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The foliage was thick where the helicopter went down. The first thing Rudy felt was hot. Hot hot hot… searing up his leg… he didn’t know where he was. Surrounded by metal, light was everywhere. Flickering, burning so hot it hurt his eyes. He climbed for the first exit he saw, somehow hoisting himself over the edge, into the brush below. The pain was so strong he could smell it, but the metal was burning and Rudy was too. Orang flames danced up his leg, searing the skin. He coughed, the smoke scratching his lungs.
After rolling the fire off, he got up, disoriented, and ran. Leaves and thorned bushes ripped his legs open as he ran, his head snapping back and forth. Water… he needed water. His skin felt as though it was bubbling, scorched to the nerves. Running down the hill was a small spring, which Rudy essentially crashed into. He fell hard, his chest hitting the brush as he crawled to get his legs in the water. He hissed, before coughing, vomiting the soot from his lungs.
He rolled, laying his head beside the puddle of soot filled vomit. The water rushed over his leg, soothing the burn.
Where was he? He looked around. He was surrounded by thick forest, sunlight filtering in through the leaves. The helicopter had crashed. Rudy hurt all over, was bleeding out of a wound in his lower abdomen. Cursing, he pulled his first aid kit from his gear. He needed to stop the bleeding, and fast. He pulled his gear off and hiked his shirt up, pulling the stitching thread and needle from the kit.
He sewed himself up, swearing like a sailor all the while. He laid back, panting once he finished, his hands covered in his own blood. He washed them off in the stream, before ripping open a gauze patch and pressing it into his abdomen. He could keep that there…
He pulled his leg out of the stream, hissing and dousing it back in. Sitting up, he saw that the calf was blistering and ugly. He leaned back, sighing gently.
“This is Rodolfo Parra from Los Vaqueros. It is… 16:28. I survived the helicopter crash. I’m not sure if there were any other survivors… I don’t think so. The helicopter was on fire. I’ve got a big burn and a laceration, and probably a concussion. I hope you find me soon.” He recorded that way that when he was rescued… if he was rescued… they would know what happened.
Rudy eventually dragged himself up, salvaging as much as he could from the crash site. There were no other survivors, so Rudy stripped them of all that was useful to him. He didn’t know how long it would be before he would get help. He returned to the stream with his items, hiking upstream for a while until he had a good view of the area, yet was still concealed enough. Ration boxes from fireproof containers would have to be his new favorite food. God, he missed Alejandro. He missed his barking laughter and raspy voice. He purified some water, sitting as the iodine worked.
Around 6, he opened up one of the containers, digging out a ration. He used the stream water to soften the main course, eating the cracker and peanut butter, as well as the weird fruit bar. He ate the disgusting ration meal.
Rudy cleared a spot between some bushes, scavenging for tall sticks and branches. He was taking a bit longer to set it up due to his injuries, but he couldn’t stop. He set up a small structure, just large enough to sleep inside. It would keep him warm during cold nights, keep him hidden from whatever came looking, and it was beside a stream. He spent some time setting it up with leaves and brambles, that way it would blend in even more.
Rudy sat, pulling his hood up, his legs ached from work and injury, his body swollen and stiff. He looked around at the vast wilderness before him, hoping he wouldn’t be there too terribly long…
“Well, what a predicament…” Rudy mumbled to himself. “Bet I’ll have to be pretty good company for a while. I should bring in the rations.” He pointed out audibly. He got up, wincing, and carried the box of rations inside. He set it up nicely close to where his head was, then sat back down.
It wasn’t even dark when he fell asleep.
…
“¿Qué?” What? Alejandro asked, his voice low and in disbelief. “¿QUÉ? THE FUCK YOU MEAN YOU LOST CONTACT?” He stood up, pacing anxiously. Rudy was on that helicopter. Rudy was missing. “Are we searching yet?!”
“N-not yet, sir, we-“
“You send everyone you know out for that helicopter.” Alejandro growled. The other man ran out of the room to deliver orders. Alejandro sat in his chair at his desk, burying his head in his hands. He needed Rudy okay. He needed it more than anything.
…
“This is Sergeant Major Rodolfo Parra of Los Vaqueros. It is 11:15, March 4th. I’m more injured than I thought. I tried my best to sew up the other wounds during the first night. I hope you’re looking for me. I don’t want to starve. I have rations, but only enough for about 9 days or so. Mierda… The other containers burst open and burnt up. I don’t have much iodine either, but the stream is pretty clear. Nothing more to report.” He ended the recording. He got up and returned to the wreckage, seeing if there was anything else he could salvage. Nothing turned up. He couldn’t move fast, limping from the large burn on his leg. He had cut the sleeve off his forearm to create a makeshift barrier from the burn, but each day the pus glued the fabric to his skin, and he had to peel it off painfully.
He went through his rations, counting them. It had been days with no signs of rescue… He’d have to make the rations last longer. Reluctantly, he decided that 2 rations a day would have to do, that way he could stretch the meals over about 9 days. It made him terribly hungry in the mornings and between lunch and dinner. He had bigger fish to fry anyway.
…
Soap and Price talked outside of Alejandro’s office. They had been getting more and more worried about the other man as time dragged on. He couldn’t speak to anyone without bringing Rudy up. Everyone tended to stay away from the colonel, fearing his emotions. Price had asked around, nobody had seen Alejandro sleep. In fact, his office light was always on, and in the few times where it wasn’t, he would pace anxiously. Nobody had seen him eat, either.
“There’s no way I’ll be able to force him to rest. You’ll have to get Ghost for that.” Soap whispered.
“Just ask him, MacTavish.” Price insisted, holding a tray of food. Soap sighed wearily, knocking twice before pushing the door open.
