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“Guys! What's going on? The lasagna’s getting cold!” Karen yelled from upstairs.
“Yeah, we… We just finished. We’ll be right up.” Mike stuttered out, taking a moment to take in his friends around him, as it set in just how fleeting it truly was.
Lucas stood up first, with Max, Dustin and Will shortly in tow, taking their binders with them and returning them slowly to the shelf. Each carried a heavy weight, physically and emotionally, and each of them lingered. Max, Lucas, Dustin, and finally, Will’s binder stacked up against each other.
Mike came last, and as he took in the sight of the binders on the shelf, he lingered on one in particular. The spot on the shelf next to Will’s waiting for him to fill it. He wanted to reach out, trace the gold W on the front. Maybe this wasn’t real, it wasn’t ending, and he could just live in this moment forever.
As his friends start to leave, he can’t help but feel his own story is unfinished. It aches to watch his friends leave, full of excitement for their future, while he’s still mentally stuck here, in the basement.
The binder shakes in his hands, as he watches his friends leave the basement by one. Dustin, Max and Lukas hand in hand, but his heart catches on the sight of Will leaving him. With every step Will takes away, he feels his heart contract and the lump in his throat grow. He can’t lose Will too, he just can’t. And he can’t see up the stairs from the shelf, and Will could already be gone, but he tries anyway.
“Will, wait.” Mike chokes out.
The creaks in the staircase stop suddenly, and Mike is scared he’s already gone. However, soft steps start to slowly come back down the stairs, and Mike can’t stop shaking, holding back the sob that had been rising.
“What’s up?” Will peaks out from the landing. When he takes in the sight of his best friend on the brink of something deep, he doesn’t hesitate to run over. Gingerly, he grabs Mike’s wrist and pulls him toward the couch to sit down. “What’s going on, Mike?” he asks gently, not releasing his hand from Mike’s wrist.
Any attempt at words dies in Mike’s throat, and Will watches wordlessly as Mike’s chest continues to raise up and down with panic.
“Is this about the campaign?” Will asks, “I thought it was amazing, you couldn’t have done anything better. It was perfect.” He massages gentle circles into Mike’s wrists, attempting to channel what his mother, Joyce, had always done for him. It was strange, being the one comforting instead of being comforted.
Mike shook his head.
“Is it that it feels like the last one?” Will asks gently, “You know we’ll play again, don’t you? We will all come back, and play until we get sick of it, if that’s even possible.” He’s rambling now, but he can’t bring himself to stop.
“What if it is?” Mike chokes out.
“It isn’t.” Will insists. “I won’t let it be.”
“Everyone will move on,” Mike insists. “Work, life, family, we don’t want it to happen, but it will. Everyone will move on and I’ll still be here.” The last words trailing off, as reality continues to sink in.
“You can move on too, Mike.” Will whispers. “You don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to.”
“You don’t understand.” Mike bites out.
“Then explain.”
He explains nothing.
“Mike, we won.” Will says, “We can do anything we want. We’ve earned that right. You earned that right.”
Mike slumps forward, sharply pulling his hand away from Will, as if he just realized what Will had been doing. “I haven’t earned anything.”
That stung Will, but didn’t stop him, and his voice started to strain with emotion. “You’re the heart, Mike. We couldn’t have done it without you.”
Mike laughed, bitterly. “I’m not a heart, I’m a coward. No one ever needed me.”
“I needed you.” Will whispered. A beat of silence followed, and another. “It was you, Mike. You saved me all those years ago, and you saved me now. You were my heart.”
Mike opened his mouth to interject, but Will quickly cut him off.
“The reason I was able to save you?” Will explained gently, “The reason I was able to save Robin, and Lucas from the demagorgons? It was you. You grounded me, and that’s how I was able to use my powers. You can say all you want that you did nothing, but you’re lying. Without you, we would’ve lost so many more.”
“I couldn’t save El,” he snaps. “I couldn’t save everyone.”
“She made her choice, Mike. There was nothing you could have done.”
“I could’ve saved her!” Mike insists. “If I had noticed she was gone sooner, or talked her out of it, she still could’ve been with us right now.”
Before Will can even oppose, Mike’s head collapses into his hands, and he starts to cry. “I could’ve saved her.” He repeats, “I could’ve saved her.” Wordlessly, Will gently pulls him closer to him, ignoring Mike’s flailing in attempts to escape, holding firmly to his chest.
“There was nothing you could have done.”
