Archive of Our Own

It was actually rather beautiful. In an eerie way their view was fascinating. If it had been possible, Obi-Wan would have loved to take a closer look at the planet’s flora. The forest was a maze of naked pines and skeletal underbrush, though, and he had to mind every step he took. Wet snow lay knee-deep in the hollows, and where the trees had not provided a natural barrier, it had accumulated hip-deep. They were running through the woods solely because of this reason and not because of the pines obscuring their followers’ vision. Qui-Gon still stopped in between their flight to use Force pushes to scatter the fallen snow and make the cold crystals on the branches fall like a blanket over the traitorous footprints they left in the icy white.

When master and padawan had to leave the shelter of the woods to cross over aisles created by terrible avalanches, they had to jump over masses of snow and ice that some storm had blown against the trunks. The white obstacles almost resembled the dunes of a colourless desert and made Obi-Wan wonder if he had not been mistaken after all. Maybe sand and heat were not so bad after all.

There was no wind anymore—at least something was in their favour now. The Mahilians had a smell apparatus that surpassed that of most other species, including non-humanoids. Obi-Wan remembered having seen the first picture of a representative of Mahilion as a young boy which had made him laugh… and Master Yoda hit him with a stick because of it. Now there was nothing to laugh about. Those huge swellings of noses had made it impossible for them to lose the angry horde that was after them. No matter how much faster they were, the gentlest of breezes had brought the warriors back on their track. And the last time their persecutors had come dangerously close.

Master and padawan ran with a desperation that bordered on fear—which was un-Jedi-like and therefore could not be what Obi-Wan felt. But the feeling came close to it, he had to confess to himself. Very close. Especially with the terrible temperatures searing through skin, muscle and bone to leave only cold.

They had become so exhausted that not one word was spoken between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan… not that words were needed with how close they had become. The only sound audible was the pounding of their feet, the crunch of the smashed snow, and the ragged breathing of the two men fighting their way through the white hellscape.

Their position as Jedi did not matter on Mahilion, not anymore, nor Qui-Gon’s reputation as the man who had saved the former king’s life. But then this might have been the reason why the new sovereign wanted them dead. Obi-Wan had not understood all the accusations that had been angrily shouted during the argument, but it had been a really bad one. Never had he seen Qui-Gon at a loss like that. And maybe his intuition had not been completely wrong. When they had landed far, far away from the capital city, he had voiced his concerns whispered to him by the Force herself, no doubt. Qui-Gon had been too optimistic, too sure that a new government would not desire a meeting with a legation of the Galactic Senate just to kill them off. But then Qui-Gon had interpreted such an act as political, while in truth it might have been but a hateful brother who wanted revenge on a certain Jedi master only.

They left the towering cliffs that flanked the imperial forest behind and came closer to the frightening ravines that sliced through the landscape like the earth had cracked open to swallow them. The two had seen them from above shortly before they had landed their aircraft. This was good news—they had covered a distance far greater than they had thought... or Obi-Wan had thought. Qui-Gon had obviously led them straight to their wished destination like he carried a natural compass inside. Unfortunately, their pursuers would find the ship as well. For that no gigantic noses were needed. A simple geo scanner would do. Therefore, all that mattered now was time—time and enough distance between them and the soldiers to get into the air before any attack could be initiated against them.

“Blast it!” Obi-Wan yelled stumbling over a root buried under the snow. Luckily, he managed to right himself before he fell by leaning heavily into his next strides. He lost some of his speed, though, which was the least thing they could afford to lose right now.

He turned around to gaze at his master even though it was not needed. He could hear his master’s air burst out of his lungs before he took the next breath and when he reached out a little in the Force he could also feel his powerful soul—strong, sure of himself and not frightened at all. Obi-Wan had often wondered if it was so easy for him to be brave because he always was surrounded by his master’s reassuring calm. But then all masters were supposed to be that controlled.

Force! He had to concentrate more!

Another asperity underneath the white cover made him tilt to the left side. His master caught him with one arm and dragged him along.

“Are you hurt?” The air leaving Qui-Gon’s lips became thick clouds, and each exhalation gave birth to a new one. If they had been just a few inches closer, their breaths would have mingled beautifully. “Padawan, concentrate!”

