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May Grant was a bit scared of her new college roommate. Not scared in a having the suicide helpline on speed dial kind of way, but scared of this person may be a psychopath, and in twenty years I'm going to be interviewed for some true crime podcast or documentary. At first, she just assumed it was a dark sense of humor when their suitemate, Jess, was putting together a shopping list of things she still needed for her room and asked what a good essential oil to relieve stress, and Grace, without missing a beat, said, "Chloroform."
At first, they just laughed it off, but then the comments kept happening. This incident was the last straw, though.
May, Grace, Jess, and Hannah were all in Jess and Hannah's room, helping them rearrange the bed before watching the latest episode of Dancing with the Stars, when somehow the topic turned to self-defense.
“I'm telling you glitter is one of the ultimate self-defense weapons, and if you mix it with pepper spray, it's absolutely diabolical," Grace said while pulling her hair back away from her face.
“I don't know how much damage a little bit of glitter can do… I mean, sure, it sticks everywhere, and that may help ID the person, but it's just glitter,” Hannah had said.
“No, no, no, you got it all wrong,” Grace said, gesturing with the hand that wasn't holding her hair up, “I'm sure absolutely it does help ID the guy, but first and foremost, glitter is legal everywhere. You know how many times someone has tried to confiscate my knife, taser, or pepper spray. I'll tell you. way too many times, but nobody ever goes after my box of glitter.”
“Okay, but I still don't see how-” Jess started to say from her newly lofted bed before Grae waved her off.
“You see, you mix up all the different types of glitter. Coarse glitter, medium-grit glitter, fine-powder glitter. You get ‘em all and mix ‘em together real well. The larger pieces of glitter will cause microabrasions to the corneas and eyelids, and, if they breathe any in, to the sinuses, esophagus, and lungs. Then, if you have pepper spray, you spray them because it will get into the cuts and make everything hurt a thousand times worse, but you have to do glitter first. Pepper spray and then glitter doesn't cause nearly as much damage.”
Grace had succeeded in corralling her long dark hair into a messy bun, and now that her hands were free, she was using them to enunciate her argument. It was kind of cute and reminded May of Buck. Except when Buck went on a hyperfixation rant, it was usually about whatever he and Chris had watched on the Discovery Channel, not the best way to get away with maiming a person.
“If you don't have pepper spray, which is a possibility because God forbid a girl be able to defend herself, the glitter should stun your attacker enough that you can jab your keys in his eyes or knee them in the groin so you can run away safely. And good news, he's absolutely covered in glitter, so he's easy to identify, but we're not done yet. We're playing the long game. See, there's also the fine glitter, very easy to inhale. Inhaling too much glitter can cause acute respiratory failure, pneumonia, and metal poisoning.”
“Wait, what?” Jess asked, and May was right there with her.
“Yeah, craft glitter is made of plastic and aluminum, but you can also get glitter made with a base of zinc or copper. Granted, the glitter probably won't do much just the one time unless they inhale a lot of it, but if they already have asthma or vape or smoke, they are in for a lifetime of respiratory illnesses.”
The next day, the four girls made a trip to Michael's Craft Store, where Grace shared more self-defense tips and common household items that could be used to fend off a potential attacker. Some of them May already knew courtesy of her mother, but a few she had never heard of. Jess and Hannah thought that Grace must be some kind of super, secret spy. May just thought she must have had a traumatic childhood, and it was at this moment in the middle of the checkout line that May decided to invite Grace to the 118 barbecue this weekend.
If Grace was a traumatized teenager, then helping her build a support network in LA might help her not become a murdering psychopath. Sure, Grace had mentioned having a brother nearby, but one could never have too much family, and for all May knew, the brother might be just as crazy. However, if Grace did become a murdering psychopath, then Sergeant Athena Grant-Nash would have a full profile already made. It was a win-win situation.
There was one thing May did not account for, though.
Grace Williams already knew Evan Buckley.
May and Grace were the last to arrive. Bobby had texted May right before they left, asking them to pick up extra cups and cutlery, as well as a few bags of ice. Grace didn't mind the last-minute change of plans and even laughed about it, saying that whenever her Papa had a luau, they always had to go get something, and that Thanksgiving with her Dad's family was even worse.
