Archive of Our Own

Seungmin was the type of person who lived life by the rules.

When his friends would sneak out for a party late at night, Seungmin would mutter under his breath at the suggestion and stay home studying. When they came to him the next morning hungover or upset about some drama from the night, Seungmin gave them no sympathy and simply told them it was their own fault and that he had warned them. “I told you so” was practically his catchphrase at this point.

He didn’t see the point in involving himself in petty drama unlike the rest of his friend group who always seemed to be going through some spectacle. Like when Felix accidentally hooked up with a married man at a club, or when Jisung and Hyunjin got so drunk that Hyunjin egged on Jisung to call his ex and scream down the phone everything that he had hated about him which resulted in the group never being able to go back to their favourite coffee shop where said ex happened to work.

That was a while ago now, they had all calmed down a lot since their party days, only having the occasional night out where they made their best efforts to keep the night drama free.

The only other person besides Seungmin that didn’t need to learn to settle down was Jeongin.

The role of the baby of the group fit him well. He was sweet, kind and just warmth personified. Despite his whiny protests when being babied by the rest of their friendship group, deep down he was a very affectionate person and relished in the attention from his hyungs. From his melodic, contagious laugh to his adorable dimpled smile, it was impossible not to fall in love with him.

And that was Seungmin’s downfall.

The crush which Seungmin had for Jeongin was the all consuming type. The type which takes over your entire body, making every part of you both tingle and ache all at the same time. When Jeongin would pat his shoulder or brush his hand, Seungmin could feel the touch there for days after, initial electricity fading into a pleasant warmth that Seungmin would cling onto for dear life. Every word that fell from Jeongin’s lips was like a siren calling out to Seungmin and he would follow it straight to his doom any day of the week.

Jeongin made him feel truly alive for the first time in his life. 

He made Seungmin want to break the rules he was conditioned to follow.

The entire group was at Chan and Jeongin’s apartment for their weekly catchup. The room was loud with chatter and laughter like usual, it was comforting and familiar. Some of them had been drinking, but Seungmin, Jeongin and Minho had stayed sober, settled on a couch and snickering at the others. 

A sudden gasp broke through the chatter, it was Jisung.

“Quick! Hyung, finish this.” He shoved an almost finished soju bottle into Changbin’s hands who didn’t even question it before gulping down the last of the bottle, coughing a little as Jisung immediately snatched the bottle back and grinned.

“Spin the bottle. Get in a circle!” He sung gleefully as he plopped down cross legged on the floor, Felix, Changbin and Hyunjin immediately following.

With reluctant sighs and eye rolls, Chan and Minho also moved to the floor as Jisung clapped his hands happily. It was very hard to say no to Jisung, especially when he’s tipsy.

To Seungmin’s surprise, just as he was about to whisper some cynical comment about this game being stupid and immature, Jeongin bounced up out of the chair with a big grin and ran over to join the circle.

Once he sat down, Jeongin turned around to look at Seungmin and tilted his head. “Seung, come play.” he spoke, his voice just a tad whiny in a way that made Seungmin’s heart stop for a moment as he patted the spot on the floor next to him.

Seungmin froze for a moment, his chest going a little tight. “I’ll just watch.” he managed to speak quickly, swallowing the lump in his throat.

A chorus of boo’s and complaints erupted from the group and Seungmin sighed. He didn’t want to play this game one bit, but he could tell the others would never let him sit it out, so he just had to give up. He reluctantly walked over and joined the others on the floor and just started willing this game to go by quickly.

The first few rounds were nothing to write home about; Felix landed on and kissed Jisung, Minho landed on Chan but then turned down Chan’s pouty lips, going for a kiss on the cheek instead much to the groups dismay, and then Changbin cheated and stopped the bottle with his foot so that it would land on Hyunjin and the two made out for an uncomfortable amount of time in the middle of the circle. Seungmin’s plan was to just go last, and hope by the time seven rounds had passed, that everyone would get bored and just disperse to do something else before Seungmin took his turn.

What he hadn’t factored into that plan, was the scenario of the bottle landing on him.