Obi-Wan had not been lost in thoughts of the strong hand still lying on his hip or the hard body of his well-trained master pressed against his side. He had tested if his answer would be true or if his system was simply so flooded with adrenaline that he simply did not feel any pain. “I’m fine!”

“Keep running then! It’s not far anymore.”

Obi-Wan missed the pressure of Qui-Gon’s touch like all warmth had been torn from him. This time he did not look over his shoulder to gaze at the man he had fallen hopelessly—and tragically—in love with. He could feel the Force being used to hide their steps—even more important now with Obi-Wan having basically hurled masses of snow up with his accidental stunt. It only took a moment before his master set into motion again, him being slightly slower with his huge body sinking deeper into the white masses beneath their feet.

There were shouts in the far distance—but as far as their pursuers still were from them, their louder voices proved that they were getting closer. It was to be expected. Their clothes and gear were created to be used in this cold world’s climate and geology. They also might not need a breeze to carry their prey’s scent to them anymore now that they had gotten this close.

They broke into the open again, the forest not yet having taken back the clearing that must have been created through a natural disaster. Beyond the icy nothingness yawned a ravine like a wound slashed into the landscape, swallowing it in a deep black gash. They would have to choose—risk crossing the gorge over a fallen trunk or turn east towards the mountains, where the deep snow might hide pitfalls and other dangers. It would have also meant to burn their strength considerably while the Mahilians would soldier on like it was nothing.

“Don’t hesitate! Keep on running!” Qui-Gon was right after him again, snow spraying up around his legs.

Qui-Gon never doubted the will of the Force. Since there was a natural bridge for them to cross, he would cross it. Sometimes Obi-Wan wished that he could have the same trust in an unknown destiny. This clearly was one of those moments. As they hastened towards the ravine’s edge, the real danger became apparent—the dead tree’s bark was completely glassed over with snow and ice underneath. Slipping would be fatal as they could not even see down to the bottom of the ravine. It would not have made a difference, though, with everything around them being white and grey.

Obi-Wan tested the steadfastness of the trunk and if it would hold his weight, while Qui-Gon looked behind them. This time he did not hide their footsteps, quite possibly making their haunters believe that they had fallen to their death. It was not too bad a plan, either.

“We deserve some holidays after this, Master!” Obi-Wan declared to calm his nerves and started walking across the devilishly slippery wood with his arms stretched out for balance.

“Concentrate, Obi-Wan!”

“Yes, Master!”

It was better not to speak. Out in the open without the shelter of the forest, breathing had become troublesome with every breath causing a sharp, almost stabbing pain. It felt like he was breathing pieces of broken glass. With the day coming to an end, the temperatures dropped dramatically. If they could not reach their ship in time, they would no longer have to worry about the predators following them. The same nature that Qui-Gon adored in all its forms and shapes would kill them off.

Obi-Wan grinned and even started laughing when he landed on the other side of the ravine safe and sound. He even got to rest a little, so he put his hands on his thighs and bent down to take deep breaths to calm his pounding heart while he watched Qui-Gon following him over the trunk.

His master had crossed it halfway when there was a clicking sound—a sound the young Jedi had heard before. His heart stopped as he watched Qui-Gon freezing, then scanning the dead wood with the Force. Without any warning or explanation, the older man ran towards him and took the last meter with a huge jump. The trunk moaned dangerously and tilted, but stopped just so that it did not fall. It might turn out a deadly trap for the soldiers now.

“Don’t stop! Move, move! The movements will keep you warm!” Qui-Gon warmed and passed him by.

It was true. With the sun sinking, the cold became too much to bear. By now it had become so intense that it felt wet in his lungs. It was seeping through the hightech fiber and his skin seemingly right to his bones. At least it stopped him from fixating too much on the angry voices behind them—still distant but so much louder already. And they were no cries of warning. They were the shouts of somebody who meant to kill without showing any mercy.

He would not die here, Obi-Wan decided. Not on a planet more ice than rock. And surely not before…

Yes.

He would finally do it.

If they survived this adventure, the love sick padawan would confess his feelings to his master. There was no better motivation for running, even though the acids in his muscles made him tremble with exhaustion.

“Damn!” Qui-Gon shouted when they stepped onto a slope that enabled them to see far in the direction of their ship. It was devastating. Some of the Mahilians had taken another route and had cut off their way back. “To the right then!”

