Chapter Text
Hayden knew it was coming. I mean who couldn’t. Ever since Shane had left to follow his husband to the Centaurs, the energy in the locker room had changed. He was the outcast, the one at fault for Shane being gay and in love with public enemy #1, Ilya, the one to blame for Shane not coming out to them, and the person who drove Shane away. Hayden knew it was his fault that Shane left, but it hurt being ignored by the people who he thought were his family, and it was killing him. He wasn’t invited to celebrate with the team after wins or barbeques, no one wanted to sit next to him on long hauls to away games, and funny enough he was kicked out of the very team group chat he had created.
And it was affecting his job on the ice. He, J.J., and Shane had been the Big Three on the ice, but now it was like the team had been actively avoiding his passes or just straight out playing like he wasn’t there on the ice. It got to the point where Theriault had to move him from the first line to the fourth line in order to prevent the team losing anymore games. Management was willing to prioritize the team’s petty disagreement over their captain and most importantly over their young-captain’s mental health. That’s when it all fell into place for Hayden. This team didn’t need him anymore.
He was useless. A waste of space on the ice. And the worst part was he was actually starting to believe it. Coming into practice physically drained him and soon felt like a chore, he wasn’t eating or sleeping as he should. He was miserable and began to hate the game he loved, and he had no one to support him.
So you could say he wasn’t surprised when he was asked to meet in Coach Theriault’s office early before practice.
The air was solemn and tense when he walked in.
“Have a seat Pike,” Coach Theriault ordered as he gestured to the chair in front of his desk.
Once Hayden was seated, he whispered, “Am I being traded, Coach?”
Coach Theriault sighed, “I was going to break this to you more gently, but the short answer is yes. But, in all honesty I think this is a good thing son. You look miserable.”
Hayden kept his eyes glued to his hands. “Where am I headed?”
“Ottawa”
“What,” Hayden gasped.
“Yep,” Coach Theriault replied, “and your plane leaves in 6 hours, so go clean out your locker and then head home to pack your bags. Your flight details should already be handed to you, and I’m sure someone from management in Ottawa will reach out to you soon.”
Hayden nodded along blindly as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He should be excited to see Shane again. They haven’t talked in awhile, but he was scared. Would his new team turn on him too? But Hayden stiffly got out of his chair before shaking his Coach’s hand and heading to the door.
As he was leaving, he swore he heard Coach mutter, “I hope it’s better for you over there son. Hopefully, they can take care of you.”
Hayden decided to ignore that and quickly fled to the locker room to pack his stuff. Once in front of his locker, Hayden finally let himself breathe. He was being traded. The thought had him laughing manically before he saw splotches of water hit the bench in front of his locker.
He was crying. Why? This team had treated him like shit. They trampled over his mind, and then left him there to suffer alone. So, why was this affecting him so much?
Hayden decided to push that thought to the back of his mind and pack up his stuff through the tears because he had a plane to catch. After he was done packing he took one last look at the room and wondered when was the last time he felt safe here. Then, turned around and left.
Coach Theriault was right, soon after he packed up his essentials at home and headed to the airport. He got a call from Head Coach of the Ottawa Centaurs, Brandon Wiebe. He told him that they’d have someone waiting for him at the airport in Ottawa to take him to his hotel. He also briefly mentioned that they’d like to see Hayden in the morning to get him his new gear and have him meet with the team before the news breaks about his trade. Hayden was sure he said other important stuff, but it went in one ear and out the other.
Brandon Wiebe, or I guess Coach Wiebe, offered to ask Shane to pick him up from the airport, but Hayden politely declined. He wasn’t ready to face Shane or even Ilya yet. Shane would see something was wrong and bother him until he either broke or spilled. Or Shane would have Ilya pull the ‘captain card’ to get him to spill. And, he wasn’t ready to talk about it just yet. He needed to pep himself up first. When he got to the hotel he’d call him or text him. He hadn’t thought that far ahead yet.
