Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was the second month of 2nd grade. 

The wind blew through the town on a chilly autumn morning, with kids walking to school together; all giggly and chatty. 

Except for one little girl, her head down as she held her mother's hand while walking with her. Kang Haerin would silently watch as other kids and their mothers chatted and laughed. 

Haerin’s mother looked over to see her daughter just staring at the other kids having fun—while she was watching from afar. Her chest ached in a way, seeing her daughter so isolated from people her own age. 

“Haerin,  why don’t you introduce me to some of your friends when we get to school?” she asked gently, hoping—wishing that she could at least feel the relief knowing that Haerin has someone there. 

The little girl looked up at her mother, her face was expressionless—but her eyes were so expressive in their own ways. 

“I don't have any.” the little Haerin replied, returning her gaze to the ground as they reached the school building. 

Haerin’s mother can only feel hurt for her baby, but she can’t do anything—and it hurts to know that she can't do anything about it. 

They reached the door and she smiled softly at Haerin, “Even if you don't have any friends for now—I'm sure someone would want to be your friend.” she whispered gently and kissed Haerin on the forehead. 

Haerin’s eyes fluttered shut as she embraced the feeling of her mother's love from the gentle kiss, giving her a small smile—watching her walk away before going inside. 

She heard many children playing and giggling with each other, but no one wanted to giggle and play with her. 

They all isolated her because they think she looks too cold to be friends with, as if she's some sort of bad curse. 

Luckily no one was brave enough to bully her.

Haerin hung her backpack and jacket in her cubby, quietly making her way into the classroom and sitting at her designated desk. 

It was louder than it usually is in class, so Haerin had to glance around to see if anything was happening. 

“A new student?”

“Yeah! She's coming all the way from Australia!”

“Australia? How would she understand us?”

“The teacher said she’s mixed, so she can!”

Haerin stopped eavesdropping and stared down at her desk, a new student? She couldn't get her hopes up but she would really like to meet the new student. 

The chatter ended when the teacher entered the class, gently telling everyone to head to their desks. 

Once seated, the teacher started with the announcements. “I'm sure everyone had all heard about what's happening today.” she smiled. 

“We will be getting a new student today, she flew all the way from Australia to Korea—so please be gentle with her okay?” 

The class erupted with cheers and more chatter, Haerin could only stay silent—she glanced over at the door and could see a girl slowly peeking her head in. 

They made eye contact and the girl made the shush-gesture towards Haerin, not wanting to expose her appearance just yet. 

Haerin had to comply, giving the girl a simple nod back before going back to listening to the teacher's words. 

That was at least the first time someone had ever interacted with her in school, excluding the times when people were paired with her for the little things. 

The teacher announced for the girl to walk in, and silence crept over the class as everyone watched the new student enter. 

She made it to the front of the class, seeing Haerin—whom she immediately recognized as the girl she told not to tell anyone about her hiding behind the door. 

“Please introduce yourself to the class.” the teacher spoke to the new student. 

Danielle brightly smiled at the class, which was almost infectious as almost everyone smiled back at her. 

“Hello, my name is Danielle Marsh—you can call me Dani for short. Thank you for welcoming me into your class!” she spoke, and the class erupted into claps and cheers. 

Haerin eyed Danielle, she was definitely a mix of Western and Korean features on her face. 

She quietly clapped along as well, her heart racing with interest. 

She wanted to be friends with her—but Haerin herself knew that it would almost be impossible. 

Not when everyone says that she's bad luck to be around. 

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It was around lunchtime when all the kids were having fun, running around the playground—or just spending time eating their lunch. 

Haerin was one of those kids, she sat under the slide and silently ate her food. Her mom packed her a delicious sandwich filled with everything she loved. 

But she felt lonely, oh so lonely. 

Usually people her age would be thriving—having fun and interacting with new friends, but here she is all alone. 

Haerin moved silently, putting her half-eaten sandwich in her lunchbox and reached for a medium-sized rock she saw. 

She grabbed it and used a stick to carve a small smiley face on it. 

“Rocky,” she murmured to herself. A small smile formed on her face. If an older person saw a kid by themselves—talking to a rock with a smiley face on it. You would feel pity, because it's sad—no kid should be all alone, practically isolated from everyone else and talking to a stupid rock. 

Haerin spent the next few days just having the rock by her side all the time, even placing it on top of her desk during class time. 

Classmates noticed, but no one said anything—no one wanted to risk getting “bad luck” from simply interacting with her. 

Instead, they would talk about it behind her back, questioning why she was so attached to a simple rock. 

“Do you think the rock is cursed too?”

“Isn’t that kind of weird?”

Haerin would hear people saying various things behind her back, but she didn't care. 

As long as Rocky was by her side she was fine, because it was her only friend when no one else wanted to be. 

Their teacher would pity Haerin at times, always seeing her alone. But when she saw her speaking to a rock—she felt nostalgic. 

She would sometimes chat with Haerin during break times, maybe even saying some funny things to her rock to make her smile. 

Because at the end of the day, Haerin was only in the 2nd grade—she was just using her imagination to give her comfort. 

Danielle would watch Haerin sometimes, with interest in her eyes. She remembered that on the first day she arrived at school—Haerin was the first one to notice her too. 

