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Inhale.
Exhale.
Sometimes your day just isn't meant to be good. Sometimes you wake up to your girlfriend’s cat’s puke at the bottom of your bed, little bastard once again chewing on one of those uber fancy Orchides said girlfriend keeps buying.
What an idiot. He has that fancy diet food perfectly prepped by r̶e̶d̶a̶c̶t̶e̶d̶ yet still insists on gobbling up some fucked up plant that doesn’t even taste good.
But not all is lost, right?
Inhale.
Exhale.
Just like her therapists taught her.
Sure, Jinx grumbles, cussing out every possible thing in existence the moment her heel comes in contact with something cold and gooey. Bad habit of tossing and turning before getting out of bed, at this point she should know better.
So now here she is. Awkwardly limping on one foot towards the bathroom, pointedly ignoring r̶e̶d̶a̶c̶t̶e̶d̶ in the living room. Dressed up for work yet still sitting there. Some ads running on TV screen. And here goes her hope of avoiding another long ass dialogue (more like a monologue) that will for sure take up all of the already lacking free time Jinx has this morning.
Fan-fucking-tastic.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Bathroom is shitty. Moldy wallpaper (yes, wallpaper. What idiot puts fucking wallpaper in the bathroom?), rank towel that has not been changed in weeks matched by its side with a perfectly clean one. Warm too, no doubt. Near it on the wall some dark little speck crawling around. One smack and another black spot of dirt added to their walls. Moth flies. Drain flies or whatever they’re called. The whole room is infested with them. Honestly, Jinx isn't even sure if it's mold or moth dust on the wallpaper. Or maybe it was designed that way?
She really needs to get more bleach.
It is still a bathroom. And bathrooms tend to have a bath which means that yes, finally Jinx can stick her bile smushed foot under the cold spray of water, letting it wash away own the worst of it before picking up soap and going over it herself. Grabbing that perfectly soft towel and drying out her foot after.
Finally the day can be officially started. Brushing teeth, washing her face, spending far too long staring in the mirror at nimble fingers aimlessly trying and failing to pop not-yet-there pimples. Always thinking that she shouldn't do it yet not stopping. Always promising that next time she won't. Always doing it again next time she sees herself in the mirror ending up with reddened splotches all over her face.
She is no better than that stupid cat.
What was his name again?
Inhale.
Exhale.
Her hand coming up to the door handle.
Inhale.
Exhale
Her other hand clicking the light off in the bathroom.
Inhale.
Exhale.
She turns the handle, pushing the door open.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Easy smile getting perfectly slotted on her face.
“Morning, babe!” she hears in that annoyingly sweet voice. Just half an hour of this and r̶e̶d̶a̶c̶t̶e̶d̶ leaves.
Sometimes Jinx wonders if all of this charade is worth getting laid.
“Mornin’!” Jinx hums back, already dropping her ass on the screeching couch. Arm slung over r̶e̶d̶a̶c̶t̶e̶d̶ shoulder, pressing a quick morning kiss to far too perfect of a cheek earning a giggle. Daily ‘good girlfriend’ points scored. “Whatcha watchin’?” Jinx asks next, going through her pre-planned script.
And to that r̶e̶d̶a̶c̶t̶e̶d̶ head snaps to fully face Jinx, eyes shining bright. Oh boy. here it goes.
She always says Jinx is the most attentive girlfriend anyone could ask for.
Maybe today isn't even that bad. Maybe she can finish up her girlfriend duties before 6 pm, getting her hard earned fuck afterwards. Maybe she can even persuade r̶e̶d̶a̶c̶t̶e̶d̶ into trying-
~“Go-go Power rangers!”~ Intro started.
Jinx felt her gut swirl.
“‘Power rangers’! Mighty morphin ones!” r̶e̶d̶a̶c̶t̶e̶d̶ chirped out, her head already snapped back onto the TV playing that old show. “I saw the news about them filming a new series of ‘Power Rangers’ and got soooo nostalgic!” She continued, sighing dreamily. “ I always loved the pink one. I still remember talking everyone’s ears about them having two girls on the team and how cool it was and -"
“Turn it off.”
For once r̶e̶d̶a̶c̶t̶e̶d̶ seemed to cut her monologue short. Eyes going wide as the intro came to an end, episode starting.
Inhale.
“..What?” She asks stupidly, awkward smile twitching on her lips, eyebrows furrowing together. Unsure of what to feel.
Jinx can’t do it. Her chest feels too tight.
“Turn it off.” Jinx repeated. That smile she had always managed to keep was gone now. Her ears rang, skin tingling in a way that made her shiver and want to throw up at the same time.
Familiar.
Too familiar.
̶r̶e̶d̶a̶c̶t̶e̶d̶ wasn't moving, gaping at her with those wide blue eyes. Too stunned, too confused by her perfect girlfriend’s outburst.
The episode kept playing.
She can’t breathe.
“Turn it the fuck off!” Jinx finally barked out, snapping at her. Arm that was warmly slung over r̶e̶d̶a̶c̶t̶e̶d̶ shoulder now yanked itself away.
“Jinx-"
“Just- Fuuuuuuuuck!” Jinx groaned out, pushing herself off the couch a bit too quick for her current state. Vision going dark around edges, room all blurry. Those stupidly worried blue eyes looking at her. Mouth opening yet ringing refused to make way for any sound of power ranger’s transformation.
Inhale.
Just one inhale.
She can’t do it.
All Jinx can hear is that stupid show. Can see the light from the screen can feel hands on her body. Bile is up her throat. Hands getting sweaty.