But, soon he was on the plane to Ottawa. It was a quick flight, only an hour, but luckily the team had booked him first-class. He was hidden and could wallow in his own despair privately, at least until he hit the ground. He decided as soon as he got out of the plane it was a fresh start, and he was going to push all the bad thoughts to the deepest parts of his mind with a lock and key.
Hayden was able to get a quick nap in before the captain made the announcement that they were landing. Then, Hayden made his way over to pick up his luggage, and true to his new coach’s words there was someone there waiting for him to take him to his hotel. It was the kind of hotel the visiting teams would stay in during away games, but it was nice. It was better than what he would’ve picked until he could find his own place. The driver helped him bring his luggage up and handed him an information packet before leaving.
Hayden still wasn’t ready to face Shane yet so he unpacked and read through the packet. It outlined the practice and game schedule for the month, a map of the arena, numbers to the coaches, team doctor, and captain and assistant captain. It even had recommendations for places to eat and things to do around Ottawa when he had free-time. After wasting another couple of hours, Hayden decided it was finally time to give Shane a call.
So Hayden took a deep breath and hit Shane’s number.
Unfortunately for Hayden it was Shane who picked up the phone. “What could Montreal’s fifteenth best player need with my Shane.”
“Hello to you too Ilya, actually it’s probably best that you're here too,” Hayden muttered, “Where’s Shane? I need to talk to both of you.”
Hayden heard some muffled talking over the phone. Before hearing, “Hayds, buddy, I haven’t heard from you in ages, What’s up!”
Hayden was silent for a few seconds, trying to figure out the best way to break the news, but he gave up and said, “I’m in Ottawa.”
“Why Pike?” Ilya asked.
“No one get too excited, but I was traded here,” Hayden jumbled out.
Hayden heard a gasp on the other end of the line, then heard wrestling on the other side of the phone, before hearing Shane ask, “Really? Why? Are you okay? How come J.J. didn’t mention anything?”
Hayden felt a pain in his chest hearing that J.J. kept in touch with Shane, but ignored him. But he pushed that aside, and said trying to hide the emotion in his voice, “Well, he doesn’t know. I didn’t find out until this morning and was so busy packing and rushing to the airport that I didn’t tell anyone. But, it’s fine.”
Hayden could feel that Shane was going to say something, he couldn’t handle hearing. So, he quickly cut him off. “Well, I’m exhausted. No one tells you how much work it takes to move your life to a different city in just a few hours. But, now that I’ve given you a heads up. I’ll see you two at practice tomorrow.”
Then, Hayden promptly hung up the phone. He already regretted calling them. He should have just texted them the news and then turned off his phone. But the damage was done. So, Hayden took a shower, changed his clothes, and fell asleep for the rest of the day.
In the morning, Hayden was up way before his alarm feeling restless. He knew from Shane that Ottawa was nothing like Montreal. They were still a young team, but they were a family. And that’s what scared Hayden, Montreal was supposed to be that for him and look what happened. He was now the shell of the man he used to be. What if Shane saw what was wrong with him and pushed him away? What if Ilya hated him more? What if the team isolated him or blamed him for what happened to Shane and Ilya?
Hayden felt sick. He felt like a rookie again going into his first MHL game. So he decided to head to the arena early. Maybe seeing it in person and getting on the ice would help him feel less blah. So, he grabbed his gear, called an uber, and was off to face his fears.
Surprisingly at 6 in the morning, there were already cars in the parking lot. He just hoped none of those were players. He wasn’t ready for that yet. He thanked his uber driver, and headed inside. There was already someone there waiting for him. They took him on a quick tour of the arena before, helping him get his new gear, and showing him his locker in the locker room. It was right next to Shane’s.
Of course it was.
When Hayden was finally left alone. He threw on his skates and decided to get some laps in before anyone arrived early for practice. He worked himself into a comfortable sweat until he saw some movement out of the corner of his eye.
It was Shane walking over to the ice with Ilya trailing behind.
