Work Text:
1
Vanta has always called himself perceptive. Or, at the very least, able to see how people are acting. Well, what else can he do when he has a man whom he calls his son and an ungodly amount of free time? So that's why, when he saw Kaelix leaning over the bar and doing couple-talk with Zeal, he assumed they were dating. Well, calling each other 'darling bouncer' and 'darling bartender' isn't the most 'just the homies' thing to be doing. He walked up to the bar, one eyebrow raised. "Are you two… perhaps together?" Kaelix stared at him with nothing but confusion, and Zeal coughed, albeit smirking a little. Kaelix rushed to defend himself, his face mildly flushed. "Whoa- Vanta-senpai, why would you think we're dating?'
Vanta was slightly taken aback. These two fuckers, who flirted with each other, and most definitely made 'kissing the homies' jokes weren't dating? Oh wow, these poor men were definitely in deep denial. "So you mean… You're not dating?"
"No! Why would you think that?"
"Well, uhh… You two act like an old married couple. Oh fuck, this means I lost the bet. Damn it."
Kaelix tilted his head. "What bet?"
Vanta coughed. "Nothing."
———
"...So then he said they weren't dating—"
"WHAT THE FUCK?" Wilson pushed back from his chair, screeching. "THEY AREN'T?!" It was a wonder no one's car alarm went off. And no glass windows gave up and broke. Thank goodness his cafe was closed on lunch break so no one would hear the scream of sheer bewilderment emanating from Wilson's mouth. Zali placed a gentle hand on Wilson's shoulder, reminding him to be quiet (slash shut the hell up), otherwise a concerned passerby would call the police on them. Again. (The last time, explaining to the police, was not fun.)
Vanta sighed, placing a 20$ bill on the table. "I lost the bet." Zali smiled, taking the 20. "Thanks, baby. I'm twenty dollars richer." He kissed Vanta on the cheek with a mischievous smirk, causing his brain to short-circuit, and Wilson began losing his shit laughing at Vanta. The poor guy stuttered, utterly confuzzled. "Wha—You—Huh?"
"Haha kiss got his brain ejecting out of his head."
The bells at the door jingled as two familiar men walked in. Vanta, whose brain had managed to regain function, took one look. "Well, speak of the devil." Kaelix waved to them, dragging a chair over to the table they were on so they could join the conversation. "Come over here, my darling bartender."
"But of course, my darling bouncer."
Wilson shot a glance at Vanta. Are you sure they're not dating?
"So, what are you guys talking about? And what's this I heard about a bet? You said something about a bet earlier too."
Wilson scratched the back of his head, looking at Zali to help. "Well, uhh… we were betting on you two…dating?"
Zeal laughed at them while Kaelix looked at them like they were insane. In between chuckles, he managed to reply. "Pfft- No, we aren't. I don't know why you'd think we were."
"Yeah, why would we date? I mean, he's just a really good friend."
Vanta snorted. "Really good friends, you say. Right."
At that moment, a thought ran through both Zali and Wilson's heads.
Damn, Vanta was right. The hell they mean they aren't dating?
2
Being the owner of a fairly popular aquarium, Finana's seen some pretty 'romantic' stuff. Example: People deciding it would be a brilliant idea to kiss under the fish arches and/or propose. (The poor fish did not have to see them). (Also, in her aquarium of all places? Really?). This meant that she'd call herself reasonably good at figuring out if two people were dating. So, when she saw Kaelix dragging Zeal around her aquarium and looking at the fish, then holding hands, she automatically assumed they were a thing. Greeting them as they approached her area, she waved at them. "Hey guys! Nice to see you." She pointed at the two, looking between them. "Soo… How long?"
Zeal looked confused, as Kaelix stood there with his mouth open, processing. "...Huh? What do you mean by how long?" Finana let out a long exhale, looking at Kaelix like he was stupid. "How long have you been dating, I mean."
Zeal cleared his throat. "Ah… We aren't dating."
"You aren't? Oh my god. What the fuck? But y'all were holding hands?"
Kaelix looked like he was most definitely dying on the inside. "Yeah, but we do that all the time."
"Right. Okay. Definitely a homie thing to do."
Well one thing's for sure, they remind Finana of pre-dating Claude, Willy, Vanta, and Zali.
