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Joshua still remembers the day he met Junhui. It was 2013, his Korean was kindergarten level at best, and his head was still spinning after getting scouted back home in LA even as he walked into the Pledis Entertainment building, trying not to be sick with nerves as he introduced himself in that puke green practice room. Junhui had long, straight hair styled like some of the emo boys Joshua saw on Tumblr, minus the eyeliner. Though Joshua thought he would kind of look good with the eyeliner. It didn’t take long for him to start picturing himself crowded into Junhui’s space, holding his breath as he drew the kohl across Junhui’s eyelid and- no. Joshua had to remind himself this was Seoul. Not Los Angeles. He couldn’t have those thoughts, he definitely couldn’t act on them, and he could absolutely, under no circumstances, act on them with any of his fellow trainees.
Junhui was oblivious to his staring and befriended Joshua almost immediately. His Korean was even worse than Joshua’s, with him being from China and therefore less of a background with the language, and despite the fact that their only shared language was one neither of them could speak well, they grew close, helped by the fact that they ended up spending lots of extra time outside of dance and voice lessons, considering they were both, alongside Minghao, taking Korean lessons together. Minghao was much more reserved, and the two of them sort of took him under their wing together. Joshua learned that Junhui cared. A lot. He might not have understood the language or be able to express himself well, but he showed it in so many ways, down to making breakfast for all of the kids who were still in school during their pre-debut days. Joshua was inspired by his dedication and his sheer talent. Being around Junhui had made him want to be better, try harder, just by being in his orbit. Junhui was always there to encourage him when the company’s comments were particularly harsh, never afraid to voice his distaste for how Joshua and Jeonghan always seemed to be singled out as the “weakest links” in the group.
Joshua and Jeonghan at one point became fed up with the criticism. It was too much. They were nearly to the point of dropping out, though they hadn’t told anyone as much. Junhui was the reason they ended up staying. He hadn’t known that Joshua and Jeonghan had been scheming, all but having decided to quit on the spot the next time they were picked apart in front of the group.
But the following night changed everything for Joshua. He walked out of practice, scrounging together enough cash between himself and Junhui to share some kimbap from the convenience store on the way home, sitting on the bench outside to eat it, passing a soda they had somehow been able to afford back and forth between them.
“I’m glad you joined.” Junhui admitted after swallowing a swig of the soda, “It feels like a real group with you in it.”
Joshua couldn’t stop his shy smile from breaking across his face. Junhui was so sincere and so straightforward, partially due to his rudimentary grasp on the language. Joshua secretly hoped he never improved. He liked him this way. “You’re just saying that.”
“No.” Junhui protested, shaking his head, “No, Shua. We’re going to debut and be together for a long time. We wouldn’t have gotten this far without you. The team is better because of you.”
“Jeonghan and I were going to quit.” Joshua admitted, already putting it in the past tense.
“Don’t.” Junhui pleaded. “I know it’s hard, but please don’t. Please stay. I really want you to stay.”
“Why?” Joshua pried.
“I…” Junhui groaned, “I don’t know how to say it in Korean.” He mumbled it in Chinese, like that might help Joshua understand better, “I’m sorry. But I just want you to. Please.”
Joshua studied his pretty face for a long time, the stars that had made themselves at home in Junhui’s eyes, before speaking again, “I’ll let Jeonghan know our plans have changed, then.”
Jeonghan would accept it, even if it took some convincing. But Joshua couldn’t leave Junhui, not after that.
Little did Joshua know that he would be the one finding himself asking Junhui to stay someday twelve years down the line. Not for the same reasons, of course. But part of him knew it was fair to do so because of that.
It was New Year's Eve, they had just had a really nice dinner all together as a pack, one that didn’t get derailed frighteningly quickly this time around, and they had had such a lovely time, even managing to sneak a swift kiss as the clock struck midnight. But now Junhui was packing his things at Joshua’s apartment, getting ready to head to the airport for a red eye flight to Beijing. Except Joshua needed to tell him something he’d been putting off for too long now.
Jeonghan had already chastised him for doing so.
“Joshuji, you know his schedule. It’s better to do it sooner rather than later. Give you guys some time to talk about it.” Jeonghan had tried to reason when Joshua had called him last week, panicked all over again after having chickened out yet again.
“What if he freaks out? Or doesn’t agree with what I’ve decided? What if he wants to drop out of this movie because of it?” Joshua spewed all his fears on the ground at Jeonghan’s feet.
“Sweetheart,” Jeonghan cooed, “It’s Junhui. It’s just Junhui. I know things have been difficult lately, but it’s just him at the end of the day, baby. You two have managed this for twelve years now- no,” He stopped Joshua from protesting at the timeline of events, “I don’t care if it’s ‘not official’, you’re the only two who don’t believe that it is. And you might as well have been together the whole time anyways, You certainly worked through things as friends before you became more. Don’t forget that he was your friend first, Shushu.”
