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In bed after Heiter and Himmel defeated the giant bird together, Heiter found himself staring up at the ceiling, smiling to himself. He was tired and still hurting after his barebones healing both himself and Himmel, but struggled to rest, and he listened to all the other kids sleeping. Usually it didn’t bother him, after so long listening to them all in the crowded orphanage. But it was different knowing what he and Himmel had accomplished. And what he’d admitted to his… friend? At least Himmel thought they were friends.
Himmel was next to him, fast asleep, getting a proper hero’s rest.
Heiter wondered if he should be praying, thanking the goddess for their survival. Maybe that was why he couldn’t sleep: he hadn’t been grateful enough. He hadn’t been fully honest with Himmel. Despite everything he’d done and admitted, coming out fully about his feelings was just hard. He envied Himmel’s earnestness and passion, no matter how foolish it sometimes seemed. Himmel made up for it by being not just competent but also good. He’d been incredible during the fight, even if he still needed Heiter’s pitiful help.
I’ll find a way to explain myself someday, he thought. And he’d get stronger so that in the future, he would be able to fight his own battles. He wasn’t a hero, but people needed support. They needed people to fight for them.
And Himmel, well… Heiter wanted to support him. Heiter didn’t have many things in his life he was passionate about, other than looking after the other kids and becoming a strong priest. But now there was a new thing. An annoying blue haired wannabe hero… and Heiter belonged at his side.
Heiter smiled, thinking of how incredible Himmel had looked as he fought. He’d probably think about that for a long time.
After the defeat of the Demon King
Eisen nodded at the two humans before walking off in the direction of his home, leaving the big city behind.
“And so there were two,” Himmel said as he stood with Heiter in the afternoon sunshine. “Both Frieren and Eisen gone…”
“It’s the way of things,” Heiter replied, semi-cheerfully. “Though we’re both likely to go first, given we’re human and they’re long-lived…” He couldn’t imagine having as much time to live as elves and dwarves did.
Himmel raised an eyebrow at him. “That’s rather dark, even for you. Hangover not going so well?”
Heiter scoffed and said, “I feel perfectly fine.” Sure, his head hurt a little and the afternoon sunshine was still a bit much, but he was better than he’d been in the morning.
“Then perhaps you should stay with me for the day anyway, to sleep things off,” Himmel replied as he turned back to town. “You’re going to the Holy City, right? You want to start the rest of your life on the proper foot.”
And you just don’t want to be alone, Heiter thought but didn’t say as he fell in beside Himmel. “A day or so can’t hurt.” He found… he didn’t want to be alone, either.
There was no big fanfare when they came back into the city. Some people stopped, stared, and waved, and a few children giggled and gossiped around them. But the world moved on whether they saved it or not. Plenty of happinesses and tragedies occurred outside demon kings, alive or dead.
“Aren’t you going to accept new jobs now, too?” Heiter asked as he smiled at the people nodding to them. “I imagine everyone’s asking after you.” He’d seen the requests for the great Hero Himmel. Monster slaying and the like.
“I have to decide which to prioritize,” Himmel said, smiling serenely at their admirers, looking like a proper hero. “Some will require a lot of travel and supplies.” He laughed and said, “I may even have to hire a secretary.”
“I pity whoever it is,” Heiter replied. He imagined Himmel setting up some big hero business, probably getting asked to train people. And the marriage offers he’d be getting, too… A secretary for the great Hero Himmel was going to have a lot of work on their hands.
“You’re not offering your services?” Himmel asked with a grin.
“Not on your life,” Heiter replied, slightly repulsed by the idea. He was fine keeping and reviewing records for his own work, but regular heroing? Especially for whatever was coming Himmel’s way? Never!
“You’d probably get drunk and not keep up with your work anyway,” Himmel mused.
Heiter snorted in contempt of the idea, but in the following silence, he realized they both missed comments from two people who were no longer there.
“It’s not like they’re dead,” Himmel said, as if sensing Heiter’s thoughts. “And like you said, they’re more likely to pass after we do. They could always visit any time.”
“But would Frieren?” Heiter asked, a bit quieter, and knowing it would hurt Himmel to hear. “She’s so forgetful…”
“Maybe Eisen will find her,” Himmel said with a smile, as if he wasn’t bothered at all. “And drag her back before the meteor shower.” After a moment he said, “Or maybe there’ll be some grand book sale nearby and that’ll attract her interest.”