She always asked about Haerin to her friends, but they would always say that people think that Haerin holds some sort of bad luck—just because she looks cold all the time. 

And Danielle refused to believe such things, she never spoke it out loud in case she might cause drama. But her heart will always stand that Haerin is a nice person. 

She would always try to find the correct times to try to speak to Haerin, but it never worked. Because Haerin was always in her own little world. 

Whenever Danielle attempted to walk over, Haerin was already chatting with the rock whom she named “Rocky” and walking off somewhere to show it something. 

It was a bit annoying, but Danielle was never one to judge another soul—that's what her parents taught her all the time. 

She just wants to at least say one thing to Haerin. 

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Haerin would always leave Rocky on her desk whenever it was time to go home, or when she needed to go to the bathroom. 

She never brought Rocky home because she would lose it easily. 

But on a Friday morning, when she already put her stuff in her cubby—she was greeted by an empty desk. 

Rocky wasn't on her desk with its usual smile waiting for her. 

Haerin quickly checked the inside of her desk and saw nothing but her work and pencils, her heart raced in fear. 

She glanced around to see if anyone had taken Rocky and hid it, but judging by everyone ignoring her and the looks on their faces like they had no clue what happened—she knew no one had stolen it. 

The teacher noticed Haerin’s distressed state and approached her, brows furrowing as she noticed that the rock that was with Haerin most of the time was gone. 

“Haerin? Where's Rocky?” she approached gently, crouching down to meet her eye level—not wanting to overwhelm her. 

Haerin was holding back tears, looking at her teacher with absolute heartbreak. She wiped them away from her eyes and sniffled. “I-I don’t know, I can’t find it.” she quietly murmured. 

The teacher pursed her lips and sighed sadly, “I’m sorry Haerin, would you want a friend to help you find Rocky?” she spoke, standing back up properly. 

Haerin hesitated for a minute, knowing she didn't have any friends—but she just wanted help. So she just nodded her head. 

The teacher smiled gently and turned to the class, gaining their attention. “We have a slight issue here everyone, Haerin seems to have lost her rock friend and she needs help with finding it. Do we have any volunteers?”

It was silent, classmates glanced at each other—some wanted to help but hesitated about raising their hands. 

Because no one wanted to get the “bad luck” Haerin supposedly carried. 

Until a single brave hand rose up, “I can help her!” the girl spoke with a smile on her face. 

The teacher smiled in relief and nodded very gratefully, “Thank you, Danielle. You and Haerin can spend class time finding the rock in the class, and the playground.” She smiled, before getting back to the board to teach.  

Haerin felt her breath caught in her throat, Danielle? The girl she wanted to be friends with so badly wants to help her?

She glanced over and made eye contact with Danielle, who was already walking over to her—with that bright smile on her face.

Danielle tapped on Haerin’s shoulder, “Let's go? I swear I’m good at finding things, we can do this quickly.” she spoke with a giggle. 

Haerin felt a smile creep onto her face as well, happily nodding and getting out of her seat and followed behind her. 

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They found nothing in the classroom, so now Haerin and Danielle were outside in the playground searching everywhere. 

Just for a single rock. 

Haerin glanced over at Danielle, watching her look under slides or nets. It seemed like she was really putting in the effort for a rock. 

But she was curious about why Danielle chose to help her, because she was supposedly holding “bad luck” so why wasn’t she avoiding her like everyone else?

“Why did you choose to help me?” She couldn't help but ask, the curiosity wasn’t hard to miss on Haerin’s face. 

Danielle stopped searching and looked back at her with a smile, “Because I wanted to.” she simply replied. 

That answer wasn't enough for Haerin, she was still awfully curious. “Everyone avoids me—say I have bad luck. Why are you doing this? Unless you just wanted to get away from class.” she murmured, crossing her arms defensively. 

Danielle giggled at Haerin’s serious questions, walking over and poked her cheek with a grin. “Silly Haerin, I wanted to help you because I want to be friends,” she answered honestly. 

She smiled at the shock on Haerin’s face, finding it absolutely adorable. “Ive been watching you lately, I noticed that you’re always alone. So I wanted to change that and be your friend! And you can’t say no.” she cheekily grinned. 

Haerin watched Danielle run off with a growing smile on her face, chasing after her with a giggle she hadn't used in a while. 

She doesn't need Rocky anymore, not after she has finally found the friend she needed. 

Danielle. 

Chapter Text

FLASHBACK

It was during 7th grade, and Haerin and Danielle chose to hang out at the swings further from the playground during lunch. 

No one really goes there, since it's isolated away from the usual fun—the playground. But they liked that spot, because that's when they could hang out with each other alone. 

“Haerin, promise me one thing,” Danielle spoke while looking over at the girl beside her—her face unreadable for a hot moment, before it went back to a softer look. 

“Hm?” Haerin responded quietly, turning her head to glance back at Danielle—reading her expressions and body language. She couldn't get anything out of it, and it made her a little nervous. 

“Never change, not for me—or even any new person you meet once we hit high school. Just be yourself and you’ll find yourself making friends too.” Danielle spoke in the softest tone Haerin had ever heard her use. 

Her heart raced—yet ached with an underwhelming feeling of wanting to hear more.  

She wanted more than just Danielle’s words, she wanted her comfort as well. 

But not when her feelings were one-sided, she couldn't ask for that. 

