Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

John knew he’d been a shitty father. Hell, shitty wasn’t even a good enough word to describe how bad he’d been. He’d forced his ways upon the boys, moulded them into his perfect little soldiers, brought them up in the life Mary never wanted for them. For any of them.

And as if that wasn’t bad enough, he’d pushed too far and now Sammy was gone. Fucked off to college, to live a normal life. It started long before that though. Sam refusing to cut his hair was the first big thing. Dean’s was always neatly kept and clipped, but Sam would have a conniption if John ever approached with scissors. Then Sam ran away one day for a few weeks. All of thirteen years old, Sam left and John found himself not all that shocked. Then the final twist of the knife, Sam remaining a straight A student despite the constant upheaval and gaining a full ride to Stanford. A normal life.

Good for him, John would think even two years after the fact, but not for Dean.

Dean, the boy who idolised a father that should never have been looked up to. Dean was never the same after Sam left. He tried, God he tried. John could see it. Dean had pushed himself harder than John ever pushed him, or even pushed Sam. He was practically tearing himself apart for the job. John couldn’t bear to see it. And he knew without intervention, Dean would go until he couldn’t. Dying bloody. Dying young.

Too young.

The witch had been an unexpected detour, but one John had veered towards after a great internal debate.

This is for Dean.

She’d obviously tried to kill him at first. But even half-beaten, John made no effort to off her and so she was intrigued. When he explained the spell he’d found, and asked if it was possible, the witch almost sneered at him.

She’d called him selfish at first. Taunting him for poking around such ancient lore and witchcraft, exclaiming that he had no idea what kind of bullshit he was getting himself into.

John’s heart poured out, more than he had expected. He couldn’t lose Dean. He’d lost Mary, he’d basically lost Sammy. But Dean? Losing Dean would blow a hole in John’s heart that he knew would never be filled. Losing Dean couldn’t happen, so this? This was him doing whatever he could to keep his son. Now, he wouldn’t say the witch had a change of heart. But John could see that she was tempted by his story. He was honest about it. He wanted to know what would happen if they went through with it. Thankfully for him, the witch was honest too.

It was very old magic, ancient even. Difficult, time consuming, and irrevocably strong. It would require Dean’s full consent. It would take weeks to procure the right ingredients, maybe even months. And it would take John and Dean a long time to settle into the right rhythms. But it was possible and it would work. Now the only thing that remained unsettled was the price.

The witch wasn’t evil per se, but she was cunning. And she knew John Winchester’s reputation well. She knew the things he possessed. She knew what offers were bogus. She had one request: for John’s most prized weapon. Before she even said it out loud, John agreed. The witch was shocked in all honesty. Shocked because never in a million millennia did she ever think John Winchester would willingly give up The Colt. But John said yes, she could have it. On one condition. That should some time down the track he needed the spell again, still holding hope that he could get Sam to come home, she’d do it free of charge. The Colt would be payment for both of his sons. They shook on it and John headed back to the motel to talk with Dean while the witch began the preparing of ingredients.

~~

Dean was not impressed with being woken up only a few hours after passing out, but he was wide awake when John told him this was important.

John sighed, not even knowing where to start. “Dean, you’ve been going too hard. I’ve been pushing you too hard”

“I’m fine, Dad.” Dean insisted, the exhaustion echoing through his words and the bags under his eyes.

“No, you’re not. And that’s on me. I should have seen it earlier, taken it easier” John said.

“So…you’re benching me?”

John could see the confusion furrowing Dean’s eyebrows. He smiled. “Kind of, I’m also benching me”

“What?”

This was the part John didn’t have the words for. “Look, I uh, it wasn’t fair. Going so hard so soon after your mom died, it wasn’t fair on Sammy. On you. You grew up overnight Dean and I just, I just want- I need the chance to make it right”

“Yeah but I’m 25 now Dad, I’m never gonna be a kid again. Besides I don’t blame you, y’know?” Dean said.

“But you should Dean, you should be pissed at me. You should hate me for how I dictated your life. Even now I’m still calling the shots and treating you like you’re not capable of doing it on your own. But damn it Dean, you’re already a better hunter than I’ll ever be and the fact that I took away your entire childhood to do it sickens me” John said, eyes shining brightly. If Dean didn’t know any better, he’d think his dad was on the verge of tears.

“Dad” Dean said, knowing he needed to say something. And yet, after that word there was nothing that came to mind. Nothing that sounded good after a confession like that out of John.

“Look, hear me out, okay? I met up with a witch” John began.

“What? Why didn’t you call me?” Dean asked.

John held up his hands. “I didn’t meet her to kill her, I met to talk. I was looking through some ancient lore book I stole from Bobby Singer a while back and I found this spell. I’m not the greatest on my Latin but I worked out what kind of spell it was. And I took it to the witch to see if she could do it”

John noticed that Dean was leaning in closer. Dare he say it, interested. “What was the spell”

“I-I don’t know what it’s called. But I know what it does. It basically lets your body reflect your mind. And if you’re feeling maybe a little…younger then it adjusts your body to match”

Dean’s eyebrows were once again furrowed in confusion. “Younger? What?”

“It’s a spell to help with age regression, Dean”

“Age re-what?” Dean asked.

John took a breath. “Age regression. It’s a type of therapy that helps with PTSD. And don’t tell me you don’t have some trauma. You bottle it like I do, but I’ve heard your nightmares. And I think this is a thing worth exploring. An option worth considering”

“So what? I basically act like a little kid, and this spell makes me a little kid?”

“Yeah, that’s the gist. But the thing about it all is that you still have all your memories, everything like that. It’s just a way to stop them being in the forefront of your mind for a while” John said. “The witch said it might take time for it to really work because leaning into it is a hard thing to nail. It takes practice”

“Dad, I don’t know” Dean muttered.

“This gives us a chance to be a normal family Dean, the way we should have lived after Mom” John said, the tone of his voice almost pleading in a way Dean hadn’t heard it get in a long time. He watched Dean deflate slightly.

“We’re not the way we should be though. Sam’s not here”

John nodded. “I know. But I thought maybe if we get to a good rhythm and he sees that things have changed, he might come home one day”

Dean flicked his eyes to John’s at that. “Home? We don’t have a home Dad”

“But we can. Don’t you get it Dean? I’m ready to take off my hunting boots forever. Hang ‘em up and treat my kids right for once. We can have a home with a garage, a yard, your own room, a fridge that’s always full of food. We can have that apple pie life” John said.

“What do you have to do?” Dean asked.

John sat up at this, not really sure he was ready for Dean to potentially be on board so soon. “Oh, well once the witch has all the ingredients then we-”

“No Dad, I mean what do you have to do for her? What’s the catch?” Dean asked.

How much is this going to cost?

“Right. Well, she only wanted one thing in return” John said with a clear of his throat.

“Not the Colt” Dean guessed, knowing John would nod but still annoyed when he did. “Dad! That gun is a game changer!”

“It was, we killed Yellow Eyes with it and now she can keep it, or another hunter can steal it one day.”

Dean thought on this all, chewing his bottom lip as he did.  “I-I don’t know, Dad”

“I know son, I know. This is a lot to put on you in the middle of the night. I don’t need an answer right now if you wanna do some research on it or whatever. If you don’t, then we keep hunting, but we take it easier on ourselves. If you do, then we find a house and we get out of the life” John said.

“But you love hunting”

John finally cracked a grin. “Too bad kid, I love you more”

“How does it work? I just magically change into a little kid?” Dean asked.

“You probably won’t when we first start. You’ve been a hard adult for most of your life, so it won’t be easy. Hell, there’ll be times when we probably wanna pull the pin. But this spell, it’s irreversible Dean so you really need to think hard on what that means if you say yes” John said.

“If I do this, and that’s a big if, I would still be able to be my normal age right? Like I’d just decide to feel 25 and the magic would work?” Dean asked.

John nodded. “That’s the idea, yeah. That’s why it’s important you know that you keep all the memories. It just also gives you a chance to push them aside in a healthy way, let your body and brain soak up the nurture you never got to have”

“It just seems too good to be true” Dean muttered, rubbing his eyes a little.