“Hola, hermanos.” Alejandro said from his desk.
“Hey, hermano.” Soap nodded. “You should rest.”
“Not now, Soap.” Alejandro sighed, shaking his head. “He’s still out there.”
“Alejandro, it’s been 3 days.” Soap insisted. “You need to sleep.” Soap said beside Price as the other man set down his meal.
“I’m fine, MacTavish, gracias, Price.” He thanked. Soap grumbled, turning to face Ghost, who seemed to have just arrived, and watched as he steered Soap out of the room.
“You’ll find him.” Price patted his shoulder.
“Chingado, we better.” Fuck. He mumbled. “Alive, too.”
Price nodded, sitting down so he could make sure the other man ate. He stayed with him until the plate was empty and the cup was too, then he took the dishes away and let Alejandro be.
…
Rudy sat in his makeshift tent, sunlight filtering in between branches that he had used. He was laying in bed, his breathing heavy. Slowly, he reached for his recording device.
“It’s Sergeant Major Rodolfo Parra of Los Vaqueros, 18:33 on the sixth of March. I opened my stitches. Can almost hear your voice, Ale. Telling me to be more careful. They caught me down by the helicopter site. I was able to get away, only have one bullet left. It hurts, Ale. I hope you’re looking for me.” He said, ending the recording after a long pause. He leaned back, tired from the long day. He knew he had to get up and make food, but his entire body ached.
Maybe he could just nap.
…
“Sleep.” Ghost demanded, pushing him towards his bed. He had dragged him kicking and fighting all the way from his office to his quarters, surely gaining a few bruises. “I won’t let you leave until you do.”
“You don’t know what you’re doing, pendejo..” Asshole. Alejandro spat, glaring at Ghost.
“You need to sleep.” He said, pulling up a chair and sitting in front of the door. Alejandro begrudgingly laid in bed, grumbling under his breath. His head ached from days spent awake, he truly did need rest, his body falling under immediately.
In his sleep, he dreamt of Rudy. He dreamt of his beautiful face, his amazing smile. He dreamed of their hug before Rudy had left.
He dreamt of finding out Rudy had gone missing again. He dreamt that he was the rescuer, all of a sudden. He didn’t know much about how to be a rescuer, but he needed to find Rudy. He searched all over the wilderness, until he finally came upon a small camp, and heard Rudy’s voice. He grinned, rushing to the camp, only to find Rudy on the ground, his face smothered with blood, skull cracked open and spilling over the ground.
“You let me go, Alejandro…” Rudy croaked, his voice sickening. “You let me die, you-”
Alejandro woke up with hands pushing him against the bed. He spotted a skull, just like Rudy’s from his dream. He was thrashing, sweaty and yelling something, but he wasn’t sure what.
“Alejandro!” The skull shouted. Ghost’s voice. “Calm- Calm!” Alejandro slowly stopped thrashing, dilated eyes rushing around the room. His room, he wasn’t outside. It wasn’t Rudy’s skull he was staring at, but the one that adorned Simon Riley’s mask.
“Mierda..” Shit.
…
“Rodolfo Parra. I don’t know what time it is. I’ve been here 8 days now. Food’s looking dangerously low. Trying to stretch out a ration a day.” He mumbled. “I think I’m getting an infection. Several.” He corrected.
His leg had begun to produce a disgusting, bloody pus that soaked through the cloth he wore around it. His stitches were swollen and oozing green pus, he could feel that he was fevered, yet he was shivering.
“Ale, please keep looking for me.” He begged into the recorder. “Nothing else to report.” He said, clicking it off. His stomach growled at him, demanding food. It was difficult, even surviving off two rations a day, one felt like nothing. He was out of iodine, as of his meal that day.
He hoped Alejandro was waiting for him.
…
Alejandro had nightmares every time he slept. He woke up to Ghost holding him down as he thrashed, screaming Rudy’s name.
“I know, I know.” Was all Ghost would say. Price would always come in afterward, offering to talk. Alejandro never did, until one nightmare was particularly bad. He had woken, only to realize it was just another dream. He watched Rudy die in countless ways, saw his body mangled in ways he wouldn’t wish upon anyone.
Ghost left as Price came in and sat on the edge of the bed. Alejandro’s eyes were staring elsewhere, trying to erase the visions he had just had.
“Talk?” Price offered, as always. Alejandro’s attention snapped back to him, searching his face for… anything. He saw anxiety, helplessness.
Price truly felt helpless, he had been watching Alejandro decline for days. He had to coax him to eat anything, and had to get Ghost to force him to sleep. He had become reluctant to sleep, the threat of nightmares terrorizing him before bed. And the worst part was, Price knew he couldn’t do anything. Sure, he could make sure the man’s basic needs were met, but he knew the search was tearing him up inside. He was terrified of the possibility of Rodolfo being dead, because he knew that if Rudy was dead, Alejandro would have no reason not to let himself follow. They were connected in such a way that Price had never seen. Like one soul between two people, the only keys to the lock that was each other, the shelter that kindled each other’s fire. Without Rudy, Alejandro would surely lose himself.
“I just want him to be okay.” Alejandro spoke up at last. “I need him to be.” Price held him until his shaking dwindled, then ran a shower for him. Price had no words, and he was quickly running out of hope.
…
“It’s day ten. Rudy.” He said into the recording device. “I’m almost out of food.” He said. “I’ve developed a nasty cough. Definitely infected. I wish I wasn’t a coward. I’m going to die without ever having told you how much I love you, Alejandro.” He said, tearing up. “I love you, I always have. I should’ve told you, just to get it out.” He said, before coughing wetly. “Nothing else to report.” He said, lying back down. He was so hungry, in so much pain. He could only sleep, imagining Alejandro was right there with him.