Hayden slowly makes his way over to him and barely has time to brace himself before Shane pulls him into a hug. Hayden flinches slightly not used to having anyone hold him before relaxing into Shane’s hold. He really hopes the two didn’t notice him tense up. Ilya’s strangely perceptive when he wants to be. But, no one mentions anything so he must be in the clear.
Shane lets him go after a few seconds and says, “It’s good to see you man. We’re glad to have you on the team.”
Hayden nods. “It’s good to be here.”
Ilya claps him on the back, causing Hayden to flinch, and Ilya raises his eyebrow while saying, “Is good to have you, but we already have fifteenth best player. Try not to screw up.”
Hayden knows Ilya’s joking, but the comment still hurts though he tries to let it show on his face and laughs, “Fuck off Rozanov.”
Shane laughs and says, “Come on back to the locker room, most of the guys are here and they wanna meet you.”
Hayden grimaces slightly before following Shane and Ilya back to the locker room. Most of the guys are in the process of changing into their gear and talking about what they did on their last couple days off, when they notice Hayden, and it goes silent.
Shane breaks the silence first. “Guys, this is Hayden Pike. He’ll be joining our lineup from here on.” He then nudges Hayden to say something.
“It’s nice to meet you guys…umm it’s been awhile since I’ve had to introduce myself like this, but let’s have a great season and can’t wait to get to know y’all more.”
It’s silent again before Zane breaks the silence and says, “Yes, we’ve stolen another Voyageur and Holly’s best friend. Nice to meet ya man.”
That seems to break the tension, and the others introduce themselves and try to get to know Hayden a bit before practice starts. It was a little overwhelming for Hayden at first. This many people haven’t talked to him this much in a while. It was gonna take some getting used to, if Hayden could get out of his head.
Coach Wiebe came in later and introduced himself to Hayden, and they got right into practice.
It had been a few weeks now and even with how welcoming the team has been Hayden was still scared they’d turn on him, so he kept to himself. Wyatt and Zane have tried multiple times to get him to go out drinking with them, Luca tries to get him to join him for some pottery class, and Troy has tried to get him to go out and play tennis with him and Harris, but Hayden is too scared to get close.
He hurts to be alone, but his mind is worse around others. He genuinely likes the guys. He loves how they treat Shane and Ilya, but he can’t see them treating him the same.
Hayden has seen the looks Shane shoots him, whenever he turns someone done. He didn’t use to be like this. He was always one to party, get out of the house, celebrate after a win, whatever. But, now he has a new excuse for every invitation: sorry I'm going out to look for apartments; I’m meeting with the nutritionist; Maybe next time.
He also noticed the way Ilya teased him less and kept a watchful eye over him instead. Hayden knows he’s not hiding his pain well and that he’s being obvious that something’s wrong. But, he no longer trusts anyone to take care of him. He’s a coward and a freak. He knows that, but this is the only way he knows how to protect himself.
But, he knew he was gonna have to let someone in soon, because their next game was in Montreal.
It was the day before the team was set to play against the Voyageurs, and Hayden thought he was going to have a mental breakdown. Shane and Ilya were going to be picking him up in 30 minutes to head to the airport, so Hayden had some time to gather all his emotions together before they picked him up.
And Hayden must have been doing a terrible job, because Ilya took one look at him from the driver’s side and asked, “You okay Pike?” with so much sincerity that Hayden thought he was dreaming.
Hayden nodded, “Yeah, just didn’t get much sleep last night. First time playing against the old team. So, I’m a bit nervous.”
“I was nervous too,” Shane added, “the first time I had to play against you. It was really nerve wracking. I could barely sleep or eat.”
“How’d you get over it?” Hayden asked, hoping Shane had some magical cure to get over all of this.
“Ilya was there. He helped keep me distracted and let me know it was just a game and at the end of day, I was going to be okay whether we won or lost, because I had nothing to prove.”
All Hayden could do was nod silently. He didn’t have anyone like that. Anyone to share his worries with, anyone to feel safe with. Even in this car with his best friend and sort -of- friend, he was still alone. Left to suffer in silence. They didn’t know why he was scared, what he had to deal with, and what demons he left behind.
