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A scream roared across the arena as the sound escaped her, so did the last threads of the safety she had been building over 20 years: physical, mental and magical. Rumi can barely feel the snap of the tendons of the honmoon over the snap of her own psyche. How had they found out, she was careful (militant) about being discovered, yet here she was laid out bare before everyone including the two most important people in her life. Or more accurately they were the ones who laid her bare.
Her mind raced yet the finish line was nowhere to be seen, she had enough strength to rush off the stage unaware the two other figures had seemed to vanish into thin air. Metal and concrete flashed by underfoot but her mind had already left this place, she felt the change in elevation as steps hit her feet. Unable to properly focus on her surroundings as her mind failed to fortify itself she stumbled and vaguely reached out for anything to keep her steady.
Her mind raced with the failure to keep anything safe, the honmoon, the people, her bandmates. Celine’s words swam around her head tending to the fire that’s burning inside, one that roared as she saw the two figures in front of her.
“What…”
Zoey and Mira.
“How are you here?” This doesn't make sense. “You were just on stage.”
Whatever bits of her mind that had yet to succumb to the raging storm tried to grasp at any reason. The stage. They couldn’t have got here faster than her. She would have heard them. Unless. The faces aren’t the same. There’s no cruelty.
“That wasn’t you. Oh thank goodness”
There was only fear. A step forward gets a step back in response, Rumi can see their eyes scan her body as they retreat, peering down breaks the hopeful lie in her head. The patterns. They’ve spread everywhere, no inch left uncovered, no part of her able to hide. It’s too late, it has to be.
It can’t be too late, “No. No. No”, surely there’s something she can do.
“How do you have patterns?”
The maknae’s words hit like ice, enough to sting and focus the half-demon. But not nearly enough to stop the spiral completely.
“These were supposed to be gone. You were never supposed to see.”
Excuses. Redirections. Lies. Even in a moment when honesty was the only way forward, Rumi always found a way to run away.
“You’ve been hiding this from us, the whole time?”
Mira’s broken voice scratched and etched into Rumi’s ears, tearing at the shimmer of hope in the gaping chasm that hollowed her out inside. Rumi couldn’t think straight, she felt like she was going to pass out any second as her head screamed louder and louder. But she had to make it right, she had to.
“No, I have a plan to erase them. Jinu was supposed to… he was.. I-”
“Jinu. You're working with him.”
No, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Not like that. She felt the pit beneath her grow, isolating her, feeding off the guilt and shame. But she can still save this right, hold on to the connection between the three. Right?
“No. No. No. I was using him, to fix all this, to fix me. So we could all be strong… Be together.”
“How can we be together if we can’t tell your lies from your truth, Rumi.”
The name felt foreign as it hit Rumi’s ears, there wasn’t the usual bounce or warmth. Maybe Zoey was right, Rumi had been using them so she could get what she wanted, to be fixed. Just because it was beneficial to others didn’t make it any less selfish. But there was still a thread of hope, surely, maybe Mira could see reason. Maybe she-
“I knew it was too good to be true.”
No, no, no, no… This can’t be happening. Her mind spirals, she can still fix it. On stage during the solo.
“Mira, no. Didn’t you see. The gold. We’re so close.”
Another step back. She can still do this, there's still time. Just need to fix it, nothing difficult, just need them to fix it. Just don’t leave me.
“Please, don’t leave. Don’t leave-”
We can still fix it. Just need to fix it. Fix it. Fix it.
“I can still FIX IT!”
That wasn’t her voice. That was her voice. Everything building up inside of her, her head warping and stretching with all the shards of promises and lies torn and left to break more as debris in a tornado. It’s funny, the first time she has enough clarity to be aware of everything, as she sees the Gok-do rising pointing at her chest.
Rumi had always had insecurities and secrets that would eat her up inside, but she always had a tether to reality to keep her in check. It was now as she felt the last thread tugged and frayed, hanging on without even knowing why. Barely holding on she looks over at the once energetic member of the trio. The half-demon pleads, not even hearing what comes out her mouth anymore if only she can-
Two shin-kal enter her vision.
Snap.
With nothing left to keep her grounded Rumi’s mind crumbles, her vision seems to fade (more like shifts) as everything around her gets further away until she’s surrounded by a hazy dark void. All her fears, worries, self doubts gain a presence, a harsh breeze that digs into the bones leaving no spot unclaimed. She hears Celine's words roll around in her head, the two doppelgängers twisting the lyrics of their recent song (but was it really twisted if they were right), every comment about demons from the people closest to her, and the whispers and sneers she's made about herself over her entire life.
