Chapter Text
Cuddy heard the rhythmic thud of a cane hitting linoleum echoing through the clinic to her office, and mentally steeled herself. She had just finished letting out a sigh when House burst through the doors, an envelope clutched in his free hand.
"PITTSBURGH?!"
"It's a city in Pennsylvania," stated Cuddy, a strained smile on her face. "Lots of bridges, beautiful views of the Ohio and Duquesne Riv-"
"You're sending me to PITTSBURGH?!"
"Correction. The hospital is sending you to Pittsburgh. Unlike many of my favorite ways to torture you specifically, I had no hand in this."
House stomped around to Cuddy's side of the desk, tossing the crumpled envelope on top of a stack of patient files. "Do you know what they do to people like me in Pittsburgh? Those barbarians will see my cane and- and- and do unspeakable things to me!"
"Oh no. The horror." Cuddy turned to her computer, pretended to type for a moment, and then returned her gaze to House. "Vicodin is also illegal there. How ever will you survive."
House sighed and turned to leave the office. Before opening the door, he turned back to Cuddy. "Well, at the very least, the way you're wearing that dress I'll be able to see that cleavage and ass from all the way out in Allegheny County." With that, he stomped back out into the clinic.
Cuddy watched him leave, then sat and picked up her phone, dialing an extension. A few seconds passed as the phone rang, then the other end of the line picked up. "Wilson?" Cuddy said. "Incoming."
The air at the daily staff huddle was... odd wasn't the word Robby had in mind, but there was a tangible difference at this meeting, almost as if everyone knew what he was going to say before he started speaking. He cleared his throat.
"I'm leaving." He held up his hands as everyone moved to protest. "Not permanently, and not for long. The hospital is doing a staff exchange program with other teaching hospitals around the country, and I was selected to be sent to Princeton for the next couple of weeks. Don't worry, you'll all be in good hands."
"Do I get to bully whoever it is that's coming in?" Trinity said after the news started settling in. "I mean, they won't be our attending, so it's not like I'd get in, like, a ton of trouble if I switched out their scrubs for ones from the morgue." She turned to wink at Whitaker. "Don't worry, Huckleberry. I won't give them your scrubs."
Robby chuckled. "No, you do not get to bully the new doctor. While he's here, Dr. Langdon will be attending in my stead-" Robby turned to Langdon, whose eyes had widened. "-but Dr. Langdon will still be answerable to him. You're not getting off that easy, Frank."
"You know who's coming in from the program?" asked Whitaker.
"I do. His name is Gregory House."
Javadi's jaw dropped. "I've heard his name! My mom says he's a nightmare to work with, that no other hospital in the country in their right mind would take him willingly! And he's coming here?!"
"Yes, House is infamous for his... abrasive personality," Robby sighed. "At the same time, he's one of the most brilliant diagnosticians in the world, and I don't think I'm exaggerating. You don't have to take any shit he throws at you, but also, he probably will outclass every one of us here put together in terms of treatments and saving patients, so I guess what I'm saying is don't hold it too much against him. The only one here I grant permission to slap him if he goes to far is Dana, and that's only because she can slap me if I go too far, so...:" Robby clapped his hands together. "You get at least one more shift with me before I come in looking a little different. Let's go save some lives, yeah?"
House strode into his office, tossing a file onto the table where Cameron, Foreman, and Chase were just putting down their bags. Chase snatched it and opened it, frowning as he stared at its contents. After a moment of silence in the room, he spoke. "These are... a plane ticket and an itinerary."
"Well crikey, mate, looks like you can see and speak!" House turned to the whiteboard, not bothering to gauge Chase's reaction. "What's the differential diagnosis for someone who finds himself going to Pittsburgh against his will and better judgment?" He turned back. "Tick tock! Time's a-wasting and I want this patient either cured and sent home or six feet under before he finds himself in an airport."
"Oh, come on, Pittsburgh is a lovely city," offered Foreman. "Plus, you need to take a vacation one of these days."
House made a buzzer noise. "Sorry, Foreman, but you needed to answer in the form of a question. The answer is, 'What is Cuddy's petty and vindictive plan to get me out of New Jersey so she can take Lothario Wilson on a-'"
"Wait, you were selected for the medical exchange program?" interrupted Cameron. "That's amazing! And I've heard through the grapevine that Pittsburgh Trauma is a really great hospital to get paired with. You're gonna have a great time."
"Yeah." Foreman snorted. "Those other doctors, though... I'm not sure I would use the words 'great time' just yet."
"So who's subbing in for you?" asked Chase, as Wilson entered the room. "And when do we get to stop looking over our shoulders to make sure we're not on Candid Camera?"
"Someone named..." House snatched back the file and riffled through the papers. "Michael Rabinovich. Oh, fantastic Wilson. You're just in time to learn that there's gonna be a daily minyan here at the hospital."
"Yeah, Cuddy told me," replied Wilson. "I've met Robby a couple of times. He's a great person and a better doctor. He's like you, Greg. Except he's..." Wilson shrugged. "Human."
House blew a raspberry. "Robby? You've got a pet name for him? Where's my pet name, Wilky-poo-kins?"
Wilson rolled his eyes, then turned to the trio at the table. "While House gets his stuff ready to head out to Pittsburgh, I need you three in with me. Early 20s male brought in by his wife, presenting with abdominal cramps, fluctuating temperature, and mood swings. I'd almost say PMS, except..."
"...patient has the wrong equipment." Chase finished. The three got up to follow Wilson, then the whole group turned back to House.
"If you tell me you're gonna miss me," said House, "I'm going to follow you to your patient and throw up on him."
"We're gonna miss you around here," said Collins as she and Robby pulled out of a hug.
"Yep. I'm gonna miss y'all too," replied Robby. "It's gonna be a little weird to be in a different hospital." He took in a deep breath. "I wonder what floor cleaner they use."
"Probably the same cleaner that they have everywhere," interjected Mel from the nurses' station, prompting Robby and Collins to turn to her. "I mean, it's a teaching hospital, too, I presume that there's one singular place that all hospitals get their equipment. You know, like a Restaurant Depot. But for hospitals." She paused. "Or maybe that's a stretch. I mean, they're in New Jersey and we're here in Pennsylvania." Another pause. "Though they're right near Philadelphia, so maybe they resupply from the Pennsylvania side." Another pause. "Um. Anyway. I'm gonna go check on a patient." She turned, thought for a moment, then turned back to Robby and Collins. "I'm gonna miss you, Dr. Robby."
"Aw, I'll miss you too, Mel. And don't worry - it won't be that big of a change. He'll slot right in, I promise."
Mel nodded, then walked away. Robby slung his backpack over his shoulder, then made for the emergency room staff exit, Collins following him. He turned back just as he propped open the door to leave. "This place is in good hands. It'll also be in good hands when Greg gets here. Keep the place from burning down while I'm gone, and I'll be back before you know it." He gave Collins one last hug, then turned out to the brisk Pittsburgh afternoon, taking in another breath, this time of clean outdoor air. He set off for the taxi that was parked down the road.
House... he thought. We've never met. But I got faith in you. Take care of my guys and I'll take care of yours.