Joshua sighed, “I know you’re right.” Of course he was. Jeonghan was always right.
“I’m always right, Shua.”
“I know you are.” Joshua smiled, despite his lingering nerves, “Thank you, Hannie.”
“Any time.” He could hear Jeonghan’s proud smirk through the phone, “Love you, my Joshuji.”
“Love you, too, Han.” Joshua hung up before Jeonghan could start singing at him in his weird little gremlin voice or something. Not that he didn’t secretly love that. But still.
Joshua, however, hadn’t told Junhui a week ago. And now the man was practically halfway out of the house. Joshua didn’t know what to do. So he panicked and picked at a scab that he knew would open up a wound. It would hurt them both but it would get to the point of what Joshua needed quickly.
“I don’t understand why you’re in such a hurry.” Joshua whined as he handed Junhui one of his shirts from the laundry to pack so that he’d have something that smelled like Joshua while he was gone.
“Shua, you knew I was leaving.” Junhui sighed like he knew the protests would be coming.
“I know! I know that. Of course you're leaving, you're always leaving.” Joshua huffed, sitting down too heavily on the bed.
“That's not fair and you know it. You knew what this was when we started it.” Junhui stopped moving long enough to search Joshua’s face, “Please, help me out here, Jisoo-yah. What do you want me to do?”
“I just want you to stay for once.”
“I- I can't do that, darling. I'm sorry.”
“Please, Junnie? Just this once? I'll buy you a new plane ticket… I just-” Joshua felt his voice waver now, knowing he was about to have to drop the bomb on Junhui. Wishing he would just stay without a good reason to, but knowing he wouldn’t. Couldn’t. “I need to have you to myself for a few more hours.”
“Baby… I-”
“I'm pregnant, Jun.”
Junhui stopped dead in his tracks. His phone slipped out of his hand, landing on the pile of clothes in his suitcase. Joshua watched as his facial expressions speed ran the full breadth of human emotion in half a second. “You’re- you're what? How are you- Are you sure?”
Joshua nodded, “I'm sure.” He took a step closer to Junhui, now within arms reach, “I can show you the tests, I took like 7 of them to be sure.”
“No, no, no, I believe you.” Junhui shook his head before taking a step towards Joshua. “I just- Oh my god. You're pregnant.”
“I can't keep it. I don't think we should keep it. But I couldn't let you leave without telling you and I just, I need you right now, Jun. I'm so fucking scared and I need you. Just a few more hours, please?”
“Of course I'll stay.” Junhui nodded before falling to his knees, wrapping Joshua around the middle with his arms, head laying on Joshua’s still very flat stomach. “Oh my god. Joshua, baby. You're pregnant, of course I'll stay.”
Joshua’s voice shook, no longer able to stay composed, “‘M scared, Junnie.”
Junhui tugged on his hand, pulling Joshua down to join him on the floor of his bedroom, “I’ve got you, baby.” He pulled a shuddering, sniffling Joshua to his chest, “Alpha’s got you.”
Junhui presenting as an alpha had been a bit of a surprise to the members. For the most part, he was mild mannered, more than a little odd and off-beat, but calm, kind, and comforting to be around. Not to mention, he was pretty enough - more than pretty enough to be an omega. Joshua still remembers talking with the others about it, all of whom seemed to be on the same page. He had said the same remarks to Jeonghan, only to be met with a scoff from the omega.
“I don’t know why you’re surprised.” Joshua stared back at him blankly, waiting for the rest of the explanation. “Well, he’s your alpha, Jisoo-yah.”
“What! We’re- no. We’re not like that-” Joshua had sputtered, panicked. He and Junhui had been fooling around, their physical relationship quickly turning into something more, but they had been so careful keeping it secret.
Jeonghan rolled his eyes, “American school systems really failed you in the sex ed department. No, we can pretend you’re not together, I won’t tell anyone, don’t worry, but secondary genders aren’t born, they’re created. You presented as an omega and you know our Junnie has always protected you in different ways. All of us, yes. But you’ve always been a little different for him. It makes perfect sense he presented as an alpha. He’s your alpha.” Jeonghan said it again to emphasize his point. “Don’t feel weird about it, Seungcheol is mine. It doesn’t mean you have to be together. But if I’m right, and I always am, it’s a pretty good indication that you two will be. You could do a lot worse, Joshuji.”
Joshua didn’t understand fully. Not back then at least. Sometimes he felt he didn’t understand now, either.