Instead, Haerin returned the soft smile and nodded. “I should be saying the same to you Dani, never change as well okay? We’ll be best friends until we grow old and wrinkly.” she slightly joked, chuckling.

Danielle’s heart soared as she heard Haerin’s response and rested her head on her shoulder. “We’ll have each other's backs,” she mumbled with a smile on her face. 

She reached out with her pinky and wrapped it around Haerin’s pinky. 

“Pinky promise.” She smiled widely. 

TIMESKIP

Looking back at memories from years ago was bittersweet for Haerin, because here they are now in grade 12, not even speaking to each other.

“Never change my ass,” she scoffed under her breath.  

She kicked a pebble that was near her foot as she was on her way home, staring down at the ground. Until she heard a familiar voice rushing behind her. 

“Haerin! You forgot to wait for me again!” Minji called out and held her shoulder to catch her attention. Haerin could only let out an amused huff. 

“Sorry,” she replied. “You were taking too long, even your little sister Hyein left the school before you.” 

Minji sighed and crossed her arms in defensive mode, “God forbid I take a little longer to leave than I usually do.” She spoke, brushing her hair back before continuing to walk. 

“I had something to do anyway, my science teacher made me wash out the glass tubes we used for an experiment.” She explained. 

Haerin raised a brow and chuckled, “Oh poor you.” she teased—earning a whack on the head from Minji. 

Minji and Haerin became friends in 8th grade, the first day of high school to be specific. But the way they met was a bit silly. 

Haerin was just about to enter her first period class—until she harshly collided with none other than Minji. Who ended up getting a nosebleed just from the collision—Haerin ended up having to take her to the nurse's office.  

The two got to know each other from there, and Haerin even introduced Minji to Danielle—but she stopped hanging with them a week later. 

Minji glanced at Haerin and noticed that she was in her own little world, just deep in thought. She knew right away what she was thinking about. 

If you were Haerin’s best friend for the entirety of high school—you would know she would think of Danielle Marsh 90% of the time. 

She sighed and just continued to walk, she never really knew Danielle—well she tried but the girl stopped hanging with them a week after they met. 

“I thought you said you were going to be “Danielle-free” this school year?” Minji glanced over at Haerin, who tensed at the name. 

Haerin could only sigh, shaking her head. “I tried, I swear—but she's quite literally everywhere, being so popular and everything.” Her tone turned a little bitter near the end. 

“Its been a few years since our friendship ended, but it still stings. We had a promise Minji, she broke it.” Her voice grew quiet with hurt. 

Minji could only sadly listen, her heart hurting for her best friend. 

She knew how Haerin felt because she had seen Haerin cry or complain about it to her so many times. 

She was the only one who knew that Haerin liked Danielle, more than a friend. 

It was painfully one-sided of course, so Minji tried her best to help Haerin move on—but nothing worked, her heart always went back to Danielle. 

There was a group of laughter in the distance which caught Haerin’s attention, she looked over at the other side of the road and saw Danielle with her group of friends. 

It looked like they were having fun, but her heart ached in pain. She was supposed to be having fun with Danielle.

But fate changed. 

Minji was about to pull Haerin away so she won’t feel anymore hurt—until Danielle accidentally made eye contact with Haerin, making her pause. 

“Haerin,” Minji said silently. Trying to snap Haerin out of her daze

But it was no use when the two were already looking at each other. 

Danielle felt her heart race, but she kept her gaze defiant and looked away—continuing to chat and laugh with her peers. 

Haerin’s heart was crushed once more, getting tugged away by Minji as she longingly stared back at Danielle’s retreating figure. 

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It's been a few days since that minor interaction—or would Haerin even call that an interaction to begin with?

Yet it still lingers in her mind almost all the time, the look in Danielle’s eyes had so much in them—but their eye contact was too short for her to read anything in them. 

She could read one thing though—defiance. 

Probably from what happened between them that truly broke their friendship. 

FLASHBACK

It was the end of the day, and the first week of 8th grade had just finished. But something felt wrong, utterly wrong to Haerin. 

She waited for Danielle at their usual spot, under the tree.

Haerin watched as students and classmates walked by, her eyes peeled at the doors to see if Danielle was going to come out. 

Five minutes had passed and still no sign of Danielle, the crowd of students was starting to clear up. 

Was Dani mad at Haerin? Did she leave to go home by herself?

Danielle has been acting distant lately and it really scared her, she didn't want any distance between them. 

They were supposed to be friends until they grew all old and wrinkly. 

Haerin picked up her phone, deciding to give Danielle a text. 

Left on delivered. 

She put her phone away with a sigh, she said she was going to wait—which means that she will indeed wait. 

This is what you would do when you have a crush on your best friend. 

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Seconds turned into minutes.

Minutes turned into hours. 

Three hours—Haerin has been stubbornly waiting under the tree for Danielle for three hours. She shivered as the wind blew against her. 

The crowd of students that was usually outside the school at the end of the day was gone, it was just Haerin all by herself. 

She started to check her phone constantly and still nothing. She was starting to get pissed off. 

“I told her I'd wait, and here she is—taking forever to just get out of that building.” She muttered to herself. 

Haerin checked her phone one last time. 

She felt her eye twitch in rage, and a bitter chuckle let out of her mouth. This was almost insane—the worst way possible.

