,” he says in a tone that makes her feel like she’s being scolded. “I can see where all your work went. It’s easy to understand even for someone outside of your field, so you’ll be perfect.”

Her shoulders sag with relief. “Really?”

“Have I ever lied to you?”

“Uh….” And suddenly, she’s not sure whether or not the question is rhetorical. So she really thinks about it and well, “I don’t think you ever did lie.”

Tatsu nods, looking like a sage. She snorts before she herself places a hand on Tatsu’s shoulder, with a facial expression as neutral as she can muster. “Thank you.”

She breaks character when she gets on her tiptoes to try and appear tougher. Tatsu’s laughter joins hers.

“I’m home-” The door slamming shut unintentionally punctuates her sentence. “Ah, sorry, I didn’t mean to!”

She sighs as she sits down to take her shoes off. Those stupid heels.

“Welcome home, Miku.” She glances his way, sending Tatsu a small smile. “Another long day?”

“Yeah…” she answers as she puts her shoes away. She stands and walks towards him. Without thinking much, she rests her head against his chest. Tatsu immediately embraces her.

“Thank you for all you do,” he says. The words are like balm on a burn, his voice makes her slowly feel more at ease. Yet the anger of the day still sits on her skin, sticky, almost the same as she feels after touching the metro’s handle.

Tatsu draws small circles on her back, his hand hot enough that she feels it from under her blazer jacket.

She sighs again, but this time from relief and that all-encompassing feeling of safety. She wouldn’t have bet on ever feeling this way with Tatsu when she first met him, and yet.

“Dinner is almost ready but I can make you a cup of tea if you want?”

She nods. “I’d like that please,” she says, voice muffled against his apron.

“Okay.” Tatsu plants a kiss at the top of her head, and tightens his embrace for a few seconds before slowly letting her go.

“I’ll go change,” Miku says, making her way to their room. She puts on comfortable clothes on autopilot before going back into the living room, where Tatsu has already prepared her favorite cup on the table.

He comes back into the room with a steaming tea pot just as she sits cross-legged. “So, do you want to tell me about your day?”

“I mean, it’s nothing crazy. Work’s just as hectic as ever but there’s this one new guy I can’t stand.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, he’s like 12 and so cocky. I’m not saying I know everything but I didn’t start my job yesterday either.”

“I think you’re pretty damn good at your job, Miku.” He serves her tea, but from how he’s leaning, she can see his gaze is mostly on her.

She shrugs, looking down feeling a tinge of embarrassment. “I guess? Anyway, he was just getting on my nerves. He spent the whole day shadowing me,” she highlights the last two words with air quotes, “but he kept making asinine remarks at each different task.”

Tatsu tuts, shaking his head disapprovingly.

“Right?”

“Anyway, eventually, he tried to explain to me how to use a software I’ve taught to pretty much all the new hires, so I snapped…” Miku rests her head on her propped hand.

“What’d you say?”

“I told him that a shadow is supposed to be fucking silent and next time he tried to explain to me how to do my work, he’ll get to know my knuckles.”

There’s a second too long of silence so Miku looks back up. Tatsu is trying to hide his laughter behind his hand in the least discreet way possible. It makes her smile a little too.

“Well, I think you did what you had to do,” he says, trying to keep a straight face.

“Really? I was expecting you to play devil’s advocate, or at least to tell me not to threaten people at work.”

“Have I ever defended the devil?” Tatsu asks with such seriousness she starts giggling.

“Actually, I don’t think you ever did,” she replies her voice tinted with mirth.

Tatsu nods, looking like he’s thinking back through his whole life history. “Hmm… That’s good to know.”

“But I did threaten violence on professional territory, which I’m not proud of.” Miku reaches for her cup. It’s still a bit too hot.

“Well, this turf is both of yours so I think that if he disrespects it, you’re in your right to defend yourself.”

It feels pretty simple, when laid out that way. “I guess you’re right,” she says, with a smile. “But I’ll try not to do it again.”

“Or you can call me next time someone bothers you.”

Of course she’s thought about it. After all, her colleagues know Tatsu by now, but some new guy would probably think twice about pissing her off if he saw him. “I’ll think about it.”

As she takes a sip of her tea, she fleetingly thinks it might not do her too good to have a partner so willing to take her side even when she does mess up. But it feels good to be supported, so she’ll allow it for now. That’ll be an issue for 80 year old Miku to solve.

“This isn’t going anywhere.” Miku’s head snaps up from her curled up legs, and her heart skips a beat or two. There’s a sinking feeling in her stomach and-

“This fight. We’re talking in circles and it’s tiring you as much as it does me.” Tatsu has taken off his sunglasses, carelessly put on the floor at his side, and he runs his hands over his face.

Miku feels a wave of cold relief, but her heart still beats harder than it should. He’s right. They’re much better at conflict than they used to be, but those arguments still deplete her of so much energy, makes her feel anxious all over.

“Sorry for being stupid,” she tells him without looking his way, slowly resting her head on her knee again.