Seungmin wasn’t even really paying attention when Jeongin excitedly took his turn and spun the bottle, that wasn’t until the bottle stopped at the space right beside Jeongin.

Where Seungmin was sitting.

The group cheered and started chanting, but it was all just ringing in Seungmin’s ears. His chest felt impossibly tight as he held his breath, he didn’t even want to turn his head to look at Jeongin. He couldn’t. This felt like a nightmare.

“Hey, Seung?”

Jeongin’s soft voice broke him out of his thoughts and he let out a shuddering breath. As he turned to look at Jeongin, he was now a lot closer than Seungmin remembered him being, and was kneeling like he had just crawled over while Seungmin was having his internal meltdown and suddenly he couldn’t take it anymore.

He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. 

Seungmin scrambled to his feet and straight to the bathroom down the hall. 

He could hear shouts from the others but he couldn’t make out any words.

He placed his hands either side of the sink, the cold porcelain grounding him as he took a deep breath. He turned on the cold tap and splashed some water on his face. He looked like such an idiot. Everyone was probably mad at him for ruining the night and thought he was pathetic. It's a game, so why did he let himself get in such a state.

Before he could spiral any further, there was banging on the door.

“Seungmin! Let me in!” Jeongin called from the other side.

Seungmin stayed quiet, his breath picking up again as the knocking didn’t let up.

“Seung, I’m serious. Open the door.” Jeongin yelled.

All that Seungmin could think about was how he couldn’t let Jeongin see him like this. Couldn't let him see him this broken and pathetic. Plus, he would have to give Jeongin an explanation and how would he even begin to explain what just happened when Seungmin wasn’t even sure himself.

“Open the fucking door, Seungmin!” 

Oh.

Jeongin sounded angry.

In all the years they had been friends, Seungmin had never heard Jeongin truly angry. Sure, Jeongin had gotten annoyed by Seungmin’s teasing and yelled at him to stop, they had had arguments over trivial things like cooking or what show to watch, but Seungmin always knew it wasn’t serious. But this sounded serious.

He took a shaky step towards the door and reached out a trembling hand, unlocking the door. Mere seconds later, the door burst open and Jeongin pushed right in.

“What the fuck–” Jeongin began, voice raised, but then he saw the way Seungmin had backed into the corner. The fear in his eyes, the tremble of his bottom lip, and he froze.

Seungmin slid down the wall, onto the floor and hid his face in his knees, not wanting to be seen. Not like this, it was embarrassing. Especially in front of someone he had so much respect for.

There was an uncomfortable silence, and then Seungmin heard the soft thud of Jeongin sitting down on the bathroom floor across from him.

“Do I repulse you or something…?”

Seungmin’s head shot up in a flash. Surely he had heard Jeongin wrong.

“What…?”

Jeongin kept his eyes on the floor, picking at the skin around his fingernails. “You looked like you were gonna throw up at the thought of kissing me…”

Seungmin’s world felt like it was falling apart all around him. This was wrong. This was all so wrong that it made him sick to his stomach. The thought of Jeongin thinking Seungmin was repulsed by him made his heart break right in half. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Seungmin adored Jeongin with his entire heart, Seungmin would kill for Jeongin. Jeongin deserved the whole world and even more than that, and Seungmin would go to the ends of the earth to give him just that.

He had to tell Jeongin the truth.

Everyone has their own skeletons in their closets. Seungmin was never the type to talk about his emotions, when he was going through something, he would just deal with it quietly. He was a private person and chose not to share everything with his friends, partly to avoid teasing from the others but also because he never wanted people to think of him differently. He couldn’t stand the feeling of being pitied, but what was worse than that was when people tried to fix him when he didn’t need fixing.

But now, looking at his favourite person who usually looks so bright and cheery who now looked so dejected, he knew he had to open that closet.

“I’ve never kissed anyone.” he blurted out, voice cracking halfway through.

The silence that followed was beyond deafening. He watched as Jeongin’s face cycled though a million emotions at once and finally landed on disbelief, lips parted as he stared at Seungmin in shock.

“Never..?” Jeongin spoke in a small voice.

“Never.” Seungmin echoed, his face burning with shame.

