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Beaford woke up on his futon, feeling particularly well rested and cozy, since it was February, the month of the last winter and the start of summer; he slept late last night and did want to go back to sleep— but still he chose to get up to cook breakfast for them.
It's been a little over a few years since Beaford and Alicia became roommates. Not too long, but not too short either, Beaford could finally say he knows her well enough to be a close friend. He wasn't sleeping on the sofa anymore, but a storage room they managed to save up a futon for. It was a bit dusty, but nothing a little cleaning can't fix.
And now it was a sweet room with even a desk, but not much was really in it since the living room was pretty much still his room in his heart, and has every knick knack Beaford collected over the years under the table or on the shelves. Alicia can have her big office with a random sword display— and he can have the living room.
They still do their exorcism work, but Beaford has tried to do part-time jobs sometimes to help with bills and Alicia even started doing some of the housework— that part surprised Beaford the most, it's not like she's lazy but she already has a lot on her plate dealing with paperwork about their exorcism jobs and— anyways, he's mostly stopped with the part-time jobs since his cosplaying account has been gaining traction and has been paying a small— but enough— amount for extra help.
His way of living has been comfortable, and he can even call this shabby apartment his home. He still fears the future, but right now, he can focus on the present and sincerely say, it's nice. He's been roommates with others in the past, but this was different.
Particularly because, Alicia was her boss and quite possibly— crush..?
"Morning." Speak of the devil, it was Alicia in the flash.
"Good morning~ I finished cooking. Let's eat." Beaford replied, as cool— as he can be— as ever.
But he wasn't kidding when he said different— Alicia was definitely different, not like his usual crushes, if this was highschool, she'd be like a senior he'd have a little crush on for being so cold, nonchalant, and most importantly, distant— at the end of the day, he'll conclude that damn, she's way out of my league— but that's the thing with Alicia, the reason he ended up liking her more and more is because of how close they are with each other, and how much he ended up getting to know about her, big or small.
But the way he realized he was in love with her wasn't a surprise, shock, but a realization— a resignation. Beaford fell in love as easily as a feather falling— it may be a little slow, but it drops anyways.
But honestly— he's not that sure about all this either. One, there's no way the workaholic Alicia could find the time for anything; two, the way he fell in love wasn't the only thing different, his actual love also is. There's none of that nervousness or butterflies that gets one questioning whether it's a bad feeling or a really good one; he didn't crash straight down with a thumping heart— he was just...content.
Beaford wouldn't mind spending his entire life by Alicia's side, this monotone, peaceful— occasionally really stressful— life, and he's got a feeling, no matter how small said feeling is, that Alicia wouldn't mind either.
They sat eating silently, except for the occasional sound of a newspaper's page turning, none other than Alicia reading it.
She's really old-fashioned... These days, Beaford is fine with eating food without having the need to use his phone, but a particular itch just couldn't shake itself off his back this morning, like he was forgetting something. He was just scrolling when a certain video popped up—
Shit.
Valentine's day.
His eyes couldn't help but glance back up to gaze at Alicia before swiftly going back to his phone's calendar.
She's not saying anything at all.
She probably hasn't even noticed it's that day.
Back then, he probably wouldn't have cared either. In fact, he'd even get annoyed.
"Beaford, it's Valentine's day." Alicia suddenly spoke up.
He was speechless for a second, but then quickly stutters out— "Y-Yeah."
"We have a case coming up." Alicia then drops.
Beaford's face also drops. "Oh. Um... Okay. Working on the holidays? That's real dim."
"No, we start a few days after. Seems our client cares about laws about work-off during holidays..."
"Oh, that's nice..."
Silence fell upon the table once again.
But then—
"Aren't you going...to say something?" It was Alicia.
Beaford almost dropped his fork to the ground. "Wh-What?"
"It's Valentine's day." Alicia gestured, again.
When Beaford just stared at her, clearly puzzled, Alicia decides to continue— "Love tangent? Jealousy? Bitterness? Gushing? Giggling? No 'Alicia let's watch this stupid romcom movie!' or, 'Alicia buy me a PS4 because you got too much gifts!'?"