But in that moment, wrapped in Junhui’s embrace as he felt like the world was falling apart around him, letting himself break because he knew this was the one place he could do so safely, with the guarantee that sure hands would put him back together, he understood better than he ever had. He felt a surge of pride then. For his younger self, for instinctively choosing so well. A survival instinct, maybe, as he was dead broke halfway across the world from everything he knew and loved, eyes landing on Junhui from across the room the second he set foot into what would become his future, selecting him from that moment, whether he knew it or not, a skinny teenager with floppy emo hair, who didn’t speak more than a few words of the same language as him, and something deep inside of him deciding “That is him. My safety.”
Yeah, Joshua should be proud.
Junhui had drawn Joshua a bath, then stepped out to call his agent and have him book a new flight for the following evening. At least they could spend the night together. Have some time to talk about all of this. Joshua felt a little silly for being so scared to bring this up to Junhui until now. He was sure that fact was on the list of things for them to discuss. But he knew it would be okay. It was just Junhui, afterall.
The thing was, Joshua didn’t hate the idea of having a pup. He thought he probably wanted one with Junhui. Actually, if he were completely honest with himself, he knew he did. It just wasn’t something he let himself have the luxury of thinking about for too long because he couldn’t have it now. But someday. Someday. Someday when he could properly love and care for the little one. The image of Junhui with a chubby little fist wrapped around his elegant fingers, cooing at their pup- yeah. Now Joshua was crying for a totally different reason.
“Okay, all booked! Oh-” Junhui scrambled through the door, crouching by the tub, “What’s wrong, baby? I’m not mad at you, you know. We will talk about it later, but I’m not mad.”
Joshua shook his head, “No, I know you’re not.” He sniffled as Junhui brushed the tears off of his face, “It’s stupid, I was… I was picturing you with a pup. Our pup. And it… Yeah.”
Junhui’s eyes welled up at the mention of it, “Oh, qīnài de,” A term of endearment that Junhui reserved for very important moments, “You want that, with me?”
Joshua nodded, “I do. I really do, Junnie. I just can’t… right now. It wouldn’t be fair. There’s too much I still want to do. With Seventeen and solo, as an actor, too.”
Junhui leaned in, peppering Joshua’s face with kisses, landing on his lips for the last one, “Then we wait.” He smiled, syrupy sweet, completely besotten, “We grieve this one, what could have been if we were in a different place, we thank it for what it taught us, and we look forward to what lies in store for us in the future.”
“W-what if I can’t get pregnant again?” Joshua’s lip wobbled at the thought of it.
Junhui helped him up out of the bath, drying him off with a fluffy towel before wrapping him in his own bathrobe, Joshua breathing easier as he was enveloped in the alpha’s scent. He didn’t answer until he had Joshua in his arms again, “Then we can look into adoption, if you want. Or we can see about freezing embryos, just in case. There are always options, baby. If you want to have pups, we will find a way when we’re ready.”
Joshua nuzzled into Junhui’s neck, holding him tighter, “Promise?”
“I promise, darling.” Junhui stroked his back slowly before scooping him up into his arms like he was his blushing bride, “Anything you want that I can give you, consider it already yours.”
“I love you so much, Wen Junhui.” Joshua whispered as they finally laid down to sleep together.
“I love you more, Hong Jisoo.” Junhui replied, punctuating it with a kiss to the crown of Joshua’s head. “Sleep now, bǎobèi. Alpha’s got you.”
Joshua let himself purr for the first time in ages, safe and sound in Junhui’s arms. His alpha. His Junhui, who he stayed for, and who stayed for him in return.
They couldn’t afford to sleep too late, but Junhui still took his time as he opened Joshua up, fucking him nice and slow into the mattress as the sun rose above the buildings outside his window, casting a gentle golden light across their bodies, sweat sparkling like stars across their skin.
“You can’t get me pregnant if I’m already pregnant.” Joshua had reasoned as he had coaxed Junhui inside without a condom.
Junhui had bent his knees to his chest, putting Joshua into a mating press, his chest rumbling as he licked up Joshua’s neck, his thrusts going so deep that Joshua was sure his cock could be seen through the thin skin of his stomach. “I can try.” Junhui mumbled into Joshua’s skin.
Their scents were mixing together in a heady cloud that permeated the room, Joshua almost felt like he was getting high off of it.
“You like it.” Joshua observed, “Knowing you did this to me.”
“So much.” Junhui panted, voice strained, “Picturing you like that, carrying our pup, unable to hide it. Fuck- Everyone would know you’re mine.”
“Please-” Joshua pleaded, not exactly sure what for, as he came, clenching around Junhui’s knot.
“Someday.” Junhui promised again as he cleaned them both up.
That night, Joshua let Junhui leave to catch his flight. He still wanted him to stay, of course, but that was just him being selfish this time. Not because he needed to tell him something potentially life-altering.
