Archive of Our Own

Vanishing Twin Syndrome

Also known as ‘Twin Resorption’. 

:This occurs when a twin or multiple disappears in the uterus during pregnancy as a result of a miscarriage of one twin or multiple. The fetal tissue is absorbed by the other twin, multiple, placenta or the mother. This gives the appearance of a “vanishing twin”.

If they were properly born in a womb, by an unnamed provider or— worse— an unlabelled test subject, perhaps they would have known who came out first. But parentage had no bearing in their lives, all that mattered was who was eldest. That would dictate which of them was the guide, the shepherd among clinical white walls, the one their seygein would entrust the duty to. 

So they didn’t know who came first. Facilitated from the same eggs, in the same vial, then crawling around with the only other human being reflected in glass. Mirrors of one another. Indistinguishable. They cried the same, fed the same, slept the same. They were one, absorbed and vanished into a single thing. They didn’t know how to stop holding hands. 

Their seyegin did not care to tell them, let alone see them: if not by their secondary hands performed by their lab assistants. It was the closest thing they got to tutelage; before it was declared. 

Hyunwoo. Hyuna. The younger brother. The elder sister. Born of the same cell. Inferior and superior. 

You will rule the stage.

The siblings nodded along, barely able to let the words sink in. Hyuna, trying to piece the foggy memory together, thinks that’s the first time Phan spoke directly to them, even if behind a speaker. She would hear their voice secondhand from online recordings and lab reports, later in the Anakt Garden. 

God finally gave them their roles: the shepherd chosen with the childish sheep. It was those sermons that the assistants passed to them, as part of Phan’s psychological regimen. Pharmaceuticals and engineering can only go so far, the assistants insisted on giving these old texts— the godly Anakt Phan manufactured for them, in a manifesto easily remembered. 

Immediately, upon listening, she felt her mind wise up, curl into a sharp consciousness. They were truly separate beings, her and her brother. One cell is cut into two. From then on, she took notice. On how they were always cold, barefoot in the trial room, where she tied her blanket to her brother’s ankles- as if mocking socks. Or how the lab assistants let her hair grow out, reaching her shoulders like past female pets did, while Hyunwoo sobbed at the fact he wasn’t allowed to wear the same length. Hyuna soothed her brother, saying they were still matching with barcodes shared on their feet. 

Hyuna focused on making sure Hyunwoo lived first. So when Hyunwoo smiled, it brought her to smile too. Hyuna had to learn to walk first, babble syllables first, be applauded lightly by the assistant before they plunged her into the tube— all first. Then Hyunwoo could trace her guided steps after. 

Hyuna was the eldest. She strived for such, addicted to the feelings it gave her when Hyunwoo followed, came over and hugged her for the first time. 

“I’ll always follow you!” Hyunwoo held her hand tight, as they always did when they were an immeasurable one at birth. 

“You’ll have to chase me!” Hyuna nudged and giggled back at her brother. 

By then, Phan remembered the objectives behind them again. They finally signed the contract that sealed their fates: ANAKT GARDEN Educational Program, accelerated into the ALIEN STAGE CHAMPIONSHIP.

One signature and the siblings left the laboratory. 

The mirrored pair entered the garden; Hyuna knew she was joining among the many other sheep. Large eyes, tiny bodies, other pets who pointed out their similarities. 

“Which one is the girl? The boy?” 

“Why is your hair long and that one is short?” 

“We are siblings,” Hyuna replied first, extending the path once again. The children around them smiled and understood, nodding as Hyunwoo did. 

Hyuna, the shepherd, did her duty. 

“I don’t like it…”

Hyuna stilled, her hands still half-picking at the grass below them. It was an attempt to thread them together into a crown. 

“Like what?” She insisted onwards, even when her brother sulked away. 

“…You’re always helping the other kids. They even give you their food…I don’t..” Her brother kicked at his feet. Displeasure, irritation, jealousy? She worded the feelings together. 

She crept in, sneakily, before shoving the crown onto his head. As Hyunwoo scrabbled, she grabbed him, tossing them both onto the grass— until they both were giggling. 

“You’re still my only brother! Why, you think noona is gonna take another kid along with you?” 

“No! You wouldn’t! Stop that- I can’t breathe!” He wheezed, his expression finally open. In relief, Hyuna let go, watching her brother sit up, shoulders unwound. “It's just annoying…” 

At that confession, Hyuna laughed. It was so simple, she easily taught her way out of it with her words. Per usual. 

“I'm always a part of you! Who can replace that?” 

Hyunwoo must still be somewhat irritated, or maybe already let go of that sinking feeling; Hyuna wasn’t sure. The revenge was lighthearted though, back to his usual pranks, when he left a bug on her sleeve when she was asleep.

She returned the favour when she chased him across the garden, attempting to throw the bug back at his face. 

They had laughed together.

The blonde kid was nothing like Hyunwoo. He was deadly quiet, a bit erratic without a single notice and, if not biting at his sleeves, was biting her. Hyuna ruffled his hair whenever he did, it was adorable! She missed when Hyunwoo nibbled at her, when they were younger. 

She had found him alone, like a lonely star in the middle of floating rocks and debris, with only rumours speaking of who he was. He calls his seygein ‘father’, and he is always going to the medical room. Does his Seygein care that much for his health? If not about that, the others gossiped about his nature: He looks so pretty, but he is just plain weird…Unsettling! He also never talks to us! Just ignore him.