———
Finana sat in her room with her dumbass little brother, who, for once was actually being kind of helpful, fixing her PC. He fiddled with some parts while talking with her. "So you're telling me, the two guys, who hold hands and call each other fucking pet names aren't dating? I think they're either deeply in denial or deeply stupid." Finana sat on her bed, furiously typing to Uki and trying to get them to help her convince Zeal and Kaelix to date. "Yeah, you're right. They're deeply in denial." Uki's face popped up on Finana's phone, his younger brother Nayuta appearing in the background and waving before disappearing, since she had just started a video call with Uki. "So, what were you saying about them being in deep denial? Also, hey there, Claude. Tell your boyfriends I said hi." Claude waved from the background before Finana connected her headphones to her phone so she could talk to Uki in peace and quiet.
"Soo… the problem is, that these two were HOLDING HANDS in MY aquarium, and then when I interrogated them, they said they WEREN'T dating? Hellooo??"
"Well, you're right, Finana. They're definitely in deep, deep denial."
"So what do you say I do?"
"They've been torturing us for months. Maybe even years. It's either we shove their heads together like Barbie dolls, or we lock these fucking bitches in a room and force them to work out their feelings. But uh, wait, don't actually do tha-"
Finana had heard enough. She hit 'end call', and turned back to Claude, who had now finished fixing her computer.
"Uki said to shove them in a closet and make them kiss. Or pretend they're Barbie dolls and make them kiss."
Claude blinked. "What?"
"I said, shove them in a closet and make them kiss, you fucking idiot."
"You're so fucking mean to me."
She grinned. "All in the spirit of being a good big sister."
Claude looked at her. "Uki's right though. If they don't start dating, I might actually shove their heads together like Barbie dolls. Also, I fixed your dumbass PC. Thank me."
"Ugh, fine. Thanks bitch."
Claude sat himself on the bed next to Finana, which caused her to kick him, still staring at her phone. "So uh, what's my payment for fixing your pc?"
Finana rolled her eyes. "Fine, fuck you, I'll get you your goddamn hotdog."
"Two."
She shook her head. "One and a half."
He batted her on the arm. "So stingy. You own a whole fucking aquarium."
Finana had a smug grin. "Yeah, but like…big sister privileges."
"Fuck you. Wait, what the fuck do you mean by one and a half hotdogs-"
"I eat half and you take the other half."
"Oh. Okay. Bet. But you'll owe me half a hotdog."
Their bickering negotiation continued for a while before Claude left the room and went back to his own, probably off to play Valorant with that one other friend of his, the English teacher or whatever his job description entailed.
Finana lay on her bed. mumbling. "God, first Zeal and Kaelix, and now you're being annoying.. What am I gonna do with you lot.."
3
It was at Luca and Shu's house, because of course it was. It was cramped, putting way too many people in one room. Hell, people were sitting in places that should not be sat on. Halfway through movie night, Kaelix had ended up halfway in Zeal's lap, one leg draped over him. When Luca saw them, the movie quite literally stopped. (Luca paused it, much to the dismay of everyone else there.) He stared at them. "Are you two…?"
Zeal rolled his eyes, still…normal, since he wasn't drinking. "No."
Luca pointed at Kaelix, then back at Zeal, confusion etched on his face. "But…he's sitting on your lap..?"
Kaelix raised his hands defensively, a faint blush dusting his cheeks. "Wha—No I'm not!" He looked down. Oh. His leg had definitely slid over Zeal's thigh, and he was half-sitting on him. Zeal, being unhelpful as per usual, piped up. "Yeah, but he sits on me all the time."
The room exploded. It became complete and utter pandemonium. Elira chucked a pillow at them. Finana screamed. Uki stared at them, mildly amused, and continued filing his nails. Vanta grabbed Wilson's shoulders, shaking him with unrestrained giddiness, probably brain dead from alcohol. Claude sat in the corner eating a hotdog and staring at the paused movie. Zali was watching people to make sure no one died in the absolute chaos (slash shitshow) that was happening. Someone, probably Vanta, yelled. "HOLY SHIT ZEAL CONFIRMED KAELIX SITS ON HIM A LOT?"
Shu tried to calm everyone down. Keyword tried. It turns out it's pretty difficult to get a bunch of people to shut up when they've all had a couple shots. And now Vanta was twerking on Claude. Again. Everyone in this fucking room needs to seek help. At least it was a sleepover, so no one would be committing any felonies while trying to get home. Thank god Zali and Shu hadn't been drinking so they could take care of the idiots. Kaelix, now not sitting on Zeal anymore, stared at the chaos before his eyes. "What the fuck… Zeal, you are sooo unhelpful. Whyyyy would you say that?" Kaelix, now mildly lightheaded from drinking, stared at Zeal. Then he got distracted and watched the ice swirl in his cup, completely awestruck. Zeal watched him. He's so cute. But goddamn, he's drunk off his ass.
