Chapter Text
It was a bright, unnervingly bright and bustling airport terminal, with people rushing in and out of the gates like working ants, barely avoiding colliding into each other. A pale figure was swiftly circling among them, and they looked almost normal, if not for a strange shine in their eyes- a light that seemed both sickly and otherworldly bright. But who had time to look too closely at someone else in this environment? The flickering of digital clocks and fluid words that adorned every wall was way more enticing to these troubled, scattered people.
Daniel walked ahead of the crowd easily, taking one turn, then another, and in the end rushed down to the bathrooms; finding them delightfully empty, she rested her forehead on the wall for a few moments, then went and turned on the faucet. The water was cool and nice and she ran a hand all over her face, chin, then hair, slicking it back slightly, with a few loose wet strands falling over her forehead. She liked it like this; well, Armand liked it like this. She liked whatever Armand liked. It made her hair look darker and it accentuated the deep, unnatural violet of her eyes.
The office white shirt was all crumpled too, the black tie sitting at a weird angle, carelessly thrown over it. It was some idea she got, to look like a busy CEO of a dehumanizing and exploiting institution, and that way nobody would care if she looked slightly inhuman, as that trait was already on the job description. But the truth was, she hadn't ventured outside like this for a while, and her ideas of what people thought or understood were quite limited. It seemed like she could kill someone in the middle of the platform and these people would be too sleep deprived to care.
She stared back at her own reflection for a minute- the artificial light of the bathroom made her eyes look dark and truly lifeless, devoid completely of that violet color Armand liked so much. Was this why she didn’t love her anymore? She angrily wrestled the tie off; then changed her mind and put it back on but more carefully, taking her time with the knot. It was nearing 4AM and the summer solstice was only a couple of days ago- only one hour left to find a hole to crawl into during the day and get some sleep. She zipped her leather jacket all the way up- she used to wear this all the time back then, back when it all began. Everything was just a piece of the past, frozen in time, and everything was about her and nothing that she brought into this life had meaning outside of her.
***
Daniel knew that when Armand mentioned in passing that Lestat was “wasting away her immortal life at the Versailles these days”, it wasn’t a metaphor; Lestat wasn’t the type of person to speak metaphorically, or understand what a hyperbole was, clearly evident in those stupid lyrics she was writing some time ago. Anything was possible when it came to that gorgeous, dreadful French creature; using the Versailles of Paris as a personal residence was nothing.
Daniel strolled through the gardens for a while, breathing in the warm summer air; she’s never been here before, not during her human lifetime. To be able to go anywhere, anytime, for all eternity, it was the definition of freedom- a very human definition; Daniel felt like it was all for nothing, without that someone dragging her around by the arm, talking and talking, and laughing, and scaring civilians as they went about their business. Armand tended to avoid Paris, she never explained to her why, but kept quiet, too quiet; and there was always that lost look in her eyes, as if she were trying not to remember and not to feel, lest she gave anything away from the depth of her soul. She didn’t talk much about herself- in fact, she always actively avoided it, and prevented the topic from surfacing as much as possible. Everything Daniel knew came from Lestat’s damned, ridiculous biographical books.
She never told me anything.
It would have never been heard by humans if they were to walk by, but as she came closer to the walls she heard faint music coming out of one of the windows. It was some 70s rock and roll ballad, quite nice, probably UFO- they saw them live once- they meaning her and…
They used to see every rising rock and proto metal bands that were coming out in those years- and it was the golden age of rock of course, so every other weekend was spent in a seedy, dark club, some stinky hole that would inadvertently make history as it housed people that became legends later. The world was still so hostile at the time- she used to put on men’s jeans, a biker’s jacket, all that; not that she wore anything else in her day to day life, but this time she would put extra effort into not getting attention while she was out with her angel. Already 6 foot tall by birth and by the grace of childhood basketball training, she could easily become just another one of the guys, with a disgusting beer in one hand, and a woman out of his league on the other.
