Chapter Text
"W-woah! Passenger March, why did you suddenly wake up? You scared me so much that I dropped that book!"
Stelle thinks she hears a familiar voice.
"They're awake! Welt, come quick! They're awake!"
Another voice, like memories filtering through murk. She stirs, yawns.
"Waaah, you guys! Am I really back?"
Stelle cracks open an eye, wincing at the light that filters through. Her muscles ache from staying in one place for too long. She blinks away the grit from her eyes and stares up at a ceiling she recognises well.
Hey… that's the Express ceiling—
Like a switch has suddenly been flicked, she shoots up in bed with a gasp. Her mind is reeling from the overload of information and her heart pounds with hope. Could it be…?
She blinks again, once, twice. A flash of red hair, a familiar cane, a sheepish expression half-hidden by wings. She stumbles out of bed, and sees March crying with Pom Pom trying their hardest to console her. Her legs — stiff and weak from lack of use — give way as she steps forward, but before she can fall, a familiar hand is grabbing her elbow and dragging her into his arms.
"Stelle," Dan Heng mutters against her hair.
"Dan Heng," she whispers. A lump rises in her throat, as she clutches tightly to him. He smells of home.
That's where she is — home.
"We're back," March sobs. "Guys, we're really back."
Dan Heng releases Stelle, a little reluctantly, as she spins around on her heels to spot the familiar figures of her family. That lump is making it really hard to swallow. She takes a shaky breath.
Himeko smiles at her, reaching out a hand.
"Stelle," she says. "Welcome home."
Something inside Stelle — something she's been trying to hold together for over two thousand years — finally breaks.
She practically barrels into Himeko's arms.
"Himeko," Stelle sobs, as the dam finally collapses. A wail rises in her throat as Himeko's arms encircle her tightly, soft motions rubbing against her back. Himeko holds her like she'll never let her go again. "And Mr. Yang and Sunday and Pom Pom and— and— I missed you guys so much."
Another set of arms holds her, these ones stronger and gentler, as if they're almost afraid to hug her. Mr. Yang. He smoothes down Stelle's hair and takes a shuddering breath — she wonders if he's about to cry. Soon he's dragging Sunday into the group hug, and then March and Pom Pom, and of course Dan Heng too.
They all stand together in the soft night-light of the Express infirmary and Stelle realises she's home. She sinks into Himeko's arms and finally lets herself relax.
It feels like she's been running at a hundred miles an hour for an eternity. Even though she must have slept an insane amount, judging by how long they were on Amphoreus (even though the time dilation means it's probably only been a few weeks) Stelle still feels exhausted. Judging by the way March and Dan Heng stumble as they withdraw, they're probably feeling the same way.
March doesn't let go of Himeko's coat, her fingers still wrapped around the fabric. Dan Heng stands so close to Stelle she can feel his warmth. And Stelle is shaking — whether from exhaustion or fear or relief or a culmination of everything, she doesn't know.
"I think," says Mr. Yang, "a group sleepover is in order."
Stelle feels relief wash through her veins.
"Yes," replies Himeko. She lays a hand on March's head. March looks close to tears again. "Can we set it up in one of the spare cars?"
Pom Pom smiles. "Just this once! Pom Pom is happy to have Passengers Stelle, March and Dan Heng back on the Express. So Pom Pom will make an exception just for them!"
Dan Heng heaves a soft sigh of agreement, and Stelle smiles the widest she's ever smiled ever since the fight with Irontomb.
"Welcome home, you three," Himeko says softly. "And thank you for your hard work on this 'Trailblaze'."
Himeko decides very quickly to shut down any visitors, the moment she lays eyes on her three Nameless — and Stelle couldn't be more grateful.
She can't exactly deal with visitors right now, especially after learning the truth behind Cyrene's sacrifice.
("I should've done more," she sobs to Dan Heng in the dead of night. "I should've made sure that everyone could be saved from their Fate."
"You didn't know," Dan Heng says. Quiet, firm reassurences, but they do nothing to dispel the wretchedness Stelle feels.