———
Kaelix woke up on a futon, head throbbing. What the fuck… He looked around, seeing Zeal laying next to him, still asleep. He saw a bunch of other pairs scattered around the living room, though Shu and Luca had probably gone to the kitchen to make ̶o̶u̶t̶ breakfast. Right, yes. He was in Shu's house. Great. Just how much did he drink last night? Stretching to clear the fog in his head, he yawned, got up, and went to the kitchen. "Ugh… Shu, do you have any ibuprofen? Also, what time is it?"
The scene in the kitchen was almost domestic, with Claude and Finana already awake and bickering over whether fruit cereal or plain cereal was better, and a half-asleep Elira sitting next to Finana and leaning over her shoulder, latched onto her waist.
Zeal walked in, looking groggy. "Mornin'." Finana looked over. She held up both boxes of cereal. "Zeal. Which one's better." Zeal looked around, spotting Kaelix downing ibuprofen with half a jug of milk. He pointed at the jug Kaelix was chugging out of. "That."
Claude very well nearly screeched. "THAT'S NOT EVEN CEREAL—"
Zeal shrugged. "I like the milk better than both options you two had."
Kaelix, now finished absolutely demolishing that jug, looked at them, confused. "What'd he say about milk?"
Claude angrily crunched on dry cereal. "He has favourites. He likes you more than us. And you drank all of the fucking milk."
"I know. I'm just so great. He likes me more than you."
Finana almost threw her cereal at him. How was this man so oblivious. She grit her teeth, seconds away from rigging Spin the Bottle to make them kiss. Passionately. This was deeply frustrating. She and Claude ate their cereal with a shared expression of irritation, a singular thought running through both their heads. Damnit, date already.
4
Freo watched them as Zeal worked behind the bar. Kaelix latched onto Zeal's waist like a sleepy koala. Seible sat across from Freo, glitter in his hair and frustration clear on his face. "God, they're pathetic."
"Catastrophic, more likely."
"Yeah."
Freo looked at the clock hanging on the wall. "Wait, isn't Kaelix supposed to be watching the entrance and letting people in? The other bouncer's shift is about to end." Freo looked at Seible. Seible looked at his watch. "Oh SHIT you're right." Seible ran across to the bar, yelling "KAE-CHANNNN" the whole way over. He got to the bar , panting. Zeal eyeballed Seible, seeing how he had an unholy amount of glitter in his hair, and had just run all the way from the other side of the livehouse over to the bar.
"Kae-chan, the bar is not the place for your romantic escapades with Gin-chan. Leave that to the bedroom. I mean what, who said that?"
"SEIBLE! You sick man!" Kaelix made retching noises. "But why'd you come over here?"
Seible giggled. "Hehe~ Well, your shift's about to start. The bouncer's about to go on break."
Kaelix looked at Seible, with the saddest expression he could fake. "But I don't wanna~"
Zeal swatted Kaelix lightly, dropping his voice. "Go, darling bouncer. There's a long line outside." Kaelix flushed. "What—! That's not fair, you can't use that voice on mee!" He reluctantly unpeeled himself from Zeal, skipping to the entrance and greeting the regulars on the way there. Waving off the previous bouncer, he continued actually doing his job.
Seible stood on the other side of the bar, making light conversation with the regulars, before turning back to Zeal. "Are you two dating yet?"
Zeal lightly flushed. "Uhh- No. Don't know why the question would pop up, though."
Seible was on the verge of committing unspeakable horrors all in the name of love. "You literally fluster him by lowering your voice. If that's not dating, I don't know what is."
"Well yeah, but like… I do that with all of my homies…"
"Oh my fucking god. You are hopeless, Gin-chan."
———
Seible lay on the floor of the green room, covered in stickers and glitter. Freo looked at him, while complaining about how godawful it was to see their two best friends pining after each other but never attempting to go further. Freo was very near strangling a man, and Seible was very close to eating the jar of glitter he had in the green room closet. By now, Kaelix and Zeal had gone upstairs, probably to watch some old anime clips or some shit, leaving the two very frustrated men downstairs.
"God, they're so bad. Cataclysmatic, even."
"You're so right, Furi-chan. Let's throw them in the walk-in freezer and not let them out until they confess."