She remembered that one night- they were at a boring concert, a new American hard rock band that became nothing later- but she was on a bar stool, lucky to have a seat; the bar was dark like a prehistoric cave and full of sweaty, foul smelling, thin, coked out men stinking up the air together with their women’s cheap hairspray, falling over each other and spilling beer everywhere. They were in a corner, as if removed from the world completely. Armand was on her lap, and she was dressed in a gorgeous denim bodysuit that hugged all of her curves that she otherwise kept hidden. Her hair was like a copper waterfall over her shoulders and flowing down her back, and she wore all kinds of necklaces- this time it was stones like quartz and amethyst and what not; she looked like a veritable hippy. She loved this type of music- Daniel knew it, nobody else knew it- she loved the heavy bass and electric guitar reverberating through dilapidated concrete walls; in this memory she was moving slightly to the beat of the drums, as if the music had a spiritual effect on her. Her hips were squirming slightly in the seat, half on Daniel’s lap, sending her blood pumping louder and louder with every movement. Daniel dove into her neck and bit down on it, hard- then started kissing it hungrily, as if the roles were reversed and she was the night creature and Armand was just her little victim; it always made her angel laugh so sweetly when she did that. That laugh, that sweet laugh- to hear it for all eternity, that was the goal she aimed for.
She took a breath in and broke out of the memory; it was hard, hearing anything, seeing anything, doing anything and not thinking of her- when the sun left her life on that final evening, it took her angel away with it, and so ahead lay only a desolate loneliness forever and ever, the bloom of their love cut off and trampled too soon.
“Doctor, doctor, please
Oh, the mess I'm in..”
The music got a little louder and more upbeat- yes, she remembered now. It was night and all around, there were girls wearing thin loose tops or bras or nothing, yelling until their lungs and vocal chords gave up. Again, she was standing protectively behind her angel; she didn’t want to share with anyone. Armand was in her own world at these events- she was very sensitive to music, and was swaying as if in a trance; the lights, the loudness- everything was new and utterly mesmerizing to her. She was wearing a tight leather vest with nothing else underneath and just above her soft pillowy chest rested an antique crucifix. It was hard for Daniel to think about anything but leaving a trail of bites over that plump flesh; a naughty hand started circling her abdomen, then coming higher ever so slightly…
Armand let out a surprised soft moan as she suddenly felt her breast grabbed roughly; she let her head fall on Daniel’s chest, and her bejeweled, delicate hand came up to caress Daniel’s cheek and bring it closer to her lips:
“Take me..right now.”
She was brought back to reality by a familiar voice singing along with the song, quite badly and nasally.
“She walked up to me
And really stole my heart…
Living, loving, I'm on the run
So far away from you.”
***
Lestat was lounging on one of the small antique beds that used to belong to French royalty many, many years ago, propped up by embroidered pillows and busying herself with a laptop that sat crookedly on her lap. A mini speaker was singing on the floor surrounded by trashed blood bags, thrown over so incredibly carelessly over the precious historical rugs. There were candles lit and put all around the bed, a strange mix of old preferences and new technology, all together birthing a dissonant and strange atmosphere. She was singing, then muttering to herself nonsense things, as she clicked away at the keyboard, completely absorbed in whatever virtual task was at hand.
“This one…no, I don’t wear that. I did, then left it at home, when we had a home…I wonder if Louis still has it- no she must have thrown it away, in some far corner of the world like she does every time, with everything- away, away with my feelings, then. Yes, this other one, thank you very much to the creator of this beautiful little game for mortals- this coat suits me quite nicely. Hm, I like the red, but it will make Marius angry again. Can’t two vampires wear the same color, at the same event? I like red quite a lot, I used to have a red coat as a mortal girl, but she wouldn’t listen-”
She tensed suddenly, then stood straight and pushed the laptop aside; she could feel that she wasn’t alone anymore, that there was a new aura lurking in the room- the cold type of immortal energy. “You who hide there by the window, near the curtains- come out, I don’t bite; well, not right now at least. I’ve had a long day.”
Daniel came out slowly into the faint orange light of the candles. “Excuse me.”
“My god, I thought-” Lestat rose from the bed and came to inspect the intruding creature now standing in front of her. “I swear you hide your thoughts and movements so well I thought for a moment you were Marius! How strange, for a second I really thought you were her- I know she likes to spy on me from time to time- well, no matter your age, you do have powerful ancient blood in you; ah, and also I remember you and Marius were close lately, no? It must have rubbed off on you, her- her way of sitting back and observing and judging. You two still live together?...”
