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Aaron Hotchner was a stoic man. Most people would describe him as a “cold-looking”, and it was true, he tended to keep all of his emotions hidden deep inside, not meant to ever be seen. So even when everything in his world crumbled down to pieces, he did what he knew the best — he worked. Aaron returned to Quantico too soon. Everyone knew it, but no one dared to speak. And the team tried, mostly all of them gave some hints, as they knew better than to try to dismiss Hotch’s decision.
If he slept, it didn’t show. There were the minute differences — the half-second delay before Aaron answered a question, the faint shadows under his eyes, his jaw was clenching even tighter than usual. Everyone noticed, they were profilers after all, but no one knew what to do. They decided to let the man handle it by himself, as it seemed like the only appropriate way for Hotch.
Spencer didn’t want to agree with that.
Aaron Hotchner was a reserved man, a strict leader, but he was always there for the team. Whenever anyone had a hard time with a case — he was there, whenever they needed help in their personal lives — he supported them. Spencer remembered how whenever he struggled with a case, usually it was cases that involved kids or wildflower teens, Aaron lingered by his side — a steady presence he could rely on.
When he struggled with his dilaudid addiction, Spencer was sure no one actually knew what was going on. But then Aaron told him he should go back to the support group meeting he wasn’t able to finish, he realized that someone indeed knew. And now the young genius was determined to help Aaron back.
It was long past the time everyone left home, the building quieted, the lights were off, except the bullpen and the Unit Chief’s office.
Spencer knocked gently before peeking inside. “Do you need help with geographic cross-referencing?” he’d ask, holding a file he didn’t need help understanding.
Aaron would glance up, eyes assessing. “It’s fine, Reid. You don’t have to stay.”
“I know.” Spencer answered simply, already getting comfortable in the free chair. They worked in silence, but not a heavy one that weightens on your head, but rather a calming, unrushed one. Most of the days they began leaving together.
One evening they were both working on the paperwork once again, though truly Aaron didn’t pay as much attention as he should. It was the day when he finally started talking. Spencer always listened like it mattered.
“Sometimes I feel like I’m hiding behind all this work.” Hotch’s voice was low, like it was not more than just a thought out loud, but Spencer didn’t miss it. “Some days I stay late in the office, doing the work I know could wait until tomorrow, instead rushing home to Jack.”
“It’s not something you should beat yourself up for. Grief is still fresh for you and your brain tries to deal with it by holding onto the most stable thing that you have at the moment.”
Aaron watched him, frowning like he did most of the time. Reid, without knowing where he should look, stared back. “Jack loves you no matter what and he knows that you’re here, doing your best to help people.”
Hotch chuckled. “I chose this job,” he said quietly. “Every time.”
The admission felt heavier than any confession. Spencer swallowed, not sure what to say. “You chose to protect people,” he replied. “Including Jack. And no matter what, you still come back to spend time with him every single day. So don’t beat yourself up, you also deserve to feel.” Aaron didn’t respond immediately, but Reid could see he considered his words. He didn’t shut down either, and that mattered.
After this talk, Spencer decided there was one more thing he could do for Hotch. During lunch, when two men stood side by side in a buffet-like restaurant, choosing what to eat, Spencer offered carefully, “If you ever need help with Jack, I could.”
Despite a popular belief, Spencer rather liked kids and was considerably good with them. Children always said what was on their mind, not trying to veil it with sarcasm or some secret senses. And they were actually interested in his physics magic.
Aaron’s jaw tightened instinctively. “I can manage.”
“I know,” Spencer said immediately. “I am so sorry it came out this way, but I just thought… sometimes support is logistical.” Hotch suddenly felt bad. Of course Reid didn’t mean to doubt him. Reid, that was nothing but helpful this past few weeks.
Two Saturdays later, Aaron found himself standing in a museum watching Spencer kneel beside Jack, explaining how pterosaurs differed from true dinosaurs with animated enthusiasm. The boy’s eyes were glued to Spencer, following every move of his finger as he pointed to the particular part of the model he talked about.
This was probably the first time Aaron felt something fragile ease inside his chest. Watching his son smiling and laughing so bright, like Hotch didn’t remember him doing for so long. And it was his coworker — or would it be more fitting to call him his friend — that made him smile like that.
This outing definitely wasn’t the last time Reid spent his time with Jack. When Aaron noticed his son struggling with some school assignments, it didn’t surprise him much. He knew that it could be expected after everything the boy was through, Jack was still holding surprisingly well. Luckily, Aaron remembered Spencer’s offer and decided to hold him to that.
The next evening, they left work together, but instead of dropping Reid off at his apartment, they drove together to Hotchner's house. They greeted Jessica at the front door as she left, before going inside.
Jack sat at the kitchen table, scribbling something in his notebook, his face not filled with much enthusiasm. But when he spotted two figures in the hallway, his eyes sparkled. The boy jumped off the chair, immediately rushing to greet Spencer.
“Spencer! I didn’t know you were coming! Will you tell me about the brontosaurus?”