"I should've known! What kind of a Deliverer does that make me? What kind of a Nameless does that make me?!"
"Stelle," he says softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I know you hate to hear this… and I hate to tell you this too. I wish it weren't true. But… not everyone can be saved.")
He's right, of course he is. But Stelle can't stop the miserable feeling that tends to pool in her gut, despite her happiness at being back home on the Express. The two feelings constantly war with each other, and she's become quieter, more contemplative, as a result.
She can tell Himeko and Mr. Yang are worried. In fact, everyone but Dan Heng is taken aback by how much she's changed recently — they hadn't been with her on Amphoreus and witnessed her growth (or was it regression?) throughout the long, long years.
Dan Heng knows though. He's changed a lot too.
The others don't comment on the change, nor do they comment on how close Stelle and Dan Heng have gotten either. March likes to sometimes throw in a light-hearted comment here and there, but Dan Heng always bats it away with quiet sincerity:
"You two have really gotten close huh? Dan Heng, do you sleep in Stelle's room now?"
"…after so long of sleeping in the same shared room gifted to us by Aglaea, it feels strange to sleep without Stelle."
"O—oh. Makes sense. Wow, you've really changed, huh?"
He rolls his eyes. "I'm still Dan Heng."
"Yeah, no kidding."
They eat shared dinners with their regular noisy chatter, and if someone hadn't known the Nameless, they would have never guessed that something was up.
But Stelle can tell, of course.
March speaks too loud and too fast, as if she's trying to compensate for the unnatural silence that sometimes falls over the gathering. There's a guilty look in her eye whenever she spots Dan Heng isn't eating, or whenever Stelle excuses herself too early, or even when Sunday winces as he recovers from the mental battle he had against Evernight. She masks that guilt with her usual smile, but Stelle suspects that no-one is fooled.
Then there's Dan Heng, who sometimes zones out in the middle of conversation, or wakes up forgetting who he is and what he's supposed to be doing. It scares Stelle. Temporary amnesia wasn't on the agenda for their long, long list of 'post-Amphoreus trauma complications', but it seems that the thousand year trek took a greater toll on him than anyone realised.
And then there's Stelle.
Stelle wouldn't say she's the worst off out of all of them. She thinks she hides… whatever she's feeling… pretty well. In fact, whenever she's around the others on the Express, she likes to think that she acts similar to her pre-Amphoreus self.
The real problems start when the night-cycle begins.
Stelle isn't a stranger to nightmares. They've actually gotten better since she started sleeping with Dan Heng — less intense, and less regular, which is great.
But when she does get nightmares, they're filled with scenes of death and Destruction, of Irontomb destroying the cosmos, or the Chrysos Heirs dying in battle before her eyes whilst she's trapped in the Exomyth, of Cyrene, Ego, Mem, screaming at Stelle in anger: "why didn't you save me?! Why did you condemn me to endless loops of this hell until the Finality arrives—?!"
Those ones are the absolute worst. Her entire mood is always affected the next day, and no kind words from Mr. Yang, or soft reassurances from Sunday, or side-hugs from Himeko, can cure the reverie she's trapped in.
…maybe she's not as unaffected as she likes to think she is.
Still, it could've been worse. She could've failed or died (for real this time) or a thousand and one other horrific scenarios could have happened that she doesn't like to dwell on for too long. At least she's safe now.
Lygus can't touch her here. The Stellaron is dormant. And most of all, she's not alone anymore.
(That was the worst part of Amphoreus — being trapped alone. She doesn't know how Khaslana managed to do it. Now that the whole Irontomb fight is over, Stelle's beginning to feel the effects of the 1000 years of solitude, and more often than not she finds herself moving from room to room to seek out Dan Heng or any of the others. Just to remember that she's back with her family now).
They take it slow.
A few days after they wake up, Pom Pom announces that they're going to warp to a safer part of the cosmos.
"We're heading to Planarcadia already?" March asks.