“No. I’m fine now.”
“Yes, you- you weren’t doing so well, I’ve heard. I thought you went into the earth, but I’m happy that was not the case.” She came uncomfortably close to Daniel and started touching her tie that got crooked again. “I am happy she took care of you. I really am. She came for me too at the beginning, helped me when my world was crashing down and I did not know how to piece it back together…Marius would not help if you weren’t a strong one. She knows you have great potential.” She grabbed onto Daniel’s tie and started doing the knot properly and putting it in place. “I never told you but you are indeed such a handsome one, I understand why Armand chose you…”
Daniel grabbed Lestat’s roaming hands by the wrist and forced her to walk backwards until the back of her knees hit the edge of the bed and she fell on her back over the old blanket. Lestat propped herself up on one arm and looked up at her. “Oh my…well, you sure know how to get someone's attention!”
“Don’t get too excited, I’m just here to get some help from you.”
“Oh, what? Have me on my back and after that you just zip up and leave? Doesn’t sound very chivalrous of you- that’s not how Armand talked about you, at least. But she did mention you started being rougher after she got you turned- I'm seeing it now, yes…”
Daniel perked up. “She talked about me? When?”
“I don’t know, some years ago I think.”
Daniel turned and started pacing through the room; it had a beautiful antique wardrobe, dark wood carved with multiple floral patterns all over, a matching desk and a golden ornate mirror just above it- a coquette boudoir fit for a royal blooded lady. Just by the entrance, there was a red rope hanging from each side of what used to be a doorway, and a sign hung over it, telling visitors not to step over inside.
Lestat watched her curiously. “What's the matter? Why did you come visit me this late in the night? I was busy.”
Daniel dropped the trinket she was inspecting- a delicate porcelain ballerina with red cheeks and redder hair. “Busy doing what, exactly?”
“Busy! Wouldn't a princess be busy? I was building a house for me and Louis.”
“I don't think you can live in Versailles with Louis, not if you want to have a full day of rest in your life without noise.”
“No, God no- this is just a temporary residence for me right now. And yes, the noise is just awful; but it's easy to hunt, easy prey- the tourist species, they're like apples that grow on trees, all you have to do is pick them right up from the branch. No, look-”
Lestat stretched and grabbed her laptop from where it sat precariously on the edge of the bed, and held it like an open book in front of Daniel, gripping the screen painfully. “Look, see? I'm building a house; I made it so that the wallpaper matches the carpets and also- look at the furniture I picked! It looks similar to the one in this room…It reminds me of my old room, the one I used to have as a young mortal girl in my mother's old house. Yes, that very wooden bed that was soaked in my lonely tears for so many years…It's all in the little computer, right here.”
“You're saying…you're playing a video game?”
“It's not just a game, Daniel! Can't you see these are the plans for a house I want to build for me and Louis? God, did you use to belittle everything like that with Armand too? She's more sensitive than me, did you know?”
Lestat wanted to get a reaction with that last comment, and she surely succeeded. Daniel bristled up suddenly, and the calm attitude she was upholding was starting to crumble. “What- what the hell are you saying? I never belittled anything she's ever done, I watched all of her movies, played her games and got her her colorful toys and whatever the hell she wanted and listened to her all the time-”. It was one little comment, yet Daniel was getting increasingly agitated and started pacing around again, dragging a hand over her hair, then nervously rubbing at her face.
“I don't know what I did, okay? Or what I didn't do, I don't understand because- because she doesn't tell me anything, she never told me anything about her life! I never knew the things she went through, how could I know? Maybe I didn't say enough, do enough, but what? What? I don't know, I don't know what I did…”
Lestat watched her go back and forth, walking around the small room like a caged beast. She made sure the game was saved, then closed the laptop and pushed it aside. “Alright, alright. It's that little succubus then, that's why you came. Sit down, my God, you're making me dizzy…” She pointed to the antique cushioned chair in front of the boudoir. “Sit down!”
Daniel sat still on the chair in silence for a long moment.
