Work Text:
‘Wymack,’ Kevin said, when David opened the door.
‘You okay?’ David asked levelly, checking him up and down for obvious blood. ‘Shouldn’t you be at your secret night practice?’
‘This is more important,’ Kevin said. ‘Do you know a good tattoo artist?’
David’s eyes dropped to the number on Kevin’s cheek.
‘You understand that most artists keep business hours,’ David said.
‘It can’t wait,’ Kevin said. ‘The game is tomorrow.’
David ran his hand over his face and leaned into the doorframe. When Kevin got this expression on his face, he looked so much like his mother that it damn near broke David’s heart. His hair was the same length now that it had been when David had first met her, and framed his face in almost the same way.
What would Kayleigh think about the way David had been looking after her boy? Would she thank him for helping Kevin get an impulse tattoo against all rules of tattoo aftercare? But he was a man now, capable of his own choices, and he’d made almost none of those on his own.
‘Yeah, alright,’ David relented. ‘Sit in here a sec. I’ll make a call.’
*
Sam and David went way back, which was one of the reasons David called her. She had a habit of letting David pick up the tab, so he didn’t feel bad calling in a favour, which made for another reason. The third reason was that she had was a vegan hippie who thought that the best cure for a headache was to garden and couldn’t bring herself to take estrogen, and David had a notion maybe Kevin might need to meet someone like her. For a bonus fourth, she was very good at tattoos.
And maybe David was drawing similarities where there weren’t any (because he and Sam did go way back and that could colour a man’s perception of the world), but it wasn’t going to do Kevin any harm to see that someone could love being themself in this particular way. Nor to see David approving of someone who did.
If that even mattered to Kevin. Christ. David didn’t know what he was doing.
‘My man,’ Sam said when she answered the door, holding out her hand.
‘My girl,’ David answered, completing their secret handshake on autopilot. He withdrew a little so he wasn’t cutting of Kevin and put a hand on his shoulder. ‘This is Kevin.’
‘Oh darling, of course you are,’ Sam said, reaching for Kevin’s hands. ‘I could be looking at Kayleigh. Her hair was short like this when we met too.’
‘I know,’ David said.
‘You knew my ma?’ Kevin asked, vowels coming out all Kayleigh as well.
‘She was a terrible influence,’ Sam said in answer. ‘Come in, come in.’
Sam made them tea, talking all the while about her plants and the drama with her girlfriend and asking David why he hadn’t found someone to make an honest man of him yet (without giving him space to answer). Kevin stared into his mug instead of at Sam. He was usually so good at turning on the charm with outsiders. Must be nervous.
‘Oh, Kev,’ Sam said apologetically, noticing too. ‘I didn't think to ask how you take it, I just—’
‘No, this is perfect,’ Kevin said, looking up. Tears in his eyes. David stiffened. This wasn’t supposed to be his paygrade but he couldn’t opt out with Kevin. ‘You know how smell … they say it triggers memories. I haven't … Could be back in Dublin.’
‘Kay made me order her brand in,’ Sam said. ‘Hard to say no to your mom, and she wasn't wrong about it tasting good.’
Sam reached back into the cupboard and took down the container. She handed it to Kevin, then as an afterthought plucked a couple of bags out.
‘Tide me over till I get more,’ she smiled.
Kevin nodded and sipped his tea. ‘You make a good brew,’ he said quietly.
Sam smiled at David, who looked back at her helplessly.
‘So,’ she said to Kevin. ‘You want another tattoo.’
‘Cover up,’ Kevin said. ‘I don't want to be number two anymore.’
‘Good for you!’ Sam said. Reason number five: all good cheer and no judgement. ‘What will you be instead?’
‘Well, Riko is king,’ Kevin said. ‘But the king hides behind the other players and creeps around one square at a time. I want to be the most dangerous piece.’
‘The queen,’ Sam said, her approval looking fierce.
Kevin looked at David as if expecting to be told not to do this now that he’d revealed what he wanted. And yeah, David wasn't thrilled that Kevin was choosing to continue to define himself in opposition to Riko, but he thought Kevin would probably never be entirely free of his adoptive brother no matter what he slapped on there. And Kevin was making a choice, his own choice. He told David on the way over that Andrew didn't even know what he was doing.
And, well. David thought he had probably chosen the right artist after all.