"Not quite," Himeko says. "Welt and I have just agreed that it would be better to leave this stretch of the cosmos before the memokeepers filter in. Now that Black Swan has left, we aren't exactly welcoming any more of the Garden into the Express unless absolutely necessary."
Well, there's still the memokeeper in the Forgotten Hall… but I guess that doesn't really count, Stelle thinks.
March looks like she wants to say more, but she bites her tongue and guilt floods her expression again. Stelle can guess what she's thinking — Himeko isn't stating it directly, but it's because of March that no-one wants the Garden to enter the Express, even if it would be beneficial to the Nameless.
If the Garden enters because they want to apprehend Evernight, then March would be in danger.
Stelle agrees with Himeko. It's better to run away from the problem altogether this time. They can deal with that headache once they've fully recovered from the Amphoreus mission.
"Where are we headed?" Sunday asks. He's busy writing up some recounts of the latest mission for Dan Heng, pen in hand and hair tucked neatly behind his ear.
"Just somewhere close to the Luofu. But not too near, of course," Mr. Yang says. "I don't want to deal with the Xianzhou's pleasantries just yet, and I doubt any of you want to either. Diplomacy can be… tiring."
"And you're all still recovering," Himeko adds. "The reunions can wait. For now, we'll dock at a quiet rest-stop and take some time out."
"Sounds good," Stelle says. She nudges March with her shoulder. "Time out means relaxing, right? Want to watch a movie after dinner?"
March visibly perks up at that and Stelle laughs. She looks around for Dan Heng, hoping to invite him, and then remembers he's still in the Archives, working on filing the Amphoreus logs.
I mean, I can't exactly blame him, Stelle thinks in amusement. He spent so long away from his precious Archives, I'm surprised he's not permanently locked himself in there now Amphoreus is over. It's a miracle that he even took up the offer to come live in my room.
...okay, maybe not that big of a miracle.
To say Stelle and Dan Heng are codependent now would be an understatement - they're so attached to each other it's probably unhealthy. Stelle literally can't go an hour without checking in on him. Even now, she's getting anxious just being in the Parlor Car while Dan Heng's alone in another carriage—
"The warp will commence in five system minutes!" Pom Pom suddenly shouts over the intercom. "Passengers, please prepare yourselves. And March! Don't stand up this time!"
"Awh," March whines. "But I was so close to staying upright in our last warp!"
"Pom Pom's right, March," Himeko says with a hint of amusement behind her words. "Thanks to Amphoreus' sealing, the memory currents might interfere with the warp. We're hoping to make a smooth getaway, but the Express might encounter some turbulence."
March makes a disappointed sound and then goes to sit on one of the sofas lining the Express. She doesn't look too upset, but Stelle still shoots her a grin.
"Don't worry," she tells her. "On the warp to Planarcadia I'll try standing up with you."
She visibly perks up. "Really?"
"I strongly discourage you both from doing that."
Stelle's head whips around at the sound of that familiar voice, as Dan Heng walks through the door. She's surprised to see he's in his Vidyadhara form.
What's weirder — he's got Cloud Piercer in his hands.
"Dan Heng," Mr. Yang greets. "How nice of you to join us."
"Yeah, how nice," March echoes. She leans over to Sunday to whisper comspiratorially in his ear. "This guy never joins us on warps. He's always too busy in the Archives, being boring and nerdy as usual—"
"You know I can hear you."
March, very responsibly, sticks her tongue out at him.
Stelle gives him a wave as Dan Heng walks over to her, his tail flicking nervously from side to side. He looks paler than usual. Is it just the light? Is he sick?
"Warping in three minutes! Passengers, please remain seated!"
Stelle's heart thuds strangely in her chest.
Dan Heng comes to sit down next to her, a frown surfacing between his eyebrows.
"Hey, do you think the rest-stop will have a shopping centre?" March chatters away. "Is it like a touristy place or just a regular old shipping dock? It's better not be a shipping dock — I still remember that time we got stuck on Stargazer Navalia behind all the crates and things, trying to figure out how the mechanism worked…"
March carries on talking, Himeko and Sunday interjecting at quiet parts in the conversation. Beside Stelle, Dan Heng has wrapped his tail around her waist.
