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"Would you still love me if I was a toad?"
Sasuke stares at Naruto with a deadpan expression.
"What," he says, not even a question. Naruto shrugs.
"It's a thing. Actually, the question is would you still love me if I was a worm? But the likelihood of me turning into a toad is slightly higher, so I'd thought I'd ask."
Sasuke sighs. Sensing he will regret asking, he still asks, "why would you turn into a toad?"
Naruto adopts a serious expression as he explains the complications that could arise with the use of Sage Mode.
"It apparently happened to the Pervy Sage, in his last fight," Naruto says with a grave nod.
Sasuke just keeps staring at him. Naruto shoots him a dazzling smile.
"So? Would you still love me?"
He's tempted to say a lot of things.
I barely love you as a human
Who says I love you?
I'd feed you to my snakes
Out loud he just says, "Idiot," before leaving the kitchen. He can hear Naruto shout after him.
"Oi, bastard! Get back here, you didn't answer my question!"
-
It's always hard when they have to be apart. Being away from Naruto is like missing a limb—and he can say that, since he's actually missing a limb.
This time it's not Sasuke who is away. Naruto had been assigned an escort mission with his genin team, and was estimated to be gone for a week.
Sasuke feels his absent like a hole in his chest. He tries to fill it with food and alcohol, but nothing helps. Sakura takes him out and tries to get him to socialize a few times, but without Naruto acting as a bridge between him and the rest of the Shinobi world, most interactions fall flat. But kudos to Sakura for at least trying.
On the third day he storms the Hokage tower.
"I'm bored," he just says.
Kakashi raises an amused eyebrow, prompting him to say something—anything—else. Sasuke refuses and settles on glaring at the Hokage.
Kakashi sighs, though Sasuke is pretty sure he's smiling under the mask.
"I'm sorry, Sasuke," he apologizes dryly. "I don't have anything that urgently needs your attention at the moment. Be patient. Something will pop up."
Grumbling under his breath Sasuke stomps out of the Hokage office. He is restless. Worse than that—he's bored. He needs something to take his mind off of—
"ribbit"
Sasuke stops dead in his tracks.
On the ground, by his feet, is a tiny, orange toad.
Sasuke stares at it. The toad stares back.
"ribbit"
Sasuke thinks back on Naruto's question and explanation and for a hysterical moment he can't help but wonder—
"ribbit"
It's not. It can't be.
He activates his Sharingan, just to be sure. It looks like a normal toad. A very orange, very normal toad.
But if something went wrong with Sage Mode, would Sasuke even be able to tell?
No, no.
He's being ridiculous.
Yet, despite knowing better, Sasuke finds himself looking around to make sure no one sees him. Then, he scoops the little toad up in his hand. It doesn't try to run, instead settling down nicely. Sasuke stares at it for a while. The toad stares back up.
He swallows.
"Naruto?"
"ribbit"
Sasuke sighs. "I'm going mad."
-
Sasuke was, indeed, going mad.
He brought the toad home, made a cozy little enclosure for it, and proceeded to name it Naruto.
Deep down he knows it's not possible. For a myriad of reasons. No matter how high-stress the fight, Naruto always had amazing control when it came to balancing his own chakra with the nature chakra. He was also on a D-rank mission, something that absolutely should not have triggered him to use Sage Mode. And if something had happened to Naruto he should've heard it by now. His genin team would've returned, or they would've sent a messenger bird.
And yet...
The little toad is loud and orange and talkative and very much does remind Sasuke of Naruto.
Until Naruto returns he can't rule out the possibility.
"I thought Naruto was the toad whisperer between the two of you?" Sakura comments when she comes over for lunch.
"ribbit"
Sasuke doesn't share his suspicion. Not yet. It's still two more days until Naruto's estimated return.
"Hn," he just says, peeling off the lid from the lunchbox Sakura brought.
She gets a knowing glint in her eye as she watches the toad, and her gaze glides over to Sasuke.