Obi-Wan followed his master but he did not understand why the older man had chosen this way. The slippery ground tilted upwards towards sheer rock walls that jutted into the sky like an enormous beast’s teeth. Surely the natives would be able to climb these with ease while they as temple bound Jedi would need unusual strength to master the unintended climbing tour.

Was Qui-Gon hoping that the Mahilians would not think them so foolish to even try crossing the mountains—especially with the deadly night looming over them?

Master and padawan ran onwards until the cliff’s wall loomed before them. It seemed more and more impossible to climb the rock the closer they got. But Obi-Wan would follow Qui-Gon anywhere and trust him always, so he soldiered on even though his lungs felt like he was drowning by now. He pressed a hand against his ribcage in a futile attempt to warm himself or stop the pain… and this moment of inattention was dangerous. Obi-Wan slipped on a patch of ice underneath the powdery cover and almost slid backwards. If it had not been for his master reaching out for his hand in time, he might have lost all balance and hit his head on one of the protruding rocks.

Obi-Wan was allowed to rest for a short moment then. His breath looked like smoke from a dying fire. God, he was so cold! Thinking got harder with any passing minute.

“There it is!” Qui-Gon pointed to a certain part of the ice glazed cliff. His beard was crusted in hard snow by now, his eyelashes glittered with frost. “Hold on just a little longer! Please!”

Obi-Wan forced himself to look away from the face he had come to adore so much and instead scanned the rock face for whatever his master intended to show him. Since his eyes had become snow-blind during the run upwards, he could not spot it right away. He only recognized it after Qui-Gon had grabbed his hand once more to drag him along: there was a small fissure in the stone, almost not wide enough for a grown-up man to squeeze himself in, but it was half-concealed by snow and a protruding ledge and therefore perfect to hide.

They forced themselves inside, Obi-Wan having more problems than his master since he had built more muscle mass over the last few months. His shoulder burnt with the pressure of ice asperities that felt like needles. There was hardly enough space for both of them because the cave he had expected to see turned out to be no more than a small alcove. It did not matter as long as they could hide long enough to get rid of their pursuers.

Obi-Wan leaned against the rear wall to concentrate on his breath while Qui-Gon used the Force to swirl the little snow inside towards the fissure, then some more from the outside.

“There should be enough air inside for us to breathe until the Royal Guards have lost our spoor,” Qui-Gon explained while he closed them in.

“It’ll still be rather dark inside here, Master.”

“You may use your light saber when I am finished.”

As it turned out, they did not need their weapons at all. The walls were sparkling and glimmering with unnamed crystals that emitted the light they had absorbed during the day. It was rather beautiful, romantic even. With most of the snow used as makeshift door, the whiteness underneath their boots was thin, allowing the ground to show through. Overhead, what looked like icicles hanging from the ceiling turned out to be stalactites growing downwards—a fact that Obi-Wan preferred over his first impression. The rock buildings had been there for thousands if not ten thousands of years. They would not fall and kill them when they moved under them.

For the moment they were safe, so Obi-Wan allowed himself to close his eyes while he slowed down his breathing and relax his still trembling muscles. He had almost reached the point of collapse. If it had not been for Qui-Gon’s harsh training, he would have gotten killed. Yet, he was not afraid of dying. He could not even imagine not being a Jedi…

Or being without Qui-Gon.

Sadness overcame him when he thought about the time after his knighting. He blamed his mood on his exhaustion, though. Some things could not be changed, other things could never be achieved. And while this still made him sad sometimes, he would learn to accept and appreciate the changes of life. One day—surely—he would have a padawan of his own and while it still felt like a whole era away, he was looking forward to that. A smile graced his lips when he wondered how many of his master’s annoying peculiarities he would hypocritically pass onto his own ward.

Minutes passed, then a full hour. Their persecutors still perceived their scent from when they had run through the snow, but since it slowly faded, and the soldiers failed to find the fissure, they fanned out to search the forest again—and look for their ship quite possibly.

*****

Obi-Wan had no clue how long they had been waiting but the stiffness of his body was a good indicator that it had been long. Eventually Qui-Gon dared to make a hole into the snow wall to let them breathe fresh air again. It stung in their lungs. The sun had sunk considerably. If they wanted to reach their aircraft, they would have to leave their hideout immediately.

What was Qui-Gon waiting for?

