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They pull up to the WSQK station, and she tries to stretch her neck to see the tower through the window, but she can’t quite see the top. Is it that tall, or can she not move her neck the same? It’s hard to remember. Everything is kind of blurry in a way it didn’t used to be.
She feels a familiar sensation and finds Lucas is rubbing his thumb over and over on the back of her hand. She doesn’t think she’ll ever tire of the feeling.
He offers her a smile, wholly and completely sincere, despite the dried tear tracks lining his cheeks and scrunch in his brow that hasn’t yet relaxed. She wants nothing more than to take his face in her hands and ground him in the same way he tethers her, but since she can’t, she settles for attempting to give an equally sincere smile back in return. She’s not sure she succeeds.
Who knows what she even looks like now? Does she look the same as she did that night he took her? Or has all the time withered her away? While they haven’t quite shared a look like this, she figures she must not look that terrible if he’s looking at her like that, so she tries not to worry about it yet.
It’s a relief when the van parks and the jostling stops. Steve and Jonathan lift her chair out onto the ground and she kind of hates it, the way she can’t do anything herself.
There’s a pat on her shoulder and Steve’s giving her a sympathetic look. She realizes she must look like she’s grimacing and he must be thinking she’s in pain.
She tries to give a reassuring expression, but even on solid ground, the unease rattles around in her hollow, empty insides. She’s back, and Holly’s not. What was the point of any of it? Did anything she said to her in there actually mean something? She feels like such a liar.
Steve walks away and all she can do is watch as Lucas moves her socked feet onto the footrests, nodding when he asks if she’s okay.
He’s so good, so careful. She doesn’t understand where his unending patience comes from, the way he has yet to leave her side. Maybe she won’t ever, and maybe she won’t ever like she deserves it, but in this moment, she’s only grateful.
Another car squeals coming up the drive, and suddenly Will’s shouting her name and squeezing her tight.
He’s grown up so much. Not only has she missed the last eighteen months, she hasn’t actually seen El or Will since they moved to California. Her heart squeezes at the thought. Another drop in the enormous bucket of things she’s missed while in her stupid fucking coma.
“So I leave you alone for a second, and you turn into a sorcerer?” she croaks out around the lump in her throat that threatens to spill over at any second.
He scoffs a bit but his smile stays plastered on his face. “It was a little more than a second, and I’m not really a sorcerer.”
She can’t quite believe how humble he’s being, given that he saved her and Holly from Henry in his mind, let alone everyone else in the real world from the Demos.
“Mm, well it sure seemed like it to me.” He smiles and pats her on the arm.
“Hey, you up for a tour?” Lucas asks with a smile that won’t seem to leave his face, and it makes her stomach do a flip.
He wheels her inside, explaining how they took over the station after everyone who could skipped town, and it’s just yet another thing she’s out of the loop on.
They stop in front of the sound booth. “Check this out.” He grabs a tape and inserts into the machine, presses a button, and out comes a loud burp effect.
He looks back at her for a reaction, and she huffs a small laugh despite the fact all she wants to do is cry.
Here she is, with this boy trying to cheer her up like when they were middle schoolers and he would try to weasel a laugh out of her every chance he got, but all she can think about is that there’s another little girl still trapped in there by that asshole while she got out.
His face drops when she can’t school her expression back into something neutral. She can’t find it in herself to even try. He sits down in front of her, reaches out to grab her hand.
“Hey, we’re gonna get her back.”
Once, she might have said it's like he could read her mind, but she knows every thought is written on her face.
“She’s all alone in there, Lucas. Alone with that—monster. And I was so sure that she could make it out. And I was so stupid.”
“You had to try,” he insists.
She shakes her head. “I should have stayed there. And I should have kept her safe.”
“Then we’d all be screwed. You’ve been in Vecna’s mind. You can help us beat him.”
More than anything, she wants to believe him, even though it’s all her fault.
“No. I can’t. I don’t even know where Vecna’s keeping Holly.”
“Well, it’s a good thing I do.” Dustin interrupts. “I know where she is, but the real challenge is getting there. I gotta show you guys something.”
Max’s heart leaps in her chest. There’s something else, tiny but still there, rattling inside along with the unease: a sliver of hope.
