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Chapter I
Misato steps out of her car bearing her red jacket with yellow outlines and purple bangs and a black dress going halfway down the thighs and the chest covered with a cross necklace. She has a gun on the back of her belt and she walks on the path with her eyes half closed as she smiles. The building ahead of her is of gray-brown stone and has a plaque before it reading Tokyo-3 Mental Institution. She steps inside and wipes her dress of before turning to close the door and then stepping inside with her heels clacking on the white marble flooring. Misato walks up to the help desk and lays one hand down and says ‘Hi I’m here to see a patient.’
The older, fatter woman in a dress-pattern nurse’s outfit asks, name?
Gendo. Gendo Ikari. She says.
Alright. You had a time set right?
Yeah. For Miss Misato?
I see it. Go right ahead.
She turns and walks towards where the nurse pointed and waves her a thank you as she leaves. Her ass looks immaculate rn. Anyhow. She finds a door and opens it and before it is a staircase and she goes down it and looks around and sees a blue-suited guard standing before a door some ways from her. He raises his hand and yells for her to come his way. She does and the man opens the door and Misato walks in. Gendo is sitting on the opposite side of a metal table, chained to it. He wears a straight-jacket and glasses.
You came, he says.
You didn’t leave much choice.
Misato, he leans in, you know I’m not crazy. They’re blaming me for nothing.
She leans in and lowers her head to look straight at the man. You convinced the entire world that an alien invasion was coming, had them divert trillions to your organization to build mecha-suits, and then it came out you did it only to secretly clone your wife in the basement?
It was a misunderstanding.
Misato swung back. A misunderstanding? Two hundred million people starved because you took the money that was going to them.
I had no choice. The angels.
Oh my god you’re no different.
No Misato. You don’t understand.
I think I understand perfectly. She rose up from the table.
No. No. The second impact. You remember that? He said with large eyes and mouth remaining half-open.
Misato turned around and breathed in and then back to Gendo and put her hands on the table. Yeah a meteor hit Antarctica.
He laughed and swung his head back. That’s what they want you to think.
Dude I was there.
Were you?
Yes.
No.
Yahuh.
Nuhuh.
Misato hit the table with her fist. I WAS TOO.
I didn’t see you there.
She points at him and yelled YOU WASN’T EVEN THERE.
Of course I was.
She hits the table with both palms and yells NO YOU WEREN’T.
Prove it.
BURDEN OF PROOF’S ON YOU. IDIOT.
Gendo lurches backwards with a gasp. I’m. I’m an idiot?
YEAH?
Said the idiot.
Oh you fuck. Misato jumps over the table and starts strangling Gendo. Gendo is gurgling and groaning and gets out, you gotta return my videotapes. Misato yells incoherently and presses her hands down hard. The door swings open and the guard runs in, he pulls out his taser and aims at mommy. Aims at the woman I mean. GET OFF HIM.
HELL NAH.
The guard pulls the trigger and Misato’s back is struck by two pins and she starts convulsing and shaking over Gendo who does the same. She eventually falls off him to the ground and the guard discharges the taser’s coils and wipes his head.
FIVE HOURS LATER.
You can have one call, a policeman says to Misato and then walks away. She looks at him leave and then coils around the wall-phone. She picks it up and slams the keypad and it starts ringing. Misato rests her head on the phone-box as the rings go and eventually it clicks and it’s picked up.
Hey I did something, she says and starts biting her nails.
Oh god what. A woman’s voice from the other side says.
I kinda. I kinda attacked Gendo.
The woman on the other side sighs long and Misato changes from chewing her middle finger to chewing her thumb. You there?
Yeah. Just. Did you have to?
I’m sorry.
You can’t go around attacking people.
He called me an idiot.
He called you an idiot?
Yeah.
Alright. Probably had it coming.
I told you.
That doesn’t justify it young lady.
Oh. I’m. I’m sor- WE’RE THE SAME AGE.
I know.
Ritsuko will you pick me up?
Yeah sure.
Okay, Misato leans up on her toes. Thank you! And smiles at the phone box. The call clicks from the other side. She puts the phone on the stand and turns around with her hands on her hips. Gimme some water, she says at the police officer standing by the door. He flinches and looks down and says me?
YES YOU.
The police officer runs out and looks frantically in all directions and then starts running towards the water cooler and slips halfway and hits his head on a table and starts screeching on the floor. Misato peeks out of the room and hisses through her teeth. Whoa, who did that. She walks into the bullpen, holding her handcuffed hands beneath her jacket and presser her shoulders high and walks past the officers surrounding the fallen one and then into the elevator and presses a button and leans on the back railing. She watches the doors close and paramedics run in.