“I know, but to the witch so does the Colt and it’s locked in the Impala right now. But you get some sleep, we can talk on this more in the morning” John said. Dean nodded but didn’t move. John chuckled and stood, pushing Dean slightly so he was laying back in the bed again. He pulled the blankets tighter, tucking Dean in for the first time since Dean was four years’ old. “Go to sleep Deano”

“Hey, I’m still 25” Dean complained, but there was no weight behind it, only a tired smile. “Night Dad”

John smiled. “Night Son”

The light flicked off and John waited, listening for Dean’s breathing to even out, the confirmation that Dean was actually asleep. Sure John might not have seemed like the most attentive father on the outside, but he noticed the little things. He knew out of the two, Dean was the one who needed this the most. That ragged breathing even while he slept, the visions that played without permission in the depths of the night through Dean’s head. Dean needed this. And deep down, though John knew he’d never admitted, there was a part of Dean that wanted this. The normality of life, the chance to mess up without his drill sergeant of a father screaming at him.

And if Dean did this, then they were one step closer to convincing Sammy as well. Maybe John would even get a dog to sweeten the deal? Sam would hardly be able to resist. But Sam was another issue for another day. Right now it was about Dean and getting him to say yes, honestly yes no matter how long it took. This was not something John wanted Dean to feel compelled to do. This was completely different to everything they’d ever known.

John crawled under the blankets in his own bed, barely three feet from Dean’s. He smiles softly as he began to fall asleep.

“All in its time, Sweetheart, you’ll see”

Chapter Text

The gravel of the driveway crunched beneath the Impala’s tyres as a decent sized cottage came into view. Dean couldn’t help but take it in, eyes tracking the entire property from what he could see. There was a porch swing, planters by the front door, which was painted bright blue, a gate in the fence leading to the back yard. A double garage. It looked…homey. It looked like a real family lived here. Or at least they could. But the SOLD sticker on the sign staked in the front lawn reminded Dean it didn’t belong to a ‘normal family’, it now belonged to John. It was now their home.

Home. The word still sounded strange to Dean. After all, he hadn’t had a home in nearly 22 years. Not since John packed them up and left Lawrence at the end of 1983 after Mary died.

Dean didn’t even realise the car had stopped until John tapped him on the shoulder. He flinched slightly and turned his eyes away from the cottage to look at John who offered a small, maybe slightly uncertain smile, back.

“You like the place?” John asked, clearly nervous.

“Uh, yeah. It looks, cozy?” Dean said, equally as nervous. “It looks great, Dad”

It had been three weeks since the witch meet-up, since John had presented Dean with the idea of the spell and the age regression. And in those three weeks, John hadn’t pushed for an answer, but Dean had experimented a little. To see how easy slipping into something like this would be, how far he could go before John either caught on or rejected the idea himself.

The first thing Dean did was while they watched TV in the motel room. He’d gotten very tired and instead of just collapsing into one of the beds and passing out, he leaned over slightly, continuing to lean until his head made contact with John’s arm. And he’d fallen asleep there, only to John waking him an hour later and convincing him to go to bed.

The next thing came in the middle of one night. Dean woke, breathing heavily from the throes of a nightmare. The same one, Mary on the ceiling. But the twist added of not being able to get Sammy out in time. Without a word, he’d climbed into the other queen bed, the one John slept in, and tried to fall back asleep. It didn’t come until John wrapped an arm around Dean carefully, anchoring him there. And though Dean was still kind of ashamed to admit it, it was the best night’s sleep he’d had in a long time. Maybe ever.

Another test was honestly something Dean had never expected to work. He’d batted his lids slightly, in a move he learned from Sam Winchester, and asked if they could go get pie. John had simply nodded and reminded Dean to put a coat on as it was chilly out. They sat in a diner with pie and milkshakes, laughing as opposed to talking the facts of a case. It was different, maybe strange, but nice.

The final test came as a surprise to them both. It had been a long night of driving and John had finally pulled into the new motel for the night. Dean had fallen asleep in the front seat of the Impala and when John had tapped him to wake him and get Dean to come inside, Dean had simply grumbled and left his eyes closed. In his defence, he was exhausted. Which was the only reason he could even think of as to why he did this, but he reached his arms out a little. There was a hesitation, Dean could sense it even half asleep. But soon he felt John actually pulling him out of the car. Not lifting him, Dean was barely an inch shorter than John but still helping him out of the Impala and shouldering some of Dean’s weight in order to get him into the room.

And so when John had asked a few days ago if Dean had thought on it any more, Dean nodded and admitted he wanted to do it. He could already see the change in John, which was something Dean even mentioned when he stated his reasons for wanting to do this. It wasn’t just about getting the life he never had, it was about John getting something too. The chance to nurture, to be a real father.

Then everything happened quickly and the cottage, which John revealed had belonged to his grandparents and been left to him once his dad disappeared, became the new landing pad. Fully furnished and ready to go, this cottage was something new. This was home.

“Well, it’s not Kansas but Illinois is good enough, huh?” John said as they finally climbed out of the car. Dean grabbed his duffel, still unsure what to say. The front door opened with the key John had and the feeling immediately hit Dean. John turned to find his son nearly in tears. “Hey, what’s up?”

“I just, I don’t know. This place, it feels right. It feels like-”

“Home” John finished and Dean nodded, not daring to speak more lest his emotions betray him. “I know, I feel the same. Why don’t you explore it a bit? Go claim your room”

“My own room” Dean murmured, still not quite believing the fact that he was finally getting his own room for the first time ever. He made his way down the hall finding three bedrooms. Two the same size, with standard queen beds. One larger room across the hall, with an attached bathroom. The master. Without even considering it, Dean walked into one of the smaller rooms and set his duffel on the bed.

“You didn’t want the big one?” John asked, making Dean turn. John was leaned against the doorframe. Boots off, jacket off, arms folded and a smile on his face Dean had come to know better in the last three weeks.

“You get the master, Dad. That feels like the rules” Dean said. John’s smile softened a tiny bit.

“Yeah, okay. Thanks Dean. What do you feel like for dinner? We can go to the grocery store and stock up for later” John said, standing straight. All Dean offered in response was a shrug. Of course though, John noticed all the little things Dean didn’t think he did. He could see the internal conflict behind Dean’s eyes because sure, Dean had said yes but this was going to take a lot of time and there was going to be a lot of weirdness while everything settled. In a few days the witch would come and perform the spell. So John made the call, moving closer to the middle of the room where Dean stood, almost uncertainly. “I’ll go grab some stuff and maybe pick up some burgers on the way home. You can just stay here, take a shower, relax”

“I can come” Dean mumbled but the confidence in his voice was gone.

“That’s okay Sweetheart, I don’t mind. You stay home” John said, his hand briefly landing on Dean’s shoulder before turning and walking out. It didn’t take long for Dean to hear the front door open and close, and the Impala purr to life in the driveway.

Dean was still mildly puzzled about the whole thing. Even with the research he’d done on age regression and every question he’d asked John about it. And he’d done a lot of research, so much research that he felt like Sam.

God, Dean wanted to call Sam so bad. Ask if Dad was going insane. If he was possessed by something. But John had proved he wasn’t. He wore an anti-possession charm still and drank holy water to prove he wasn’t a demon, poured salt on his skin, cut himself with a silver knife. Not a ghost or a shapeshifter either. It took three weeks of convincing for Dean to realise his dad was just being…a dad. Something Dean wasn’t sure John Winchester had been in 20 years. Not really, not when he looks back on his earliest memories.

So Dean knew the only logical thing was to keep leaning in. He wasn’t sure when or even if he’d reach John’s breaking point of this being too weird. He’d heard John call him ‘Sweetheart’ on occasion when Dean was half asleep or when John thought he wasn’t listening, but that was the first time John had called him that directly to his face.

And if John’s breaking point didn’t come? Well then the spell would happen and maybe this whole bullshit thing would work. Actually work. Dean could actually have a childhood.

