Chapter Text
NOT Ilya Rozanov’s wags
+1 xxx -xxx-xxxx has been added to the chat
Alice:
Hi Jane! Welcome to the groupchat of all people Ilya Rozanov has hooked up with more than once ;)
Svetlana:
Hello, Jane.
Mia:
Welcome Jane 🥳🥳
+1 xxx -xxx-xxxx has left the chat
+1 xxx -xxx-xxxx has been added to the chat
Jane:
I haven’t hooked up with Rozanov.
How did you get this number?
Juliette:
Girl don’t lie to us rn
Natalya:
Svetlana stole your number from Ilya’s phone
Jane:
Oh.
He didn’t give out my number?
Svetlana:
Ilya’s been very secretive about you.
I’ve been curious about this Jane he’s been texting for years now
Alice:
We’re all so excited to talk to you!! We all thought Svetlana was his only regular hookup
+1 xxx -xxx-xxxx has left the chat
+1 xxx -xxx-xxxx has been added to the chat
Juliette:
Babe don’t even bother trying
I could do this all day
Mia:
Maybe introductions would make this easier
Juliette:
Right… I’m Juliette
I’ve hooked up with Ilya 3 times in Ottawa
Natalya:
Natalya. Hooked up 3 times in Tampa.
Mia:
My name is Mia :) Im from New york, we hooked up twice
Alice:
Alice!! Hooked up with him twice in Toronto
Svetlana:
Nice to meet you, Jane. I am Svetlana. Ilya’s friend, but sometimes we fuck.
Mia:
Shauna’s in this chat too but she’s not super active since she works nights. She hooked up with Ilya twice in Buffalo.
Jane:
I guess I’m stuck here…
I’m Jane. I hook up with Rozanov whenever we’re in the same city.
Mia:
That’s how he is with all of us lol
It is weird though… he doesn’t usually give out his number though
Jane:
Oh? How did you guys make this groupchat then?
Mia:
We owe it all to Svetlana, our founder and captain 🫡
Alice:
We love you Svetlana!!
Mia:
It’s this whole system lol after he hooked up with me for the second time he asked if I wanted to be added to the groupchat and when I said yes he gave me Svetlana’s number
Jane:
That’s a lot just to avoid giving out his number…
Natalya:
He thinks the existence of a group chat with all his repeat hookups is the funniest thing ever
He was laughing when he asked me if I wanted to be in it
Jane:
I’m shocked there aren’t more of you with the reputation he has.
Svetlana:
He does not usually do repeats
I wanted to meet who is worthy
Mia:
Lucky is more like it
We all just happened to be in the right place at the right time 🤷♀️
Juliette:
That’s why Svetlana is our queen
Svetlana:
Was*
I think Jane will dethrone me
Mia:
Tea?
👀
Jane:
We’re just casual I swear!
I’m not dethroning anyone.
Juliette:
Honey, we're all casual.
Him giving his number to you is not.
Jane:
It was for convenience!
Mia:
If that’s what helps you sleep at night…
Jane:
Juliette, you’re from Ottawa right?
Juliette:
Subtle deflection.
But yes, why?
Jane:
I was born in Ottawa!
Parlez-vous français?
Juliette:
Oui! Je parle français.
Enfin quelqu'un d'autre qui parle français!
Jane:
Rozanov se moque-t-il aussi de toi pour ça?
Juliette:
Non... c'est en fait ce qui l'a poussé à coucher avec moi.
Natalya:
Not sorry to interrupt but… what's going on here?
Juliette:
Oh like you and Svetlana don’t have conversations in Russian all the time.
Jane over here was just telling me that Ilya makes fun of her for speaking French?
Alice:
Really? I thought he was into you speaking French?
Juliette:
He was! He gets really turned on when I speak it during sex
Jane:
But he always makes fun of my “perfect” accent!
Mia:
That sounds a bit more like flirting to me…
Jane:
Oh. Maybe I should try speaking French next time I see him?
Alice:
Go for it girl!
Svetlana:
Hold on
How long have you been seeing Ilyusha?
Jane:
Uhm a while.
Mia:
A while is crazy
Give us a rough estimate at least!
Jane:
5 years.
Mia:
Holy shit??
Juliette:
Oh mon Dieu
Svetlana:
Jane
What do you look like?
Jane:
Uhm
I have brown hair and freckles?
Svetlana:
Alice and Mia do too
And Juliette speaks French like you
Alice:
OMG he’s hooking up with people who remind him of Jane
Jane:
That’s ridiculous he wouldn’t do that.
I think he just has a type.
Mia:
And that type is you!
Jane:
He doesn’t like me like that
Svetlana:
I’ve seen his face while he texts you
He blushes. He has never blushed for anyone else before.
Jane:
It’s not like that for us.
It can’t be.
Can we just talk about something else?
Juliette:
Ok..
Alice:
Oh I know! Can we make Jane take the test?