Around her waist.
Dan Heng, the guy who pretty much shies away from PDA even in front of the Express crew, is wrapping his tail around her waist.
And sitting so close to her that their sides are pressed together.
"Is everything ok…" Stelle begins, her voice trailing off when he meets his expression.
Dan Heng looks like he's seen a ghost.
His lips are tightly pressed together, eyes darting as if he's readying for an attack, tail pressed so hard around her stomach it almost hurts. Stelle's only seen him like this once before — when they were walking in the corridors of the Shackling Prison.
She's about to ask him what's wrong (because something must be seriously wrong for Dan Heng to act the same as he did in the Shackling Prison) when Pom Pom's voice sounds through the comms once again.
"The train is about to make the jump! Hold on everyone!"
And Stelle's heart thuds in her chest.
It's a regular old warp jump, she says to herself. You've done this a thousand times before — give or take a few. It'll be fine.
Her mouth feels dry. She feels around the cushions for Dan Heng's hand.
Their fingers touch, and Dan Heng flinches imperceptibly… before intertwining fingers with her own. His knuckles have turned white. There's a tremor in their hands and Stelle can't tell whether it's coming from her or from him.
She shuts her eyes, like she does every warp jump… except this one is different. Of course it is.
Her heart thrashes painfully in her chest. Dan Heng's tail is still wrapped around her waist and she focuses on the coolness that seeps into her hot skin.
"Five!"
Her breath hitches.
"Four!"
"You two…" she can hear Mr. Yang say. "Are you alright?"
"Three!"
"I…" Dan Heng hesitates. His voice fails him, and Stelle squeezes his hand.
"Two!"
This is a regular warp jump. They've done this so many times before; in fact, it's such an integral part of being a Nameless that it's embarrassing for Stelle to be feeling this way. And yet…
"One!"
The last time this had happened, Stelle had—
Suddenly, a shuddering jolt rocks the entire train.
Stelle is forcefully wrenched away from Dan Heng and hurled towards the floor.
His tail squeezes against her waist, trying to pull her up, but the force must be too much because the phantom limb suddenly dissipates into nothing. Stelle's thrown onto the ground. Skidding, curling in on herself.
The wind knocks out of her lungs, like she's just been punched in the gut.
Another painful jolt as she scrambles and fails to hold onto something. She tumbles across the floor, gasping for air.
And suddenly Stelle isn't in the Express anymore, she's getting slammed against a crate, she's getting fatally speared by Aquila's wrath, she's watching blood run like rivers down her chest and thinking: 'I don't want to die, please, Dan Heng, please don't let me die again—'.
"Stelle!"
Suddenly there's two strong arms wrapping around her and dispelling the illusion, shielding her entire body with his own as the Express rattles and shakes like it's heaving its dying breaths. The lights flicker and Stelle chokes on something thick in the air — at first she thinks it's her blood (I must be dying) but then she realises that there's no pain in her chest like there should be for such a fatal wound.
Dan Heng braces himself above her, tail materialising once again and wrapping itself around her waist. Cloud-piercer lies discarded somewhere on the floor as he gathers her into his arms and covers her head, her chest, anywhere where his body can act like her own shield.
Stelle buries her head in his neck and shuts her eyes again.
"Don't let me die, again," she says, this time out loud.
Dan Heng's grip tightens like iron.
Eventually, Stelle realises that the only shuddering left is the shivers that come from both her and Dan Heng; the Express is completely still. The warp was successful.
"Is everyone alright…" Himeko says, voice trailing off. Stelle's barely paying attention. Dan Heng drags her up to a sitting position and his shaken gaze alights on her.
And then his hand is cupping her face with feverish desperation, turning it side to side as if to prove to himself that Stelle's alive. He presses two fingers to her neck, and then his forehead to her own, and then his lips to hers, shaking as he says against her mouth:
"I thought you were… I thought I was back in—"
Stelle breaks away, the adrenaline still coursing through her body. She thinks she might be sick.
