Work Text:
ALL IS WRITTEN IN YAMAGUCHI'S POV
perspective (n) :
a particular attitude toward or a way of regarding something; a point of view.
Part 1: The Universe Finally Listened to Me
Another slice goes past the blue line on my wrist. It responds to me like usual. A small wince comes out of my mouth. The bloody liquid starts flowing down my wrist, making a small circle around it. It's painful, but I can't stop.
My serves were so bad that day, none of them landed in, no one cares about me anymore, I'm never good enough for anyone.
Not even myself.
The blood surrounds the floor tiles of the gymnasium bathroom. The tissues were barely just enough to get rid of everything. Some tissues were mixed with tears.
I quickly bandage it up. The short uniform sleeve didn't cover my wrist at all, so I chose a skin matching bandage. Taller people won't notice.
But then Tsukki won't notice…
I'll just try it.
If I go out of this bathroom a second too late, it will look like I didn't just go to the toilet. Mmm…
The stall door, then the bathroom door clicks open loudly. Everyone flicks their slightly curious gaze to me and instantly focuses on practice again.
I hear someone call me.
"Yamaguchi,"
"..yea Tsukki?"
Oh. He noticed. What should I say now. Thought bubbles filled my head on what I should say. You noticed? No that's awkward, and he might've been going for a different topic. Do I just move closer to him? No what! We're just close friends. Not that kinda stuff.
I was going through more thoughts when one got poked and more got popped. Tsukki was ruffling my hair.
TSUKKI WAS RUFFLING MY HAIR??
Okay I know we're just close friends, but I have to admit. I like him more than a close friend.
My face was shocked. I could barely control it. I felt my face getting red, I swear. Then the pain came back.
All that.. was a dream?
No. I looked down. Tsukki was holding my wrist directly opposite of the bandage, fingers grazing around half the bandage.
He really did notice. How? But that's not a bad thing so…
"I hope you get better quickly. You should get better quickly."
Tsukki really just said that. He noticed. He noticed it. Someone actually cares for me. No way.
"T- Thank you Tsukki!"
I instantly smile and giggle silently with my eyes closed as he walks away. That's some motivation to improve my serves and reduce my.. self harm.
I sat on the bleachers and daydreamed a bit. I lost all my feelings of pain, exhaustion, and sweatiness. Just Tsukki that I can think of. Oh Tsukki.. You're so perfect and you just had to be the one to see me in this state when nobody else did. T- That's not a bad thing though.
The final whistle sounded and I quickly snapped back to reality. My teeth gritted. Me and Tsukki were just about to kiss. In my imagination at least. It felt real. Ooooohhhhh my days.
I felt goosebumps run past every single bit of my skin when Tsukki walked next to me to the rest of the team and coach. I kept on staring at him. His distance from me wasn't as close as how people would normally be with you when you're walking together, but I'll take it as if he was warming up to me. Love it.
I sat down and I don't think I even got a single message from whatever Coach said. All I focused on was how Tsukki constantly fixed his glasses and leaned back, hands holding him up firmly. It was hot. Very hot.
"Okay, that's it for today, team. You can go home now, and don't take the extra practice time for too long. Rest is import-"
"Yeah yeah, we get it", Hinata cuts Coach Ukai.
"Well, alright then. Go ahead guys!"
I stood up and waited for Tsukki to finish packing up. A few minutes later, Tsukki walked out the door. I chased after him and arrived next to him, walking at the same exact pace.
"TSUKKI!"
"..hm?"
"Nothing, I- I just wanted to walk with you."
A small giggle escaped from me. I think it came from the very bottom of my brain with no warning. Like it was an instinct to escape the awkwardness.
Tsukki didn't respond. I don't really care, his face was enough to send me tons of voices.
We kept on walking. And walking. Until Tsukki's voice broke the silence.
Tsukki looked hesitant though. Like he was trying to say something but changed the topic last second. I didn't mind it. Or cared about it. Holy hottie bro !!!
