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Thomas woke with a start, heart racing, sweat running down his chest. He sat up, trying not to disturb Juliet who was asleep next to him. She stirred and he touched her shoulder with a whispered, "Sssh, go back to sleep." She settled immediately and he slid out of bed, padding barefoot to the bathroom.
He turned the cold water on full, rinsing his face, then leaning on the sink waiting for the ragged edges of the nightmare to fade. His eyes looked haunted in the mirror though his pulse was no longer pounding. He lifted one hand to brush the scar near his hip, healed as much it ever would, long ago. He was safe, he told himself.
His current case had stirred up memories better left untouched, but he couldn't refuse to help a fellow veteran with a story so similar to his own. Thomas had made a new life, found purpose, had cherished friends –and now, partner in both senses of the word, Juliet. Their client was less fortunate and if Thomas could help him, it could make a significant difference in his life.
Juliet had been calm and professional at the interview but when she and Thomas were alone she'd immediately brought up how close to home this came, the veteran's loss of his squad and subsequent month long incarceration and torture.
"It'll be fine, Higgy," he'd told her flashing a smile that didn't reach his eyes behind his sunglasses. "The case doesn't directly involve his past." She'd not been convinced, one eyebrow quirked, but she'd changed the subject, coming up with a starting point for the investigation.
Nonetheless, hearing their client relate his past trauma and the deep empathy Thomas felt for him had brought his own experiences back to the surface.
Thomas headed back to the bedroom, grabbing his phone and slipping outside into the cool early morning air. He dialled Rick's number, choosing him over TC because Rick was already up half the night with the baby and TC had an important meeting today, something about a local hotel putting together activity packages for guests. No sense disturbing TC when he'd already been agonising over spreadsheets for a week and needed to be fresh and personable for the meeting.
Rick answered within three rings. "Thomas?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah. Had the dream again."
He could hear Rick moving through a room until the sound of a fridge humming meant he'd reached the kitchen. "You okay?"
Thomas exhaled, leaning against the nearest wooden support post on the veranda. In the distance the sound of waves breaking on shore was a comforting sound, and hearing Rick's voice made him feel anchored. It wasn't then. It was now. "I guess. I didn't want to wake Juliet."
"I get it. Do you need me to come over? Or meet somewhere? I can open up the bar, make cocoa."
That drew a small laugh. "No. I just...needed to know you're there."
"I'm always here," Rick assured him, and it sounded like he was making cocoa himself, a saucepan clattering, liquid pouring against metal.
"I promised," Thomas said, recalling the vows they'd made. "We all promised to reach out whenever it got difficult." They'd all seen too many veterans lose their lives not just to the physical effects of the trauma they'd suffered but to the aftermath. Deliberate suicides and reckless behaviors that had the same outcome.
"We did," Rick agreed. "I'm glad you called." A beat. "You want to talk about it?"
"No." He'd talked about it often enough. Rick had been there in person for the events the nightmare replayed truthfully or in twisted ways. There was little left to explain. "It's this case. The veteran. Too close to home. Higgy was concerned but I told her I understood him and what he'd been through. So I had to help."
Rick gave a low laugh. "You're worried she's going to say 'I told you so'."
"Maybe." Thomas took a long deep breath and then exhaled. "When this case is over I'll be fine." When he put distance between himself and the man who echoed some of the worst parts of Thomas's life.
Rick was stirring his drink, from the tinkling sound of a spoon against porcelain. "We don't get to undo what happened. It'll always be part of us. But we get better at dealing with it. It's been a while, right? Since a nightmare. It'll probably be a long while again. And I'm always here. TC's here." Nuzo's absence hung heavy in the following silence.
"Semper Fi," Thomas offered, in respect to Rick's service, the marine's motto. Always faithful. Loyalty and brotherhood.
"The only easy day was yesterday," Rick returned, the SEAL's motto. "But we face it together."
Thomas nodded, remembered Rick couldn't see him. "Thank you. I'm good now. Really."
"You sure?"
He made sure to sound cheerful when he said, "Absolutely. I'm getting chilly out here anyway. I'm going to go back to bed. Thank you, Rick."
"Anytime. We'll catch up later today." A demand not a question.
"Of course. Good night." Thomas rang off. He went back inside, tossing his phone back onto the bedside table and climbing under the covers, accidentally touching Juliet's leg with one cold foot.
Juliet shifted position, blinking at him. "Thomas? You're freezing."
"Sorry. Needed some air."
She pulled him close, warming him with her own body, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Are you all right? Is it the case? Or the memories?"
"The memories." He sighed, holding her tightly. "You were right. Hearing his story…"
She took no pleasure in his admission. "His past was a terrible thing for me to hear, and I've never experienced anything close to that like you did. " A beat before she asked, "Did you call Rick?" She knew that the three of them, Thomas and Rick and TC, leaned on each other when things got tough. Knew the signs of stress. Would listen if he wanted to talk, but never demanded he talk to her instead of his friends, accepting that only those who'd been through it could truly understand. Respected their unbreakable bond.
"I did."
"Good." She kissed him again, nestling her head against his chest.
It didn't matter if he couldn't sleep. He would just hold her, the warmth against his skin sparking warmth inside. He was safe and he was loved. Rick, TC, Juliet. Family. Ohana, as his adopted home would put it. Juliet was asleep again within a couple of minutes and despite feeling he'd stay awake until dawn, Thomas soon drifted off too.