She shouldn’t exist. She’s a wretched creature who shouldn’t exist. She’s only able to cause pain and misery no matter the circumstances. She was a mistake. She failed her friends, her family, everyone. She would have made her mother sick. She-
At some point she crumples up as small as she can, knees to her chest, head buried in between. All she can do is mumble and do what she’s always done, hide, as futile as it is to do so. In all this chaos and churning of her mind she feels a gap, a small break, as small as a pin prick in her mind. It radiates warmth, her mind grasping at the meaning. She feels two palms on her shoulder and back one bigger on smaller.
__________________________
Mira and Zoey were unraveling. Everything had been going extremely well (a little too well as they now realise), they’d patched up some arguments the night before, Golden was going incredibly well, the Saja boys were fighting. Then Bobby got kidnapped, then Bobby was actually a demon, then Takedown started playing. Then Rumi had patterns. It was a shock that had fit so many of the missing pieces of Rumi’s behaviour, it couldn’t be real though. Could it.
They’d ran to cut Rumi off, she’d tried to explain but she kept on going in loops never fully answering questions and just creating more as she continued on. They’d kept their distance out of precaution, they could see the pain in her eyes but there were too many unknowns to be fully certain. Had she been replaced? Was she always like this? How? Why? Maybe they were too wrapped up in their own heads to see how much they were distancing themselves. Then Rumi shouted.
“I can still FIX IT”
A shockwave rippled across the honmoon with Rumi as its epicenter. They let their impulses take over, maybe it was Celine's teaching or maybe it was their own fear. Mira raised her weapon first unsure what she was going to do with it - too afraid to go down that line of thought - with Zoey raising hers second despite the pleading of their bandmate. They watched with guilt as the demon Rumi’s eye lost its shine, as she drew back into herself, twitching at noises that weren’t there but were for the unraveling girl in front of them.
Next was the mumbling, starting as a string of “No”s and “I can’t”s, evolving into more complex sentences.
“They shouldn’t have seen”,”I tried so hard”,”It was never going to be enough”
The two watched as the purple haired singer backed away towards the wall, slumped down and cradled herself.
“I should never have been chosen. They hate me, I’m nothing but a worthless mistake. They should get it over with already and fix me”
The two hunters glanced at each other, both having an uncomfortable feeling of what “fix me” meant. Zoey was the first to move, vanishing her weapons like they'd insulted her, she crouched down toward Rumi repeating her name as though she would disappear otherwise. She reached for her shoulder hoping touch might bring her back to the present.
“Rumi?” The youngest almost whispered unsure what to do. She was always supposed to be the fun, cute, energetic one. All traits that had no use in a situation like this.
“We’re here- I mean we're not going to hurt you, please just… we want to talk, I don't know what's going on but please can-” Words were failing her. How ironic. The lyricist failing at words, the singer failing at her voice, and the visual's composure breaking down.
Steeling herself Mira joined the trembling girls on the ground and found herself slowly guiding a hand to the back of the balled up woman on the floor. The raw fire of rage slowly dissipating within.
“Hey, Princess, we need you to look at us. We can get through this together, we just need you to breathe. Can you do that for us?” She takes in a deep breath and exhales hoping for Rumi to follow along.
As Mira continues the breathing practices it’s hard to tell at first but Rumi’s breathing becomes a little less frantic, a little more rhythmic, even if a little shaky. As a spark of life flickers again into the yellow and amber eyes before her, Mira feels a small knot of tension unravel in her. The other thousand knots can wait until she knows Rumi's safe.
“You back in the real world?” Zoey squeaked as quiet as possible, worrying anything louder would break the purple haired girl before her.
A small weak nod in reply was all they could get from her. The accompanying silence, that stretched for hours in the few minutes it existed, allowed Zoey's mind to work overtime, memories kept coming up of seemingly innocuous moments being put under a different light. Every half-hidden flinch as weapons were drawn, tugging at sleeves, the distancing, the refusal to be vulnerable, the bath house diversions, the-
A small choked sob stopped her spiralling as she focused back on her timid leader in front of her collapsing back in on herself.
“I'm sorry… I wanted to tell… I was scared… didn't want to lose you… she told me it wasn't safe… Celine-” Rumi stuttered out some form of explanation, but the other two tensed at the idea their own mentor had kept this hidden.
