Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” - Mark Twain

“My tongue will tell the anger of my heart, or else my heart concealing it will break.” - Shakespeare

“I have a right to my anger, and I don't want anybody telling me I shouldn't be, that it's not nice to be, and that something's wrong with me because I get angry.” - Maxine Waters

***

Big Mama was accustomed to knowing everything that happened within a five mile radius of the Nexus Hotel. If a bellhop sneezed, she was informed within seconds. If a guest complained, she quickly had them dealt with. If one of her many criminal lackeys stepped out of line, she made sure they were no longer a problem. Swiftness and efficiency were the markers of both a prospering business and a robust criminal empire. The only way to achieve such goals was to have a nightmarish level of surveillance that allowed her unprecedented access to the comings and goings of humans and yokai alike.

Which is why, when the hairs on the back of her neck and along her spidery legs stood on end, she sighed in annoyance.

“Frida!” she called.

The door to her office opened without making a sound. Her assistant, Frida, slipped in, silent as a ghost, before approaching Big Mama’s desk. She gave a slight nod, awaiting orders as she stood at attention.

“Be a dibbily-dear and sweep the room,” Big Mama said, continuing to write her formal letter of bribery to the Hidden City police. “We have an intruder.”

“That won’t be necessary,” came a voice from behind the bay window curtains. 

A young woman, no more than nineteen, with pale skin, strawberry blonde hair and unnervingly green eyes, stepped out of the shadows, a playful smile stretching too far across her face. She moved gracefully, but there was an aura of discomfort about her, like her skin didn’t fit quite right. Each step was careful, calculated, as were the movements of her arms. The forced casualness was off-putting and wrong and so eerily familiar.

“Stole your mother’s cloaking brooch again, Portia?” Big Mama asked as she continued to write.

Coming to a full stop by Frida, Portia gave a sour stare that quickly melted into nonchalance. “I’d hardly call it stealing if she just leaves it out in the open for anyone to find, Auntie B. Besides, I left a note. She knows I’m just borrowing it…for an indeterminate amount of time.”

Big Mama sighed again. “That will be all, Frida.”

There was no need for subtlety between Big Mama and her assistant. Frida knew it was time to leave and she quickly bowed before exiting the office.

“She’s a chatty one,” Portia commented. “Does she get paid by the word?”

“I don’t pay her to talk. I allow her to live in exchange for dealing with problems before they become a problem,” Big Mama said with a pointed glance upward.

“Are you calling your favorite niece a problem?” Portia said in mock surprise.

The spider yokai rarely talked about her family. Most of the Hidden City was under the impression that she either sprang into existence fully formed or made a meal out of anyone who might even remotely share her bloodline. She was fine with either assumption. Back in the day, it worked to her advantage that her sister, Corsica, was on the west coast, hobnobbing with celebrities and scouting possible candidates for the Battle Nexus. That’s how she’d found out about Lou Jitsu. Though the way her sister raved about him, she had to see for herself. The rest was history. When Corrie fell for another candidate, a racecar driver of some renown, a few years later, it nearly ended whatever relationship existed between the two sisters. 

Gone was her scout and any reliable source she had for replenishing her Battle Nexus lineup. And what did Corrie trade it in for? Domesticity in Southern California? An “honest living” amongst the yokai in the Secret City? With a man named Doug? DOUG?! She could hardly stand to think of her sister wasting the best years of her long life with such a dimwitted adrenaline junkie. She’d hoped a day would come when Corrie would simply tire of the man and bite his head off. And yet, twenty some-odd years later, they remained together; human and yokai with a daughter navigating both worlds like a dancer on the stage.

It was an inconvenient stain on her otherwise pristine reputation that Big Mama was glad to keep obscured for as long as possible. Not that her niece cared about preserving the delicate balance of the world around her. Like most children, she was content to be a blight upon the backs of those susceptible to her charms, but Big Mama refused to count herself amongst them.

“Why are you here, Portia?”

“A girl can’t just visit her aunt for the hell of it?”

“Not when she’s bin-bannedabled from the Hidden City until, and I quotidily, ‘the Crying Titan weeps no more,’” Big Mama said.

“One of those Heads has always had it out for me,” Portia scoffed. “I suspect the left one. They always gave me weird vibes.”

“Speaking of vibes,” said Big Mama, “you didn’t--”

“I haven’t bitten anyone since I left California,” Portia said. “That’s why I came here in the first place. I figured, if anyone knows where it’s safe to get a decent meal, it’s Auntie B.”

Unlike most yokai, Portia’s mystic abilities manifested much later into her teenage years. Whether it was due to the human side of her DNA or just the consequences of being a late bloomer, Portia’s unique physiology had gifted her an exceptionally frightening ability to affect the emotional state of whoever she bit. Said bite then produced an insatiable appetite in the girl for the chemicals produced by those emotions. Serotonin, dopamine, adrenaline, and oxytocin were delicacies on par with caviar, foie gras, and uni. It was manageable most of the time, but teenagers weren’t exactly known for being models of decorum. Hormones were like catnip to Portia and she’d feasted her way through a good portion of the Pirate Bazaar before the Council of Heads banned her from the city.

And here she was, taking advantage of her “favorite” aunt to cause and avoid trouble simultaneously. Big Mama would be irate if she wasn’t also impressed by the audacity. In a moment of serendipity, there was a ding on her phone. An update on the current whereabouts of her Snuggle Muffin Beefcake’s pesky progeny. Out on the surface, it seems. Most likely performing some manner of heroics.

Perhaps this was an ideal opportunity to provide Portia some supper.

Sharing that same too wide grin, Big Mama said, “I know just the pin-pangled-place, my dear.”

***

“Donnie, what's the time?” Raph shouted as he tossed a beefed up silverfish to the side. 

Ducking under a wayward fish sent sideways by Mikey, Donnie tapped at his tech gauntlet. “17:17 and twenty-four seconds post meridiem.”

“WHAT?! We were supposed to be at April’s by 5pm!” Mikey exclaimed as he pinwheeled through a cluster, smacking silverfish in different directions across the construction site. There was the distinct sound of something loosening, but three out of the four turtles seemingly ignored it. “We’re twelve hours late!”

Donnie contemplated letting his little brother live in the world he’d concocted in which they’d left the lair at 4:30, got waylaid by a silverfish alert, and ended up time traveling twelve hours into the future. To be fair, it wasn’t any stranger than CJ’s arrival or half the things they’d dealt with over the years, but the softshell didn’t feel like wasting his energy on the amount of sarcasm he’d have to utilize that would inevitably go over the box turtle’s head.

“That’s what I said, Angelo. 17:17 is 5:17pm,” Donnie explained. 

“Which means we’re still late, Leo,” Raph said, the warning tone of his older brother voice coming through loud and clear. 

The glare he had pointed at the slider was unceremoniously interrupted by a silverfish crashing into the back of his head. It wouldn’t have bothered Raph so much if it didn’t come from the right, the blindspot created when he ripped the Kraang spawn from his eye and destroyed his peripheral vision. He directed the glare, now with extra fire, at his youngest brother who immediately realized what he’d done.

“Sorry,” Mikey said, sheepishly.

With a huff and a deep breath to calm himself, Raph did the only mature thing an older brother could do when wronged. He grabbed the silverfish and chucked it at his little brother. Mikey managed to swat it away, but the message was loud and clear.

“Relax, Raph-a-doodle,” Leo said as he sliced through two fish and knocked another one away with his foot, “we've got plenty of time. Some quick heroics before dinner will extra impress the ‘rents. Trust me. Donnie! Get a picture of me and the silverfish pile!”

Truly, it was an auspicious evening for their family. After years of waiting and waiting, tonight was the night April was finally going to introduce her parents to the Hamato clan. When she’d announced her intentions a few nights back, it took some convincing from both her and Mikey that this wasn’t another elaborate scheme involving Baron Draxum. After double and triple checking the goat-man’s schedule and subjecting Mikey to a foolproof method of lie detection - dangling his favorite Jupiter Jim comic and its direct to DVD adaptation over a vat of acid - the turtles and Splinter were convinced the plans were genuine and joined in the excitement of helping April craft the perfect family meet and greet.

In a post-invasion New York, it wasn’t like the O’Neils could be entirely shocked by the appearance of four mutant turtles and their rat father, but trying to predict anyone’s reaction to anything was a lesson in futility. All they could really do was put their best foot forward and try to be as acceptable as possible. It wasn’t like April’s parents didn’t know about them. Technically, they knew April had been hanging out, sleeping over, and talking incessantly about her friends and their dad for years. They must’ve heard their voices at some point whenever April was shouting at them over the phone. The last step was just visual confirmation, putting faces to names and memories that would hopefully endear them to April’s parents. Or, that’s what they hoped would happen.

The plan was simple: dinner at April and Sunita’s apartment. Sunita insisted on staying with her folks in the Hidden City tonight so they wouldn’t have to go into the differences between mutants and yokai or mention yokai at all. This was just about gauging the O’Neils’ reactions to the not-so-normal life of their daughter and the far from normal Hamatos. But they couldn’t exactly do any of that if they didn’t get to April’s apartment to help her set up and get dinner ready. 

Raph was trying to be better about critiquing Leo’s style of leadership. They understood each other better since the invasion and Leo was definitely stepping up in ways that made the snapper’s heart soar with pride. He was listening to his team, talking through his plans, and Raph could see the great ninja he was becoming starting to peak through. Unfortunately, they were on a time crunch tonight and their detour chasing off silverfish, at Leo’s insistence, was pushing Raph’s last good nerve. April needed them and despite Raph’s increasingly pointed reminders about getting to the apartment early, Leo still waited until the last minute to get them out the door. 

Raph was fine with not immediately portaling over, he loved the rooftop run through the city during patrol, but the second Leo steered them towards one of the many construction sites of New York was the second Raph could see his little brother’s showmanship override his sense of urgency. It’s not that Leo didn’t want to make a good first impression, it’s that his method of doing so put their team at risk of not being able to help April like they promised. Tonight was important and the last thing Raph wanted was to screw it up.

“We’ve got plenty’a pictures to show ‘em, Leo,” Raph said as he ran a silverfish through with his sai. “We’re done. Let’s go.”

“Fine, Mr. Spoil Sport,” Leo pouted. The red eared slider glanced over by the partially built building, eyes landing gleefully on a final swarm. “Hey, Mikey, time for a baja blast speedrun!”

“Aw yeah!” Mikey shouted.

“Guys, wait! The building’s--” Raph shouted, but there was no stopping them.

Leo rushed ahead, opening a portal as Mikey brother-balled himself into the silverfish. The smaller mutants scattered like bowling pins, some of them falling into Leo’s portal by accident. As the stragglers tried to flee, the box turtle called upon his ever-growing ninpō and mystic powers, adjusting the chains of his nunchaku into fiery whips that snagged the silverfish as they ran. There was no avoiding the impact of chains knocking against the building’s support structures as each whip-like appendage gripped the silverfish tightly and forcefully dragged them, their metallic claws scraping against concrete and steel. Mikey quickly deposited the remaining creatures into the portal, satisfied that Leo was sending them somewhere appropriate and definitely not to the bullpen of the Hidden City police like last time.

Raph and Donnie watched the whole display with matching expressions of irritation at their brothers’ antics.

“You were gonna say something about the building’s structural integrity, correct?” Donnie asked as he leaned against his tech-bo.

“Yup.”

“Wanna take bets as to which one gets horribly crushed by falling debris and their own hubris?”

“Nope.”

“Spoil sport,” Donnie grumbled. The sudden burst of noise from his gauntlet dragged him from his ire. The holographic readout turned green and yellow almost instantly as April’s panic button sounded off with an all caps message of WHERE ARE YOU GUYS OMG WHY AREN’T YOU HERE I’M ABSOLUTELY GONNA KICK Y’ALL’S ASSES INTO NEXT WEEK IF YOU’RE NOT PORTALING THROUGH THE FLOOR IN THE NEXT FIVE SECONDS!!!!!

Raph, by proximity alone, saw April’s message. He sighed, pinching his snout as he shouted, “Okay, that’s it, baja bozos! Wrap it up! We gotta -- OW!”

“What?!” Donnie said, immediately assessing his oldest brother’s painful cry.

It was like a needle had struck him on the back of the neck. The pain was sudden and sharp  until it spread like millions of spiders crawling up and down his body. It was followed by a rolling wave of heat, then a thrumming in his veins so loud he could barely hear anything beyond the sound of his own rapidly beating heart. Raph wasn’t unaccustomed to pain. He’d lived with and experienced quite a lot in his seventeen years, but this felt different. It lingered, gnawing at him as it burrowed beneath his scales. A growl released before he could stop himself, which caused a second wave of heat and embarrassment. He always tried to keep those animalistic responses under wraps. They never led to anything good and he couldn’t risk a Savage episode. Not tonight. Any night but tonight.

“Raph? Raph, are you okay?” Donnie asked, his brother’s voice breaking through the muffled barrier that had swallowed his senses. In the moment, he could see Donnie’s raw concern, a rare glimpse of vulnerability Raph was ashamed to have elicited.

“Something…I think something bit me?” Raph said. He felt light headed as his pulse thundered in his tympanum.

“That doesn’t quite narrow things down, big brother,” Donnie said as he started tapping against his gauntlet. “New York has myriad species of bees, wasps, hornets, bed bugs, horseflies, spiders, mosquitos, midges, et cetera, et cetera, that could be responsible for--”

The timing couldn’t have been worse. They both heard the crunch and snap of something breaking within the bones of the building. Mikey and Leo’s cries of celebration turned into cries of panic as debris began to fall. Raph wasted no time, flicker-stepping away from Donnie before throwing himself into their brothers as a cement mixer and a handful of concrete blocks plummeted to the ground. The crash was loud enough to wake the dead and would most definitely draw the attention of the NYPD.

As the dust settled, Donnie slowly watched Raph’s spiky silhouette come into view along with the bright red of his ninpō construct. On either side of the snapper was a younger brother clinging to his plastron and shell, their fearful eyes staring up at Raph in apology.

“Uh-heh, if you think about it, we’re actually doing the construction crew a fav--” Leo started.

Raph didn’t fight it this time. The red-clad turtle’s response was a low, warning growl as his ninpō dropped.

“Yeah, no, that’s a valid concern, Raph. Thanks for the - thanks for the feedback,” Leo said. The boys picked themselves up, though Raph was slower to stand as another sharp pain spiked the back of his neck. The heat was intense, like a pot of boiling water bubbling higher and higher.

Great, now I’m gonna be knocking back painkillers all night because my stupid brothers put themselves in danger - again - and I had to bail them out! Again! Last thing I need is the O’Neils askin’ questions and thinkin’ ‘bout if April’s in danger all the time because I’m covered in bruises! We should be at the apartment already, but noooooo, why would we listen to Raph?!

“Raph, you okay?” Mikey asked.

Like you’re actually concerned. If you cared, you wouldn’t constantly put yourself in danger so I have to come in and pull your asses out of the fire you started. Not like you’d thank me anyway. Just another way to say I’m too overbearing, too overprotective.

“I’m fine,” Raph snapped, though he regretted it immediately when Mikey flinched. He sighed, rubbing his neck. “Sorry. Let’s just get to April’s, aight?”

Nodding in agreement, Leo took a slice through the air with his katana and created a direct portal to April’s apartment. Raph waited for Mikey and Donnie to walk through before stepping forward, only for Leo to grab his arm.

“Look, Raph, I’m--”

“Later, Leo,” Raph said, pulling his arm away. “Let’s just get through tonight. It’s important to April that everything goes perfect.”

Leo hesitated, studying Raph in that way that made the older turtle squirm like he was being examined under a microscope. The irritation he’d been feeling since they left the lair slammed against his scales, clawing at the thick layers with all the intention of lashing out.

Ya always think ya have me figured out, don’t ya? Like I’m the easiest book to read in the kids section of the library! You and Donnie must love tradin’ notes ‘bout me bein’ a dumbass!

“C’mon, we don’t got time for this,” Raph said.

“R-right,” Leo said. He followed Raph through the portal, closing it with barely a thought.

From the rooftops, Portia watched them go. Her little spider form had always been her greatest advantage when prepping meals. The big mutant turtle Auntie B directed her towards, Raph, was kobe beef ready to be seared in the pan. He just needed a little seasoning to achieve perfection. She felt her mouth salivating in anticipation as her tongue searched for the lingering taste of him after the second bite.