Mia:
Omg yeah she definitely should
Do you think she would be able to convince Ilya to take it too
Natalya:
Impossible! Svetlana couldn’t even do it.
Svetlana:
I think she has a chance
Jane:
What are we talking about?
A test? I’m not prepared to take a test!
Alice:
Don’t worry, it's not an actual test.
It’s like one of those personality quizzes, but for your kinks!
Mia:
We’ve all taken it
You’re one of us now, you have to!
Juliette:
And hopefully convince Roz to take it too.
Jane:
I’m not really kinky, but I guess I’ll take it.
I'll ask Rozanov to do it too, but no promises.
Alice:
Yay!! Here’s the link
https://bdsmtest.org
Mia:
Answer honestly!
Lily
Jane:
Rozanov.
Can you do something for me?
Lily:
Hmm I can not fly to Montreal to fuck you right now
Will have to settle for texting
Jane:
Not what I meant!
Take this test and send me your results.
https://bdsmtest.org
Lily:
And what do I get for doing this?
Jane:
I’ll suck you next time we meet?
Lily:
No you will do that anyway.
You are slut to have mouth around my cock.
Jane:
Fuck off.
Please?
Lily:
I’m not convinced.
Jane:
Please Rozanov.
I’ll send you my results too.
And I’ll wear my glasses in bed?
Lily:
Ok deal.
I will do your boring test.
So sexy when you beg Hollander
Jane:
Just take the test.
Read
NOT Ilya Rozanov’s wags
Jane:
I convinced him! He’s taking it right now.
Mia:
Damn girl
You’ve got him on a leash.
Natalya:
I’m sorry for doubting you 🫡
Svetlana:
I knew he would do it.
Alice:
Good job! Now go take the test girl
Jane:
Right.. on it!
Lily
Jane:
Are you done?
Lily:
Almost.
English is stupid language.
Jane:
I don’t think this test is really accurate
Lily:
Oh?
Show me results.
Jane:
No.
You first.
Lily:
Showing me was part of deal, no?
Jane:
Fine.
Results from bdsmtest.org:
98% Submissive
90% Brat
87% Primal (Prey)
80% Degradee
65% Rope bunny
50% Experimentalist
45% Vanilla
9% Slave
3% Dominant
Lily:
I see what you mean when you say test is not accurate.
A whole 3% dominant? Is lie.
Jane:
Oh fuck off asshole.
Show me yours.
Lily:
I am not done yet.
I see how you are brat now.
Degradee is interesting. I did not know that.
Will keep in mind 😉
Jane:
A lot of words for someone who won’t show me his results.
Lily:
Relax. I am done now.
Results from bdsmtest.org:
98% Dominant
93% Brat tamer
89% Primal (Hunter)
80% Degrader
78% Rigger
77% Exhibitionist
75% Experimentalist
56% Owner
53% Voyeur
40% Vanilla
Jane:
Oh
Exhibitionism? We’re hockey players, that’s so risky!
Lily:
Calm down Hollander. Nothing will happen.
Where did you find such a test anyway?
Jane:
A friend sent it to me.
Lily:
A friend? Hayden Pike sent this to you?
Jane:
Fuck off asshole. I have other friends.
Lily:
No you do not.
Who?
Jane:
Not saying
🖕
NOT Ilya Rozanov’s wags
Jane:
I’m done.
Results from bdsmtest.org:
98% Submissive
90% Brat
87% Primal (Prey)
80% Degradee
65% Rope bunny
50% Experimentalist
45% Vanilla
9% Slave
3% Dominant
Results from bdsmtest.org:
98% Dominant
93% Brat tamer
89% Primal (Hunter)
80% Degrader
78% Rigger
77% Exhibitionist
75% Experimentalist
56% Owner
53% Voyeur
40% Vanilla
The second one is Rozanov’s results.
Mia:
Oh girl you guys are compatableee
Alice:
Jane you’re officially one of us now!
Svetlana:
Huh. Good job, Jane.
Natalya:
3% dominant? Yeah I don’t believe that.
Jane:
Funny. Rozanov said the same thing 😒
Juliette:
Who knew Ilya was into degradation? He’s been nice every time I’ve been with him.
Jane:
Same, he always praises me.
Though he said he would “keep in mind” that I got 80% Degradee
He’s definitely going to use this against me, why did I agree to take this test again?
Mia:
Because you lovee us
Jane:
I suppose it is kind of nice to have people to talk to Ilya about.
Alice:
We love you girl!
Mia:
We’re always down to hear the juicy details 😉
Natalya:
I second that
Juliette:
Me too. Always here for my fellow french speaker!
Jane:
Thanks :)
Shauna:
Oh my god I missed so much.
Welcome Jane!! Glad to finally meet you
Ayy a fellow sub 🫡
Mad respect for getting Ilya to take the test, he must be down bad lmao