Dean shut himself in the main bathroom of the house, down the hall. The shower hissed to life. No mysterious stains, no residue of thousands of guests before him, no mould, no smells. Just decent water pressure and maybe the first time Dean had truly felt clean in his life. So he stood under the water for a longer time than he usually would, just letting the water wash over him.

Looking at himself in the mirror, Dean saw the hollowness John had noticed. And Dean knew it was true, he’d been going way too hard with hunting. Way too hard proving he could do this, proving he had the chops to make it as a hunter. Dean shuddered a little and headed to the bedroom he’d claimed. His own room, which still sounded too good to be true in Dean’s mind. It would have been easy to just throw on a pair of jeans and one of his grey henleys, but Dean remembered that he was still going to lean into this, so he pulled out some clothes from deep in the bottom of his duffle. His comfy black sweats and an item John had never seen.

It was a jumper that Dean never wore around John, only on the odd occasion when John would leave for a few days while Dean had the motel room to himself. It was a big oversized fleecy thing, and it was purple. But if John was wanting Dean to lean into this regression thing then Dean figured he didn’t have to wait for the spell that would come in a few days, he could start now.

After he dressed, Dean tested out the comfortability of the bed and found it so good that he nearly fell asleep on it, only catching himself when he was right on the verge and woke with a start.

While a nap would be nice, Dean wanted to explore the house. So he moved through, examining each of the bedrooms. The other room, the one Sam would stay in if he ever decided to come back, was currently identical to Dean’s, just inverted the opposite ways so their closets were on the same wall. John’s room was slightly bigger with the ensuite bathroom. The kitchen was big, but not huge. A solid oak dining table in the dining room, and a couch and recliners in the living room with an oak coffee table and even a TV. Dean paused, almost tempted to turn it on and sit and watch in a real living room for once. But the exploration continued. The laundry had a washer and a dryer, and the door to the back porch and yard. There was a patio with a little table and chairs. The yard was well fenced and flat, and there was an empty garden bed. Maybe they could grow some vegetables? And plenty of room for a dog if one day they decided to get one.

Dean saved the garage for last, finding it lined with work benches on one side and plenty of room for the Impala and a variety of tools. Dean could see it now, the door wide open in summer while they worked on the Impala together. He could see John buying other cars and fixing them up too, teaching Dean even more about mechanics. He stood in the empty garage for a while, just reflecting on the fact that he had a home. If Dean didn’t have better control over himself, he might have wept at the beauty of it.

Finally Dean made his way back inside, the concrete of the garage cold on his bare feet. He settled back in the living room and turned the TV on, tucking his feet underneath him to warm them up. There was even a fireplace here and Dean pictured winter nights in front of the fire, watching the game. All the things he’d missed out on, all the things he never imagined he’d have back again. And John, having John the way he should have always had someone in his corner.

Without even realising it, Dean slowly fell asleep on the couch. Finally relaxed, finally home.

Chapter Text

The witch arrived a few days later, just like she said she would. Dean was still worried. He’d been so on edge last night that he’d crawled into bed with John just to try get some sleep. And annoyingly enough, it had worked.

The witch began setting up in the garage while John and Dean waited in the house. John could see Dean’s nerves from a mile away. “You okay, Dean?”

“I guess, just anxious”

John smiled at that. “Yeah, me too”

“But this was your idea” Dean pointed out, John chuckling nervously in response.

“I know, but that doesn’t mean this feels easy. I wasn’t even that great at looking after you when Mary was still alive. I just don’t know if I’m cut out for it”

Dean bit his lip while he thought. “Well, I won’t be fully anything for a while at least, right? We can ease into it”

“Come with me for a sec?” John asked, extending his hand out. Dean wasn’t sure what prompted him to do so, but he took John’s hand and let his dad lead him through the house into the master bedroom, John’s room. “Here, you sit on the bed.”

Dean sat on the bed, folding his legs and looking up at his father. “What’s up?”

“I wanted to show you some things that I’ve been gathering, things to make this a little weird but also easier. Because while I love that you’d try ease into this for my sake, it’s not gonna work that way” John said.

“Let me guess, you brought diapers and stuff?” Dean asked.

John nodded. “I did. Because the way this is going to work best is if you immerse yourself fully from the get-go. I know you’ve been trying to ease yourself into it already but once this spell is done, I think you need to lean into it, completely”

“But won’t that be…I dunno, weird?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, it will be. For a bit. I’m just hoping that you have enough of that craving to be a kid again to let it work” John said. Dean nodded, thinking it over, and then he laid back on the bed. John chuckled. “What are you doing?”

“Thinking. I uh, you could. I mean, um. You could you know, put a diaper on me if you want?” Dean muttered, face heating immediately in shame and embarrassment.

“Only if you’re sure” John said. Dean nodded, quickly but certainly. He wanted John to do it before he changed his mind and bolted. John understood and pulled something out of his closet.

“Oh” Dean said when he saw it.

“What?” John asked, worried that Dean was going to absolutely refuse.

Dean sat up and looked at the plastic thing in John’s hands. It wasn’t boring white, it was speckled with light blue patterns and had a lion on the front. “I thought it was going to be plain. But it’s got patterns”

John smiled. “It does. Do you want to hold it for a bit? See how it feels in your hands?”

Dean shook his head, laying back once more. “I’m going to have to use them consciously for a while, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, I think so. But I want you to know that I’ve been thinking about this longer than you think. Long before I found that bitch in the garage” John said, Dean grinning at the witch being called a bitch. John continued. “Anyway, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time and if I didn’t plan on going into this fully then I wouldn’t have kept going. Does that make sense?”

“I guess” Dean admitted. “I’ve been testing you”

John chuckled. “I figured, I’m not backing out of this Sweetheart, I want to do this. And I want you to want to do this too, not just for me”

“I-I do. Want to do it, I mean” Dean stammered.

“Alright, we’re doing this” John agreed, beginning to pull Dean’s sweats and boxers off.

“Dad?” Dean said, making John stop.

“Yeah?”

“You can keep going, I just wanted to um, ask some things” Dean encouraged. John nodded, moving carefully. “Can I um, you know, maybe have a binky?”

John chuckled. “Of course. And I’ve got some comfier clothes arriving soon too.”

“And can I stop cutting my hair? Not long like Sammy’s but maybe longer than this?” Dean tested. John nodded.

“Yeah, sure buddy” John answered. Dean chewed on his lip a little more. John stopped and looked at him. “Dean, what else do you want or think might help? Honestly, I’m probably not gonna say no if it actually gets you to embrace your headspace”

Dean sighed, covering his face slightly. “I want a pink one”

“A pink what?” John asked. “A pink binky?”

Dean nodded, still hidden. He felt John guide his hips up to slide the diaper underneath him, the tabs soon fastening and the cushioning hugging Dean in a way that felt too good to be wrong, even though Dean knew to some degree it was. John hadn’t answered and soon Dean’s pants were pulled back into place. Dean dared to peek “Dad?”

“You can have whatever you like in whatever colour or pattern you like, Dean. We can look at some things online a little later. How about we get your purple jumper and put that on?” John said. Dean nodded. There was still a heat to his cheeks, even as his hand moved and gently palmed the padding he could feel through his pants. John noticed. “Everything okay?”

“Y-yeah, it’s comfy” Dean said with a nod, climbing off the bed. John grabbed something out of the closet and handed it to Dean. It was a green binky, but much bigger than any binky Dean had ever remembered seeing.

“We can still get you a pink one, Sweetheart, but this will do for now yeah?”

Dean nodded, taking it. He didn’t put it in his mouth just yet, he just held onto it. John left and returned with Dean’s beloved fleece jumper and helped slip it over Dean’s head. Something about being dressed by John felt mildly degrading but also caring in the weirdest way. It was enough for Dean to slide the binky into his mouth momentarily before pulling it out.

“What happens when I get smaller? All this stuff is made for my size now” Dean asked.