“You were right, Auntie,” she chuckled to herself. “This is a meal worth waiting for.”

***

“OH MY GOD, WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!” was April’s initial greeting once the portal closed. Splinter, oddly enough, was already there lounging on the one comfortable chair in what could generously be called the living room. The television Donnie had supplied as a housewarming gift was already playing some of their father’s favorite commercial compilations.

Still finds a way to be early and lazy at the same time. I’m gonna bend over backwards and he’s gonna sit there the whole time but I’M the one who’s too much! Who put the time in? Who looked after what needed looking after? Why does he get to choose when to be our dad? How come April only got the best of him?

Raph shook his head, trying to banish the intrusive thoughts that insisted on creeping in at an accelerated rate. He couldn’t even blame Mind Raph as his go-to conscience/sounding board was strangely absent. He looked away from Splinter, surveying the apartment.

“Sorry, Apes, there was this silverfi--”

“I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW MUCH I DO NOT CARE, LEO! DONNIE, THE STOVE ISN’T WORKING!” April shouted, seemingly unable to control the volume of her voice.

“Not the stove!” Mikey cried. “It’s the key appliance to my special pizza spaghetti extravaganza!”

“Not if Donnie doesn’t get his act together and FIX IT!” April yelled. Before the softshell could respond, April picked him up and threw him into the sliver of space that counted as a kitchen. The rest of the room was taken up by a larger than necessary dining table big enough to seat their whole family plus the O’Neils. Scoping out the setup, Raph tried to figure out where would be the best place for him to sit so he wouldn’t scratch the walls or the table or the floor.

It was an old habit at this point, scoping out a place where he fit. Every time they’d entered April’s home as kids, Raph tried his best not to leave any marks behind for fear her parents would find and question the sudden appearance of scrapes and scratches in their previously unblemished home. He didn’t always succeed, which left his younger self in an anxiety-induced spiral of fear for days on end as he anticipated the loss of April as a friend as well as the discovery of his family by humans with less than kind intentions. Suffice it to say, there was a reason April usually came to the lair instead of the other way around.

Landing perfectly in front of the stove, Donnie affixed his goggles over his eyes and got to work; spider arms working in tandem to facilitate a smooth diagnosis of the problem.

“Never fear, stove 2.0 is on the way! Prepare the appropriate amount of praise and awe for my application of skill and grace under pressure!” Donnie announced, ignoring April’s defeated sigh.

“I brought your good pants and sweaters,” Splinter said. “They are in April’s room so be sure to change before dinner.”

“I can’t wait to show off my pleated khakis and beige sweater combo!” Mikey exclaimed as he rushed for April’s room.

“Ya know, I’d say he’s got the most boring color palette but the orange really makes it pop!” Leo said.

“Better not be gettin’ any sauce all over those clothes,” Raph muttered under his breath. Leo playfully elbowed him in the plastron.

“You worry too much, Raffleupagus!”

Like you know what it means to worry. All I got are worries. My whole life’s been nothing but worries. Bein’ calm is a luxury the rest of you have because I do all the worrying for this family.

Raph rubbed his neck, feeling another lingering sting. He could’ve sworn he felt something else, like a lump starting to form, but he didn’t have time for that. They had to get the place ready and standing around wasn’t going to accomplish anything.

“April, where’s Mayhem?” Raph asked. “I could take ‘im outside for a bit before dinner.”

“Oh, he already went out for walkies,” April said as she started inspecting the state of some of the contents of the fridge. “Should be back right about…”

A surge of mystic energy ending in a POP of blue light found the little yokai seated imperiously on the dining table. A smell like sulfur settled in the room before April quickly sprayed it down with a peach crumble air freshener.

“Hey, lil’ buddy, how ya--”

Mayhem made quick work of Raph’s face, scratching ferociously until he was satisfied enough to walk away. He could hear Leo trying to stifle his laughter. Even April and Splinter were having a light chuckle at his expense.

Just a big joke to everyone. Why don’t we prank him again and bring his biggest fear into our home because it’s so damn funny to see him squeal! Big guy crying! Ha ha ha! Or we’ll watch his big, stupid face get scratched up over and over no matter how hard he tries to be decent towards a snotty little piece of--

“I’m gonna get the vacuum,” Raph said gruffly. He had to do something to take his mind off of everything. Normally, he’d find solace in his room or meditate under the greenhouse cherry tree, but he couldn’t bail tonight. He had to find his calm without his usual tools. There was no room for error tonight. He had to be perfect for the O’Neils. The last thing they needed to see was a scratched up, spiky, six-foot mon-mutant turtle with barely contained anger issues hanging around their daughter. Whatever was happening in his head, he needed to keep it on lockdown.

Raph spent far longer than was necessary vacuuming an apartment that was already pretty clean by the time he and his brothers arrived. Even as he did, he could feel how small the place was as he tried to avoid walls and furniture with his spikes. Every step felt like traversing a soft mine field of carpeting and stucco that could easily show wear and tear if he wasn’t careful. It was muscle memory now, his body angling around obstacles with his senses on high alert for soft bodies he could accidentally hurt. It was the first skill he’d learned on his way to becoming a ninja before their father even entertained the idea of training them. Being aware of his surroundings and understanding the space he occupied required focus and discipline if he wanted to keep his brothers safe since he was the most likely to hurt them if he faltered.

Never let your guard down, Red. Your brothers need you to protect them so you have to be aware of your surroundings. You’re bigger than them. Stronger than them. Spikier than them. You’ll hurt them if you’re not careful. But I did. I was so careful and I still hurt them. What was the point of all that training and worrying if I still hurt them, Dad?!

In the time he’d spent cleaning, Mikey and Leo had changed into their good clothes, looking dapper as always. Donnie was still working on the stove, so Mikey occupied himself with setting the table, which now included napkins folded into swans. Leo, lacking anything to actually do, seated himself on the couch - while Raph had it lifted above his head to vacuum beneath - and proceeded to scroll through his social media feed. Raph was tempted to join him and their dad, but he couldn’t let himself be useless. He needed to make sure the night went smoothly. This was so important…to April.

Stowing the vacuum in the closet, Raph made his way over to Mikey. The box turtle had just finished a napkin swan and was moving on to the next. There was only the slightest tremor in his hands, a testament to the work the youngest had put into recovering from the strain of using his mystic powers to bring Leo back from the prison dimension. Raph had tried to help as much as possible, offering up stretches and exercises to build strength while making sure Mikey adhered to a schedule that didn’t overtax him to the point of doing more damage than good. Finding a balance had been difficult, especially with Mikey complaining about being coddled and babied while also relishing in the attention he received from his brothers. The emotional whiplash left Raph racking his brain most nights for answers as to why his youngest brother was so quick to fight him every step of the way.

I know you want me to back off, but I can’t risk it. What if you’re in trouble and I’m not there? What if you get hurt and I’m too late to save you? It’s not about trusting you to be a badass ninja. I know you are. I see it everyday. But you’re also impulsive and unpredictable and I’m scared you’ll do something I can’t fix. How dare you say I can handle it and then glare at me for trying to do the thing you rely on me for?

He desperately tried to push through the haze of unhelpful thoughts as he approached his little brother.

“Hey, big man, need any help?” Raph asked, placing a soft hand on Mikey’s shoulder.

There was a few seconds of hesitation followed by a barely audible sigh. What was that about? Did he say it the wrong way? Did Mikey think Raph thought he couldn’t make napkin swans on his own?

Why can’t I just help you?!

“Um, sure, Raph, why don’t you make a swan with me!” Mikey said, perking up as he continued talking. Raph couldn’t be sure if his youngest brother was psyching himself up or if he was genuinely happy to let him participate and it bothered him that the line between the two was so thin.

I’m taller than you by two feet but you make me feel so small!

Raph gingerly took the seat next to Mikey as his brother passed him a cloth napkin. Picking up the square of fabric, Raph quickly noted how small it was in his much larger hands; hands with thick fingers unsuited to delicate work.

“Just follow me, Raphie,” Mikey said encouragingly. The youngest Hamato began to fold and crease the napkin, his movements fluid and confident like he’d done it a thousand times. Technically, he had. Origami figures in varying stages of completion littered the lair for years as Mikey perfected his technique enough to branch out into his own creations.

You used to make me origami animals all the time when we were growing up. Why’d you stop? Did I destroy too many of them with my spikes? Do you still make them for everyone else? Am I outta the loop again? Have I ever been in the loop? Do you resent me for being in charge? I was just doing what needed to be done. I didn’t want the responsibility either but someone had to step up!

Raph tried his best to follow along, but it quickly became clear how much of a hindrance his larger fingers were to achieving the same aesthetic. He folded and creased like Mikey, but the lines weren’t nearly as straight and the pieces didn’t quite fit together. The end result was a haggard looking bird with oddly bent tail feathers. If swan napkins could tell war stories, then Raph’s would give children nightmares.

“Well…it definitely has character,” Mikey said, a hint of laughter in his voice. He was trying to put a positive spin on it, but Raph could read between the lines.

It’s ugly. Your stupid hands make ugly things!

“Yeah, this was prolly a mista--I’m gonna go see if Donnie needs anything,” Raph said. The snapper abruptly stood, abandoning his creation for Mikey to do what he wanted with it. Maybe he’d fix it and make it look like the other swans. Or, maybe he’d leave it as an example to the O’Neils of how awful he was at arts and crafts in comparison to his baby brother.

They’ll just laugh at it. They’ll look at me with pity. Poor thing can’t even make a damn napkin into a swan. What a joke. Not like these perfect specimens made by Michelangelo! Ha ha ha!

“Donnie! Need another set of hands?” Raph asked, flinching at the desperately chipper tone even he could hear in his own voice. Kneeling by the open cabinets, he waited for his younger brother’s answer.

Donnie hesitated just like Mikey. There was no sigh, but it took the softshell a bit longer than Raph was comfortable with to pull himself out of the wiring and cabinetry to give his brother an apologetic look.

“Sorry, big guy. Under normal circumstances I’d welcome your…specific brand of help but I’ve got to get this thing working ASAP and--APRIL! Where’s your breaker box?”

“Down the hall!” April shouted back as she stepped out of her room. She was dressed in her nicest green sweater with yellow leggings and strap-on heels. Little turtle earrings sparkled in the dim light though there was zero time to compliment her as she got into it with Donnie. “Tell me you don’t need to mess with it.”

“…I don’t need to mess with it, he said convincingly,” Donnie repeated. April sighed, loudly, knowing exactly what was coming. Donnie stood stiffly in place, waiting for the right moment to leave. When that moment didn’t arrive, he simply walked away and headed for the door.

“Donnie,” April said in a warning tone.

“Two minutes tops,” Donnie said. He was almost out the door when he stopped and leaned back in. “Also, don’t plug anything in. Maybe unplug everything. Keep the toaster away from the bathtub.”

And he was gone.

He didn’t want your help. Prolly too dumb to understand what he’s doin’ anyway. Not like he ever thought you were smart to begin with. That’s why he tried to make your brain more like his. That’s why he gave you that helmet. You don’t think, Raph! Why don’t you ever think!?

Okay, this didn’t feel normal. Why was he getting so upset over everything? He should be able to find his calm but the irritation and anger refused to die down. These issues were things he’d already dealt with, so why was his brain dwelling on things that had been resolved. They were resolved, right?

“Hey, April, I think I might need to--”

“I know it doesn’t look doable right now, Raph, but it’s gonna be fine. Everything will be fine. Donnie will fix the things. Mikey will make dinner. My parents will show up and love you and it will be fine. Just fine…Right?”

She turned to him, eyes seeking reassurance. It was a familiar dynamic, his siblings looking for his approval, his confidence that things would be okay. It didn’t matter how Raph actually felt. It only mattered that he boosted them higher.

This isn’t about you, Raph. It’s never about you. This is about what April needs. It has to work because if it doesn’t…Everything will be fine.

He placed his hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently.

“It’s gonna be perfect, April,” he said, his snaggletooth on full display for extra oomph. April loved it when his snaggletooth showed; ever since they first met. He felt her hand cover his, as much as it could, giving a little squeeze back.

“Thanks, big guy,” she said. As Raph lifted his hand, he felt the snag of fabric on his scales. He’d pulled a thread from April’s sweater and they both saw the damage grow as the thread refused to unhook itself. As careful as he tried to be, Raph’s baseline strength made even the slightest tug feel like a powerful heave. The sweater didn’t stand a chance.

“Sorry! April, I’m so--”

“It’s okay, Raph,” April sighed, unable to hide her disappointment. She stared at the pulled thread hanging off her shoulder and the hole created in its wake. “I’m gonna check if Sunita has a sewing kit in her room.”

“Ooh! I can help!” Mikey said, rushing off to follow.

“I…okay,” Raph said, letting her go.

Idiot! Stupid! Stupid! Why did you do that?! You ruined her nice sweater! She only wears it on special occasions and you ruined it with your stupid, dumb rough scales! Why didn’t you smooth them down earlier? If you’d thought ahead to moisturize, then this wouldn’t’ve happened but you didn’t think! You never think and now April’s going to be sad and her parents will notice and they’ll ask why she’s upset and she’ll tell them and they’ll look at you like the big stupid idiot you are! How could you do this--?!

“Raph? You okay, bud? You’re sweating, like, a lot,” came Leo’s voice cutting through the fog. Raph had made his way over to the wall by the couch without realizing it, standing in one of the few spots where he couldn’t scratch anything. Though he understood what Leo said, he wasn’t as bothered by the sweating as he was the pace of his heartbeat or the ache in his clenched fists and jaw.

Something was wrong. Something was really wrong. He needed to…he needed to do something to stop this. Get away. Calm down.

No, you need to suck it up and make sure you don’t make tonight worse than you already have! You know what’s on the line! They don’t get it! They don’t understand why this is so important! You can’t let them screw it up and you can’t let you screw it up!

“Uh…oh, yeah, prolly just nerves,” Raph said as he wiped his forehead and forced a crooked smile.

Leo looked at him with that same discerning gaze. The slider sniffed the air, trying to determine whether there was a hint of lying stink. Fortunately, April had been spraying a lot of peach crumble air freshener around, which seemed to mask whatever odors Raph was giving off. With nothing to corroborate his suspicions, Leo settled on keeping a permanent look of skepticism on his face.

“Okaaaaay, but--”

“I’m-I’m gonna go put on my clothes! Be - um - be right back!” Raph said, running off before Leo could say anything else.

Ducking into April’s room was the easy part. He felt his stomach drop when his eyes landed on the oversized pants and red sweater laid out on the bed. He’d been dreading this part all night. Normally, he didn’t put a lot of thought into whether or not his spikes would damage clothes meant for humans. It was a fact of life for Raph that he was going to tear through fabric and stitching no matter how carefully he attempted to slide a hoodie over his shell or lift a pant leg above his knee. Anything he wore that hadn’t torn thus far was due to padding and reinforced fabric, but that took time to engineer, something they didn’t have enough of between April announcing her intentions to introduce her two families and the night of the event. Even if they’d had plenty of time to ensure Raph’s clothes were rip-proof there was no guarantee the clothing wouldn’t tear anyway.

Thankful he’d closed the door, Raph sat on the floor, trying to gain his bearings. He was breathing too fast, his heart was making a valiant attempt to escape from his chest, he was shaking all over, and sweat continued to gather along his scales. The slightest movement caused a spike of pain and heat on his neck. He reached up, hoping to alleviate the problem only for his fingers to brush up against a sizable lump just below the base of his skull.

Was it a reaction to the bug bite? He’d never reacted this badly before. He was only allergic to peanuts. How noticeable was it? Could anyone see it?

They’re not paying attention to you. They never pay attention to you until it’s too late. You put everything on the line to stop the Shredder and they never once saw that you were hurting until you had to literally shout it at them in the treetops. Leo didn’t see how scared you were until you were turned into a Kraang zombie and nearly killed him! You might as well cover it up with the clothes. At least the O’Neils won’t see it. That’s the only thing that matters.

Determined to salvage the night, Raph stood, swaying as a wave of lightheadedness washed over him. More deep breaths - in and out - pushing through the fear and the wrongness of the situation. The dizziness passed and he picked up the dark brown slacks and belt. He managed to get his left leg in without issue. Pulling as softly as possible at the waistband, he gave himself some room to get his right leg in, breathing through the shakes. His mask felt soaked through from sweat, but he didn’t have an extra to switch out. Both legs were good to go. Now he had to get the waistband over the bottom half of his shell.