Maybe he needed to collect some strength himself. Qui-Gon was in the best age for a humanoid man and he was perfectly trained, but even with the Force being strong in him, he still needed to rest. After all, he had been the one running while also covering up their tracks all the while.

“What are we going to do now, Master?” Obi-Wan asked when the little window was closed again to only leave the smallest of openings.

“We do not have any options, Padawan. If we try to reach our ship, they’ll find us, and we’ll get killed.”

“What do you suggest then?”

“Well, if we stay the night outside, they will think that we have frozen to death and will not search for us anymore.”

“Yes, Master!” Obi-Wan rolled his eyes so hard he wondered if he would get them stuck this time. “Because we will have frozen to death!”

Qui-Gon studied his face for a moment and whatever he saw in it, he obviously felt the need to reassure him: “You won’t freeze to death.”

“Can you tell me that tomorrow morning if I am still alive?”

The older Jedi chuckled. “I promise you now. Please, try to rest, so you can regulate your body heat better. You remember how I taught you to?”

“Yes, Master,” Obi-Wan immediately fell back into the submissive student that he had been when they had gone through this special training.

It was not the worst moment to recreate in his mind either. He perfectly remembered them climbing up a lush hill to meditate and sit in a picturesque waterfall until his fingers had turned blue… and the sight of Qui-Gon getting naked to get rid of his ice cold clothes afterwards… how his gaze had refused to leave the muscular body that had been haunting him for quite some time already…

Maybe he should not dive too deep into this memory after all. Obi-Wan bit his lip, took a deep breath and concentrated on his own body and his functions. He would have to lower the radiation of his body heat and decrease his heart rate. Maybe laying down would have helped some as well, but the ground beneath his shaking legs looked frozen. Maybe it was.

He looked at his master who had less worries about the floor. Qui-Gon slid down to sit cross-legged and start a mediation quite possibly. And that was when Obi-Wan saw it…

“Qui-Gon!” He never addressed his master like this. His tongue had slipped. But he could have cared less. “You are hurt!”

“It is hardly worth mentioning.” The older man cast him a reassuring smile that offered comfort as well as showing gratitude. “In the morning I will have fully healed my ankle.”

Obi-Wan blinked and tried to pinpoint the moment his master had been hurt. He could not do so on his own, though. “When did it happen?”

When he had grabbed him to keep him from falling? Surely, he could not have taken flight with him and endure such a long run if it had happened much earlier.

“That is not important. Getting ready to run again tomorrow is.”

He had guessed right then, Obi-Wan decided. If Qui-Gon did not fear to make him feel guilty, he would have just told him that he had stumbled over some root or landed badly after a jump. What he was supposed to do with his epiphany was another question he needed to answer for himself. But there would be better times to do this. Right now all that mattered was to keep the little warmth they had inside their lair and not accidently suffocate themselves by keeping the cold outside.

Obi-wan looked down at his master and bit his lip again—another show of the turmoil inside him. He had to learn how to stop doing this or enemies would be able to read him like a book when he was a master himself.

And he did not want Qui-Gon to know either. He always wanted to impress him.

“I could go outside still…” Obi-Wan offered after he had just gazed into empty space for some unknown time. “I could collect some branches to start a fire with, so we can keep warm even when the temperatures drop during the night.”

Qui-Gon looked up at him with a soft smile, but shook his head and pointed around the hideout they had found refuge in. “We would poison ourselves without a fume hood. But by creating a hole big enough for the smoke to escape the alcove, we would not only draw attention to us but also allow the deadly cold to get inside.”

There was nothing for them to do than wait for the sunrise then? It had to be so because Qui-Gon would have come up with a plan by now for sure otherwise.

Obi-Wan took off his coat to sit on it but his master shook his head before he had even spread it on the ground.

“Sit close to me. Mine should do for the both of us.”

This was the most beneficial decision. It allowed them to wrap the padawan’s mantle around both their shoulders while not being forced to touch the cold rock beneath them—and Obi-Wan was also allowed to enjoy a closeness to his master that he had almost painfully missed for months now. He could not remember when they had stopped being physically close but he knew the day he had first noticed the change. They had intended to board a narrow lift together, but instead of squeezing inside next to him, Qui-Gon had simply uttered that he would wait for the next elevator car. Ever since he had been aware of them not sharing the same closeness that they had always had before. Mentally they had remained the same to Obi-Wan’s relief. He would have gone insane losing his master’s trust as well.