“Ah, I was wondering when you might ask that. Dean, I don’t know how the magic works, but the witch assured me that the magic works with your body and your things. They’ll shrink and grow as you do. So if you feel smaller and you end up smaller, the diapers, your clothes, the binky, they’ll all shrink too” John explained. Dean was kind of shocked, but he nodded and slipped the binky back into his mouth. It felt kind of relaxing and Dean felt himself smile behind it. John smiled too. “Now, she might be a while setting up, so why don’t we go watch some Scooby-Doo?”

Dean nodded and took John’s hand again, this time of his own volition, and let John lead him to the living room. The diaper crinkled as he walked, his legs slightly gaited due to the bulk of the padding, and it puffed out as Dean lowered himself onto the couch. John turned the TV on and Dean let himself watch. Even as an adult he liked the cartoon, so zoning out and pretending to watch it like a kid wasn’t actually all that difficult.

John didn’t sit and watch, he kind of moved around. He brought Dean a snack at one point, he checked on the witch, he moved through the house. It actually made this next part easier. Because Dean knew that the only way to get used to using the diapers was to just use them and it just so happened that Dean needed to pee, and kind of badly. Of course it was never going to be an easy thing to just do but it helped that John wasn’t in the room.

Doing his best to focus on the cartoons in front of him, Dean bit down on the binky just slightly, stilling his body and trying to convince himself to let go. What started as a small drip and a little spurt soon evolved into a steady stream. Dean didn’t even pause to fear if the diaper would hold it all, he just let go until he had nothing left to empty out. The diaper was warm and very squishy, noticeable when Dean shifted slightly. But using a hand to gently feel his pants, Dean was grateful to find them still dry. The diaper had held.

He relaxed after that, leaning back into the couch and releasing the slight clamp he had on the binky, letting it rest in his mouth again. The fear soon crept in that John would be mad at him, for wetting the diaper so soon into getting it put on. Dean stayed still when John came back in, not wanting to shift and let the squelch give it away.

“Hey, you okay?” John asked, picking up on Dean’s stillness. Dean nodded, eyes still focused on the TV. John turned the TV off and crouched in front of Dean. Dean’s breathing became ragged quickly. “Deano, it’s okay. You don’t have to be scared of enjoying this”

Still with the binky in his mouth, Dean managed to mumble two words “’m fine”

“Okay, are you nearly ready for this? She’s almost done” John asked. Dean nodded and John stood, extending a hand to Dean. Dean took it carefully, standing to his feet and trying not to move too much. But John heard it and John gently reached down and patted the diaper through Dean’s sweats. Taking his hand back from John, Dean hid his face. John was undeterred. “Let’s see the damage, huh?”

Then Dean’s sweats were pulled down and Dean felt himself go bright red. “Dad!”

“Relax, I’m just checking how wet you are, Sweetheart. Seeing if we need a clean diaper already or not” John said, continuing. Dean could feel him pushing the diaper a little, it made Dean all squirmy. John pulled Dean’s pants back into place. “It’s not too wet, but if you want another one because it’s uncomfortable then we can do that”

Dean finally peeked out from behind his hands, pulling the binky out. “Y-you’re not mad at me?”

“God no, Dean. Mad? At you for doing exactly what I asked? Sweetheart, I could never be mad at that” John said, pulling Dean’s hands gently away from his face. “There, let me see those eyes. Dean, if you don’t want to do this, then we don’t. It’s as simple as that”

“No I do, I-I just got scared” Dean said, sounding more child-like than he realised. John’s eyes were soft though, kind, the way Dean had found himself getting used to after the last three weeks. Dean took a deep breath. “I’m ready”

“Okay, let’s go” John said, taking Dean’s hand without reservation. Dean found his own reservations were gone as well.

“Dad?”

“Yeah?” John replied.

Dean reached up with his free hand and pulled the binky out. “When I’m you know, littler, will you be able to carry me?”

“I think so. Would you like that?”

“Yeah” Was all Dean could offer in response, but he did squeeze John’s hand briefly, feeling John squeezing back.

The witch was waiting in the garage, just outside of a large intricate design drawn on the floor in chalk. Bowls of different things were laid out, and she guided Dean to the middle of the circle of designs and different sigils. Dean was reluctant, not wanting to let go of John’s hand, but John guided the binky back into Dean’s mouth and kissed him softly on the forehead.

“I do need to hear it from him, Winchester” The witch said. John nodded.

“Dean, she needs you to say that you agree to the spell being used.” He said to Dean who nodded, pulling the binky out.

“I-I consent. I know what I’m getting into” Dean stammered slightly, shoving the binky right back in. The witch nodded.

“Okay, I’ll start the incantation. Dean, it’s very important you don’t move from the circle until I tell you to, understand?” She asked. Dean nodded.

Then the witch lit a match and dropped it into one of the bowls, sending purple flames, and began chanting in Latin. Dean didn’t feel anything at first except a light tingling. But it grew and he felt as though his whole skeleton was vibrating. But it didn’t hurt, so Dean knew that it was probably working.

John watched on, arms folded in suspense. He knew it would take time to get Dean at the proper size for whatever his headspace was, but this was finally the moment that it could start happening for real. The moment everything changed. And if he played his cards right, this could be the first of two times he gets to watch this happen. He wanted Sammy home just as much as he wanted to do this for Dean. He’d only feel truly fulfilled if he got the chance to do right by both his sons.

The witch yelled one final sentence in Latin and there was a purple flash that rippled through the garage. John went to move but the witch held him back. “He can’t leave the circle yet. Give it time, Winchester”

“Is he okay?” John asked. “Tell me, is he okay?”

The flash died down and Dean still stood in the circle. Still in his purple jumper, still with his green binky, but unbelievably to John maybe a few inches shorter. The fire went out, the smoke cleared, and finally the witch smiled. “He’s okay, it worked. You can step out now Dean”

Dean took a few wobbly steps out of the circle and John rushed to him, holding him up. “D-Dad, you got taller?”

John beamed. Dean was no longer over 6 foot, he was maybe 5’9 at best. “No Sweetheart, you got smaller”

“It worked?” Dean asked, looking at himself. The binky felt the same in his mouth, the jumper was the same bagginess it had been when Dean had bought it, his sweats still fit him the same. Hell, even the diaper felt like it had. But if John hadn’t grown… “I’m smaller”

“You are. Hey, I’m going to settle things in here, why don’t you go back and watch some more TV if you want?” John said, realising the witch was still hanging around, needing her payment most likely. Dean looked uncertain but John smiled. “Go on Dean, I’ll be in soon”

Dean nodded and made his way back to the living room, turning Scooby-Doo back on and letting the cartoons take his focus once more.

In the garage, John retrieved the Colt and handed it over. The witch examined it, probably wanting to make sure it was real, and smiled. “This is one hell of a gun”

“You remember our deal? If my second son comes home and agrees to this then I want the same spell, the same way. No funny business” John said, no warning in his tone, just finality.

“I’m a witch of my word. As long as you’re not planning on killing me”

John chuckled. “I know you can sense the protection on this house. I’m not a hunter anymore, just a father with a second chance he never thought he’d get”

“I’ll admit, your son shrunk faster than I’d have expected. Makes me think you’re doing the right thing and he knows it too.”

“You might hear from me again, but you’ve got the gun now, so we’re done here for the minute” John said. The witch nodded, understanding the hint. She collected the last of her things and then left. John finally breathed out in relief.

And sitting on the couch in the lounge was a man who was slowly going to become the boy he always should have been, the one he never had the chance to be.

Just a kid.

Chapter Text

The next morning Dean woke, still the same height as yesterday after the spell. He’d leaned into it all night. Let John change his diaper, let John give him a bath, allowed himself to be tucked in with a bedtime story. Dean could feel the magic moving inside him. He wanted it to work, he wanted to lean in even further, but something was blocking the way.

He’d been cuddled, he’d been carried a tiny bit, he’d been fed. He even let John give him a bottle with warm milk in it. He didn’t know how he could try harder, but he knew if he didn’t figure it out then the magic might never fully work.