On the extremely rare occasion where Raph ever wore pants, he’d learned it was easier to do a little jump and swoop up motion to get the pants over the lower rows of spikes on his shell. Once the waistband settled between rows, he could cinch the belt and keep the pants fairly secure. If it worked for his ninja attire, it could work for dress pants.

“Alright, Raph, you can do this. Count down from three, two, one, and--”

Darkness. He could hear the television cut out, his father’s boisterous laughter turned into inconvenienced grumbling. With the abrupt change in lighting, Raph realized, too late, that he’d stopped himself mid-swoop and in trying to correct his stance began to topple over. He landed on the bed. Shell first. Right on top of the red sweater.

“DONNIE!” April shouted.

“I’M FIXING IT!” Donnie shouted back from down the hall.

Raph was frozen on the bed, his quickening breaths filling the dead air with a slight wheeze. He tried to convince himself it was okay. He’d landed on the bed, but he’d, by some miracle, missed the sweater. It wasn’t true. He didn’t have that kind of luck. The moment he stood he felt the knit garment come with him, already skewered by his spikes. He heard the tear of April’s bedding as the pants dropped to the floor, pooling at his feet. There was no way he could meet April’s parents in tattered clothes. It was over before it even began.

Like you ever had a chance. This was always going to happen. Look at you! You can’t hide what you are! You tear through things. You destroy! You punch and rip and snare and scratch and you can’t even make a napkin into a swan! They’ll see you and know you’re dangerous. They’ll fear you instantly.

The red light of ninpō bloomed around Raph’s clenched, shaking fist. A feral sound gurgled in his throat, but he fought to choke it down. Why did it have to be so hard for him? Why was everything so hard all the time?

This wouldn’t’ve happened if April had just introduced you to her parents when you were younger. There’d be no dressing up, no need to be perfect. They’d already know you by now. They’d have seen you at your best. They’d have seen you before the world weighed you down. But they can’t now because all they’ll see is a spiky, scarred, nightmarish, stupid, stubborn, horrifying mon--

Light. The lights were back on. The television sprang to life again and his father’s voice rose in celebration. In the peripheral of his good eye he could see his reflection in April’s mirror. The snarl of his lips curled high enough to expose his snaggletooth that gleamed like a sharpened fang. His brow was furrowed, eyes strained and slightly feral. Raph’s fist, still alight with his ninpō, was centimeters away from impacting the wall. He was going to hit it. He wanted to hit it. He wanted to hit everything in the damn apartment, including his family.

No. No, he couldn’t do that. Why would he even think that? It was wrong! Why did he feel so wrong? Why was he so angry? Why couldn’t he get himself under control?!

He needed to leave.

Something’s wrong.

He needed to leave.

This is too important. You’re choking. You always choke in big moments!

He needed to leave.

They wouldn’t miss him anyway.

He needed to leave.

They’d have a better time without him.

He needed to leave.

The O’Neils wouldn’t be scared of the others.

He needed to leave.

***

As far as April could tell, everything was finally coming together. She and Mikey had managed to repair her sweater, the stove was finally fixed with a pot of pizza spaghetti sauce simmering on the hob, and everyone was dressed to impress except for…

“Donnie, why aren’t you dressed?” April asked. The softshell was seated on the couch next to Leo, both of them scrolling through their phones, both of them indifferent to whatever Splinter was watching on the television.

“Hmm? Oh, Raph’s still in your room. Figured he needed his privacy,” Donnie said.

“Still? It’s been almost an hour. My parents will be here any minute!” April said.

“Really?” Leo asked. He grabbed Donnie’s gauntlet, looking at the time displayed. “Huh. Well, will ya look at that!”

“You have a phone, Nardo,” Donnie said, tugging his arm away.

Leo smiled as he said, “Yeah, but it’s more fun to bug you!”

Donnie didn’t get a chance to respond as April grabbed him by the arm, dragging him to her bedroom door. It was a testament to their friendship and familiarity that he even allowed her to manhandle him as much as she did. The only other person who could really do that - and still live to see the next sunrise - was--

“Raph! Hey, big guy, it’s almost show time and Donnie needs to change!” April said, giving the door a gentle three knock sequence. When there was no response, she repeated the knocks with a bit more force. “Raph? You okay?”

There was only silence. April and Donnie shared a worried look. It wasn’t like Raph to be so quiet. He’d been so insistent on being helpful the whole night and now there was nothing coming from the snapper.

“Raph, if you don’t open the door in the next ten seconds I’m gonna, respectfully, kick it in,” April warned.

“Adding ‘fix door knocked off its hinges’ to my bill,” Donnie muttered.

The time limit ran out before Donnie could finish his utterance. Kicking the door open, without breaking it because April was skilled that way, the two were greeted by an empty room. The eerie silence was broken by Mikey, Leo, and Splinter joining them at the door as they realized something more serious might be happening.

“W-where is he?” Mikey asked.

“Donnie,” was all Leo had to say before the softshell pulled up his tracker app.

“He’s…at the lair?” Donnie said.

“What? Why did he leave?!” April asked. She was about to ask how, but it was obvious he’d used the bedroom window. It sat an inch above the sill and there were scratches on the wall from Raph’s spikes when he likely pushed himself through.

“April,” Splinter said. They turned to the rat. He’d slipped by, moving over to the bed. He held the tattered remains of Raph’s nice clothing as well as a scrap of paper with Raph’s handwriting. April took the note, reading it out loud:

April,

Had to leave. Not a good night for me. Didn’t wanna ruin everything with your folks. Probably for the best. Wouldn’t wanna scare them off.

Have fun.

Raph

“I-I don’t understand,” April said. “He seemed so excited about tonight. He was the one who told me everything was gonna be--”

“Perfect,” Leo finished, his expression knowing with a hint of guilt as he looked at the torn clothing in his father’s hands. “I think Raph was holding himself to a much higher standard for tonight. And I think he thinks he failed.”

“What if we--” April was cut off by a three sequence knock at the apartment door.

“April, honey, we’re here!” came her mother’s lovingly sing-song voice.

“And we’re only two minutes late!” added her father.

Panic-stricken, April pushed the turtles and Splinter into her room, Raph’s note still firmly grasped in her hand.

“Donnie, get dressed!”

“What about Raph?” Mikey asked.

“We can’t…we’ll just have to make do,” April said dejectedly as she shut the door. There was an immediate scramble from the boys as they worked to get Donnie dressed in record time.

“Battle shell off, Donathan,” Leo ordered over Donnie’s muffled grumbling.

“If you touch that button, Michael, this whole city block goes KABLOOEY!” Donnie shouted.

“Why do you need a button for that?!” Mikey shouted back.

“Boys! Fighting is for out in the streets, on rooftops, infiltrating villain headquarters, or in the safety of our own home! Knock it off!” Splinted said.

There was another three knock sequence at the door. This time with a little more force.

“April? Is that you?” her mother asked.

“Just a minute!” April shouted.

“If you don’t open the door in the next ten seconds I’m going to, respectively, kick it in,” her mother said. The tone of her voice told April her mother wasn’t playing around. It was her no nonsense voice and no one messed with Carol O’Neil, Registered Nurse, unless they’d already put their affairs in order. Quickly stuffing Raph’s note into her pocket, April threw the door open just before her mother’s foot made contact.

“Mom! Dad! I’m so glad you’re here!” she said, grabbing them in a tight hug that was quickly returned.

“Glad to see you too, baby,” Carol said, “but it’s just dinner.”

“Sure, but it’s an important dinner,” April said as she ushered her parents into the apartment.

“Oh, that’s right! We’re meeting the infamous Hamato family!” her father said. There wasn’t much left of the apartment for them to scan, but Julius O’Neil still made an effort to look around. “Are they also fashionably late?”

Carol sniffed the air, her eyes lighting up at the smell of good food simmering. “They must be here if something smelling that good is bubbling on our girl’s stove!”

“Hey!” April said.

“I love you, baby, but of the many, many skills you have, we both know cooking isn’t one of them,” Carol said matter-of-factly. April tried to protest but could only sigh defeatedly and shrug her assent.

“Okay, so, yes, the Hamatos are here,” April said. “They’re in my bedroom.”

Her parents stared at her in confusion.

“Sweetie, why in the world would they be--?” Carol started.

“I just…I need you to understand that I love you guys so much but…they’re my family too and no matter what you think about--”

“April, honey, what does it matter what we think?” Julius asked. April reached out to them again, wrapping her arms around them as she braced herself for the next moment. Taking a deep breath, she backed away towards her bedroom door. God, she wished Raph was here.

“Trust me, it matters,” she said. Opening the door, she gestured for those inside to come out. “Mom. Dad. Meet the Hamatos.”

The boys practically spilled out, tumbling into a pile of green limbs, knit-wear, and hushed curses. Leo was the first to recover, jumping to his feet with a confident smile and a round of finger guns for the O’Neils. Donnie pulled Mikey to his feet, made brief eye contact with April, then looked to her parents with a smug smile of his own. Mikey shyly waved at the O’Neils, his eyes dewy with unshed tears at this pivotal moment. Splinter walked out last, his head held high despite his short stature, as he waited for the inevitable backlash.

April put herself between her two families, ready to play referee if needed. Oddly, her parents said nothing. They just stared, for a solid minute, and remained silent as they seemed to wrestle with what their expectations of the night were versus reality.

“This is Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo, and Ra…and their father, Master Splinter,” April continued. “Guys, these are my parents.”

Unexpectedly, it was Mikey who stepped forward, extending his three-fingered hand out as he willed the tremors to stop.

“It’s - um - nice to finally meet you,” said the box turtle. His voice wobbled with nerves. He really wished Raph was there. His oldest brother always made him feel invincible, like no matter what Mikey did he had a hype man and backup in his corner. For all the razzmatazz he wielded, what he wanted most in the moment was the reassurance of his brother’s hand upon his shoulder. “We’ve heard a lot about you over the years.”

Carol O’Neil stepped forward first, her hand hesitantly extending towards Mikey. There was a slight gasp when she touched him, the feeling of scales unexpected. The box turtle flinched at the reaction, but as he tried to pull away he felt Carol’s grip tighten as she shook his hand.

“It’s…nice to finally meet you, too, Michelangelo. Oh! Mikey,” she said, her smile settling into something sweet and genuine as she seemed to understand exactly who she was talking to. “Did April ever tell you that orange is my favorite color, too?”

Mikey’s eyes widened with anime tears. The youngest turtle immediately hugged Carol at her waist, driving away the last bit of tension in the apartment as her arms wrapped around his shell in return. Splinter stepped forward, shaking hands with Julius.

“We have a lot to discuss,” said the rat.

Julius nodded. “Good thing I brought a bottle of wine.”

“I brought three,” Splinter said. The two fathers shared a laugh in understanding.

The ding of a timer got everyone’s attention.

“The sauce is ready!” Mikey exclaimed.

“Excellent timing, as always, little brother,” Leo said. The slider maneuvered easily around the adults, leading them into the dining area. “I know Mama and Papa O’Neil are familiar with La Casa de Abril y Sunita, but they’ve yet to experience La Cocina de Miguel! Vamos a comer!”

As everyone started moving towards the dining space, April grabbed hold of Donnie’s arm, tugging him gently to stay with her.

“Do you think Raph’s alright?” April asked.

Donnie’s eyes softened as he pulled up the tracker app again. They could both see Raph’s icon roaming around the lair. He was probably getting a snack and settling down for the night. There was no need to bother him.

“I’ll keep an eye on it…and him,” Donnie said in as reassuring a tone as he could manage. April always appreciated the effort. “Though one of us - definitely not me - should talk to him about tonight. Again, I cannot stress this enough, it should NOT be me.”

“Thanks, Donnie. I’ll…I’ll talk to him later.”

***

Dinner had started off well as Splinter and the turtles regaled April’s parents with their life story. There was a moment April thought her father was going to have a heart attack when he learned the origin story of Lou Jitsu - one of his favorite action movie actors - but he recovered quickly enough to start badgering Splinter with questions about his many, many films.

They were careful when it came to talking about when and where the boys and April met. The last thing April wanted was to worry her parents retroactively, but it was difficult to talk about the time they spent growing up together without mentioning being ninjas and the Foot and Shredder and the Krang. April knew she’d have to fill in a lot of gaps, but for now, they kept the stories simple, though it was still hard talking around the Raph-sized elephant in the room. Not that they were leaving him out of the stories. It was impossible not to mention Raph in all of their childhood tales, but it was a constant reminder of the snapper’s larger-than-life presence and the distinct lack of it in the room. It didn’t help that the boys kept sneaking awkward glances to the place at the table set for their older brother and the haggard looking swan napkin slumped over on the plate.

They weren’t subtle about it all, which prompted Carol to finally ask:

“Does anyone want to tell us about who isn’t here?”

“Raphael, right?” Julius asked.

Carol smiled sweetly at her husband, “Yes, hun. Raphael. He’s supposed to be here. Right, April?”

Suddenly finding her spaghetti the most interesting thing in the room, April’s eyes darted away from her mother’s scrutiny. Guilt had settled in her stomach the moment she read Raph’s note, the weight building and building as the night progressed. He should be here. He should be here and enjoying himself like everyone else. Carol’s seemingly innocent question, which April knew wasn’t innocent by a long shot, was the riptide coming to drag her all the way down.

“He - um - he…wasn’t feeling good,” April started, though one glance up at her mother told her the woman wasn’t buying it. April sighed. “I think - I know - I put a lot of emphasis on how important it was for tonight to go well.”

Carol cocked an eyebrow, which Donnie admired for its height and severity. “Uh-huh…”

“And Raph’s a worrier. Not like a perfectionist, but pretty close, especially where family is concerned,” April continued.

“He’s the oldest, right?” Carol asked, not addressing anyone directly though everyone at the table, minus her husband, nodded.

“The safety of our family has always been my son’s greatest priority,” Splinter said, his eyes downcast as he stared at his wine. The statement was loaded to the gills with what it wasn’t saying.

“He cares a lot, maybe too much, about being the best version of himself,” Mikey added. “If he’s the best brother, the best son, the best hero, then that means he’s done his job. We’re safe because he did what he’s supposed to do. And when he thinks he’s failed, he sees that as a weakness, which makes him think he’s a liability.”

Julius stared at the youngest Hamato, practically gobsmacked at the maturity with which he spoke. “And you don’t have a psych degree, correct?”

“We try to encourage him not to do armchair diagnoses, but…teenagers, am I right?” Leo said.

“I’m looking into online courses,” Mikey said.

“So, why does Raphael believe he’s ruined the evening before we even arrived?” Carol asked, bringing them back to the original topic.

“He assumed you’d be frightened of him,” Donnie stated.

“DONNIE!” shouted April and Mikey.

“PURPLE!” added Splinter.

“DUDE!” Leo chastised.

“What? It’s exhausting listening to all of you dance around the subject!” Donnie fired back.

“This one I like. Always have. Some of my fellow nurses could benefit from that kind of directness,” Carol said, pointing at the softshell. Donnie couldn’t help himself as he preened in front of his brothers after receiving praise. Carol turned back to April. “You have pictures of him, hun?”

“Um…yeah,” April said. Carol held out her hand.

“Let me see,” she said. Hesitating, for only a moment, April pulled out her phone, handing it over without protest.

“Her password is 511984,” Donnie offered.

“DONNIE!” April shrieked, her voice thick with betrayal.

Donnie waved her off. “I’ll change it later.”

“You’d best believe the next conversation we have I will maintain direct eye contact with you the whole time,” April said.

“Le Gasp! You wouldn’t dare!” Donnie said.

“Daren’t she?” Leo said.

“Stay out of this, Nardo!”

Smirking at the exchange, Carol opened April’s phone and navigated to her photo gallery. For all the chaos April could surround herself with, she was extraordinarily organized when it came to documentation. No wonder she was trying to become an investigative journalist. The first collection of photos was labeled ‘Brothers’ and the top image was one that had transferred phones several times due to its lower quality. Even so, Carol felt tears prickling at the site of the adorable selfie taken by her eleven-year-old daughter.

April was front-and-center, her hair tied up in a singular bun riddled with barrettes, but behind her were the turtles; all four of them. Leo and Mikey were mugging for the camera, Mikey most likely trying to emulate his older brother. Donnie was a bit more standoffish, a quiet smile in his eyes even if his glasses took up most of his face. Behind the three youngest was Raphael, eyes alight with joy and loving arms wrapped around his brothers, bringing them as close together as possible.