Seungmin sucked in a deep breath and opened his mouth but nothing came out, just a feeble little squeak. He’d never felt so pitiful and pathetic in all of his life. He was one blow away from just falling apart and spilling out the parts of himself he hated the most.

Jeongin rose to his feet and reached out a hand for Seungmin to take. “Let’s go to my room and talk properly, yeah?”

Despite it all, Jeongin was caring as ever with a patient, gentle smile on his lips and Seungmin wanted to melt into a puddle on the floor. 

He carefully got up and followed Jeongin who quietly snuck them into his bedroom and shut the door behind him. Seungmin had been in this room a thousand times before, but the air felt thicker than usual.

Jeongin guided Seungmin to sit on the edge of the bed and gently took one of his hands. “Seung, please… talk to me. You can trust me with anything.” he spoke in the softest voice that made Seungmin feel so safe he could cry. 

Seungmin braced himself and met Jeongin’s eyes and began to try and piece together his thoughts and feelings.

“When I think about kissing someone… I’m not thinking about how nice that would feel, I’m thinking about what comes next.”

“Next?” Jeongin tilted his head.

“Sex.”

Jeongin looked a little taken aback. Seungmin just nodded.

“I mean, you kiss someone… and then you move onto the next step. All those steps lead up to having sex.”

“Seungmin, what?” Jeongin’s brows pinched together with an unreadable expression. “That’s not how it works at all…”

“Kissing…” Jeongin looked deep into Seungmin’s eyes, making sure he was listening. “You don't kiss someone with a motive. You can just kiss to show affection when words aren't enough.”

Seungmin’s body relaxed ever so slightly for the first time in what felt like forever, a tiny weight lifted from his shoulders.

“I like kissing… because it makes me feel close to the other person.” Jeongin spoke softly, his gentle smile looking the tiniest bit shy. “Not because I want something more.”

Seungmin wanted nothing more than to feel close to Jeongin. He wanted to be consumed by Jeongin completely, be so close that they merged into one and couldn't tell where Seungmin ended and Jeongin started. It sounded like bliss.

“I… want to be close to you.” Seungmin whispered, eyes shining, biting his lip from nerves. He couldn't believe he was finally saying this out loud.

“Seung…” Jeongin breathed.

“I like you so much Jeongin… and I'm so sorry if you've ever felt anything else from me.” Seungmin croaked. “And I'm even more sorry for making you feel unwanted tonight, I'll never forgive myself for making you feel that way…”

Jeongin's eyes suddenly started to glisten with tears, his chest rising and falling.

Seungmin panicked, eyes shooting wide and freezing on the spot. “No! Don't cry, don't… Please don't cry. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot.”

He reached up a tentative hand and gently wiped away the tears from Jeongin's eyes before they could fall with his thumb, his touch so gentle as if he was afraid Jeongin would just shatter like glass beneath his touch. It didn't feel like something he should be allowed to do, to touch Jeongin like this. But here he was, and Jeongin melted the moment they made contact, sighing.

“I’m sorry.” Seungmin whispered again. He would apologise a million times over for the rest of his days as long as it got rid of the tears from Jeongin’s beautiful eyes. He leaned forward, gently resting his forehead against Jeongin’s, trying to convey all of the emotions that were too complicated for Seungmin to put into words. He thinks if he started trying that he would be a blubbering mess in a matter of seconds.

“Stop apologising, Seung.” Jeongin murmured. It should have put Seungmin’s mind at rest but his chest still ached in a way he couldn’t explain. Normally, if he had seen Jeongin in this state, he would go after whoever did this to him without a second thought. But this time, he caused this, and he wasn’t sure if he would ever forgive himself.

Jeongin knew Seungmin too well and could tell his mind was going a mile a minute. On top of this, he knew how to calm his mind.

“You’re right about you being an idiot…” Jeongin spoke quietly, a teasing lilt in his voice and the smallest smirk.

Seungmin was so taken off guard that he couldn’t help but let out a startled laugh.

“Yeah. I am. I really am.”

There was a long silence after that. Not an uncomfortable one this time though, they were both just taking the moment in and trying to figure out what the hell comes next. 

