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When their shift is finally over, Robby smiles to himself, thinking he’s finally free. But then he remembers that he has to give Whitaker the keys and code to his house. He chuckles to himself and walks over to where Dana is.
“Hey, um, do you know where Whitaker is? I need to give him something.” He taps his fingers on the desk and looks around the ED.
Dana looks up from her clipboard and at him, “he left a few minutes ago. Said he wanted some fresh air. He went out without his things though… weird kid.”
Robby furrows his eyebrows, “what? What do you…” and then it clicks. He went to get fresh air, his things are still here. Robby’s ears begin to ring and he feels numb. “No- fuck… no no no”
Dana looks at him with concern, “what’s wrong?” Robby shakes his head and runs to the stairwell that leads up to the roof. Dana notices and realization hits her. “Shit-“
-
The doors to roof burst open and Robby locks eyes with his target, “no no no- Whitaker get away from the ledge!” He rushes towards the railing. This isn’t how he wanted things to happen. Why couldn’t Whitaker just stay downstairs, waiting for him. So he could just give the keys and get the hell out of there. He wanted this for himself, not Whitaker, the young doctor with a bright future ahead of him.
“Is this how you would do it?”
Robby stops midway in his tracks. “What?” He asks as if the wind had been knocked out of him. He processes everything and shakes his head. “Whitaker p-please- get out of there. Come to me, please.”
“Or would you get into an ‘accident’ with your motorcycle?”
Robby flinches at the thought. Whitaker figured him out, no- no this isn’t what he wanted. His hands begin to shake and his throat feels dry. His body is numb, he has to force himself to keep moving forward. To get to Whitaker, to pull him away from the danger.
“You think I wouldn’t notice?” Whitaker finally turns around, there’s tears in his eyes. He tries to hide them, to wipe them away to stay strong. But he can’t, he knows what it feels like to want to disappear. But he can’t imagine a life without Robby. And he’s willing to go through any extremities to get Robby back in a decent headspace.
“Asking me to housesit, to tell me it’s mine if you don’t come back. You’ve been acting weird all day today. I heard you drove in without your helmet on.” Tears begin to well up in Whitakers eyes and Robby feels sick at the sight.
“What were you thinking? That you’d just leave on your sabbatical with thoughts of never coming back? Do you have any idea what that’ll do to us? W-we can’t lose you… I can’t lose you.”
Robby watches him speak in silence. He stopped moving a while ago. His ears keep ringing and he realizes he’s fucked up. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. He blinks and a few tears fall. Huh, he thinks, where’d those come from? He swallows hard and finds his footing. He steps forward, makes three more steps and wraps his arms around the man.
“I’m sorry.” Is all he can say, and he breaks. He holds onto Whitaker for dear life. Mainly because the man he cares for so dearly is on the edge, right there alongside Robby. But also because he’s now realizing how much his actions affect other people.
Robby didn’t think anyone cared, I mean, why would they? But here comes this kid, from Nebraska, with his sad eyes and crooked smile. Someone who looks up to and cares about Robby, someone who cares way more than Robby likes. He just can’t find it within him to let go.
“I’m so sorry. I-I need help… and it’s been so hard for me to admit that.” He holds onto Whitaker tighter, the only thing separating them is the railing between them. “I thought this sabbatical would be a good way for me to let go of all my troubles… and as the day went on, letting go had a different meaning. I’m scared, and I don’t know what to do.”
Whitaker rubs Robby’s back and lets him cry. They stay like that on the roof for a while. A mutual understanding is formed between the two of them, and it’s here that Robby realizes Whitaker is the first person he’s ever truly been this vulnerable with. For once though, it feels good to have gotten some of it out. These cracks within him are finally being exposed to the light, and with time, he truly believes they could heal.
He lets go of Whitaker slowly and steps back, he holds out a hand for Whitaker and helps him over the railing and away from the edge. When Whitaker is back on the safer side of the roof he feels that he can finally breathe.
“Can you promise me something?”
Robby looks down at Whitaker, and his eyes soften. He nods once and listens.
“Promise me you’ll try and get help. That you’ll try to get better. It hurts to see you like this.” As he speaks his voice breaks softly. He puts a shaky hand on Robby’s cheek, searching the older man’s eyes for an answer.
Robby smiles softly and puts a hand over Whitakers. “I promise, I want to get better. It fucking sucks feeling like this.” He chuckles softly and Whitaker does the same. He pulls the man’s hand away from his cheek and holds it near his chest.
“I won’t go on my sabbatical… I’ll still take my break, but instead maybe I can try the whole therapy thing.”
Whitaker sniffles and nods, “that’s good.”
“Yeah… and maybe, you can still stay at my house… hold me accountable? Make sure I don’t do anything reckless…” he scratches the nape of his neck and looks away awkwardly at this request. In all honesty he also wanted to keep an eye on Whitaker. Seeing him on the edge of the roof like that scared him. He wanted to make sure the man was doing all right too.
“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose…”
“It’s fine really, I want you there anyways.”
They share a look with each other and Robby tilts his head, waiting for his answer. Whitaker blushes slightly at the thought and then smiles. “Sure.” He says finally.
Robby lets out a relieved sigh and pats Whitakers back. “Let’s go home then, hmm?” He wraps his arm around the man’s shoulder and they walk back down into the hospital. Whitaker sighs happily at the familiar touch from Robby that he hasn’t felt in a long time.
It was from this moment that Whitaker realized they were going to be just fine.