May still wasn't sure how Grace's family tree worked. It seemed to be some kind of blended family, but May wasn't sure how blended it was, and she was still too nervous to ask. One, because she didn't want to trigger Grace if she did turn out to be a psychopath. Two, May has had to explain her own weird family dynamics since her parents' divorce. While the task has gone from something she hated to an annoyance, it's still not something she likes to do. So for now, she just tries to piece together what she can from the little tidbits that Grace drops.
So they arrived fashionably late. Everyone was enjoying the weather outside, so May led her out back. May hadn't even gotten to announcing their arrival when she was interrupted.
“Junior!” Grace shouted, dropping her bag of ice. Buck turned, and Grace lunged at him. With a running jump, she practically tackled the taller man, wrapping her arms and legs around the blond. May had seen plenty of joyful embraces, and this was not one of them.
“Gracie,” Buck choked out as Grace's arms were pulled tight around his neck. He then twisted and threw her over his shoulder, but her grip was strong, and she ended up pulling him down with her. Whatever it was they were doing then devolved into a wrestling match. It looked like her mom was about to step in when Buck got Grace in a chokehold and started giving her a noogie.
“Agh, fine! Uncle! Uncle!” Grace shouted, wiggling around in Buck's grip.
“Ah, poor wittle Gwacie. Still can't beat me even with a surprise attack,” Buck smirked, while leaning back from his spot on the ground. Grace had stood up and was glaring down at Buck.
“It wasn't even close to a fair fight.” Even as she glared, she reached to pull Buck back into a standing position, “Who knows what kind of super serum they injected you with?” She poked his bicep as if to prove her point.
“Dah, you're just a sore loser.”
“No I'm not! You're just a freak of nature!” May could tell that Bobby and her Mom were about to intervene and, honestly, probably kick Grace out, but before they could do anything, Buck booped her on the nose while laughing. Grace tried to bite his finger, and when her death glare didn't seem to be doing anything, she decided to keep verbally poking the bear. “At least I'm still a better surfer than you!”
“Bullshit! I have way more experience than you!” Buck scowled.
“Hey, language. That's a dollar in the swear jar. Besides, experience doesn't mean talent. Also, I started learning way younger than you did, and I was taught by a pro suffer.” Grace pointed at Buck's chest before her arms seemed to take on a life of their own, waving around in a wild fashion.
“First of all, you're eighteen, and Charlie's not here, so the swear jar can go burn in a fiery furnace for all I care. Second, Kono is not a pro surfer. She almost went pro. Third, I've also surfed with Kono. In fact, I surfed with her first.” Buck went from ticking his points off on his fingers to also waving his hands around.
Grace hummed and crossed her arms. “I guess you're a decent surfer for a haole.”
Buck sputtered in indignation. “Haole- what? Pretty goo- If I'm a haole then you're a haole too!” Buck threw his hands up in the air.
“I'm a kama'aina, my license and passport say so, and even if I was, at least I don't look like a haole.” Grace looked Buck up and down as if to say, "like you."
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”
“It's just all you white people look the same,” Grace said with a shrug, and May filed that information away because Grace was kind of racially ambiguous and it wasn't something May had been comfortable asking yet, but she could now cross white off the list. Buck's jaw dropped as if lost for words, but it wasn't long before he found them again.
“What do you mean, you white people? Your mom is from the UK; you have dual citizenship! You're literally half British!” Buck shouted as his arms returned to waving around wildly. May's mom looked like she was about to step in, and Maddie looked like she was having the time of her life as she nonchalantly sipped her glass of wine.
“Still a better surfer than you,” Grace smirked at Buck.
“Fine, you know what, let's go,” Buck stomped towards the door.
“Fine,” Grace said, following after him.
“Bobby, we'll be back in an hour.”
“Two,” Grace interrupted.
“We'll be back in two hours. Don't wait up for us.” With that, the duo left, leaving the backyard suddenly devoid of life as everyone tried to process what just happened.
“Okay, is anyone as confused as me? What was that, Maddie, May?” Chimney asked, breaking the silence as he turned to look at his girlfriend and May.
“Don't worry, it's normal. They'll be back in two hours, give or take half an hour, and then your curiosity can be sated,” Maddie said, going to refill her glass.