Scrolling through the collection, she watched as the boys grew up; the scrappy little gremlins becoming full-on teenagers with April acting as their documentarian. There were movie nights in front of a projector, birthdays, and surface excursions, but there were also candid moments where the boys didn’t know a picture had been taken. In many of them, Raph seemed to always be in the background, watching over his family. The images where he was front and center usually showed him giving his brothers noogies with delightful glee, acting as a jungle gym for the boys to climb around or a comfy bed for them to rest upon. The differences between the eldest and his brothers were obvious, but size, strength, and spikes notwithstanding, Carol couldn’t stop looking at one thing in particular.

“He has such kind eyes,” she said. April perked up, a sigh of relief escaping at the acceptance in her mother’s voice. Truth be told, Raph’s eyes, and the kindness he showed others, was the deciding factor in her becoming friends with the turtles.

“He does,” April agreed. “And he gives the best hugs!”

“World champion hugger, our Raphie!” Leo said, his voice dripping with warmth. “The greatest! Can’t possibly be beat!”

Carol showed the images to her husband. Like his wife, Julius O’Neil melted at the site of the young turtles. As he scrolled through, April could see her father’s interest peak as he tried to zoom in on some images.

“Huh, well that explains the scratches on the walls over the years,” Julius said.

“You knew about those?” April gulped. Her father gave her an incredulous look.

“April, I’m in construction and renovation. You think I can’t see a splash of off-white paint covering a haphazard plaster job when it’s in my own home?”

“I - I just assumed…”

“You didn’t think we noticed what you were doing? Ever?” Carol asked. “Baby, I know we worked a lot and we weren’t around you 24/7, but give us a little credit. You really think we were convinced Mayhem is a maine coon?”

“Coming from a known terrible liar, that’s pretty bad,” Donnie said. The glare April gave Donnie was a promise of violence to his person if he didn’t stop talking. She was about to say something especially scathing when she saw her father’s face fall as he continued scrolling through the images.

“Hun,” Julius said, showing her mother the image he’d landed on on the phone. Carol let out an audible gasp before turning the phone around to show April.

It was one of the few pictures she’d taken after the invasion as a reminder of what she could’ve lost. Raph was lying in his specially made med bed, his right eye and left shoulder bandaged from injuries sustained by the Kraang. On either side of him were his brothers, each of them sporting their own bandages and mobile IV lines so they could be as close as possible to their big brother. The picture was taken a few days into the post-invasion sickness Raph suffered from as his body fought off what remained of the Kraang infection.

“We - we almost lost him during the invasion,” Leo said, his voice trembling with guilt.

“We almost lost both of you,” Mikey said, a pointed reminder to Leo not to diminish what happened to him in comparison to others.

“The Kraang - the aliens - had him,” Leo continued. “So we had to go save him.”

“Save him? Then you…you were on that ship in the sky?” Carol asked. Her eyes fearfully darted to April. “All of you?”

“No. I - I stayed behind with Splints and - and another friend,” April said. Her mother’s fear didn’t dissipate, as if she could sense there was more coming. “We kinda…fought them on the ground. At one of the construction sites.”

“YOU FOUGHT ALIENS AND DIDN’T TELL US?!!” her mother shouted.

“It wasn’t just, like, hand-to-hand combat! I had my bat with me. We had an herbicide that melted a lot of them and - and I put my crane license to use!” April countered. Her parents were not reassured in the slightest. Carol turned to her husband, a sharp look given that spoke of past arguments rising to the surface.

“I told you the crane license was a bad idea,” Carol said.

“Wh-what? How was I supposed to know she’d use it to fight aliens? How is anyone supposed to know that?!” Julius said. Somehow Carol’s eyebrow got higher. “Hey, don’t look at me like that. I was trying to support our daughter’s interests!”

“What sixteen-year-old shows interest in operating heavy machinery?” Carol said.

“Carol, look where we are right now,” Julius said as he gestured to the mutant turtles and rat at the table. “The crane license is the least of my concerns.”

“If I might add, April is very capable when it comes to defending herself and others,” Splinter said.

“Yeah, no one swings a crane arm like her!” Mikey added. “It’s super effective on aliens, ninjas, and animated armor powered by an enraged soul…who was also an ancient ancestor of ours.”

The O’Neils stared at Mikey as if they didn’t understand any of the words coming out of his mouth. The whole family was staring. April slapped her hand against her face. “Mikey, I swear to God…”

Carol O’Neil took a deep, calming breath. “Okay. We are tabling this discussion for later, April. Right now, we need to focus on Raphael.”

“Would he possibly want to come back?” Julius asked, following his wife’s lead. “Give us a second chance at a first impression?”

April wanted to cry at her parents’ openness. They were really here and willing to be supportive of the turtles. They wanted to meet Raph because they could already see the good in him the same way April had seen it all those years ago.

“Yeah, I think that’s doable,” April said. Looking around the table, and not finding who she was looking for, April let out a loud, shrill whistle. “Mayhem!”

The little yokai POPPED into existence in front of April, his purrs loud and inviting as she gave him a few pets. It was the first time he’d ever teleported in front of her parents, but April didn’t dare deviate from her goal even to get a glimpse at the likely confused and/or shocked faces of the people who raised her.

“Wanna do a quick scouting mission?” April asked. Mayhem purred a bit louder, giving her a snort of confirmation. “Great. Zap on over to the lair and see how Raph is, okay?”

Mayhem gave another snort and a tiny mrrp before he teleported away.

“You couldn’t call him?” her mother asked.

“Yeah or I could’ve done the sword thing,” Leo pointed out.

“What’s the sword thing?” Julius asked.

“Ohhoho, Mr. O’Neil, that’s - um - it’s…how familiar are you with ninjitsu and mysticism?” Leo asked.

Donnie gently pushed the bottle of wine over to Julius.

“You’ll need it.”

***

Another punching bag flew across the dojo, the stuffing knocked out of it from the sheer force of Raph’s fists colliding with the worn leather. He stumbled backwards, knocking against the wall as he tried to catch his breath. Nothing was working. He tried everything: running laps, lifting weights, skateboarding, even the highest difficulty on DDR, but nothing could put a stopper on the constant flow of anger and the adrenaline that followed. 

Why couldn’t he stop it? Why were none of his coping mechanisms alleviating the problem? If anything, they were making it worse. Every punch against the shattered dummies and bags that littered the floor made him want to punch again and again and again! He had too much energy and yet he felt drained all the same. He felt his feet drag as he made another circuit around the lair, the weight of his body likely leaving dents in the floor. He was screwing up left and right, making more work for others while he helplessly tried to get his stupid anger under control.

Why was he always so angry? And why was his anger so destructive? So aggressive? Why couldn’t he just be okay? Why couldn’t he be normal? No one else in his family had to deal with this level of anger. None of his brothers had to be told to keep their emotions in check! They were free spirits and he was locked away, caged for everyone’s safety. His vision blurred and the sounds of laughter and screams took over his senses. They were laughing at him! They were scared of him! He didn’t mean it! He didn’t want this! He didn’t ask to be this way!

But this is who you are, isn’t it? Big, scary, spiky turtle who can’t keep it under control when it matters. You’re the angry one. The punchy one. You yell. You shout. You’re too much. You’re not enough. You sacrifice. You suffer.

And they don’t care.

“Shut up. Shut up! Shut. Up!” Raphael shouted.

He slid down the dojo wall, his spikes scraping against the wood as splinters flew everywhere. He was too tired to care. Closing his eyes, he tried to get his breathing under control again, but to no avail. His chest hurt. His lungs burned. He could hardly see through the sweat and tears. He could barely feel the rest of his body save for the spiking pain in his neck. The lump was getting bigger, his heart beat sending pulse after pulse of sensations that felt like jagged glass piercing his scales.

He wanted to curl up in bed and sleep the rest of the night away. He’d tried to meditate when he got home but his brain wouldn’t quiet down with its constant stream of awful, intrusive thoughts and his body’s refusal to comply. He was stuck, grasping at straws for something to ease his pain.

Please, make it stop!

A little squeak caught his attention. The pitter-patter of tiny feet skittering across the dojo stopped and he felt the presence of something small and vulnerable pause. When he opened his eyes, they were met by the beady little orbs of a regular New York City rat. His family had grown up dealing with rat infestations in the old lair. Even with all of Donnie’s technological advances one or two rats always managed to get through his trademarked rat-proofing. Since moving to the new lair, Donnie had gone the extra mile to prevent vermin from invading their space. To the softshell’s credit, Raph’s dojo rat was the first he’d seen since the lair was fully finished.

“H-hey, l-lil’ one,” Raph said, trying to keep his voice even and calm, “y-you lost?”

The rat sniffed the air, its whiskers twitching as it tried to sense if the snapper was a threat.

“D-don’t worry. I ain’t…ain’t gonna hurt ya,” he said as he slumped a little further against the wall. “I - might l-look sc-scary but it’s all…for show.”

The rat skittered closer, stopping at Raph’s foot as it continued to check its surroundings. Now that he could see them better, the rat looked like the bog standard for sewer rats with its brown fur, long tail, and somewhat mangled ears. The only thing that stood out to the red-clad turtle was the white spot on their left ear.

“Gonna…gonna hafta get ya outta here b-before D-donnie sees ya,” he mumbled.

Raph gently extended his hand, keeping it still and open for the rat to sniff. Once he had them, he needed to get to the nearest opening and scoot them out. If Donnie even sensed a rat was near any of his equipment, or got past his security measures, it meant the next month would be filled with patches to already functioning systems, alarms going off at all hours for testing, and a ragged looking softshell on the verge of collapsing as he tried to fix what wasn’t broken.

And he’ll complain about it the whole time. Won’t shut up. He’ll just keep mumblin’ during meals or raisin’ his voice for us to hear on purpose! He’ll prolly find a way to blame me too! Dum-dum Raph couldn’t stop a rat from invadin’ our home. Not fast enough! Not smart enough! This is all your fault!

The rat had just inched closer to his hand, their nose sniffing along his trembling fingers, when a POP and the scent of sulfur filled the room. Mayhem’s sudden appearance went without comment as the little yokai immediately growled at the sewer rat. Backing away from Raph’s hand, the rat hissed before scurrying away into parts unknown of the lair.

“Mayhem! Wh-what the hell was that?!” Raph shouted, his open hand curling into a fist. “It was just’a rat. They weren’t h-hurtin’ anyone!”

Mayhem made a low growl in the back of his throat, sniffling snootily towards where the rat had been as if it was answer enough for his behavior. Unfortunately, the timing of it all couldn’t have been worse for Raph’s state of mind.

“Wh-what? You scratch me up at ev’ry opportunity, but don’ like it when I pay attention to another animal? Like I haven’t tried to be nice? Or patient? Waitin’ for the day you’d actually l-look like you’re happy to see me like you do to ev’ryone else?! I’m the one who saw you first! I made ev’ryone pay attention, includin’ April, and wha’do I get for it? Huh? Pain. Jus’ pain ‘n’ laughter.”

Mayhem trembled in the hulking shadow Raph cast. When did he get up? How did he not realize he was standing? Was Mayhem…scared? Of him? In all their interactions over the years, the little yokai always had the upper hand. Raph was too concerned with getting Mayhem to like him or, at the very least, like him enough to stop scratching his face. Thus, the little guy got to do whatever he wanted and Raph allowed it because what was the alternative?

Apparently the alternative was staring at him with a raised spine and wary eyes. Or it would have if Mayhem hadn’t POPPED away the second Raph tried to move towards him.

“W-wait! Mayhem, I--”

The yokai was gone before Raph could apologize.

Of course he left! They always leave before you can explain yourself. Not like they’d listen anyway! They never listen! Nobody listens!

Another POP and more sulfur assaulted his nostrils, but he wasn’t looking at Mayhem this time. No, now it was--

“April? Wha-what’re you doin’ here?”

“Checking on you. I-I want you to come back to the apartment--”

“N-no. No. It’s better if I stay here. I’m not feelin’--”

“It’s okay, Raph, really. My parents aren’t an issue. I explained everything - kinda - and showed them pictures of you and they were so much cooler about things then I thought they’d be. They wanna meet you and--”

“So, it’s still on your terms, huh?”

“What?”

“I said I’d stay away. I-I took myself outta the situation ‘cause that’s what I’m supposta do. That’s what I was told to do. I couldn’t move. I almost scratched the place up. I-I ruined the clothes. I couldn’t even make those stupid napkin swans. I tried to say sumthin’ and no one was hearin’ me, so I left. But that’s not enough, is it? Even when I do everything right, it’s still not enough. You do whatever you want and expect me to be okay with it. It’s always on your terms. Never mine.”

It was hard to say why the words were spilling out now. As much as the snapper could wear his heart on his sleeve, there were plenty of thoughts and feelings he kept buried to protect not just himself but his family. Not every concern or disagreement needed to be voiced. Not every fear required examination. Sometimes you lock it down and hope for the best because anything else would just invite pity or scorn. Raph’s problems were Raph’s problems. Simple as that. Unfortunately, whatever filter he’d placed on himself was suddenly absent. All he knew was that he was tired, in pain, and really didn’t give a damn anymore. And with that realization came an awful sense of freedom.

Ask her the question. You’ve wanted the answer for so long!

“Raph, what’re you talking about? Are you okay? You look--”

“Why’d you wait to introduce us to your folks, huh? We’ve been family for seven years and it was never on the table until now. Why?” Raph asked, his dark eyes piercing into April’s with sullen clarity.

“I - I uh…”

“You got a whole ‘nutha family outta us. Four brothers and a dad who love you, who’d do anything for you. What did we get, April? What did I get?”

“You got me!”

That’s not an answer! Answer the question!

“Yeah, I got a sister,” he said, his voice laced with disappointment even as it wavered. “A sister who liked that we stayed hidden. A sister who got to leave whenever she wanted. Who never dealt with the tantrums, or-or the meltdowns, or the fighting! Did you ever think that…Don't you get it? I - I coulda had a mom.”

The stunned silence from April was worse than he could’ve expected. The devastation in her eyes almost made up for it but it was a hollow victory, one that quickly dug a hole in his stomach as anger slowly poured in.

How could she not know?! Did she never think about what it would mean for me to have a mother!? What kind of sister is she? Selfish! SELFISH! Did she ever really care? I give everything! I share everything! EVERYTHING! And I get nothing in return!

“I-I didn’t know you guys--”

“No, not my brothers. Me. I wanted a mom!” he shouted. The anger was almost too much for his body to withstand. He braced against the wall as the world tilted, the wood shuddering in response to his limb’s adrenaline-infused vibration.

Still, he kept going.

“I wanted a mom so bad, April. Someone I could depend on. Someone who-who appreciated the effort I put into things. Someone who’d be on my side, for once. Someone who wanted me around. Someone who-who’d love me no matter what,” he said. He forced his eyes open, imploring his sister to understand. “I wanted it to be your mom ‘cause there’s no way she could raise the coolest girl I know and not be amazin’ herself. But you never let us meet her and now I’m too old…too broken.”

“That’s not true. My mom saw one picture of you and she already loves you!”

“She doesn’t know me! And I don’t know her because you wouldn’t let me!”

“Then come back to the apartment and--”

“I said I’d stay away!” He slammed his fist into the wall, his ninpō flaring to life as the wood and concrete crumpled like paper. He couldn’t feel it. He didn’t register that he’d moved his body until he found his fist going straight through the wall. He looked back at April, unsurprised by the shock and fear that greeted him. “How could she love me when all I do is wreck things?”

“Raph--”

“You’re not listenin’ to me! Why won’t any of you listen to me?!”

Leo’s portal ZAPPED into existence as his brothers and Splinter ran through. Confused as to the timing of their arrival, Raph finally noticed the blinking green light on April’s watch. She’d activated her panic button. Because of him. The pit in his stomach expanded, making room as he felt the walls closing in.

It’s not safe. You’re not safe. YOU’RE not safe!

“Hey, Big Brother, what’s--” Leo started.

“SHUT UP! All of you just SHUT UP and STAY AWAY!” Raph shouted. He moved backwards, trying to put distance between himself and his family before he did something worse. He stumbled, just managing to catch himself even though it knocked the wind out of him. It was so hard to breathe. Why was it so hard to breathe?

“It’s okay, Raph,” Mikey said, his voice taking on that calm, soothing cadence he used for Dr. Feelings. “We just wanna help you. Something’s obviously wrong and we’re gonna figure that out, as a family.”