Those thoughts did not help in his situation. Instead, he concentrated on his body. Thankfully, this planet spun around her axis faster than most inhabited worlds, which meant that the nights ended sooner. It was still various hours until sunrise, and Obi-Wan had to follow his master’s example and keep his body functions in check.

Being the best version of a Jedi he could be had always satisfied Obi-Wan. Very much even. Unfortunately, this also meant that he felt incredible frustration with himself when he tried to achieve a goal and failed. Right now his problems were not simple vanity, though—his life depended on his success. After some time of basically not feeling any cold, he noticed how his skin started prickling and his muscles trembling with a desperate attempt to get warmer.

Obi-Wan took a deep breath and tried to get hold of himself again but felt losing his grip more and more the more he started freezing.

“Am I failing with my body heat control, Master?”

“You are doing exceptionally well, like always, I am sure.” The compliment fell flat when it was accompanied with such bad news: “It is this world’s extreme cold creeping in. The alcove is narrow but not narrow enough to stay warm with only our bodies giving off heat.”

“You could not have given me better news, huh?”

“I can and I will.” Qui-Gon shifted to lie on his side and gestured for Obi-Wan to join him. “We must share our body heat. You may consider it inappropriate, but it will heighten our chances of survival.”

Had he really heard those words being spoken or was his mind fooling him because of the terrible circumstances they were caught in?

He took the risk.

Obi-Wan settled right in front of Qui-Gon and shifted back when he lay as comfortably as possible on the hard ground. His master wrapped an arm around him and drew him even closer to his own body—tight enough for the younger man to feel the other’s heartbeat. It had to be an illusion but what a perfect illusion it was to perceive that powerful heartbeat. It was reassuring and all so beautiful. It was not quite worth dying for but truly something to remember for the rest of his life.

“Try to stay awake! It reduces the chances of freezing to death considerably.”

“Yes, Master.” He still closed his eyes because without any movement, his exhaustion finally took hold of him. “Mind telling me a story to keep me entertained?”

“This is a marvelous idea, Obi-Wan. If I remember correctly, I have not yet finished to teach you Kham-Po Philosophy…”

Qui-Gon was the perfect teacher and this was the most Qui-Gon-thing to do. But Obi-Wan had fallen in love with even the most annoying habit of his master’s when he had fallen for the man. It also did not matter what words his beloved spoke as long as his dark, raspy voice sounded so close to his left ear and his hot breath stroked it gently. Qui-Gon’s huge body felt so good, so amazing. They were one step away from meeting their end, and Obi-Wan still felt protected, cared for…

Force! If he had known that it only took both of them almost dying to finally experience the feeling of Qui-Gon’s strong arms around him! He may had gotten them into trouble way earlier.

Well, not really…

But maybe after all!

*****

As he had promised, Obi-Wan had tried to stay awake as long as he could, but at some point he had still slipped into a comatose state. He must have fallen asleep because otherwise the scream in his dream could not have woken him.

Obi-Wan yawned and blinked his eyes open. His limbs felt petrified because of his forced immobility while sleeping in Qui-Gon’s arms that had been holding him in place.

He was still being held…

A smile appeared on his lips. He could feel it and closed his eyes again in perfect contentment. He did not even feel cold anymore. More than that! He felt warm.

Had he continued to regulate his temperature even after he had drifted into his exhaustion inducted sleep? It could not be the world outside their hideout thawing back to life, because the provisional door still kept the outside air from what they had inside. The sun must have risen by now, though, because animals of all forms and seizes were roaming in the snow again, their souls being the brightest of lights in the Force.

“I think we should try our luck now, Master!”

Obi-Wan hated himself for it but he was a Jedi after all. He freed himself from Qui-Gon’s arms and chuckled thinking that this was one of only a few times that he had risen before his stern master. He fought the stiffness in his legs to stand up and pull some of the snow aside to peak outside. It was not that easy a task since the temperatures at night had made their door hard and solid.

His inner clock had not betrayed him. After he had created a window to check if the coast was really clear, the rays of the world’s only sun struck his face. Obi-Wan grinned and turned around to berate his master—which was something he had grown very fond of during the past few months.