"Yamaguchi. Please get better tomorrow, or we might not do well at nationals. I care about you, okay."
Yeah, he foshooo knows about my wrist. Wrists. Also shoulders.
"Okay Tsukki!"
Tsukki didn't really respond or say anything for that matter. But it's fine. For my usual reason. Wink wink.
We arrive at the intersection where we have to part to go home. I turn my own way and look back at Tsukki. He looks fine in every angle.
"Bye Tsukki!!"
I'm pretty sure he said bye back. He just doesn't like saying things out loud. I'm probably just feeding my own delusion right now but I feel it in the aaaiiiirr~~
I forgot I had a blade in my bag, to be honest. Oh Tsukki…
The walk home felt quiet. I didn't really like it. I think that's the reason I just remembered about the blade in my bag.
Tsukki please text me at home…
Part 2 : Delusions I
I tucked myself inside my blanket, already reaching out for my phone. Desperately. My fingers just move on instinct.
::@Tsukishimakei_ on instagram
Ouuu damn since when did he post so much. And why do his pictures look so good? That's shocking coming from some nonchalant looking guy. I think he trained himself.
Still no text which is unfortunate but this, this is great.
I think I bit the skin below my lips too hard while scrolling through his pictures. I felt my toes curl until my feet joints hurt.
I can't believe this guy is talking to me. In a shocking way. How did someone this hot strike up something with me??
I can't handle this. I'm so red in the face. Should I just text him?
No, I'm too scared. Next time.
I walked to the counter and pressed some stuff. A whirr came from my portable printer. Ooohhh yes.
One of Tsukki's pictures was now on my wall and this might just be his hottest one. Am I gonna be able to sleep? Maybe not. Is it worth it? Hell yes.
I hopped back in bed and started giggling at the picture on my wall, above my bedside table. I kept on staring. And staring. And staring. And I can't stop.
The blanket rustled as I tossed and turned, occasionally staring at the picture of Tsukki. The walk home with him just had to last that long, didn't it. Wow, okay.
"Hhf… This isn't gonna work."
I closed my eyes.. and went to a different place.
My imagination.
You know what's the number 1 best method when you can't sleep?
Fantasizing.
Yeah, this is my 2nd time today, but it doesn't matter. He looks more attractive than usual in my dreams. I think he got a bit more muscular here. Not just stick-y. But it doesn't matter, if it's Tsukki then it's Tsukki.
I ran to him and hugged him around the neck, looking up at him.
What a sight.
I felt–,or at least imagined the feeling of,– arms wrapping around my waist. This is perfect. Just us at the sunrise, visible from the nearby park. I could get used to this, for your information Tsukki.
I woke up late and rushed to the shower.
I don't know if I have time for breakfast.
I don't know how I'm gonna run to school.
I don't know when it happened but I drifted to sleep. It just disappeared and I only realized it by late in the morning. Why do we even feel nothing when we sleep, and why is it so hard to get our brain into sleep? What even is sleep. I know it's some process where your body repairs but what do you need to do to activate it?
..Shower thoughts, jeez. Also includes Tsukki.
Like last time, the final thing I remember in that midnight fiction was him about to kiss me. Again?? Is he still too far to reach in the imagination world? Gosh. Next time, if I make us kiss quicker then I would fall asleep wouldn't I. Gosh.
I step out of the shower, hair drenched. I think my hair will dry enough on the run to the gymnasium for weekend practice.
If I'm lucky enough, Tsukki will help me pat my hair dry. Hehehe..he..
I dried my hair as fast as I could with a towel until it was only damp and ran to the gymnasium. I have a feeling my jump float serve will be better today.
You know what, that was my first morning in a while where I didn't think about suicide and cutting.. and instead focused on something else. That's surprising.
I ran to the intersection, waiting to see a glimpse of yellow hair. Then something struck me just a little bit too hard.
Running thoughts?
Tsukki didn't text me last night. Why wouldn't he text me if he likes me?