John could see Dean’s disdain at breakfast. “Remember, it takes time Dean. You’ve got to be patient, keep doing things how we’re doing ‘em”

Dean sighed. “I know, I just hate this feeling of it being almost right but not quite there”

“Well, how about we settle and look at some things online? Toys, clothes, whatever diapers and things you want. We can finally order your pink binky” John suggested. Dean’s mind was moving a different way.

“C-can I wear normal clothes today? Boxers?”

John frowned. “Dean-”

“I know, I know. Lean in fully. But I-I just have an idea that might help” Dean said.

“What idea?” John implored. Dean’s face heated. “Dean”

“I don’t know, I just thought maybe moving for toddler was too ambitious. We could have a-a step in between”

“What kind of step?” John asked, genuinely interested this time.

“Maybe you uh, maybe you make it more childish, and um remind me to go?”

“Go? To the bathroom?” John asked.

Dean nodded. “A-and maybe if I um, don’t make it, then you can clean me up and put a diaper on?”

John smiled in realisation. “So you want me to make sure you go potty? And put you in a diaper if you have an accident? That’s what you want?”

“I-I don’t know. I just think it might make me feel a little more helpless” Dean muttered. “Forget it, it’s stupid”

“Actually Dean, I think it’s a good idea. But that means that until you’re ready to be really little then no binky unless it’s bed time” John said, reaching over and unclipping the green binky from Dean’s pyjama shirt, which at the minute was just a henley. “You finish up breakfast and then you can go and get dressed. Make sure you go potty as well”

Dean nodded, finishing his cereal. The blush was still there, but it was a good kind of embarrassed. Dean knew he needed this step, because after Mary had died he had never remembered a single accident that didn’t end with John yelling at him. Never Sam, even when toilet training and frequently wetting himself, Sam never got yelled at. But Dean had. And right now, Dean thought John had understood his reasoning and that’s why he was allowing it. A chance to make mistakes and not be scolded but reassured.

Upstairs Dean pulled his own diaper off, still dry even though John had made him sleep in it. He pulled on his boxers and a pair of gray sweats, ones he knew wouldn’t hide any wetness. A plain black t-shirt. Still maybe too big in age, but there would be new clothes to make him feel childish soon enough. Dean made his way to the bathroom and brushed his teeth before peeing and heading back down stairs. “Ready”

“Did you go potty?” John asked and Dean nodded.

“Uh-huh”

“And you washed your hands?”

Dean nodded again. “And brushed my teeth”

“Good boy, alright should we take a look online?”

Dean nodded and settled at the table, next to John who had his laptop set up. Dean pointed out things as John scrolled past them, things he thought might be good. Colouring books and crayons, toy cars, soft blankets, a shirt with dinosaurs on it, the pink binky. Dean also spotted pull-ups and John agreed, they could be a big help for this transitional stage Dean was trying to move towards. “Dad?”

“Yeah Sweetheart?”

“Maybe um, maybe today I only go potty if you tell me to?” Dean suggested, threatening to blush at the use of the word potty. John nodded.

“I think that’s a good idea”

“And maybe I um, maybe I can have the binky if I want it? To make me feel smaller”

John chuckled this time. “No buddy, you’re trying to be a big boy aren’t you? Well big boys don’t use their binkies during the day”

Dean was a little shocked how on board with this idea John was. But he’d kind of grown used to the soothing plastic and this might actually be a backfire. Or he could use it to force something new. So Dean did the next logical thing he could think of and began to suck on his thumb. “’Kay”

“Alright, I’m not gonna let you do that all day though, alright?” John said and Dean nodded. “Okay, let’s find some more things”

Soon the supplies were ordered and Dean decided to settle in the living room to play with the blocks John had bought in anticipation of this. John watched on fondly as Dean stacked towers high, just to knock them down and try a different configuration.

John knew he couldn’t abuse this phase. He couldn’t just deny Dean the bathroom on purpose to force him into an accident. John had a feeling after a few days of this, Dean would have an ‘accident’ and be ready to move back to diapers and things, and he knew it was important to let Dean set the pace. So after cleaning up breakfast, getting himself ready, and making a second coffee, John moved into the living room.

“Hey Sweetheart, you feeling ready for a snack?” John asked.

“We got the cookies?” Dean asked.

“Sure do”

“Okay”

John smiled. “Alright, I’ll make you something. How about you try and go potty for me?”

He saw Dean’s face redden but Dean nodded and stood, moving for the bathroom. He walked back out a few minutes later and John had set the snack plate on the table, with a sippy cup of apple juice. “Thanks Dad”

“Did you tinkle?” John asked.

“No” Dean said honestly, he hadn’t needed to.

“Alright, I’ll check a little later. You gonna be okay if I work on the Impala for a bit?” John asked.

“Can I come help?” Dean asked.

“Once you finish your snack. Make sure you clean up your blocks” John said and Dean nodded, beginning to eat the snack food John had left for him. He sipped back on the juice, the sippy cup easier to manage than the bottle in Dean’s mind.

Then Dean decided to play with the blocks for a little longer before the clanging from the garage reminded him that Dad was working on the Impala. He left his blocks all over the floor, took his sippy cup that was still half full, and moved for the garage.

“What are you doing to her?” Dean asked, peering into the hood. He knew, but he figured a kid wouldn’t know and would need to be told.

“Replacing her spark plug. You clean up your blocks?” John asked.

“Um, no?” Dean realised. He’d left them on the floor.

“Go clean ‘em up Sweetheart, then you can come help” John encouraged.

Dean tore his eyes away from the Impala and headed back to the living room, putting his blocks back in their basket before getting back to the garage. “Done”

“Good job. Need to go potty?”

“Uh-uh, not yet” Dean said with a headshake, finding leaning into this age a little easier. “Can I help?”

“Sure, why don’t you hand me the socket wrench?” John asked. Dean grabbed the tool and handed it over.

They went like this back and forth for a little. Dean felt a twinge in his bladder near the end but remembered the deal that he wouldn’t go to the bathroom unless John asked him. John did notice and decided to wait just a touch longer until Dean did a proper squirm.

“Hey Sweetheart, can you go potty for me? I think your body is trying to tell you something” John said and Dean nodded, heading inside and finally relieving himself in the bathroom. He washed his hands after, taking a little extra care as they were covered in grease from working on the car.

Back in the garage, he approached the hood again and decided to use the child-like terms John seemed to be coining. “I tinkled”

“Good boy, and you washed your hands, so I think no more touching the greasy parts hmm? Don’t worry, I’m almost done” John said. Dean managed to keep his hands to himself, occupying one by putting his thumb in his mouth while John wasn’t looking. When John finally finished and closed the hood, he saw. “Dean, thumb out Sweetheart”

Dean pulled his thumb out and moved back into the house when John did, following him to the bathroom while John washed his own hands. John had to chuckle, he knew Dean was going to be clingier. What he didn’t know is how far Dean planned to take this phase of being told to go to the bathroom before he finally had an accident and ended up in diapers. But he’d take it as it came. Dean looked up at John. Really up, there now being nearly a whole foot of height difference between them. Dean had shrunk again. “Scooby?”

“Yeah, you go watch some Scooby. I’m gonna grab a quick snack” John said.

“My cup is empty” Dean said.

John smiled. “I’ll give you some water, but we’ll wait for more juice until lunch, okay?”

Dean nodded. “’Kay”

John retrieved Dean’s sippy cup and filled it with water, handing it to Dean who was now settled on the couch watching TV. “I’ll remind you to try go potty soon, okay buddy?”

“Okay Dad” Dean replied, eyes still focused on the TV while he sipped back from the cup.

John was in disbelief. Not that the spell was working. Well, he was kind of still shocked about that, witches weren’t known for being the most trustworthy. But more that it was working so fast, that Dean was really leaning into it.

If Sammy could see, if Sammy understood then this could work. For both of ‘em.

But it wouldn’t be so simple. If John was honest, which he often was, Sam was the most like him. The most stubborn. And though John hadn’t spoken to Sam since the boy left three years ago now, Dean had. And Dean had told John that Sam was about to finish pre-law and they were looking at offering him another full ride to go to law school.