A family that forgets you exist until you’re useful. A family that can’t stand not having something to criticize about you. A family that takes and takes and takes and takes…

“And what if what’s wrong is my family?!” Raph countered, his voice catching at the end even as the volume rose. It was a rare instance of speechlessness from Mikey as the youngest realized he might be underqualified for what was upsetting his oldest brother.

“You must calm yourself, my son,” Splinter said, stepping between his children.

Raph’s glare was a frightening blend of hurt, desperation, and rage. A flood of fresh adrenaline accompanied the low growl in his throat. The pit in his stomach couldn’t expand fast enough as more bile and vitriol filled it to the brim.

“Calm myself? CALM MYSELF?! I’ve been calming myself my entire life! Don’t be angry, Red. Your anger is destructive, Red. You could hurt one of your brothers, Red. You have to be more responsible, Red. You need to look after your brothers, Red. You have to protect your brothers, Red. You have to protect our family, Red.”

It was a laundry list of rules and requirements placed on a child who only ever wanted to be helpful and loved. When the two had become intertwined was impossible to say, but in his father’s attempt to be reassuring, Raph could only see the myriad times he’d upheld those simple directives and still managed to fail.

“Raphael…” his father began, but Raph refused to let him try to reason with him. There was yet another burning question he needed answered.

“Did you cry for me?” Raph asked, keeping his gaze trained on his father’s face. “When I sent Leo back in my escape pod? When I made sure everyone, including you, made it back to the lair? When you realized that the Kraang had me and saw what they did to me? Did you cry for me?”

He saw Splinter’s whiskers twitch, his fur tufts rising ever so slightly. Even the rat’s tail was swaying agitatedly.

“I…my son…”

“I heard you over the comms when we thought Leo was gone,” Raph continued. He could feel the tears forming, already knowing what was going to happen. He’d lost sleep so many nights thinking about it and now he was going to get the awful truth. “You cried for him. You thought you’d lost him. Because that’s what fathers are supposed to do. So…did you cry for me when I was lost?”

“Red,” Splinter said, his voice thick with caution, “you must understand…everything happened so fast. I - I did not have time to process what happened to you before your brothers went to rescue you. I believed you would be alright because you have always - always - been the strongest, the most resilient.”

Another growl burned in Raph’s throat. His breaths came out in short gasps as he tried to control himself, nostrils flaring under the strain. The pit in his stomach was a gaping maw of rage as he slammed his fist into the floor.

“But I wasn’t strong enough, was I, Pops? I didn’t resist enough either. Is that right?” Raph said.

“N-no, Red, that’s not what I meant!” Splinter protested.

“I’ve done everything you asked! I’ve gone above and beyond and I’m still not enough! How come I’m not enough for you? For any of you?” Raph cried. His vision blurred as the thump-thump-thump of his heart beat increased. His mask felt too tight around his face, the fabric soaked through and sticking to his scales.

“Raph, of course you’re enough,” Leo said, taking the lead ahead of their father. His eyes darted to the side for an instant before turning back to his older brother. “We’ve always appreciated everything you did and everything you still do! You know we love you!”

“That’s - that’s such a lie and you know it,” Raph said as his gaze shifted to Leo. The words came out in a strangled laugh, his chest spasming with uneven breaths in an attempt to take in air. Leo felt the protection of his leaderly persona fail in the face of his brother’s raw anguish. Worst of all, the slider couldn’t tell which part Raph thought was a lie.

“Why isn’t Dad here, Raph? Where’s dinner, Raph? You choke in big moments, Raph. Stop tucking me in, Raph. You don’t think, Raph. Stop babyin’ me, Raph. April’s the big brother now, Raph. Your ideas suck, Raph. You need a better plan, Raph! You’re gettin’ weird, Raph. You’re not our dad, Raph! The things you love are stupid, Raph! Your biggest fear is hilarious, Raph! It was just a prank, Raph! You’re overbearin’, Raph. We’re gonna keep eatin’ the poison, Raph! I don’t need your help, Raph! Help me, Raph! Save me, Raph! Raph’ll handle it! Raph’s got it! Why didn’t you save Karai, Raph?! Why did you leave Dad behind Raph?! Why don’t you have it all figured out, Raph?! We don’t wanna be heroes, Raph! Everyone’s countin’ on you, Raph! Leo’s leader now, Raph! No one cares about the work you put in, Raph? You die in the future, Raph! The Kraang turned you too easily, Raph! You gave up, Raph! Ev’rything needs to be perfect, Raph! You hafta be perfect, Raph!! You’re the reason we don’t have a mom, Raph! Don’t be mad, Raph! Don’t be mad! Don’t be mad! WHEN DO I GET TO BE MAD?!!”

The pain in his chest was excruciating, unyielding in its strength and intensity. His left arm felt completely numb as he tried to carry it over to his chest. More pain spiked in his neck amidst the rolling waves of heat and through his blurred visions all he could see were the scared faces of his family.

Mikey was fully crying, huge crocodile tears spilling down his face. Was it genuine empathy? Or was he upset that Raph had called him out in front of everyone? Leo’s expression was somewhere between frustration and sadness, like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to yell back or bite his tongue. April stared in quiet devastation as she fought her own tears that threatened to appear. Splinter was…Raph didn’t know if there was a word for how his father looked. Crushed? Helpless? If he was smarter maybe he’d know but all he could truly see on his father’s face was something miserable and lost. And Donnie…

Wait, where was Donnie? He’d come through the portal, right? Raph saw him but…when did he lose sight of his younger brother?

As mired as he was in his own pain, Raph was still a trained ninja. He felt the air shift at his back, a stronger breeze of movement near his neck. Something was coming up from behind, on his right, in his blind spot. He saw Leo’s eyes widen, a subtle shake of his head that seemed to go unheeded.

“Raph--”

The snapper grabbed his offender, his numbed arm somehow latching on as he swung their body towards the other end of the dojo. His family cried out but he couldn’t hear the words above the rapid thump-thump-thump of his heart beat. He turned, arm raised, ninpō covering his fist like an armored gauntlet and…

Donnie looked up at him, an impact crater surrounding the softshell’s body where Raph had thrown him. The battle shell had been strapped over his sweater, like he had to leave in a hurry, but it was fully intact, unaffected by Raph’s strength. His genius brother looked confused, almost unsure of what was happening. His goggles hung at a slanted angle, practically falling off his face. He’d hit his head. Raph had thrown him so hard he’d hit his head. Raph had…Raph had hurt him.

“D-Donnie?” Raph said, choking on his brother’s name.

“R-Raph…Raph there’s something…” Donnie tried to say but Raph couldn’t hear him. Their father and siblings rushed over, surrounding Donnie to make sure he was okay, to protect him from Raph.

“I can’t - I can’t…”

“Raph, please, you need to--”

“N-no! No! I hurt him! Wh-why did I--”

“It’s okay, big brother, we’re just gonna--”

“S-stay away! STAY AWAY!” Raph shouted. “I’ve gotta - I’ve gotta go!”

“No, Raph! Wait!”

“My son, no! You cannot--”

Anything else they might’ve said was lost in the rush of trembling legs forced to move his massive body as far away from his family as possible. He had to get away. He was a danger to them. His anger, this vile, evil thing inside him, had no place in the Hamato home. He couldn’t risk it. He couldn’t risk them.

It’s not about you. It’s never about you. It’s always been about them. Stay away. Protect them. That’s your whole deal. If you weren’t such a failure, then Donnie wouldn’t’ve gotten hurt! It’s your fault! YOURS! Stop cryin’! You don’t get to cry! IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!

Raph couldn’t remember navigating the sewers or how he made it to the rooftops. It was a blur of motion and sounds he couldn’t make sense of even as his brain tried to put the puzzle together. He was never good at puzzles. Not as good as Donnie, no matter how hard he tried.

He felt his body collapse on the concrete, the pain in his chest, the pain on the back of his neck clawing at his senses like a caged predator. He needed to keep moving, to get as far away from his family as possible, but the exhaustion of the day’s tragic turn had caught up to him. He was tired, his energy wrung out like laundry on a wire. His lungs burned as he gasped for air, a hard wheeze following each sudden inhale and exhale. His heart - God, his heart! It was throwing itself at his ribs, desperate for escape.

Was this…Was this what it felt like to die? Was he dying?

“Not quite,” said a voice from behind. Had he said that out loud? He couldn’t move to see who it was. She had a feminine voice but there was no accent he recognized. Not from New York.

“Who…wh-who’re…?” His tongue felt swollen. It was so hard to think, to speak.

“Name’s Portia, Red. Nobody you’d know but I’ve been waiting for this moment all night,” she said. There was something in her voice that sent a shiver of fear down Raph’s shell. She sounded too eager, almost hungry. “Most people take days to get to this point, but you? Oh, you were practically ready the moment I bit you.”

Bit him? When did she…? The construction site. The silverfish fight. That’s when his anger skyrocketed beyond his ability to control.

“Y-you…you…did thisss…?”

“Nothing personal, really. I’m just a bit peckish from traveling and a little adrenaline kick is what I need,” she said, as if her explanation made any sense to the dwindling senses of the snapper. “Thanks to you, I’ll have enough to last me my whole trip.”

A hand pressed into the lump on the back of his neck. He hissed in pain as Portia examined the results of her bite, massaging the collected fluid Raph could vividly feel sloshing around. He felt another hand caress his head, then another grip his shell. More hands joined, eight in total, keeping him still. He couldn’t have fought them if he wanted. There was nothing left.

“Pl’ssssss…don’...”

“Sorry, Red, but a girl’s gotta eat,” she said.

The sting was sudden and sharp, not unlike the initial bite. Whatever instrument pierced his neck sank in deep and Raph sank with it. The last thoughts he had before the world went dark were about his family. Would they come for him? Did he deserve to be saved? He’d been so mean, so angry. Donnie…he’d hurt Donnie. He’d broken the one rule he always swore to uphold, but he couldn’t blame this on the Kraang. This was him. All Raphael. He’d screwed up and his family had to suffer for it. What was left to say except…

“‘M…sss’rry…”

At the very least, the pain stopped.

***

“We have to go! We have to go now!” Donnie shouted as he struggled to stand. Mikey and April helped him to his feet. “Raph’s in trouble!”

“I’ll say,” Leo agreed. Donnie glared at him, shooing the others away as he adjusted his goggles and tapped at his gauntlet. A medical readout appeared with Raph’s silhouette.

“No, dum-dum, he’s in the kind of trouble that requires medical attention,” Donnie said. “I had the tracker switch to monitor his vital signs and it’s all bad. His pulse is too fast, oxygen levels decreasing, blood pressure through the roof, his adrenaline production is off the charts--”

“How do you have up-to-date blood work?” April asked.

“Why make a tool for one use when you can have it do multiple things?” Donnie said matter-of-factly.

“Purple, what does this all mean?” Splinter asked, his impatience and worry mingling together.

“He could have a heart attack,” Leo said, his clever eyes studying the information.

“But…why now? He - he was fine earlier. What changed?” Mikey asked as he wiped away the tear stains on his face.

“It’s most likely due to this,” Donnie said.

He pulled up an image, one taken of the back of Raph’s neck. The timestamp placed it at only a few minutes ago, just before Raph had thrown Donnie across the dojo. It looked like a large, lemon-sized abscess at the base of the snapper’s skull. The area around it was red with irritation and the whole thing looked ready to burst with whatever was contained inside.

“What in the tanuki is that?” Splinter asked.

“He said he was bitten by something while we were fighting the silverfish,” Donnie said. He pulled up any surveillance footage available, slotting it in place with his own recordings of the silverfish fight. They could see Raph’s reaction as he was supposedly bitten, but whatever it was that did the deed was too small to pick up.

Donatello Hamato wasn’t about to be bested by a speck. There was nothing on this planet that could hide from him when he had lenses ready to go beyond the visible spectrum. If he could see mystic activity, then he could see what hurt his beloved big brother.

“Ha-ha! Got you!” Donnie exclaimed. The footage warped as he changed the perspective, showing the spider-like creature latched onto their brother’s neck. It was a vaguely familiar looking spider.

“Big Mama?” Mikey said. Splinter narrowed his gaze, staring down the image like it owed him money.

“Only if she managed to find the Fountain of Youth,” he said. “Perhaps it is a relative, but no one she ever told me about. Another reason why we were never meant to be.”

“Other than the constant lying and the kidnapping and the forcing you to fight for your life on a daily basis?” Mikey asked.

“I never said she was perfect!” Splinter said.

“Back on track, family! If it’s yokai-related, then there’s more going on here than just Raph having a terrible, awful, no good, really bad day,” Leo said. “Donnie, where’s the big guy right now?”

“Looks like the rooftops near the bodega on 9th and West 49th,” Donnie said. He paused for a moment, checking his readings to make sure he was right. “He’s not alone.”

Leo pulled out his katana, slashing through the air to make a portal. “That’s all I need to hear. Let’s go, mi familia!”

They ran through the portal in record time, coming to a complete stop at the scene before them. Raph lay on the ground, curled up on his side with his arms and legs limply arranged to be out of the way. His half-lidded eyes stared dully at them, like he couldn’t actually see anything but hadn’t quite reached unconsciousness. His body twitched irregularly even as it shivered with tremors.

Looming above him was a spider yokai around the same size as Big Mama, but this one had far more human-like features from the waist up. They could clearly see her ravenous green eyes, all six of them, haloed by strawberry blonde hair, just above Raph’s neck where she appeared to be feasting on the contents of the abscess. The sloppy slurping sound was one the family wouldn’t be able to rid from memory for a very long time.

“Get away from my brother!” Mikey shouted. His nunchaku lit up with orange flames as he flung them around the yokai’s neck and tugged back, hard. Fangs the length of knitting needles retracted from the snapper as the yokai was forcibly removed.

“Hey! I was in the middle of dinner!” she shouted, swatting at Mikey with one of her many arms. When one of them connected with the box turtle, they were both surprised at the force with which he was thrown. “Oh! That’s new! You’re just the gift that keeps on giving, Red!”

“Keep his name out of your mouth!” Donnie shouted as he sent a barrage of mystic-tech missiles at her, driving her further away from Raph.

“Trust me, it’s not your brother’s name I want in my mouth,” she said. Everyone stopped at that, staring at the yokai with varying levels of disgust. Even she looked embarrassed by her words.

“Ew,” Leo said.

“Yeah, no, that was not cool of me to say,” she said.

“Hey, no worries. How about you make it up to us by SKITTERING YOUR PUNK-ASS SPIDER BUTT OUTTA NEW YORK!” Mikey shouted.

“Michelangelo! Language!” Splinter shouted. They could see Splinter and April rushing up to Raph once the spider yokai was far enough away. “Leonardo! End this quickly. Raphael needs you!”

Full names were used, which meant their father wasn’t playing around. That was all Leo needed as he charged the spider yokai. Despite her size and newly acquired strength, she clearly had no experience as a fighter, which Leo was happy to take advantage of as he slashed and sliced with each teleport.

“OW! Hey! OW! Stop it!” the spider yokai cried. She tried to swat at him like she did Mikey, but Leo was a master of evasive improvisation. Her movements were unsure. She didn’t understand how to use her strength. She didn’t pay attention to her surroundings.

It was child’s play keeping her preoccupied while Donnie set up his mystic cannon.

“You got the shot, Dee-Dee?” Leo said.

“I do indeed have the shot,” Donnie announced. The purple ninpō practically sparkled in the moonlight. The sleek, carefully constructed barrel of the cannon locked and loaded, ready to fulfill its destructive purpose. Donnie had his finger raised just above the overlaid button that would set it off once Leo was out of the way. The red-eared slider wordlessly obliged his brother, teleporting away while the spider yokai was mid-punch.

“FIRE!” Mikey shouted.

Sparks of purple erupted as the cannon launched itself into the giant spider. There was no time to brace for impact. One second she was there, the next she wasn’t; catapulted as far out towards the harbor as the powerful combination of physics and ninpō would allow.

“GUYS!!” April shouted, cutting short any possibility of victory. It was one word but the fear in their sister’s voice was palpable.

The boys hurried over, Leo taking point by Raph’s head as he began to do a rudimentary examination: pulse rapid and weak, shallow breaths, clammy, pale scales, dilated pupils.

“He’s in shock,” Leo said, trying to keep his voice calm.

“Leo.”