Jeonghan went with Joshua to the clinic.
Junhui was in the middle of filming and Joshua needed this done sooner rather than later, seeing as he was just invited to the Golden Globes. He wanted it over with before that, he wanted that moment, when he was home, fulfilling one of his lifelong dreams, to be his alone. Junhui felt horrible that he couldn’t fly home to be there for him, but Joshua understood. It hurt, but he understood.
“Proud of you, Joshuji.” Jeonghan squeezed his hand in the waiting room.
“Proud?” Joshua cocked an eyebrow at him.
“Always.” Jeonghan rolled his eyes, “But yes, I’m proud. A lot of omegas would feel obligated to give up their career, keep the pregnancy, have the pup, do it just to please their mate. And that’s not to say I’m judging them for it. To each their own. But you knew you wouldn’t be able to give this one, this potential pup, the life you want to give it. It’s probably the most selfless thing you’ve ever done.”
“Hannie-” Joshua gripped his hand, “Thank you. I- I owe you for coming with me, I know it can’t have been easy to ask off-”
“Aigoo, none of that.” Jeonghan cut him off, “I would do a lot worse than ask the Korean government for a day off work to be here with you today. No questions asked, Jisoo-yah. I know you would do the same. If you weren’t a defector.”
“I’m American!” Joshua whined, feigning exasperation.
“I know, aegi, and we don’t even hold it against you anymore.” Jeonghan teased, patting the back of his hand.
All in all, it was a very clinical affair. Over and done with in a blur. Before he knew it, Jeonghan was helping him into his apartment. Or, he was trying to. But the door was currently blocked by the largest flower arrangement Joshua had ever seen in his life. It was beautiful, exactly to Joshua’s taste, even down to the smattering of California poppies, which he had once told Junhui he loved since they reminded him of home. At the base of the arrangement was a bottle of wine with a note tied to it.
“C’mon, I’ll bring it all inside in a minute.” Jeonghan, always surprising Joshua with his strength, moved the arrangement to the side so they could let themselves in.
Joshua fell asleep in his bed, curled up with one of Junhui’s sweatshirts, Jeonghan purring softly to comfort him, before he had a chance to read the note.
Joshua awoke a few hours later to the smell and sounds of food being cooked in his kitchen. Which was odd, considering Joenghan wasn’t exactly the most skilled in that department. He sat up a bit in bed, his body feeling a little worse for the wear, but the doctor had told him to expect some cramps and discomfort, so he wasn’t alarmed. He more so was focused on telling his brain that there was no way that was Junhui in his kitchen, despite the voice deep inside pleading with the universe to prove him wrong.
He shook the thought off and looked over to find the bottle of wine, note still attached, which he leaned over and retrieved immediately, desperate to lay eyes upon Junhui’s familiar handwriting.
Joshua, my xīngān,
As you’re reading this, I should be about to wrap for the night. I have booked the earliest flight available in the morning. I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there for you today, but I hope I can make up for it.
Mingyu is in your kitchen, making dinner. Please eat well. You will, for me, won’t you?
The wine is from Italy. I took notes on all the ones we tried together, nearly three years ago now, but it seems like yesterday, and this one finally became available to import here. You do remember it don’t you? How we snuck away with a glass full of this and you cornered me against the stone wall of a building that was older than all of us combined times a hundred. You told me you loved me for the first time. I had waited two years to hear it back. I’d have waited more. I’ll always wait for you, darling.
Thank you for waiting for me, too.
Enjoy this in the meantime. Drink and be glad that you can.
Yours forever,
Junhui
So, Joshua ate the steak and pasta with no concern for whatever diet he was supposed to be on, he drank the wine, just as delicious as he remembered, and he was glad he could have it, since he wasn’t pregnant anymore and didn’t have to worry about it harming his pup. He even shared some with Mingyu as they reminisced about Nana Tour together, lamenting about how neither of their trips with Na PD had been all thirteen of them, agreeing that they would make it happen, someday, even if they were all in their fifties by then.
By the time Mingyu had cleaned the kitchen and left, it was late at night. Joshua fell asleep reading his book. And when he awoke next, Junhui was there in his nest, wrapped around his back, dead asleep with his eyes still half open.
“I really hope that’s a recessive trait.” Joshua whispered to himself as he reached up and closed Junhui’s eyelids manually, “But I will still love our pup someday if they sleep with their eyes open like their appa.”
And he would. He would love any trait in their child that resembled Junhui. After all, he had hand-picked his other half himself. If there was one thing Joshua Hong was sure of in this world, it was that he had perfect taste. Wen Junhui was the most exemplary evidence he had of that fact.
His alpha.
His mate. Someday.