“I've liked you for so long, Seungmin… I was so afraid.” 

“Afraid of what…?” Seungmin whispered.

“You not wanting me.”

Those words felt like ice cold water being thrown over Seungmin’s entire body. The thought of Jeongin, his entire world, thinking that he wasn't wanted made him feel physically ill.

“No… I…” Seungmin was lost for words. He looked at Jeongin with panicked eyes as he tried to put how he felt into words.

Jeongin took both of his hands, rubbing circles into Seungmin’s palms with his thumbs. “Take your time.” 

“I don't know how you do it.”

“Do what?” Jeongin whispered.

“Make me feel so safe.”

Seungmin took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he had to do. Seungmin looked deep into Jeongin’s eyes and for the first time, he wasn’t scared. There was no judgement in his eyes, just kindness. Jeongin was listening, and not just because he felt like he had to, he wanted to understand. 

Seungmin wanted Jeongin to understand as well.

“I’ve really struggled with my sexuality since college.” Seungmin spoke, his voice a little quiet and unsure. “Not just the liking boys part… but… the sex part too.” he swallowed.

Jeongin simply nodded, urging him to continue.

“For a while, I thought I was asexual. The thought of having sex just really freaked me out and made me feel really anxious. But then when I looked at descriptions of asexuality and they all said you don’t feel attraction.” Seungmin explained before his cheeks turned a light pink shade. “But I do feel attraction… I mean, I’m attracted to you.”

A smile pulled at Jeongin’s lips. Seungmin had expected Jeongin to tease him a little, but he just listened and let Seungmin express his feelings out loud which he appreciated.

“So I guess I wasn’t asexual. So I was just some… freak that doesn’t want to have sex.” Seungmin’s voice cracked and Jeongin’s eyes blew wide and he surged closer, placing one of his hands gently on Seungmin’s cheek.

“No. Don’t ever say that, don’t ever speak about yourself that way. You are not a freak.”

Seungmin’s bottom lip trembled, overwhelmed with emotions from the combination of both Jeongin’s gentle touch and comforting words.

“My parents don’t even know I’m gay.” He croaked before the dam broke and a tear fell down his cheek.

Jeongin’s heart lurched and he wasted no time in pulling Seungmin into his chest, using one hand to rub circles on his back while the other held Seungmin’s head to his chest. “Oh, Seung…”

Seungmin could feel Jeongin’s heartbeat against his cheek, it was an immensely comforting feeling and did wonders at grounding him. 

“Just breathe… I’ve got you.” Jeongin whispered, leaning down to press the most gentle kiss to the crown of Seungmin’s head.

Butterflies swarmed through Seungmin’s insides and he let out a long whimper, fingers gripping the bottom of Jeongin’s shirt and for the first time in his life, he just let himself be cared for.

He had always been so secretive when it came to his emotions that he had no idea how good it feels to have someone be there to support him through it all. He didn’t need to be so afraid of letting people see him at his worst, he didn’t have to be afraid of being seen as weak. He could just let himself be comforted and supported and suddenly he didn’t feel so lonely anymore.

After a while of just sitting there like that, Seungmin slowly tilted his head up, his chin pressing to Jeongin’s chest so he could look up to meet Jeongin’s eyes.

Jeongin just smiled at him. That damn smile and those adorable dimples that never failed to make Seungmin’s heart race. 

“Hi.” Jeongin spoke softly.

“Hi.” Seungmin replied.

“We don’t need to talk about this anymore for tonight if you don’t want to, it’s been a lot for you.”

“No, I want to.” Seungmin whispered and carefully sat up straight again.

“Of course, let me grab you some water first.” Jeongin rose to his feet and Seungmin’s breath caught in his throat.

“You’re coming back?” Seungmin sounded so small and pathetic but he didn’t even care.

Jeongin gently brushed some hair from Seungmin’s eyes and nodded. “Of course I am.”