Why would she leave her on read like that? 

“What is going on with you Dani..?” Haerin let out a shaky sigh and put her phone back in her pocket, she didn't like how this was going. 

Her head snapped over to where she started to hear voices about to exit the school, one in particular that she immediately recognized. 

Danielle and her group of friends exited the building after the sports club meeting ended, her eyes finally landing on Haerin—who was waiting for her all this time under the tree. 

A small—yet subtle frown showed on her face. Haerin has been annoying her lately. 

She quickly bid her friends goodbye with a smile, before jogging over to where Haerin was. “Sorry for being so late, I had a meeting at the sports club.” She explained.

She started to walk their usual way back home, but she noticed that Haerin wasn’t walking with her. 

Danielle turned her head over and curiously looked back at her, head tilted subtly in confusion. “Haerin? Aren’t you coming?”

Her voice was quiet, yet soft—just like it always has when it was just them. 

But for Haerin, it felt like things weren't the same anymore. 

There was something different about Danielle that she couldn’t pick out why, what, or when. But Haerin already had a good guess on why. 

“Dani, what's going on with you?” Haerin spoke up, her eyes desperately trying to read Danielle's—trying to see if she was mad or anything. 

Danielle felt a little annoyed, she just wanted to go home. “There’s nothing to worry about Haerin, let's just go—”

“No!” Haerin snapped, her brows furrowed in anger. “There is something wrong and I know it! Dani, you left me waiting here for hours without telling me that you had a meeting. I texted you!” 

“Thats because I was doing my club meeting! I don’t always have to update you all the time, it's not even that serious.” 

“You could’ve at least texted me beforehand that you’ll be leaving late, so I could know if I should leave without you or not.” Haerin retorted right away. 

Danielle let out a frustrated breath, she knew she was in the wrong—but she wanted to make her point clear. 

“If I haven’t left the school after ten minutes, then you should’ve gone home by yourself. You’re being irritating.” She snapped back.

She didn't wait for Haerin, just walked off without her. She was too angry to care—that was the most ridiculous argument she had ever had with Haerin. 

It was their first one too. 

The next day Haerin noticed that Danielle didn't text her good morning, nor did she wait for her at her house so they could walk to school together. 

So instead she walked with Minji, but even she could tell that Haerin was quite upset. 

“What happened? Did someone pick on you or something? Did you fight with Danielle?” She asked. 

Haerin just sighed, “The second one—I won’t bother explaining. I just know that Dani’s mad at me.” She murmured. 

The two heard laughter behind them, turning their heads and saw Danielle and her new popular friends chatting—all having fun. 

It hurt, seeing her best friend starting to distance herself from her. 

But if that's how Danielle wants to be, so be it. 

They made eye contact, Danielle was about to wave at her—but Haerin looked away and walked faster. 

Minji looked puzzled, looking at Danielle before quickly following after Haerin. 

The two never spoke since then. 

It was stupid Haerin thought, looking back on how their friendship ended. 

Was it really that serious? Probably when they were younger, but they could’ve easily fixed things if they actually talked. 

But that's her problem. 

She doesn't know how to talk to Danielle now, they’re on completely different parts of the school’s social scene. 

“What happened to wanting to stay friends forever?” Haerin bitterly spoke to herself, curling herself in her bed—hugging herself under the blanket. 

She missed her best friend. 

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Chapter Text

Danielle Marsh promised herself never to look back. 

She put on a smile and laughed with her friends as they walked down the street. She focused on their voices so she wouldn’t notice the burning gaze of Haerin’s eyes on her back. 

She didn't dare to turn around and meet her gaze—she might lose all the oxygen in her lungs if she did. 

Danielle was always aware of her past friendship with Haerin, she was always being asked about her:

"I thought you used to hangout with that quiet girl Haerin? What happened?"

"I swear I saw you and Haerin be so inseparable during elementary school, it sucks that you two don’t even talk anymore."

"You two were so close, no? It’s such a shame that it didn’t seem to work out between the two of you. Imagine all the things that could’ve happened."

Hearing the last one made Danielle’s chest hurt intentionally. It was like she couldn't escape Haerin no matter what, because she had been desperately trying to forget about everything that they had. 

She let them talk. 

She let them assume. 

Whenever someone would carelessly mention Haerin’s name to her like she didn’t matter, Danielle would say nothing—the silence deafening. 

But Haerin doesn't truly know what goes on in Danielle’s mind—even when she thinks she does. It's more complicated than ever. 

There was nothing at home that told Danielle that she was in the wrong. Which made everything harder for her. 

Her thoughts were her major problem. 

Whenever she finds herself getting too close to her girl friends, or finding herself smiling too fondly at them—her mind immediately tells her to stop it. 

"It's not normal."

Her mind roared out as she hugged her knees to her chest in her room, her fingers curling into tight fists as she tried to block the voices out of her head.

But wasn’t missing, or showing affection to someone normal? 

She squeezed her eyes shut harder, nails dug into her skin. Missing or showing affection to someone wasn’t the problem, it was Haerin’s effect on her that was the problem. 

"You’re being too touchy."

 Danielle immediately shifted slightly away from her friend when they were hanging out together.  

"You need help."

She did, she really did—but how could she get help if she can’t help herself in the first place?