Somewhere r̶e̶d̶a̶c̶t̶e̶d̶ is trying to speak to her, hands lifted up in pacifying motion that Jinx doesn't see.
She is 12 again. It’s past midnight. Her eyes are heavy yet refusing to waste opportunity of staying up behind her parents backs. Her favorite show played on the laptop - a cheap one her mom got Vi for school. Vi herself is by her side, a little moody today but there, barely paying attention to the show.
She got into an argument with her girlfriend a few hours ago, and now moped around.
Powder is in her favorite nightdress, grey with a blue kitty on it. Soft and cute. Her and mom have matching sets. Her eyes fixed on the colorful images, feet kicking as the episode kept going. She doesn't even remember which one it was, her child's brain just latched onto the show itself.
The episode comes to a close, she already shuffles up to click on the next one only for hand to grab hers. Blur of movement she barely remembers and she is on her back, old blanket deceptively soft to her skin.
“Can I fuck you?” Vi blurts out. Vi who caged her in, looming over. Heavy shadow that looks far more dangerous now in low light of the room.
She never really noticed how much stronger Vi got those past few years.
~”Go-go Power rangers!”~
The next episode started on auto play. Powder didn’t notice. Intro ringing in her ears.
Powder can’t breathe. Blinking stupidly with her lips quirking weird.
“What?” She asks, trying to exhale whatever is left in her lungs.
“Can I fuck you?” Vi repeats in that same pleading tone. “Just- Just one time, just a little bit?” Vi continues with a heavy swallow.
Powder feels panic raising up in her chest. Blood getting too loud for her ears.
“No.. Vi, I don’t want to..” Powder answers, hating how her sister's eyes grow dimmer.
Funny how a few days earlier when Vi’s girlfriend was over, Powder kept dreaming of Vi asking her just that. How she took her mom’s razor and shaved for the first time ever, all her skin angry red now. How she tried to look pretty for her.
Really funny.
“Pow-pow, come on.. Just a little?” Vi didn’t stop. Pushing. But in a way that wasn't quite pushing, more so a request that you can't turn down.
She wasn’t touching her. She wasn't even moving, just staying there and asking like a good sister would. She wasn’t forcing her and that was the worst thing. Vi would never force her.
The door was locked.
Powder never felt as scared as she did now.
They locked it so no one bothered them while they watched their shows. Vi is over her, around her. She is in Vi’s bed, on Vi’s blanket with Vi’s laptop playing a transformation sequence from Powder's favorite show. Their whole family is asleep.
Her chest grows tighter.
Vi had never forced her. Never pushed her like this.
Though to be fair, Powder never refused her before either.
They haven’t done this since last summer. Vi promised it was last time and they never talked about it again, never mentioned it. Honestly sometimes Powder feels like it was just some vivid dream she had. Hallucination perhaps, something her mind conjured.
The world was going blurry.
“Vi you promised-”
“I know I promised!” Vi cuts her off, voice raising before forcefully evening it out back into that feign gentle pleading. “Just one more time, okay baby?” She murmurs, her hips shifting. Barely noticeable movement if you weren't currently bracketed under her. “I know you like it.”
Because Powder does. She does like it. She always liked it. Their small dirty secret. Their little “But you have to promise to not tell mom.”
So why is she so scared now?
Vi would never hurt her.
Her lips trembled yet she mumbled.
“..Okay. Just a little.”
And Vi smilled.
She always did.
“Thank you.”
…
Jinx was on the floor. Her arms in bite marks, her teeth aching, face unnaturally dry. Remote in her hand, room deathly silent.
For too long she is panting. Breathless.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Her eyes move up.
r̶e̶d̶a̶c̶t̶e̶d̶ is there.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Her cheek is red.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Her eyes are rimmed with tears.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Jinxes right hand stings.
“Jinx..” r̶e̶d̶a̶c̶t̶e̶d̶ finally breathes out.
Dropping to her knees with far too much worry for someone who has scratch marks on her shoulders and fingerprints on her throat. Gentle hands already cupping Jinxes cold sticky cheeks.
“Are you okay?” r̶e̶d̶a̶c̶t̶e̶d̶ asks in an exhale
And here there is an opportunity, a chance to open up. To rip her ribcage open, to let all the bile ooze out of her, let those gentle pretty hands get just as dirty as cheeks she touches are.
That stupid cat is by her side.
Starring.
Unblinking.
Silent ‘I know what you are.’
‘I know what you did.’
She hates that fucking cat.
“..Yeah.” Jinx finally mumbles. Her whole body prickling yet she pushes past it, straightening up despite her body screaming for her not to. “I just really don't like that show.” She shrugs it off, avoiding looking at something breaking in those sad blue eyes.
“Jinx-”
“I’m gonna call Vi.” Jinx cuts her off, pushing herself upwards. “We planned to visit mom’s grave today.”
She didn’t give r̶e̶d̶a̶c̶t̶e̶d̶ chance to speak, didn’t even spare a glance before rushing out. Bare feet hitting cold wooden floor. Phone clutched in her hand. That stupid intro still flashing bright in her mind, even as she stepped out of the flat. Heavy metal door closing behind her.
She swiped her screen few times.
Paused.
Finger hovering over ‘call’.
Chewing down on her already bloodied lip.
Thumb finally tapping on the screen.
Inhale.
One.
Two.
Three rings.
“Hello?”
Exhale.
“Hey, Vi. It’s Powder. Are you free tonight?”