Seungmin let out a soft sigh as Jeongin left the bedroom and tried to release the tension from his shoulders. He shuffled up the bed so he could lean back against the pillows, say cross legged like a little school boy as he fidgeted with his fingers. He felt awfully like a little boy, so small and vulnerable. It wasn't a feeling he was used to, it was like he had cut himself right up the middle and exposed every last part of him to the world, even the parts that he detested most. Except it wasn't to the whole world, it was just Jeongin. Although Seungmin could argue that Jeongin was his world, so the point still stands.

Jeongin reentered soon after he left, his smile grew as he saw Seungmin. He walked closer and placed the glass of water on the bedside table near Seungmin and sat on the edge of the bed, turning his body to face the other more.

The silence between them was no longer an uneasy one, it was softer and peaceful. Jeongin seemed to be deep in thought about something, Seungmin tilted his head a little when he noticed.

“Hey, Seung…” Jeongin spoke up.

“Hm?”

“You mentioned earlier how you thought you were asexual, yeah?”

Seungmin just nodded quietly.

“Well… You know asexuality isn't just black and white, right? It's a spectrum.”

Seungmin took a moment to think about Jeongin’s words before shaking his head no.

“It's not necessarily one size fits all, it's different for every person.” Jeongin explained, voice soothing and supportive. “Have you heard of demisexuality?”

Seungmin wracked his brain but he hadn’t heard of the term before, he furrowed his brow in curiosity and shook his head again.

“It's where a person only feels sexual attraction when they have a strong bond with someone already.”

Oh.

That sounded like Seungmin.

He went quiet as he thought back to all the times in his life where he had questioned if he was asexual, this demisexual thing made a lot of sense.

But there was still the sex part. He may feel attracted to Jeongin in that way, but he sure as hell doesn't want to have sex with him, not right now at least.

“But that can't be me, because I still don't feel like I want to have sex. Even if I'm close with someone.”

Jeongin smiled gently and poked his side. “What did I say? It's a spectrum.”

Seungmin squeaked a little at the sudden contact but quickly piped down to listen to Jeongin properly.

“You might not tick all the boxes, I just want you to see there's things other than just not wanting to have sex or feel attraction at all.” Jeongin continued. “You don't even have to have any sort of label if you don’t want to, you don't owe that to anyone. This is your sexuality.”

Seungmin stared at Jeongin, eyes slightly wider than before in awe, lips parted a little. Jeongin was right, he didn’t need to fit into a box made by someone else to please other people. He could just be himself, unapologetically. He didn't need to explain himself to the world. 

For once, he didn't need to follow the rules.

“We can research it all together later, yeah?” Jeongin smiled softly. “We'll find some videos or something. I'm with you on this, got it?” Jeongin spoke and reached out to take one of Seungmin’s hands. 

Seungmin’s lips pulled into a small smile and he nodded. “Thank you.”

“Just promise me one thing?” Jeongin squeezed his hand.

Seungmin tilted his head.

“Just talk to me next time. You can tell me anything, don't just keep your worries to yourself until they're too big to hold in.”

Seungmin knew fine well that he was guilty of that a million times over. That was his norm, his routine, his comfort zone. But for Jeongin he was willing to try.

“Promise.”

Jeongin smiled and raised his hand, pinky finger sticking out. “Pinky promise?”

Seungmin let out a chuckle. “You're such a dork…” He grumbled, but still complied and linked his pinky with Jeongin's.

Jeongin giggled, looking down at his lap and when he looked back up to meet Seungmin’s eyes, he wore a shy, boyish smile. “Sure… but I'm yours, right?”

Seungmin swore his heart stopped beating for a moment. The thought of Yang Jeongin, the boy he had fallen for years ago, the boy he admired from afar even when he was closer than anyone, the boy he had wished for on every shooting star and every birthday candle, being all his… he felt like he didn't deserve this.

“I want you to be.” Seungmin replied, already making a conscious effort to not just say what Jeongin wanted to hear, to be honest instead.

“I've been all yours for so long, so what's stopping you?” Jeongin questioned, voice quiet and Seungmin swore he could hear the smallest tinge of anxiety in his voice which made his heart ache.

“I don't want to disappoint you… or hold you back.” Seungmin answered, the truthful words felt like bile in his mouth, a still unfamiliar feeling of honesty and vulnerability.