“Hey, buddy,” Spencer mimicked the boy’s bright smile, giving him a high five. “I sure will, but first, your dad told me there’s some more important things we have to do.” The man watched with a smile how Hotch picked up his son, hugging him tightly, before carrying him back to his place in the kitchen.
“So, why don’t you tell me about all these difficult numbers right there?”
“I don’t like math,” Jack pouted. “There’s so many numbers and I don’t know what I should do with them.”
“You know, math can be quite cool. Adults use math all the time, and you can do too, like to count how much money you need to save to buy a new toy, or to count how many dinosaurs you know. But it’s okay to sometimes get confused with all those numbers.” Spencer took a seat beside Jack, leaning closer to take a better look at his notes. “Here, what about I help you with your task and for every example that you do, I will tell you a cool fact about any dinosaur of your choice?”
“Deal!” Jack grabbed his pen, now looking much more enthusiastic than he did before. Aaron watched them fondly for a few minutes, before leaving the boys alone to go get changed. Now dressed in a simple t-shirt and sweatpants, he started preparing dinner, half-listening to Reid excitedly telling about velociraptor, unlike shown in movies, being about the size of a turkey and likely having feathers. It felt so domestic, and what scared him a bit, so right.
Just as he was adding meatballs to the pasta, Spencer and Jack started clapping, signaling the successful finish of the homework.
“You did so great, Jack! Now you’re a math master!” Spencer looked back at Hotch before standing up. “I’ll be leaving now, enjoy your dinner.”
But as he was leaving, Hotch caught his wrist gently, holding him in place. “Stay, please. I would like your company, I mean, we would.” Aaron let go of his wrist, but was still giving him a hopeful smile and Spencer was a weak man.
That’s how they ended sitting around the table, and Aaron must admit it was the best evening he had in years. Being with Spencer was easy, he filled every pause with a random fact out of millions he had in his brilliant head, he was attentive with Jack and made him smile, and maybe Hotch as well.
But however pleasant this evening was, it made Aaron face some feelings he didn’t dare to admit. Haley was his high school sweetheart, one and only true love. They were divorced for a few years already, and yes, Hotch’s love for her changed, but now, after her passing, it felt like dishonoring her memory. And Aaron was scared that a soft trembling of the heart he felt whenever Spencer was around — a brush of hands, every soft smile — reminded him too much of what he felt for Haley all those years ago.
Aaron began noticing things he had no right to notice — the curve of Spencer’s mouth when he concentrated, the way his sweater sleeves slipped over his hands, the cadence of his voice when he grew excited.
It was too fast, too wrong. So he had to shut it down immediately.
Reid was too young, brilliant. Reid deserved lightness. Unscarred by divorce, widowhood and every horrible thing that weightened on him every day. Not a man who woke at 3 a.m. from dreams he never spoke about.
Their work was another thing. Aaron had built his career on integrity. The idea of compromising that — of anyone thinking he had influenced Spencer’s position or career — was intolerable.
So even if it made almost every cell in his body ache, he put distance between them. Aaron kept reassuring himself that it was for the best. He shortened their conversations, aware to keep them strictly professional. Closed the office door if he stayed late, not to be disturbed. Offering rides only if it was extremely necessary.
He was dumb to think that Reid wouldn’t notice. Spencer noticed immediately. At first, he let it slide, thinking that it was Aaron’s grief taking over. But whenever he tried to guide the conversation into this direction, it was like hitting the dead end. Had he overstepped with Jack? Stayed too late? Spoken too personally?
With every passing day, Reid's eyes filled with more sadness each time they landed on Hotch. And Aaron couldn’t handle it — the man looked like a puppy that was thrown out on the streets. The team started giving them looks. Morgan desperately tried to make Reid talk, trying to figure out the reason for his mopping. Rossi was another story, he kept quiet, but whenever Aaron let himself look at Spencer for too long, he always could feel Rossi’s attentive gaze following him.
Spencer played by his rules — he attempted distance in return. But the result felt catastrophic. The absence of Aaron’s quiet presence hit him harder than he expected. It took three sleepless nights for Spencer to identify the pattern in his own behavior. He missed Aaron. And what made him catch his breath — it wasn’t professionally, not platonically. The realization hit like gravity.
He was in love.
Spencer Reid, who had analyzed love as a neurochemical reaction and evolutionary drive, who had never prioritized relationships over work — had fallen, quietly and completely, for his unit chief. He sat on his couch staring at the wall for a full hour after the conclusion formed.
“Oh,” he said to the empty room.
Aaron lasted twelve days.
Twelve days of pretending that the tightening in his chest when Spencer walked into a room was manageable. Pretending that his heart didn’t break into pieces each time he met his sad eyes.
It wasn’t his own feelings that made him break. It was Spencer. He started it all to let Spencer go, to set the genius free, but it seemed like all his efforts only hurt the boy. He deserved closure and it’s the least Hotch could give him.
