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Surprisingly, it started with First Aid.
Some sort of argument had broken out between him and Ratchet. The usually agreeable nurse had apparently had his temper poked once too much that day. Prowl would bet money that Ratchet had said something about his last off shift and Vortex and a neutral port. First Aid had responded with a fairly detailed rant about Ratchet’s own liaisons with Deadlock. It had devolved from there.
Unfortunately, and very stupidly, someone mechs had tried separating the two med bots once it got physical and that had just made it even worse. Mirage did not take kindly to Cliffjumper’s comments on how he and Skywarp hadn’t been accounted for during the last battle. Blaster had tried playing intermediary in that and got some fairly critical psychic damage about his ongoing dj battle with Soundwave. Skyfire had been the ever loving peaceful giant until someone had mentioned his history with Starscream and the shuttle had ended up a puddle of optic fluid on the floor of the Arc. Prowl didn’t know who said it but he’d learned some very disturbing details about the terror twins and their unusual relationship with Swindle. Even mention of Blurr’s odd looks at Shockwave had made it in. And he really didn’t want to think about how Bee worked with Thundercracker, the size difference was giving his Tac-net a helmache just trying not to focus on it.
In the end they’d all somehow been shuffled into his office. Prowl specifically had a closet as an office so no one could bother him but somehow they’d managed it.
He was going to kill Jazz the next time he saw the mech. He wasn’t even sure how but he felt it down in his spark that the saboteur was responsible for this mess becoming his.
Which was right about the time Optimus had shown up.
Look, most of the time Prowl actually quite liked the Autobot leader. The mech was good and usually fair. But the moment he’d started spouting his Autobot justice rhetoric Prowl had felt something in his processor snap.
He looked up from the pile of data pads he’d been staring at in the desperate hope everyone would leave his closet on their own. He leveled Optimus with his patent disappointed stare, “You have no right to lecture them when I heard Megatron begging you to go behind a rock for some alone time just last decacycle.”
All the noise in the room stopped. Not even the creak of a rusty joint. Everyone was staring at him. Prowl stared right back. Optimus looked shocked, Prowl too that as his cue to continue. “I bet if you offered to sit on his face we’d have a peace treaty signed by the end of the cycle.”
Prowl couldn’t hear it but he could feel his sparkmate laughing somewhere in the vents, avoiding the whole situation but still getting the fun out of it. The fragger.
It was Ironhide who had managed to squeeze into the already crowded room that broke the silence. “Wow, Prowl it's only you and Jazz keeping high command straight these days huh? Man, woulda thought if anyone was engaging in cross-fraction fraternization it woulda been the head of spec ops.”
It was Prowl’s turn to go still and silent. Then he did the thing he absolutely tried to not to do and usually left to his counterpart, he was impulsive.
“No Ironhide, Jazz just had the sense that if he wanted to keep fragging a Decepticon tactician he’d make sure we were on the same side and could do it in our own bed. So he did what you’re all too scared of commitment to do: he tossed me over his shoulder and made me see the sense of being together.”
Prowl’s audials were filled with static at the responding commotion.