“She came back to me-” She felt her voice going into a wrong direction and coughed, then tried again. “She came back, she came back to me, then she left again, and I've been looking for her for weeks.”
“Hm. Well, she wouldn’t leave just like that? Did she say something when she left?”
“She left while I was asleep.”
“And before that? Before you fell asleep?...”
“Before we were very busy and had no time to talk…”
Lestat sprang to her feet and started pacing herself. “Well that's not good, you should have talked! Said something to each other! My God, Daniel…You didn't say anything to her?”
Daniel sat up and went to grab at her shoulders: “Yes I did! I don't know, I did say things to her, I don't remember!”
“Well maybe the problem is that you said something when you shouldn't have!”
“What? I didn't say anything!”
“Alright, come on- back off me, my God! She's been quite distant lately and only prefers the company of those two children- who are indeed lovely angels, true, but she hasn't been communicating with the rest of us as much. I told Marius to check up on her sometimes, we're all on edge since-” Lestat frowned and looked away; suddenly her chest felt heavy. “…You know, making sure she doesn't try something stupid, like burning herself again- that's always a possibility.”
“What the hell do you mean, that's always a possibility?!”
“Oh, don't tell me you've never thought of it! At least out of curiosity, if not for ending this timeless living of nothing and nothing but disappointment…”
“I died once to be with her. That's what I wanted. I don't want an afterlife if she's not the one bringing me into it.” She felt unsteady on her legs and took a seat on the antique boudoir chair, her hand anxiously wiping at her forehead. She seemed like she was trying not to have a reaction that's too outward and uncontrollable, but Lestat- as someone who knew of pain intimately- could not miss the slight reddening in the rims of her eyes.
Daniel continued after a pause: “I don't understand why she would want to go without me. A nothingness without me in it. To think that she cares about me so little, so little- she would leave without me and I wouldn't even know. She thinks of me as a pest; a pet she trained and then got sick of- and now it won’t leave her because it doesn’t know better.”
“I mean, frankly, you weren't really there- oh, no- you haven't been there for some time either. We are creatures that both love and resent loneliness, aren’t we?”
Daniel sat with her face buried in her hands motionless, then sharply broke off from the sadness that threatened to overtake her and turned to Lestat; she looked at her for a good moment.
“You wanted to leave Louis just like that, you fiend.”
“Me? Well, yes- I did that. Her companion at the time was a large dusty library and it didn't seem of any interest to her if I lived or not. And of course, I am a monster, Daniel. I am egotistical by nature.”
“Louis did care. She cared a lot.”
Lestat started fidgeting with the tassels from the little embroidered pillows on the bed, lounging on one elbow, lost in thought. Her beautiful lips formed a pout and she titled her head sideways; there were a lot of emotions coursing within her with that memory, none of them she wanted to handle right now. “That was quite the surprise, yes…God, Daniel- these are old tales, they've all passed; I did try to burn myself, and that's all there is to it. I don't know why I did it, I wanted to see if I could- or maybe I just wanted to get Louis’ attention, or anyone's attention; that was so long ago, let's talk about something else.”
“You're not egoistical, you do care. You care about Armand. She cares about you too.”
“Do I care for her? Do I care for that nefarious temptress? Do you think I’m like you, to get seduced so easily and be so faithful?” Lestat laughed coquettishly and let her back hit the bed, staring up at the gilded ceiling. “Hm, yes, maybe I do. Well, I care a lot, and we love each other, but don't tell her that. We have known each other for so long, love and hate have started to bleed into each other. I could never hate her, that would be terrible. We can't hate each other, Daniel, we only have each other…”
“If there's anyone who knows where she is, it must be you.”
Lestat sat up. “That's a bold claim, dear. I don't know what goes on in that little coppery curled head of hers, and I doubt anyone could ever guess, and not even God in heaven would understand the type of machinations that go down in there, like the little articulations of an old clock- twisting and turning and twisting and turning…”
“Lestat, I swear, don't keep this from me. I'll do anything.”
“I don't know! She never visited me here at Versailles, she never even sent me a card, or called, or messaged me…So, the question really is: does she care for me?”
