Work Text:
This is minimal effort yall have fun. Came up with it while sick off my ass. Enjoy my fever dream
•So Danny is in gotham with his parents for a ghost hunting conference and he's like 14 and he meets 15y/o Jason right before he dies
•They have a small week long fling, lose their virginitys to each other, and go on with their lives. They dont expect to meet again
•A month later Danny really isnt feeling well and goes to a meta friendly clinic out of town. They tell him he's pregnant. He tells them that he was born with a dick. They shrug
•When asked about the father Danny mumbles something on not knowing how to even contact him, googles Jason's name, and finds the death announcement
•Danny immediately breaks down
-early in his pregnancy danny visits Jason's grave and just talks
-talks about how he doesnt really know him. How it was just a fling
-thanks him for showing him a good first time while heavily implying that there's something more he's referencing
-solely just for Bruce, dick, or Alfred to overhear and be confused over. They drop it as it's obviously personal and not something they want to know about Jason's life
•Now he's even more of a weirdo Fenton but he somehow manages to keep ghosts away from the discussion of his miraculous pregnancy. His dad can bust through walls like the kool-aid man, of course he has the meta gene!
•the sex-ed teacher gleefully uses him as an example for abstinence based birth control
•his doctor at the clinic looks at the ghost yeti who they have to work with to ensure their patient's and child's health and barely blinks. This isnt the first time they've consulted with a colleague from another dimension
•kid 1 is born and he is frantically baby proofing the house while preparing for any possible powers they might have
•probably gets permission to take his kid with him to school cause nobody trusts his parents. They get it
•goes absolutely feral on the first rogue that even glances at his kid as both phantom and fenton
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Friend: Yes I love protective Danny. A ghost just happens to glance at the kid and is about to actually like compliment something but Danny is already beating their face into the earth
Friend: Lmao does Danny reveal some of his ectoplasm based powers because of exposure or does he just let people assume that his meta gene is mpreg
Me: Oh they think his meta gene is mpreg 100 percent
Me: Any ghost powers are obviously a Fenton invention that he made in a protective haze
Me: You think the guy who fist fought undergrowth didnt make a gadget to make his kid intangible to physical threats?
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•Kid 2 Danny is about 16. He's had a year to recover from pregnancy and meets this new guy in town. He somewhat reminds danny of Jason, but he only really knew him for a week. It's not a strong resemblance
•despite using protection for the hookup he's pregnant again and the guy is already gone. And apparently the name he gave doesn't exist!
•it was just supposed to be one night of fun and no responsibilities!
•repeat of preparing for the baby with people making fun of him for getting knocked up again
•researches what power or quirk of biology caused this and invents condoms meant to counteract that. Sells the patent
•starts to seriously look into moving out and making other inventions for passive income
•looks at trying to delegate his work with sabotaging his parents and fighting ghosts
•surprise team up with a giw agent to permanently shut down his parents portal. They're completely drinking the giw kool-aid but has a singular braincell and thinks that an open portal to a malicious entities home is not a good idea
•his parents are legally blocked from continuing their research. They figure out danny was behind it and there's a massive family blowout that leads to the whole town finding out
•general assumption that danny finally snapped and trashed his parents life's work cause it endangered his kids. They saw him beat down overgrowth with his barehands for /looking/ at his kid. It's in character
•danny has invented whatever is needed for him and his kids to get their daily ectoplasm needs without the risks of ghost attacks
•Jason was in town on assignment for the loa. There's these 2 doctors researching something that looks like Lazarus water. He puts in the seeds of his parents work needing to be destroyed during the hookup and lies in his report back. Says that it was a false alarm
•looks at the amity local news a couple of months later to see the fall out. Considers it a mission completed and doesnt find out about his kids
•there's just no reason for him to suspect and he's probably not the most sane minded right now. He has absolutely clocked Danny as Phantom and has decided that the league should not know about that
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Friend: Oh damn back to back kids
Me: I did say it was a Crack au
Friend: Fair fair fair
Friend: Okay but does Jason still know it’s Danny?
Me: Yeah he does. Thats why he ends up sleeping with him while on the loa mission
Me: Just a "oh that was a fun time. I remember him being nice and it'd be a no strings attached thing. Looks like he met some girl right after"
Friend: « Looks like he met some girl right after » Jason noooo
Friend: Or what if kid1 has red hair like Jazz and Jason asumes the kid is Jazz’s and Danny doesn’t talk about his kid that night because he wants a night free of being a dad
Me: A strong contender
Friend: Jason picking up Danny: hello
Jazz holding kid1: hello?