Of course John wanted to do right by his boys. And if given the chance to treat Sam this way too, John would jump at it. But even repairing the damage and letting Sam move on with his life like this? Becoming a lawyer, settling down, marrying a nice girl? Well, John may not have been the most attentive, but he’d know enough to know that was still doing right by Sammy, still letting him be himself. And so John knew he would have to take things as they came and knew once Dean was fully settled that inviting Sam to come home for a weekend or something to patch things up would be best.

Extending the olive branch, as it were.

By the time lunch was ready Dean had been sent to the bathroom once more and told off for his thumb twice. John had fulfilled his promise of more apple juice with lunch, and Dean’s food was on a plastic plate. Dean barely noticed, or if he did then he didn’t let it show in his expression.

“What should we do about the back yard? Maybe we could get a jungle gym or something?” John suggested while they ate. Dean didn’t respond. “Deano? You okay?”

“Fine” Dean mumbled, eating slower than he usually would. John realised he’d served a meal the normal sized Dean would usually eat.

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to eat it all if you’re not hungry. Just eat as much as you can or want” John said. Dean did put the remainder of his sandwich down and then stuck his thumb in his mouth. “Hey Dean-”

“No” Dean mumbled around his thumb, indicating he was not so keen on taking it out. John decided to let it slide for now.

“Okay, I get it. What do you think? Need a little nap? Maybe a drive?”

Dean shook his head. “TV”

“You go watch TV then Sweetheart, it’s okay if you fall asleep” John said, letting Dean go. Dean shuffled into the living room and curled up on the couch, thumb pushed into his mouth.

All John wanted to do was let Dean have the binky, be as small as John wanted him to be. But he stopped himself. He knew Dean was right and that this was smart. It was just after all the research and effort John had put in, he wasn’t really expecting this stage of teetering on the edge. Still if Dean needed it then John would let it happen.

Chapter Text

By the time John was running the bath that night, Dean was still clean and dry. But the mood had shifted and John could tell. He knew Dean would get frustrated with the waiting and wondered what he could do to make the transition a bit easier.

For now, having Dean in the warm water might help.

“Alright Deano, bath time” John called out. Dean came through the open bathroom door, still hovering at nearly a foot shorter, maybe 5’3. And there was a familiar piece of green plastic in his mouth. John didn’t scold or sigh, he just nodded. “I get it, tough day being a big boy hmm? You still want a diaper for bed?”

Dean nodded and John carefully removed the clip from the binky so Dean could have the binky in while he got his bath. Then he undressed Dean and helped the boy into the water. The shrinking was a given, but it had also caused Dean to look skinnier, a little more like a kid. John had ordered bath toys but tonight Dean would have to go without. Which it didn’t look like Dean minded, he looked pretty cooked to be honest. It would be an early night tonight.

John didn’t try make Dean talk, just filled the space with mindless narration as he washed Dean’s body and shampooed his hair. Dean didn’t offer any conversation either, just kept the green binky firmly in his mouth.

By the time John was pulling Dean out of the water, Dean was practically boneless. John ended up wrapping Dean in a towel and carefully picking him up. But though Dean was still taller than a child, he was lighter and lifting him was actually an easy thing. John moved Dean into Dean’s room and laid him on the bed, drying him off gently before sliding a clean diaper underneath him and securing it. Dean looked like he was about to fall asleep where he was.

Once Dean was dressed and tucked into bed, John did the bedtime story and asked Dean if he wanted milk or anything. He shook his head, eyes half closed, and John decided to let him sleep, kissing Dean softly on the head and murmuring a ‘night Sweetheart’ before half closing Dean’s door and moving to clean the bathroom up.

By the time John had straightened the house and sat on the couch, he figured Dean was fast asleep. He himself was a little tired so he might end up heading to bed earlier than usual. But for now he put on an old Eastwood movie and began to watch.

When the footsteps wandered from down the hall, John had to bite back a chuckle. Because if this was Dean leaning in, then Dean was really leaning in. Avoiding bedtime, and John couldn’t wait for the excuses. Thirsty, bad dream, one last cuddle.

What John didn’t expect was Dean to shuffle his way into the living room, eyes rimmed red with tears.

“Hey, Dean? What’s wrong, Sweetheart?” John asked softly as Dean stopped right in the threshold of the living room. Dean sniffled, hiccupping behind the binky a little as well. John stood to approach, but Dean scooted back. “Dean, it’s okay. Tell me what’s wrong”

“D-daddy mad?” Dean’s small voice came. A smaller voice than John had expected. And by the looks of him, a now smaller Dean. A Dean that had called him Daddy of all things. John crouched down and knelt close.

“Of course not, Sweetheart. Come here, tell me what’s wrong” John beckoned. Dean shuffled a little closer. Then closer. And then finally close enough, John reached out and folded Dean into his arms.

It could be so many things. Maybe this wasn’t Dean and the spell was working too fast? Maybe it was working like normal, but Dean was scared at how fast it seemed to be going? Maybe-

The smell caught John before the thought formed. A very distinct smell that John knew, though he hadn’t thought about how specific it was in about eighteen years.

Poop. 

In Dean's diaper.

John couldn't even remember the last time he changed a dirty diaper. So he reached and carefully pulled the waistband of Dean’s sweats and the diaper back, peeking in. Well that explained a lot.

“Oh Sweetheart, were you scared I would get mad because you pooped?” John asked in a soft voice.

“I-I accident” Dean stammered from behind the binky. John stood, carefully bringing Dean with him, letting Dean melt into the contact.

“No, no Deano. I’m not mad. I’m glad you went in your diaper, because that’s what it’s for. And it makes sense why you were so off this afternoon, hmm? It’s okay, we can get you cleaned up easily” John reassured, walking Dean back down to his room.

“Daddy, I-I tinklin’!” Dean cried, arms tightening around John's neck. Sure enough, John felt the diaper expand with a warmth that hit his memories like a freight train..

“Shh, it’s okay. Diapers are for night time accidents. If you want to be a big boy and use the potty tomorrow then you can Sweetheart, but you’re tired and using your diaper is okay” John crooned, laying Dean on the bed and shimmying the sweats off his legs. A properly wet and dirty diaper, and on what was realistically day one no less. “You are doing exactly what you should Dean. What’s your head feeling like? A little small?”

“S-small” Dean agreed.

“Okay Sweetheart, Daddy’s going to clean you up now” John whispered, undoing the tabs and beginning to wipe away the mess. “At least there’s one positive. Your poop isn’t nearly as bad as Sammy’s”

This got Dean giggling, albeit through tears and hiccups. “S-Sammy stinky”

“Sammy sure is stinky. Hey, you remember that time we got Mexican food on that case in Arizona?” John asked.

Dean properly laughed this time, the binky sliding out of his mouth. “Sammy clogged the potty!”

John laughed too. “He sure did. And you had to tinkle outside because he couldn’t stop”

Dean’s laughing died down and he yawned. “Daddy?”

“Yeah Sweetheart?” John asked.

“This good?”

John nodded with a big smile. “This is good Dean. Is this okay for you?”

Dean nodded, thumb sliding into his mouth absently and staying until John finished taping the clean diaper on. John offered the binky back and Dean let it replace his thumb. “I be a big boy tomorrow?”

“You wanna do the same tomorrow? Daddy telling you when to go potty?”

“Uh-huh a-and I have no accidents”

John grinned. “I’m sure you won’t. But if you do, then that’s okay and we’ll just clean you up. Come on now stinker, it’s time for bed”

After Dean was tucked back into the bed with the blankets wrapped right around him, his eyes were beginning to flutter shut. Still, Dean seemed to fight it enough to ask. “Daddy?”

“Yeah Deano?”

A comical yawn. “I sleep wif Daddy?”

“You wanna come sleep in my bed with me?”

“Mmm” Dean agreed, eyes shutting properly.

“I just tucked you in. Alright then, come on you” John said, scooping Dean out of the bed and walking him to the master bedroom across the hall. John knew better than to try leave before Dean was fully asleep, so he climbed under the covers too and waited until Dean’s breathing slowed and his body melted into the mattress.

