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The harsh midday light hurt Dimitri’s eyes. He squinted his way to the mess hall, hoping that, with the late hour, no one saw as the Crown Prince of Faerghus almost stumbled his way to lunch out of hours. He truly hadn’t meant for it to happen. Sleep simply avoided him for the night, leaving him tossing on the bed with the heat typical from the southernmost part of the continent, for which he was inadequately accustomed to sleep with.
Morning classes were spent stifling yawns behind sweaty gloved hands; independent study at the library had ended with his head pressed to an open book. The crease of the pages hadn’t left his face before he had the book back in place; and he ran down the stairs, anything to be as far as possible to the staff and other students that might have seen him.
Almost blinded, Dimitri took his tray of… food. He hadn’t had a passing thought as to what would be eaten. It didn’t matter anyway. Eating had become simply a matter of sustenance, not enjoyment. He hadn’t even fully raised his forkful when he heard a little ahem from his side.
Dimitri only sat, dumbfounded, watching as Felix looked him up and down. Bring and sharp eyes ran from the top of Dimitri’s head to the middle of his waist— the rest left obscured by the table, and to the plate of… Herring. It was a fine fish surely, undeserving of Felix’s harsh judgments, which should be reserved for Dimitri and made him a little queasy. As if he needed more reasons to be stumbling about. Felix’s little staredowns had started to work Dimitri’s knees against him.
“Have you slept at all this week, boar?” A fair question. He hadn’t, no matter how much he told himself it was a random occurrence. Every day he felt more tired, and every night he slept less. “You look as if you would fall into the plate.”
“It is nothing to worry about, Felix, I assure you.” The words were difficult to form and Felix didn’t look half convinced, but still, he took his clean-eaten dishes away after one last look at Dimitri.
Dimitri stifled a sigh and set on to eat his lunch.
Asking Mercedes for small advice was simple enough; she could be trusted when he didn’t need to endlessly worry Dedue with silly things. Maybe his lack of sleep wasn’t silly, and was something he should be more concerned with, but for now whatever help Mercedes gave him would have to suffice. Dimitri hoped that she was in her dormroom; he didn’t fancy the search he would have to undertake were she not. For all he knew she could have gone down to the town, as she had the afternoons free.
He knocked twice on the door and waited.
The door opened slowly, almost shy. Mercedes visibly brightened as she saw Dimitri standing in front of her. He didn’t visit her often like this, in her own space and out of the blue, but he wished for some semblance of privacy. And besides, it would be quick; he wouldn’t intrude much nor impose. Pleasantries were quick and easy between them, and before Dimitri had the spark of realization, he was sat in front of her on the little tea table she kept, the pot brewing lazily and a pastry waiting in front of him. He knew he must be red in the face.
“So! What brings you to my little corner today?” Her voice was cheery as always. Dimitri took a little shameful moment for himself, looking intensely at the pastry; he should have brought her his little embroidered square, covered in colorful knots and dotted lines. It would have been a better conversation starter.
“No need to be so humble. I was simply reminded of your enjoyment of teas and wondered if you might have a recommendation for me.”
“Of course; what do you want? I don’t think I ever asked what your preferences are…” She was always so thoughtful, Dimitri found. With a little pout, she took a simple hinged wooden box and deposited it on the little space still clear on the table. When she opened the lid, the different smells of tea blended into one another as if they had entered a shop.
He struggled for a moment before answering, as the taste of it was certainly unimportant. He needed it only for practical reasons. “There are no such preferences. I need a calming tea, one I can drink at night.”
“Okay, let me see… I must have a bag of chamomile in here somewhere…” Mercedes rummaged through the baggies, reading labels and pushing aside and piling on the lid those she found unfit. Dimitri found himself slightly amused watching her. Having found the proper bag, she shined a triumphant smile and held it out.
It smelled nice as Dimitri held it up to his nose. He left the room much later than intended, having drunk two cups and managing to eat only one of the pastries Mercedes had presented him with, making him also carry one—wrapped in a napkin—in his pocket. It had been a much more pleasant afternoon than he could have imagined or planned to have.
Dimitri had needed to borrow a kettle and cup from the kitchens, because he had forgotten he didn’t own one. It had been only a mildly awkward conversation with the head cook, but Dimitri swore profusely he would wash and return them on the next day, and also buy one of each for himself. He could’ve borrowed Dedue’s, but that would mean showing that he hadn’t been sleeping, which would make Dedue worry more than he already did. And it might also show, of course, that Dimitri could take care of himself and they could be just friends, not caretaker and charge. But it was scary to admit to being unwell.
His room smelled of chamomile when the water started to boil. Dimitri tossed and turned on the bed, incapable of resting even with how tired he was and the full kettle of tea he had drunk. At least, he supposed, it was a nice smell.
Chamomile did not improve Dimitri’s sleep. He had drunk entire kettles, put the flowers inside his pillow, washed his beddings and pajamas with tea. It was slightly concerning how the perfume of it emanated from his room and how people had come to look at him. Dedue seemed pleased with his relaxing nighttime beverage, noting, on an afternoon together, that it was good Dimitri was taking care of himself seriously.
The training grounds were almost empty as Dimitri entered; he had it in mind that physical exercise—not something he ever neglected—could lead to better sleep. Felix never neglected it either, and was one of the few people Dimitri could recognize. He did his best to ignore Felix, no matter how he wished the two could talk.