On Tuesday afternoon, he walked out of the office, heading to Spencer’s desk. The man was spinning in his chair, tapping the pencil in his hand on his desk, hair falling into his eyes as Reid was lost deep into his thoughts. The urge to touch him — to anchor him physically in the space between them — was overwhelming. Aaron approached him carefully, partly not to spook him, and partly to get his own thoughts into the order.
“Reid, if you’re free this evening, I would like to invite you for dinner.” Hopeful eyes looked up at him, chocolate irises shining brightly.
Spencer blinked. “I—what?”
“I thought we might need to talk.” He studied Reid’s confused face for a minute, before the man finally nodded, silently returning back to his papers. Aaron couldn’t miss the tingling inside his chest.
Jack was spending the night at Jessica’s, as Aaron wasn’t sure how long their conversation would take. They drove silently to the small Italian restaurant Aaron wouldn’t admit he chose because it was one of Spencer’s favorites. The place also provided enough privacy for their delicate topic.
Sitting face-to-face with Spencer was almost painful, his whole body was on nerve in anticipation of what he was about to say. “You deserve honesty,” Aaron began. Spencer’s pulse roared in his ears.
“My feelings toward you have changed.” Aaron’s voice remained steady through force of will alone. “That is not appropriate. And I have no intention of acting on it.”
The words struck Spencer harder than he expected. “But why not?” That made Aaron finally meet his eyes.
“Spencer, listen, none of this is your fault. Trust me, you deserve so much better. You deserve a fresh start with someone more appropriate for you.”
“What do you even mean by that?” Spencer stopped him.
“You’re young and brilliant, and I’m a widower with a son. Not to mention the power dynamic that is involved. I have no right to hold you back.”
“Aaron,” Spencer sighed, calling his boss by his first name felt a bit unusual, but he decided it was more suitable for their conversation. “You think too low of yourself. We all have our own past, and mine isn’t perfect as well. You have no right to tell me whom to want. I don’t care that you are older, I don’t care that you have a past, and you’ve never used your authority unfairly.”
“It’s not a point.” Hotch’s voice was low and he didn’t dare to look up. “You can’t prove it to everyone at work.”
“And why would I even need to?! First of all, everyone knows what a great leader you are, second, we aren’t even obliged to tell them. Remember how it was with JJ and Will?”
Aaron finally looked back at him. Spencer let out a shaky breath, gaining courage to slowly move his fingers closer to Hotch’s hand lying on the table. The man didn’t waste any second before tangling their fingers together.
“We could take it slow,” Spencer started again slowly. “No one has to know. We could just give it a try and see.”
Aaron’s jaw tightened. “And Jack?” There it was — the real fear. “He already lost too much for his young age. I can’t risk bringing someone into his life if it’s temporary.”
Spencer hesitated, vulnerability flickering across his face. “I am afraid,” he admitted. “Because I can’t promise you for sure if it will work. But once again — we could take it slowly, step by step. Jack is an amazing kid, I see so much of you in him.” A soft smile made its way to Reid’s face at the mansion of Jack. “I care about him,” he swallowed, “I care about him even more than I anticipated.
“You know, I never thought about bringing a kid into this world, not with my genes, so I didn’t particularly picture myself as a father.” Spencer admitted. “I’m also afraid of disappointing him.”
“You won’t.” Aaron’s voice softened. “You are the first person that made him smile so much.” They both smiled, looking at each other, Aaron’s thumb caressed the soft skin of Spencer’s hand.
“Don’t you think it would be too fast?”
“You deserve happiness, Aaron. Be selfish at least for once.”
They finished the dinner both smiling, Aaron paid, not even listening to whatever Reid tried to say, before walking them outside. Aaron had faced down killers without flinching, but standing in the parking lot, so close to Spencer, terrified him more.
“Slow,” he murmured.
“Slow,” Spencer agreed.
Aaron lifted a hand as if approaching something sacred, giving Spencer every opportunity to pull back. He didn’t, parting his lips instead. The first touch of lips was tentative — soft, searching. Aaron was afraid that he would forget how it was done, but he felt something mend inside him. A quiet place that had been empty for years suddenly filled with warmth. Kissing Spencer was addictive, like nothing he ever experienced before. He moved both hands to his waist, pulling the man impossibly close.
One of Spencer’s hands found its way to the back of his head, tangling in the short dark hair, another one laid where his neck met the shoulder, clutching slightly as if anchoring himself. His heart raced wildly, but beneath it was certainty. He had never felt this way before, and truth be told — never thought that feeling something like that was even possible.
“We should probably get going,” Aaron whispered into his lips, smiling into the kiss when Spencer simply pulled him closer. He couldn’t believe that he had this handsome, smart man holding him close in his strong arms, reciprocating his feelings.
They spent another few minutes close, enjoying the warmth of holding each other. When they parted, neither wanted to let go. Aaron rested his forehead against Spencer’s, enjoying this quiet moment a bit longer. For the first time in years Aaron didn’t feel like his life was haunted. And despite whatever he told himself before, having Spencer close felt so right.
As for Spencer, he finally made up his mind about what love truly meant — not just a scientific term he learned from books, but a hurricane of emotions he felt kissing back Aaron Hotchner.