Daniel could see her in her mind’s eye: the image was inexplicably that one night in Italy, on the rooftop of the Saint Peter's basilica, inspecting the gorgeous statutes that lay all around, so far from the ground, inaccessible by human touch. She remembered her tracing the beautifully crafted fabric folds of marble with her delicate fingers and whispering to herself: Not made by human hands. Her white dress was fluttering in the night air, the outline of her waist tempting though the thin material, visible under the full moon that lingered above them; she was so still and utterly perfect, for a moment it seemed like she was one of them.
Daniel came behind her and put her hands on her waist, just above the sweet sloping of her hips; she was soft like a pillow there, so unlike the standards of the time, of bone thin women- the image of addiction and deprivation. No, she was like the old statues, the dreamy angels painted all over the insides of the churches in the city. Never lacking, never deprived of anything, with everything at her disposal to do as she pleases. A true timeless beauty. Abundance in the form of a young woman.
She should have told her how much she loved her then. Instead she said, “You could have crafted these statues better than them.”
Armand turned around and smiled; she shivered as a cold wind suddenly picked up, and Daniel hugged her and covered her with her arms. Her hair always had the distinct smell of summer roses.
The memory felt like an arrow piercing through her chest; she felt sick and Lestat became just a blurry object in the background, talking nonsense. The little porcelain ballerina was smiling at her from the table, her arms raised delicately above her head, her breasts sweetly pressed by her white dress, her waist dangerously thin. Daniel grabbed it suddenly, then jumped out of the window and climbed down the vine back on the ground.
Lestat poked her head out of the window and screamed after her: “You wouldn’t even stay over during the day? I have a big coffin, you know!” She looked around but Daniel was already gone; she sat her chin on her forearms and sighed wistfully. “Ah, damn her. She’s too far gone for that little devil…”
***
It was deep into the night and the streets of Paris were empty; even the late parties kicked their last guests out, the only ones remaining were hidden out into deep holes in the city, far away from the main streets. Daniel was walking through the darkness, agitated but without direction; she felt a drop of rain hit her cheek, and saw as the pavement became checkered from the little drops coming fast one after another. She raised her head and in the distance, against the roiling clouds, the shadow of the Eiffel tower pondered solemnly over the city. She thought about Armand living in this very city, before this monster of metal was built, in a completely different scenery, living a completely different life. Once, when she was deprived of everything.
She slowed down until she came to a stop. She felt the rain wash over her now, forming a rivulet on her forehead; she closed her eyes and breathed in- the comforting smell of the wet earth, and something else. The smell of old forgotten centuries, of lost scrolls containing lost stories, with a sweet touch of citrus; the familiarity of it made her smile bitterly.
“Marius.”
Marius was sitting at the outside table of a closed cafe, reading one of her old, yellowing books, as if she were a normal citizen of the city going about her usual routine, and not an ancient creature surrounded by darkness and heavy rain. If she could order a cappuccino, she would, even though she would not drink it; she has never tasted coffee in her life and never will. She was wearing a perfectly pressed red suit and a white silky shirt underneath; her blonde hair was brushed back leaving all her sharp features on display. She pensively thumbed at her book for a short moment while staring at Daniel with an unreadable expression.
“Bonsoir.”
“Two broken monster souls in Paris, of course you came smelling. Versailles is further away, don’t mind me.”
“I do mind you.”
Daniel approached and pulled the other thin metal chair from under the table, then sat down in front of Marius and spread all over it in faux nonchalance. “Beautiful night, isn’t it?”
Marius looked her up and down with a slightly displeased turn of the mouth; her icy blue eyes were unforgiving as always. “You went to see Lestat. What for?”
Daniel took her hand out of her jacket’s pocket and gesticulated in the air, almost mockingly. “Personal business.”
“Lestat is in no shape right now to have any sort of business; not with you, not with anyone.”
“She is right then; you do spy on her.”
Marius paused, her gaze still piercing. “You’re looking for Armand.”
Daniel laughed; she then rearranged her position on the chair, but the smile died immediately off her face. “You really do love to stick your fingers in everyone's bowl.”
“You think Armand’s current state is not of my interest?”
“Well, is it?”
“Of course it is. What kind of question is that?”
“And where is she, then?”