Pets at this age were so clumsy, Hyuna huffed at those fickle words, as she walked over— helping to count along with Luka’s fingers. She didn’t get the rumours, as she gazed into the pretty boy’s smile. Cute. Little. 

She let him chase after her, giggling, even when Hyunwoo bickered and frowned.

“It's gross! He’s spreading saliva everywhere on your clothes…” her little brother murmured, looking at the splotches left behind. He was always like this, when Luka was out seeing his father. 

“Well, he would bite your clothes too if you let him!” She once again laughed it off. “You shouldn’t push him so hard when he tries.” 

“Well, he hits me harder back! Why not see my pain, noona!” He puffed his cheeks. 

“Well, he’s fragile! You saw how much he bruises…” 

“…still…” 

“Come now, you’re my only brother! Don’t be so mean about it.” 

However, despite her advice, her brother didn’t seem to feel better. His face was still pulled, hands knit together, something across his face Hyuna couldn’t piece together. Why couldn’t she? She was a part of him. She learnt to read him. 

Before she could ask, she heard footsteps and a tugging hug across her back. Shimmery blonde hair and a new red mark across his forehead. She frowned at the wound. Eyes ever dreamy, as Hyuna instinctively patted his head. 

“You said you would be waiting for me…At the tree…” Luka murmured, hugging her tighter, as an unconscious reply of laughter escaped her mouth. 

“Sorry, I was-“ Hyuna grinned, before she saw it— her brother fuming again. 

She didn’t get it. 

She should have. 

They bickered, belittling each other with tiny fists, and they tossed each other to the grass as Hyuna did, to joke with her brother. Just a little spat. Yet Hyuna saw the aggression over both of their faces, how skin reddened fast, that every time she saw them fight, it was Luka always on the floor first. 

She stepped in, hitting her brother’s head to stop the fight, even when her brother looked up betrayed. 

“He’s weaker than you!” Hyuna murmured, half-breathing in the fact that her hand hurt too. 

Hyunwoo always sulked, but forgave afterwards. Luka only knelt closer to her, letting Hyuna pull him in by the shoulder; checking over his face, as Luka preened. 

Just a tumble. Hyuna nodded along. 

At some point, Hyuna figured out how Luka worked. It brought her this sudden sigh of disbelief, relief, before she rushed off to try it. She always saw Luka fumble with his fingers, as if his mind was always working on something— questioning how it operates. So it made sense when his father gifted him that Rubik's Cube. 

Luka didn’t know how it worked initially, just playing with it. Crossing the colours over, turning it on its side, rolling it between his little palms. At that sight, Hyuna rushed back to her studies— even the ones outside the usual regimen. She was top of the class and their teachers granted her slides outside their usual catalogue, on the bits of past human history they granted. 

“It's a puzzle” Hyuna showed off the toy, with every movement taken up by Luka’s eyes. It was only them, with Hyunwoo ditching the two’s boring lecture about a cube to instead play with another kid. Something about bugs, with Hyunwoo’s friend giving a skittish bow- backing away, as if trying to avoid his eyes being seen. So, Hyuna and Luka moved to their usual spot they had when they were alone together; the tree Hyuna initially found him at. “It's even called Rubik’s, after the human who made it.” 

Luka’s face was ever-changing, “Another pet?” 

Hyuna nodded, “Before the aliens came. Apparently it's very popular for the homebred pets outside the Garden. Even aliens play with it with us. Here,” 

She took his little fingers in hers, as they switched the blocks across each other- until a blue meets another blue. “You match the colours up, until one whole side is blue.”

At that, Luka’s eyes gleamed— nearly grabbing her hands whole as he somehow instantly got the objective of the toy. Hyuna didn’t even need to show him further, before he was swapping the blocks and sides, faster than she could keep up. Puzzles came naturally to him. 

Within minutes one side was completely blue. Then the other red. The other yellow. Hyuna watched in awe, her arm over Luka’s shoulders as he worked, before he presented it like some gift. Finished. 

“…That’s it?” Luka murmured, tilting the toy side to side, awaiting for something more. Hyuna giggled at his micro-expressions peeking out from that oftentimes bored face. 

“You’re too adorable! Got so wrapped up in it” she poked his cheek. Luka gave her an apathetic look, before pushing the finished cube to her. 

“You fix it. You found out how it works.” 

At that Hyuna hummed, before nodding, taking the cube; fingering at its corners and worming her mind to how it works…before shuffling it all together at once. Luka makes a half sound at the ruined progress, before she lifts it up to him. 

“Here we go. I made it even more messed up, so you can break it again!” 

Once again the twinkle was back, as Luka swept the cube up and worked on breaking it open. Hyuna enjoyed how focused his eyes worked, as if jolted awake and alive, so energetic from the usually lethargic Luka. He hadn’t even bothered to nap that day, as he usually would on Hyuna’s shoulder whenever it was just them two. 

It took minutes longer, before he was done. Then Luka wordlessly passed it to Hyuna again to mess around, which she obliged, and he played all over again. It took them several trials for Hyuna to realise Luka could backtrack her work by peering too closely at her hands mixing the cube— which she chided him lightly for, gently making him press his hands over his eyes. 