Heiter snorted and said, “Yes, that’s possible.” He didn’t know what heartbreak Himmel was going through now that Frieren hadn’t stayed behind for him. And hadn’t given an indication she’d even considered the idea. Himmel’s attachment to her had been a strange one, given their personalities, but there had seemed to be something there…
Wanting to comfort his friend, Heiter offered, “Himmel… do you want to get a drink?” Maybe Himmel could ignore some of his pain that way.
“I’m surprised you’re asking,” Himmel said with another grin. “Usually I’d just find you there.”
“I mean together,” Heiter insisted. “We haven’t really talked much, you and I, in a while.” They’d been so busy with so much else. Surprisingly, for a group that traveled together for 10 years, there were rather rare moments with just the two of them to talk about serious things.
“If you’re staying with me for a bit,” Himmel said, “we’ll have time. But I’m not exactly looking to party so quickly after last night.”
Heiter supposed that made sense. His companions could be such sticks in the mud at times.
They ended up getting dinner at a pub they’d been to before, which had some good fresh shrimp dishes that both of them found appealing, and Heiter – despite himself – held back on the drink a bit, to keep up with Himmel and their conversation. They talked a bit about their journey, or about the offers Himmel had received for work. He was considering keeping the house the king had given him, perhaps turning it into a place where he could train others in swordsmanship, or else selling it and using the money to travel.
“You’ve had offers, too,” Himmel said at one point as Heiter was drinking. “There are plenty of places who want you to come serve at their places of worship.”
Heiter nodded. Most were likely far away from wherever Himmel was. That was the main issue. There were probably jobs they could do together, and even involve Eisen if they wanted. But for how long? And how pathetic would it sound if he said that? Like he was holding onto Himmel’s coattails, when the hero now had the world ahead of him?
Once upon a time, Heiter had wanted to make his own way in the world, and help Himmel, too, but now it felt so… needy.
“What are you moping about now?” Himmel asked as he leaned in, surprising Heiter.
“What?” Heiter asked, confused. He was good at pretending to not care about things, or so he thought.
“Ever since we were little,” Himmel said, “you pretend you have everything handled, even when you don’t. Just like you couldn’t handle those enemies alone the first time we fought together, and those moments over the years you’ve struggled overmuch with the burden of our journey, I can see you’re struggling with something now.”
Heiter scowled. “I’m fine.” He gazed into his mug. But all he saw was half-drunk alcohol.
Himmel nudged his shoulder. “It’s okay to miss them, you know.”
The empty spaces at their table almost felt physical. Frieren focusing on eating all she could, and Eisen quietly working away. The easy chatter. It hurt.
Heiter glared at him, bothered to be seen through so easily. “That’s not what’s bothering me.” At least it wasn’t all of it. There also the newfound awkwardness with Himmel, and the question of when they’d part ways, too.
“Isn’t it?” Himmel said with a smile. “I’ve been looking about for them all day, so I’ve spotted you doing the same.” He leaned back in his chair and looked a bit despondent. “It’s been a while since it’s been truly just us, hasn’t it?”
Heiter smiled sadly. “Yes. Our worlds grew and seemed so large… and now…” He glanced at Himmel and away. “I didn’t realize how small it felt before that.” They’d seen wonders he’d never dreamed of on their journey, fought all sorts of monsters, traveled so far, learned so much, and met so many people… and now they were here, on the eve of another departure, to who knew what?
And alone, most likely.
Himmel chuckled and said, “You’ve set your sights farther than you planned, Heiter. I’m proud of you.”
Heiter scowled at him. “I always set my sights far! Because I had…” His face burned and he looked away, embarrassed of what he’d been about to say. Loneliness bred foolishness, it was true, but…
“Because you had what?” Himmel asked.
“Because I had you to look up to,” Heiter said, feeling it was all silly to ignore now anyway. Who knew how long they’d travel together? He’d already admitted some silly things in their travels…
Himmel’s eyes widened in surprise, and Heiter wondered if he was being too honest.
Clearly, he needed more to drink.
Himmel’s expression grew gentler, almost tender. “Maybe that’s enough for the night?”
Heiter felt something almost crumble in his chest for some reason. The Hero Himmel clearly handled things better than Heiter did, again. And Heiter was no Frieren. But Heiter said, “We paid for this, let’s finish.” He would get over himself in time.
Himmel nodded slowly. “Okay. Then bed.”
Himmel still had to half-carry Heiter back to the house they’d been staying at, and thankfully the cleaning staff had set up the beds for them again. Himmel was able to push Heiter onto his bed relatively quickly.