“You’re not.” He means it, she knows, yet the words don’t really reach her. She feels distant, and on those days she wonders how possible their relationship really is.

“I… I don’t do it on purpose, you know?” She hugs herself a bit tighter. “The… combativeness.”

“I know you don’t. I don’t either. I think it’s normal that we trigger stuff we don’t like in the other.”

Of course it’s normal. No couple is perfect, and most couples don’t have half the baggage Tatsu has with his past. And yet, she can’t help but feel like she’s the one dragging them down.

“Maybe. But wouldn’t it be easier if you were with someone less… like that?”

She tries to keep her voice steady, she doesn’t want to make him feel bad for her when she’s the one who started a stupid argument about a fictional character in a fictional world. If every fight wasn't so exhausting, they could probably make a compilation of the dumbest argument starters they could laugh about on good days.

“Maybe not.” He shrugs, the fabric of his jacket rustling with the movement. “Maybe I’d still find a way to find something to combat them on.” Miku looks up then. There’s not a trace of anger on his face.

“I guess, I just feel…” She frowns, slightly. Inadequate. But she’ll never say it aloud. She feels like a fraud for thinking that she has the shoulders to be there for someone who has lived through horrors she can’t even imagine.

“I think we’re okay Miku. I don’t really plan on going anywhere.” The softness of Tatsu’s voice is a reminder that he genuinely cares.

She smiles, wryly. “I know.”

“I don’t think you truly do.”

Tatsu moves from where he’s sitting. She follows his movements, as he slides close to her, sitting on his knees with his body turned towards her. She then looks up to meet his gaze, where she sees nothing but a steel resolve.

Gently, he opens up his arms and invites her closer, “Come here.”

Something in her stirs, both needing the warm reassurance and feeling undeserving of it. She resists letting the wrong voice win, and accepts the embrace. Even at their worst, being in his arms has a soothing, reassuring effect on her.

“We’re okay,” he tells her again, his voice so close to her ear. “I didn’t choose you to abandon at the smallest setback.”

Miku tries to swallow the lump in her throat.

“I intend to stay with you a whole life, as long as you’ll have me. So if you can’t trust yourself, you can trust me. I don’t plan on going anywhere, Miku.” Despite closing her eyes as hard as she can, a tear rolls on her cheek.

Tatsu doesn’t comment on it, but he does hold her a bit tighter. And he does murmur, so gently she could have missed it, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Something feels off this morning. Miku goes through the motions—waking up, putting away her futon, covering up with something warm and going to the bathroom to prepare. The sharp light forces her more awake and it’s when she starts brushing her teeth that it clicks: Tatsu hasn’t prepared anything this morning.

The apartment doesn’t smell of anything and it’s eerily quiet.

She hurries through brushing her teeth and washing her face to go to their kitchen. Tatsu’s there, leaning on the kitchen sink, as if he was feeling faint. Miku rushes to his side, hands on his arms and back to soften the fall if it happens.

“Hey, Tatty, you’re okay?”

He nods, but it’s like he’s not really there. His hair, undone, fell back on his forehead from the movement. It’s yet another sign of something not being right, and it’s confirmed by his completely vacant gaze.

“Come on, let’s sit in the living room.”

There’s a few seconds of resistance before he loosens his grip on the sink and lets himself be guided to the next room.

“Wait a second,” she tells him, hurrying to get a floor chair and a cushion for him. All his movements are much slower than usual, like his body is abnormally heavy and he hasn’t slept in days, but he does sit down.

Miku stays close a few more seconds just in case. “I’ll call in sick, stay put. Okay?”

She waits for the weak nod to leave the room to get her phone, but she comes back to keep an eye on him as she’s calling.

She feels relieved to be able to focus all her energy on her husband, and she goes straight back to his side. A hand on his forehead doesn’t reveal anything too worrying.

“Ok, have you eaten anything yet?”

“I tried, but I wasn’t hungry. You can have it if you want.” It’s like talking is taking up too much of his energy.

“Maybe later, thank you Tatty.” He nods, his face devoid of any emotion so she takes a deep breath to try and think.

“Can I do anything for you? Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Couldn’t really sleep. Had a bad nightmare.”

So that explains the sudden rustling that jolted her awake. “Wanna talk about it?”

He vigorously shakes his head. It’s the most animated she’s seen him in the past minutes so she doesn’t insist.

“Thought I was back in the yakuza. I don’t really remember but it’s too gross to tell you,” Tatsu ends up adding, his face a mix of disgust and pain.

Miku’s heart breaks for him. She wishes she could erase those nightmares and bad memories for him. “So you’re just really tired?”

“Yeah, also my stomach hurts but that happens every time I have one of those,” he says, putting a hand over the bottom left of his stomach.

“Your… scar?”

“Yeah.”

She guesses the nightmare might be related to that, but she doesn’t want to pry. “Do you think a bath would help?”

“You don’t need to worry Miku, I’ll be fine. I already feel better seeing you.”

He looks completely serious saying this, and Miku fights off a smile. “I’m sure you do, but I would feel better if you felt better too.” Tatsu looks at her like she’s speaking a foreign language so she tries again, “Bath?”