“No peeking! I’ll make it harder for you, just wait!” She wound it with a smile. Hyuna was proud of the progress, of how much she understood Luka and what he liked doing and how much they both enjoyed each other’s company. It was very simple in the end, finding such fun in a little toy. 

Luka finally giggled and smiled along, cheeks warm and hands pressed against those watching eyes. Again and again with that Rubik’s Cube. 

Hyuna was half disappointed when Hyunwoo raided them in the end, holding up a space beetle he found up to them; with Luka hiding behind her, face sunken at the sight of so many additional legs in Hyunwoo’s hand. 

Hyuna loved Luka. She loved her brother. She hugged them both, grinning, feeling herself protect their bodies against the cold Garden air. 

The beetle scattered somewhere, as she tugged them along to the river; intent on making sure they got along! That was her duty, after all! 

Hyuna liked sleeping. It was like a peaceful resignation from having to work, talk, sing, and take care of the little things in this life they shared. She especially liked it when she could nap at the Gardens, with their usual dorm beds too lonely even with the other girls that rested beside her. She got along well enough with them, yet their admiration for her singing and grades always felt a bit off when Hyuna didn’t know them especially well. It was just one-sided.

She disliked how far Hyunwoo’s dorm was, or wherever Luka slept— always between the single dorm here or in his father’s abode. Hyuna wondered if they worried about her the same when they were away from her. 

So Hyuna liked napping under the trees, before the guards made them return to their rooms. She followed Luka’s sleepy habits, resting her head against his, as they rested under the trees. The purple twilight, simulated by the panelled sky above them shifted just as she groggily woke. 

Hyuna thinks she was dreaming about something, of the laboratory long ago and tools probing her skin, making her shiver at the touch. Then her eyes opened. The touch was too physical to be a dream, visibly pressing over her sleeve, feeling eyes— blonde, almost unreadable eyes— bore into her. A shadowy presence pressed her into the grass, her collar flickering confused and yellow. 

Luka, who should be sleeping beside her. Who should be smiling, following her steps like a little bird, gently joining the little hugs she gave. He was over her body, his face half hidden by darkness, 

“Luka?” She forced out, her breath halting. His lips were nearly against hers, before they instead tugged to her cheeks- the foreignness of it made her stifle. Freeze. She later cursed her inaction. 

“This is good” He uttered, so steady that it scared her. She shouldn't be scared. But she didn’t want to hurt Luka. “Father taught so. Be still.” He repeated those words as if he were reading them. 

His hands dug closer that now they were hovering over her clothes, before pressing into her hip— Hyuna feeling something inch out of her throat by the second. She wasn’t scared, she couldn’t be- she’s confused, shocked, she can’t understand— 

What she couldn’t take most was those eyes and the collar. The collar was a plain green, adding to the steadiness of Luka’s actions, whilst hers switched to a freezing red. Those eyes above her, trying to break into her skin, were like how Luka stared at his cube. At his puzzles. Trying to puzzle it bare. Open. 

A tongue almost breached her mouth before Hyuna’s strength returned to her, pushing Luka off with a shove. He groaned as he fell to the ground, holding his arm, as Hyuna wheezed— her mind attempting to catch up with the fact that she hurt Luka. She promised herself she wouldn’t. 

Despite this little rationale telling her to check on the boy, her whole body was already picking itself up to run as far as possible. Away, away, chasing past the trembling in her heart. 

She didn’t know how far she ran, before she felt something clutch at her arms again. Hyuna almost shoved the hand away, cringing at the touch, before she noticed the same, worried face as hers. Hyunwoo. 

“Sister?” He asked in a quiet voice, trembling at the sight of his sister who almost pushed him. “The- the girls in your room said you weren’t back yet, it's curfew…” 

She had to wash the concern off his face. To use her words to still those trembles, wrap her arms around him to comfort. Yet Hyuna couldn’t, not when she realised how tears started to leave her eyes, as her brother — this time by instinct— pulled her into a hug. She nearly sobbed again, but pulled it back. The little tears that escaped were already too much. 

“He grabbed me- I was asleep and I didn’t know what was happening and he- he looked like that, like Seygeins, I-“ her voice bubbled, the stress making her role shatter, unable to return back to usual. Hyunwoo held her, trying to steady her. 

“…Luka?” He asked, already knowing who. 

Hyuna wasn’t sure if she replied to that, before he took her hand, like they always do, leading her back to the dorms. Guiding her down the halls, the other girls let him bring her to bed, watching out for any guards who would tell them off (a male on the female’s side). 

“You don’t have to deal with him” Hyunwoo whispered to her, as Hyuna settled onto her bed, tears already long dried. 

“It's okay. I’m okay. No need to worry.” Hyuna gave a smile that Hyunwoo frowned at. If she weren’t so groggy, she would have noticed. 

‘…I’ll protect you too.’

Hyuna wasn’t sure if she had misheard that, or if even heard it in the first place. She didn’t know if her brother said anything. Hyunwoo left, bowing to the other girls in thanks, before running to his dorms. It felt weird to sleep again, especially when she had taken a nap before. 

Hyuna just needed to reset. She will be fine the next day. This will fade. 

She can do this.

…

Hyuna found herself so weak, hating herself for it, when she avoided the sight of blonde hair the next day. The other little boy was trying to murmur something, maybe an apology she hoped, before Hyunwoo stood in between. Her brother snapped at the other boy, as she let him tug her arm away- as Luka did too. 