His health was declining fast, and he knew it. He could hardly walk, barely muster enough strength to get water in order to eat. He wouldn’t be able to defend himself, should he need it. He had a disgusting cough that made him feel as though death was already upon him. His leg looked gruesome, he struggled to even look for a few seconds without gagging. It reeked of infection, his flesh decomposing off his body. He wouldn’t last much longer, and he understood completely.
…
Alejandro only ate when Price, Gaz, or Soap brought him something. They knew this, bringing him three meals each day and making sure he ate. It was a fight, making sure he could eat. His appetite had vanished along with Rudy, his stomach never settling. The 141 dreaded bringing him meals, knowing that they would have to coax him into eating. Soap got the job often, as his ability to endlessly talk soothed some of the noise in Alejandro’s head. Alejandro hated when Gaz brought him anything, because the other man just gazed at him with a look of attempted sympathy, but it just looked like badly hidden pity. He honestly preferred having his ear chattered off.
Ghost was responsible for making sure he slept, able to drag him from his office and into his bed. He would sit for hours while Alejandro fought sleep and was there to hold him down when the night terrors came. Price was always there to talk and help him into the shower after the night terrors.
But even still… Where was Rudy?
…
“I’m out of food.” Rudy’s voice was rough. “I’ve started to hallucinate. I see you everywhere. I’m glad I do. I hope you’re with me when I die.” He said, followed by a disgusting cough. “I wonder if I should use the last bullet, end this early. But I really want you to find me.” He whimpered. “If I’m alive when you find me, I want my first meal to be caldo de pollo. That sounds good, now. I want to eat it with you, my love.” He said quietly, sniffling. Tears rolled down his cheeks. Precious water and salt wasted. “I love you.” He said, ending the recording. He had terrible tremors, his lungs felt stuffy. He didn’t do much throughout the day, barely having enough energy to forage for bark to gnaw on.
…
Alejandro just acted numb, until the panic attacks weasled their way out. The only one who was allowed to handle it was Price, who would hold him until he stopped or threw up. He would listen to Alejandro ramble on about Rudy for hours, and assure him that they would find him.
He stopped promising that they would find him alive.
…
“Te amo, mi amor, Alejandro. Te amo, te amo. Te amo.” I love you, my love, Alejandro. He repeated, sobbing. No tears came out, his entire body was shaking. He was so hungry, in so much pain. He heard voices, saw Alejandro, felt him too. He couldn’t tell if it was real or not, the delirium truly setting in. He knew he was going to die. He knew he wouldn’t see the sunlight again. His wounds were too critical, oozing pus and blood steadily. His wounds smelled rancid, he was practically rotting. He was so hungry, couldn’t stay conscious for long anymore. His lungs were full of fluid, he could barely inhale. He was filthy, covered in dirt and mud that he was too weak to wash away.
“Voy a morir. Te amo.” I’m going to die. I love you. He said, ending the recording.
He could hear Alejandro’s gentle voice, but he wasn’t sure what he was saying. Wherever he turned his head, there were shadows, even in broad daylight. The only clear thought was that it was Alejandro’s voice, and he listened. He listened and let it lull him to what he knew was his last sleep.
…
Maria had always admired rescue forces, especially after her father had suffered a heart attack and paramedics brought him back to life. When she joined the military, she knew she wanted to be on a rescue team. She was a skilled medic and trained engineer as well, and prided herself on her searching and caring skills.
The call to search for the lost helicopter had surprised her, it was more intense than any case she’d taken. She led her team through searches for weeks, the helicopter wasn’t exactly where the comms had gone dark, which left a myriad of possibilities. Not only that, but the colonel was so anxious for the sergeant major to be found that he wasn’t acting rationally. Maria swore to herself that she’d find that helicopter.
She did, a little over two weeks after the helicopter had gone down. She identified the bodies of everyone.
Everyone except the sergeant major.
It was dark, their flashlights providing only a little help. She found enemies too, their bodies rotting with bullet holes in them. The sergeant major was alive, or had survived the crash, at least.
The team searched the area for a long time, recovering the few bodies that were scattered around the crash site.
“Up that hill!” Maria exclaimed, shining her flashlight up the hill. “There’s a structure!” They rushed up the hill together, approaching the small shelter.
Inside the small structure was a soldier, one who was barely breathing and looked rough. Easily, he was identified as Sergeant Major Rodolfo Parra.
The rescue team worked tirelessly to get him onto a stretcher, taking the small recording device his hand was clutched around. His body was practically decaying, smelling of infection that was clear on his leg. He was wounded, skinny, hardly breathing. His pulse was faint. Maria had to keep him alive, she promised to return him to the colonel.
…
“Alejandro!” Soap ran in, nearly slipping as he turned the corner into Alejandro’s office. “He’s been found!” He exclaimed. Alejandro stood so fast his vision went dark, so he walked blindly to Soap. Price was up immediately.
“He’s been found?!” Alejandro sat up urgently, his stomach churning with anxiety. “How? Where?”
“Alive!” Gaz exclaimed. Alejandro’s eyes widened, he couldn’t believe his ears. Seventeen days had passed, and he was alive. The soldiers rushed to the hospital he was being transferred to. It was the best in the area, about 30 minutes from base. Alejandro could hardly breathe, his memory clipping him from his office, into the truck, and then in the waiting room.
…
Hours ticked by in the waiting room. Surely, Rudy needed a lot done. The sun had just peeked over the horizon when a nurse called Alejandro’s name. Alejandro rushed to her, listening carefully to the details.