“Okay.”

She smiles, wide. If there’s one thing she can do, it’s make a bath extra comfortable. “Perfect! Don’t move, I’ll be right back.” She plants a kiss on his cheek and runs to the bathroom.

While the water is running, she rummages into her drawers to find the bath bombs and the little dissolving hearts for the bath she recently purchased.

She calls for Tatsu once the bath is almost full, and still a bit hotter than he likes it, to allow for some time for him to prepare. The little hearts are already floating in the water and it brings him his first smile of the day.

“But wait!” she says, brandishing the bubblegum pink Policure bath bomb and then dramatically dropping it in the water. Tatsu seems fascinated by the little bubbles forming, and Miku allows herself to feel a bit of relief for the first time of the morning.

She helps him out of his clothes once the bathwater is all pink and Tatsu carefully goes in. The effects of the warm water seem almost immediate—his shoulders sag, he rests fully against the bathtub and he let his eyes close. He holds out a hand for Miku to hold. She does, intertwining their fingers.

“Didn’t you want to come in with me?” Tatsu asks. It’s tempting but she’s not yet sure she can relax completely.

“Next time?”

He opens his eyes, and their gazes meet. She smiles. He smiles in response. “Okay, next time.”

At first, they share the space silently. It’s comforting, in its own way. Then slowly, Tatsu seems to regain some of his energy and they chat about everything and anything.

As Tatsu towels himself after a quick rinse, Miku asks, “I’d like to avoid making you feel worse with my cooking so… Is it ok if we order something later?”

“I’d eat anything you make Miku.”

She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, and remember the last time you did?”

Tatsu snorts. “I wanted to give your meal the benefit of the doubt. Never judge a book by its cover, as they say.”

“You’re allowed to judge my food if it avoids hours of you feeling sick.”

Tatsu shrugs. “Was worth it.”

She gently taps his arm. “Don’t be stupid,” she says with a smile. “I’ll get your clothes.”

After the bath, they share the breakfast Tatsu made, while watching the teleshopping channel he likes. Miku eventually ends up caught up in it, and they debate prices and whether or not they need a vacuum cleaner that does more than simply vacuuming.

They shared a lazy day. Tatsu tried to teach her how to make a simple strawberry cake. Miku wasn’t really that good, but it was entertaining and Tatsu managed to salvage it enough for them to have dessert with their ordered KFC. Their afternoon stroll turned into Tatsu buying groceries for the whole week and they had enough of their lunch left to eat at night.

By 9PM, she felt as tired as after a day of work, though much more fulfilled and lighthearted.

“Wanna sleep?” she asks, just as Tatsu yawns.

He smiles, sheepish. “Yeah, I’m wiped out.”

They have lied down for what feels like half an hour when Tatsu speaks. “Thank you for today, Miku. I’m sorry you missed work for me but-”

Miku adjusts slightly, turning her head towards him even as she can’t see anything in the dark of the room.

“No, thank you for letting me help, for letting me in.”

Tatsu is about to speak but she reaches for him, resting her hand on his arm.

“I don’t know if I will ever be able to be strong enough to help, on days were things get really rough for you.” She takes a deep breath to steady her nerves and continues, “I don’t really know all the details of what you’ve been through but I see glimpses of pain and it hurts too.”

The duvet ruffles and rustles on Tatsu’s side. Despite the overwhelming want to keep talking or explain herself, she waits. “I don’t expect you to fix me, Miku. You’re enough.”

She hums, to let him know she heard him. She feels a bit too seen even in complete darkness.

“You’ve taken care of me all of today. I’ve never felt like I had to justify myself with you. You’re doing much more than you take credit for.”

She nods against her pillow. Her heart feels tight. “I try. It doesn’t feel quite enough though.”

Tatsu moves again, and this time she has to let go of his arm as he seems to turn to the side, facing her. “Come here?”

She doesn’t hesitate, and moves close to him, lying on her side against his body. One arm loops around her and the other rests between the crook of her neck and her pillow.

“We have all life to keep trying,” Tatsu says, gently.

The quiet assurance soothes her a little, enough. She reaches to hold his hand. She’s always surprised by the softness of his skin, given all he has lived through. But there’s one little scar she can touch, a bit rougher than the rest of his skin.

“I don’t know what goes through your head a lot of the time either,” he adds. “You also have your complexities and pains that I don’t really know if I could ever exactly understand.”

“You don’t have to.” She smiles, feeling a weight lifting ever so slightly.

“See?” He smiles back, she hears it in his voice.

A few minutes pass, in a reassuring silence but Miku has to ask before falling asleep. “Do your scars hurt a lot?”

How much are you really hurting?

“Not that much anymore. Only when I overdo it when I go grocery shopping.”

The juxtaposition of both images makes her laugh.

“What?” Tatsu asks.

“Nothing.” She squeezes his hand, and he squeezes hers in return. “Love you,” Miku says as she yawns.

“Love you too.”

She falls asleep soon after, nestled in Tatsu’s warm embrace.