She wasn’t sure. She wasn’t. She wanted to pat Luka’s hair, squeeze her brother’s shoulders, and make sure they knew she was okay. 

She wasn’t sure. 

They were always reflections of each other. Or foils, as a better term, which Hyuna found in their literary classes together in the classics regiment. Born of the same, just slightly— the littlest bit—different. Hyunwoo loved bugs, running, collecting pebbles to throw at the fake river, tugging Luka to wrestle, laughing. 

Hyuna loved watching him do all those. She had to ensure he could safely do all that, that Hyunwoo got along with the other pets, that maybe…he could (to her selfish, human desire) get along with Luka. 

She would not hurt Luka. She liked him. He was precious, standoffish, sharp in a way that drove other kids back once they saw past those demure looks. That was what made him so adorable. Hyuna tried to take his hands again, after that one night, even apologising for pushing him even though Luka said he forgot it all entirely. She froze, at the idea Luka forgot how he pinned her. Left her shaking. Instead of trying to talk it out, she just gave a lopsided smile to Luka. She is okay. 

Hyuna couldn’t have guessed that one of the biggest differences between her and her brother was that Hyunwoo could hurt him.

…

It should have been another fight. One of the girls who admired her, grabbed at her sleeve which Hyuna thought was just shy. In actuality, she was near tears in nerves, before Hyuna ran out at her words; Hyunwoo is hurting Luka. They always fought, but never to the extent of others getting involved. Not after what happened that night. 

She passed through the artificial trees, trying to match the usual locations they played in mind, before she heard them. Hyuna’s face paled, knowing how far away they were from the centre of the Garden, meaning they were at the outskirts. Where the outside had somewhat carved in, marking the plastic safe grass with sharp edges, pebbles, broken wires and rocks. 

Then across from her, was Hyunwoo pinning Luka down to the ground. She saw red against white cloth, tears and screaming that made her whole being hurt. Hyuna was shaking, trembling, ripped apart at the sight; at how close Luka’s head was to the sharp edge of a rock. Why can’t they get along? What did I do wrong? She should had stayed quiet.

Something bubbled so sickly inside her, a suppressed burst of strength in her legs in that moment of stress, as Hyuna strode forward— 

“Luka-“ 

Hyunwoo had screamed something, sounding like sister, and Luka was half sniffling, bruised, yet in her movement they stifled and pushed—

Too forcibly back, before Hyuna could reach them- 

Crack. 

Her little brother was on the ground. There was red, seeping flood of red, tainting the grass with a rock, bare shiny in the aftermath. That was her face, shared between her and Hyunwoo, bleeding out— as if she herself was dead instead. Dead. 

She somehow knew it instinctively. Hyuna always feared this, that she had to keep her brother safe. Healthy. Happy. Her job is as the eldest. As his sister. Dead. 

She bit her lip, unable to close her eyes to the sight, standing a metre away from his corpse. Hyuna should at least try running for help, attempting to find the medical examiners who always skated around them in check-ups and testing. She stood there, like stone, like the stone that cracked Hyunwoo’s skull. 

Then steps, bare feet against the grass, as she watched. Watched Luka’s precious grin, so wide and the brightest she had seen yet, hands outstretched to her. His cheek and fingers, that she loved to pull and tug at, were dashed in her brother’s blood. She felt something curdle at the sight. 

A child yearning for her affection. It was so simple. She should have seen it, before all this happened. She shouldn’t have been so scared. 

Hyuna, finally for that moment, remembered how little she was too. How small her hands were, clenched into fists, how her pants’ rims were still overgrown catching at her toes as she stumbled away from Luka. Could she have known better? Fixed this as Hyunwoo’s elder sister? Fixed this? Hyuna felt her whole being permanently halved in two, struggling whether to return to her brother or- or what? To do what? What can she do, as a sister with no sibling, a guide with no hand to hold back. A shepherd in an empty field. Nothing like the sermons dictated. 

There were three children, two siblings and one found by them. Now there was a body. Bleeding behind Luka’s happy, wheezing steps.

Hyuna just froze.

The second time Hyuna met Phan was face to face, as close as it could get, was within the few Seygein visitations inside the Garden itself. Most human pets would visit their Seygeins in their homes, brought over by pet carriers or leashes, back to their families. She was instead faced with her Seygein in the Ankat Gardens’ labs, where their medical checks usually were. She herself was placed in such a carrier, a glass cube.

Hyuna felt the sudden loss in herself; as if a limb was displaced somewhere and she was left floundering after his death. He must be buried, rather burnt by now, into the many white-pebble markers. She is half a pair, half a person. Somewhere, in an organ, with Hyunwoo’s head compressed against rock, she reabsorbed her sibling. 

That is what Phan apparently thought. They were on the other side of the glass, not even bothering to come close to analyse the pets, now singular pet, they made years ago. 

Weren’t there two? Did one of them get absorbed with the other in the uterine tube? 

The assistant, whose face Hyuna did not recognise, held the cube exhibition she was in up to Phan’s face. She had previously tried biting any seygein who grabbed her before, the loss making her mind anguished to lash out. Absorbed?  