‘Good design,’ David said. ‘You want something recognisable in a small space. Simple and iconic.’
‘People will make assumptions,’ Kevin mumbled, dropping his eyes. ‘I could be killing my career.’
‘Nah,’ David said gruffly. ‘You have the skills. They'll worship you no matter what you do. Coming back from your injury to put those bastards in their place will get more coverage than your ink.’
What he wanted to say, was that exy was a co-ed sport. That David would be in his corner no matter what. That Kayleigh believed in authenticity and would be proud of him. But that would be making assumptions.
‘You wouldn't happen to have something stronger?’ Kevin asked with a weak version of his media smile for Sam.
‘You don't want to thin your blood before you get your ink,’ Sam said. ‘We want this to come out crisp. You’re making a statement.’
That sentence did not improve Kevin’s composure.
Sam had a comfortable chair that wasn’t dissimilar to a dentist’s chair in her studio. She pulled up several different queen chess piece images for Kevin to choose from on her laptop, which he did with a shaking finger. When she went to get the print out, David eased into the stool on Kevin's unmarked side.
‘Sam’s good at this,’ David said, for lack of anything else to say.
‘I trust you,’ Kevin said.
He looked like he might throw up.
‘Small piece like this won’t take too long,’ David said. ‘You’ll be fine.’
‘I’m trying very hard not to think about it at the moment,’ Kevin said. ‘This is beyond the level where I’d be asking you to help me get through this.’
What a euphemism. David had one strategy for Kevin, which was to get him drunk. It was astonishing to watch it erase his nerves without degrading the grace of his movements or speech. It made his accent a little stronger, but it’d been softened over the years and it was always easy to understand. His image never suffered.
Behind the scenes, of course, it meant that Kevin had a dependence on alcohol that David had been directly responsible for. It was the only thing he could think that would help when Kevin was having a panic attack in David’s hotel room and wouldn’t let him even look at his mutilated hand. And then it’d been the only thing he could think of when Kevin needed to talk to Coach Moriyama on the phone to know for sure he’d been set free. And then … there was always a reason with this kid.
His kid. Kayleigh’s kid. David hoped he was right and there was no heaven, because she’d kill him a second time for how shit a job he was doing when he got up there. There was a reason she didn’t want his help in the first place.
David would have done anything to be part of that family. He could blame the standard Kayleigh set for his failure to ever find a woman he could be happy with. He would have liked to be a dad.
‘How do you think Jean will fit into the Trojans’ backline?’ he asked.
‘It’s going to be work for him,’ Kevin said, immediately falling into exy mode, stress easing. ‘The Trojans won’t let him pull any of the dirty tricks that are drilled into the Ravens. But I have faith in Jeremy. He’s not the kind of person you want to let down. I wouldn’t trust Jean with anyone else.’
‘Knox is a good kid,’ David agreed. ‘Our game was impressive. He knew that none of them were conditioned to play like us, he could have predicted the result. But they pushed damn hard.’
‘He didn’t give us the win,’ Kevin said.
‘Did I say that?’ David demanded, and Kevin’s mouth twitched. David didn’t know why Kevin liked it so much when David was an asshole, but it was sure convenient because he didn’t know how else to be. ‘He gave us a damn good fight. They’re gonna be working on endurance next year.’
‘It’ll be interesting to see how that affects their substitution strategy,’ Kevin said.
Before he could say more, Sam was back with the stamp. She made sure he was satisfied with the size and placement, then pressed it over his existing tattoo. Neat purple lines marked out where the ink would go.
‘You won’t be able to talk while I do this,’ Sam said apologetically. ‘And it’s gonna be a painful spot. You already know that. Do you want me to put something on the TV? You probably won’t be able to see it very well.’
‘You didn’t happen to tape the Foxes-Trojans game?’ David asked.
‘I tape all your games,’ Sam said. ‘I’ll put it on.’
‘Sam was a decent player, back in the day,’ David told Kevin casually. Just in case he found it interesting that a woman like her played exy. No big deal.
‘I was the worst goalie you ever had,’ Sam said, still messing with the VHS player that she insisted she would never be getting rid of. Like hell she would be giving the NCAA money to watch replays. ‘Damn it was fun though.’
‘Have you got any tapes from back then?’ Kevin asked.