He was comatose, and had suffered severe infections. He was concussed, had pneumonia and needed his lungs drained, dehydrated, and malnourished. They had cleaned him up as much as they could, but needed oxygen and an IV, as well as strong antibiotics.
The second Alejandro saw Rudy, he broke down in the doorway. Price was behind him, but Ghost was the one who held him. Soap and Gaz draped themselves over his back, shielding him from the hurt that was just a few feet away. He was supposed to be happy… but he wasn’t. Rudy was in such rough shape… the only thing that would hurt worse than losing him was believing they hadn’t before he was gone.
He broke away from them slowly, taking a seat beside Rudy. He was so skinny, so pale. He looked terribly sick, the infection must have taken an enormous toll on his body.
“Rudy…” he whispered. A nurse pressed the recording device into his palm. Slowly, Alejandro listened.
He could never have prepared himself for what he would hear. He could hear as the delirium and illness set in. The confession of love made it all the more bitter, Alejandro couldn’t even tell him he loved him too. Rudy had truly believed Alejandro didn’t feel the same.
As the final recording played, Alejandro sobbed, heaving breaths until he threw up, and sobbing again. He sobbed and sobbed, resting his head against the sheets. It was the first time any member of the 141 had seen him cry in two weeks, and it was long overdue. His sobs were heavy, filled with an anguish that filled the room. Soap patted his back while he threw up from the force of his sobs, while Ghost silently got up to get some water for the other man.
Gaz grabbed tissues, while Price just assured him that it was alright.
…
Rudy didn’t wake up for a long time. Two weeks. Alejandro was by his side every second he was allowed, standing in the hall while the medical professionals gave care. One of the 141 members was usually with him to make sure he was alright too. He listened to the messages every day, he cried often, a dramatic contrast to the man who had refused to cry before Rudy was found. He always fell asleep at Rudy’s bedside, hoping that he would wake to find the other man awake as well.
He had grown used to the steady beep of the heart monitor. In fact, he felt anxious when he couldn’t hear it. Rudy’s heart had tried to give up twice, and he’d been pushed out into the hall while nurses took care of him, undoubtedly breaking his ribs to power his heart back on.
…
On the tenth day, Rudy began to sound like he was drowning again, his breaths bubbling and soggy. It wasn't long before the nurses rushed him out into the waiting room again while his lungs were drained.
…
On the fourteenth day, Alejandro cried himself to sleep again, it was pretty routine by that point. The 141 began to worry once again. Rudy could be comatose for… years. Forever. His heart had already tried to give out. His finding was the bit of hope they had needed at the time, but they were quickly running out of that allowance as well.
“I hope he wakes up.” Soap said, sitting on his and Ghost’s bed in the small quarters they shared. Price was at the hospital, able to summon them if he needed. Usually one of the members of the 141 was at the hospital at night with Alejandro, in case anything happened.
“Me too.” Ghost said, peeling off his mask and sitting beside Soap. “He better, or he’s bringing Alejandro with him.”
“That’s exactly what I mean.” Soap yawned. “They’ve always reminded me of us.”
“How so?” Ghost hummed, eyebrows raised slightly.
“You know how so.” Soap said, moving an arm around Ghost’s waist, his hand underneath his shirt to feel the soft, scarred skin. Ghost hummed, confirming his statement. “Either way, bed.” The Scottish man yawned again, moving to lie down in the small bed. Ghost squeezed in with him, Soap’s head pressed against his chest. Ghost turned off the lantern and showered the other man with kisses, something he did whenever he could. Soap beamed under the attention, practically glowing in the dark.
“I bet he’ll wake up.” Soap said sleepily, Ghost’s kisses making him drowsy on euphoria.
“Mmm?” Ghost hummed in reply.
“Yeah.” Soap said gently, resting his head back against Ghost’s chest, listening to his heartbeat. “I do.”
…
Alejandro woke up to chaos. Alarms were going off everywhere, loud beeping coming from Rudy's monitors.
Nurses rushed in and tried to usher him out, but Alejandro wouldn't budge. He had to help Rudy. He looked into Rudy's bloodshot eyes, filled with panic.
“Rudy-!” He strangled out as nurses tried to push him out of the door.
“You're not real.” Rudy sobbed through the oxygen mask. “This isn’t real. It’s not real!” He sobbed, trying to back away weakly.
“Rudy- I’m real!” He said, more into the door that had just been shut in his face.
Alejandro stood still for a moment, listening to the chaos behind the door. Slowly, he backed away, his back hitting the wall. His knees gave out, and he collapsed down against the white hospital wall. He was surrounded by too much white. White was everywhere. Alejandro sobbed into his hands, unsure of what he could even do. Rudy believed he was a hallucination.
Alejandro heard footsteps, but didn't realize who it was until Soap sat beside him.
“He's awake… chingado… He thinks I’m a hallucination.” Fuck... Alejandro sobbed. Soap rubbed his back awkwardly, listening for once. “I woke up to a million alarms going… they all just pushed me out but Rudy… he looked so afraid….” He said, his breath hitching. Soap nodded softly, unsure what to say.
Half an hour later, a nurse emerged from the room and stopped in front of Alejandro. Alejandro cleared his throat and stood up.
“He’s alright now. He woke up and sent himself into a panic attack because he believed you were a hallucination. We’re going to try and expose him to other people that he knows first to ease him into interaction. He's on sedatives right now.” She reported. He couldn’t see Rudy. This was worse than before. Worse than he’d ever imagined. Rudy perceived him as a threat, as a hallucination from the illness. He couldn’t even see him.
…
Price went first. Apparently when that went well, other members of the 141 followed him in, while Alejandro was left by himself in the hallway.