Danny: ohlookafthetime lets skedaddle
Jason: your family seems nice?
Danny: mhm yeah
Basically Jason sees his kid but no one knows he’s the dad
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•Kid 3 and Danny is in gotham touring colleges. There aren't really any good daycares close to the university, so not now. But maybe during grad school when his kids are older? They should be in elementary school by then
•He doesnt have his kids with him and decides to check out a local club
•starts walking home (not drunk cause under 21) and runs into Red Hood
•they flirt, feel a connection, and decide to have some fun
•a few weeks later danny screams in frustration because he used the birth control THAT HE INVENTED
•decides that he is NOT telling the unstable crime lord about his child nope not at all
•realizes that felt some sort of undead vibe from red hood and spends months inventing a condom for supernatural bullshit
•he throws the patents at the person he sold the previous condom patent to and they die laughing
•it gets justice league dark reviewed and approved. THIS is what he gets known for in the magical/supernatural circles.
•Eventually gets known as a dab hand for ghost stuff but is primarily focused on school and raising his kids
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Friend: JLD: hmmm this seems like undead ghost shit. Have you talked to the ghost condom guy yet?
Danny: leave me alone I’m busy. Also that sounds like a poltergeist. But leave me alone I’m busy
~~~~~~
•kid 4 Danny has come to gotham for his graduate degree
•his youngest is a year away from elementary and he can get away with bringing one kid to class occasionally
•has accidentally stumbled into being an expert on safe meta and supernatural sex but is determined to have a career dealing at least somewhat with space. Just because he can't be an astronaut doesn't mean he can't be an engineer!
•meets this really great guy, feels like he's known him most of his life, named Todd Peter's
•they take it slow and before they take the next step Danny reveals something important
•"I'm not going to ask for the details, but I can tell you're some kind of undead and I have to tell you how that might affect us being together"
•"one of my meta powers is to get pregnant while being a cisgender man. I have 3 kids despite using protection all but once. I have invented condoms solely so I don't get pregnant, and they have worked for me with other undead people, but the chance is not 0."
•something rings at the back of Jason's head at that but he doesn't put the pieces together yet
•they sleep together and it's the sweetest and most intimate of anytime Danny's ever had sex
•the next day Jason slowy starts to put the pieces together and at first it's ridiculous. /Maybe/ the first one is his kid
•but then he meets the other 2 and they look just like him
•he secretly runs a DNA test and danny finds out he's pregnant again
•shenanigans ensue
Basically Jason is anxious at suddenly being the father of 4. Like he knew his boyfriend had 3 kids and he was planning on stepping up and being a good stepdad, but this is a whole other level of freak out. His family and friends will never let him live it down. It becomes known that he's each of the ghost condom guy's baby daddies. Theyre all just him
Danny is eventually informed that yes, Jason is actually all of these guys he's slept with. That Danny isn't the problem, Jason just has some super zombie sperm. In another fit of frustration he drags Jason and the entirety of jl dark into researching whatever the fuck is up with them to develop some working birth control. Months after the birth of kid 4 they test it out. A month later the pregnancy test comes back negative. Danny rejoices
Bonus: long after they're all "dead" and the bats identities are known someone writes a book about it
Danny immediately haunts them
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Me: There crack au done have fun
Friend: I’m laughing way too hard this is great
Friend: They should have an oopsie kid5 like 10+ years after kid4 because their ectoplasm adapted and wants to be together so badly or someth idk
Me:I dont know which time but one of the times he got pregnant he definitely topped
Friend: Oh for sure
Me: Hold up
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Bonus after the Bonus
Jason: *getting their youngest ready for school*
Jason: "Do you have your knife? Your gas mask, your thermos, your emergency rations, emergency tracker, your phone, your wallet, and joker gas cure?"
Kid 4: "Yeees pops. I also have my school supplies too" *rushes to the bus*
Jason: "Have fun at school during your birthday! Hit the big ten O today!"
Danny: *storms in from around the corner* "JASON PETER TODD WAYNE!" *throws a pregnancy test at his face*
Aaaaand cut. Role to credits. Hope you enjoyed this! First fic I've posted in nearly a decade and it's this.....