“Master, you surprise me! Were you not the one always preaching how the early…”

Obi-Wan’s next words died in his throat when he beheld Qui-Gon’s appearance. His face almost didn’t resemble the one the young man adored. The light bronze of his skin was completely gone and had been replaced by a colour so unhealthy it shook Obi-Wan to the core.

No! It could not be!

Yet, it had to have happened. Qui-Gon must have used the Force to channel his own body-heat into his ward.

Had he… Had he sacrificed himself for Obi-Wan?

“No, no, no, no…” Obi-Wan fell to his knees and cupped the older man’s face. It was so damn cold! There was no warmth at all! “Master, please! Master, do wake up! Qui-Gon!”

He pleaded with his beloved, with the Force, with destiny itself… But only when he regained his senses enough to actually use his abilities could he feel Qui-Gon’s presence in the Force. He was alive. Still.

What was he to do?

It was too dangerous to carry Qui-Gon to the ship to warm him up. Not only could they still be caught by prowling soldiers, his master might die of the cold before they reached their destination.

Obi-Wan wrapped his mantle tightly around Qui-Gon and broke right through the snow to not lose another moment. It hurt but he did not care. Nor did he care when the branches he tore off bushes and trees cut into his fingers. He could cry later, now he had to bite back the pain.

Back in the alcove he enveloped the collected wood with his coat and set it ablaze. It would not burn for long but it was good enough for his purpose. Obi-Wan used every spark of strength he had to guide the fire’s heat into Qui-Gon’s body—not too much, not too little, just right. He even took his master in his arms. Even if it didn’t help, it could at least do no any harm.

It took a while but Qui-Gon’s natural complexion returned slowly but steadily. Now Obi-Wan’s eyes did sting with tears, the pain in his hands completely forgotten, though. All that mattered to him now was bringing his master home safe and sound.

Qui-Gon opened his lips before he did his eyes and he rasped Obi-Wan’s name.

Force! He could have screamed with relief. The fact that his master was more worried about him than himself in his state between consciousness and coma was as troubling as gratifying. There would be a better time to feel ashamed for this feeling, though. Now he had to concentrate on his task at hand… and it was the most important he had ever been assigned to.

“Master, I need you to wake up! We have to run!”

Qui-Gon’s mind cleared. Obi-Wan had never been good at reading it, but the fall of any walls to protect his master’s thoughts helped tremendously. He could follow the waking process perfectly.

“Obi-Wan…”

“Master, I am the first one to enjoy staying in bed once in a while but this is not the right day and there is no bed to stay in.” He hated himself for it but he grabbed Qui-Gon by the sides and heaved him first on his knees and on his feet afterwards. “Clear your thoughts quickly, please! We have to go! But it is warmer outside, I promise! The sun rays are just wonderful.”

It was still a miracle how fast they managed to cover ground. Obi-Wan could only help as much by holding Qui-Gon’s arm slung over his shoulder while they ran. Surely, he used an incredible amount of the Force without even noticing drinking it in. The rest was the adrenaline racing through his body. It must have been the same with the limping man at his side—even more so for sure. But the miracle did happen. Freezing but seeping rivers of sweat and expiating some of their sins, no doubt, they reached the space ship that had waited abandoned and undamaged by any foreign hand.

Obi-Wan used the opening device only when they were close enough to mount the companion ladder. Inside he dragged Qui-Gon to the small machine room and leaned his master against the metal frame of the case. The engine would heat up immediately as soon as the ship was started.

“Stay here and warm yourself up fully!”

Obi-Wan was so pumped with adrenaline, he almost pressed a kiss on his master’s lips. But he did not. He never did. What he did instead was running through the narrow corridor to the cockpit. There he initiated the take-off and didn’t even wait for the reading to clear their departure. He simply typed in the sequence to get the bird into the sky, then quickly scanned their surroundings for possible attackers on the ground. All they needed to do to be safe was to get up in the air. The Mahilians did not possess any flight vehicles, so even a few hundreds of meters would do for the time being.

It was almost too easy now. The program did not show any signs of machinery dangerous to them approaching, and their own engine worked just perfectly even after having been inactive in the cold for almost two days.

When they had safely reached the orbit, Obi-Wan left the main seat and walked back towards the machine room. Qui-Gon was still leaning against the case with his eyes closed and his lips parted a little in delight. The younger Jedi wondered if his master had been in pain until now that he had just hidden from him. And out of nowhere it all kicked in—the love of his life willing to die without saying good-bye, the guilt of having hurt Qui-Gon with his clumsiness, the anger of what had happened to them in the first place—and Obi-Wan’s anger exploded.

