Work Text:
It was actually Splendorman's idea years ago to host a dinner every December. Not a Christmas dinner- a "general get together" as he had called it. Now that you think about it, it was hardly ever hosted on the 25th of December. Always in December but somewhere random where the time worked for everyone because it turns out despite being unemployed in the woods, everyone was doing something that couldn't always be put on hold.
For example: Jeff who was currently loudly boasting about one of his more nasty kills as of recent.
"Yeah the dumb broad tried to beg her way outta it even though I was already guts deep with my knife," It was actually the same knife that he had proudly stabbed into the table top through the poor cloth Splendorman had fished up out of the attic. He gave the worn handle a wiggle.
"Not that she didn't have it coming, I had to pick up the slack because the lapdogs," The knife it popped out of the table and waved between Masky and Hoodie- who were honestly doing a pretty good job at turning the loud mouth out- his bright blue eyes staring hard at Toby- who didn't have as easy of a time keeping his brow from furrowing tightly together. "Were off doing 'fuck knows what."
"Language," Splendorman hissed softly as his hands clutched silverware to cut apart Sally's food- the girl in question sitting with her eyes glued to a phone. The old ones, some ancient blackberry flip phone that had most definitely seen better days… and it probably didn't help that it currently in use as it suddenly crackled.
"Yeah Jeff, watch your fucking mouth-"
"Sally go on and flip that phone shut would you dear?" Helen who was sitting across from the little girl pipped up- to the instant pleading of Ben as Sally's tiny hand closed the device, instantly silencing the entity inside. "Sorry Ben…" She mumbled softly as her freshly painted nails retreated back against her fists as she settled back into her seat.
Laughing Jack snickered softly as he rustled around the giant pile of candy, before sliding a cherry flavored one- at least you think it was a cherry one, it was red… could have been watermelon or strawberry. Maybe even grapefruit for all you knew… it was hard to tell when the wrapper was blank- to the edge of your plate.
The entire time you've been awkwardly waiting for an opening to ask for someone to pass the butter, which was currently in the hands of Jeff who was thankfully using its designated knife instead of the one he'd been using to stroke his ego.
"Not even a grin? Come on Sweets, that was real funny!" The tip of his long nose lightly ghostly the curve of your cheek bone before he turned back to his candy.
"I mean… I guess? It's just that Jeff's closed the thing so many times the bit kind of isn't funny anymore-" You mumbled as you pat your bread roll- dry. Still butter-less. Already torn open to pocket the product that was now being passed to Helen, who had passed it to Splendorman for Sally's own roll.
You could just ask, it'd be easy.
In theory at least, but in practice the second you opened your mouth Toby filled the silence with his late response to Jeff's brief taunt.
"Yeah well a-a-at least I don't sit around all day blaring music-" His eyes snapped onto you, your mouth still open and ready to ask for someone to pass the butter to you so you could just get this over with. "-your rooms next to Jeff's, doesn't it drive you insane?"
Your lips purse. Eyes finally pulling away from the tub as its passed around this way and that. "I mean… yeah but I've kind of just tuned it out at this point- plus it helps that my bed isn't on that side of the wall-"
"Well my room is right under his and it drive me insane," Toby cut you off and glared at the burned man, teeth grit tight- torn through cheek granting you a clear window of the flexing of the inner muscles of his mouth as he stabbed his fork into the ham Slenderman had spent precious time on- okay well maybe not precious fleeting time, the creature had more than enough time left and had already spent God knows how much of it roaming around in the woods- and took a rough bite out of the honeyed meat. "You sound like a tap d-dancing paraplegic you know-"
"You. Take. That. Back-" Jeff snarled, sending a piece of corn falling out of the wide gashes in his cheeks- falling back half chewed onto his pile of mashed potatoes that he had just about smeared across the upper left quadrant of his plate.
"I ain't taking shit back if its the truth-"
"First of all you listen to get scared. Get scared. Emo shit-" He doesn't give Toby the chance to retort. Nina's eyes dart between the two men as she considered piping up with her own opinion before simply backing down- your eyes met one another for a split second and she made a sort of face. "Can you believe this?" It said silently.
"Boys-" Splendorman tried to plea.