Mm.. I think it's first-time to love stuff. Hey, I didn't text Tsukki either. I have no right to be mad at him.
I reached the intersection, panting with my earphone wires dangling. My bag is weighing me down, I swear. I bring two different types of earphones. One wired for the walk to the gym and home, and one wireless for practice. It makes sense to me.
If weird things like that make sense to me, I shouldn't be trying to make sense of things Tsukki is doing. That's irrational.
I see a skinny and a bit muscular, VERY tall guy with yellow hair, headphones, jacket, and ooooohhhh my days the face card.
I run faster. Faster. A lot faster than I normally could. I squeak internally, my face already feeling hot. I think my hair is already starting to get wet again, but it's worth it.
"TSUKKI!!"
He turned a bit. Then more.
"Oh, Yamaguchi. Hi."
Hi?
Just..
Hi?
Okay, following what I said earlier, I shouldn't be trying to do that stuff. Plus, he's a nonchalant guy. Muehehehe
He walks forward, a smile forming on his face. I stare from the side. The smile looks weird. And blurry. And faded. Greenscreened?
Oh it disappeared.
It's like my brain is playing tricks on me. Is it because of how much blood I lost? Eventually it will be restored, right? Okay then.
Nevermind, I'll face forward and walk next to him. The height difference is really cute though. Eeeek!
We arrived at practice eventually. Tsukki opened the door and he held the door open for a split second before letting go. I swear, I'm not hallucinating this time. I think the blood is back in my brain. I shuffled in the gym, cheeks already hot pink. I sat next to Tsukki, a little bit closer than usual. I hope he notices.
The whistle sounded and I matched his speed of standing up. Not to flex, but I'm very positive he tried to match mine too. That's why he hesitated a little bit to stand up. Because of losing that amount of blood, I think hallucinating gave me some training on being observant. My eyes are just like that, you know.
I think he sat a little bit straighter during the team briefing. Is it because I sat next to him? Imagine that.
Part 2.5: Delusions II
It was my turn to jump float for practice. I felt less nervous today. Like I had something else on my mind as a reset signal.
It had blonde hair, glasses, and a skinny but muscular figure.
I tossed the ball up. It looked better with no spin at all. It felt as if.. someone I knew was holding my hand. But that was probably in my head. But it didn't matter, it helped. The hit was perfect. It went to the corner of the court after curving. Even Nishinoya couldn't receive it.
"Yes!"
My head turned toward Tsukki, who was emotionlessly watching. He had his arms crossed, leaning on something. He was staring at something, looking a bit low. Is it the bandage on my hand that had been taken off?
"Nice one, Yamaguchi. Keep improving. Don't stop the streak."
I'm telling you, he knows about my condition. It's been a day and a half streak of no self harm since my last slice.
"THANK YOU TSUKKI!"
My serves continuously got better throughout the day, the more I stared at Tsukki and the more the pain on my wrists and shoulders lessened.
Tsukki did better too. Actually I'm not sure about that one, I think he's always good. In that case, the rest of the delusions that I had weren't delusions. They were real. My eyes just aren't communicating to my brain so properly. I mean.. the other way around. Wait what? I'm confused now. Nevermind that.
After practice ended, coach Ukai also commented on how my serves improved drastically. He didn't comment much on Tsukki. He has very high expectations for Tsukki so..
Tsukki held my hand the exact same way. Fingers slightly grazing the area where my bandage was. Tsukki moved his fingers a bit. It looked like he was looking for the rough texture from last time. He looked at me with a proud smile.
"Good job, Yamaguchi. We'll make it to nationals at this rate."
Booooyaaaah.
Part 3: Buildup of Dust
I walked home with him again. He looked somewhat neutral. But it's fine, he gave me enough..
affection
at practice already. Teehee. I already had every single scenario possible thought out in my head for what would happen once I confess to him tonight. He would reply something like, "I know, love". The thought of it is making me go crazy right now. But I can't squeal like that right next to him. He's going to text me first if I do that. But isn't that a good thing? I'll do that then.