It gave John time to think. Unfortunately it was to think on his own actions, the way he treated his own son where regressing to a younger frame of mind so quick came on so easily. Even people with PTSD struggled with the headspace thing. John had read every article, every forum, every thread. People leaned into it sure, but it still took months for the full effect to really take, for the restorative regression to truly kick in. And yet here was Dean, not even 5 foot anymore, calling John Daddy again. Already worrying about making John mad.

Which meant that John’s instincts here, maybe for the first time since Dean was born, were right. Giving them both the chance to do it all over again. All he needed now was to make amends with Sam.

In his sleep, Dean shuffled subconsciously closer to John. His movement continued as he tossed and turned, so John pulled him close and rubbed a hand up and down Dean’s back. “Shh, Deano. It’s okay. I’m here”

“Mmm. Daddy?” Dean’s sleepy voice came.

“Go back to sleep Sweetheart”

“Wan’ Sammy” Dean said, small, almost a whimper.

“I know, I want Sammy here too” John said with a sigh. “More than anything I want him here with us”

“Call him?”

“Oh not right now buddy, It’s uh, it’s late” John bluffed. Dean cracked an eye open and saw the alarm clock on John’s bedside table. While it read nearly 9 pm, Dean knew enough to know California was 2 hours behind, meaning it was barely 7 pm where Sam was. He gave John a pointed look. John had to laugh. “I’m not going to call him tonight Dean, I wouldn’t even know where to begin to explain all of this”

“When?” Dean asked.

“Jeez, you do not give up do you?” John said with a laugh. “Look Dean, I want Sammy to be here so much, but we’ve gotta give the dust time to settle. Not just with you and I, but between he and I too. I promise though, I’m gonna call him and get him to come visit. Hopefully stay, but I can’t promise that and you know it”

“I just miss him”

“Yeah Sweetheart, you and me both. For now, let’s get some sleep and tackle tomorrow first okay?”

Dean yawned and settled back down in John’s arms. “’Kay. Night Daddy”

“Night Sweetheart, sleep well” John whispered, as Dean’s body relaxed into sleep once more.

John laid awake, with Dean pinned against his arm, and pulled out his phone. If he called Sam now, there’s no telling Sam would even answer. But he could send him a text.

The only thing was John didn’t know what to say. How to apologise for eighteen years of crap that ended with that final fight. The fight that sent Sam packing for good. Maybe John had meant it back then, but clarity and time had helped and now he’d take it all back in an instant. And it had been three years. Three years of John and Dean throwing themselves into hunt after hunt, three years since John had even spoken to Sam.

He remembered the night he hit Dean when he found out Dean had called Sam and was ‘taking a case’ in San Francisco. Too many beers and the news made him snap, and he’d had to hunt with Dean for two whole weeks after while the ugly bruise over Dean’s right eye healed up. A constant reminder that he didn’t deserve either of his kids.

And yet somehow Dean still idolised him, still thought John walked on water. Well, those memories would never truly leave. But John could truly change. Hell, he had changed. And the evidence spoke for itself with the way Dean had allowed himself to change too, in such a short time no less. But Sam, Sam would be a different story.

Sam had never seen eye-to-eye with John, about any of it. Even when Sam was good on hunts in the later years before he fucked off to college, it was spite and they both knew it. Spite because John had told Sam that he didn’t have what it takes to be a hunter, not like him, not like Dean. Sam wasn’t smart enough, wasn’t fast enough. John would tell Sam if he ever went out on his own to hunt, he’d be killed in the first half an hour.

There was truth in it, Sam wasn’t made to live a hunter’s life. John could see that plain as anything right from the beginning. But he became harsh, treated Sam the way he treated Dean. God what John wouldn’t give to go back and steward it instead of quashing it. Sam would have still gone to college, but John would be able to call him and catch up rather than hope the call didn’t bounce. Hell, Sam had probably changed his number.

Still, John knew he had to try. If for nothing else than for Dean’s sake. And once the explanation and the revelation of the spell came to light, John wouldn’t expect Sam to do the same. But maybe it would be enough for Sam to decide to stay in their lives a bit more, for Dean.

John’s thumb moved across the keypad as quietly as he could, drafting and deleting sentence after sentence. Finally he landed on a simple message and decided it would be up to Sam to open the door.

Dean and I have settled in Normal, IL. If you ever want to come visit, say the word.

And hopefully Sam would get it and John could begin phase two of doing right by his boys.

Chapter Text

By the time Sam agreed to come home, it had been almost a month of phone calls.

The first call Sam had ignored completely. He didn’t believe in the ‘settled down’ crap John had fed him. They’d be working a case in Illinois that would be taking longer than normal and would be back on the road in a week.

John called a week later and this time Sam picked up. As soon as John said they were in Illinois, Sam had scoffed and asked how much longer they’d be there before hanging up. John hadn’t even gotten a chance to apologise.

When John called back after a few days, he finally got out what he wanted to say. He started by telling Sam he was sorry, he hadn’t meant any of it, he was proud of Sam for getting to college, and that he and Dean were out of hunting for good. Sam was shocked and still didn’t believe John, so he made up the lame excuse of needing to study and hung up once more.

By the third week, Sam was more certain than anything that something was wrong. John said he needed to tell him something important. And so Sam listened while John detailed the epiphany he’d had about how he treated the boys, the spell he’d found, and Dean’s agreement to it. John stated very clearly he was not asking Sam to do the same, but to think about visiting on day soon, as he and Dean both wanted to see Sam.

And so a month after that first call, Sam boarded a plane to Chicago and made his way to the address John had given him very early one morning.

Something was up. Either there was some monster that had Dean and John captive and was either manipulating John’s mind or impersonating him. Or what John was saying was real and Dean had been forced into something, despite John’s attempts to assure Sam it was all consensual.

Sam carefully approached the house, knife hooked into his belt loop, ready to draw at the first sign of issue. It struck him as he walked to the front door that the Impala was parked in the drive intentionally, not like they’d pulled up in a hurry to kill some monster. He didn’t know whether to pick the lock or knock. It turned out he didn’t need to do either, the door swung open while Sam stood on the porch and there stood John with a kid in his arms. The kid had sandy blond hair, green eyes, and a pink pacifier in his mouth. He wore red pyjamas with fire trucks on them. He looked like Dean, hell he looked a lot like Dean.

“Sammy!” The kid exclaimed, arms raised in celebration. Sam kept a grip on the handle of his knife.

“What did you do to him?” Sam demanded of John.

“Please, let me explain. Please” John begged. This took Sam by surprise, as he’d never known John to be the begging type. Sam gradually moved his hand off the knife and walked through the front door.

“This place looks…normal” Sam commented. John nodded with a small smile.

Sam took the time to really study things. Dean was gripping onto John and now hiding his face. Sam didn’t know at the time, but he would find out later that it was because Sam hadn’t been excited to see him. John looked different too. He was in jeans, but no boots, no leather jacket, and there was no sign of a hardened look on his face. His beard was actually a beard, styled and trimmed. Dean’s hair was longer too.

“Will you come sit and have a cup of coffee? I want a chance to tell you the whole story and then you can choose to stay or to go” John asked. Sam nodded, toeing off his shoes and following John through the house and into the dining room. John set Dean on his feet and encouraged him to go play or watch TV. Dean cast one final look at Sam before slowly walking into what must have been the living room. John turned back to Sam. “Drink?”

“What’s going on here Dad?” Sam asked.

John sighed. “Alright, sit. I’ll try to explain.”

They sat and Sam heard the sounds of cartoons playing on the TV. “He’s really watching cartoons?”

“Yeah, he loves ‘em. We’re trying to get more of a routine going so this is the first morning he’s been allowed cartoons in about a week” John said with a chuckle. “Look, Dean is completely on board with this. I didn’t force him into anything. I just found the spell and suggested the idea. He was the one who ultimately said yes”

“You got him to say yes to a spell that turns him into a kid?” Sam asked.