Danielle would always keep everyone at arm's length while allowing a few hugs or arm links here and there, but she wouldn't ever be close to anyone. 

Especially other girls. 

Everyone had thoughts in their head that they couldn't act on, right? Because that's normal to her. 

Danielle knew that the voices—the thoughts had started way before the fight; and she knew they only grew louder around Haerin. 

It made her think that something was wrong with her, and she hated it—she wanted to be normal on the inside just as much as the outside. 

Currently, Danielle was in her room—studying for a chemistry test that was coming up in a few days. But she was too distracted.

She was staring at an old photo frame that was positioned on her desk, mocking her in a painfully bitter way.

The photo she was staring at was an old photo of her and Haerin in third grade, they were at their elementary school playground—smiling widely and posing for the camera. 

Danielle started to trace the edge of the frame without her even realizing it.

It was the look on Haerin’s face in the photo that shot a weird feeling into her chest. 

Haerin was smiling, wide—happy—unguarded, far from the look on her face Danielle sees now. It felt unfair, for her to look like nothing was going to happen between them in the future. 

Her eyes moved to look at herself beside Haerin in the photo, face bright and young—cheeks flushed from running around the playground. 

The memories were endless, and it hurt too much to even look back at them. 

She turned the frame face-down only after her throat started to tighten, they both looked so young there—but now it didn't mean anything. It couldn't. 

It wasn’t shocking for Danielle to admit that she missed Haerin; it was just admitting it TOWARDS other people, not herself, that was hard. 

Because people talked to her differently when she was alone, without Haerin. 

Ever since they stopped hanging out together—no one really asked about Haerin anymore, they just wondered what happened to her. 

They acted as if it was Haerin’s fault for their friendship breaking apart, taking sides and talking badly about her. 

It made Danielle feel guilty that she couldn't even defend her own friend when she knew Haerin would gather her courage and defend her in a heartbeat. 

Haerin was always the type to put studies first before her friends. Still is. 

But there was a time when she prioritized Danielle over her studies, and she missed it so much—seeing her morning texts, getting snacks when they met up to walk to school together. 

Yet missing her was like wanting something that wasn't safe.

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The alarm went off, roaring at her to wake up. 

Haerin let it ring for a few times, before sluggishly reaching over and turning the alarm off on her phone. 

She didn't get much sleep last night, she kept tossing and turning in her bed—eyes refusing to rest. 

She was thinking too much when she knew she shouldn't. 

But it was hard not to, knowing how Danielle still has this kind of hold on her. 

She remembered their gazes meeting each other from both ends of the sidewalk, and the way Danielle defiantly broke eye contact and continued to chat with her friends. 

Haerin noticed the way Danielle’s shoulders dipped, the smile on her face held too carefully. 

If she was affected too, then why did she look so put together?

The thought irritated her.

Because it simply wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair that Danielle could be just as affected as she was, but still be so happy—giving everyone but her that pathetically charming smile of hers. 

Haerin shook her head, she needed to stop thinking about her this is ridiculous. 

She tiredly got herself out of bed and did her morning routine like a robot, movements sluggish but automatic–her mind was somewhere else entirely. 

The water from her shower was too hot, the steam fogging up her mirror. But Haerin didn’t adjust the temperature, she let the water sting. It was one of the only things she can feel without thinking. 

Haerin stared at herself in the mirror while she blow dried her hair after her shower. 

She saw her eye bags from the lack of sleep, the lack of emotion in her eyes as she stared right through them in the mirror. 

She looked pathetic, and she couldn’t do anything to fix it. 

After Haerin freshened up, and put her clothes on for the day, she cooked herself a quick breakfast—scrambled eggs and toast, pouring herself coffee for a drink. 

She quietly sat down and began to eat, the silence only broken by the sounds of her chewing or using her fork to eat her eggs.

She didn't even realize that Minji was honking outside for her until a loud knock on the door was heard. 

Haerin walked over and opened the door, greeted by a grumpy Minji—she knew her friend wasn’t the patient type so she felt a little guilty. 

"Took you long enough." Minji huffed out, before grabbing Haerin’s backpack and headed towards her car. 

Haerin had no choice but to follow after her, "Sorry." She muttered, "I lost track of time."

She sat in the passenger seat, watching how Minji seemed a bit tense as she got into the driver's seat—starting the engine. 

Once the drive started, Haerin decided to turn on the radio. The music was an attempt to avoid saying anything she didn’t want to say—while leaning her head against the window to look outside. 

A few minutes into the drive, Minji briefly glanced over at Haerin and let out a sigh. 

"Was your morning okay?" She spoke up, her eyes gazing back at the road. She was a bit hesitant—because her friend seemed a bit out of it.

Haerin hesitated as well, "Yeah—just the usual.." she dragged on silently. 

The name sat heavy on her tongue. Danielle. 

She just clenched her jaw and stared back at the road. 

Minji pursed her lips together to hold herself back from saying something, so she just chose to focus on driving instead. 

Haerin could tell that Minji was holding back on something, but she just assumed that the topic would be brought up some other time. 

After a bit, Minji opened her mouth to finally say something. 

"You know, if you ever wanted to talk about—" she stopped herself before she could say the name. 

"Forget it.”

She let out a breath and continued to focus on the road, the silence coming back. 