I squeal, like one that has failed to be hidden. It sounded like a quieter "Eeeek!!". Tsukki heard it, clearly. He stared at me in confusion. I was giggling in love. I think Tsukki just snickered at me.. or scoffed.. so I put down the act. Gradually, so I don't look weird.
"...What are you laughing at. Focus on your serves."
"Okay- Okay, jeez sweetheart."
"Sweetheart?"
Tsukki looked like he was hiding an "Ew.." or "What do you mean-"
"What do you mean by sweetheart?"
"What?
"..."
"Uh.. the volleyball team is behind us right now. I'll text you later at home."
The last line from me sounded like a whisper. I think I reduced my chances of making a successful confession by a bit. Now this… This is something I have to focus on. Tsukki.
We reached the usual intersection and I whispered a "bye". It had tons of emotion to it though, like it was completely said with love. It was so shaky in the wind, like I struggled it out but was proud of it-
"Shh"
A quiet whisper shushing me came from Kageyama. He knew what I was thinking.
Already?
I think he just wanted me to be normal nearby Tsukki for once. That makes sense.
Okay stop making sense out of things.. Yams..
The door clicked once I pushed it, no parents in sight. All the rooms were already closed except for mine. I entered it and closed my own door. Yes.
The picture of Tsukki greeted me. Quickly, I changed into more comfortable clothes–aka my shorts and comically oversized thin shirt. I plopped onto my bed, the picture of Tsukki giving me reminders on what I was gonna do.
Text.
I pulled my phone out of my bag and my fingers effortlessly swirled to Tsukki's contacts. I clicked on it, and the keyboard appeared.
::Tsukki Hubby 😘
18:09 Yamaguchi: Hey, Tsukki. Thank you so much for helping me stop cutting myself. It has helped me a lot. My serves have improved because of you. I get to focus on something else rather than slicing myself.
18:10 Yamaguchi: And yes, I love you too, Tsukki sweetheart.
That was the most confident I felt in texting someone something related to my own lovelife. Tsukki didn't respond, the message still showing one singular grey checkmark. His phone probably died, he's the type to charge his headphones and earphones rather than his phone.
While waiting, I'm going to admire the printed picture of Tsukki again. Every single detail.
It has Tsukki, in the summer, leaning against a stone pillar at the beach. The stone pillar was just stair decor, for your information. Tsukki was wearing these yellow to orange gradient shorts, with white strands hanging loose from the top of the shorts. His shirt? No more like he's shirtless. His body is glowing in the sun, abs defined. It's beautiful. You can see the sunset from the corner of the picture, very vibrant. The hand in front was inside his pocket, while the other hand was adjusting his glasses. It was more of a candid photo, where he was staring at the beach which wasn't really in the frame, but it doesn't matter. You can see every single drip of sweat on his abs, on his gorgeous blonde hair that lost its spikes in this moment. On his veiny arms. On his biceps. The knee behind was bent while leaning on the wall. Every single detail–in that photo–made him look hotter.
I think my brain exploded. It feels a bit burnt. It kept on getting hotter, and hotter. Like Tsukki!
My phone also kept on getting hotter and hotter. I left it on with countless background apps. I quickly went to close it, and lower the brightness but I scrolled to notifications instead and saw multiple messages from Tsukki. I was a few minutes late. Let me read..
::Tsukki Hubby 😘
18:17 Tsukishima: Yamaguchi, what is this?
18:17 Tsukishima: Cutting? Sweetheart?
18:19 Tsukishima: Huh? I just wanted to push you into making your serves better. Coach Ukai told me that you like these things so I just gave in to make you improve faster.
18:19 Tsukishima: What do you mean by that last message? We're just.. friends. Chillax.
18:20 Tsukishima: I don't really care about your self harm stuff. I literally just knew. Plus your serves were terrible so I had to push you somehow.