Jeongin didn't say a word. Seungmin had no idea how Jeongin always knew exactly what he needed without even having to ask. He knew when to be supportive and when to just stay quiet and give Seungmin space to talk and it made this whole ordeal a lot less nerve-wracking.

“If I never end up feeling ready to have sex… where does that leave you?” Seungmin frowned. “I don't want to just drag you along when you feel like you're missing out.”

The younger immediately shook his head. “No, Seung-” he stopped and took a deep breath. “I value love and actual meaningful relationships so much more than sex. Sex is great for me, yeah, but there's so many more ways to be intimate that are even more special.”

Seungmin let out a long breath, a mix of relief and something else he couldn't quite place.

“I might just need time… time to figure myself out.” Seungmin swallowed. “But there's still a chance I might never get there. I need you to know that, the thought of trapping you makes me feel sick…”

“Trapping me? Seungmin are you kidding?” Jeongin laughed, but his words were dead serious. “I've wanted to be with you for so much longer than you know, I feel like I'm the one trapping you.”

And they both laughed. Just pure, joyful laughter between two people who cared so deeply for each other. Two people who had shared so many moments exactly like this one, but this time it felt different. It felt new. A new beginning for them.

One their laughter fizzled out, they were both just smiling at each other, faces about to tear in half from how big.

Jeongin suddenly reached his hand out, like he was offering it to Seungmin, bowing his head slightly, but not enough to hide his huge dimpled grin. “Kim Seungmin,” he began in his best fancy voice, “will you do me the honour of letting me be your first kiss?”

Time stood still for a moment. Seungmin wasn’t scared anymore. He wasn't afraid of what would happen after, he didn’t worry about disappointing Jeongin. The only thing on his mind was how much he wanted to feel Jeongin’s lips against his.

“Yes, of course…” Seungmin tried to contain his emotions, but he had the dorkiest smile that melted Jeongin’s heart.

Jeongin shuffled closer, hand reaching up to rest against Seungmin’s cheek.

“Just relax…” Jeongin whispered softly and Seungmin could feel the breath from every word against his lips. “There's no rules, just… feel.” He smiled softly.

He always knew exactly what to say, Seungmin smiled gently at him before closing his eyes.

Jeongin leaned in and slotted their lips together, the contact making Seungmin jump a little at first which made Jeongin smile against his lips. Jeongin placed one hand on Seungmin’s waist, rubbing up and down his side ever so softly to ease Seungmin’s mind.

For the first couple seconds, Jeongin was doing all the work as Seungmin just adjusted to the feeling. It was like nothing he had ever felt before. He had thought about what it would have felt like to kiss people before, particularly Jeongin, but this blew all of his expectations out of the water. He had always assumed when people said that a kiss “felt like fireworks” that they were just being dramatic and poetic but he was dead wrong. He felt tiny little explosions in every part of his body, his mind was completely blank, all he could think of was how incredible it felt to have Jeongin this close. He suddenly understood exactly what Jeongin said earlier when he told him he liked kissing to feel close to someone, Seungmin had never felt such a connection and closeness with anyone and he never wanted it to end. He always wanted Jeongin this close.

Jeongin pulled apart, resting his forehead against Seungmin’s, eyes still closed as he just took the moment in, his breathing a little laboured. 

Seungmin, on the other hand, wanted more. He had gotten a taste of what he had been missing out on and he was planning on making up for lost time. He took Jeongin’s face between his hands and surged back in, taking control this time. Jeongin let out the most adorable noise of surprise before completely melting like putty in Seungmin’s hands. Jeongin threaded a hand through Seungmin’s hair to pull him closer and Seungmin let out a noise he didn’t know he was even capable of making. Jeongin’s lips were like soft silk against Seungmin’s lips, having Seungmin suddenly curse himself for not putting on chapstick. 

Seungmin all too suddenly realised he didn’t have enough oxygen and pulled back with a gasp that made Jeongin laugh, the sound soft and low.

“Are you sure that was your first time?” Jeongin murmured softly, pressing a short kiss to the tip of Seungmin’s nose which immediately flushed pink.

“Technically that was my second…” Seungmin mumbled.