“It’s not that kind of spell. Dean is still very much 25. But the spell helps with the therapy, the age regression stuff. The reason he’s so small is because he’s leaning into it. And maybe one day he decides he’s had enough of being little and decides to be himself. He decides that and he wakes up how he was. He still has all his memories, this is just a chance to give them a rest from being in his immediate memory, a chance to push ‘em aside” John began.

“A chance for you to try be better this time around” Sam said.

“That’s part of it. But I didn’t do this selfishly, Sam. I know what it looks like, but what I did to the pair of you growing up wasn’t fair to either of you. And I thought if anybody deserved a second chance, it would be you boys. This is just what a second chance looks like for Dean”

Sam nodded. “And how does it look for me?”

“Well, that’s your call. I’m more than happy to let you go back to California and live your life, but I need a chance to try and make things right. Even if you don’t want it, if you leave here today and refuse to talk to me ever again, I still took the chance. I don’t want to live with it if that’s what you choose, but I will. I’m sorry Sam, and I mean it. I’m proud of you, I just wanted a chance to tell you that. Where we go from here? It’s on you now” John said. There was an undertone of emotion Sam wasn’t expecting if he was honest.

“How do I know you’re not just going to flake on Dean and leave him more confused than ever with this magic running through him?” Sam asked.

John leaned forwards slightly. “Because I tore myself apart on this decision for months before I even sought out the witch who performed the spell. And still agonised over it in the three weeks it took Dean to decide he wanted to do it. This isn’t a fleeting thing, Sam. This is me realising I really fucked up and wanting to unfuck things. Dean’s letting me and that’s healing enough, but I’d like you to let me too. However that looks”

Sam didn’t have a smartass reply for once. He glanced around the kitchen and dining room, trying to find some sort of anomaly. In the dish rack sat regular dishes but also a very child-like plate and even a few sippy cups. So Sam stood and opened the fridge. This was usually where he’d find a six pack and leftover pizza, but inside were fresh produce, milk, yoghurt, cheese. And no beer. The cupboards were the same. Snacks, pasta, cereals, bread.

So he took himself through the house. John didn’t follow, he couldn’t explain anything more to Sam. Sam was either going to get it or he wasn’t. Sam found Dean’s room first. A standard queen bed, but there were bumpers on it. Toys, a variety of colourful clothes all hanging in the closet. They all looked small, like they would fit Dean now but if John was telling the truth about this whole thing then if Dean woke up 6’1 and 25 again tomorrow, the clothes would be that size.

What really struck Sam was the outlets. They all had covers on them. Not just the ones in Dean’s room, but in the spare room next door and in the master bedroom which Sam recognised to be John’s. Sam went through a few of the usual hiding places. No knife under the pillow, no sawed-off hiding under John’s socks.

There was a slip proof mat on the floor of the bath tub and one on the floor of the shower in the main bathroom. A little basket suctioned to the bath’s wall full of colourful toys. As far as the age regression thing went, John was telling the truth. But whether he was also being truthful about Dean’s involvement was yet to be decided.

He made his way back to the dining room and kitchen, where John still sat at the table.

“This place looks like a kid lives here” Sam said, which was his stubborn Winchester way of saying John was telling the truth.

“He’s a really sweet kid Sam, sweeter than I ever got to see him. But I guess I didn’t really get to see it, did I?” John said softly. Sam’s eyes flicked towards the living room where cartoons were still playing but the sounds of toys smashing together were also emanating from the room. John watched Sam’s face. “You can go see him, if you want to”

“Dad…this is like next level freaky. Even for you” Sam said carefully.

“I know, and I’m sorry for telling you after the fact. I wasn’t actually sure you’d pick up the phone at all, let alone come here”

Sam turned to look at John. “I thought a monster had gotten you guys. A shapeshifter, maybe a demon”

John walked closer and held his arm out. “Here”

“What?”

“Cut me with silver, pour holy water on me, sprinkle salt. I’m not any sort of monster, Sammy” John all but pleaded.

“I believe you” Sam managed to say. And maybe he did, but this was all still very weird.

“Will you stay? Even for a night? Dean really wanted to see you. It’s all he’s talked about since we moved in really” John asked, not wanting to push or force. Trying to prove to Sam he really had changed.

Sam opened his mouth, but no words came out. He didn’t know what to say, but the voice that came next wasn’t even his.

“Daddy?” A small voice from the threshold came. Sam turned instinctively to find Dean standing there. The pink binky was gone now, and Dean was rubbing his eyes a little.

“Hey Sweetheart, you okay?” John asked softly as he crouched to Dean’s level. Dean shuffled forwards.

“Sammy don’t wanna see me?”

John scooped Dean up. “Hey, remember what I said? He definitely wants to see you, but we have to give him some time Deano. He only just found out about all this”

“You tell him De sayed yes?”

John nodded. “I did, told him this was all your decision”

Dean turned and let his big green eyes land on Sam. Sam couldn’t look away. For a while neither brother spoke. Sam didn’t want to say the wrong thing, Dean didn’t have the right words.

Finally though, Dean took the first step. “I little, Sammy”

Sam’s laugh choked out, because yeah Dean was very little. Probably the size of a four-year-old. “Yeah, you are. You um, you don’t mind being little?”

Dean shook his head. “I can swim in the baff now! An-and Daddy can carry me. See?”

“Yeah, I uh, I see.” Sam said.

“You stay?” Dean asked, eyes widening into a certain look that had John laughing.

“Oh thanks by the way, pretty sure you taught him that move” John joked. Against any better judgement, Sam also laughed.

“Yeah, well it’s effective isn’t it?” He said.

Dean gasped. “Sammy stay?”

“I’ll stay for a little while, okay? A few days” Sam agreed. Dean wriggled in John’s arms, but John didn’t put him down.

“Daddy! I need to play with Sammy!” Dean whined, still trying to throw his body. Sam bit down to hide his smile.

“You need to get dressed first buddy and have breakfast. Have you eaten Sam?”

“Oh, uh no. I’m okay though” Sam said.

“Well that’s too bad, ‘cause I was gonna make Deano here some pancakes” John said with a wink. Dean squealed.

“PANCAKES!” He hollered, right in John’s ear. John winced slightly but with a smile on his face.

“I’m gonna get him dressed for the day. You can come if you want or go sit and make yourself at home. As long as the couch isn’t covered in Hot Wheels again” John said, nodding his head at Dean as if there could be another culprit.

Sam didn’t really think on it, just kind of followed John and Dean down to Dean’s room. He was almost mesmerised by the way John is acting, how soft Dean seems to be now. And letting Dean have a pink binky and calling him Sweetheart? Sam never expected John to be okay with any of it.

In Dean’s room, John laid Dean on the change pad on top of the dresser.

“He’s in a diaper?” Sam asked as the pyjama pants were removed.

“Yeah, it didn’t take long for him to begin peeing through the night. The spell helps remove some of those frames of mind. But it does pose an important question, are we being a big boy today Deano?” John said to Sam before directing his attention to Dean.

“I wanna pull-up” Dean said, thumb slipping into his mouth.

“Alright, a pretty big boy today then. And how about your stripey pants?” John asked, untaping the diaper and wiping Dean down before pulling out a pull-up and sliding it up Dean’s legs.

“Stripes! And purple?” Dean asked.

“Stripey pants and purple jumper? I don’t know if we need a jumper on inside buddy, it’s warm in here”

“I wan’ my purple” Dean said and John chuckled.

“Okay, plain shirt underneath and purple jumper it is.” John said, pulling out all the clothes.

The stripey pants were stretchy and looked comfortable, striped in black and white. The plain black shirt went on next, as well as a pair of fuzzy purple socks and the fleecy purple jumper Sam never expected John to sanction or Dean to choose for himself. With Dean all dressed, John let him on the ground and Dean jumped up and down. “Pancakes!”

John chuckled. “You got it, pancakes okay with you Sam?”

Sam swallowed, both nerves and maybe a hint of emotion. “Yeah, pancakes sound great”