“He's asleep.” Price said, directing his attention away from his bleeding nails. “They want everyone to stay out until he wakes up again to avoid another panic attack. Alejandro sighed, what else should he have expected?
He felt selfish for feeling so upset. He was here, believing he had the worst luck, while Rudy was busy surviving the hell of a mind starved? Of a mind sick? He was selfish for feeling upset that Rudy thought he was a hallucination. He was selfish for feeling jealous of the 141 who got to see him. He was selfish for thinking that he deserved to see Rudy.
Alejandro spent another restless night in the waiting area, his fitful sleep woken every hour by ambulance sirens and the hustle of patients being rushed into the ICU. He watched the sun rise through the blinds, traced its path as it rose higher, the early oranges and dark blue hues shifting to gentle aquas and baby blues. He counted the ticks of the clock a few feet away until he lost count, and then started again. His heart was tearing itself apart over Rudy. Rudy, who truly had believed he was going to die. Rudy, who almost had.
Around 8:45, a nurse called him back again. Lejandro shot up, rushing over and asking a thousand questions.
“Calmarse, señor.” Calm down, sir. She requested. “Él está muy frágil ahora.” He is very fragile now. Alejandro schooled his expression back to as normal as possible, and followed her.
“He was asking for you, right after waking up. That’s a good sign.” Alejandro nodded, following her as she pushed the door open.
“Hola, Ale.” He smiled. His voice was gravelly and hoarse, weak after disease and minimal use. “Miss me?” He asked through the oxygen mask. Alejandro’s tears rushed out before he could stop them, his lip trembling as he nodded. He slowly crossed and cupped Rudy’s cheeks, cherishing the pigment that had returned slightly.
“I’ve seen so many of you's… you don’t understand…” Rudy mumbled.
“I do.” Alejandro sobbed. “I listened to it. All of it.” Rudy’s heart rate skyrocketed as he tried to back out of Alejandro’s grasp.
“Ale… please… wait… we can talk… we don’t have to-“
“Te amo.” Alejandro sobbed. “Te amo, te amo, te amo.” He said, gripping the other man’s rough hands. His hands were dry and cracked, the skin in rough condition. He had some healing cuts on his hand, the skin callused and picked at. “Te amo.” I love you. He said, sobs loud enough to tear his chest open. He couldn’t say anything else. “Te amo… te amo…” he hiccuped, burying his face against Rudy’s thigh. “Te necesito.. te amo..” I need you. I love you.
“Alejandro…” Rudy sobbed, coughing. “Ale…”
Alejandro sat up, cupping Rudy’s cheek and pressing kisses into his temple.
“Te necesito… te necesito…” I need you. He sobbed. Rudy leaned into his embrace, his body shaking with sobs.
“Necesito oírte decirlo… por favor…” I need to hear you say it. Please. Alejandro begged him.
Rudy hiccuped. “Te amo.” He said quietly, punching a sob from Alejandro.
Alejandro hiccuped, kissing his temple again. “Estaba tan asustado… te amo.” I was so scared. I love you. Alejandro had never been good at admitting when he was scared. Even as kids, he wanted to be strong in Rudy’s eyes, he wanted to be fearless and unafraid. Rarely did he admit his fear to the other man.
“Estoy aquí.” I’m here. Rudy assured, raising his hand to cup Alejandro’s cheek. Alejandro’s lip trembled, but he didn’t dare break his gaze.
“Necesitas calmar, Ale.” You need to calm down, Ale. Rudy whispered. He really did need to calm down. Alejandro nodded, leaning into Rudy’s palm.
“I was scared I lost you, mi amor.” My love. He whispered gently.
“I held out.” Rudy said. “ I knew you were looking for me. It was hell, but I’d go through it all again for you.” Alejandro sniffled, smiling gently. He leaned in, pressing a kiss to Rudy’s forehead. Rudy whined, trying to pull away the oxygen mask.
“Rudy, no- Rudy, you can’t take that off.” Alejandro fussed, holding his wrists. Rudy whimpered, his eyes filling with tears.
“Is it uncomfortable? I can ask the nurses to adjust it…” Alejandro began, trying to check the fit.
“I just want to kiss you…” Rudy whined.
“Rudy…” Alejandro said softly, his tone betraying a hint of affection. “Not now. I promise, when you’re better, we’ll have time for that. I will kiss you as much as your heart desires, okay?” Rudy whined softly, but stopped trying to fight.
“I’m gonna need a lot of physical therapy, Ale. I’m going to struggle to walk.” Rudy mumbled, his voice breaking at the thought of his body, his previously strong self, needing help.
“I’ll be there, mi amor, I promise.” Alejandro said softly, tracing shapes against the blanket.
“Come here.” Rudy said after a beat of silence, shifting over. Slowly, Alejandro climbed into the hospital bed, unable to resist. He buried his nose in the crook of Rudy’s neck, inhaling deeply. He smelled of the sterile wipes they had cleaned him off with, not of the usual coconut shampoo that Alejandro had grown to know.
…
Rudy was discharged rather quickly, once they started to see real progress with his healing. He was on heavy antibiotics and was still lethargic and healing. He spent a lot of time in bed, and Alejandro doted over him as much as he could. He only left for as much time as was required at work, which wasn’t much. The others had taken to trying to do his work as much as they could, giving the colonel time with the sergeant major.
Every time, Alejandro would rush back, terrified of the worst, but Rudy would just smile at him, melting at the sight of him. Every night, Alejandro would hold him, listening as his breaths evened and slowed, his head tucked under Alejandro's chin.
When he had recovered from all of his illnesses, he was left needing physical therapy. Rudy didn't understand why. He had lived for 2 weeks with his injuries, but he could hardly walk.