“Are you fucking crazy?” he attacked his master and shoved his shoulder into the metal. “You almost got yourself killed! Are you out of your mind? I am just a padawan! Losing me would have meant nothing! The temple can afford to forfeit a padawan! But losing you would have torn a scar into the order that could never have been healed!”

There was a blast of energy in the room but Obi-Wan did not understand what it was. Not at first, at least. He did as soon as he noticed an anger in Qui-Gon’s eyes rivalling his own.

“I did what I needed to do, Obi-Wan!”

“Needed?” he asked still so very angry. “Saving me? Why would that be needed?”

Because I love you!

Obi-Wan gasped. The words had not been spoken. No, of this he was certain. Obi-Wan had not heard them uttered. He had felt them forced into his mind—but not on purpose. Qui-Gon had slipped. And—Force!—how he had slipped! How much did he truly feel of what he had just transmitted when even the echo of that feeling was so strong that it had made the energy in the room shift?

“What?” This time he did hear an actual word spoken—but in his own voice.

So much for slipping…

Qui-Gon stared at him with the black of his pupils swallowing the blue of his irises in shock. He truly had not meant to confess his feelings but because of his reactions he could not take his unspoken confession back.

How could you ever take such a confession back?

“I…” Qui-Gon licked his lips as if to steal a few seconds to think about a way out of his situation that could not exist. “My apologies. I did not intend to let you know.”

Obi-Wan was rendered speechless. Now he regretted not having kissed his master before leaving this room—and passionately on top of that.

“Don’t you think I am mature enough to understand the gravity of our situation?” He shook his head in utter disappointment while his heart still rejoiced from the words whispered into it. “I’m twenty-two. Not a fool.”

“You are a Jedi!” Qui-Gon declared with insistence. “As am I!”

But that did not stop them from having feelings! Not letting these rule them and not having them were two completely different things. Jedi needed to feel more than any other to be able to give themselves fully for others without any hesitation! And Qui-Gon had always been the one to feel most.

It explained why his master had refused to share the same intimacy they had had before for a while now. Had he been in love with him for as long then? Obi-Wan’s heart grew with happiness and sadness at the same time. How much time they had wasted by secretly suffering their heartache on their own!

“Being a Jedi doesn’t mean that I cannot love you back with everything I am. Because I do!” Obi-Wan raised both his hands, but Qui-Gon turned his head before he could cup it. “I’ve loved you before I even knew what being in love meant. I may have seduced you without the two of us noticing, too…”

That made his master look back at him and with an annoyance that would make any further step easier. An annoyed Qui-Gon was a Qui-Gon Obi-Wan knew and knew how to handle. He had done so for years.

“Don’t say that!" His master begged with a soft voice almost not his own. “Don’t risk your future for something that is impossible anyway!”

“Is it, though?” Obi-Wan did not let his beloved stop him from taking hold of his cheeks this time. “Look, I’m not saying that it will be easy. I am sure it won’t be! But now that I know… How could I ever return to how it was before?”

What even meant “before”? He had been in love with this incredible man for so long. Where would he even have to start anew?

“You are the most diligent padawan I know,” Qui-Gon started again because he desperately tried to win a war that would leave him devastated if he actually succeeded in winning. How lucky for him that Obi-Wan was not known for giving in either. “I would never stand in the way of your dream to become a council member. And I know that you will sit on one of those chairs one day. Not just as one of them but as our grandmaster. And how could you not? You are so strong-willed, you work yourself to exhaustion permanently, you know all of the code by heart…”

“And you told me to bend the rules again and again.”

“I wish I had not!”

“Oh, now you are just lying.” Obi-Wan threw his arms around Qui-Gon’s shoulders then and hugged him tight. “I know you love me. I can feel it so very clearly now. And don’t you dare rebuild your shields! I’d tear them down bit by bit no matter what!”

“I cannot let you throw away your future for… For what? A youngster’s fling forgotten in a year or two? Or worse! Regretted!”

“I’ve been in love with you way longer than that, Qui-Gon. So much longer. And my love is still growing every single day.”