“God, you’re so annoying.” Jeongin chuckled and shook his head in amusement.

“Can we do that again?” Seungmin asked.

Jeongin grinned. “How about a little break, you nearly passed out there baby.”

“Baby?” Seungmin tried to sound teasing but the way his cheeks flushed bright red gave away how flustered the nickname made him.

“Yeah, baby.” Jeongin whispered before leaning in once again, slotting their lips together.

Every kiss was completely different, Seungmin was discovering. Their first one was tentative and unsure, simply testing the waters. The second one was a bit more hungry, exploring each other. But this one was completely different, it was slow and tender and there was no real motive or meaning behind it, they were just kissing for the sake of kissing. Seungmin thinks this is his favourite type of kiss.

Seungmin carefully draped his arms around the younger's neck, Jeongin’s hands dropping to gently hold onto Seungmin’s waist, pulling each other closer so they could feel every last beat of their hearts and rise and fall of their chests.

Seungmin could feel the way Jeongin’s lips were curling up into a smile without even looking and it made a warm feeling rush through his entire body. He hesitantly detached their lips and dropped his head down to rest his forehead onto Jeongin’s shoulder.

Jeongin sighed contently, wrapping his arms fully around Seungmin’s body before pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head.

“So perfect.” Jeongin whispered and Seungmin shivered against the other's body which made Jeongin laugh fondly. “What am I gonna do with you?”

“Yours now. Gotta keep me” Seungmin mumbled, turning his head so his nose pressed into the crook of Jeongin’s neck. He felt a bit silly acting all mushy and babyish like this but it felt nice. He knew that Jeongin wasn’t judging him or anything, if anything, judging by the way Jeongin was smiling so fondly, Seungmin guessed he actually liked it.

“You wanna stay over here tonight?” Jeongin asked as he brought his hand up to comb through Seungmin’s hair.

If Seungmin could purr, he would sound like a car engine right now.

“I suppose it is kinda late to walk home…” Seungmin replied, not wanting to sound too eager.

Jeongin rolled his eyes affectionately. “Yeah, of course. That's the only reason.”

Seungmin lifted his head from the others shoulder to look at him properly and Jeongin pecked his lips. “You know where everything is, go put something comfy on and wash up.”

“Bossy…” Seungmin grumbled, but inside he kind of liked being told what to do, even in such a polite way. He rose to his feet and grabbed a pair of sweatpants from Jeongin’s dresser and slipped out of the room to use the main bathroom so Jeongin could use his en suite. Most of the others had either gone home or were sleeping so he was able to avoid seeing anyone. 

He locked the door and sighed. He looked up at himself in the mirror, studying the same old Seungmin he saw everyday. But he wasn't the same, or he didn't feel the same. His cheeks were still flushed a little pink and he wondered if that was a permanent addition now. His lips had obviously been kissed, even if it was subtle and others wouldn't notice unless they looked close up, he knew, and frankly thats all that mattered. He raised a hand up, gently tracing his bottom lip with his fingers and immediately wished it was Jeongin’s fingers instead. God. He was gone.

He shook off his thoughts and turned on the cold tap, leaning down and splashing some water on his skin, giving his face a quick wash before finding one of the spare toothbrushes Jeongin and Chan had in the cabinet and cleaning his teeth.

Once he had freshened up, he changed out of his jeans and into Jeongin’s sweatpants. He unbuttoned his overshirt, and the second he shrugged it off, left in only a white T‑shirt, he shivered.

He had two options here; ask Jeongin to borrow a hoodie, or stay as close to Jeongin as humanly possible to steal his body heat.

Seungmin decided to go with both. Go big or go home, right?

He ran his hands through his hair a couple times to fix it and left the bathroom, tiptoeing back to Jeongin's bedroom. When he opened the door, Jeongin was already in bed, wearing a pair of plaid pyjama pants and a grey hoodie. He lay sprawled out, one arm resting over his stomach while the other rested stretched above his head, making his hoodie ride up a little to expose his abdomen.

Seungmin stared for a moment before snapping himself out of it. “Can I borrow a hoodie?”

“Sure, just in the closet.” Jeongin replied and Seungmin walked over, taking a look and grabbing a red one with some lighting design on the back.