The silence was almost too silent for Haerin, because usually Minji would be rambling on about the stupid ideas the members in the student council keeps on spitting out. 

She lingered her eyes over to Minji, seeing her now sulking quietly while she drove. The sight was almost amusing to see.  

Haerin knew how much Minji wanted to be there for her, and she always appreciated it with how much effort she puts in to make sure Haerin is alright. 

A small huff of laughter escaped her lips—feeling relieved that Minji was only mad for a short while. "Stop sulking, it doesn’t look good on you." Haerin spoke up. 

Minji rolled her eyes half-heartedly before responding. "Shut up, you took too long—we might be late."

"School doesn’t start in at least twenty minutes." Haerin quipped. 

"But what if we get stuck in traffic!" Minji gasped as the thought occurred to her, "I'll blame that on you if it ever happens."

The two exchanged a glance, before laughing comfortably. 

It didn’t fix anything, but for now—it was enough for Haerin. 

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They walked into the hallway once they arrived at the school, their conversation continued whilst they passed by the numerous students on the way. 

Haerin started to lose her attention towards whatever Minji was rambling on about, but she would nod and murmur replies to make it seem like she was still paying attention.

Her voice started to fade into background noise as she was back to spacing out. 

Lockers opened and closed around her, students brushing past her shoulder and muttered “sorry” when they hit her too hard. 

The air smelt like old wood and cheap perfume mixed with coffee, it wasn’t pleasant—nor was it enjoyable. 

At the end of the hall, Minji glanced over at Haerin. "I’ll see you at lunch, okay?" She spoke, snapping Haerin out of her head. 

She looked back at Minji and faintly smiled, giving her a small nod. "See you." She replied—watching as Minji walked into her class. 

Haerin watched her for a moment, before walking off to head to her own class. 

But the moment she was alone—the thoughts, the weight, settled right back into her chest. 

She decided to make a quick stop towards her locker, her fingers curling against the metal handle.

A laugh that sounded all too familiar caught her attention before the name was said. 

Her body immediately reacted before her mind could catch up. 

"Danielle—"

Haerin felt her body stiffen, but she refused to look over to see what was going on—because she knew she didn’t need to. 

She could turn, she knew it. 

But she didn’t. 

And that's what hurts. 

After a few murmurs—laughter followed, one that was far too familiar for it to be unknown. 

To Haerin, it sounded like she was doing fine without her. 

And even if that may be the worst part. 

But if she knew Danielle was hurting too..

Haerin didn’t know if she could handle it, knowing that the person she cared most for was hurting because of her. 

With a shaky breath, Haerin closed her locker shut and kept her gaze on the floor—walking to her class with brisked—yet determined steps. 

Her heart pounded with ache, the familiar laughter echoing in her ears like a ghost haunting her. 

She told herself that it doesn’t matter anymore. 

But her heart never listens. 

Chapter Text

Class was unusually boring today in Haerin’s opinion. She glanced around and noticed a few people were absent, maybe from the flu that usually occurs around springtime. 

No one was trying to disturb the teacher, no one was trying to be the class clown for the day. 

There wasn’t anything interesting happening in class, and it bored Haerin out of her mind. She was about to doze off—until she felt a piece of paper whack her head. 

She frowned and glanced behind her to see who threw it, only to see Pham Hanni—Danielle’s best friend, and someone whom she loathed the most.

She was just full of arrogance, always messing around.  

Hanni let out another one of her insufferable grins, before mouthing out "You have a bug on your face" in an attempt to annoy her. 

Haerin grumbled under her breath and turned her attention back to the lesson, but she could still feel Hanni’s gaze on her. 

Her presence was just some sort of parasite on her side, and it was irritating. 

It was hard to focus on the lesson, especially when there was an annoying girl trying to make her snap. 

Because it was working. 

Hanni would toss crumpled notes over to her desk, and whenever Haerin would open them it would just piss her off. 

You’re blocking my view with your big head.

Can you stop focusing on the lesson? I'm trying to befriend you here.

Kang Haerin, you do know who I am right?

Hey! Stop leaving these on read!

Haerin stuffed each note in her pocket, mentally reminding herself to throw them out once class ended. 

She could feel Hanni sulking behind her, and she felt a sense of satisfaction knowing that she made her feel that way. 

"Haerin, may you please answer the question on the board?"

The teachers voice immediately snapped Haerin’s attention back over to the lesson, reading the question on the board. 

She mentally cursed herself for getting distracted to not know what the answer was. 

"Uh.. I’m so sorry, I don’t know." Haerin muttered, cheeks flushing pink out of embarrassment. 

The teacher sighed and shook their head, before answering the question themself. 

"Focus next time please, thank you." They spoke, before continuing on with the lesson. 

Haerin could hear Hanni chuckling behind her, and she grumbled under her breath—swearing to herself that she will get back at her one day. 

The rest of the class passed by and Haerin hated every minute of it, all because of Pham Hanni trying to bother her throughout all of it. 

Of course, ever since she got scolded by the teacher Haerin made sure to ignore her to focus, which made Hanni sulk out of boredom. 

Even when sulking, Hanni can be an absolute disturbance. 

She can’t believe Minji—

Forget it. 

Once the bell rang, Haerin quickly gathered her belongings and left the class. But her hopes of going to her second period in peace were gone when Hanni caught up to her. 

