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The streets of LA passed in a blur, nothing coming into focus from where Eddie’s head was pressed against the window of the rig. His colleagues are talking around him but it had become white noise as soon as they left the parking lot.
“You’re exhausting!”
The only thing he could hear were his own bitter words on repeat in his head. He remembered the way he could tell Buck was seconds from crumbling as he spoke. Buck’s face had flashed with pain and rejection before his walls were quickly reconstructed.
“You’re exhausting!”
He knew Buck’s biggest fear was the people he loved tiring of him. He can’t believe he was the person who took that fear and threw it in his face so callously. He knew he’d made a mistake as soon as the words started rolling from his tongue but it was too late, so he ran with his anger and doubled down.
“You’re exhausting!”
The image of Buck standing at the end of the aisle, defeated and deflated while he watched his family rush off to do the job he was fighting so hard to return to, was seared into his brain. Right after he’d taken the incredible relationship Buck had with Christopher and tore into him like he had wronged his child in malice. Buck was Christopher’s hero, he had saved his life, he was a font of knowledge for any and every subject his eight year old mind could think up, he treated him better than anyone else in the Diaz’s lives.
“You’re exhausting!”
Hell, Buck was Eddie’s hero. It was hard to see him as anything other than the kindest, most generous soul. He would do anything for his friends and family. Yet, Eddie made it out that he didn’t care. That he had failed.
“You’re exhausting!”
So maybe Buck’s most recent attempt to get back to work was, more than a little, misguided, but it was clearly a move made in desperation. Eddie knew if he had lost the 118 he’d spiral. Anyone on the team would. But the 118 was Buck’s life. After the many hours spent having heart-to-hearts on each other’s couches or laying on their back to back bunks, Eddie knew better than anybody that Buck felt like the day he walked through the doors of the 118 was the day his life really began.
“You’re exhau…”
“EDDIE!”
Eddie jumped in his seat as the words cut through his lamenting. He whirled around to find the rest of the crew staring at him.
“Are you doing okay over there man?” Chim asked tentatively, as if speaking to a spooked animal.
“Yeah.. Yeah I’m fine, just daydreaming,” Eddie tried to brush off. Nobody looked convinced but there was a clear silent agreement to accept it as the truth.
“Well, Bobby was just letting us know that we’re offline for an hour when we get back,” Hen supplied easily as they pulled into the station. Eddie hadn’t realized how close they were. “He’s going to heat up that lasagne he brought in while we clean off.”
“Sounds good,” Eddie nodded, turning to look at Bobby sitting behind him. “Thanks Cap.”
“Take your time and join us when you’re ready,” Bobby reached over to slap a comforting hand on his shoulder.
Eddie felt like he was being given some sort of special treatment. He wasn’t sure he deserved it after the display he just put on but, with the way he could feel himself spiralling, he wasn’t going to complain.
--
The rest of the shift had passed in a blur, he managed to get his head on straight in the hour they were offline, before they were thrown into back to back calls that needed his full attention.
He stepped through his front door, immediately spotting his son hunched over his homework, tongue sticking out adorably in concentration. Eddie was hit with the realization that it was a trait picked up from Buck and his heart broke a little.
An unexpected hand gently grasped his arm causing him to jump slightly, Carla had appeared from the kitchen while he was lost in thought.
“Hey Carla,” he tries to keep up his cheery facade. “How was your day?”
“Oh, our boy was absolutely no trouble. He’s been getting stuck into his homework for the last 20 minutes,” she handed him a glass of water as he moved to sit on the sofa. “I’ve put a casserole in the fridge to be heated for tonight and there are some letters on the counter that need signed before school on Monday.”
“You’re a life saver, I don’t know how we’d survive without you,” his smile was real for the first time that day. “I won’t keep you, I know your husband is patiently waiting.”
Eddie saw Carla out before going to sit with his son.
“How you doing buddy?” Chris looked up at his Dad with a furrowed brow.
“I’m stuck on this question,” he pouted, pushing the paper towards Eddie. Eddie read the science question, frowning when he realized he wasn’t going to be much help.
“Oh this is a tricky one today.”
“Buck would know the answer,” Chris’ frown deepened, his eyes slightly watery.
“Yeah… he would,” Eddie sighed. Buck should be here, they should have car pooled to work together and returned home together. Carla wouldn’t have had to worry about making dinner cause Buck will have had grand plans for the evening. He would have anticipated the science homework by researching whatever Chris’ teacher was focussing on this semester.
“I miss him Daddy, does he not want to see us anymore?”