“May?” Her mother asked, raising an eyebrow. May cringed as she thought of how to explain.
“I mean, Grace has always been… animated, but I have no clue what just happened.”
With that non-answer everyone turned to look at Maddie. The only other person who might have an answer.
“Oh no, this is the most entertaining thing that has happened in months. I'm not ruining this for myself,” Maddie said, “Evan can explain himself when he gets back.”
With that everyone tried to turn back to the normal barbeque conversations: family stuff, work stories, old memories. Though everyone was less animated than normal, they all seemed to notice tension in the air as if they were waiting for the other shoe to drop. Luckily when the boys surfaced for food they didn't seem to pick up on the adults’ anxieties. They did ask where Buck was, and when told that he had to run out and do something and would be back later, the boys were more than happy to grab their food and return to their den of video games until their favorite adult returned.
Two hours and seventeen minutes- not that May was counting- well after the food had been eaten, leftovers had been put away, and clean up had been done, the front door slammed open signalling the return of Buck and Grace.
“I mean we'll definitely do a rematch, but having bad waves isn't the excuse you think it is. Especially considering you spent the whole way bragging about your skill.” They heard Buck say as the two walked towards the group.
“Not all the waves were bad, you just stole all the good waves with your freakishly long gorilla arms.”
“I see you two have made your way back,” Bobby said with his patented disappointed dad look. Buck and Grace looked abashed. “I'm afraid we've all already eaten and put away the food, but we can get some leftovers for you guys.”
“I'm sorry Bobby. We- we got a little caught up and- we're sorry.”
“I'm sorry Mr. Nash it was very disrespectful of us to leave in the middle of your party,” Grace added from where she was tucked behind Buck.
“We'll make it up to you,” Buck added, “We'll make everyone dinner. How does pasta from scratch sound?”
Bobby raised an eyebrow at Buck's suggestion.
“Or we can make the pasta and dry it for people to use later.”
“I'm sure everyone would be happy to stay and hang out while you two slave away making food. The kitchen is yours, make sure to leave it better than you found it,” Bobby said. Grace and Buck practically fell over each other in their pursuit to get to the kitchen as fast as possible. From the living room where the rest of the 118 had relocated they could hear parts of ensuing conversation.
“Here let me see if Bobby still has some of Nonna's pasta sauce.”
“Why does your boss have Nonna's pasta sauce?”
“Nonna sent me a case, and I knew Bobby would appreciate it.”
“Nonna didn't send me any pasta sauce.”
“You live in a dorm, Grace. You don't have a kitchen.”
“Still it's the thought. Are we going to?”
“No, let's just go with basic.”
The rest of the 118 and company were looking at each other; it was as if they couldn't decide whether to ask their questions or continue listening into the conversation that was happening in the kitchen. Grace decided to take one for the team and make the first move.
“So Grace, how did you meet Buck?”
Grace looked up at May, her brows furrowed in confusion. “I told you my older brother lived in LA.”
“Buck I didn't know you and Maddie had a little sister,” May said prodding.
“Well I do, Maddie doesn't.” was Buck's confounding answer.
“Wait, how does that work?” Chimney asked from his spot by Maddie.
“Buck's adopted.”
That sent a shockwave of confusion and questions through the group, but above it all an angry and shocked question broke through.
“What? Maddie? I'm adopted?” Buck asked, right hand clenching his chest and tears welling up in his eyes. Everyone's heads swiveled to look between the two Buckley (?) siblings. Maddie took a sip from her glass.
“Shutup Evan.”
“Maddie…” Hen started to say before she was interrupted by Buck bursting out in laughter.
“I'm sorry guys. I couldn't help myself,” Buck giggled. “Oh man the looks on your guy's faces.”
“Wait, I'm so confused. What is going on?”
“My CO in the Navy emotionally and then later legally adopted me,” Buck explained. “When he started the transition to civilian life and went into the force he ended up partnered with Grace's dad, and let's just say it was love at first punch.”
“Eh maybe love at first car chase. Danno was really mad that Papa Steve stole the case from him,” Grace added with a shrug.
“Well they definitely loved each other well before either of them want to admit.”
