Work Text:
Jan knew, given the current state of social media, that some of the pictures he took with his photographer friend back in university to make easy money on stock libraries would eventually come back to bite his ass when least expected.
Every time he saw someone using a stock picture as a meme online, he prayed to the higher Gods of Metal that would never happen to any photo of himself which was still out there, on some site, ready to be discovered and made fun of.
There were luckily just a few of them, generic and unpopular enough that they mostly didn’t come up in research up to the first 10 pages or so, but still… he had an odd feeling about it.
That was why, when he saw his own younger face looking back at him from the screen of his phone while doom scrolling on Twitter, he felt barely surprised.
What punched him in the guts, as a sense of pure dread descended on him, was the number of likes, retweets and bookmarks associated with the advertising campaign using his likeness: in the pic he was looking directly at the camera, smiling faintly and unsure with some random workspace set blurred in the background.
The problem was the tagline. Apparently sponsoring a meeting app for LGBTQ+ singles, it read ‘Friendless and gay? There’s an app for that’ and the image attached to the tweet was clearly a screenshot taken on Instagram, implying not too subtly that queers from all over the world could have been receiving this exact sponsored content through Meta’s lovely algorithm.
Imagine being the very same ex-stock image model that this advertisement was worldwide calling a fag with no friends.
Jan put his phone down and tried to calm himself, smoking one cigarette. Then another.
Before hitting the third and last from the packet, he took his phone back in his hand to look up the brands and agencies associated with the campaign.
He found them easily, and was relieved to find out it was a local Slovenian agency, despite the campaign being in English.
He found a contact number and called before his social anxiety could catch up on his brain and scare him enough to make him desist.
The phone rang twice before being picked up.
“Supersonic Agency, how may I help you?” answered the bored and monotone deep voice of what sounded like a male receptionist.
“Uh, hello. My name is Jan Peteh, I have some questions regarding the LGBTQ+…” Jan started, but got immediately interrupted.
“Don’t we all.” the receptionist said flatly and sarcastically and someone from that side of the line let out a scandalized ‘Kris!’ revealing the name of whoever Jan was chatting with.
“I’ll let you talk to the publicist who made it. Good day.” Kris said before Jan could add anything to their brief conversation.
The line went off again for a few seconds of annoying 8bit waiting jingle before it got picked up by someone who introduced himself as Jure Maček in a much more cheerful voice than the previous receptionist.
“Uhm, I’m very sorry to bother you, I’m actually the stock image model of your most recent LGBTQ+ app campaign and I was wondering if, by any chance, my face could be removed from the ‘friendless and gay’ ads?” Jan asked, trying to formulate a polite enquiry despite the deep awkwardness he was experiencing.
Jure was unnervingly silent on the other side of the line, so Jan kept talking. “You see, I did that shooting many years ago as a favor for a friend of mine, when we had no money and were still students, and-”.
“Are you friendless and gay?” Jure asked, deadpan.
“Pardon?” Jan stuttered.
“Are you currently friendless and gay?” Jure asked again.
Jan thought about it for a few seconds.
Sure he was queer and sure his social relation skills weren’t exactly a flourishing business at the moment, but was he the type of gay that needed an app to find some kind of companionship?
“Kinda?” he answered timidly.
“See? I nailed it then, like always.” Jure said triumphantly and Jan could easily picture the unknown man pumping his fist in the air in celebration. “Have a good day.” Jure added, sounding like he was about to hang up.
“Wait! But-” Jan desperately tried to intervene.
“Actually, you know what? You’re still gay and friendless,” Jure said as if thinking out loud, making Jan’s heart a little heavier each time he mentioned his alignment to the advertising campaign. “But you still look like that picture, only older?”.
“I guess,” Jan shrugged, confused.
“Then what about friendless and gay, but with a boyfriend?” Jure asked out of the blue.
“I’m sorry?” Jan asked again, not following.
“Here’s my private phone number…” Jure instructed.
And for some reason, Jan sprinted to find paper and a pen.