A frown spread across Eddie’s face, Buck may never want to speak to him ever again after what he said today. He had to do something, he was miserable, Buck was probably miserable and stuck in the middle of it all was his innocent little boy, just wanting to see his Buck.
“What do you say we go over and see him?”
“Really?” the immediate change would have been funny if Eddie didn’t know the initial sadness was his fault.
“Yeah bud, we’re not supposed to but at this point I don’t care and honestly, I don’t think your Buck cares one bit about any rules keeping him from you,” Eddie ran a hand through the soft curls on Chris’ head. “I’ll have to do some apologizing first though, so I need you to promise me to sit nice for a while before you steal him away.”
Chris nodded vigorously.
“Yes, I’ll be so good!”
“Right,” Eddie said, standing and grabbing Chris’ homework while starting to fill the little backpack resting against the table leg. “Let’s go see our Buck!”
Chris cheered, grabbing his crutches and stumbling over to his shoes in excitement.
--
“Eddie?” was the first thing out of Buck’s mouth when he opened the door to find the pair standing there patiently. “Chris?!?”
“Buck!!” Chris flung himself at Buck, who immediately bent down to scoop him up. Eddie’s chest tightened thinking of how long the pair have spent apart.
“Oh buddy I am so happy to see you,” Eddie can hear the words whispered into Chris’ hair as he swayed back and forth.
“I missed you Buck,” Chris said, muffled in Buck’s shoulder.
“Why don’t we take this reunion inside,” Eddie suggested gently. Buck nodded, stepping back into his apartment, ushering Eddie in and over to the couch.
Chris pulled back, looking up at Buck like he couldn’t believe he was real.
“Daddy says he’s got some ‘pologizing to do,” Buck and Eddie couldn’t help but snort at the lack of tact. “So I’m gonna do my sums at the table, then once you’ve made up you can come help me with science!”
Chris wiggles down and takes his bag straight out of Eddie’s hands before marching off to the table.
The pair both huff out a laugh watching Chris fondly. Eddie took a moment to take in the adoring look on Buck’s face. He shuffled awkwardly causing Buck to finally pull his attention back to the man in front of him.
“Let’s sit down,” he gestured to the couch. “So, Chris mentioned some ‘pologizing?”
Eddie let out a laugh, enjoying the more light hearted version of his best friend returning.
“Yeah, I can’t believe what I said today Buck,” Eddie looked down at his hands. “None of it was true. Yes, I’ve been pissed about this lawsuit but honestly, it’s not really personal, it’s the fact it even had to come down to that at the end of the day that really got to me. We were separated from each other at a time when we both needed support.”
He decided to be brave and take a look at Buck. He was sitting looking at him with disbelief in his eyes, no, Eddie couldn’t have that.
“I’m serious Buck, I can’t stop hearing myself calling you exhausting,” Buck cringed at the reminder and Eddie can see him clam up, preparing to reconstruct the walls. “It couldn’t be further from the truth. I need you around. These last few weeks have been miserable.”
“Well, I need to apologize as well, I shouldn’t have told that dumb lawyer anything about you guys. I’ve realized how naive I was to think he wouldn’t turn it against you,” Eddie pretended not to see the tear Buck quickly wiped away from his eye. “My big mouth got away from me again and I didn’t know when to shut up. I just missed everyone so much and I couldn’t see another way back.”
“Well… at least you didn’t start going to,” Eddie quickly checked to see if Chris was in earshot before whispering. “an underground fight club.”
“Wait, what?!” Buck coughed out in shock.
“Yeah Bosko got me into it as an outlet for my anger but I got in too deep and ended up nearly killing a guy,” Eddie avoided eye contact while he revealed the information.
“Is that what you were talking about needing to be bailed out of jail for?”
“Ugh.. No that was after I punched a guy over a handicap spot,” Buck couldn’t hold back a laugh at that.
“No way man?!”
“Yes way… he did deserve it though, was talking shit about Chris. Dude didn’t even really need the space anyway he was just some asshole who’d had some knee surgery.”
“For what it’s worth, I woulda bailed you out if you’d called,” a grin had spread across Buck’s face. “Hell, I’d have been there to back you up in the fight.”
Eddie slung an arm round his best friend’s shoulder.
“God, I’ve missed you man… I think I might have bought that stupid truck because of it.”
“You tried to replace me with a truck?” Buck laughed, nudging Eddie in the ribs.
“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up Buckley,” Eddie joined Buck’s laughter, happy to have his best friend back. “It’s been a period of terrible decisions on both our parts.”