Alejandro always brought him to the medical center, always picked him up. Rodolfo would unload his frustrations, release all of that toxicity and become Rudy again. Recovery was a long, painful road. Rudy had also lost so much weight while stranded, and it was difficult to get back. Somehow, it was difficult to force himself to eat more, despite having had to survive on very few rations, and eventually slowly starve.
“Por favor, amor. Solamente un poco más…” Please, my love. Just a little more. Alejandro begged sweetly. Rudy could hardly bring himself to eat anything.
“¡Estoy intentando!” I’m trying! Rudy snapped. He truly was trying. He wanted to make Alejandro happy. He wanted to get better for him. He wanted to kiss him, he didn’t know why Alejandro hadn’t yet, he promised to when Rudy was better. Maybe Rudy wasn’t better yet, which is why he needed to eat. He didn't know why he couldn’t bring himself to eat anything, he’d spent time dreaming of Alejandro's cooking while he was stranded. Now he could barely force himself to eat anything. He was hungry, his body weak after fighting off the toxins and trying to quell starvation. Why couldn’t he eat anything?
Rudy felt tears pour down his face as he sat at the small table. Sobs shook his body, but he just sat, trying to pretend as though he wasn’t crying. He was angry, he was frustrated, he was hungry and he was scared.
“Mi amor…" Alejandro began, crossing over to Rudy, cupping his cheeks with his hands. “No llores, por favor… se rompe mi corazón.” Please don’t cry, it breaks my heart. Alejandro's palms were warm, wiping Rudy’s tears with the pads of his thumbs. Rudy leaned into the other man’s embrace.
“No sé porque mi estómago no lo puede…” I don’t know why my stomach can't do it. He hiccuped, breaking his sentence with a sob.
“Es okay, mi amor. Fuiste famélico. Tu estómago no está acostumbrado a esto.” It’s okay, my love. You were starved. Your stomach is not used to this. He mumbled. “Haz lo que puedas.” Do what you can.
Rudy nodded softly, trying to calm himself down. Alejandro held him close, rubbing his back.
“Lo siento, Ale…” I’m sorry, Ale. Rudy sniffled.
“Oye, me miras. Don’t be sorry, Rudy. You are healing.” Hey, look at me. Alejandro said gently, leaning in to press a kiss to his forehead.
Rudy waited, waited for anything. Waited for more. Waited for something that never came.
Alejandro sat back, smiling at him encouragingly. Rudy’s face felt hot with anger and frustration.
“That’s it?” He asked, tears filling his eyes, making his vision swim. “You promised that once I was better you’d give me all the kisses I wanted.” He hiccuped. “You haven’t kissed me once. ¿Puedes besarme? ¿Por favor?” Can you kiss me? Please? He sobbed, wiping his eyes with his wrists. His body trembled, his head hurt.
“Rudy… mi amor...” Alejandro knelt down in front of him.
“Am I not better enough yet? Did you lie in the hospital about loving me…?” He hiccuped, shoulders shaking.
“No, no, mi amor. I promise. Te amo, siempre.” I love you, always. He promised. “I didn’t realize you were this upset, mi corazón.” My heart. He said, picking Rudy up and bringing him to the couch. Rudy sat on his lap, sobbing into his shoulder.
“P-please… I just want one…”
“I will kiss you, mi amor, puedo besarte. I promise. I need you to breathe, first. Cálmate, Rudy.” I can kiss you. Calm down, Rudy.
Rudy took deep, hiccuping breaths, trying to follow Alejandro. Before long, he cupped Alejandro’s cheek, moving to kiss him.
Alejandro held on tight, kissing the other man right away. He was skilled with his lips, and Rudy felt as if everything had been set right. He held on tightly, afraid that Alejandro would stop. The other man moved them to lie down on the couch, making out with their legs intertwined.
Rudy didn’t let him pull away. Every time Alejandro broke for air, Rudy sought more, kissing him until his lips were pink and aching. Reluctantly, he pulled away.
Alejandro didn’t stop there, peppering his face with kisses of adoration.
“Lo siento, mi amor. I didn’t realize how much it had been bothering you. I wanted to wait for you to start it, but I’m afraid I missed some cues.” I'm sorry, my love.
Rudy didn’t reply, placing another short kiss on his lips. His own lips ached, drawing a small groan when Alejandro traced his thumb over his lip. “Sore..?”
Rudy nodded, blushing softly.
“That’s okay, we’ll save the rest for later.” He promised, running his fingers through Rudy’s hair.
…
Slowly, Rudy began to recover. He started being able to walk well again, and was eating once more. Alejandro could finally rest easy again.
Until the infection.
A second infection set in months after being discharged from the hospital. Rudy’s ability to walk and eat began to go downhill again, and he often awoke with extreme pain in his leg, unable to be soothed. His leg had turned to a sickly sort of discolorment, stitches beginning to produce pus again.
Alejandro woke to sobs again. Rudy had an appointment the next day, but it was clear the infection was extremely painful. The antibiotics weren’t working, nothing was.
Alejandro turned the light on, moving to examine his leg. The sutures were oozing green pus again, his leg swollen and blistering. Even in the dim light, Alejandro could see the red streaks up his leg.
“Rudy, we need to go to the hospital, now.” Alejandro said, his lungs forgetting how to breathe. It was blood poisoning, unmistakably.
He called 911, helping Rudy sit up. By the time the paramedics arrived, Alejandro helped carry Rudy out to where he needed to go. He told them all of Rudy’s symptoms, watching as they loaded him into the back of the truck.
The hospital was in the next town over, and Alejandro rushed over as quickly as he could, on the phone with Price.
“Why are you calling me so late, Alejandro?” He barked.