"Haerin," Hanni placed a hand on her shoulder to catch her breath, looking over at her with a determined look. 

Haerin heard her, but she continued to walk in an attempt to ignore her—which was starting to make Hanni annoyed. 

"You do know that ignoring me won’t make me go away right?" She spoke, walking over to be in front of Haerin. 

Finally they made eye contact, and Haerin glared directly at her. 

"Just leave me alone okay? Just because you and Minji are acquaintances, doesn’t mean we are." She grumbled. 

Hanni could only giggle, Minji’s name making her feel a little giddy and she rolled her eyes playfully. "Don’t you think calling us acquaintances is a bit too formal?" She snorted. 

The look on her face was irritating, she had this smug grin and her eyes gleamed with delight. 

Haerin needed to find a way out of this conversation. 

*buzz*

She glanced down at her pocket at the sound of the vibration, quickly pulling it out. "Let me check this real quick." She muttered to Hanni. 

It was a text from Minji. 

"Curse you Minji." Haerin grumbled under her breath while putting her phone back into her pocket, she looked over and saw Hanni patiently waiting. 

She sighed and continued to walk, while of course being followed after by Hanni. 

Hanni was just chatting to her about the regular things, also spilling some mindless gossip on the way. 

She was always a loud mouth, never kept secrets to herself unless it was from her best friend. 

Noticing that she was being ignored, Hanni looked over and frowned. 

"Do you hate me because I'm Danielle’s best friend?" She spoke up all of a sudden. It was honestly the only way for her to get the girl’s attention  

The name drop almost made Haerin whirl over to look at Hanni, but she kept to herself and calmly looked over. 

"What do you even mean? You’re being ridiculous." Haerin quipped, her reply a little bit too defensive for Hanni’s liking. 

An annoyed grumble was all she could get from the Vietnamese girl, it was like she was missing out on something so obvious. 

"You’re way worse than how Danielle acts whenever you’re mentioned." Hanni muttered under her breath. 

Haerin’s ears perked when she heard that, her mind raced. 

Way worse than Danielle? Does this mean that Danielle thinks of her regularly too?

She shook her head as the thoughts came in, she just glared at Hanni in response, "What do you even mean about that?" She snapped. 

Hanni frowned and crossed her arms, "You two are just a mess." She replied. 

The reply felt cryptic, it almost annoyed her—so she just scoffed and walked off, trying to leave in an unbothered manner. 

But in reality, her heart was pounding in her chest. 

Haerin internally groaned in her head as she walked down the hall to her next class, she was only annoyed because she knew that this would be stuck in her head for the rest of the day. 

"Screw you, Marsh," she breathed under her breath and dragged a hand down her face, leaning against a random locker. 

Get yourself together Kang Haerin, you’re supposed to get over her this year. 

Her thoughts tried to help her, but it was no use—Hanni’s words echoed in her mind over and over again.

Haerin stayed in her thoughts for several seconds, before gathering herself together and continued to walk to class. 

She couldn’t get this bothered over Danielle Marsh when one of her main goals this school year was to avoid acting this way just because of her. 

She reached her class and opened the door, unamused when she saw Minji already sitting at her desk—even though she texted her that would be late. 

Haerin walked over and plopped herself down on the seat beside her, grumbling under her breath.

"Hanni told me something earlier." She murmured while resting her head on the desk, her words catching Minji’s interest. 

She perked her ears and looked at Haerin with a raised brow, "Really? Was it about me?" She replied with a hint of a grin. 

Haerin could only scoff and shake her head, her best friend was really something when it comes to people she’s interested in. 

"No, she said something.. or maybe hinted at something about you know who." She muttered quietly so no one could overhear. 

The grin on Minji’s face faded and got more serious, knowing the topic was going to be something they’re both very familiar with. 

Haerin took the seriousness as a sign to continue, so she let out a breath and continued. 

"Hanni told me that I act worse than Danielle whenever I get mentioned to her." She said, her brows furrowed in confusion. 

She tilted her head subtly to glance at Minji’s reaction. 

Minji was silent for a bit, before letting out a sigh—the gears in her head worked almost immediately when she heard it. 

"I know what Hanni meant, but this is for you to find out on your own Haerin." She murmured, feeling a bit apologetic. 

Unfortunately Haerin was being absolutely oblivious about this, when it was so easy to read what Hanni was trying to imply. 

The fact that Minji wasn’t helping her out frustrated Haerin, she hated that she couldn’t understand what Hanni and Minji knew. 

She also knew that this was something for her to understand by herself, it was just that she was more used to getting help for things like this. 

Especially if they included a certain someone named Danielle Marsh. 

Haerin groaned and buried her face in her hands, Minji reached over and patted Haerin’s back to reassure her that it would all be okay. 

It will just take time, even though the time was starting to run out. 

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Days have passed since then, and Hanni’s words were still stuck in Haerin’s head—no matter how much she tried to avoid it. 

It was like she was cursed, whenever she was peacefully enjoying her time by herself—there would always be something to trigger Haerin. 

Whenever she was burying herself into her studies, she would hear Danielle’s soft, gentle giggle echo in her head—a reminder whenever Haerin used to purposefully make a mistake on their homework to make her laugh. 

It was only funny because Danielle knew Haerin was lying that she didn’t know how to do certain questions, Haerin did anything to see her smile. 