‘They grew up properly. Sister and brother. You contracted them to the Anakt Garden and the 49th Season of Alien Stage. Human stage superiority test.’ The assistant spoke clinically, ‘One of the siblings died in an accident in the Gardens.’ 

…Inferior version then. Is this the male one? 

Hyuna dug her feet together, glaring, wishing she wasn't alone in here. She swore herself not to cry, even if in anger. Phan’s face, while nothing like a human’s, held no expression at all. Inferior? 

‘No, the female. ‘Hyuna’, you named it. The Garden was asking if you wish to redraw your pet after the accidental death. Hyuna has showcased expansive talent, in performance, stamina and academics in the program. The accident has however caused a decline-‘ 

Phan raised a hand, silencing the assistant instantly- the other backing away as if slapped by the mere presence of Phan’s authority. Phan finally lowered enough that Hyuna could see the dark hole in their skull, almost as if an aching black eye or a panopticon void staring back; before the seygein spoke. 

It is already sufficient alone. It will survive without its twin. I am not returning it back as there are no other plans for it. 

…

If it has such talents, it will use them. Such dependencies it had before will be outgrown. Ask the program not to contact me about this again. 

‘Understood. I will send a notice.’ 

With that, Phan turned away. As if they did not order Hyuna’s every being from the moment she could first think, give her a sibling so integral to her it felt as if she died on that ground the same way. After the testing, the sermons, the lessons, those days were wasted in white walls thinking she was appeasing some guidance from God, Anakt: To be the eldest. To save. To protect. Her brother. 

For some reason, Hyuna remembered the old story of siblings, the first sons of some God, they told her and Hyunwoo all the way back in their trial room. Hyuna couldn’t remember the names, just that one was a shepherd— upon God’s will— offered something to that God as their sibling did. Yet God refused this offering, with the shepherd, in jealousy, dashing his brother with a rock. 

A rock. Hyunwoo. 

Yet Hyuna wondered, why was God so cruel? To ask for offerings, mercy, every bit of them until murder— one-sidedly— simply because it was stronger? In the back of her mind, the role long forged into her reformed itself beneath her eyes. Forcing those eyes against Phan. Against the aliens, the Seygeins, the cruel system that hated humanity to its core. 

It was easier to hate that, than curse herself singularly forevermore. She drove her body against the glass, staring firmly- defiant and resolute- with Phan offering a passive glance back before leaving the room entirely. 

She was Hyuna. Hyuna. Alone. Singular. She lost her brother, and she would keep living with that fact. 

The assistant then returned her to the handlers, who then threw her back to the Gardens, with the kids surrounding her; Did you see your seygein? Are you okay? 

Hyuna wore her old steady smile, the one used to comfort others and mostly herself now. 

“I’m okay.” 

She ignored Luka, staring at the crowd: his face brightening at the sight of her, yet his hands furrowed together, pressing into his nails- a typical sign of stress for him- as if he was worried. Worried that a seyegin took Hyuna to a laboratory, just as his seygein did. She wondered if she was making up these feelings through his posture. Still trying to puzzle out Luka and the hole he left in her heart. 

Hyuna returned to chatting with the others, soothing them with a grin. She doesn’t look back at Luka. Not back to the figment image of Hyunwoo’s bloody smile beside him.

She tried to ignore them. 

Ignorance is bliss, but Hyuna was never that patient. As much as she claimed to burn away the role her seygein unknowingly set in her mind, like wires inserted into gelatinous brain, she couldn’t forgo the instinct to look back. Old habits to fall back to, even if she hated the system. 

Luka trailed behind her everywhere. She never gathers around their usual spots or meeting points, yet he finds her- with that warm smile of his. He tried to tug at her sleeves, drool at the end of his lips, as if he wanted to return to that complacent normal. Hyuna could only snatch her arm back, biting her tongue, leaving without a second word. Not when she still remembered the intangible stink of metal on grass. She hates him, she has to. 

It was late, as Hyuna took a sidestep to the bathrooms before bed, once she saw him. He was terribly small, still a head below her despite both of them having their growth spurts, at the end of the hall. He was looking at his toes, something between them that from this distance, Hyuna could see was wiggling. She hadn’t seen Luka in a while, which he mentioned off-handly to her in their one-sided conversations.

‘Father is going to run the cardiovascular checks again.’ 

Hyuna ignored his words then, but she could see the aftermath now. There were the red rimmed marks of tubes and wires that could have been on his skin, the purpling at his fingers somehow worsened to the point they stood out in the dark hall.
Most telling was the emptiness in Luka’s eyes, as he finally stomped his foot down on the wiggling thing on the floor— lifting it up for Hyuna’s eyes to see the green blood sliding off. Luka did so so apathetically, as if trying to surmise some feeling or power over it, yet none of the weight hit. It was just a dead thing slapped on his foot. 

Hyuna almost lifted her hand, to tell how sunken Luka’s cheeks were or if he fell into another fever— yet she stilled. Unsure, fighting against the pattern of helping him; she never liked seeing Luka hurt.  But Luka chose her, looking over before his expression turned warm once again. He crouched to peel the splattered thing on the floor, before hobbling over with it; lifting it to her eyes, perched on his hand.

A stomped bug. Some sort of alien caterpillar. She saw the green seeping out and the bits of it between Luka’s toes when he stomped on it. 

“…It's a bug.” Luka almost proudly announced, since Hyuna was looking at him finally- even if through a dead bug. 