"It's good-"
"It's whiny trash-" Jeff's hand flew into the air. "I swear at least once a week I hear that gay ass-" his fingers snap and his eyes try to scrunch closed- the only effect it gives it a weird boggle that's not too different than a half naked wet rat- "sun song. At least pick one of their half decent songs-"
Toby's hands slam down on the table and you find yourself grabbing for your glass to keep it from toppling over. "All of their songs are half decent-"
"So you admit get scared is below average?" Jeff smirked as he leaned back in his chair smugly, arms crossing as he popped a piece of ham into his mouth. He even pulled the fork out slow, just to really drag it on. Toby didn't instantly retort, and for a foolish moment you believed you could finally pipe up to ask for someone to pass over the butter. Please God you just wanted the butter you didn't even really want to be here at the table anymore-
You catch the glint in Laughing Jack's eyes as he pops up.
"You know that one song by them… what was it? Wolf in sheep's clothing? Now that's a good song!" His hands politely folded into one another as he beamed. The flex in Jeff's throat was louder than any word he could yell across the table and in an instant both him and Toby were tearing into the clown- who took it like a champ as he sat there calmly.
"That's not even by them that's an entirely different band-" Jeff snarled as he pinched the scarred bridged of his nose before groaning. "You're thinking of set it off-"
"y-y-yeah," Toby huffed. He paused as his finger tapped quickly against the table cloth before slowing down. "…they're actually not that bad.. n-not my top three, but.. they're good.." He trailed off.
Jeff nodded quickly, mess of black hair bobbing. "See I can get behind that-"
"Everywhere I go is also a good one," Laughing Jack added as he popped a piece of candy into his mouth and crunched through it with ease- loud enough to pull a grimace from you.
"I'm not even going to respond to that. I'm not wasting my time on someone who thinks clown music is the pinnacle of art, because guess what: it's not." Jeff hissed.
The potatoes on your plate are swirled and smeared across your plate briefly as you push the roll to the side for the time being. You'd wait until the music debate was over with.
"I actually used to listen to them years ago before I got myself here-" You mumbled quietly as your eyes flicked across everyone at the table.
Helen was having a mumbled conversation with Puppeteer. Splendorman was also having his own quiet conversation with Sally, likely already having given up trying to police the language at the table and gently explaining to her that some words can be a bit meaner than others. Slenderman hadn't stirred at all from his statue like position at the head of the table, but you could definitely feel his unseen gaze burning across the entire room. Masky and Hoodie weren't talking either, instead just wanting to get through the dinner. The phone Ben had put himself in- to actually spend time with everyone instead of holding himself upstairs waiting for things to end to get back to gaming with Jeff- was rapidly buzzing, using the motion to slightly slide across the table cloth blindly.
Nina snickered. "I think just about all of us used to listen to that sort of thing before we wound up here," the point of her finger stopped one of the round pieces of candy that Laughing Jack had rolled her way.
"I didn't." Eyeless Jack finally spoke up for the first time that night.
Unlike everyone else he didn't have a plate of "standard" food in front of him, instead a bloody hunk that could be maybe passed off as an extremely still bleeding and maybe still partly squirming piece of meat- you swear you saw it flex- on his plate. Actually… now that you think about it, this might've been the first time Eyeless Jack had not only come down for a meal, but also ate in front of others.
You'd unpack that later when you were in your room inevitably nursing a headache.
Maybe it was the fact Jeff was already riled. Maybe it was because he already seemed to have a dislike for Eyeless Jack- at least you think he did? The way he talked about him out of earshot gave you that impression.
Dick. Asshole. Stuck up. You've heard it all from Jeff every now and then when the meat eater was brought up in conversation, and then quickly shoved out of it by the killer himself because God he couldn't stand Jack.
"Oh and I bet your music is soooooo much better," Jeff snapped, the sharpness in his voice coming right back tenfold with enough force to shut everyone up and look at what was going to unfold.
Eyeless Jack's jaw flexed once. Then twice.
"I sometimes listen to TV girl." His voice was flat as the blade of the knife in his hand dragged across the mystery meat on his plate- but oh no, he wasn't going to be able to turn back to it and mind his business again now that he had gotten Jeff going.
"Ooooooooh look everybody! He listens to TV girl! He's soooooo much better than the rest of us, apparently!" Jeff leaned over the table and just about hissed in Eyeless Jack's face, the other man did not lift his head to meet his gaze- not out of shame. No, he was just ignoring the egotistical burn victim as he cut out a chunk from his meat. "You know just about everyone who listens to that band is either some pretentious self proclaimed "ooooh I'm so misunderstood! I'm so deep!" man who's actually just a rancid piece of shit, or some brain rotted tiktoker." He finally slunk back to his seat, hitting it with enough force to rock it back an inch or two off of the floor before it slammed back into the floor. Again, his knife dug into the table cloth, giving it another new hole.