Mike sobs gently into Will’s chest, and Will continues to hold him tight. Time continues, and neither knows how long it has been until Mike’s sobbing slows, and Will feels the tension release from his shoulders. Mike slowly pulls Will waits for Mike to speak, wanting to hear what he has to say, and let him guide what happens next.
“I don’t think I’ll ever get over her.” Mike croaks. He cringes, and clears his throat. “And it’s killing me, and keeping me here, because I can’t imagine just moving on and leaving her behind."
“You loved her, Mike.” It still hurts Will to admit it, but he knows it's true.
“Maybe.” Mike says, “But not like everyone thinks.”
Will’s brows furrow in confusion, but he waits for Mike to continue.
“I love her, and I wanted to live life with her, but it hasn’t been romantic in a long time, if it ever was.” He pauses. “I kissed her before she even knew how to live, before I even knew myself.”
Will’s confusion continues to settle over his face, and Mike sighs.
“We broke up a long time ago,” Mike admits, “But it never felt like a breakup. We still loved each other, and wanted to protect and take care of each other, but not romantically.”
“I never knew,” Will whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
“We never did announce it,” Mike admitted. “And I never told you directly, I was scared.”
“Scared?” Hurt seeping into Will’s voice, visually retracting from Mike. “You know you can tell me anything, I’m your best friend.”
“You never told me you liked someone, or that you were gay.” Mike says quietly.
Will paused. “That was different.”
“How?”
“I couldn’t tell you,” Will admits. “I still can’t.”
“Why?” Mike asks desperately.
“Because I can’t lose you too!” Will exclaims, “I already lost my sister, and I can’t lose my best friend too.”
“Will, nothing you could ever say, would make me leave you.” Mike insists, putting his hand on Will’s shoulder. “You’re my best friend, and you’ve never left me, not even now.”
Hesitating, Will leans gently into the touch, unable to resist. “I just started to move on,” he whispers, looking Mike directly in his eyes, pleading. “Please, don’t make me say it.”
“What if I said a secret first?” Mike suggests, “A confession for a confession.”
Will nods.
“I know El didn’t commission that painting.” Mike says softly.
Will flinches away from Mike, and Mike’s hand that was once on his shoulder gently moves to hold his leg instead.
“Did she tell you?” Will asks.
“She didn’t have to. She didn’t know anything about D&D.” Mike laughs, trying to lighten the mood. Will stays somber, staring down at his hands. However, Mike can’t help but ask, “Why did you lie to me about it?”
“I didn’t mean to lie,” Will admits, “I just couldn’t tell you the truth either.”
“And what is that?”
“That it’s you, Mike.” Will says slowly.
“What’s me?”
Will finally lifts his gaze from his hand, and slowly looks up at Mike, “It’s always been you. You’ve always been my heart,” his voice cracking on the last word. His eyes slowly start to fill with tears, as he waits for Mike to push him away and reject him.
“I was your Tammy.” Mike said carefully, “Wasn’t I?”
Will nods, and then shakes his head.
“Who was Tammy?” Mike asked, and Will realized only Robin would have understood what he truly meant.
“Tammy was Robin’s crush,” he admitted. “It was unrealistic, unrequited. She was obsessed with her, even though they would never be together, and she knew that." He paused, tanking one hand to hold his other arm, and he sighed deeply.
“You… had a crush on me?”
“I still do,” Will whispers. “And I was never going to tell you, I couldn’t do that to El, to you. I know you don’t feel the same, and I would never want to ruin anything, so… you’re Tammy.”
“I’m Tammy,” Mike repeats slowly.
“Yeah.” Will whispers.
Mike pauses, looking up at the ceiling and sighs.
After a minute, he looks back to Will, who is squeezing his own arm so tightly it looks like it hurts. “I’m not your Tammy, Will.” He looks him straight in the eyes, “I have a confession too.”
Will looks at him, a desperate hope and sense of doubt flickering through him simultaneously, as if he won’t allow himself to feel anything.
Mike continues, “That night on the radio tour, I wasn’t being completely honest with you either. I had so much I wanted to say to you, but it didn’t feel like the right time, and I was scared,” He admits, “I struggled to even believe in myself and what I thought, let alone say it out loud.” At this point, he’s rambling, but the words won’t stop tumbling out of him. “I don’t even think I can tell you right now.”
Will laughs quietly, “Remember?” He starts, “We’re best friends, we are supposed to be able to tell each other anything.” His head drops, “I just hope I haven’t ruined it now.”