Misato walks out of the elevator and looks around and then walks to the reception desk and sets her hands down. Hi, they said you’d undo the handcuffs down here? And smiles at the younger man sitting in a blue uniform.
FIVE MINUTES LATER
Misato sits down back in her cell and frowns as two officers close the doors and leave the room. She twiddles her feet while pouting and then leans her side to the metal bench. She starts groaning and stares at the ground and there’s another woman in the cell too. An older woman with ragged hair and blemishes and red spots over her skin. Could you shut the hell up? She says. Misato shuts up and tilts her head to look at the other woman. No. And starts groaning again. The other woman stands up and gets into the middle of the cell and cracks her knuckles and says. I’m gonna show you why my children are afraid of me. Misato leans up and takes off her jacket showing her immaculate hands and those muscles you’d love to have fucking press you down while she has her way with you. Or so I’ve heard at least. Anyhow. She stands up and says. Fuck you old hag. And raises her hands
The other woman throws her shoulders in a circle and says, you’re in for a world of hurt. And puts her hands on her neck and cracks it one way. She then moves her head slightly and cracks it the other way and drops to the ground immobile. Misato looks at her lay on the ground. She isn’t moving her eyes or body or anything and Misato eventually lowers her hands and crouches to feel her pulse and feels nothing. She hisses and says oooooh. Shit that’s bad. She then runs to the bars and starts yelling.
OFFICERS WE GOT A WOMAN DOWN. OFFICEEEEEEEEEEERS! WOMAN DOWN I SAY.
The door swings open and an officer runs in and looks at the other one laying on the ground. God what’d you do, he says. I ain’t do nun. She says and raises her hands without know and backs towards her jacket. The guard opens the door and crouches down before the older woman and feels her pulse. He then rotates her to the back and presses the radio on his shoulder and says, code 119 we got a prisoner down in holding C2. Misato puts on her jacket and slowly moves towards the door. She gets out of the cell and slowly walks towards the door while the officer looks the woman over. Misato then opens the door and stars running in the hallway. FREEDOM, she screams and makes it into the bullpen before an officer tasers her in the back and she rolls into a desk and makes supplies fall from it.
FIVE MINUTES LATER
Misato is sitting in the cell and the door gets locked again as the other woman’s escorted out on a gurney. She sits with her jaw in her hands and the officer knocks on the cell with his keys and says women just don’t know how prison works. Misato jumps up and yells at the man and makes her hands stiff at her sides. I DON’T KNOW HOW PRISONS WORK? I AM THE PRISON MASTER. I KNOW ALL THE PRISONS.
Bet you don’t even know what the best prison is.
UH YEAH I DON’T BECAUSE I DON’T CARE.
The officer smirks and stars rolling the key around his finger while whistling and walking away.
DON’T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME YOUNG MAN.
The door closes and Misato breathes out hard and sits down on the bench. She rolls back on the bench and starts frowning and looking around the cell and it’s empty. She wails.
TWO HOURS LATER
Misato sits in the passenger seat of Ritsuko’s Ford F-150 and stares out the window with her arms crossed. You know I really love this new Ford, Ritsuko says, much worse for the environment, I hate those seals.
Yeah I know.
They’re so ugly.
Yahuh.
So, Ritsuko slaps Misato’s thigh, you wanna talk about it?
No.
She slaps her tight again and keeps the hand there and squeezes. I’m gonna put syrup on you today.
Misato turns her head. Wh- What?
Ritsuko doesn’t look away from the road as she leans towards the other and squeezes harder. And then I’m gonna lick you clean like you just came out of an oven.
W- Wha-. Ritsuko what the hell.
She leans down and licks Misato’s thigh as the other flinches back and raises her arms and stares with the eyes wide. Ritsuko looks up and says you taste like a dead horse.
RITSUKO.
God what I’d let myself do to you.
YOUNG LADY YOU BETTER LOOK AT THE ROAD.
Ritsuko laughs and raises up. Come on I’m just kidding.
Misato stares at her. That’s kidding for you?
Yeah.
She raises her arms and yells YOU WERE BORDERLINE HARASSING ME.
Oh come on it’s all in good fun.
You really need a boyfriend.
Ritsuko turns to her and lightly grabs her jaw. She smirks as Misato frowns in disbelief and fear. I only need you baby, she says.
Misato presses her back to the car door and Ritsuko turns back to the door. I guess I do need someone.
Misato grabs below her seat and rolls all the way back. The other grabs the back mirror and tilts it to look at the purple haired piece of fucking bomb ass. To look at the purple haired woman. You ain’t goin’ nowhere.