“…Why-“ Hyuna brought a hand over her mouth, winded back at the sight of its innards melting out. Part of her still stayed however, as if genuinely interested somehow.

Luka tilted his head, almost curious. Confused, “…He always brought you bugs…” 

At that Hyuna winced her teeth, pulling back entirely. The familiarity of it all, a bug presented between hands, his wide grin to the image of an empty-faced Luka now holding bloody murder to her eyes. She stumbled,

“I don’t want to see it- why are you…What are you doing here?”

“It’s obvious.” Luka surmised, yet met with Hyuna’s silence he elaborated. “I wanted to see you. Your room is down there.”

“You don’t get to see me.” She felt like she was lecturing him again. “… it's late. There’s curfew and we are on opposite sides of the facility.” 

Hyuna couldn’t word the fact that she simply didn’t want to see him. 

“…Can I see you tomorrow then? You aren’t waiting by the tree.” Last time, went unsaid, as he dashed the bug out of hand. Luka even took the moment to look shy, putting his toes together. Hyuna just wanted to leave him there. 

“…I won’t. Head to bed already, before the guards send you.” 

Luka made a whining sound, something that made her heart flicker, as his hands came forward— to grab her, which Hyuna slapped her arm against. He only made a motion to her sleeve, Hyuna realised in short breaths, as Luka braced back. As if he was going to be hit. 

The two stood in heavy silence, Hyuna’s hands twitching to act. To hug him, comfort him, like usual. The simpler times. When it just wasn’t two of them now. She could halfway see Hyunwoo’s face down in the shadows. 

Hyuna instead took Luka’s hand, shakily,

“I-I…I won’t do that. Just go to bed, please.” She wasn’t sure what she promised that to, yet Luka almost brightens at that. As if he wasn’t just shaking before.  

“Okay. Goodnight.”

Hyuna watched him turn, leave, his eyes following her still- his head tilted- before she ran. Ran back to bed. Ran under the blankets, trying to pull out and weave the conflict from her mind.

Guilt, worry, care, anger, she couldn’t placate any emotions. 

She just missed her brother.

The one she absorbed. 

Hyuna couldn’t put together anything for the mock-funeral. It wasn’t even a funeral, like the books said aliens could afford. Most aliens just cremated in lavish celebrations as to cast the dust into space; to join the stars in some philosophical, pseudoscientific or just ritualistic way. Then gravestones, etched ones that looked like weird sculptures, if the hologram images were accurate. 

The pets in the Garden get white markers. They looked like large pebbles in shape, if not for their size and the etching of the name on their rim. Hyuna placed her whole hand onto it, still too large, tracing the letters Hyunwoo, on it. There wasn’t a funeral before because she didn’t even know the grave was here yet. 

Hyuna had to hear it from one of the others, another boy who meekly joined her—sniffling with heavy tears— telling how he saw the guards place a new marker there. Hyuna couldn’t even catch his name properly in thanks, before she raced down to the graveyard. She had been continuously checking since that day. There below her hand, was it. 

Part of her couldn’t cry at first, not when she saw the faces of the other kids come out— who must have chased her after she received the news. They came over, giving polite words and half-worded eulogies. Someone mentioned how Hyunwoo had given them their favourite bug shell. Another said Hyunwoo helped them climb a tree. It was all very little stuff, yet Hyuna thanked them all nonetheless. Eventually, the crowd scattered, as if satisfied in helping another one of them grieve. 

Hyuna sat by the grave for basically the whole day. Silent, sitting with her toes barely touching the white. Her brother, that was half of her. He wasn’t even buried here. Scattered to space probably. She can only hope so, as her mind wanders to scattered thoughts. 

…

…Hyunwoo. Hyuna. Did Phan mean to name them so similarly? Add one syllable of their name to ‘Hyun’ and that was sufficient names for them both? It was almost lazy. An afterthought, it must be, when they said two popped out of their tubes. Neither of them mattered without the other, 

So Hyun(a/woo).

…

And there was only Hyuna left anyhow. The other vanished somewhere. Absorbed. 

She couldn’t cry yet. The simulated sky above turned to night, the evening purple hits, with her frame still hunched over the grave. That was how Luka found her, where she could hear his approaching steps. She could even smell him, knew everything about him, so she didn’t need to acknowledge the other. Luka eventually finds her, if he couldn’t see her once a week at least. 

He quietly puts his arms around her, Hyuna nearly elbowing back at him before relenting. The touch was soft, as he caressed her whole back with his chest and cheek. Yearning for her touch. Hugging her. 

Maybe it was the tenderness, the burning guilt or the fact that she knew Hyunwoo's body no longer existed, that caused her to finally tear up in that moment. She shook, a hand bracing her mouth as full sobs came out; sniffling and wheezing, trying to keep her tears manageable yet they came out. They streaked her cheeks, as she felt Luka rub his cheeks against her shoulders, mocking her in affection. It hardly felt like comfort, especially in the clear fact that Luka didn’t even bother to see the grave. Ignoring his sin. 

Hyuna cried. She cried long and hard, wishing that the other half she was born with was by her side. That she listened, hugged him tighter, agreed to the last piggyback he promised her. She wished she could have pushed back Luka. 

