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One day, Heart was walking around, thinking about how much he hated Mind. Luckily, he had a handy dandy plan to get rid of him. Step one: bring Mind to the pit. Step two: shoot him. Flawless. That said, he had a slight inkling that maybe this plan wouldn't go so well. For one, that bastard had pre-blinded him.
[“Heart, I know it sucks, but it had to happen. Source: the time loop,”] Mind had said.
He wasn't even supposed to know about that yet! Mind wasn't the one titling the songs, was he? No, it was Heart. Heart was the one who said, “yeah, it's Cacophony time,” and labelled Mucka Blucka as such. What did Mind have for that time loop knowledge? Some vague symbolism with Apollo from Greek mythology? At least Soul had a whole two songs about it, maybe more. That was a fine reason for him to know about the loop. But Mind? Nothing! Nothing at all.
Maybe, in lieu of murdering him, he could delete his Majora's Mask save. Didn't Mind know pirating games was a crime? That would show him.
Wait a minute, that gave him an idea! The Moon from Ink was technically canon to the CJCU. He could just give him a call, maybe drop it on Mind, maybe end the world. Sad, sure, but “it had to happen.”
(“Hey, Moon from Majora's Mask?”)
In space, the real phone that the Moon had rang. It picked up with the real hands that it did have. “WHAT IS IT, MARTEMIS.”
(“Could you, uh, do the thing? I kinda got a guy I want dead. And it’s Artemis.”)
“DEATH WILL FALL.” Naturally.
(“Thanks, mate. He'll, uh, he'll just be by the pit. The really big one, can't miss it.”)
“HE WILL FEEL THE COLD.”
Heart hung up. (“That went well, I think,”) he said. Time to bring Mind to the pit.
A short while of searching later, he ran into him, literally, while Mind was sitting, playing The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask. It was an accident, of course. Heart would never try to hurt Mind. Never.
(“Oh, hey, Mind. Didn't see you there. Wonder why that is. Cough. Cough.”
Mind, of course, did not take the bait. [“What is it now, you pathetic creature? I'm busy. I have excel sheets to do. Stuff you would never understand.”]
The game’s music was still playing.
(“Right, right. Because I'm just too immature to understand any of that. Well, I happened to find ten sticks of 64GB DDR5 RAM, but I guess I'll just have to sell it off of JashBook marketplace. Maybe for ten bucks each. That's a hundred dollars, you know.”)
[“You’ll what?! Do you know how much those go for with the shortage? Lead me to them, right away!”]
It was too easy. Like a moth to a flame, Mind was lured to the pit at the simple mention of RAM. He probably wanted to eat it, the automaton freak. What else would he do with them?
[“Hm,“] Mind wondered. [“Is the moon big?”]
Heart bristled. (“It’s all muscle.”)
[“No, you insolent fool!”] Mind lightly shook him. [“The moon in the sky! It’s growing as we speak! The consequences of this are likely terrible. If it falls upon us, the Earth could be utterly destroyed, and all life eradicated!”]
That sounded bad, but a world with Mind in it wasn’t worth anything anyway. (“Are you sure? I don’t think the Moon would really do that. Maybe you got a bad look at it. Look again, maybe.”)
He gave him a light push towards the pit. The lack of a thud told him that Mind hadn’t fallen in yet. Wait… wait… There one was! Not as much of one, but Mind had fallen! Or tripped. That counted.
[“Heart, the moon is literally pulling us towards it. I was floating for approximately 12.798 seconds.”]
(“I don’t see how that’s my- woah!”) Heart spun around midair. Flying was so much easier than usual. He barely needed the wings!
(“This really isn’t too bad. What were you complaining for?”)
[“I’m ‘complaining’ because we’re all going to die, nitwit.”]
Heart swam effortlessly through the sky before hitting his head on a branch. Something dropped out of his pocket. It was probably nothing worth retrieving. Probably. Everything he really needed was kept secure under his sweater, like his self and other, more important things. Well, really just one thing.
Mind dragged himself towards the fallen object whilst his legs floated behind him.
[“A gun?”] he thought aloud. [“Heart, were you trying to kill me? No, of course you were. I should have known. I would be willing to bet you lied about the RAM, too.”]
(“Uh… No?”) Heart lied. Could the Moon hurry up and kill Mind already? He coughed. (“ Hurry up! ”)
“I HAVE GROWN TIRED OF WATCHING FOOLS GROW OLD.”
Well, that was Heart’s cue to get out of here. Mind would go on and get crushed, and then he and the Moon could play cards, or something.
{“Yo! We saw that the Moon was falling, again, so we’re coming to stop it!”}
Soul? What was Soul doing here? Wasn’t he out doing… Actually, Heart hadn’t done anything to prevent this. Still, he figured that there was no way he’d ever come over here without the noise of a gunshot.
[“Link The Legend of Zelda?!”] exclaimed Mind. For the self proclaimed logical side, he sure was foolish. There was only one set of footsteps, and they were from Soul.
{“Funny story, actually. Call me the Sink or call me my…”} He coughed. {“Anyway, Majora! I have come to bargain! Either you go back to Termina where I’ll kill you, or I get rid of you here instead.”}
“TIME’S NOT ON YOUR SIDE.”
Yeah, tell him. Crush Mind before Soul can foil his plan.
“NOR IS IT ON MINE.”
That wasn’t right. The Moon was supposed to be unstoppable!
(“Stop throwing! Just kill Mind already!”)
Sink eyed him, something Heart unfortunately could not do. {“You summoned Majora to bring down the Moon?”}
(“Uh.”) Heart landed clumsily on the very branch he had earlier bumped into. He tossed a torn off stick or two at Mind, just because. (“No.”)
Technically, he wasn’t lying. He hadn’t summoned a thing! The Moon was only crashing into the world and killing everyone as a favour between friends.
{“What did I say about killing each other?”}
(“Actually, the Moon-”) he weaseled.
{“Artemis. Get out of here. You know not what you’ve woken.”} There was the telltale sound of the trident being summoned. Heart was obviously out of range for it, but it did make him wonder that was going to help. It wasn’t like he could stab the Moon.
On second thought, maybe he should get far out of the splash zone in case he did, because the moon might split into a lot more than three pieces.
Meanwhile, epic combat was taking place. Sink was shooting his trident out of a bow and dodging tear-shaped crystals falling from the sky while Mind also fled. As such, no one was there to watch Sink prevent the Moon from crashing into the earth and then doing a really cool kickflip with his trident, which was re-summoned with his Sink powers. To put it simply, he was showing off what he learnt in his Moon-jitsu class. The Moon is dead.
[“Heart, foolish creature, what were you thinking?”] Mind had his fist meet Heart’s chest, though it surprisingly hurt his hand a lot more than Heart. [“Like punching a tree, what on Earth… Why would you drop the moon? Flattered as I am, I’m hardly worth the world to kill.”]
Heart shrugged, turning to the camera. (“It sounded pretty funny. Besides! I’m seeing everything through all-new eyes.”)
[“What’s that supposed to mean? Heart, the world ending is not funny- why is the camera zooming in on you? Did you have to take off your blindfold? You know I don’t like- are you winking at the- Heart! Don’t end the episode!”]
(“Don’t worry!”) Heart smiled. (“This is a fanfic!”)