“You were in the Navy?” Eddie asked and with the way his face scrunched up May couldn't tell if he was constipated or heartbroken.
“Yeah for about ten years,” Buck said, popping a piece of the leftovers in his mouth. “It was a smidge traumatic and my favorite coping mechanism is pretending that decade of my life did not happen.”
“And then he went and betrayed the family,” Grace said before anyone could react to Buck's concerning statement.
“I did not betray the family.”
“We are a cop family and you went and became a firefighter. I don't know how our Dads are not disappointed in you.”
“That's rich coming from you little miss I'm going to go to UCLA with my Stepdad's money instead of joining the Navy and using the GI Bill like everyone else in the family.”
“Jelouse?”
“Fuck no. I invested my college money and now I have a sweet ass retirement fund. Whatever career you want you can just go do it for the Navy.”
“Weren't you just talking about how traumatic your time in the navy was?” Hen asked.
“Yeah but I was a SEAL Gracie would be in like intelligence or JAG or a veterinarian. She doesn't have to go into combat,” Buck waved off the concerns.
“Thanks but I'll stick to my current plan. Charlie can go into the Navy.”
“Even Nahele is going into the Navy soon, you'll be the only one with no Navy stories.”
“Nahele just wants off the island before committing to the food truck industry besides Danno was never in the Navy.”
“Danno still has Navy stories though with all the crazy shit that 5-0 gets up to.”
“Man I feel like I have learned so much this afternoon and yet I still have the same amount of questions,” Chimney said leaning back in his chair.
“Well truth be told I probably will not be answering any of your questions. I only talk about my time in the Navy with my shrink and my former team,” Buck said with a hard edge in his voice. “I might talk to Eddie about it eventually since he gets it but the rest of you- Grace, what are you doing?”
Grace looked up from what she was doing at the counter when Buck interrupted his explanation. “I'm kneading the dough.”
“You're torturing it more like. That's not how you're supposed to knead pasta dough.”
“This is literally how Aunt Betty taught me how to make pasta.”
“Well don't let Nonna see you do that she'll have a heart attack and die,” Buck said, reaching over to grab the ball of dough right out of her hands.
“Whatever,” Grace pouted before stomping over to the sink. The rest of the pasta prep time was spent with sibling squabbling and nostalgic storytelling. It was all very domestic feeling and May felt herself relaxing to the sounds of her family around her. Life was perfect. Until she remembered that her room mate was actually slightly feral.
May had migrated over to Hen and Karen, and then at some point Eddie and Chin had joined them. Maddie was talking to Buck with May's mom and Bobby, and Grace… Grace was making her way over to May's group with a determined look on her face.
“You're Eddie Diaz,” Grace stated matter of factly. She looked Eddie up and down as if trying to find a fault.
“Yes, that's me,” Eddie cleared his throat. “Can I help you with something?”
“That depends,” Grace started twirling something between her fingers. At first glance it looked like a flat piece of metal, but knowing her roommate it was probably some kind of stabbing instrument that did not technically qualify as a knife. Grace switched her focus from solely Eddie to the rest of the group. She hummed in thought.
“My brother really likes you, likes this team. He's done a lot of work on his mental health and is doing better than I've seen in a while. He's a big boy who can take care of himself. Still I would hate for someone to say or do something that would damage all the hard work he's put into being okay. If you catch my drift.”
Eddie nodded and Chimney and Hen were not far behind when Grace's piercing eyes moved to them.
“Good that's good,” Grace twirled the not knife before slipping it away as if it was never there. “No one in our family likes when someone is hurt. We tend to take things to the extreme with all the trauma you know? You should ask Junior about it some time. I'm sure he has plenty of stories about our allegedly CIA agent Grandma, our super SEAL and Detective Dads, our Naval Intelligence Aunt, and our possible family connections to the Mob. We're ohana and we take that very seriously back home.”
With that final statement the dark look cleared from Grace's face and she smiled brightly at them, “I'm so glad to finally be meeting the team that Junior has talked so much about. Thank you so much for inviting me May. You guys sit tight. I'm going to get you guys some more pasta.”
Grace turned and skipped back inside while the rest of them looked on in shock and wonder.
“May your roommate is kind of scary,” Karen said, breaking the silence.
“I know, trust me I know.”