The slider looked over at the softshell. Donnie held up a metallic instrument coated in something viscous and yellow with hints of red. Turning Raph’s head, he saw what was left of the abscess and shuddered at the sickly mess. Gently probing the area, he could see where the fangs had pierced his brother’s neck. It was one of the snapper’s few vulnerable spots where his scales weren’t as tough. How far in had the fangs gone? Did the spider hit a nerve? A blood vessel? Some spiders were venomous. Did she inject Raph with something when she bit him? He had to assume the worst and start eliminating possibilities. His brother’s life was on the line.

“Take a sample. We’ve gotta get him home. Now,” Leo said as he pulled out a bandage from his pack and adhered it to Raph’s neck. His tone left no room for argument. Donnie quickly took as much of the liquid as he could, storing it in a vial secured in his battle shell.

“You’ve gotta get my mom, too,” April said.

“April…” Leo started.

“She’s a trauma nurse. She can help,” April insisted.

“...ugh…hnng…”

“Raph?” Mikey said. Everyone looked at the snapper. His eyes were a bit more open, a bit clearer but his breaths were still coming out sharp and shallow.

“It’s alright, Raph. We’ve got you, big brother, and we’re taking you home,” Leo said, his voice smooth and reassuring.

Raph just stared at him, his eyes intense as if he was trying to put all of his strength into one thing and one thing only. The snapper looked to the side, finding Donnie.

“...’M…sss’rry…”

It was all Raph had left, passing out with a last escape of breath that caused the whole family to go into emergency panic mode.

“Donnie, get Raph!” Leo ordered.

Purple light surrounded Raph as a construct built itself around the snapper, encasing the oldest turtle in a transportation capsule that hovered about an inch above the ground. Donnie knew he had to forego bragging for the sake of time, pushing the capsule forward as Leo created a portal to take them home.

The second everyone was in the medical car, Leo opened another portal and returned with a very confused and concerned set of O’Neil parents.

“April, what’s--?”

“Did we just go through a--?”

“No time for questions!” Mikey shouted as he pulled Carol further into the infirmary where Donnie was moving Raph from the capsule to his personal med bed. “Ask them after you save Raph!”

“Save Raph?” Carol said. She looked at the snapper; passed out, face a pale shade of green, shivering, sweating profusely. There was a bandage on his neck with specks of blood already beginning to show. She looked back into the pleading, fearful eyes of Michelangelo but also found his brothers, April, and Splinter watching her with the same expression.

Whatever happened in the short amount of time they’d been gone was unimportant. What mattered was Raphael had been hurt and he needed help and there was nothing in this life or the next that would stop Carol O’Neil from helping someone in need.

“I need a new set of vitals,” Carol ordered.

“Activating S.E.R.A.P.H.I.M.,” Donnie said. The medical bot Donnie had built not too long ago immediately went to work getting the information Carol needed. “SERA for short. Genius Built with all the latest medical texts and procedures at your disposal. I’m about two patches away from a fully functioning surgeon mod! Can I interest you in a survey when--”

“Donnie,” Carol gently chided. She could see the frantic glint in his eyes looking for anything to distract him from the overwhelming concern he had for his oldest brother. “We’ll talk about it later, alright? But thank you for the help.”

The softshell nodded. “Yeah. Okay. Th-thank you.”

Leo stepped forward and she could tell he had information for her. “What do you know?”

“He’s in shock. A spider yok - a giant spider - bit him earlier this evening and then extracted fluid from an abscess on his neck not too long ago,” Leo reported. Gone was the happy-go-lucky child she’d seen balancing a full set of cutlery on his chin at dinner. In his place was a determined young man ready to move heaven and earth for his family.

“New vital signs ready for review,” SERA announced, showing the readout on Raph’s bed monitor. Carol took a minute to process the information, taking a deep breath to keep herself, and everyone else, calm.

“Start him on a large bore IV, saline drip. I need blankets, clean bandages, and antiseptic. Do you have any antivenom?” she asked. Both Donnie and Leo shook their heads. “April, do you have a notebook and a pen on you?”

“Right here!” April said, handing the instruments over. Carol quickly scribbled something on the first blank page she could find and gave the paper to Leo.

“That’s the address for the hospital pharmacy. You’re looking for Antivenin. We use it to treat black widow bites. It’s in one of the refrigerators,” she said.

“Leon’s got it,” Leo said, laying a thick layer of confidence over the clear worry on his face.

“Just be careful and don’t let anyone see you,” Carol cautioned.

“Got it covered,” Donnie said, his gauntlet already showing the hospital security feed in the pharmacy. There was a WHOOSH and a ZAP that told her Leo had already left, but Carol kept her focus on Raph. Mikey rushed into the infirmary with a stack of blankets as SERA finished inserting the IV.

“Okay. Julius, April, Mikey, I need you to help me get Raph on his side so SERA can clean and re-bandage the wound on his neck,” Carol said. She could see the offended glare in Splinter’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Lou, but you’re a bit on the short side for this one.”

Splinter looked like he wanted to protest, but thought better of it. He gave a solemn nod, but made sure to stand near the bed…just in case. The others gathered opposite Carol, readying themselves as they looked for safe spots to grip the snapper.

“On three we turn him towards me, okay?” Everyone nodded. “One. Two. Three.”

They managed to get Raph on his side with minimal fuss, though Mikey seemed to be doing the heavy lifting. The littlest turtle was surprisingly strong for his size. SERA went to work without prompting, removing the old bandage and cleaning the wound with precision and care.

“I am detecting signs of necrosis in the tissue surrounding the wound,” SERA said.

“Damn it,” Carol whispered. She didn’t know anything about mutant anatomy or giant spiders, but if something had been big enough to leave such sizable wounds on Raph’s neck, then whatever venom it injected had to be potent and fast-acting given how quickly things were deteriorating. “Don’t bother bandaging it. Keep the wound and surrounding area clean and continue monitoring his vitals. He’ll need antibiotics as well.”

“Mom…” April said, the question written all over her face.

“We just have to wait for Leo to bring back the antivenom,” Carol said. She made sure her voice and demeanor radiated calm despite the sinking feeling taking shape in her gut.

Grabbing one of the blankets brought in, Carol laid it over Raph’s legs and torso when she heard the pained groan coming from her patient.

“Raph, honey, can you open your eyes for me?” she asked as she removed his mask. She tried not to react to the scar tissue around his right eye but it was impossible not to show her concern for the hurts suffered by someone so young. “It’s Carol. April’s mom.”

“...ugh…hrmm…mom…?” the snapper whispered. There was a quiet hopefulness in his voice that Carol didn’t understand, though the crestfallen look on April’s face told her plenty. “...don’ feel…feel good…”

“I know, baby. I know,” Carol soothed, stroking the snapper’s cheek. “You look a little worse for wear, but your family’s here and we’re gonna make sure you feel better soon, okay?”

“...f-fam’ly…?” Raph seemed to be preternaturally aware of his surroundings despite his current situation. Tears fell from his still closed eyes, dripping on the floor. “...’m s’rry…’m s’rry…’m s’rry…”

Mikey rushed around, taking Carol’s place by Raph’s head. “It’s okay, Raphie. It’s okay.”

“...’m s’rry…’m s’rry…’m s’rry…” Raph continued to sob. Carol had no idea why Raphael was apologizing or why Mikey looked so distraught over it. Donnie was frozen in place, unable to process the intense emotions radiating from his youngest and oldest brothers. Everyone was on edge and she couldn’t help but think of those long shifts at the ER and the distressed faces of countless family members agonizing over scraps of information as they waited for news on whether their loved one would live or die.

The distinct WHOOSH and ZAP of Leo’s portal brought the red-eared slider right into the thick of it. The change from panicked and worried sibling to Team Leader was instantaneous as he placed a small bottle of Antivenin into Donnie’s hand.

“Can you do your science magic and make something in a doohickey with this and the sample you took from Raph?” Leo asked as he put himself in his brother’s line of sight.

He had to assume the antivenom wouldn’t work exactly as intended given the many anatomical differences between humans and turtles of the mutant variety. Better to get the genius working on something effective as soon as possible. Donnie seemed to snap himself out of the trance of concern and frustration, his brain processing Leo’s words before he gave the slider a proper glare of annoyance.

“Call it science magic again and I’ll make sure the only music that plays on any of your devices is Kidz Bop covers,” the genius threatened.

“Deal,” Leo said.

“And to answer your question: yes, I can but it’ll take time to analyze and synthesize something useful. Necrosis has already set in…”

Leo grimaced, his mind already filtering through the worst possible outcomes before throwing them out the metaphorical window. He gripped Donnie’s shoulder, squeezing with confidence.

“Then you’d better get to work.”

***

Donnie surprised even himself with the speed in which he was able to create a new antivenom. It was still the longest two hours of their lives but the time saved kept the damage from necrosis at a minimum. Painkillers kept Raph from feeling most of it, but he couldn’t stay conscious for very long; passing out somewhere between SERA clearing damaged tissue and the first injection. He didn’t stop mumbling his apologies the entire time.

Carol still sent Leo back to the pharmacy for antibiotics and once she was sure Raph was stable she gave the turtles and Splinter instructions on how to care for him going forward. As much as April’s mother wanted to stay, and tried to stay, they eventually convinced her that she had to go home and get some sleep before her shift started at the hospital. Carol, however, made the boys promise to keep her updated and text her if anything changed for the worse before she even entertained the idea of leaving Raph’s side. When the portal closed on the O’Neils returning to April’s apartment, all that remained was the oppressive silence of guilt and uncertainty.

“I…I will go make some broth,” Splinter finally said, though it was hard to tell if he was talking to his children or pushing himself into action. “Red usually needs broth to settle his stomach when he is unwell.”

He placed a soft kiss on Raph’s head before shuffling out of the infirmary, though the low hang of his head and the drag of his tail were not lost on his sons. Their father needed time to think and if he had to escape to the kitchen to do it, then it was better than falling into his old depressive habits. He couldn’t retreat this time. Not when Raph needed him most.

As was expected, Donnie went to work running diagnoses and recalibrating any piece of medical equipment he could get his hands, and his battle shell hands, on. Sure, everything was running fine, but it could be better, more efficient. The better something worked, the faster Raph would recover. SERA dutifully followed him around the infirmary until he set his sights on them and “remembered” he had several updates to install. Mikey and Leo watched it all happen, though neither were inclined to stop their genius brother. This was how Donnie coped and they couldn’t fault the softshell’s need for a distraction.

That left Leo and Mikey watching over Raph. The youngest placed his hand on the oldest’s forehead, rubbing soothing circles as he tried to smooth out the distress. It was one of Raph’s techniques for getting them to sleep when they were kids. Nothing conked them out faster than a forehead rub and some gentle humming from the snapper. But Raph didn’t appear comforted by the gesture. His brow remained furrowed, his body wound tight with unease even while unconscious.

“He’s still coming down from the adrenaline, Mikey,” Leo said. He could see the disappointment on the box turtle’s face when Raph didn’t relax under his ministrations. Mikey prided himself on being a calming presence to all of his family and Raph was easily the most susceptible to the youngest’s charms. Seeing it fail wasn’t exactly reassuring but Leo didn’t want his baby brother to think the failure was on his end.

“Leo?”

“Yeah?”

“Are we…are we bad brothers?”

Mikey looked up at his older brother faster than Leo could disguise the shame and surprise that flashed across his face. As much as Leo was used to the laser-focused questions Dr. Feelings could throw at them, this one lacked the usual provocating smugness, which meant it was pure, unfiltered Michelangelo Hamato. Somehow, that made the question worse and Leo struggled to find an answer satisfactory enough to comfort his little brother.

So, he didn’t.

“...No, Mikey…I don’t think we’re bad brothers,” Leo said. “We’re just…we’re brothers and, sometimes, we lose sight of each other even if we’re in the same room. And Raph…I think Raph let himself be invisible for a long time…”

It almost felt like a betrayal to accuse Raph of allowing himself to disappear into the background, but Leo couldn’t get over the fact that there were plenty of opportunities where Raph could have been honest with them and chose silence. Then again, would they have actually listened or would they have blown him off like so many times before? It’s not like their oldest brother didn’t have cause for keeping his feelings locked away. Half of his list of grievances from earlier were based in truth. It was easy to shift responsibility to the one turtle who seemed the most willing to take it on. It was even easier to shift blame to the same turtle when he presented himself as the most present authority figure in their lives. It’s not like Raph wasn’t immune to a crash out when his frustration boiled over, but this time felt different. Regardless of the yokai involvement, Raph was always headed towards a volcanic eruption of emotions.

“So what do we do?” Mikey asked, startling Leo out of his thoughts.

“...We…we help him,” Leo answered simply. “We act like brothers and we help him…because we love him and we know how much he loves us.”

That seemed like an answer enough for Mikey. The youngest returned to making the slow, methodical circles on Raph’s forehead, only this time there was a little extra magic behind it. Literally. Leo watched as Mikey took in deep, measured breaths, letting them in and out in rhythm with the movement of his thumb along Raph’s scales. With each completed motion, a soft glow of orange light grew and with it the pained expression on Raph’s face smoothed out and his body finally relaxed into a deep sleep.

Leo took note of the tiny cracks forming on Mikey’s finger, pulling his little brother away from the bed when they started climbing up his hand. In the brief moment where the cracks touched Raph's scales, they both saw the snapper absorb some of the mystic runoff, like he couldn't help but relieve his little brother of any potential pain even while unconscious. The box turtle didn’t seem upset or unfazed by the abrupt end of his aid, like he’d trusted Leo to know when enough was enough.

“Okay…that’s…new,” Leo said.

“Yeah,” Mikey whispered, sounding just as surprised by what he'd done. “Maybe we can keep it on the down low, for now? I - I don’t wanna worry anyone o-or make a big deal outta nothing.”

Leo gave his little brother a hard once-over, trying to determine how much the situation called for a cool older brother versus a practical leader. Mikey didn’t look hurt or in pain. The cracks had already disappeared. It was a minor bit of magic used to help their oldest brother, hardly on the same level as a time and space shattering portal.

“Fine, but we are talking about this at some point,” Leo said, tapping Mikey on the snout. “Ninpō and mystics related secrets have a bad habit of poor timing in this family, so let’s try to get ahead of the problem before it’s a problem. For once.”

“Deal,” Mikey said, hugging Leo as if to seal their agreement. The slider gladly returned it.

“Now go help dad or wrangle Donnie,” Leo ordered. “I’m gonna stay with Raph tonight.”

Mikey nodded. The youngest turtle took Raph’s nearest hand and gave it a squeeze before exiting the infirmary. Once he was ostensibly alone, Leo let the mask fall away, sighing heavily as he fell into a nearby chair. Like Mikey, he gripped Raph’s hand, squeezing tightly to let his brother know he was there as he pressed his forehead against the snapper’s arm.

“What’re we gonna do, Raph?” he asked. “What’re we gonna do?”

***

Raph was awake and alert within twenty-four hours, another win for their enhanced healing factor and mutant DNA. The snapper was quick to offer some explanations for the previous night, which mostly amounted to revealing the yokai’s name. Even with the intel gathered, no one was pushing to confront Big Mama any time soon, though Donnie was quite eager to try an experimental spider repellent based on the samples he’d collected. If Portia tried to attack again, he was going to make it the most unpleasant experience possible.

After offering up anything he could remember about the previous night, and hearing about the parts he couldn’t remember, Raph began his full retreat. If someone asked him a question, he gave monosyllabic answers or grunts. When they changed the bandage on his neck or took new vitals, he stayed silent and still. He flat out refused to look anyone in the eye, turning away in shame despite the constant stream of reassurances from his family that everything was okay.

Splinter tried to have a heart-to-heart with his eldest, but Raph wasn’t hearing it. The boys thought they could get through to the big guy and the snapper quickly turned them away. The food Mikey made was barely touched. Leo’s levity was met with indifference. Donnie couldn’t get two steps into the infirmary before Raph started hyperventilating, which left the softshell confused and hurt. He was fine. Raph was fine now. Everything was fine.

Except, it wasn’t fine.

When he was given the all clear to leave the infirmary, Raph shuffled back to his room, shut the door, and refused to leave. No amount of cajoling, annoying, pleading, begging, or bargaining could snap the oldest turtle out of his funk. When they dared breach the doorway into Raph’s subway car, they were met with the stone cold silence of a turtle who’d spent most of his life waiting out his younger brothers. Eventually, they’d leave and Raph would be alone again. However, the boys supplemented their time not bothering Raph by watching Donnie’s constant feed from the camera hidden in the oldest’s room.