"Seible. That may kill them. They're too coward to confess."
"Fine, I'll rig 7 Minutes in Heaven so they get locked in a closet together."
"Cochino…"
Seible got up off the floor and plonked himself on the couch next to Freo, sending a puff of glitter into the air. Freo waved the glitter away from his face. "Seible, watch the glitter. I don't want to wake up with glitter in my hair tomorrow."
"Sorry, Furi-chan~ They're just annoying me."
"Stupid. But I still love you, unfortunately."
"Haha, I can annoy you for the rest of your life."
"Next time, I'm going to think about the consequences of my actions."
+1
It was a pretty quiet day in the library Fulgur was manning. Wait no, scratch that. Libraries are supposed to be quiet. It was an average day in the library Fulgur was manning. Being bored, he decided to walk around a little, make sure no one was eating or drinking from open canisters. Walking down the private study areas, he saw a door left slightly ajar, a yellow sliver of warm light bleeding out into the white-washed hallway. He peered in, trying to make sure the occupants knew the door was slightly open. What he didn't expect was that he'd intrude on a moment that was too real; too private. He froze. He saw his juniors, Kaelix and Zeal. He was leaning over Kaelix, his head cupped in Zeal's hands, a soft press of lips to lips. Zeal tilted his head, deepening the angle, while Kaelix reciprocated with little hesitation, wrapping his arms around the back of Zeal's head, gripping the black strands tightly.
When they had finished, Zeal sat in one of the chairs, holding Kaelix tightly. Fulgur stood there, shocked at what he had seen. He knocked on the door softly, before opening it fully. With a mischievous grin, he snapped a photo of Kaelix in Zeal's arms. "Wha—Fulgur-senpai–?! Why're you here?!"
Zeal flushed, seeing his senior standing in the doorway with a shit-eating grin. Fulgur looked absolutely proud of himself. "I saw the opportunity and I had to take it."
Kaelix sat there for a few seconds, then buried his head in the crook of Zeal's shoulder. "Ughhh… I hate you all."
Zeal and Fulgur opened their mouths in unison. "No you don't."
Fulgur stared at them from the door. "So. Are you dating yet?"
Zeal sighed. "Well, seeing as you literally just saw us make out, it's probably useless to lie. Yes, we are dating."
Fulgur decided to completely forget about his library's rules and whoop. Loudly. Probably disturbing people, but fuck it, this was important.
"WOO LET'S FUCKING GOOO".
———
[Operation get Zeal and Kaelix together]
fuu-chan attached image: blurry photo of Zeal and Kaelix cuddling on library chair
[fuuchan]
GUYS. I SAW IT. THEY KISSED. AND THEN CUDDLED. IN MY LIBRARY.
[feesh]
OH MY GOD FINALLY OH MY GOD THIS IS A MOMENT IN HISTORY.
[vantacrow bringyourmom]
YESSS. FINALLY. @willy @claude YOU OWE ME 20. I WAS BETTING FOR THE NEXT MONTH
[hotdog man]
???
WAIT SHIT WHAT
THEYRE FINALLY DATING
FULGUR I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR THE IMAGE.
[willy]
THEY'RE FINALLY DATING
IVE BEEN WAITING SO LONG
YESSSSSSS
[ewiwia]
IM FRAMING THIS IMAGE. IM GOING TO WRITE A 100K WORD SLOWBURN.
[shoe]
omg finally i was gonna lock them in a room together
^^that was luca
[mama uki]
finally
[seible]
WAIT REAL?? OH MY GOD
[freeooo]
I will be interrogating them about this later. Thank you for the blackmail, @fuuchan.
———
Fulgur softly shut his phone off, turning back to Uki. He looked at them. "Ah, young love." They snorted. "We're only like, five years older, Fufuchan. At least they're finally dating."
"Yeah well that's better than us at least. I was pining for years."
Uki groaned, "Ugh, don't remind me. We were hopeless."
———
Seible shook Kaelix and Zeal as they walked into the livehouse. "Fulgur-senpai told us he saw you two kissing in the library!" He pointed a jokingly accusatory finger at them. Freo laid a hand on his shoulder. "Seible, at least they're not pining anymore." Kaelix and Zeal both flushed. "Um.. He told you?"
"Yeah."
Seible dragged Zeal off to interrogate him, leaving Freo to discuss with Kaelix. Seible stared at Zeal. "So is he a good kisser?"
Zeal hit Seible on the head. "SEIBLE!"