Marius paused; frowned then looked away. “I don't know. She doesn't initiate conversation with me if I don't. And she doesn't say much, when we do talk. Always an enigma, my little one.”
“She's not anyone's little one.”
Marius looked taken aback by the bout of jealousy radiating off the other person with that statement; she sighed deeply. “There it is, then; this is the end of our friendship, or companionship, or association- isn't it so?”
She continued, staring off into the rain. “Yes, I expected this. Once you come out of your madness, once you become aware of your surroundings, you will run after her again; it's natural to you, it's the burden of your creation. We all carry a burden, the one need we had when we died to become immortal creatures: you see it in me, my insatiable thirst for knowledge- that was my weak point, and I will never stop chasing it, because I passed away with that desire in me, and it became immortal as I became immortal. You see it in Lestat, her constant need for freedom and independence, but also of praise and attachment- always at odds with one another; she is to be volatile forever as she was in that tumultuous period of her girlhood. And you?”
She turned back to Daniel, her deep gaze cutting but full of sadness at the same time: “You will yearn for all eternity for that beauty that stole your heart, and will be a prisoner of her moods and her will. I wanted to save you from that, Daniel.”
“Why don't you save me from your speeches, first?”
“If she doesn't respond to your affections the way you want to right now, you will lose your mind again.”
Daniel tried to keep her mood light, but Marius would always know how to press a sore spot. “She will respond as she wants to respond. Why do you act like you know everything about her? About us?”
“I know Armand better than anyone.”
Daniel got out of the chair, the metal hitting the pavement with a loud noise that was ultimately swallowed by the pouring rain. “You don't know shit! You don't know her, you don't understand her- not then, not now! You just act like you do, but you're just as lost, just and confused as the rest of us- like me!”
“I knew you wouldn't be able to bear me anymore once you regained your consciousness- you could not bear my love for Armand, or her love for me; you are obsessive and could never share her. Your egoism is a weakness.”
“Love you, after you abandoned her? She would never want you again!” Daniel was raising her voice; she was insecure of her words, and was afraid Marius could sense it- deep down she knew she could always lose Armand to her.
Marius got out of the chair to meet her face to face and bit back at her: “She wants neither of us!”
“Well, maybe she has no reason to!” Daniel staggered backwards as if a painful realization was just making itself known and worming its way through her heart. “Maybe she has no reason to…I wasn’t there, you weren’t there- we weren’t there when she needed us most.”
“I’m right here, but she-”
“You weren’t there for hundreds of years!”
Marius tensed up, frustrated to have her past thrown in her face again and again. “I thought she had lost herself, I let go to protect my sanity and my heart- do you realize what I went through when I realized Santino had made her one of them? And she continued, for years, just like that?”
“I think you didn't go through enough, leaving her to rot there. My God, if only I were born…”
“You would have- what? Saved her from a powerful vampire cult that I could barely escape from? You, who can't even save yourself from yourself?”
“Fuck you!”
Daniel turned away and took off in the pouring rain; Marius looked after her for some time, then sat down again at the table. She sighed then picked up her book again, a distinguished gentlewoman in red, surrounded by nothing but darkness; the only indication that the event took place was the feeble metal chair in front of her laying flat on the ground. After a while, she got up, put on her long red coat that fluttered in the wind, and headed for the palace of Versailles, the reason she came here in the first place.
***
Daniel was back at the airport terminal the next night; she was watching people go around with a pensive look- not really paying attention to anything. She had no luggage, and her boots were full of mud from where she had spent the day- she broke into a small mausoleum crypt from the Père Lachaise Cemetery and slept there next to the bones of a long deceased French family. The rain was heavy all night and barely let down the next day; people were passing by in all states of wetness, and Daniel herself had her hair still damp at the edges.
She took her hand out of her pocket and stared at the object she was holding- that sweet eyed porcelain ballerina she stole from the palace. She rubbed her waist with her thumb for a while, until she felt her vision go blurry, which made her snap out of it- if the rims of her eyes got too red it could scare mortal people and she really didn’t feel like causing a scene. She looked up at the panel announcing her flight: just half an hour left until she could embark. The panel showed the number of the plane, and the destination: New Orleans.