This moved something in his beloved, maybe even eased his sorrow a little. And Obi-Wan understood him perfectly. His master was so much older than him, knew exactly what he wanted and had known so for decades. And elder people tended to underestimate younger people’s sincerity in what they desired. But he would prove the eternity of his love.

And he had a whole lifetime to do so now.

“You need to rest, Master. Warm yourself up some more! I’ll make sure we get home as quickly as possible in the meantime.” He released Qui-Gon but stopped to look into the blue he was obsessed with. This time he took the liberty to place a chaste kiss on his beloved’s lips. His heart thrummed in his ears when he was allowed to without the smallest resistance. “And when we are home, we will talk about what to do.”

Obi-Wan left Qui-Gon to regain his strength then. It made no sense to discuss anything as long as he was still in the desperate state he was in currently. More importantly, it gave Obi-Wan the time to come to terms with the overpowering bliss he felt. If a Jedi had gazed into the Force that moment, surly he or she would have beheld Obi-Wan beaming like a new born star.

Was this what untainted happiness felt like? A feeling as if he could heal all the pain in the universe just by sharing his joy? How would he not be found out the moment he stepped over the threshold of the main gate? It would not matter. Not if Qui-Gon decided to commit to the feelings they shared. And if he did not… well… then there would only be devastation to be felt by the other masters.

In the cockpit Obi-Wan typed the Coruscanti coordinates into the system and got the ship on track before he dropped his head back into the seat. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths. Would meditating even help with all of what he was being in such turmoil? His very soul being chaos? Where could he even start to order himself back into shape?

Steps sounded behind him, and a moment later Qui-Gon dropped into the seat next to him with a loud sigh of his own.

“Thank you for saving my life, Obi-Wan.”

He smiled and repeated Qui-Gon’s own words: “I did what I needed to do.” It earned him that smirk that he adored so much. Force! How could he have lived without ever seeing it again?

“I still want to thank you for what you did. I am your master. It is my duty and my prerogative to keep you safe from any harm. I believe I did a poor job yesterday.”

“You really did not.” Obi-Wan allowed himself to chuckle and it felt damn good. It lifted some of the weight he still felt on his soul. “Sure, you could have shown a little more discretion at court... but it would have been futile. By now it is clear as day that they lured us there to execute you for your participation in the Jamman Conflict.”

“And kill you as collateral damage.” Qui-Gon’s features darkened. “I will have to meditate a lot before we return home.”

“Master, cheer up!” Obi-Wan begged gently and cast him a loving smile. “After all, we are returning home. Nothing happened.”

“A lot has happened,” Qui-Gon contradicted him with the muscles in his jaw working. “And it won’t allow us to return to where we were before this mission.”

It was true. At least for Obi-Wan. And that Qui-Gon felt the same made his chest grow with joy and love and the promise of possibilities formerly unthinkable. They would have to do a lot of talking still but the future seemed so bright now, so fulfilling in all the ways that Obi-Wan could dream of for his humble life.

“I have to tell you something,” Qui-Gon tore him out of his thoughts.

“Yes?” He turned to face his master who was grinning at him.

“You won’t freeze.”

Obi-Wan looked at him confused.

“You made me promise to tell you again this morning if we didn’t freeze to death.”

Obi-Wan had never wanted to hit his master more than in this moment. “You almost did freeze, though! You almost did!”

“Almost, you said yourself just now. This is the important part of the story.”

The Jedi code was a mantra that lost so much of its power when he was confronted with Qui-Gon Jinn’s fiddle-faddle. But this was the man the Force had willed him to love, so he would have to go on accepting his beloved’s peculiarities—and he actually loved this idea. He wanted to do it all his life.

“Master, please, let me concentrate on getting us back to the temple alive.”

Qui-Gon chuckled and closed his eyes while he nestled down in his chair. “Get us home then, Obi-Wan! My life is in your hands.”

Ever since he could remember, he had only ever wanted to be a Jedi. That would never change, but from this moment onwards he also wanted to be this man’s protector. He would have to become stronger for that, so when the council sent Qui-Gon on missions, he would be chosen to accompany him after his knighting.

“It better is! Somebody has to look out for you.”

“Concentrate on flying, my dearest.“

It sent a wave of warmth and arousal through his body when Qui-Gon called him that. But one of them had to get them home and considering their shared history, it was better when he took that job. “Force, I still hate flying, though…”