In the blurriness of tears, tearing at her cheeks and hair, she eventually found herself back near the front of the dorms. Her sleeve had been tugged all the way by Luka, the boy guiding her back— looking to her as if he did a good job. Hyuna’s lips trembled, for a moment relenting by pressing her hand on his head for a pat, which Luka didn’t flinch at. 

“Goodnight.” He told her as she left him behind without a second word. 

Somehow that was how most of their interactions went. Unsaid words, uneasy stumbling over each other— Hyuna trying her best to ignore him entirely. 

Just ignore him. 
Even if you allow him to follow you. 

“You should surrender in the final round.” 

Hyuna didn’t even bother to look up towards Luka, instead adjusting the microphone in her grip— the standard type as she didn’t bother to pick anything fancier and Phan surely forgot to include any additional funding for such anyhow. A decade later and the seygein and pet dynamic… mostly understood how to ignore each other; Hyuna knew their seygein just slotted her existence away from mind entirely. She willingly ignored them, letting the bits of useless hate fade. She was an adult now.

It was a mock break room, with some jellies out as refreshments, preparing for the last rounds ahead. There was even a rack for extra versions of their outfits, especially with those favoured by the stage already. Hyuna felt sick at how quickly their outfits changed, both to obviously fit the grotesque aesthetic of each round and how much to clean the blood that could remain on previous garbs. 

Hyuna instead took to examining the matched circuit above them- ‘49th Season’- pitting their faces against each other. She was the second last round, to dictate the finalists. 

“You assumed I’m going to win next.” Hyuna gave a fake smile, as she often does to Luka nowadays. The years-long grief does much to change how hatred (guilt) is shown. 

“You will.” Luka returned in full confidence. It was obvious, especially if you caught news of the bets the aliens had pronounced on their lives. “You should surrender to me after.”

Hyuna clenched her fists, instead distracting them to something more productive; like adjusting the yellowish-tipped leggings properly. She caught Luka’s eyes following every action, always chasing after her even in those still eyes. She hated those looks, making her breath catch in her lungs. 

“Then you assume I’m going to lose to you,” Hyuna poses to him, stern now at the subtle threat. “I know your tricks well, your little guilt-trips won’t affect me.” She can easily stifle the way her eyes shake, staring at him now. Hyuna understood his tactics, somehow learning the habits of his opponents to a clinical degree to then break them completely on stage. 

Hyuna thinks she would have maybe been the same, then she realised Luka already broke her many years ago. So it will be nothing to her.

At her words, Luka’s face grew tender, grinning widely at the thought, 

“You always get me. But this is the finale, only one of us can win. Surrender to me.” 

“So what, you can kill another one?” Hyuna shrugged it off, bitterness easy with the idea of Hyunwoo still hanging between them. Another sibling? Another loved one? Yet it was more easily hidden with the fact that they both had bodies attached to them now, the poor others they grew up with now bleeding on stage. It piled on her shoulders, hold strong, she repeated to herself. 

“Father said that he would take you in. If you surrendered, he could fake your death even for the screens.” Luka leaned down to where she was sitting, eyes gleaming. Hopeful. “He knows which safe artery to tell the guards to hit. You will be safe if you surrender.”

He even raised his hands to his neck, showcasing the vulnerability. 

Hyuna stilled, searching not for the lie in those words- no- Luka will never mislead about wanting her dead, she knows his behaviour too well. She was looking for any sign that Luka’s seygein had been lying to him. 

“He said he will be overjoyed to have one of Phan’s creations in hand.” Luka half giggled, fully crouching down to Hyuna’s seat, placing his cheek onto his knees. He was as if he was bathing himself in Hyuna’s presence, as she was yet to intervene. “You will be safe. Just surrender, then you can be safe within my arms.” 

Her eyes shook at the audacity. Hyuna wasn’t sure what she was frustrated with; that Luka easily thought she would lose to him, or that he thinks that he alone could hold her life in his palm so simply. Or the fact that Hyuna bothered to listen. It was pitiful, on both ends. 

“I am going to win.” Hyuna stands up easily, nearly making Luka fall backwards from his crouch. “Just watch me.” 

“Hyun-“ Luka half reached for her, before Hyuna hissed, snatching her arm completely from him and walking out– not wanting to hear the clipped name calling out. 

Watch me. 

Hyuna made her way backstage, as if confidence nearly brandished despite the deaths that trailed behind. While singing, she could take her life back that no one owed; she was yet to ever give anyone that chance, especially not Luka. Somewhere in the lights, she wondered if Hyunwoo would be proud of her—

As the music starts, with her formidable steps across the stage, Hyuna takes one breath in— about to meet her opponent’s eye with a sorry look— before she freezes. 

The other was just a boy. He was smaller, hair cut in such a jagged way it reminded her of- the little one that chased behind her in the Gardens. Wore the same joy as he would. She remembered this boy, Hyunwoo’s friend, who caught bugs with him, slept on each other in classes, who apologised and led her to Hyunwoo’s grave-

His eyes were already teary, having must have known it was Hyuna of all people he was facing. She felt her breath leave her, as she watched the other boy stumble into singing, accidentally stealing the note she was meant to sing. 

Hyunwoo. His friend. Bleeding out. The stage. The song was still going…

Hyuna barely caught on, her eyes too wide examining her opponent, chasing after him. It was like chasing an afterimage, with Hyunwoo easily gliding into the steps her opponent makes, the notes clumsily moving out. Hyuna gripped the microphone too hard, her mind whirling. 