Beaford gaped like a fish on land. "Oh."
He doesn't ever choose to care about Valentine's day, he just naturally buys into the love propaganda that all comes out during said day— leading to... whatever Alicia said. But since this time was different, he didn't scroll on his phone first thing in the morning (and make himself mad), nor check the mail outside. He's been planning for this day, but totally forgot it was said day.
Alicia didn't speak of it further, which made Beaford swallow down his fears and ask, "Wanna go to the movies with me?"
"Hm?"
"Th-There's this thing coming out in theaters— it's a documentary movie based on some historical figure— do you wanna go?"
"Do we have to? Can't we just stay in?"
Beaford deflated like a balloon.
Alicia saw and sighed, "I mean. We can go. If you really want to."
"You don't have to force yourself— it's fine..." He said, but the 'fine' in his voice was nowhere to be found.
Alicia continued anyway, "Just, let me check if I have enough money—"
"What?! No!" Beaford quickly called. "I'll pay for us!"
"With what money? I literally pay you." She shot back.
"I do have money! Really!!!" He insisted. "Came from my...cosplaying videos...."
"Oh. Um...are you sure? But, okay then. When?"
He couldn't help but be surprised. "Really?"
"Do you want me to change my mind?"
"After lunch."
Alicia is a busy person, so she didn't even notice Beaford leaving. Then again, she doesn't notice much if she's not investigating; the dates, holidays, even her own birthday sometimes.
She doesn't remember holidays unless it's shoved right in her face, which honestly happens quite often. Also what Beaford has been doing for these past years.
Valentine's day.
The day to be all gushy and mushy about love.
What even is love?
There's so many types too.
I just can't understand why one type of love is valued above all else.
Of course, she's thinking about romantic love. It's been reverend for thousands of centuries. It's what most people talk about, what most people dream about.
She's never found herself interested in it, but the closest people in her heart always seem to be talking about it.
It's not that I don't understand— okay...perhaps I really don't understand...bloody hell, it's because I've never thought of such trivial things like this.
It's been a year since she's solved what has been plaguing her for even longer— and she's found her life strangely empty since. It's not that bad, but it's like she traded something in her life to satiate her hunger for answers.
She isn't letting exorcism consume her life anymore, but what else is her life but just that?
"Alicia~! I'm back!" Beaford called out.
"You left?"
"Ouch. Anyways— I bought lunch. I'm too lazy to cook right now."
"Oh okay. Nice. Should we eat?"
"Aren't you curious why I went out?"
"It's not really my business, but you could just say it."
He sighed, but nonetheless, "Ta-da! I bought you flowers."
For the first time in a while, Alicia felt inexplicably perplexed. "A... bouquet?"
Beaford grins and nods eagerly. "Don't you like~ it? It's really pretty isn't it? I saw how white it was and I was like, that's totally Alicia! But I thought red roses were the most romantic~ ahem. I meant they're really pretty so I included them too."
"Red roses among white ones, huh... Shoulda guessed you'd be type to buy into those Valentine's day propaganda consumerism bullshit."
"Wait! What?!" He exclaimed—
Alicia interrupted, "Not that's it's too terrible. The fact that you've only started now is the most surprising thing to me."
"That's..! That's just..."
"It's probably because you're not as broke anymore."
"I literally bought the bouquet just for you, not because I—..."
"For me?"
"Okay, maybe I did buy into the capitalism propaganda during holidays...! But..."
"That's fine, I suppose the apartment needs a splash of color. Though, do we even have a vase?"
"It's... Valentine's day! I finally allowed myself to really enjoy this stupid holiday without letting those stupid couples that keep slobbering in front my salad ruin it for me! And you, Alicia..! I just...I just wanted to thank you for being a great friend...roommate, and boss...you're really cool! Alright?!"
"..."
"..."
After a beat of silence, Alicia's very slightly widened eyes immediately went to back to normal. "Alright... Thank you." Alicia smiles, ever so slightly.
"Y-You're welcome..." He replied.