Lucas wheels her where everyone has gathered in the main room, takes a seat on the arm of the chair next to her. Steve slides into the seat on the other side of her, patting her shoulder again.
She listens as Dustin explains that the Upside Down isn’t only a mirror of Hawkins, but the space in-between their dimension and Henry’s. “Drawing worlds together” starts to make a semblance more sense than it did before, but even after they get done explaining it, she still doesn’t get it. She stays quiet when everyone starts trying to come up with a plan while talking over each other, trying to wrap her head around this new development and what it means for Holly. She meets eyes with Lucas who also doesn’t know what to say.
Next to her, Steve mutters to himself about the magic bean until he shouts to get everyone’s attention, then he’s explaining his idea.
Apparently, it’s plausible. There’s a first for everything, she supposes.
She can’t stand to look at Mike and Nancy when they chime in, but she offers her guidance when she sees her chance to help El in Henry’s mind and return the favor from the piggyback.
It all seems so unbelievably insane, but she figures it’s the least she can do when everyone else is going to actually risk their lives going back into the Upside Down to carry it out.
With a consensus reached, they break to get ready. Everyone splits off around the station to gather supplies and prepare for what’s to come. She doesn’t move though, of course, she thinks bitterly.
But then Lucas is by her side again and she figures maybe she can put his worrying to good use for once.
“Hey, do you think I could get some actual clothes?” she asks.
He nods eagerly. “Yeah, yeah, of course—Erica!” he calls, but she’s already gone off somewhere to prep. “I’m gonna grab some from the basement, I’ll be right back.”
She watches him go, realizing it’s the first time he’s actively left her presence since she woke up. But it’s clear that he’s actively resisting the urge to sprint, which makes her chuckle.
Over on the side, Robin is talking to her nurse friend Vickie, but she notices her looking and comes over, Robin trailing behind like a puppy.
“How are you feeling?” Vickie asks, still in her candy striper uniform, but with one of Robin’s cardigans thrown over so it doesn’t look as out of place.
“Fine, my eyes don’t hurt as much as before,” she says, and it’s not a lie.
“That’s good. I wish I could’ve grabbed your chart before we left the hospital so I’d have a better idea of how to help. I mean, I saw you plenty of times during my rounds, but I’m only a volunteer and it’d just be nice to not have to rely on our collective memory of what we think you need. Not that we couldn’t just ask you, but—anyways. I’m just glad you’re alright.”
She shrugs. “I mean, it’s not a big deal. We’ve saved the world how many times and we’ve never had any kind of medical professional with us until now, so I’d say it’s already better than what we’re used to.”
“Yeah, it’s definitely a lot to digest as a…newbie, I guess, but I want to help however I can.” She shoots a glance at Robin. “I’m not going with them into…the bridge? Upside Down? Anyways, it doesn’t seem like a good idea when I really don’t understand any of this, so I’ll be here. Let me know if you need anything, medical or otherwise.”
Max clears her throat. “Um, actually, I think I could use some help changing. Lucas is grabbing me some clothes, but it’d be nice to, y’know, actually to put them on.”
“Oh, sure! Just let me know when.”
Lucas then pops up around the corner, a large bundle in hand. “I didn’t know what you’d want so I brought up some different options, and I think there’s other stuff somewhere else if it doesn’t work and—”
“It’ll be fine.”
“Okay. I found some shoes too. Do you need, uh, help or anything?”
“Uh, no. Vickie’s gonna help me.”
“Okay, okay. Cool.” He grabs her hand and squeezes. “I’m going to go help in the basement but I’ll be back up soon.”
She does her best to squeeze back before making herself drop their hands so she doesn’t just stay there forever.
Vickie has probably seen much weirder and grosser shit and this is probably one of the lesser invasive things she’s done for a patient, Max figures, but it doesn’t completely take away from the fact she hates she needs someone else to help put her clothes on. But it is nice that Robin and Steve have a stash of toiletries here too and she gets to freshen up, feel closer to an actual human being for once instead of a mind prisoner or coma patient.
It’s the little things during the imminent end of the world.
