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Would you mind if I hurt you?
Understand that I need to.
Wish that I had other choices
Than to harm the one I love…
- “What Have You Done,” by Within Temptation
It was rare that Lexa got the afternoon off, so after having spent the morning listening to the ambassadors yell at each other, she was spending her free time in the blissful silence of her room. Clarke had agreed to work with the Natblida on their reading skills, so Lexa was catching up on her own book – an old favourite she’d read many times. She had just reached the part where the wizard was speaking in the trolls’ voices when the door to the room burst open with enough force to hit the walls behind her. Her anger at being interrupted became concern when she saw that the intruder was Clarke.
“What’s wrong?” Lexa asked as Clarke slammed the doors shut behind her. The sky girl whirled to face her and the Commander took a step back when she saw her expression. Clarke’s face was contorted with rage, but her eyes held primal, hungry desire that sparked a thrilling heat within Lexa’s core. Gazing at the Commander as predator to prey, Clarke stalked forward and pulled Lexa into a bruising kiss, one hand tangled in her hair while the other clawed at her hip. The book fell to the floor as Lexa placed gentle hands on Clarke’s shoulders, trying to soothe her love. She yelped when Clarke’s teeth sank into her bottom lip, and she tasted the copper of her own blood as the sky girl’s tongue licked at the wound. Then, without warning, Clarke shoved the Commander away.
Lexa stumbled backwards in utter confusion. Clarke was still devouring her with her gaze, the black blood smeared on her lips making her look all the more primal. “Clarke?” Lexa whispered, truly worried.
“Fight,” Clarke growled.
“What?” The Commander began shaking her head, but then Clarke was on her again, slamming their lips together as she propelled them towards the wall. Lexa let out a sharp breath as her back hit stone, but it was swallowed by Clarke’s hot mouth on hers, all tongue and sharp teeth. The ambassador forced her thigh between Lexa’s legs and the Commander moaned at the friction against her core. But then Clarke tore away again.
“Fight!” she demanded, gripping Lexa’s shoulders as she shoved her against the wall.
Lexa’s gaze of confusion met Clarke’s of fury and lust. Even under the mask of rage, the Commander could see her love’s desperation and wished she knew how to ease it.
“Fight me.” This time Clarke’s voice was a gasping plea, and Lexa understood .
“It’s all right, my love,” Lexa whispered, gently stroking Clarke’s cheek. “Take what you need.” And then it was her turn to push Clarke away.
With a growl of lustful triumph, Clarke lunged at Lexa and pushed her to the floor. Lexa struggled beneath her, but the sky girl held firm, wrenching the Commander’s arms behind her back as she held her down.
Both of them knew it was false – that if Lexa wanted, she could have Clarke pinned and helpless in seconds. But that wasn’t what Clarke needed.
“No,” Lexa whimpered as she fought Clarke’s hold. The ambassador responded by pulling the neck of the Commander’s shirt aside and sinking her teeth into her shoulder. Lexa cried out in a mix of pain and stinging pleasure.
“Mine,” Clarke hissed in her ear as she ground against her. “You’re mine. ”
She lifted Lexa from the floor without warning, shoving her towards the bed. Lexa spun and held her arms up as if to defend herself, but Clarke used her actions to grab her sleeves and yank at her shirt, forcing the garment over her head. Keeping to her part, Lexa tried to cover herself, but Clarke took her wrists in one hand and wrenched her arms over her head, using her free hand to undo Lexa’s bandeau. When the fabric dropped to the floor, Clarke roughly palmed her breast, pinching her nipple hard. Lexa gasped as she was once again assaulted by a jolt of pain and pleasure, and Clarke took her moment of disorientation to tear at the laces of her pants.
Lexa continued to struggle, but Clarke threw her bodily to the bed. Yanking the Commander’s arms over her head, she brought her hands to the headboard, clasping her wrists and pinning them to the mattress as if to say stay there . Lexa understood, and when Clarke released her, she fought as if she were tied to the headboard and not gripping it with her fingers. She tried to twist her legs away from the sky girl, but Clarke held her firmly, pulling off her boots before yanking her pants and shorts down her legs. Clarke’s grin was feral as she gazed at Lexa, naked and trembling at her mercy, and she began to eagerly shuck her own clothes.
When Clarke was bare, she forced herself on top of Lexa, ignoring the Commander’s whimpered pleas as she kissed her roughly. She sucked at her still-bleeding lip for a moment before biting her way down Lexa’s neck, sucking a mark into her collarbone. “Please, Clarke, no,” Lexa begged, but the ambassador refused to stop, leaving a scattering of bruises across her chest. For a moment, Lexa was worried that Clarke was too far gone – that she really would hurt her. But then she felt a soft kiss against one of the marks and knew her love wasn’t completely lost. Relieved, Lexa kept up her façade of unwilling captive.