They avoided mentioning how much it reminded them of when Splinter would shut down. Sometimes he’d be down for a day, other times a week, leaving his sons to fend for themselves. Eventually, he’d snap out of it and shower them with affection and promises of being better right before another episode would start the cycle over again. And through it all, Raph held them together. He kept them on a schedule, ensuring the routine stayed consistent to counter Splinter’s inconsistent behavior. He did most of the chores until they were able to help. He kept them distracted with games and excursions to the surface. He encouraged their hobbies, always willing to assist Leo with a card trick or readying a fire extinguisher for Donnie’s inventions or Mikey’s experiments in the kitchen. Their father’s love and attention were precious commodities, but Raph’s were free of charge and readily available. The boys knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Raph would always be there when they needed him.

Unfortunately, they’d never considered what would happen if Raph was the one in need. His absence around the lair, his silent convalescence, was a painful reminder of the work he’d put into being a pillar of security and love. A pillar they’d regularly taken for granted. After three days of Raph staying curled up on his bed, eating only half of the meals Mikey left for him, and frequently waking up from nightmares, if he bothered to sleep, the boys knew it was time to call in the big guns.

***

April could feel the tension in the air as she entered the subway station. Splinter was in his chair, watching television, but he wasn’t really watching television. He was staring listlessly at the screen, seeing something that definitely wasn’t on cable or satellite. In all the years she’d known him, April never once doubted the rat’s love for his children. She’d seen the pride and admiration he had for his boys as they grew into young men, but she also saw the regret he felt for keeping them at arms length for so long. Doubly so, she could see the shame in his eyes whenever he witnessed Raph take point as caregiver. The snapper’s love was unconditional, a deep well of comfort, safety, and a dash of sternness, but he was just as much a child as his brothers. Splinter knew that and still…he allowed Raph to carry the world on his shell. They all allowed it and continued to pile on top of him. The weight proved too much this time around.

“Hey, Splints,” she said, resting a hand on his shoulder. “How ya holding up?”

His clawed hand found hers, giving a small squeeze. When he looked up at her, she could see the ledge he was walking on; a father trying to be strong for his children even as his mind screamed to withdraw.

“Today is better than yesterday,” Splinter said. “Hopefully, tomorrow will be better than today.”

She smiled at his mantra before leaning down to give him a hug. He returned it, his claws squeezing a bit harder than she was used to. It dawned on her that this was usually Raph’s routine with Splinter on his bad days and the old rat normally didn’t have to think about the pressure of his claws since Raph’s rough, nearly impenetrable scales could soak up the damage.

“Any change?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

Splinter shook his head. “No. Red is…still unwell.”

“Okay,” she said. “I’m gonna go check on him and the guys. See if there’s anything I can do. My mom’s been asking and I’m afraid of what she’s gonna do if I don’t get her an answer.”

“You are very much your mother’s daughter,” Splinter chuckled.

“Not gonna argue with that,” April agreed. “You should text them. My parents liked you and it might be good for you to have adult friends who aren’t Barry.”

“Draxum is not my friend,” Splinter insisted. “He is a nuisance, an awful influence on our boys, and he cheats at cards!”

“Sure,” she said, giving him a wink as she headed for the lower platform. “Just think about it.”

“Yes. Of course.”

She found the younger turtles camped out near Raph’s subway car, each of them trying to distract themselves while remaining close in case Raph suddenly decided he needed them. Donnie was doing yet another update on something in the lair, his eyes rapidly darting from Raph’s door to his gauntlet and back again. Mikey was sketching, his designs resembling old graffiti tags from the first lair she recognized on the skate ramp. Leo was attempting to read a comic, but the intense bounce of his leg gave away the nervous energy he couldn’t get rid of while his older brother continued to suffer. Instead of her usual boisterous announcement upon arrival, April made a point of sitting with her brothers, giving each a hug before venturing into the snapper’s room.

“Oh, April, take this with you,” Mikey said. He handed her a bag of pizza flavored chips. “He hasn’t eaten in a while, so…”

“Thanks, Mikey,” she said. She could feel their hopeful eyes on her back as she walked in and tried not to think about what might happen if she couldn’t get through to their brother.

On the spectrum of cleanliness, Raph’s car fell somewhere in the middle. It wasn’t as pristinely kept as Donnie’s but it also wasn’t a chaotic mess like Mikey’s. He and Leo somehow managed to find a happy medium between cluttered and lived in, which April always believed was a sign of how similar they were when it came to their roles as leaders and older brothers. They could shrug it off as coincidence, but April understood the need to create a safe, open space where younger siblings could find love and support. Raph had always set the example in that department.

The current layout of Raph’s car was half hangout and half gym. His weights, punching bags, and other equipment were neatly arranged at the far end while the section nearest the door was mostly taken up by his bed and various collections of comics, plushes, and wrestling memorabilia with just enough room for people to lounge comfortably. It reminded April of when they were kids, wandering into the old lair when it was relatively quiet and finding the boys gathered in Raph’s room just to hang out. Donnie was usually on the bed tinkering with something while Leo and Mikey helped Raph with his workout routine. The reverse was also true: Donnie sat in front of Raph, collecting data based on the snapper’s growth and strength, while Leo and Mikey were splayed out on the bed reading comics or watching videos. The funniest times were when Raph would lounge on his bed while his little brothers attempted to lift his baseline weight settings and fail spectacularly.

It broke April’s heart to see the room so devoid of joy, the red lanterns and fairy lights strung about giving off a warm glow that betrayed the misery felt by the giant turtle curled up in the corner of the bed. Raph always tried to make himself as small as possible when he was upset or sick. Mikey said it was likely a form of regressive behavior. The snapper saw himself as too big to be comforted or cared for like his brothers, so he tried to make himself small in remembrance of a time when he could still be held and given a sense of safety like he did for his family. Usually, the boys and April would surround the snapper with the warmth and weight of a turtle pile, countering Raph’s ideas of being a giant burden with their own narrative of big guys deserve big hugs.

Right now, though, Raph couldn’t be swayed like before. He was too deep in the muck of his own anxiety and guilt. April wasn’t sure what she could do, but she had to do something.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, she felt the air change as Raph realized he wasn’t alone. He tried to curl up even more, but there was nowhere else for him to go. It felt unfair to trap him like this, but April was determined to talk to her brother.

“I never answered your question,” she started. “You asked me why I waited so long to introduce you to my parents and…I’ve spent the last week thinking about it and…I think I was just…scared.”

She waited a moment, watching Raph’s body language. He didn’t move, but she could practically feel him holding his breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Wh-when I met you guys, I - I didn’t have any friends. I was the class weirdo. I had all this energy and a wild imagination but no one to share it with,” April continued. “I was alone. Lonely. And then I met you and you just accepted me. No questions, no odd looks. We matched. We got each other and…and then you called me your big sister and I…I didn’t want to lose that. I didn’t wanna lose you.”

She wiped at her eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears as she remembered those first few months of uncertainty, wondering when she was going to wake up from the dream of having the best friends and brothers she’d always wanted.

“I got it in my head that if I told my parents about y’all, they’d freak and they’d force me to stay away. I thought I’d have to choose and I - I think part of me always wanted to choose you,” she said. “I didn’t want to be alone again, so I never said anything. It was the easiest secret I ever kept because I was so scared of what would happen if I slipped up. I waited until now because I figured, as an adult, it wasn’t about choosing anymore. If they freaked it didn’t matter because I’d still have you guys and they couldn’t do anything about it.”

She felt a slight shift on the bed. Raph had uncurled a bit, the tension in his shoulders dropping as he continued to listen. Overall, it was a good sign.

“But I still screwed up,” April confessed, her voice breaking. “I never thought about how you felt. I know you guys love Splinter and he loves you, but I never gave you the option to have a second family like I did. You-you could’ve had more support, more love, more everything and I - I kept that from you and you…you never said anything…”

“...because I didn’t think I could,” Raph said, his voice frail and raspy.

The snapper carefully turned over, his body sinking into the mattress with exhaustion. He propped his head up with pillows, the tear tracks prominent on his maskless face. In his arms he held Cheech, his most beloved and longest lasting stuffed bear. It was the plush that got passed around the most when the turtles were sick or injured, like it was a stand-in for Raph when the big guy wasn’t available. Leo practically owned Cheech while he was recovering from the Kraang invasion and it took a lot of convincing for him to give the bear up once he was given the all clear.

April scooted a bit closer, but still gave Raph space. She didn’t want to ruin her progress and she knew Raph was in a vulnerable place.

“I didn’t wanna jinx anything,” Raph said. “I figured the reason ya didn’t want them to meet us - meet me - was ‘cause I’m - I’m not as easy to look at. Not like my brothers. The guys and I were so happy to have ya in our lives an’ I thought…I thought if I asked ‘bout yer mom I’d - I’d ruin it.”

April tentatively reached out, her fingers brushing against Raph’s, asking permission to offer the comfort he so desperately wanted. Raph hesitated, unsure if he deserved it, but gave in within seconds as he gripped his sister’s hand.

“I’m sorry,” April sniffled as she leaned against him. “I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t ask or - or that you had to be perfect for anyone to love you. You never put that pressure on me, Raph and I…I…”

He tugged her closer, resting his forehead against hers.

“I’m sorry I yelled and…I’m sorry I scared ya,” he said, new tears bubbling to the surface. “Raph didn’t mean to.”

April shook her head. “I wasn’t scared of you, big guy. You were mad, but you were so sad, too. I was scared that we’d - that I’d - hurt you so much that I couldn’t fix it. And I don’t wanna be part of a family that doesn’t have you in it.”

The tears were nonstop as April curled up in her brother’s arms. Raph wrapped around her, protecting her from the worst of the world like he always did and like he always would. She was his sister, his fellow older sibling, and he was prepared to burn the world down if it meant keeping her safe. He’d do the same for any member of his family and they all knew it. It was one of Donnie’s universal truths.

When they were finally all cried out, April held up another offering.

“Can I interest you in a pizza chip?” she asked, presenting the crumpled bag.

“Tha’s gotta be mostly crumbs,” Raph chuckled. April shrugged.

“Pizza dust never hurt anyone. Besides, I think Mikey would feel better knowing you ate something,” she said. The momentary reprieve from his sadness came to an abrupt end at the mention of his youngest brother.

“Yeah. Mebbe,” he said.

“Raph, it’s okay,” April said, pressing against him a bit harder in lieu of a proper hug. “We all love you. It doesn’t matter what you said. Well, it matters, but - you know what I mean. Families fight and miscommunicate and do all kinds of crazy things but we’re still here. And those boys are not leaving you alone. Not for anything.”

When Raph remained silent, April sighed, unsure if she’d gotten through. Absentmindedly, she tore the raggedy bag of chips open. Sure enough, there were plenty of crumbs, but…

“Lookit that,” April said, presenting Raph with a fully intact pizza chip. “All that damage and it’s still whole.”

Raph looked at the chip, practically cross-eyed given how close she’d brought it to his face. A smile slowly grew, just enough for his snaggletooth to poke through. His still weepy eyes found hers, but she could see that hint of Hamato mischievousness set in.

“That was so corny you could feed chickens for a year!” Raph said.

“Oh, shut it!” April said, tossing the chip at him. Raph caught it easily in his mouth, munching happily. Satisfied that things were a bit better than when she’d first arrived, April continued to fish out the solid bits of chip left and toss them at her brother.

***

When Raph woke up he knew he wasn’t alone in the very literal sense. There were more bodies in the room than there had been after April left. He’d fallen asleep not long after, exhausted from days of guilt-ridden insomnia and nightmares followed by an emotional conversation with his sister. One second he was staring at a weathered Lou Jitsu poster salvaged from the old lair, the next he was groggily regarding a pajama-clad Donnie sitting near his bed with a video game console in hand. But Donnie wasn’t the only one in the room. He could feel Leo stretched out at the foot of the bed, the slightly deeper dip on the slider’s side indicating that Mikey was there and had gone full shell-mode as he slept.

“Good evening, Raphala,” Donnie said, glancing at him above his console. “Sleep well?”

“Donnie? Wh-what’re you…?”

He tried to remain calm, but he could feel the anxiety building its way up his shell. Donnie was barely an arm’s length away. Raph could hurt him again. Why weren’t they more concerned? Why didn’t anyone take his fears seriously?

“Before you say anything, just know that Leo and I are invoking Middle Child Nonsense and Mikey is playing the Baby Brother card,” Donnie said, still keeping his eyes on his game.

“For what?” Raph asked, confusion shaking him out of his mini spiral.

“So we can override your Oldest Brother authority and take care of you,” Donnie explained. Raph tried to interject, but Donnie was quicker to interrupt. “No! None of that! We’ve made up our minds and there’s nothing you can say that will alter this course of action. However, if you decide to physically remove us from the premises, we cannot stop you, but be prepared for us to return in what will become an extremely annoying cycle of catch and release.”

The practicality with which Donnie spoke, coupled with his usual monotone delivery, caused a chuckle to escape Raph’s mouth. Donnie smiled slightly, encouraged by the reaction, but he clocked when the snapper’s mood shifted.

“Donnie, I--”

“Please don’t apologize again,” Donnie groaned. “You didn’t do anyth--”

“I did everything wrong,” Raph said. The snapper abruptly sat up, his foot pushing Leo in the process, sending the slider and the box turtle off the bed with a chirp of surprise.

“We’re okay,” Leo said as he tossed Mikey back on the bed. Raph didn’t seem to hear them. He was too intensely focused on Donnie and convincing his genius brother that all blame fell squarely on the snapper’s shoulders.

“I shoulda tried harder to talk to you guys instead’a puttin' pressure on myself,” Raph started. “I shoulda left the second I thought sumthin’ was wrong instead’a waitin’ ‘til the last second. I made myself angrier. I - I yelled! I scared everyone! I…I h-hurt you.”

“I see. You’re also conveniently leaving out that you were affected by a yokai’s bite that stimulated chemical reactions in your brain to increase production of adrenaline and corticosterone, which made your body think it was in a constant state of distress, which caused tremendous amounts of pain, thus making your responses to even minor inconveniences more aggressive,” Donnie pointed out. “You were simultaneously experiencing an anxiety spiral, a panic attack, and you nearly suffered from a myocardial infarction.”

“Pffft,” Leo snorted, “infarction.”

Donnie threw his game console at Leo. “It’s a heart attack, dum-dum!”

“I know that, Tweedle Dee!” Leo said. “I can still find the word funny.”

“But…I…” Raph tried to add.

“And you’re wrong about doing everything wrong,” Donnie said. He leaned forward, almost daring Raph to back away. “My surveillance footage of the lair shows you attempted every coping technique in your repertoire. Had it been under normal circumstances, your efforts would’ve been far more effective.”

“Normal,” Raph whispered, scrubbing a hand down his face in frustration. “When has anything in our lives been normal? Guy can’t even get angry without it bein’ ev’rybody’s problem.”

“Raph, you know it’s a leeeetle more serious than that,” Leo chided.

“You could’ve died,” Mikey said, scooting closer. “You could’ve died and we…we didn’t even notice…”

“No, Mikey, don’t,” Raph pleaded, turning to his baby brother. “It’s not your fault. The things Raph said were…they…I…”

“They weren’t lies,” Leo said, his voice oddly calm. “You’ve been holding on to a lot of that for a long time, big brother.”

Raph glared at the slider, his body tensing like he expected a fight. “Yeah, I did. What was I supposta do with it, huh?”

“Tell us,” Mikey said, capturing Raph’s hand in a fierce grip. The snapper snorted, looking away.

“What good would it’ve done?” he grumbled. “You guys didn’t need that. Not from me.”

“Yeah? How’s that workin’ out, Raphie?” Leo pushed. “Are we any better off?”

“Nardo…” Donnie warned.

“Raph knows he screwed up,” Raph growled. “If I wasn’t so…angry, I coulda--”

“Nope! Bzzt! Wrong-a-ding-dong!” Leo said. “You being angry isn’t the problem.”

Raph stared at his younger brother, confusion written across his face. “It isn’t?”

“Are you kidding? Have you met us?” Leo said. “If I had to deal with me all the time, I’d be angry too!”

Raph looked like he wanted to object, the protective older brother ready to come to his sibling’s rescue even if it was just a joke at his own expense. A lifetime of being around Leo, however, told Raph that the slider was doing what he always did, covering up his insecurities with humor. He felt Mikey squeeze his hand again, returning his attention to his youngest brother.