Vickie wheels her back out into the hall when she’s done, and she sees Will sitting all alone, staring at the doodles on the glass in the main room. “Could you wheel me over there?” she asks, jerking her head in his general direction.
He doesn’t notice them approaching until she gets close, but she doesn’t blame him for being stuck in his head. Hell, it’d be ironic if she did.
She tries to crack a joke, but it falls flat against the fact they’re two people who’ve had their mind invaded by a psychopath, and now the fate of the world rests on the shoulders of a small ragtag crew of outcasts from Fucking Nowhere, Indiana. So the conversation lands on the only thing that matters now: the truth.
“I feel useless.”
He tries to tell her she’s not, but she shrugs it off as just a nicety. Everyone keeps being sickeningly polite to her now that she’s awake, and she wishes they would go back to normal.
She tells him the same thing when he tries to flip it on himself, thinking he’s useless, but he actually saved her life, so she feels it’s warranted.
But then she’s explaining how she managed to survive in Henry’s mind, and suddenly something clicks for him.
“You’re right. He gets into our heads and uses our memories against us, but if he’s human, he has the same weakness.” He pauses. “I think…I know what I can do. Thanks, Max.”
She doesn’t think she did much of anything, but goes with it. “Anytime.”
Something catches Will’s eye across the room, and she looks to see what it is, only to find Lucas standing there.
Will gets up off the couch. “I’m going to go see if anyone needs help.” He smiles and heads towards the back room.
Vickie taps her shoulder. “I’m going to find Robin real quick, but I’ll be around,” she says before walking away, and then it’s just the two of them for the first time since she doesn’t know when.
She tries to break the ice. “...So how come I didn’t get one of those cool station sweatshirts like you?”
“I think I took the last one,” he says, taking Will’s place on the couch.
“Oh yeah, you needed to change your outfit before I woke up?”
“No,” he says pointedly. “The shirt I had on before this was torn up from the demogorgon in the tunnel.”
“The demogorgon, wait, you got hurt? Where?”
“Just on my chest, it’s not a big deal—”
“Lucas—”
“Max, it’s okay, really. I’d take this over the alternative every time, if it means that I lived through the day to be here with you.”
She presses her lips into a hard line. There isn’t really anything she can say to that.
“Although, I’d prefer it if you weren’t flirting with one of my best friends.”
She laughs. “Jealous, are we?”
“Not at all, I just wish you’d show some loyalty. Being that, y’know, I kinda saved your ass back there.”
“Will saved my life in there too, so you’ve got competition in that department. And he’s filled out. Might have to dump you for some better eye candy.”
He rolls his eyes, lightly punches her arm. “Okay, first of all, the fact that you said that? Crazy. But also, you’re not wrong. He’s like, an entire man now.”
“Right? Somehow, that’s more crazy to me than him having actual powers. Like when we were in there, Holly and I, Will froze Henry and I was so convinced it was El. But then I got out and you guys told me it was him and I almost couldn’t believe it. He was just this little kid when they moved away. But seeing him now, it makes a lot more sense. He’s really come into himself." She goes quiet. “I’m so scared for her.”
“Max.” He takes her hands in his.
She can’t bring herself to look at him. “At least when I was in there, I could do something. Keep her safe.”
He reaches out with one hand to cup her face. “Hey, because you got her out, she was able to escape, and now we know where she is, and where he’s keeping the rest of the kids. We’d be at square one without that. You did good, Max. You did so good.”
She doesn’t even realize she’s crying until the tears are falling down her cheeks and then wrapping his arms around her.
“I can’t lose you either,” she cries into the crook of his neck, and wishes she could wrap her arms around him back and never let go.
“You’re not losing me,” he says, but his voice is shaking. “You’re not. I’m coming back, and so is Holly.”
He doesn’t say that the world won’t end, because no one knows that.
But here is this boy, who brought her out of her prison and never gave up on her the whole time she was gone.
She doesn’t know where her mom is, why two of her best friends have superpowers out of a comic book, or why she escaped Henry and Holly didn’t.
But this boy is telling her he’s going to come back to her. And while the world has fallen apart and nothing makes sense anymore, he has yet to fail her.
“Okay,” she lets out, and it’s shaky too, but she chooses to believe him.