The Commander closed her eyes and whimpered as Clarke groped her again, nipping and sucking at her breasts with hums of vicious delight. She took one of Lexa’s nipples into her mouth and harshly sucked, making the Commander keen her pleasure. Then Clarke bit down hard and Lexa arched beneath her, the sparks of pain stoking the fiery ecstasy building in her centre. She couldn’t decide whether she wanted to squirm away from Clarke’s seeking mouth or towards it, but the decision was made for her when the ambassador flipped her over onto her stomach.
Clarke covered Lexa’s body with her own, grinding against her as she held her down. Lexa could feel Clarke’s arousal smearing on her skin, and it sent her own arousal trickling down her thighs. The ambassador bit into her shoulder again before dragging her nails down Lexa’s back, drawing red lines of passionate rage on her skin. When she reached the Commander’s hips, she tried to force her legs open, but Lexa whined and tried to curl away. “MINE!” Clarke roared, bringing her hand down on Lexa’s ass with a sharp slap. Lexa whimpered and bent to Clarke’s will, letting the sky girl shove her knees apart. Even though she braced herself, the Commander let out a gasp as Clarke impaled her with her fingers.
The sky girl gave a dark chuckle as she felt how wet Lexa was. “You want this,” she hissed.
“I don’t!” Lexa tried to protest.
“You do . Your cunt is dripping for me – for me.” Clarke laid herself over Lexa again as she began a harsh thrust with her fingers, burying herself to the knuckle before pulling out again. Lexa grit her teeth as she fought not to thrust back; the feel of Clarke within her and the slick sound as she fucked her made her clit pulse with arousal. As if sensing this, Clarke reached beneath Lexa to pinch and roll the throbbing bud beneath her fingertips. Lexa threw her head back and wailed, unprepared for the onslaught of pleasure. “You can’t fight me forever,” Clarke purred, and the sound was sinister. “You’re going to come for me and then I’m going to use you, because you are mine.” Lexa shook her head, then keened as her gesture of defiance provoked another bite to her shoulder. “Say it!”
“No,” she tried to protest, but it came out as a mewl of agonised pleasure. Satisfied by the response, Clarke growled her approval and quickened the pace of her thrusts, milking Lexa’s clit as she did.
Lexa could feel the tears streaming down her cheeks, but they weren’t from pain or humiliation. She was aroused beyond the point at which she usually found release, but she was still climbing higher, no precipice in sight. “No, no, no,” she continued to whimper even as her body screamed yes, yes, please, yes. Soon she was unable to keep from bucking into Clarke’s questing fingers as they curled against her front wall with each downstroke.
“That’s it,” Clarke hissed, her fingertips more forceful on Lexa’s clit. “Mine, mine, mine.”
The Commander hurtled deliriously towards the edge, thrashing beneath Clarke as she reached her peak. “Yours,” she managed to gasp before tumbling over.
Lexa let out a full-throated scream as she came, shattering beautifully beneath her love as pleasure pulsed within her. She was burning, and she wanted to keep burning, lost in the glorious inferno as she drenched Clarke’s hand with her release. Clarke carried her through her orgasm until Lexa was left limp and quivering on the mattress, twitching with aftershocks.
Eventually, Clarke pulled her hands from Lexa’s centre, but the Commander knew she wasn’t done with her – not yet. She felt the sky girl’s wetness on her ass as her hands clawed at her shoulders, forcing her down. Knees locking around Lexa’s hips, Clarke began to grind against her, panting harshly as she did.
It wasn’t long before Clarke was bucking her hips with abandon, moaning and growling her pleasure as she sought release. Lexa let out a startled cry as Clarke wove her hand into her braids and tugged hard. She was riding her, using her, and while it should have disgusted Lexa, instead it made her ache for her love. Clarke’s moans became whimpered gasps as she thrust faster and harder against the Commander, clearly approaching her peak. But something was holding her back from climax, and she let out a desperate whine as she was denied release over and over.
“It’s all right,” Lexa murmured soothingly, repeating her words from earlier. “Take what you need, my love. Take what you need.”
Clarke roared out her orgasm as Lexa’s words took her over the edge. She growled and shuddered as pleasure cascaded through her until it spilled from her core and onto Lexa’s skin. The sky girl kept her tight hold on the Commander as she rode out her convulsions before collapsing atop her, spent.