“That's my favourite.” Jeongin smirked as Seungmin pulled it over his head. 

“Oh, I can choose a different one…”

“Don't you dare.” Jeongin spoke with a pointed look. “Looks better on you anyway.” He mused, sitting up to look at him. He pulled down the covers and patted the spot next to him on the bed and then paused.

“Shit, I never actually asked if you were okay with this…” Jeongin spoke sheepishly. “I can sleep on the couch if you'd rather.”

Oh sweet Jeongin, Seungmin thought his heart was going to give out from how thoughtful and selfless the younger was, always putting Seungmin’s comfort above his own. Seungmin made a mental note to find ways to spoil Jeongin for it later.

“No way.” Seungmin just laughed and lowered himself onto the soft mattress. “It's all good. I wanna be close to you.”

Jeongin beamed and pulled the covers up over them with a happy sigh, shifting around a little to get comfy.

Adorable, Seungmin thought.

Seungmin rolled onto his side so he could face Jeongin, folding his arm under his head and resting his cheek on his elbow.

“Thank you for being so understanding today.” Seungmin spoke, voice soft and a tiny bit hesitant.

“You don't have to thank me for my kindness.” Jeongin replied with a soft smile.

“But this is different. This was beyond kindness.” Seungmin explained. “Just take the appreciation, you deserve it.”

“Well if we're appreciating each other, then I want you to know how proud I am of you for today.”

“Proud?” Seungmin furrowed his brow, scrunching up his face.

Jeongin chuckled. “Yes, proud. Talking to me so openly was a big step. You did a good job, it's not easy.”

Seungmin didn’t feel like he had some big achievement to celebrate. In all honesty he felt a little silly for making such a big deal of things. But if Jeongin was proud, he didn’t care. He would open up and tell Jeongin every last one of his secrets if it meant keeping that sweet smile on his face.

They both lay in a comfortable silence for a while, Seungmin’s face burning up under Jeongin’s intense gaze studying every dip and curve of his face.

“This feels weird, doesn't it?” Seungmin spoke up.

“Yeah, it does.” Jeongin laughed. “Good weird though.”

“Mhm, good weird. New.”

“Let's just enjoy tonight together, yeah? We can worry about the details tomorrow.” Jeongin reached out to move Seungmin’s hair from his eyes.

Seungmin nodded with a small smile and let out a deep breath.

“I just wanna ask one thing.” Seungmin spoke.

“Yeah? What's up?”

“How long have you liked me for…?” Seungmin asked, feeling a bit anxious but his curiosity got the best of him.

Jeongin just smiled. “Remember that day I got ridiculously wasted at Changbin’s party? I was literally stumbling all over the place, shouting in people's faces…” his cheeks burned red from embarrassment.

Seungmin nodded.

“You looked after me all night long. Kept an eye on me, and when it got too much, you carried me on your back the whole way home.” Jeongin grinned. “You tucked me into bed, gave me everything I could ever need. That was when I realised that beneath it all, you're the most fiercely protective, caring person I know.”

Seungmin was speechless. 

“I didn't even think you remembered any of that…”

Jeongin shuffled a little closer in the bed. “I do.”

“That was so long ago…”

“Yeah…” Jeongin went a little sheepish. 

“Don't be embarrassed. I should be embarrassed.” Seungmin murmured. “I fell for you the second I saw you walk into Felix's apartment after dance practice.”

Jeongin let out a long breath, looking at Seungmin in pure awe.

“You're pretty hard not to fall for.” Seungmim mumbled under his breath as he fidgeted with the edge of the blanket.

Jeongin leaned close and pressed his lips to Seungmin’s, kissing him gently. It felt like they were floating on air. Nothing else mattered in that moment except from the feeling of being close to each other.

When Jeongin pulled back, he wrapped his arms around Seungmin, pulling him close so Seungmin could tuck his head under Jeongin's chin.

“I can't believe I missed out on that for 21 years.” Seungmin grumbled.

Jeongin laughed. “Trust me, I'll help you make up for lost time.” he whispered, kissing the top of Seungmin’s head goodnight.