"Though can we even take care of this? It'd probably wilt within a week."
"I-I'll try to remember to water it!"
Alicia raised a brow to that but made no other qualms and left, holding the bouquet in hand. Beaford didn't question it and starts preparing the food he bought.
Alicia comes back with an ordinary, ugly vase— or maybe pot? She fills it with water and puts the roses in it.
"Huh. So you do know how to care for plants..."
Alicia shrugs. "I know this much, at least."
They both sat down to start eating; Beaford reminds before they do, "I hope you haven't forgotten about our...arrangement."
"The movies. I don't know what movie you were talking about. After we eat." Alicia answered.
"Wow... You really remembered." Beaford muttered.
"I'm not senile yet, okay?"
He smiled from ear to ear, and Alicia looks at him, as perplexed as before. He's really looking forward to it...
They went inside the cinema theater; and after buying tickets, Beaford stood in front of the register, thinking hard of a popcorn flavor. "Alicia, what do you want?"
"I don't really mind, I'm fine with even no flavor."
Beaford gasps dramatically. "Oh hell no!"
The cashier sighed, considering the fact that they've been standing there for more than ten minutes now. "There are other people waiting after you, so... may I suggest the salted caramel?"
"Sweet popcorn? I guess so... Alicia?" He looked back at her, and she nods. "Alright then!"
Just when the cashier sighed in relief, Beaford muttered, "As for the drinks.... Is there no tea here?"
"Sir, this is a cinema theater. The menu is up there."
"Soda, soda, soda... guess we'll have some soda. Maybe water too?"
The worker who's clearly not paid enough for this job had to smile as always— "Coming right up sir!"
Beaford and Alicia sat in their seats, watching the trailers intently.
Alicia was never one to watch anything intently, it's always just background noise for her. Over the years, Beaford noted that she was more into non-fiction— scratch that, she really just can't get into fiction. It's why he chose a movie that's based off real life events— plus Beaford needed an excuse to go out with her like an actual date, so he had to start researching all the movies that were available.
He looked to her side and found, as always she didn't seem to be paying attention. Beaford had to poke her cheek and say what just happened as Alicia nods along.
Then, they both continued to watch intently, finding the movie decently interesting. Nothing too groundbreaking, a little informative, just— well. A lot like most historical films.
Unfortunately, Beaford was into fiction more than, well, anyone else he knew, and he really tried to watch the movie like the person she forced to go with him— but he probably shouldn't have stayed up all night playing video games and groggily wondering why there was so much Valentine's-special themed stuff in it when "Valentine's day is like— a few days away though? I guess it is still February..."
"Beaford," she whispers, "I find this a little inaccurate. They got some of the details, but—... Beaford?" She looked to his side and found him asleep.
She couldn't help but snicker— I'd have to tell him what happens when he wakes up. Not much anyways, since I sense that the movie is almost over. Alicia takes her coat off to cover him like a blanket.
And then, it was. Alicia never cared for watching the credits but she remembers Beaford intently watching something like it, to 'appreciate the animators and actors work' or 'maybe there's more scenes at the end!' but then again it's not like she wants more scenes nor does she thinks it's the same thing— but she watches until the end anyways.
Alicia looked to her side. Beaford hasn't moved an inch, still sleeping. She wakes him up, "Beaford, wake up. There weren't any extra scenes."
"Wha-Wha-Whaeuhsh...?"
"Let's go home."
Beaford rubbed the sleep off his eyes, "Oh my god, did I just miss the movie?! I— I— wow, this theater is surprisingly comfy—..."
Alicia takes her coat and puts it on.
"Cold! Cold! Let's get out of here!"
"...Okay."
Outside the auditorium, Beaford had his eyebrows hunched over, wondering what day, time, occurrence it is. He doesn't exactly remember why they were at the theaters, but he's fallen asleep at enough auditoriums to find out he's always missing out at the movie's ending.
"We were watching that historical movie you wanted. I liked it more than I expected considering you were the one who wanted to watch it."
Beaford's eyes quickly widened, realization hitting him like a lightbulb. "Oh! Oh. Date!"