After a few minutes lost in his head, Hayden looked up to see Ilya watching him through the mirror. Hayden blushed, ducking his head and looking out the window until they arrived at the airport.
On the plane, Hayden decided to grab a seat near the back, thinking no one would want to sit next to him, giving him a chance to prepare to enter the city he ran away from. But, Ilya had to ruin that plan by sitting next to him.
“Why aren’t you sitting with your husband?” Hayden questioned wearily. “I’m not really in the mood for games.”
“Just a change of scenery Pike. Don’t get your panties in a twist,” Ilya muttered.
They were silent until the plane took off. Then Ilya whispered, “You can tell me if something bothers you. I am captain. I can protect you, watch your back.”
Hayden huffed, “What’s gotten into you Rozanov. Gone senile.”
Ilya looked him in the eyes and said, “You can push me away, but I am here if you need it Hayden.”
Hayden had to look away to keep the tears from forming in eyes. “I’m fine Rozanov, really.”
Rozanov sighed as if not believing a word he said, but didn’t try to push anymore and for that Hayden was grateful. They didn’t say anything else, but Hayden could see Ilya glancing over at him every once in a while. Then, once the plane landed, they were herded into a bus and off to the hotel. There they were assigned roommates and Hayden was paired with Shane. On away games Shane and Ilya didn’t room with each other, because the other members of the team couldn’t do that with their significant others.
Shane shared a brief glance with Ilya before guiding Hayden off to their room. Like in the past, Hayden took the bed on the left, while Shane took the bed on the right. Some kind of superstition. Hayden jumped on the bed and stared at the ceiling, and Shane sat on the edge, slowly reaching to pat his leg. Hayden flinched slightly but played it off as a stretch. He still hadn’t gotten used to the touchy-atmosphere the team had yet. “You really okay Hayds.”
Hayden hummed, not looking Shane in the eyes.
“I am here for you buddy,” Shane sighed. Then added, “Get ready we’re gonna get lunch before the team meeting.”
Hayden made small-talk, but mostly kept quiet, pushing his food around his plate. Then after the meeting some guys were going to hang out at the bar in their hotel. But Shane declined for the both of them claiming he was tired. Then, forced Hayden to shower and go to sleep.
Hayden woke up in a cold sweat, panting. Hands shaky as he picked up his phone to look at the time. It was only 2 a.m. But, he didn’t think he’d be able to go back to sleep. All of his moving around must have woken up Shane, because Shane took one sleep filled look at him and said, “Get over here Hayds.”
And Shane pulled Hayden to his chest and rubbed circles in his back until he fell back into a dreamless sleep.
15 minutes before puck drop, Hayden was scared. He saw the way J.J. and Comeau were looking at him during warmups, like a bug they needed to squash. It terrified him. He knew something was going to go down, but Hayden had to prove himself today. He had become a much better player than when he was first traded to this team, and he wanted to prove that he was useful and someone that they could keep around even with his wishy-washy personality. But most importantly, he wanted to show the Voyageurs what they missed out on and couldn’t believe in.
The first period had been a shit show. Hayden was getting checked, high sticked, or iced every second he was on the ice. It felt more like bumper cars than hockey, and many of the Centaurs had already gotten minors when starting fights trying to defend him. Even Luca had thrown pouches when someone roughly pushed Hayden into the boards.
Hayden had even heard Wyatt asking Shane what was going on and if there was any bad blood between Hayden and the Voyageurs in the locker room during the intermission between the first and second period. But all Shane could do was shrug and soon they were back on the ice getting ready to start the second period with a 2-1 lead.
Ilya had just won the face off. He tipped the puck to Shane, and suddenly they were flying toward the Voyageurs’ goal. Hayden had a perfect set-up and tapped his stick on the ice. Shane didn’t hesitate.
The pass connected.
One second Hayden was lining up the shot. The next, a body slammed into him, and he barely had time to brace before he was hurled into the boards.