Sam ejected the tape without fuss. ‘Look at this wall, I’ve got everything,’ she said lightly. ‘Yeah, let’s find a game where your coach didn’t completely disgrace himself.’
David couldn’t think of anything to say while Sam chose and loaded the tape. He wanted to make a joke maybe, or adjust Kevin’s expectations, or brag. He didn’t know whether he should say that he never got to play against Kayleigh in a televised game. In the end, he said nothing.
Sam pressed play, then grumbled at the pre-show nonsense as she fast-forwarded. She handed the remote to David to skip through the ads and settled on her stool.
‘I’m the dealer,’ David said awkwardly. ‘I’ll, uh … Correct the commentators if I need to, I guess.’
He turned the TV up, ignoring Sam’s amused smile.
‘This is gonna hurt,’ Sam said again. ‘Give the boy your hand, David, let him pass some of it on.’
David hesitated for a moment. Not because he was unwilling to give the support, but because he was unsure if it would be welcome. He told himself he would rather deal with rejection than be the one to refuse contact and held his hand out in offering. Kevin gripped it immediately.
Okay then. David lowered his forearm to Kevin’s armrest and stared at the TV.
It took an hour. Kevin couldn’t talk and needed to keep his face as still as possible, so Wymack had nothing to go off when trying to figure out how Kevin was feeling or whether he was talking too much or too little. Nothing but the occasional squeeze, which he interpreted as disagreement or sometimes agreement with what David was saying, basing it on how Kevin had responded during the winter weeks when his hand was healing and they watched old games together.
Abby had said maybe Kevin might want a break from thinking about exy, but neither Kevin nor David knew how to think about anything else. They watched movies when Abby came over. Kevin had a lot of movies to catch up on.
When Sam was done, there was still time left on the game. Catching Kevin’s expression, Sam invited them to stay until it was over.
‘Exy works better on this kid than painkillers,’ David said.
Sam looked at Kevin again, saw the intensity he was directing at the TV, and wisely chose to wait till the match was over before she expected Kevin to hear anything.
‘Keep it covered for four hours,’ Sam said, before looking at her watch. ‘Well, that’s what I would have said if you’d come at a normal time. You’re probably wanting to sleep soon. Keep it on till morning then, and wash your hands really well before you take it off. David will give you the right soap, and I’ll give you some ointment. Thin layer, okay?’
David tuned the rest of the aftercare instructions out. He’d done this before. Instead he pointed the remote and watched the tape rewind back to the start. Back when the ink on his arms was fresh and his hip didn’t ache. Back before Kevin was born, when part of him hated the way Kayleigh turned his whole life upside down every time she visited, even though it was only ever for a couple of days.
He never could have had this fragile thing that was barely starting to take shape between himself and Abby back then. David could have been on his deathbed and he still would gotten up to dance with Kayleigh if she’d stopped by. The suggestion that maybe he could have a girlfriend if he could just work up the stones to kiss her would have been forgotten if Kayleigh smiled at him.
Back in the car, David flexed his hands awkwardly on the wheel. It had gotten a lot harder to break silences with Kevin since he’d told David that he was his son.
‘So, back to campus?’ David asked.
‘Could you pull over for a mo’,’ Kevin asked, tone light and polite in a way that made David pull over immediately and a car behind them blare its horn.
Kevin opened the door, bent over without undoing his seatbelt, and threw up.
‘Fuck,’ David muttered.
He twisted awkwardly to root around in the backseat until he found a box of tissues. Abby’s doing. She said that she made it a rule to always keep tissues in a car ever since she’d sneezed into her hand on a highway once. They did come in handy from time to time.
David straightened, digging a thumb into his fucking hip to tell it to quiet down, and patted Kevin gently on the back.
‘Got tissues here,’ he said. ‘I think there’s a water bottle somewhere near your feet too.’
‘Haven’t got something stronger?’ Kevin asked, with a note of hysteria.
David drove to his apartment. It was better than dropping him to an empty dorm to see how much he could drink before the kids got back from secret practice. David had more than just the sleeves and he knew how to treat fresh ink. He didn’t drink for a month after he got something done. Didn’t work up a sweat for at least a week. Avoided knocks like it was an open wound, because that’s what it fucking was.
He poured Kevin a healthy glass of vodka and pressed it into his trembling hands. Kevin made it to the couch like a newborn fawn and sat heavily with his legs crossed and back snug in the corner. He flinched when David pressed play on his sound system, which he only did so they wouldn’t be sitting in silence.