"It's the 14th of February . Remember yet?"
"Yes, yes!" He turns to her, "Let's have a fancy dinner tonight."
"Why?" Alicia raised a brow.
"What do you mean why?? Let's have a candle-lit date!"
Alicia looked around and saw a bunch of couples...and figured Beaford was bitter about being single again. "For the atmosphere?"
"Did I just say that out loud?—" Beaford quickly says.
"It was supposed to be an inside thought?"
"Um... Yeah... Nevermind that! But you do agree, right..?" He then mutters, "I can use those candles again..."
They were in the grocery store at 6 pm in the evening, browsing through the goods. It was usually just Beaford who went grocery shopping, so it was a breath of fresh air having Alicia with him. He'd force Alicia to be the one to ask the employees about stuff, much to her dismay.
It was just an ordinary day, grocery shopping, all the while ignoring every Valentine's day themed stands and displays. Beaford couldn't lie and say he didn't like it though, the 50% discount for every chocolate that's probably close to expiration, the red and pink decorations all over the place; it makes the usually irritating, white fluorescent lights a bit warmer.
Beaford couldn't take it anymore when he saw his favorite childhood chocolate. It's heart themed too! Adorable!" ...Would you look at that! It's cheap!"
"I suppose you're still a rich kid somehow." Alicia replies.
"What? Look at the price!"
"That's rich kid chocolate. You'd get something even bigger than that if you just buy normal brands."
"But... It's sooo cute..." He whined.
"Buy it if you want, of course. We have enough budget."
"Really?!?!~ Thank you!!!!!!" Beaford cooed, then paused. Wait. Aren't I supposed to buy her something? We're buying groceries... with her money...! He was just smiling, but his face dropped and squirmed within a second.
"???" She knows this face, especially after living with Beaford for some time. "We..." cautiously, she continues, "can split the price of groceries?"
He beams. "Yeah~! Okay!"
—
They got home; they opened the lights, Alicia hung her coat, and set the stuff down on the kitchen.
"Go change your clothes before you start cooking."
Beaford paused in the process of putting his apron on. ".....fine."
Alicia looked at all they bought. "You're baking too?"
"Yep! What do you want? I can make any baked goods you want! You said those were your favorites right?"
"Yeah...though, anything is fine."
"Hmmm....you're a full-on Brit, so maybe some scones?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" She scoffed, which covered the fact that she perked up a bit at the mention of scones, though she'd look normal to anyone else— but not to Beaford.
While Beaford was cooking, Alicia sat on the dinner table reading the manga Beaford managed to convince her to read. Corny, romantic love songs has been playing in the apartment above, for about forty-five minutes now, making it reverberate through the room below— which is their apartment— and they've been trying to keep it together, trying not to go insane.
"Now time to wait for it boil." He said, to no one in particular, then sat beside Alicia. "You ever danced waltz?"
"Once or twice." Alicia answered.
"Same. Want to?"
"...Why?" She slowly put down her book.
"You can refuse..." He responded with an awkward smile.
"Hmm...sure, for a little while." She took his hand and put it on her shoulder.
When they stood up, she found Beaford struggling a little; and so he says, "You're way too tall, besides I should be the one holding your waist."
"Oh. I forgot...yeah, sure." Alicia moved her hands to on top of his shoulder.
"...." Beaford awkwardly held her waist, and they stared at each other just as awkwardly, with Beaford looking up and Alicia looking down.
"So?" Alicia asked.
Beaford scrambled to start, flowing along with the music; he was basically making up moves. He really didn't know what he was doing, and more times than he did, Alicia led them.
They were holding hands now instead of the usual waist-holding-shit, and Alicia says in between, "you know there's other steps in a waltz. I didn't think there'd be anyone worse than me."
He huffed. "Hey, to be fair, the last time I danced this, I was still wearing a ball gown."
"Hmm...you mean with your cosplay stuff?"
"No— I mean...you know..." He tilted his head trying to gesture.
"Huh? What?" She thinks for a moment— "hmm. Oh— oh, wait. That."