Or when she would be on her usual jog, trying to take in the fresh air while focusing on her breathing—she would hear a familiar quote Danielle used to always say to her. 

Which would always have Haerin almost tripping over her feet and choke on plain air just from getting distracted because of the voice. 

Haerin would try to prevent this from happening by putting on headphones to drown any thoughts or familiar sounds out. 

She would even take different routes to jog around in, making sure to keep the surroundings familiar so she wouldn’t get lost. 

But of course her ideas would never work, they never do. 

Haerin could still get memories during their study sessions, and she would still hear people say familiar things Danielle used to say while she jogged around. 

She swore she was cursed, frustrated all the time that her brain was focused on Danielle almost 24/7.

Because it indeed was, even if Haerin was in denial about it. 

The fact that Haerin’s mind has recently been focused on Danielle hasn’t left Hanni’s sight at all. It was almost intriguing now knowing how both sides feel. 

Currently it was the first period, luckily the only class Haerin had with Hanni—and she was in an unlucky spot. 

The person who usually sits beside Haerin in class was absent, which meant that she was going to be sitting alone during class. 

Haerin thought wrong. 

Because the moment Hanni noticed that she was sitting by herself, she casually sat down next to her and grinned. 

"Good morning Haerin, lovely morning isn’t it?" She spoke casually, her tone almost mocking in an annoying way—she leaned back against the chair. 

As if that was her assigned seat. 

Haerin felt her eye twitch, she scoffed and didn’t reply—staring ahead at the board, watching the teacher write down things to do in class. 

It was a work day for this period, so people either caught up on missed notes—or worked on unfinished assignments. 

Haerin just read a book, having done everything already. 

Hanni noticed and took the opportunity to annoy her once again. "You seriously don’t have any work to do?" She poked at her arm. 

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I’m done?"

"When?"

"Shut up." Haerin quipped, forcing herself to ignore the girl beside her and focused on her book. 

Hanni chuckled at Haerin’s growing annoyance and went back to doing her unfinished class work, it was due at the end of the period, so Haerin was lucky she wouldn’t be bothered much. 

Haerin moved her head up after a few minutes of reading, seeing and hearing how silent everyone was being—even Hanni. 

She just assumed that everyone was focused because all missed assignments from this class is due at the end of the period. 

She mentally chuckled in her head, imagining the panicked looks on peoples faces when the teacher announced it. 

Haerin was about to go back to reading, until the school speaker interrupted everyone’s peace and quiet. 

“Danielle Marsh, please report to the office, Danielle Marsh, please report to the office.”

Haerin tensed at the name, her eyes snapping towards the speakers as if they just ruined her entire day. 

Everything was going so well, why does she always have to appear even when she’s not in the same room as her?

Hanni peeked over and saw Haerin glaring at the school speaker, she snorted and nudged her gently. 

"She’s not even here, what's the point of getting so mad?" She teased, ignoring Haerin’s glare since she didn’t find her scary. 

Haerin huffed defensively and brushed it off, "I was just curious.. thats all.." she muttered quietly—opening her book again.

She cursed under her breath when she realized that she lost where she was in the book  

Her heart raced again, feeling brief annoyance with how her heart always disobeys her when she needs it to. 

She hated how Danielle’s name was mentioned all the time. 

She hated how Danielle always leaves a trace no matter where she is. 

She hated how her heart would pick up whenever Danielle was near or mentioned. 

Haerin hated everything about her.

So why was Danielle Marsh always taking over her thoughts?

It was just a small crush a few years ago—she forced herself to accept it and “moved” on  

But she seemed to have moved on right?

Haerin bid Hanni a (surprisingly) mutual goodbye when class ended, she let out a huge sigh and pulled out her phone because she wanted to text Minji where to meet for lunch. 

But her phone was dead, which meant that she would have to walk around the huge school in order to find Minji. 

She grumbled and shoved her phone back into her pocket with controlled frustration, and continued her way towards the cafeteria. 

Haerin silently watched as students caught up with their friends, giggling and laughing with them as they chatted about their classes. 

She didn’t mind them, peeking her head into the cafeteria in search of Minji—but seeing her not there, Haerin knew where she would be. 

The rooftop. 

Haerin turned around and made her way down the hallway and slowly went up the stairs, a little bit out of breath with how many there were. 

"Do schools really need this many stupid stairs?" She breathed out to herself, ticked out on how easy she was getting out of breath. 

She jogged daily, why is she out of breath?

Maybe she needed to use the stairmaster machine more in the gym, so Haerin mentally took note of that when she opened the door to the rooftop. 

Haerin walked out and took in the fresh air, which smelt a hundred times better than the school air which reeked of cheap perfumes, body odor, and heavy cologne. 

She stupidly approached the first girl she saw, assuming it was Minji. 

"Why the hell did you choose to eat here? You are usually at the cafeteria." She grumbled. 

The girl Haerin spoke to tensed at her voice, turning around with wide eyes. 

Haerin’s breath caught in her throat when she looked at who turned around, she couldn’t believe it for the first two seconds  

She almost made herself rub her eyes to see if she was seeing things, but that would’ve been stupid  

So she chose to be firm about it instead.

"Danielle."

"Haerin..? It’s been a while."

Oh god.