She can’t kill Hyunwoo again. 

Hyuna barely tasted the metal on her tongue, where she bit her lips from instinctively singing out. She cannot stop the sickly feeling at the pit of her stomach, duty and instinct intertwined and fighting. Her life was hers on stage. She would not kill her brother.

Her opponent looked too much like him. 

It was around the last third of the song where Hyuna barely sang, her voice a whisper compared to her opponent’s desperation- sweating down in earned hope, seeing Hyuna failing to catch up in volume again. She could only watch him in the spotlight, trying to distinguish his name other than Hyunwoo because that was not true, once she saw the hologram above her. 

LOSE: Hyuna. 

All at once, her mind snapped into place- giving one last look to her opponent who was gasping in joy. On further reflection, with another look, it fuelled her mind with all the things that were different between him and her brother. Despite brown hair, his eyes- one too large and the other too small- the way those bangs hid said eyes, the way anxiety seemed to naturally frame his face. Hyunwoo no longer stood there, and Hyuna moved. 

She felt an unconscious counter of time end, a gun aimed towards her neck, as she dashed to the sides. The wings that held the speakers Hyuna could hide against, as she indeed heard the shot clang into metal rather than her body. 

Hyuna kept running, chasing down the stage and into the doors in the back, with the aliens and guards on the ready, actually not ready for her to arrive. Gobsmacked at the very fact, it wasn't her who won. It all felt rigged that Hyuna laughed out loud, in the competition’s face. She lost! Contrary to their bets and rigging and their entertainment-driven desires! 

Bullets flew behind her, one scratching the side of her hip, yet Hyuna continued to run— retracing the mock escape plan she fantasised with throughout the season. She never could make a proper enough plan to guide anyone out with her, never mind taking herself. It was a last ditch effort. She wondered if she could have grabbed another’s hand to escape.

…

Then for a moment, when she was outside a vent, skating across broken glass; needing to head down the chute to freedom, she saw him.

Hyunwoo. Again. Her better half. He lifted a finger, aimed behind her. As always Hyuna looked, to see what her hallucinations always said. Guards waited for her there.

At that moment one of them took the wrong shot, hitting the panel, and in moments, the whole hall exploded. Pieces shattered, columns snapped, Hyuna felt ash fill her mouth and the worst pain searing at her limbs. 

….

When she found herself awake, nearly screaming in pain— the sight of her leg crushed underneath— she bit her lip. Hyuna was alive, she will stay alive. 

The others in the Garden. She promised herself she wouldn’t kill anyone else, if not by her innocence, her ignorance, her complicity. Hyuna shouted as she ripped her leg from under the wreckage, stumbling with a completely broken leg. 

Red trailed behind her, across numerous rocks this time- just as the single that dashed out her brother’s brains. 

Another step, to Anakt. To the Garden. To the Gods. 

She cannot vanish, as her brother did; she cannot die and waste the absorbed sacrifice he took. Like a twin eating its own in the utero, spouting out with only one of them. 

Another step forward.

She will live.  

Hyunwoo stumbled with her the whole way there, as if cheering his sister, whom Hyuna finally could acknowledge and smile at.

Hyuna will live. 

…

…

…

Hyuna made it only a quarter through to Anakt before she passed out; collapsed over a tube when they found her. The rebels took the ever determined woman in their arms, rescuing her.

Dazed on the medical bed, Hyuna numbly looked under the blankets. It was a lost gap of where a leg should be, later replaced by a metal prosthetic, acting as a permanent reminder. Hyuna welcomed it, in how there was a physical part of her taken; just as she felt ripped apart when Hyunwoo died. It could physically show now, in a way Hyuna felt relief but bitter excuses at. 

She could only watch in accepted, cruel silence on how the 49th season ended. One of the rebels arranged the screen upon her request, looking angry on her behalf for the sick show. It flipped to the recording of the final round. Hyuna never thought she could see Luka so viciously cruel; the apathetic ethereal beauty gone, as the blonde ripped deeper and deeper notes into the boy that ‘killed’ her. Chasing that boy like a shark out for blood, circling him, pushing him that when his neck exploded, Luka took the boy’s bloody hand to his lips, mocking. Like lipstick, sliding down his mouth.

That became Luka’s signature move after that. Started from when he thought Hyuna died. Hyuna darkly laughed at that, he did want to kiss me so badly after all.

…

Hyuna couldn’t rest well with the knowledge of Hyunwoo resting inside her. Carved in since birth, since Phan’s treatment, since how much she loved Hyunwoo.

Even when she sang with the rebellion members, giggled warmly by cigarette smoke, drank herself to gluttonous silence- trying to forgo memories in the dark. The purple lights she performs in, half for herself and half to prove her suffering did something. Guiding the rebel members, people who always admire her, chasing after her every step. 

I will absorb your thoughts with mine. I will continue on. I will make sure we no longer have to kill and die and suffer at the hands of any Seygein. Nobody deserves that. 

A shepherd will do her duty. 

She promised. 

My twin. My brother. 

…

Yet in the moments where she drank herself near unconscious, or when she threw herself to some suicide mission— near death, Hyuna falters for a moment. 

She still missed the time when all she knew was the warmth of Hyunwoo’s hand.