"I thought I was too," she whispers.
There's a shuffle behind them, and both of them snap their heads around to Himeko, eyes wide like cornered prey. She's quickly making her way to them, while Sunday and Mr. Yang are gathered around March. Sunday's got his halo out and his tuning in hand, a look of steady concentration on his face.
"Sunday. Sunday honestly I'm fine," March tells him, shaking her head.
"Is this March or Evernight—"
"March! It's me! Can Evernight really play the part of a cute girl as well as I can?"
Stelle tunes out of that conversation, still trembling as she leans against Dan Heng. He sighs and it comes out like a shudder. Two fingers are still on her wrist, documenting her pulse.
That warp probably scared him more than it did Stelle.
"What happened?" Himeko asks gently. The others finally turn their gazes towards them — there's a soft 'huh?' from March as she takes in their pale faces and shaking bodies.
"The memoria currents," Sunday explains. "It must have interfered with our psyches - Evernight surfaced for half a second. Stelle and Dan Heng's must have been affected the most."
"It's not just that," Stelle blurts out. Memoria or not, that warp would have been unpleasant either way.
The feeling of getting thrown across the room like that, Dan Heng's phantom tail letting go, that sense of security wrenched away from her—
Dan Heng presses a hand against the small of her back: "breathe" he says. It's a plea to the both of them.
"I don't know whether you're aware," he says quietly, now addressing the rest of them. "But when we entered Amphoreus, we crash-landed."
"Oh," Himeko says softly.
"And… during that landing…"
His breath hitches, fingers twitching against Stelle's wrist. She shifts her hand so that it's holding his own.
"I died," she says bluntly.
There's a horrified silence.
March gives a nervous laugh.
"What… what do you mean you died?" she says. "Like, dead, dead? Well, no, it couldn't have been dead, dead if you're alive now but—"
"I got speared and bled out. It was dead enough that I had no pulse, and Dan Heng thought I was actually dead, and for a few months after, I lived only as memories gathered by Fuli. Then during the trial of Time, I found out about my… death, and had to go into the underworld with Castorice to retrieve my soul back from Thanatos."
March's mouth drops open. Mr. Yang mutters something under his breath that seems viciously aimed at Lygus.
"Wait," Himeko says, with a look of dawning horror."You mean to tell us, Stelle, that you died during the entry to Amphoreus, and Dan Heng saw you die?"
Dan Heng has been eerily still this entire time, but now he flinches as if shocked.
"Yes," he says quietly. "Which is why I came into the Parlor Car for this warp. I was…"
Afraid, Stelle thinks. Afraid for her.
"That… explains a lot," March replies.
Stelle doesn't even know where to begin dissecting that statement.
Himeko walks forward and crouches beside the both of them, holding her hands out. There's such a pained expression on her face that it tears at Stelle. Mr. Yang did say that Himeko had been stressing out for the entire time during Amphoreus, but it's only now that Stelle realises how much that stress must have been. The guilt is plain on her face.
"I'm so sorry," she whispers, as Stelle crawls into her arms, dragging Dan Heng along with her. "If I had known—"
"None of us could have known," Dan Heng says gruffly. His voice is muffled in Himeko's shoulder.
"And hey!" Stelle says weakly. "I'm alive now, right? I didn't die, not back then and not now. Even though the memoria in the warp made it feel like…"
She trails off, exchanging a look with Dan Heng. He mirrors her haunted expression.
"Well," Mr. Yang says, clearing his throat. "We certainly won't be warping like that anytime soon."
"Perhaps we should invest in seatbelts," Himeko says. Stelle gives a small chuckle.
"And you don't have to stand up with me next time!" March adds hurriedly. "In fact, maybe standing up isn't such a good idea after all…"
"It's fine, it's fine," Stelle says, getting to her feet. Dan Heng walks over to retrieve Cloud-Piercer, and heads right back to her side again. "There's no Aquila to smite us down from the sky here, so there's no way a repeat of that incident could possibly happen again. And plus, that wasn't even the worst thing that happened on Amphoreus."