"Yep..." Beaford didn't bother asking if they were talking about the same thing and rambles on, "I didn't think the guy actually needed to do so much, considering how much the girls twirl; made me dizzy as hell. Actually, you haven't twirl—"
"No thanks." She immediately shut down.
"Okay...fair. What about the part when you fall on me and I catch you?"
"I'm surprised you'd suggest that, considering I'm way heavier than you."
"It took me a lot of courage."
"Well, I'd have to politely refuse."
They did one last sway; the song ended, and they let go to bow to each other.
"That was surprisingly good!" Beaford exclaimed, his heart loudly pounding against his ribcage.
"You stepped on my foot more times than I can count." Alicia replied, equal parts amused and irritated.
"Hehe, sorry..." He laughs and laughs, and felt light. So light that he even got the urge to tell her— "Alicia... I've been thinking... I should tell you even if you probably won't care."
She nods, "I've been waiting."
Beaford blushes bashfully, "what?! You know that I— I..."
"You've been wanting to take that entrance exam for that university right? I think it's all good. You should go for it."
"I— what??!!!! How— how did you even find out about that?!"
"You forgot to close your computer."
"Well, I've been debating on it, there'll be a lot of costs, and I doubt I'd be able to help much with exorcism anymore—"
"Well it's not like you're much help anyways—...I meant that this would be better for you. You can always help me sort the paperwork, and maybe you can still help out practically sometimes."
"But that's...I'd be freeloading even more! And I'm not even sure if I'm able to pass the exam, and I wasn't even talking about that— and, and..."
"The university is free, isn't it? You can even get scholarships." Alicia tilts her head. "But anyways, what were you going to talk about then?"
"It's...nothing...I..." Beaford's face progressively turned beet red. "Will I be your valentine?!"
"What?"
"I meant, will you be my valentine?!"
"What? O...kay?"
"What?! No, no— I mean, I meant like—" the timer Beaford put on for the food started ringing. "Damn it, wait, nevermind—"
Alicia saw the oven ping too, and got the baked goods out the oven. "Hmm. You're pretty good at baking too. These look store-bought."
"Hehehe, you always say that. What about this?" He prepares the stew.
"Yes. It's pretty good too. But, Beaford..."
"Hm?" Said guy in question was preparing the plates.
"When you go back to college, promise me you'll continue taking care of yourself like now.
"Whaaaa—" he scratched his head with a goofy smile, "Alicia, I'm not even all that sure yet— especially since I'm almost turning twenty-seven—"
"There's no shame in that. I'll drive you everyday, and I'll help with the costs, just don't stop eating properly— and continue cooking— and yeah."
Beaford started to chuckle. "You just want someone cooking and doing chores around here."
Alicia looked to the side, uncharacteristically embarrassed. "I can't lie when I say you didn't help a lot around here... I just want you to pursue something you actually like. But it's okay if you do focus on it, I can handle myself."
".....I honestly doubt that, but thanks Alicia." Beaford smiles, then sighs before heading out the kitchen to get something.
Alicia questioned it, but didn't ask further; she leaves to take out a cigar and starts lighting it. Beaford takes a while to find them, but eventually gets back with some candles, "Alicia?" He then called out.
"Yeah?" Alicia yelled from outside.
He goes out and finds her— "You're smoking? Now? Really??"
"Sorry. This is almost done, anyways." Her hoarse voice replies.
He really hates it when anyone smokes— even if it was Alicia, but—... I have no right to tell her to exactly...stop and all...
When they went inside, Alicia immediately recognized those candles. "What the fuck's up with the candles? Are you trying to summon another demon?"
"No! I just want the atmosphere! You agreed to a fancy candle-lit dinner!" Beaford retorts.
"I thought you were joking..." Alicia mumbles. She moves away to exhale, then gets back after a few seconds. "I guess I'll help you light it."
Beaford involuntarily recoiled at the smell of smoke; and so he left to turn off the lights, then sat down at the dinner table.
She wasn't there yet, since she had to settle down the now-burnt cigarette onto their ashtray.