“You didn’t ruin anything, Will,” Mike grabs his hands with his, “And no, we’re not best friends. Not to me. Not in a long time.” Will grips Mike’s hand tight, as if he’s scared Mike is going to leave him, as the uncertainty lies heavily in his words. “When I wrote each of the party’s epilogues,” Mike continues, “I told you that you were going to go off, and find someone who truly loves and accepts you. What I didn’t tell you,” he says slowly, “Was that I wished it was me.”
Will gasps, “Mike.”
“I love you, Will. I always have, and I probably always will.” he admits. “But I can’t have you, and it hurts me to let you go,” Mike continues, and pulls Will’s hands to his chest and holds them there against his chest. “Because selfishly, I don’t want you to leave, I want you to stay here, with me.”
Will, looking completely bewildered. His eyes never leave Mike’s.
“Say something,” Mike begs. “Please, Will. Say something.”
Will’s brows furrow, and he gently tries to pull his hands away from Mike. “This isn’t funny.”
Mike doesn’t allow him to retreat, “I’m not joking, Will. When I thought I lost you when this all started, it killed me, and it would’ve killed me if it happened again. You’re my heart, Will, I can’t live without you.”
Tears trip down Will’s face, and eventually, he pulls a hand away to bang it on Mike’s chest, sobbing. He continues the light-hearted assault, and Mike just takes it until Will stops and collapses his head and fist against Mike’s chest.
“You dated my sister!” Will chokes, “For years, and I watched.”
“I know,” Mike admits, slowly wrapping his arms around Will’s back.
“You said we were friends,” Will says desperately, “Over, and over, and over again!”
Mike slowly pulls Will closer to him.
“And I still wanted you,” Will admits. “I still loved you.”
“I’m so sorry, Will,” Mike squeezes him close.
Will looks up at Mike’s face, and at this point, they’re both inconsolable and just sobbing into each other's shoulders. Eventually, Mike pulls back, and rests his hand on Will’s cheek. “You deserve better than me,” he admits to Will, “I want you to have that future I told you. I want you to move on from me.”
“Mike,” Will says tearfully.
“I treated you horribly, and was a truly horrible, selfish friend,” Mike continues.
“Mike,” Will continues, wrapping his hands on either side of Mike’s head.
“I never let myself admit I loved you, and you deserve someone who will love you openly, proudly. Give you what I couldn’t give you.”
“Mike,” Will says desperately. “Shut up.”
He shifted one hand to be gently around Mike’s neck, and pulled him in close, closing his eyes and firmly pressing their lips together. Mike doesn’t push back immediately, and Will starts to panic, thinking he misjudged. However, seconds later, Mike’s hands wrap desperately around his back and pull him closer.
“I don’t want someone else,” Will pulls back to say. “I just want you.”
Mike looks up at him with awe, before slowly pulling Will back into him.
Kissing was completely new territory for Will, so he happily let Mike take the lead. Mike’s hand on his back, pulling him closer. Him catching Will’s bottom lip in his mouth, and deepening the kiss, as he tilted Will’s head slightly to the side. Will sighed deeply into the kiss, letting all the tension release from his body.
Gently, Mike pulls them almost flush together. “Is this ok?” he whispers into Will’s ear, causing him to shiver slightly.
“Yeah,” Will says, and presses himself towards Mike, pressing further up against him. Wrapping his hands tightly around Mike’s neck, one tangling in his hair, as if he might vanish at any second, and leaning to go back into another kiss. Mike holds Will’s sides reassuringly, and leans until his body is flush with Will’s, deepening it even further.
Eventually, Mike pulls gently away from Will, and nestles his head into the side of Will’s neck. “I love you,” he whispers there, confessing it again to Will, gently pressing a kiss in the side of his neck.
“I love you too, Mike,” Will whispers into Mike’s curls.
They stay there, holding each other, pressing gentle kisses, which could be for seconds, or minutes, before they hear the basement door bang back open and they jump apart quickly.
“Are you two coming?” Max yells down the stairs, “Dinner’s getting cold, and I don’t think we can hold off the kids any longer.”
“You said you’d be done like an hour ago!” Holly yells, and as she speaks, her, Derek, and the rest of their friends come tumbling down the stairs, eager to take over the basement space. Will presses his side up against Mike, as they turn around to watch them all take place at the table that was once their own, preparing for their own game.
Will smiles, and gently leans his head against Mike’s shoulder, as Mike’s arm comes to wrap around him, and play with his hair. After a moment, he turns and presses a kiss into Will’s hair. “Let’s go,” he whispers, “They’re waiting for us.”