18:21 Tsukishima: We're not even friends. Just acquaintances. Weirdo. But your serves are better now, we should be able to do well in the Nationals. Nice Yamaguchi.
…
Acquaintances?
I thought we were lovers.
Or close friends at least.
:: Tsukishima Kei
18:29 Yamaguchi: Tsukishima. You're literally the only reason my cutting stopped. That's the only reason my serves got better. That's the only reason I look happier at practice. And this is what you say to me? Weren't we close friends? You ruffled my hair and held my wrist. Can't back off now. Tsukishima.
18:32 Tsukishima: …That means it helped improve your serves? Idk what to say. Coach Ukai just told me to do that stuff. I don't like repeating myself.
18:33 Tsukishima: And we were never close friends.
18:34 Yamaguchi: Can't believe you.
18:34 Tsukishima: Ok
I shut off my phone. Fast. You're kidding. The only thing I managed to replace my focus of cutting myself with.. is gone. What else do I focus on now?
I feel my eyes burn from the back of them. Tears spill out in almost an instant. I'm sitting on my bed, leaning against the corner of my room. Crying into my knees.
My entire body felt overwhelmed. I can't believe I was.. lied to? I can't believe my body lied to.. me.
My chest was getting heavier and heavier. What was I supposed to do at practice tomorrow?
My crying lessened. But in a bad way. My brain forcefully but gently turned my head to the left. My bag.
It forced my arm to dig through the items in there. I felt all my stuff. Then, one item hit.
The blade.
I clenched it with all my might, leaving lines on my fingers. Bleeding. Then the crying came back.
"...T- Tsukki.."
I slowly pulled the blade out of the bag. It came into view. I felt so many memories get thrown out into view from the crevices of my mind. I grasped the blade with my left hand. And made cut.. by cut.. along the palm of my right hand. The blood spilled out. It felt like.. I lost every single memory with Tsukki from the past…
I don't even remember how many days I lasted without cutting. I hate this.
My right hand was in complete pain. It hurt so bad. But it was comforting, it helped me forget about Tsukki's.. messages.
My left hand had small bloody lines from gripping the blade really tightly. My hands are shaking like hell now.
I let out small winces. They play loudly in my ear.
Going to the bathroom, sobbing, I used all my strength to open the cabinets. They actually require some strength to open, it's not just a drag. I get thick paper tissues to wipe all the blood off. The tissues looked more hurt than my hands.
After it's all dry, I wrap it quickly with white cloth. My hand looks so off. It's shaking, and blood is brown-orangeish on the cloth.
It felt.. different. Like it was less fulfilling than usual. I was completely in pain this time. Tears spilled out again.
…I'll push through another day.
Part 4 : I Also See You Differently.
Next morning. My hands still hurt. My bedsheet had some blood on it. The brownish-orange splotches on the cloth around my hand became slightly browner.
"...I need to get a new cloth."
I weakly walked to the bathroom. The cloth around my hand was slowly unwrapped. The splotch got larger and larger, when
"AGH! FRICK."
The cloth ripped off the dry blood. The blood on my hands spilled out again.
"..W- Wrong kind of cloth…h…"
I quickly opened the drawers with my left hand to find the cloth that I was supposed to use. I wrapped the cloth around my hand fast. The red was showing but I didn't really care. I just wanted..
Not Tsukishima..
I just wanted this day to be over. But it's still morning.
I picked up my backpack after eating two or three chips. My right hand stung in pain. The kind that wasn't actually fulfilling.
Walking to school felt like a horror movie.
"Please don't meet Tsukishima.. Please don't meet Tsukishima…"
There he was. Walking. With Hinata. Thankfully he was far in front of me. I had to hide behind bushes every once in a while since Hinata kept on looking back. I stumbled on one of the attempts, but they didn't notice.
I thought school was gonna be bad. No, it was far worse than bad.
My hands were trembling like crazy. I couldn't even write. No one tried to infer anything from the bandage around my hand, and I don't know if I should be grateful or not for that.