Alicia gets back and sat down with him. "This is more like having a power outage than a candle-lit dinner if I'm going to be honest."
"That's..." Beaford sighs, "true. Sorry, I'll—"
"Nah, it's fine, you went through too much effort now."
They started eating, spoon and forks clinking throughout the silent apartment, the playlist of songs upstairs completely gone.
Beaford decided to fill the empty silence, gathering the courage once again. "You know, there's other things I like other than programming..."
"? Yeah? Obviously?"
"No! No, I meant, you— I like, like you."
"Like..?" Alicia gazed at him, with concerned brows and diverting eyes.
"You know, like! As in..."
"???"
"Please don't make me say it." He pleaded.
"Say what?" Alicia, as oblivious as ever, continued to ask unaware of the turmoil it caused the guy in front.
"We had a movie date... We're having a fancy candle-lit dinner..! Maybe I should've booked at an actual restaurant but you've told me how you like my cooking and I know your tastes and I'm trying to save up more money so I can repay you with everything you've ever granted me, which is a lot, and I don't know how to ever repay you and—"
"Whoa, slow down. You don't need to repay me in any way, remember? I've told you before. I didn't do anything for you. I just gave you the tools, you're the one who built everything in your life now."
"I know, I know I remember— I just mean... I'm selfish— I just want to do it...for the person I....l-lo— I really like."
"? Thanks...? I really like you too."
Beaford gestured wildly— "Romantically! I meant— romantic...ally..." He gulps, "I know you don't, and I'm not sure either, and I don't really like thinking of the future, but I want you to stay by my side in it. It's just... I'll get so busy with college if ever, so I was planning to really put it off, you know..?"
"Don't do that. I'm glad you're having some direction in your life. You shouldn't put it down because of some fickle feelings."
"What? That's not...I'm not, that's..."
"I get why, Beaford. I'm the only figure that really helped out in your darkest moment, and even better, I don't know your past, I don't know who you were, and only you now. It's all good, since I'm the same. We clinked together so well because all we know is ourselves now, and not the pasts we want to forget. You'll find someone better, Beaford."
Beaford actually drops his spoon this time. "You don't get to decide how I feel."
"Maybe I shouldn't, but aren't I right?"
"No! Beaford surprisingly— at least to Alicia— snaps. "At least just reject me normally. I-I told you already, I'm not sure either, but I wanted you to at least consider— okay maybe not even that, but yeah!"
"Beaford. I know you. I've known you for years. You're a person full of love. And I don't have enough love to give. The most love you'll get from me is the freedom to love someone you actually do. I— care for you a lot."
"That's..." He rubbed the tears forming in his eyes away. "...I know, but still..."
"We're basically opposites. We get along, but we still have traits we don't like each about each that we can't ever change. I don't want you compromising." Alicia reached her hand out to wipe his face.
Beaford blabbered out— "You remember the obscure dessert I like. You don't mind my nerdy stuff, you try with everything, you even let me live with you despite having nothing to my name—"
Alicia thoughtfully added, "To be fair, I knew how rich you were."
"Not the point! You... always pull me to safety, heck, you even knew I've killed someone before and you still treated me the same! And I just... I don't need to be with you to know how much you l-love and care for me."
Both Alicia and Beaford slightly cringed internally at the word love, a word foreign on their tongues despite being surrounded by it— but they don't let it show. Alicia walks over to his side to try and comfort him, as badly as always— but at least she tries. "I do, but I'm just not the type of love you want. I...l-love..?" She barely scrapes by. "—you enough to know that."
Beaford hugs her, as awkward as ever even if this wasn't the first time they did. "It doesn't matter, Alicia. I...love...you too."
Alicia hugs back, "it matters to me. Living a loveless life is the worst fate I can imagine for you. Other than you know, dying and all."
At that, Beaford chuckles lightly, one last tear dropping. "But you...do love me, don't you? Alicia, I just want to stay by your side."
"I...do..? I do. And, of course you will. I will too. Although nothing is really certain in the future."
"Please stop making it ominous."
"Sorry."
...