Admittedly, Tool’s new album wasn’t exactly calming music. But that’s what was in and fuck if David was going to dick around choosing a new CD. And no child of his was going to turn his nose up at Tool.
David chose not to say that thought aloud. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed to joke about it.
Kevin looked haunted when David joined him on the couch. His glass was empty, so David topped it up.
‘So,’ David said. ‘I didn’t bullshit you, your results will always be worth more than your face, but they would have expected a bonus interview if you rocked up tomorrow with a haircut, let alone this.’
Kevin nodded jerkily.
‘Could’ve gotten a fox,’ David said. ‘Could’ve gotten the fuckin’ McDonald’s logo. I’m not saying this to be an asshole, Kevin, but they’re gonna ask tomorrow. What’s your answer?’
‘Most dangerous piece on the board,’ Kevin mumbled, staring at his glass.
‘Queen,’ David said.
Kevin didn’t answer. But at least he didn’t flinch.
‘You a fag, Day?’ David asked.
Kevin lifted his eyes to shoot a glare at David that knocked twenty-four years off his life. David gritted his teeth and didn't let it show. How dare that girl go and get herself killed and leave him to be inadequate with the image of her.
‘I don’t give a shit if you are,’ David said. ‘I give a shit what you say when someone else asks you.’
Kevin’s glare didn’t diminish.
‘Why?’ Kevin said, that breathy note to the vowel that made him sound like he’d never set foot in America. ‘You want a go? Don’t make your inability to get a girlfriend my problem.’
David’s mouth twitched up in involuntary amusement.
Kevin let his head fall into his hand with a quiet laugh.
‘It’d work better if it wasn’t you asking,’ he said.
David jostled Kevin’s shoulder in the kind of gesture men could make when they wanted to express support or affection.
‘I do give a shit,’ he said, softer. ‘I give a shit about you. I’m on your team, no matter what. You fly over to Trojans next year, I guess I’m buying a red jumper. You ask me to go to the parade, I’ll carry a flag and put glitter on my ass.’
Kevin made a choking noise. David felt something similar to what it felt like to make the kind of joke that makes people want to throw things at you, but different. Softer. Fuck, he would have loved to be a dad.
‘I mean it, kid,’ David said. ‘You don’t have to talk to me about whatever it is that’s going on in your head, but you had me in your corner even when you were in your teenage goth phase.’
‘It’s just going to make my life so much harder, is the thing,’ Kevin said, wiping the heel of his hand along the cheekbone that wasn’t covered in a bandage as he sat up straight again.
‘What’s an easy life?’ David said, shrugging a shoulder. ‘Exy’s a queer sport anyway, always has been. Was the girls at first, that old joke about lesbians and sport, probably kept being true because they had pictures of your mom on their wall—sorry, I don’t know why I said that, Jesus Christ.’
At least Kevin looked as amused as he was incredulous.
‘And you know,’ David said, aware on some level that he was just digging the hole in a new direction instead of stepping out of it with grace, ‘I've fooled around with dudes before. It doesn't have to be a big deal. Didn't even realise I wanted to until Sam kindly made me a compilation video of every time I kissed my male teammates on the mouth in celebration. It was a freeing realisation. Had a great weekend following that. I'm going to stop talking now, how about you do some talking instead.’
David threw back his vodka and topped both of them off. Kevin took a grateful gulp, but he wasn’t looking as shaky as he had been. He had an expression to him that made David decide to exercise some of that patience he pretended not to have. (With his foxes? Saints had less patience.)
Eventually, Kevin brushed his hair out of his face and spoke.
‘I’ve been with women,’ he said. ‘I haven’t been with men.’
David kept himself from asking, ‘Really? Not even Minyard?’ That truly wasn’t his business. He had chanted that to himself at least once a week since Kevin had joined stepped onto the court in orange with a tiny bodyguard.
‘I’m sensing a “but”,’ he said instead.
‘I mean,’ Kevin said, his gaze skating to the coffee table. ‘I know Andrew doesn’t see me that way. I didn’t realise Andrew even liked men, but he just doesn’t like my kind of broken. I get why. He’d rather die than feel like he was taking advantage. But the way he treats me is …’
‘It does invite a certain kind of assumption,’ David said, as casually as he could.