I survived the day alone. I had nobody to play volleyball with during recess. Kageyama ignored me, Hinata was eating, the third years had something to do with school, and.. Tsukishima..
it's obvious.
School finally ended.
Oh.
My.
Gosh.
I hated that day so much. And..
There was still practice.
I went to the gymnasium, still walking like I've just been hit by a car. To put it metaphorically, I got hit by a wave of shock and emotions and it's limiting my abilities by a lot.
I went through the door as quietly as I could, rushing to the bleachers. I sat at my usual spot. That was a stupid idea. Tsukishima sat two rows above and behind me.
I had to inhale a bit of air after that.
I couldn't do my jump float. At all. It hurt for my hands to hit the ball. I couldn't even set the ball.
The only thing I could do was pass. And my passes were also terrible. I just.. couldn't shake off the pain. Both pains.
I watched Tsukishima, laughing with other people.
He never laughs with other people.
Other than me.
Some of the volleyballs were stained with the blood oozing out of my cloth from the ball hitting my hand repeatedly.
The final whistle rang, and coach Ukai commented on my serves. They weren't even comments. More like disapprovals.
Instead, he commented on Tsukki. He said that Tsukki got so much better. Better in both volleyball and… emotion?
Am I that much of a burden?
Am I,
Tsukki?
…
Those two minutes felt like I was being impaled directly in the chest. And I wasn't allowed to move or speak.
The sword finally got pulled out after a bit. I coughed.
"Hey, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, you two have cleaning duty today. That's alright with you?"
Daichi's voice sounded from afar.
Tsukishima reluctantly nodded. My head didn't move a single bit. I just looked down.
"...mkay." Daichi muttered. I could hear it.
Cleaning duty was even worse. It was so quiet. I could hear my intestines moving. I could feel things sliding around my stomach.
I mopped the floor together with him. This.. was not a new feeling to me. I've always been lonely.
Untying the net was torturing. It looked like tramwork.
Partner-work.
"..."
Should I call him Tsukishima or Tsukki?
"..Tsukki.."
He barely took a glance at me.
🎵Play Promise by Laufey here🎵
"T- Tsukki please.. I thought we were best friends. Please don't leave me like this."
"Yamaguchi, you're just making my life feel different in the worst way possible. You're just making my effort to stay cool, even heavier. Can you stop?"
"...
But you'll text me later.. right?"
"No. I need a break from you. A very long break. You always become like a clingy bee once someone acts even a bit 'lovey dovey' to you. I don't even know why I followed coach Ukai's advice. Me and him just wanted your serves to get better, useless freak."
"I.."
My eyes welled up with tears.
"...Okay."
I walked out early and left him to put the equipment away after I already unanchored everything.
I didn't shut the door. I just walked. On that hazy night.
Everything was foggy and dark. Signs didn't appear until I got close to them.
Yeah, the signs didn't appear until I got close to them. Or at least.. in my vision.
A few sniffles escaped as I continued walking. I put my left hand inside my bag.
"I can't believe nobody asked about my right hand… it must be that damn Kei's fault."
I muttered as tears and sniffles escaped.
My left hand gripped on the blade tight. I know I was still on the sidewalk, but it was foggy. Nobody would see me.
Blood leaked from the bottom of my bag as I tripped on air and sat down on the side of the street.
"H- Hf.. Tsukishima is gonna pass by…"
I scoot a bit more on the hill nearby the sidewalk, completely relying on the fog to cover for me. The grass looked a bit bloody as my hands pushed against it. The dirt dug into the open lines on my left hand, it hurt bad bad.
I grabbed the blade again. With my right. And fiercely cut. I continuously stabbed my hand, and slid the blade across. Repeatedly. I could feel my flesh being torn apart, occasionally scratching other parts of my body deeper inside.
A loud wince and cry came out each time I sliced. The entire blade and grass around me was covered in blood.
I finished cutting everything, hand unable to be controlled at all. But it felt different, like..
It wasn't fulfilling.
"Hhf.. are you kidding m- me.."