“The problem is you thought you had to keep the worst of it hidden from us,” Mikey said. “You didn’t think we’d understand or - or sympathize…because we haven’t always given you a reason to think we would.”

“...Mikey…” Raph whispered, the weakness of his protest revealing plenty.

“Do you hate us?” Mikey asked, his bluntness dropping the temperature in the room almost instantly.

Everyone froze as they waited for Raph to answer, like the question had been on all their minds and Mikey was the only one brave enough to ask. Deep down, none of them believed the snapper had the ability to hate anyone in their family. However, it wasn’t hard to draw a map from the eagerly dutiful child to a resentful teenager if the events of their lives had gone in a different direction. Their family dynamic was a direct result of Raph’s care and the responsibilities he’d taken on in Splinter’s absence. Where would they have landed without him? What could they do if his heart was already broken beyond repair?

Fighting the stunned sluggishness of his body, Raph quickly alleviated their fears. “What?! No! Never! You guys didn’t know ‘cause Raph didn’t want ya to know!”

“So you still don’t trust us?” Leo asked, though it sounded more like an accusation.

“It ain’t about trust!” Raph snapped. Leo didn’t seem convinced.

“Then what is it about?” Donnie asked, his curiosity genuine.

“I don’t get to be mad like you guys. It’s different for me. Always has been,” Raph began. “Raph has to be careful. All the time. My strength a-and my spikes…I can do damage jus’ bein’ in the corner of a room. If I lose control…if I slip up…someone could get hurt.” He looked at Donnie, scanning him for any signs he was still injured from being thrown across the dojo. The softshell gave him a reassuring smile, nodding that he was okay. It didn’t make the anxiety go away entirely, but the grip it had on his heart lessened.

“And when I get angry…When I get really angry…ev’rything’s worse. I’m worse. And I don’t want you guys to hafta deal with that.”

“But, Raph…bottling it up isn’t good either,” Mikey said. “Everything you said in the dojo…it’s not nothing. I-it’s a lifetime of thoughts and emotions you never felt safe enough to share because--”

“Because I wanted you to have at least one person to rely on. Someone who wouldn’t fall apart all the time,” Raph interrupted, his jaw set bitterly. “Couldn’t even do that, could I? Choking’s what I do best.”

“Oh…Raphie…” Mikey said, tears freely falling down his round cheeks. “It’s okay to fall apart. I do it all the time. I even schedule it in advance!”

“Not when it matters,” Raph argued, ignoring his little brother’s attempt at levity. “Wh-what’s the point of me if I can’t protect you? Why do I got all this power a-and strength when ev’rything’s so…”

“Fragile?” Donnie offered when it looked like Raph couldn’t quite grasp the word he was looking for.

“...nah, more like breakable,” Raph said.

“Okay, those are basically the same words, but whatever,” Donnie grumbled.

“I jus’...ya shouldn’t hafta be scared of me losin’ it.”

“And you shouldn’t hafta be scared of losing it,” Mikey countered. “You asked when you get to be mad? Be mad. Right now. You can do it and we’ll still be here! I’m not going anywhere!”

Raph seemed to think it over, his mind doing the quick math of what being angry in the moment would look like. As much as he’d been holding it all in for so long, all he could really muster up was an exhausted sigh. “No, Mikey…You don’t deserve that.”

“And what do you deserve, Raph?” Leo asked. Raph looked away again, unable to answer his brother’s question. Still, he pulled his baby brother in, wrapping a huge arm around him as the box turtle continued to cry. Mikey couldn’t help but sink against his oldest brother, comforted by the strength surrounding him.

“You’re not the reason we lack a maternal element to this family,” Donnie said, causing everyone to look at the softshell. The genius was wearing his “serious scientist” face, eyes focused, fingers steepled, mouth set in a thin line that might almost be interpreted as a grimace. “You are, by far, the most lovable individual. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a villain and a scoundrel. I have never lacked for anything when it comes to you, Raph.”

“Donnie…” Raph said, trying not to overwhelm his brother with too much emotion. Mikey squeezed tighter, clearly moved by their brother’s attempt at comforting the snapper.

Suddenly uncomfortable, Donnie rubbed at his arm. “I - uh - I thought you should know.”

“Okay, mis hermanos, it’s time to make a deal,” Leo started. “It won’t happen overnight and it’ll take, like, work or whatever, but we have to stop hiding from each other. We’ve gotta do that thing Mikey’s always talking about. Um…help me out here, Miguel…”

“Open communication?” Mikey said, his deadpan eerily similar to Donnie’s.

“Yeah, that! We openly communicate! We check in and we let ourselves feel stuff,” Leo said, proud of himself for devising such a plan. He turned to Raph, his eyes bright and imploring. “We make sure someone like Portia or Big Mama or anybody else can’t take away what’s most important.”

Leo put his hand out between his brothers. “Deal?”

Mikey slapped his hand on Leo's immediately. “Deal!”

“You know verbal agreements can only be enforced under specific parameters in the state of New York--”

“Donnie!” Leo and Mikey shouted.

“Fine! Deal, he said without a lawyer present,” Donnie said, placing his hand atop the others.

“We’ll get you one for Christmas,” Leo said.

“If I get a lawyer before I get uranium, I’m going to be very displeased, Nardo,” Donnie said.

The younger turtles looked to their big brother, watching him with hopeful eyes. Raph stared back, thoughts churning at what such a deal entailed. Would he be able to fulfill his end? He didn’t want to burden his brothers with all of the swirling anxieties and fears that riddled his mind but…he also didn’t want to be alone with them either. Maybe they all felt that way and Leo’s deal was the excuse they needed to allow themselves a way to communicate. This could be a good thing if he let it be.

His snaggletooth poked through the smile tugging at his face. With his free hand, he reached over to Leo, cupping his cheek fondly before playfully pushing the slider’s face away. He pulled Mikey in closer, giving him a tight squeeze and a nuzzle. Mindful of the maximum amount of social and physical interaction the softshell could tolerate, Raph gave Donnie a wink and a nod, which the genius happily returned. Carefully, he placed his much larger hand on his brothers’, holding all three like precious stones.

“Deal,” Raph said. The collective sigh of relief from his brothers brought a prickle of tears to his eyes.

“Okay…soooooooo now what?” Donnie asked once the comfortable silence had stretched for too long.

Leo shrugged. “Turtle pile on Raph until he suffocates from affection?”

“Devious plan, brother,” Donnie said, his brow pinched in consideration. “I like it!”

“Uh, actually, could we head to the kitchen first,” asked the snapper. “Raph’s kinda hungry.”

Banishing the tears from his eyes, Mikey practically glowed with glee. “Wonder of wonders! Miracle of miracles! He’s hungry!! TO THE KITCHEN!”

Immediately, the box turtle jumped on Raph’s shoulders, motioning with his entire body for his oldest brother to start moving. 

“C’mon, people, we’re losing daylight!” Mikey said.

“It’s 8pm,” Leo said.

“All the more reason to vamooses your cabooses!” Mikey shouted.

Raph playfully nudged the slider in the ribs. “He’s startin’ to sound like you."

“Oy…that can’t be good,” Leo said, horror dawning on him immediately.

“You’re tellin’ me,” Raph chuckled. Lifting himself off the bed, Raph kept a secure hold on Mikey’s ankles even as the box turtle continued to squirm and fidget in an attempt to get him moving faster. “Alright, big man, I’m goin’. I’m goin’.”

“Whaddya feel like, big guy?” Mikey asked as he wrapped his arms around his big brother’s neck. “Pasta? Hand-tossed pizza? Mashed potatoes and gravy? Thanksgiving dinner? A birthday cake?!”

Raph let out a deep laugh, one that came from his belly and rumbled its way along his shell. “Anything you make, Raph’ll eat.”

“I will only use this power for good,” Mikey said, hugging Raph tighter.

“Boooooooo!” Donnie said.

The box turtle continued to list any food item or meal he was prepared to make for his brother as the quartet made their way to the kitchen. From his chair in the living room, Splinter smiled to himself as the warmth and camaraderie of his sons permeated the lair. He wasn’t sure when Red would be ready to talk to him, but for now it was enough that his boys were whole again. 

He settled into his chair, ready to turn on the projector. He stopped himself, remembering what April said about her parents. Reaching for his phone, Splinter sent a quick text to his honorary daughter asking for her parents’ phone numbers.

***

Raph nervously paced the length of the family room. Back and forth, back and forth, biting his nails until they were practically nubbins. His brothers sat on the couch, watching him as he walked back and forth, back and forth.

“Donnie, what’s the time?” Raph asked.

“Siiiiiiiiigh, it’s two minutes from the last time you asked, Raph,” Donnie complained. He then looked at his gauntlet. “It’s 4:55pm.”

“Okay, okay, that’s good. That’s fine. No reason to be early. Right on time is good,” Raph muttered as he continued pacing.

“Want me to go get--?” Leo started.

“No! Heh-heh, uh, no, no we said 5pm and that’s what time they’ll be here,” Raph said. He could feel the sweat gathering on his brow, his fingers twitching as he tried to wipe it away. “Mikey, stink check.”

Mikey leaned forward, giving the room a cursory whiff. Dissatisfied with the results, he stood on the couch and took in a massive breath through his nostrils to the point that all of his brothers could see his neck veins. Leo was easily the most impressed. Breath taken, Mikey let out the air through his mouth in a volume appropriate gasp, tasting it on his tongue.

“Hmmm…more like a taleggio but could easily move into limburger territory,” Mikey said.

“Why did we let him use the cheese board method?” Donnie asked.

“Because Mikey’s assessment is easier to digest than your codebreaker nonsense,” Leo said smugly.

“Spray me down!” Raph said. Each brother grabbed an air freshener - all the same scent, they weren’t monsters! - and engulfed Raph in a cloud of strawberry shortcake. It might’ve been too much as all four turtles ended up coughing amidst the overwhelming olfactory experience.

When he could breathe again, Leo asked, “Doin’ okay there, Raphie?”

“Do I look good?” Raph asked. “Should I get my decorative sais? Is my mask too scratched up? W-what if I put an R on my belt? So they know it’s me?”

“Relax, hermano, everything’s gonna be fine,” Leo said, placing a comforting hand on his big brother’s arm. “Remember: they asked us if they could come over. They wanna meet you!”

Raph nodded, though he still looked unconvinced. “Yeah…but what if they don’t--?”

Mikey smashed his hands against Raph’s face, squishing his cheeks as far in as they’d go. “THEY. WILL. LOVE YOU. DO NOT. FIGHT ME. ON THIS.”

“And if they don’t, I’ll simply enact my revenge - in your name, of course - in such a way that they will regret ever having spurned you,” Donnie proclaimed. “Though I haven’t quite settled on the method. Which do you love more as an expression of disappointment and loathing: melon-only gift baskets delivered daily or Christmas carolers posted outside their door for an indeterminate amount of time who only sing one song?”

“...sometimes I’m really scared of how your brain works, Dee,” Raph said.

“Eeeeeviiiiil Laugh! Good,” Donnie said.

“But thanks, all the same,” Raph continued. He gathered up his little brothers, hugging them close. “I appreciate ev’rything you guys are doin’ to help.”

It was at that moment they heard the familiar POP and smelt the burst of sulfur as Mayhem completed his teleportation. The little yokai stood proudly and waited for praise after transporting April and her parents on time and halfway across the city without a single mystic incident. April dutifully picked Mayhem up and smothered him in pets and kisses. Her parents still looked a shade paler than normal.

“Hey guys!” April said.

“Oh, I think I’m gonna be sick…” Julius said. One hand was on his stomach, the other hovering over his mouth. Carol was doing slightly better, though she was definitely taking some deeper than normal breaths.

“I’m not gonna say ‘I told you so,’ but I did offer another sword portal,” Leo said.

“Where’s Splints?” April asked.

“Papá will return home after he and Draxum conclude their weekly card game,” Donnie explained.

“Even though he totally cheats,” Mikey added.

Realizing he was still holding his brothers, Raph gently released them, though each one managed to relay a final squeeze of encouragement before stepping away. Taking a deep, calming breath, Raph tried to remind himself that nothing bad was going to happen. This was good. He was good and everyone wanted to be there with him. He stood up straight, adjusted his mask, and gave an awkward little wave to April’s parents.

“Um…h-hi, April’s parents - uh - I-I mean, Mr. and Mrs. O’Neil,” he said. April gave him a sympathetic smile. She walked over, taking his hand in hers, and led him just a little bit closer.

“Raph, these are my parents, Carol and Julius,” April said. “Mom. Dad. This is my brother, Raph.”

Like before, Carol approached first. She saw her daughter’s smaller hand held with care by the larger, three-fingered hand covered in green scales. Raph stood a head above all of them, but she could see the slouch of his shoulders as he tried to appear smaller, more palatable. He offered a slight smile, trying to avoid showing his snaggletooth. He didn’t want to make them uncomfortable or inadvertently intimidate them, but all Carol could see was a scared child yearning for acceptance and love. She couldn’t imagine a world where he was ever denied them. Looking behind the giant snapper, she could see his little brothers readying themselves in case they had to do unspeakable things in Raph’s honor. It oddly put her more at ease to see the level of ride or die amongst the Hamatos. April had chosen the right people to be family.

“Well…you definitely look better than the last time I saw you,” Carol said. “How’re you feeling?”

Raph’s smile widened, glad to have an answer to her question. “Better. Much better. Thank you for ev’rything you did, Mrs. O’Neil. I’m sorry I--”

“Mom,” Carol interjected.

The air changed swiftly as all eyes shifted to April’s mom, though April didn’t seem all that surprised.

“Wh-what?” Raph asked.

“Or Carol,” she said. “Whichever you’re comfortable with. The four of you and April have been through so much together. We only saw a fraction of that the night you were hurt, but it was enough.”

Carol reached up, holding Raph’s face in her hands. His eyes were already wet with tears, which she gently brushed away. “So, if April’s your sister and you’re her brothers, then that means I’m your mom. If you want.”

“Say yes, Raph!” Donnie said. “She understands the transitive property! She’s automatically smarter than half this family!”

“Donnie!” Leo, Mikey, and April shouted.

“What?! It’s not my fault you’re all failures at basic mathematical concepts!” Donnie shouted back.

“Raph?” Carol asked, her voice laced with concern at the snapper’s silence.

Raph still looked stunned, like his brain couldn’t quite comprehend what was being asked of him. But there was something else simmering in the background. His dark, soulful eyes were looking for the lie. He was trying to figure out if what he was experiencing was real or just a sick joke.

Sensing his distress, Carol pulled him closer and whispered, “It’s not a joke or a prank. This is very real.”

“P-promise?” Raph asked, his voice thick from tears.

“Cross my heart,” she said.

Raph nodded. “Okay…mom.”

She felt his arms close around her as he lifted her off the ground in a pleasantly tight hug. April was right, they were the best. They were soon joined by the others, each sibling finding their favorite spot to keep the hug going.

“Wait,” Mikey said, “if you’re our mom, then that means…NEW DAD!”

The youngest immediately jumped from his perch atop Raph’s shell and threw himself at Julius O’Neil. The poor man had only just gotten his stomach to settle. He didn’t see the blaze of Hamato fire coming as it latched on to his waist in a crushing hug.

“H-hey, what’s going - OOF!!”

“You alright, hun?” Carol asked.

“I’ll survive…I think,” Julius responded.

“Dude, we’ve already got, like, two dads!” Leo said. “No offense, Mr. O.”

“None taken,” Julius said as he gingerly returned Mikey’s hug.

“Don’t worry, Leo, you’ll get used to it,” Raph said. He looked down at April and Carol. “There’s always room for more in this family.”

“Ugh, fine, but next year we’re doing Secret Santas,” Leo groaned. “I can’t afford that many presents.”

“Worry not, Carol, Leo has never and will never touch our finances,” Donnie reassured. “You will be appropriately compensated during the holiday season.”

“I’m sure I will,” Carol laughed. “But since we have several months before that’s an issue, why don’t we focus on something more manageable?”

“Like what?” Raph asked.

“Dinner. I’m thinking…pizza?” Carol said.

“Mom, I don’t think you know what you’ve done,” April warned, trying to hide her grin.

“What do you mean, baby?”

“Gentleman, it’s time to consult the pizza pie chart,” Donnie said, projecting the elaborately crafted tables and spreadsheets with his gauntlet. The boys scanned the layout, taking into consideration the last place they’d eaten, the amount of pizzas ordered, and the array of toppings employed.

April nudged her mother, leaning into her side.

“Welcome to the family.”