“Rudy’s in bad shape.” He said quickly. “There’s another infection. We had an appointment for tomorrow but we woke up and saw blood poisoning-” Alejandro was beginning to panic.
“Where is he?” Price asked, his voice much more urgent and attentive.
“He’s in the ambulance. To the hospital.”
“Good. They’re probably giving him IV fluids and heavy antibiotics.” Price brought up. “If they can’t stop it in the hospital, they’ll likely need to amputate it, especially if the infection has been worsening.” Amputation…?
Alejandro was really panicking. They thought they were out of the woods, they thought things were getting better…
“Don’t panic, Hermano. I’ll get a flight down as soon as I can.”
“Por favor,” Please. Alejandro said quietly. He couldn't imagine handling this alone, especially in the case of an amputation.
Alejandro arrived at the hospital while Rudy received treatment, tests, scans, anything that would help them locate where the issue was.
Alejandro was allowed in the room 2 hours after he had arrived. He sat beside Rudy, holding the other man for a long time, before the doctor cleared her throat as she entered.
“It’s a bone infection.” The doctor said, sitting down. “It’s spreading quickly.” She sighed. Alejandro’s blood ran cold, Rudy’s face paled.
“I’ve discussed with others, the best option for survival would be to amputate. The infection is progressing fast and the blood infection shows that it’s resisting treatment.” She explained. “But that’s your decision.”
“Take it off.” He said quietly. “This leg has caused me so much trouble… take it off.” He said gently. Alejandro rubbed his back, in full support of his decision. He couldn’t lose Rudy. Not again.
They got Rudy ready for emergency surgery, his head spinning. Alejandro sat with him, holding him. Rudy sobbed, his mind racing with such a dramatic change so soon.
“It’ll be alright, mi amor. You are strong. It will be okay.” Alejandro promised, trying to convince himself even more. Rudy gazed solemnly at the leg that had given him so much trouble. He wouldn’t be able to fight anymore, he wouldn’t be Sergeant Major Rodolfo Parra. Just Rudy with one leg.
He was called in soon for surgery, wheeled into the operating room. Away from Alejandro. His leg hurt so bad, that was his last thought before going under.
…
Alejandro paced outside. Price had let the rest of the 141 know, and Alejandro had promised to update them when Rudy came out of surgery. He had received so many well wishes from a group so resilient and unemotional. If working with the 141 had taught Alejandro anything, it was that unemotional was in fact, an antonym for the group.
He paced for hours, unable to stop moving. Moving, moving, moving… itching, picking, biting, his skin was bleeding from his nervous fidgeting.
Moving… Rudy wouldn’t be able to walk for a long time. They would be thrown back into the early stages of recovery once again, just when they thought they were out of the woods. Just when everything started to become okay.
Blood poisoning was a terrifying thing. It could have killed Rudy silently if Alejandro wasn’t paying attention that night. That was what scared him, what if he hadn’t noticed something crucial?
He thought about prosthetics. Rudy wouldn’t be able to fight unless he got a prosthetic leg. He wouldn’t be able to walk without it either.
His strong leg would be gone.
…
Rudy was confused when he came off the anesthetic. It was dark outside, and he was in an unfamiliar bed, without his lover beside him. He looked over beside him, spotting Alejandro dozing in a plastic chair.
“Alejo,” he began, trying to wake him. “Alejandro.” He repeated, louder. Alejandro’s head snapped up, his eyes dilating as they focused on Rudy.
“Mi amor, how do you feel?”
“doloroso…? Que… ¿Por qué estoy en el hospital ahora?” Sore? What… Why am I in the hospital now? He asked in slurred Spanish. “¿Pensé que la cita no era hasta tarde?” I thought the appointment was not until the afternoon?
“Mi amor…” Alejandro hesitated, taking his hand. “Necesitabas una amputación de emergencia. Estuviste en quirófano durante horas, y durmiendo mucho tiempo.” You needed an emergency amputation. You were in the operating room for hours, and slept a long time. Alejandro explained.
“Mi pierna… amputada..?” My leg… amputated? Alejandro nodded, moving to pat the space where his leg should have been. He winced out of instinct, but Alejandro’s hand went all the way through to the bed. “Why did they amputate…?”
“Your bone was infected, you were getting blood poisoning.” Alejandro explained with a gentle voice. “Lo siento, mi amor. I know it was sudden.”
“No- no- but I- I can’t-“ Rudy’s breathing sped up, eyes blurring with tears, his loopy mind racing. “Our job-“
“I know, Rudy. No necesitamos preocuparnos ahora. Sólo quiero asegurarme de que estás bien..” Alejandro said quietly.
“But with… Sin mi pierna… I-“ Without my leg… tears rolled down his cheeks.
“Shh, mi amor, you have still got anesthetic in your head. You need to rest.” Alejandro said, holding his lover.
“But h-how do I not w-worry?”
“Just… just don’t think. All you need to think about is how you feel, what you feel, and rest.” Rudy nodded, paying attention to the feel of Alejandro holding him.
He drifted off back to sleep, dreaming of running.
…
Rudy sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes. Alejandro was asleep beside him, and he had to be careful not to wake him. He grabbed his crutches, his prosthetic elsewhere and impractical for a quick bathroom break. Using the restroom was more difficult without his leg, as he had to use his crutch in place of his other leg if he wanted to stand.
He flushed the toilet, grabbed his crutch to go wash his hand and wipe down his crutch handles with a disinfecting wipe, wanting to make sure his equipment remained hygienic. He returned to bed, sitting down at the foot of the bed, in front of the mirror. His leg had healed up significantly since his surgery two years earlier. His muscles had atrophied a bit more, but he was working on strengthening his thigh. He just… he still wasn’t used to it. He wasn't used to seeing himself with such a significant difference. He really struggled with his image in his head. He felt… less than. He felt less loveable because of it. Less strong. Simply less.