“Hey let's breathe. How about we start from the top, when did you get them?” Mira hesitantly asked, worried any word could break the already fragile emotions. The only other thing she could do was continue rubbing the back of the Rumi.
“I've… I've always had them.” Her voice was seeped in fear hoping the answer was good enough for the two.
“Then how did-”
“Born with them. My dad…demon.” The purple haired girl tried shrinking even further into herself. A smaller hand gently reached for hers and began slowly caressing it, the thumb swiping softly over the back.
“You're doing great. Now, can I ask why you've been hiding it for so long.” Zoey's voice carried itself with warmth, sinking into Rumi’s ears with a certain safety attached to it. The weight of everything was slowly catching up to the half-demon, but with that some of the heavy load was taken away with each answer, everything was slowly clearing up the tangled mess she called a head. She let out a breath she had held for far too long.
“I-I was scared. I do trust you, but maybe not all of me did. I was scared you'd leave, that I wasn't good enough, that you'd see me for the monster I am,” All hands on her tightened slightly, Mira coming even closer than she was before. “I was so close to telling you so many times, everytime you went to the bath house I wanted to tell you so I could join… But Celine always said no, that you wouldn't understand, she'd trained you too well, that it would all be over when the golden Honmoon happened. After a while her voice became my own and I started believing there wasn't a life for me until I got rid of the mistakes I was born with.”
There was a silence that permeated the room, not full of tension but of the weighted blanket of a grand revelation that covered the room. This didn't last long as a duet of tears began to fill the air. Mira and Zoey were quite impressed with how long they'd been able to hold out but the floodgates had opened as they held Rumi in their arms worried she'd fly off in the wind. Mira was able to recover first but refused to let her hold slacken.
“You are not a mistake, you don't need to be fixed. You are Rumi, that's who you always are, you get to live your life however you see fit, patterns be damned.” Each affirmation emphasised with a squeeze from the taller girl.
“And Celine can go do one for all I care. Who would raise someone to hate their own body.” The smaller of the trio squeaked through the bubbly mess of tears she had only just come down from.
Underneath the pile of limbs, Rumi allowed herself to accept the warmth they gave willingly and, maybe just once, she could actually feel these feelings she had locked away with the rest of her insecurities. They stayed like this for long enough for a second round of tears to die down before Rumi found the courage to get something off her chest. She might as well divulge her other secret now.
“I know this might not be the best time but I need to come clean about something else,” At this Mira moved to hold her at arms length, a quizzical look swimming behind her eyes. “The bath house wasn't the only thing I was avoiding. With everything going on with the hiding and the distancing I never allowed myself to get close to you. Everytime we got close I got scared and I don't want to be scared anymore. I-”
Rumi looked up into the brown eyes of Mira, there was a wave of emotion that crashed between the two. They held the gaze for what might have been a second or could have been 3 hours. There was movement to the side as Zoey shuffled round to join this unspoken conversation.
“Go on, you've got this.” Words slipped through a small smug grin, something Rumi was becoming very aware of as her eyes drifted towards the slightly parted lips.
“I… I love you. Both of you. I've felt like this for a long time but I couldn't approach you, it would have complicated things too much. But I think it might have been simpler than I thought, and maybe if you'll have me then maybe it might be fine, maybe I-”
The miniature spiral was stopped as a set of pink lips gently caught the rest of the words and settled on her own. It wasn't long but it was everything, a moment worth waiting for, as the two began to part another face invaded her sight. One with freckles gracing soft puffy cheeks, two big brown eyes with a look of longing and a glistening pair of lips curled into a loving smile. The space between them closed as soft lips met each other, a kiss that lasted seconds but stretched for hours.
“The feelings mutual.” Mira's lips were pulled into a smug smile but her eyes showed there was only love in the expression. All before shock took over as she was pulled towards Zoey as she claimed what she desired and planted their lips firmly together.
Rumi thought she was in a dream, this couldn't be happening, they've seen and are still here. More than here in fact. Zoey and Mira's eyes landed back on her with slight puzzlement.
“You alright tiger?” Mira’s eyebrow raised a little.
“Yeah I just didn't think this would happen. Could we stay like this for a little bit.” Rumi tried to ignore the flutter she felt from the new pet name.
“While I wish we could-” There's a chanting sound that seeped into the building. “We have a little problem with the Saja Boys.”
Rumi nodded and slowly stood up with a little help from the other two. Getting themselves into a better mind frame to continue the battle. They started to make their way towards Namsan tower.
“Oh and we'll talk a bit more about Jinu when we've finished this.”
Oh. Yeah.