When Heiter stared at the wooden ceiling and the moonlight peeking in from the window behind him, he said, “I’m sorry for earlier. I didn’t mean to be so…” Needy? Desperate? He didn’t want to hold Himmel back from his proper rewards, after all. This was his time of glory. What was a needy, drunk priest in the wake of that?
“Honest?” Himmel asked as he sat on the bed and leaned over Heiter’s side, his back pressing against Heiter’s hip. His right hand rested on Himmel’s shoulder, large and warm in the slight coolness of the house. “I didn’t mind.”
“You seemed upset,” Heiter insisted, recalling the way Himmel’s eyes had looked for their absent friends. And perhaps Heiter had only reopened wounds rather than do much else useful.
“I just felt you were uncomfortable and it was in public,” Himmel said as he rubbed Heiter’s shoulder. “I know you hate sharing that kind of stuff.”
Heiter covered his face. “This is how I got my regrets in the first place.” He was going to have new regrets about saying the wrong thing.
Himmel chuckled, making the bed vibrate a little. It was like on the journey, on those nights they had to huddle together for warmth. Or when they were younger in the orphanage, and needed the same. The walls had been far too thin.
Heiter had grown into his role of a priest, a more formalized vocation that let him separate himself from others with propriety, even as he used humor and his charisma to make people relax around him. His focus was the goddess, knowledge, and prayer, not anything else. But he knew that he would miss this when it was gone.
“Then why focus on tomorrow?” Himmel asked.
Heiter realized he must have said something aloud, though he wasn’t sure what. Perhaps he was drunker than he thought.
“I’ll miss our journeying more as the days go by,” Himmel said as he gently rubbed Heiter’s shoulder. “But we’re still here, together, for the time being. Isn’t it better to enjoy it rather than think of how it’s going to vanish?” He leaned over Heiter, so close that Heiter could feel Himmel’s breath, and see Himmel’s bright eyes.
They were beautiful eyes in that annoyingly handsome face. A hero’s face.
“Or do you want more regrets?” Himmel asked, almost teasingly.
Heiter reached up and grasped Himmel’s face, before pulling it down for a kiss. It wasn’t particularly well-practiced or sexy, and probably hurt both of them if Heiter’s side of it was any indication.
When Himmel pulled back to smile down at Heiter, he said, “That’s a nice answer.” His right hand rested on Heiter’s cheek. “Though your technique could use some work.”
Heiter glared at him, as much as he could in his state. His heart was racing, and he wondered if he had screwed up or not.
Himmel laughed and said, “I could, too.” He leaned down for another kiss. This one was gentler, and a bit less desperate, but warm all the same.
It felt so natural, like this, just the two of them, even closer than before. Years of closeness. Of walking together with the familiar warmth and protectiveness. Of Himmel dragging Heiter about and Heiter having Himmel’s back in a pinch. Their journey had started together and of course it would end this way.
When Himmel broke the kiss for air, Heiter asked, “Why did I wait 10 years?” It seemed so foolish.
“I think you were busy drinking all our coin away,” Himmel said as he turned to better face Heiter. “When would you have time to worship the goddess or drink if you spent it kissing me?”
Heiter snorted and shut his eyes. “I’m too tired for this foolishness.”
“Very well,” Himmel said. “Scoot over so I can have room.”
Heiter nudged himself over, and was somehow unsurprised when Himmel squished himself onto the bed at Heiter’s side, rested his head close to Heiter’s. His left hand rested on Heiter’s right.
“We can barely fit on this tiny bed,” Heiter noted. They were a lot bigger than when they were little.
“Then that means we’ll feel less alone,” Himmel said, cheerfully. “Now go to bed. We’ll talk in the morning.”
That sounds bad, Heiter thought, wondering if he’d crossed a line after all. Though Himmel had initiated a kiss, too.
“It’s not bad,” Himmel said. “You’re just different when you’re drunk. And I’d rather kiss you when you’re sober.”
Heiter’s face heated. “I didn’t kiss you because I was drunk.” Was that all Himmel thought it was? Drunken foolishness?
“I know,” Himmel said. “You’re just more earnest like this. But also your breath smells better when you’re not drinking.”
Heiter laughed at that, and shut his eyes, leaning his head over so it rested near Himmel’s, even if it meant his best friend, and maybe more, would have to smell his awful breath. “Okay. In the morning, then.”
Himmel squeezed Heiter’s hand and stayed close. And it really did feel less lonely.