He looked tired, hadn’t slept well the night before and had a long day. He still had remnants of hickeys on his neck from a few nights before. He knew Alejandro loved him, so why did he still worry that it wasn’t true? That Alejandro would come to his senses and leave?
Alejandro always seemed to sense his thoughts, because he began to stir.
“Rudy?” He mumbled, sitting up and rubbing his eyes, broad chest on display. “¿Qué pasa, mi amor?” What’s up/wrong, my love? He asked, his tone slightly worried.
“No me siento hermoso.” I don’t feel handsome. He mumbled softly. “No me siento digno de ser amado.” I don’t feel loveable.
“Tontería.” Nonsense. Alejandro replied. “Eres muy hermoso. Mereces tanto amor. No entiendes cuanto te amo.” You are very handsome. You deserve so much love. You don’t understand how much I love you.
“¿Lo prometes?” Promise? Rudy asked nervously.
“Prometo.” Promise. Alejandro assured. “Te amo. Siempre.” I love you, always. Rudy leaned against Alejandro, relaxing as he felt his arm drape over his shoulders.
“¿Te duele tu pierna?” Does your leg hurt?
“No ahora. Necesité usar el baño.” Not now. I needed to use the bathroom. He hummed. “Entonces comencé a mirar fijamente.” And then I began to stare.
“No te mires con odio, mira con amor, Rudy. Eres fuerte, inteligente, y corajudo. Eres un luchador. Eres dulce y hermoso, y eres el amor de mi vida. ¿Entiendes?” Don’t look with hate, look with love, Rudy. You are strong, smart, and brave. You are a fighter. You are sweet and handsome, and you are the love of my life. Do you understand? Rudy nodded, his lip trembling with how heavy the words were. They were heavy in a way that felt new every single time he felt it, as if his ears weren’t used to the sound of love, his chest not used to the weight of being treasured.
Alejandro moved his hair out of his face, then moved to pull Rudy’s stump into his lap. It had a big purple scar from the incision, unfortunately, the surgeons hadn’t been able to save his knee. If they did, they risked the infection spreading even more. It made acclimating a whole lot more difficult. Rudy didn’t even know how important the knee was for mobility. Months of physical therapy taught him quickly.
Alejandro’s hands were gentle, holding his stump with care. His finger traced along the scar, humming gently.
“Wow.” He mumbled softly. “You are the strongest man I know. ¿Entiendes?” Understand?
“No, no completamente. Pero cuando dices eso, entiendo un poco más.” No, not fully. But when you say that, I understand a little more.
“Nunca dejaré de decírtelo.” I will never stop telling you. Alejandro promised. Rudy couldn’t resist the smile that broke out on his face, leaning in to press a kiss to Alejandro’s lips.
“Estoy cansado, ahora. Gracias, mi amor.” I’m tired now. Thank you, my love. Rudy yawned. Alejandro nodded in agreement, laying beside Rudy and pulling him close to his chest.
“Te amo, mi vida.” I love you, my life. Alejandro hummed.
“Te amo, mi Alejo.” I love you, my Alejo. Rudy replied.
…
Alejandro had wanted to take Rudy out for a date in a nice restaurant. Rudy was excited to get all dressed up and go with his lover, but his pants just weren’t working with the prosthetic. He sat on the bed in his button up, tie, and underwear, anxious.
“Rudy?” Alejandro came in. “¿Qué pasa?”
“I can’t put these on with my prosthetic.” Rudy said, discouraged. “Too rigid.” Alejandro thought for a moment, before leaving quickly and returning with the small sewing kit Rudy had gotten from his abuela.
Alejandro pulled out the scissors and made a small mark, cutting across the slacks.
“Alejo- what are you doing?” Rudy asked, shocked. Alejandro held them out for Rudy to put on, along with his prosthetic. He motioned for the man to stand, then pinned the bottom so they would still look nice.
“Better?” Alejandro asked. Rudy smiled at Alejandro. The other man always just wanted to help him.
The restaurant was truly nice, but Rudy didn’t spend much time looking anywhere other than Alejandro. The meal was fantastic, it truly was, but Alejandro looked like he was trying to keep something.
“Alejo, you look like a child with a secret.” He laughed softly.
“I can’t keep anything from you.” Alejandro giggled, cheeks turning pink. Rudy smiled, wondering what Alejandro had been trying to hide.
He got his answer when Alejandro slid a small red box across the table, popping it open to reveal a seek gold ring.
“Rudy, eres el amor de mi vida, siempre. Estaré enamorado de ti por siempre. Quiero chicos contigo, quiero envejecer contigo, todo. Has pasado por mucho y eres el hombre más increíble que conozco. ¿Quieres casarte conmigo?” Rudy, you are the love of my life, always. I will be in love with you forever. I want kids with you, I want to grow old with you, everything. You have been through so much, and you are the most amazing man I know. Will you marry me? Alejandro asked, a big smile decorating his face.
“Sí.” Rudy grinned, unable to stop the tears. He truly had been through so much, but he had Alejandro. “Te amo, Alejo.” He said with a choked voice. He held his hand out for Alejandro, letting the other man slide the ring around his finger. The weight was foreign, but welcome.
He adored Alejandro, and knew the other man adored him too. He had trauma from having to survive in the wilderness, infected and starving, but he had to admit, it brought him and Alejandro together. He was so thankful he had survived, and every morning, he was thankful for the privilege of being able to see Alejandro each day.
And soon, he’d have the privilege of being his husband. Oh, qué suerte tuvo.