"You know," she says with a smirk. "He kind of reminds me of him..."
Sasuke ignores the implication and the unasked question in her words and chews slowly on a piece of pork with his eyes closed.
Sakura sighs. "It's okay to miss him. I do too."
Sasuke doesn't say anything, mostly because no matter what Sakura says, she would never understand.
The bond between him and Naruto far exceeds missing each other. Not in the sense she thinks, at least. Missing someone is natural, bearable. But this sort of missing? Where it feels like you're not even a whole person without them? It's unbearable. It's driving him crazy. Crazy enough to believe his boyfriend has turned into a toad.
Another croak.
Sasuke opens his eyes to look at it.
Sakura giggles into her hand.
"You even glare at it the same way," she teases.
He pointedly ignores her.
-
By the fifth day, Sasuke has developed a routine.
He wakes up. The toad is already awake.
It croaks at him from inside its enclosure until he lets it out. It immediately hops onto his shoulder.
Sasuke pretends this is an inconvenience.
It is not.
He makes tea with one hand. The toad watches from its perch, blinking slowly. When Sasuke moves, it adjusts its footing without complaint.
"You're not him," Sasuke mutters.
The toad presses its cool little body against his neck.
Sasuke goes very still.
"...Idiot," he breathes.
-
On the sixth day, he almost takes it to the Hokage.
He stands outside the tower with the toad tucked into the sleeve of his cloak, its tiny head poking out.
"This is stupid," he mutters.
The toad blinks up at him.
He imagines walking into Kakashi's office.
"What seems to be the problem, Sasuke?"
"I believe my boyfriend has turned into a toad."
Kakashi would never let him live it down.
Sasuke turns around and goes home.
-
The door bursts open just as Sasuke is feeding toad Naruto some flies.
"I'M HO—" Naruto stops in his tracks and stares at the scene before him.
Sasuke is so flustered he feels like he's gonna explode.
"It's not what it looks like," he blurts out.
Naruto slowly closes the door behind him, eyes going from the toad to Sasuke, back to the toad.
"Uhm," he scratches the back of his head. "Who's your new buddy?"
Sasuke can't answer. He is absolutely mortified on seven different levels. The fact that he for a moment had thought the toad was Naruto, that he had taken home a random toad and turned him into a pet, that he missed Naruto so much he went and befriended a toad.
He wants to sink through the floor.
Something in his expression must've shown, because something seems to click in Naruto's head.
He looks like he's holding in laughter.
"Say, Sasuke...Did you think that toad was—me?"
He can't answer, he can't even look at his boyfriend and that seems to be confirmation enough.
Naruto falls to the floor, laughing so hard tears are streaming down his face.
"Shut up, you useless idiot!" Sasuke barks. "If you hadn't put that idea in my head—"
"No, no," Naruto wheezes. "I'm sorry. This is so precious."
Sasuke considers throwing the toad at his head, but he actually kind of likes toad Naruto, so he refrains.
Naruto climbs to his feet, coming to stand right next to Sasuke.
"You even made a little enclosure," he hiccups, awed as he wipes his tears away. "Sasuke—"
"Not," he grits out, "another word."
Naruto's arms come to wrap around his middle and he hugs him closely.
"You would," he whispers breathlessly. "You would still love me if I was a toad."
Sasuke hides his face in Naruto's shoulder.
"Idiot," he mutters. "Of course I would."
Naruto laughs, not mocking, just pure delight. He looks at the enclosure again.
"This is the most unhinged and romantic thing you've ever done," he says with a smile. "But I think we're gonna have to let him out."
Sasuke nods. "If you tell anyone—"
Naruto mimes zipping his lips and throwing away the key. Then, he leans forward and nuzzles Sasuke's cheek.
"And for the record, I would still love you even if you turned into a grumpy little snake."
Sasuke closes his eyes, arm coming up to hug him back.
"Idiot."