It was no wonder that Dedue found him there, expression hard as stone, while Dimitri did his lance forms almost fervently. His slightly raised eyebrow was enough to make Dimitri stop and almost drop his pole in shame.
“Oi!” Dimitri startled again at the clear shout from Felix. “Oi, boar, spar with me.” Dimitri turned, restraining his hands on the pole to not snap it. He tried to ignore the hurt in Dedue’s face as he walked over.
The moment Dimitri got within range Felix swung at him with his practice sword. Dimitri did his best to block and twist away, but he knew he was too tired for any effective practice against Felix; he was flat on his back sooner than it seemed possible for someone with his skill and strength, but today he had none of the stamina or fast thinking required to do anything but try to deflect Felix’s blows. There was no attempt from Felix to hide his sneer as Dimitri slowly pushed himself up. His concern, though, would have been well hidden had Dimitri not known Felix his entire life.
Dimitri found himself suddenly manhandled. Somehow, silently, in the little time Dimitri had taken to stand, Felix and Dedue had come to an agreement regarding… boar handling, as Felix would say. Dimitri couldn’t complain about the nickname being inaccurate. Somehow, no one tripped nor stepped on each other’s feet on the way to the sauna. Dimitri understood, the moment they stepped inside, that he was to wash and then sit on the steam. He didn’t particularly enjoy the muggy and skimpy atmosphere of it, but he begrudgingly understood why he had been brought there.
It felt good, at least a bit, to scrub himself with cold water and soap before entering the sitting room of the sauna. Dimitri prepared himself to sit on the wooden bench and attempt to relax, no matter how little; it wasn’t comfortable, but at least he was alone in it. He came to with a startle, Felix’s hand cold on his shoulder he shook Dimitri awake. The usual slit of ambar that were his eyes were wide as he looked at Dimitri’s warm face almost pleased.
Clean clothes awaited him when he exited the sauna proper. It wasn’t his usual garb, but instead the simple blue loungewear uniform; he didn’t remember if he had ever actually worn his, given his preference to being fully covered by his outfit. The sunny outside seemed breezy compared to the heat of the sauna; he half supposed that was the point.
Felix stood guard outside. His shoulders were set against the wall and his face was in the usual expression of disdain for anything and everything he seemed to wear now. Dimitri worried before approaching, dirty clothes balled in his hands. It was in the twitch of Felix’s lips he knew Felix had seen him, and yet Felix pretended not to notice. Dimitri cleared his throat. “I thank you, Felix.” He got a tsk in reply. “I do mean it.” Dimitri tried to smile at him.
“Why do you think I’m waiting for you? And what even is there to thank me for? I didn’t do anything.” Felix groaned. It was so like him to deflect any affection.
Dimitri took his time watching him before replying. Felix looked nice and well rested, bathed in the golden light of the late afternoon. “Well, it was a very self centered thought, but what else would you be doing here and now? In truth, I have been having trouble with sleep lately; it has always evaded me in the summer months, but this year it has been worse; so I am thanking you for… forcing me away, for a moment at least.”
“I didn’t do it for you.”
Maybe Dimitri had spoken too much, bared himself too naked before Felix—it was silly to think it would be possible to not do that. He knew that, save his most well kept secret: the sound of his father and Glenn’s voices, nothing would ever be too much to speak about with his first friend. His first love even, no matter what form that love took. “No need to reiterate.” He let out a small self conscious laugh. “You shouldn’t worry about me.”
Felix only grunted again. Dimitri found it cute how Felix had never been able to tell him anything plainly, yet he could be easily read if one took time to understand his many silences. “You should go to the courtyard. Mercedes and Dedue are waiting for you there.”
“Aren’t you coming with me?” Dimitri had to ask; Felix had waited for him, had dragged him to the sauna, had looked at him with sad amber eyes, had been the one to note he wasn’t taking care of himself when Dimitri wouldn’t admit it. It simply didn’t seem fair to not include him in whatever had been planned. And Dimitri would take any excuse, any sickness, to spend even a moment in Felix’s willing company.
“I… I wouldn’t want to impose and I need to actually go train.”
Dimitri shouldn’t feel sad. He knew the refusal was coming but it still stung. “Please, come. I would love nothing more, if the words of a boar mean anything.” He was pushing it, encroaching on Felix’s good graces this way, but Dimitri needed it. Few things would make him as happy as simply being in Felix’s company. Whatever had been planned surely could accommodate his presence, even if he just watched.
With a little grunt, Felix started to walk in the direction where Mercedes and Dedue must be; and Dimitri followed, not a single pace behind him. It was a small picnic that awaited them, arranged on a blanket before the classrooms. Little trays of pastries and fruit had been carefully arranged, and a tall kettle stood in the middle of four cups. Dimitri couldn’t help glancing sideways at Felix with a devious twinkle in his eye. Of course he had tried to weasel out of something nice that had been planned to include him, of course he refused any credit in the operation. Dimitri restrained himself as they approached, but knew to hold onto his affection for all his friends.
They took their time eating and making pleasant conversation. Dimitri hadn’t quite realized how much he had missed out on due to not being able to pay attention to anything in his sleepless fugue state. As the sun set, he was walked to his dorm, feeling lighter than he ever had since long before coming to Garreg Mach.
Felix lingered by Dimitri’s door before entering his own room, casting a shy glance back. Dimitri smiled sadly at him, and that night he finally found the rest he sought.