The 1000 year separation earns top spot, she thinks, but doesn't say it aloud in front of March.
"We killed Aquila anyway," Dan Heng says, shifting back into his regular form. He's still trembling, but its barely noticeable now. "So… I suppose we got our revenge?"
"Ugh, don't even mention that fight to me," Stelle groans. "I think I still have metaphorical bruising all over my body. Plummeting down an elevator might have been even worse than dying. And the golden ocean of blood or whatever was seriously creepy. I still dream about those disembodied eyes staring into my soul."
Sunday blanches. "Miss Herta clearly left out… a lot."
"Yeah!" March agrees. "What exactly happened on Amphoreus that I still don't know about?"
Dan Heng exchanges a soft look with Stelle. Her heart has finally just returned to its normal rate, but now it kicks up all over again at the look in his eyes. Despite all the hellish events of Amphoreus, there was one silver lining.
Her and Dan Heng have now become inseparable.
"A lot," Dan Heng tells them. "But we survived. Despite it all… we survived."
"And we all defeated a Lord Ravager," Stelle adds, shifting closer to Dan Heng. Their fingers brush, intertwine. Himeko gives them a soft, knowing smile. "You don't get to do that everyday."
"And we managed to retrieve the codes of Amphoreus."
"And you can talk to animals now!"
"And I found you in the maze."
"And you kissed me," Stelle grins cheekily. "Multiple times, in fact."
Dan Heng's ears blush a pretty shade of pink, as he turns away from the others. Stelle always feels a little guilty embarrassing him like this, but it's not like it's a big secret. She's 99 percent sure everyone knew already.
Plus, a kiss or two is nothing compared to 1000 years of trekking to find her in the memoria maze.
"…I'm grateful we're back now," Dan Heng says. The train slows down almost imperceptibly, coming to rest at the terminal near the space ports.
"Mm," Stelle agrees quietly. "So am I."
Dan Heng's Post Amphoreus Log:
Thanks to multiple people's advice, including three licensed therapists (though I am still unsure how Shush actually managed to obtain a licence, much less whether its legal), I have been prompted to write a sort of recollection of post-Amphoreus events, to sift through my feelings and aid in the healing process.
Stelle's note: It's a diary!
March's note: It's totally a diary.
Dan Heng's note: It is not a diary. It is merely a draft for something I may (emphasis on the 'may') post in the Archives. Although I fear it might be too personal for that.
While nightmares are not an uncommon phenomenon for me, recently they have shifted from the fragments of my past to the all-too real incident of Stelle's death. The recent turbulence in our latest warp did not help matters, and for a moment I thought she was dead yet again. That... was a terrifying thought.
However, our family was able to help Stelle and I through our panic. After many reassurances, I find I can sleep a little easier. The temporary amnesia loss on the other hand… that is still a work in progress.
March's note: I'm sure we can find a Memokeeper to help!
Stelle's note: I don't know about you, but I've had enough of memokeepers to last me a lifetime.
Dan Heng's note: Agreed.
Amphoreus left scars on all our psyches, however that is not to say we can't learn and grow from our experiences. I, for one, am grateful for my time there.
Stelle's note: So am I. It's not everyday you get a confession from your hot dragon partner.
Dan Heng's note: And it's not everyday you get reciprocation from your… beautiful raccoon partner too.
March's note: Ugh, you guys! Get a room!
I don't want to jinx it, but I sincerely hope our next Trailblazing mission is the most uneventful one yet. And if we cannot have peace, then I'm at least hoping for safety.
That is more than enough for me.
March's note: And me!
Stelle's note: And me.
For now, I will take Mr. Yang's advice and focus on resting. It's easier when the others are healing alongside me. Amphoreus may have not left any physical wounds, but the mental wounds will still take time to heal.
Still, we have time.
Stelle's note: Yeah. After the events of Amphoreus... I feel like we have all the time in the world.