"The blonde isn't half bad." It was so quiet that you didn't even register that it was from Masky for a moment, and when Jeff reeled to him you braced yourself internally for another string of barely contained half shouted insults.
By now the butter wouldn't even melt into your roll, you were fairly sure of that at this point. What warmth it once had was reduced to pathetic shreds somewhere in the internal layers- or whatever bread had. You didn't know. You were hardly a baker, you were just here for the food.
"I'm not even going to acknowledge you. You're just as bad as Jack-Ass over there."
And that was that. Back into his chair to stab at the loose grains of corn on his plate.
The phone Ben had locked himself into continued to buzz insensately- already having shimmied about four inches from where he once was.
"Mr Splendorman can Ben come out of time out?" Sally asked quietly, tugging on his spotted sleeve- her other hand pointing towards the old phone.
Splendorman was probably just as old as Slenderman- maybe he was younger. Maybe older. He definitely looked older but not in an aged way. He looked tired, like a defeated parent who couldn't get their screaming child to calm down while in public and now has to deal with the judgemental stares of everyone else in the area.
Except instead of a temper tantrum throwing toddler it was a full grown man who believed himself as absolute when it came to media tastes and killing techniques. And looks. Jeff was very prideful in his looks.
To be fair everyone at the table sucked, and not just because most of them were murderers.
No they were just terrible roommates. The highest sin of course.
"I suppose," Splendorman rubbed a black claw against his temple, and with that Sally reached forward and flipped the phone open. Without wasting a beat Ben piped up.
"I know we're already passed this but I think it's real fucking rich that waffle boy over there thinks he can call out Jeff for playing music when he blares his own- louder most of the time." Another thick pause of silence.
"Okay fir-first of all. The one time I got "too excited" for breakfast was for a bit." Toby's teeth clacked together- clean and loud thanks to the gap in his cheek. "Second of all-"
Ben spoke over him. "Just so everyone's aware it's his fault the speakers in the living room radio are busted was because of him not me and I am tired of being punished-"
"Well maybe you shouldn't be frying everything you touch when you decide to possess the fucking thing-" Toby shouted over the static of Ben's phone- seemed he might fry that one too at this rate. "Sally."
And the phone was shut once more- the buzzing working twice as hard as it had before.
"I'll help him cool off, I'm done eating anyway," Nina pushed herself up from her chair. God you wished you could join her- you debated it actually.
"You're not staying for dessert? I made cake with the strawberries from the garden," Splendorman… at least attempted to frown against the etched smile on his face. Poor guy couldn't grimace or snarl even if he wanted to. Nina paused, before waving him off.
"Naaaah I'm more of a candy person," Ben is taken into her hand and she steps out. You just about tune out Laughing Jack calling out that he'll make sure to drop off another stash of candy at her room by tomorrow morning.
"You want another piece of candy, or are you gonna save room for dessert?" The clown spun around to stare down at your half eaten plate. The red candy slipped to the border still where he had left it- totally untouched by you.
"…I'm good…" Your eyes follow Toby as his hands wrapped around the tub of butter, more muttered grumbles coming from under his breath. "Who made the mac and cheese?" He huffed as he dolloped some butter onto the pile in hopes that it would do something to loosen up the congealed lump- and oh God it looked so bad. It looked like those sticky balls of popcorn you see around Halloween time.
"I did." Jane spoke up after a minute, already standing up to go wash up her plate- it seemed she wouldn't be staying for dessert, much to Splendorman's quiet disappointment.
"Yeah well i-its fucking shit." Toby tried in vain to mix the softened butter into the lump. All he succeeded in doing was greasing up the outside. It made it look worse.
But there was a break in conversation- right where Jane was about to retort you stole the chance to finally… finally… inject your voice instead of just sitting like a paralyzed fly on the wall.
"Can you please give me the butter-" Honestly it came out so fast and desperate that you probably looked weird. Not probably. Definitely. Everyone glanced at you for at least half a second before the bowl was passed to you.
And as much as you wanted to say that the satisfaction of finally getting what you were waiting for made the roll taste better, it simply wouldn't be true.
No, by then the roll was cold. Made even worse by the fact that whoever made it allowed it to sit in the pan to cool- granting it a soggy bottom.
…Maybe it was a good thing these meals only happen once a year. Most dinners weren't this tense.
Truly, things needlessly deemed as "special" brought out the worst of those in the mansion.