‘Right!’ Kevin said, sounding relieved. ‘It’s possessive, right? But Andrew is like that with all of us he considers family.’
‘Weirder with you,’ David said.
‘I wasn’t sure if I was imagining that,’ Kevin said.
‘Nope,’ David said.
‘Okay,’ Kevin said, nodding seriously. ‘Is Neil weird with me too? Or—’
‘Yup,’ David said.
‘Well,’ Kevin said, letting out a big breath. ‘It’s not like that changes anything, but I’m glad to know I’m not fucking insane.’
David laughed, which made Kevin laugh, though in the same way someone at the very end of their rope might.
‘They haven’t stopped being weird about you, for the record,’ David said. ‘I think that would probably be a first for public exy players. Out in the open, anyway. But there’s gay players, bi, trans, whatever. Some routes, sure—Sam’s route, you know—that’s pretty unavoidably public knowledge. She got a boob job, it was pretty obvious. And that kid over at the Trojans, same problem, different bathroom. Not a problem. You know what I mean. But most players can have relationships with whoever the fuck they like without it making the news, especially after they retire.’
Kevin looked at David with those big green eyes of his.
‘The route of getting a queen tattooed on your cheek is the kind of thing that invites a bit of scrutiny. You could wave a lot of it off. But you wouldn’t have to.’
David took a sip of vodka, very aware he was doing more talking than he wanted.
‘Be a good “fuck you” to those repressed jackasses, in a way,’ he said, off-handed. ‘Wouldn’t be the first person who chose to come out loud and proud instead of keeping it low-key out of spite. Hell, look at how Hemmick introduced himself to the team.’
‘I wasn’t there for that,’ Kevin said.
‘There was a rainbow muscle tee involved,’ David said, squeezing the bridge of his nose. ‘I get the logic. Better to be upfront than get caught by bigots after they’ve had reason to feel vulnerable about it.’
Kevin smiled a crooked, admiring smile. ‘You’re not wrong. Riko’s incredibly homophobic.’
He held out his glass, smile losing its legs one by one. His hand shook.
‘You can do this,’ David said, refilling the glass. He set his own down so he’d be able to drive if Kevin wanted to go back to the dorm. ‘Hey, look at me. You can do this. Prove to Minyard you’re not that kind of broken, see if it doesn’t drag a smile out of him.’
Kevin laughed high and shrill, narrowly avoided spilling his vodka down his front and held his glass out again. David knew he shouldn’t. But Kevin could cope better tomorrow if he slept tonight. Kevin was strong, so long as he vented this part out. He poured.
‘I was his,’ Kevin said. ‘A pet. A thing. For a boy who pulled wings off butterflies. He still thinks I’m going back. He does, I know it. He doesn’t think there’s anything in the world that could stop me from being his. He was willing to indulge me in this, or his version of willing, but he thinks I’m going back.’
‘But you’re not,’ David said.
‘No,’ Kevin breathed. ‘No, I won’t.’
‘Not even if he asked, now.’
‘No,’ Kevin mouthed.
David filled Kevin’s glass again.
‘You’re walking onto that court with your racquet in your left hand and denying that you were ever second to that lowlife,’ David said. ‘Held held exactly as high as if you were wearing that crown on your head.’
Kevin met David’s eyes like a drowning thing clutching at a lifeline.
‘We all knew, kid. Anyone with eyes could see past you handing him assists instead of taking the goals. We could see that you were faster, more precise. You’re a real cunt on that court, you know?’
Kevin nodded.
‘No one has done what you have done. Not in any sport, never mind exy. You took a lifetime, an actual fucking lifetime of training, and flipped it. And you’re better than half of them playing right-handed, but you’re fucking peerless when you’re unleashed.’
‘Unleashed,’ Kevin said, with a hungry look in his eyes.
‘Fuck ‘em,’ David said.
‘Fuck ‘em,’ Kevin agreed, toasting David.
David looked at how low the vodka bottle had gotten and decided it was time to call it a night. He snagged a CD from his study before folding Kevin into his passenger seat. They were only a few minutes from Fox Tower. Enough time to pump Kevin up enough to make it upstairs on his own steam before he passed the fuck out.
Now dance, fucker, dance, man, he never had a chance
And no one even knew it was really only you
And now you steal away, take him out today
Nice work you did, you're gonna go far, kid