Lexa sighed in relief when she felt Clarke slump against her, allowing herself to enjoy the afterglow now that her love’s rage was soothed and her lust sated. She was just beginning to drift somewhere between wakefulness and sleep when Clarke gasped. Lexa felt her sit up and rolled over to see what was wrong. The sky girl was gazing down at her in horrified realisation.
“Oh God, oh Lexa.” Her eyes filled with tears that soon overflowed as she barely contained her sobs. “What have I done?”
Clarke moved as if to run, but Lexa sat up beside her and wrapped her in her arms, stroking her back and rocking her back and forth. “Shh, ai niron , breathe,” she soothed, kissing the tear tracks on her face. “You did not hurt me, Clarke. You could never hurt me.”
“I never even asked,” Clarke sobbed, shaking in Lexa’s arms. “I never asked if it was something you wanted or how you could tell me if I’d gone too far or any of that, oh God, Lexa, I’m sorry….”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Lexa murmured. “I gave you my consent to take what you needed, and you did. You did nothing wrong.”
Clarke pulled back so she could look at the bruises and bites she’d left. “I should get some salve for these. And for your back.” She made a move to get up, but Lexa pulled her back down.
“Lie with me first,” Lexa requested. “Just hold me.” Clarke cautiously wound her arms around her and Lexa pulled them both down on the bed. For a time, they lay curled in each other’s embrace, silent but for Clarke’s occasional sniff and shuddering sigh. “What happened?” Lexa asked gently when Clarke had finally calmed.
“I was walking back to our room when I heard two of the younger ambassadors talking,” she rasped. “I heard them say ‘Heda,’ so I just instinctively stopped to listen. They were…” Clarke shuddered and ground her teeth together. “They were talking about how much they liked your appearance – talking about things they had no business even thinking about. Then they moved on to things they would do to you if they could.” She shuddered again, and Lexa rubbed her back, encouraging her to continue. “I wanted to kill them,” Clarke admitted. “I wanted to tear them apart with my bare hands, but I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t even confront them. But I was just so angry . And then I felt…” She shook her head as she tried to find the words. “I just felt this need. I needed to reassure myself that you were mine , and that no one can touch you but me. I felt like I had to claim you.”
“You felt powerless against them so you wanted to prove you had power with me,” Lexa surmised, and Clarke nodded guiltily. “I will always be yours, ai niron.”
“I know,” Clarke replied, brushing her nose against Lexa’s. “But in that moment, I just…I needed to prove it to myself, so I did.” Tears began to well in her eyes again. “I took my anger out on you.”
“Shh, no, you didn’t,” Lexa replied, stroking Clarke’s hair. “You needed reassurance and you needed to feel in control. And so long as it is just us together, that is something I am always willing to give you. I surrender to none but you.” She smiled before gently bringing her lips to meet the sky girl’s, pouring all her love and acceptance into the kiss. “I love you, Clarke.”
Clarke managed a trembling but sincere smile. “I love you, too, Lexa.” She nuzzled her again. “ Now will you let me take care of you?”
Only then did Lexa realise how sore she was, but the ache between her legs especially was the best kind of hurt she knew. Her smile widened. “ Sha , Clarke, you may.”
Where Clarke’s touch had been rough and demanding, it was now worshipful as she tenderly rubbed healing salve into the marks she’d left on Lexa’s body. Her hands on Lexa’s thighs were gentle as she spread her apart, and her lips and tongue were sweet and soothing as they brought Lexa to a second release. When she came, it was with a smile on her face and Clarke’s name on her lips. Sweetly sated, it didn’t take long for Lexa to drift into slumber in her love’s arms.
* * *
Clarke was relaxing on the couch in Lexa’s bedroom after a day of painfully long negotiations when the doors were thrown open so hard that they shook on their hinges. Catching a glimpse of Lexa’s sash, she stood from the sofa to see what was wrong. When the doors had crashed shut again and the Commander whirled to face her, she felt a frisson of fear along her spine.
Clarke had seen the woman before her as the gentle, tender Lexa and the hardened, fierce Heda. Now she was seeing a frightening mixture of both, Heda and Lexa clashing together in a whirlwind of fury and desire. Rage was pouring off of Lexa in waves, but her eyes burned with primal lust and need. Clarke had barely opened her mouth to speak when Lexa was upon her, forcing her backwards until her back slammed against the wall.
Lexa’s burning gaze bored into Clarke’s as she pinned her to the stone, one hand on her shoulder as the other wrapped around her throat. Clarke would have been absolutely terrified, but Lexa’s hand on her neck was gentle, her thumb rubbing tender circles on soft skin. And Clarke understood.
“It’s all right, my love,” she whispered. “Take what you need.” And then she pushed back.