Misato grabs around herself and rests her head on the car’s backdoor window. I feel unsafe.
Baby I’m about to make you feel safe. Ritsuko says and reaches for her thigh again and Misato flinches to the side. Ritsuko laughs and reaches in her white scientist coat pocket because she’s wearing that. She takes out her phone and tosses it into the other’s lap. I downloaded Tinder. Misato looks at Ritsuko through the mirror and then grabs the phone and opens it. What’s the password, she asks and Ritsuko says twelve oh eight. Misato freezes. That’s my birthday.
Oh I know baby.
Misato opens the phone and opens Tinder and starts scrolling. God why is everyone so ugly.
Uh. I know. One texted me to get a footjob.
Misato opens the messages and sees one titled ‘footjob guy’ and opens it. The last message reads ‘thx for the footy next time again’ and Ritsuko had hearted it. Misato looks at the blonde freak and then back at the phone and starts scrolling again.
SHINJI? She screams.
Ritsuko slams the breaks and a car crashes into them from behind. She grabs the phone. NO WAY. And sees a profile with the name Shinji Ikari and a multitude of pictures. We gotta talk to this one at home, she says.
Yuhuh we do, Misato says.
Ritsuko adds Shinji.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
What’s it look like. Momma’s getting some pipe.
HE’S EIGHTEEN.
And Momma’s thirty-three what’s your point.
DON’T FLIRT WITH SHINJI.
Uh bitch you speak when spoken to.
RITSUKO.
You know what, Ritsuko turns to Misato, get out of the car.
WH- WHAT? ME? YOU’RE THE O- She screams before Ritsuko slams on the horn without breaking eye contact. Misato keeps yelling and gesturing without sounds made out and eventually stops and crosses her arms and pouts. A dozen or so seconds pass before the horn runs out and they sit in silence. Ritsuko makes a shooing gesture and Misato scoffs and gets out of the car. She leans inside before closing the door, You know what? I- Ritsuko slams the gas and speeds off. Misato runs after her a little and yells DON’T YOU DARE GET PIPE FROM MY BOY! And waves her fist before letting her hands go down limp and she frowns. Misato turns and sees a car wrecked where they’d stopped and an old woman being carried onto a hospital bed. God, women drivers, she says and walks off.
After wandering for a couple dozen minutes she enters a bar and makes a pose with her hands on her hips and chin up with a smug smile, you waiting for someone boys? She looks down and there’s two people by the bar and one is sleeping and the other’s staring straight ahead without emotion. She sits down and leans on the wood. WHAT’S A LADY GOTTA DO TO GET A DRINK ‘ROUND HERE HUH? The man next to her chuckles.
You know I used to be a woman once.
Misato looks at him and sits down again. What? The man has an armored military uniform and a headband and a black eye-patch. He has short hair sticking up straight.
Back in my golden days, before the Diamond Dogs, I used to be the finest hoe in all of Tokyo three.
Whoa.
Men would pay me dozens of yen to rail me for hours on end. God, what shmucks.
Yeah. Men. Misato reaches over the counter and takes out a bottle of fine champagne. She opens it and starts chugging it.
You know, the man says, I don’t even use anything to keep my hair up, it’s just always directed up. Just like me, he chuckles and shakes his head slowly and takes a drink.
Misato is halfway done with the bottle.
When I was a wee lass they’d tell me. Solid, you don’t know how to tie a noose, I sure showed them.
Misato has only a quarter or so left.
God, this next job is gonna be a doozy.
Mommy slams the bottle down and screeches in triumph. WHOOOOO. She wipes her mouth. WHO TOLD THIS BOTTLE IT COULD BE FULL HUH? She yells while pointing at the empty bottles with bubble particles coming from her mouth.
The man looks her up and down and then tilts back and looks above her beautiful voluptuous ass. The kind of ass you’d pay just to see walk away. The kind of ass you’d want to rail you. The kind of ass you’d pay to have sit in your lap while she tells you that you gotta get your act together and face yourself. Anyhow. The man says, you want in on this next mission? Pays well.
Misato looks at him with her eyes stumbling around and punches the bottle in the air and says HELLS YEAH.
That’s the kind of talk I wanna hear. The name’s Solid, he reaches out a hand, Solid Snake.
Misato stumbles up and shakes it, pleasre to met you, Snake. Solid Snake. They shake hands and Misato laughs. Hey is that snake in your pants also solid? And starts wheezing in laughter and slapping the counter. Solid Snake smirks with one side of his cheek and shakes his head, she’s still got it, he says.