I opened my bag with my right hand. I shut my eyes and grunted loudly in pain, from the cuts that appeared from gripping the blade too tight.
I turned on my phone, blood leaking on the screen.
::18:48
Still 6 pm..?
The blood covered the numbers.
I put the blade down on the ground. I slammed it into the grass. It left another cut on my finger when I stuck it in the ground.
"I.. need to stop.."
I grunted with all my might to stand up. I walked home, blood dripping from my fingers.
Footsteps.
Footsteps, and footsteps.
Two?
I looked behind me to see nobody, but I knew there was someone behind the fog.
His outline was tall, skinny, and he had headphones around his neck.
They stopped in their tracks and I just continued walking.
After a few winces, tears, and blood oozing, I limped my way home, vision twisted up.
I clicked open the door. As quietly as I could. Thankfully, my parents were already in their room. They expected me to come late after seeing the picture of Tsukishima in my room, I bet.
Stepping into my room, I realized that I left the blade outside. My brain is too dizzy for this.
That's why the person stopped walking.
"Hhf.."
I stepped outside my room. No bit of cutting satisfies me anymore. I opened the drawer of the kitchen.
A few silent clinks later, I shut my room door, holding a knife.
I sat down on my bed, and shut the blinds. I looked at the picture of Tsukishima above my bedside table.
"...I.. I see you very differently. Tsuk-
Tsukki."
I shoved the knife into my eye, letting out a piercing scream. I felt the tip of the knife dig into my eyeball, blood oozing out from the cut on my eyelid and upper cheek.
I shoved the knife as far as I could. I felt it in the middle of my head, with a crazy pain.
"TADASHI! OPEN THE DOOR"
I locked the door already. Thanks, mum.
I tried to cry but my eyelids pressed upon the knife, and my eyeballs got cut further while I tried to shut my eye. A tear came out together with blood and whatever was supposed to come out my eye.
My door banged furiously. I could hear my mum pleading with apologies and asking what she's done wrong. She's done nothing wrong, don't worry, mum.
With all the pain and strength I had left, I twisted the knife and the pain hurt like crazy.
But for the first time in a while..
It was fulfilling.
The blood spilled out on my bedsheets as my body went limp. I don't know what happened. My vision went black, and I lost the ability to feel. Then my mind was gone. It was, nothing.
I can't see you anymore Tsukki. It was better than seeing you differently.
Like Laufey said, "It hurts to be something, it's worse to be nothing with you."
🎵Let the music play🎵
Epilogue : Just The Wind Passing By
WRITTEN IN 3RD PERSON POV
Yamaguchi's funeral had passed by. His parents had cried for a while, and they're not over it yet. But the most important part..
the team.
Everyone took a moment of silence for Yamaguchi at the next practice. Tsukishima looked like he was holding in his laugh, but forcing himself to join in the silence.
Practice went like usual. Except for one thing. Coach Ukai looked like he was missing something. His pinch server. And everyone was doing just a little bit worse than usual.
But Tsukishima.. looked like he was doing just a little bit better.
As a matter of fact, Tsukishima filled in the emptiness in coach Ukai's mind.
His death was just a sharp piece of dust passing by, that entered your eye. It stings for a bit, but you easily remove it. It'll leave that itch for a while, but you'll never remember about it the next day.
He wasn't that important. Maybe to his parents. But not to the majority of the people who appeared in his life.
He's just there. And he's only noticed when he does something cool, or when they really need him.
It's like that one saying of any deity. People only come to them when they need help. Never when they don't.
So they stop helping, until people realize.
But why was Yamaguchi so brave to end it all?
Because it's obvious that nobody will realize it.
He's just a..
'useless freak'
you can say.
Only the wind passes by his tomb and sometimes the fingernails of his parents.
Dry leaves scrape by.
Even the dirt is tired of holding him.
And, this…
is the most attention…
that he had ever received…
apart from Tsukishima…
who looked like he saw Yamaguchi differently.