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The crust of sleep slowly drained from San’s eyes as he squinted into the dark void of his bedroom ceiling. It’s been a while since he’d slept for so long, since he’d laid in one place for so long. It’s only been two weeks since the group completed the U.S leg of their IYF tour, it had been a great success as expected. Sure there were instances of fans camping overnight at arenas or the occasional stalker asking to sign albums they conveniently carry around but San has accepted it all as the price for popularity. At least no one broke into their hotel this time. For the most part, he loved bonding with atinys during concerts; hearing the roaring cheers past his in-ears, performing skits on stage and signing ateez merch at send-offs. Some fans were great at cracking jokes, some thanked him sincerely for being an inspirational idol, and some shoved photocards in his face.
But now they’re back in Korea and already at the drawing board for their next comeback. They had renewed their contracts a couple months prior; each member booked their own meeting with KQ executives over all sorts of negotiations. Their incoming workload, increase in payments, the inevitability of military service. But also what restrictions would or would not still apply in the new contracts. All of his friends went to their appointments alone but not him.
And not Wooyoung.
San registers the dull weight of a hand on top of his chest. He turned his head to the left and there Wooyoung was in all his Wooyoung glory: one of the worst cases of bed hair San has ever seen, his face squished on the pillow as the tiniest bit of drool leaks onto the covers, and a twitching leg outside the grey blankets. His steady breathing causes only the slightest of movements. As usual, San couldn’t help the love-struck smile from crossing his face. This was undeniably his favorite part of the day. Wooyoung didn’t sleep in his room on a daily basis but it was enough for a grouchy Mingi one day to tell him to keep a toothbrush in San’s bathroom already. To be fair, the two were particularly loud that night though not on purpose. They usually have enough decency to not fuck in the dorms when their friends are around but fucking hell Wooyoung can be such a bratty, teasing little slut-
Anyway, both of them currently have their clothes on so clearly they didn’t go overboard last night. It was 5pm when Wooyoung barged in and after an hour of cuddling, San recommended they start that anime Mingi wouldn’t stop talking about. The summer Hikaru died or something along those lines. They snuggled as Wooyoung gave quips about the horror scenes and San found the replacement Hikaru to be adorable. But besides that there wasn’t much talking. A lot of alone time San shares with Wooyoung is just simmering in each other’s company. It’s not that they’ve run out of things to say but they don’t need to say anything. Plus, the show’s themes ended up hitting close to home. San can see why Mingi liked it so much even though horror wasn't his cup of tea. They were halfway through episode six when San’s eyes began to droop and before he knew it he was out cold for what? 10 hours?
San’s other hand searched for his phone blindly in the small space between him and Wooyoung. When he finally felt the familiar chill of his phone, his eyes were greeted with the wallpaper of a long-haired Wooyoung nuzzling a baby puppy Emma and a bright white “5:03 AM”.
He sighed, putting the phone on his nightstand. Although today was one of their rare free days, San wasn’t sure he could go back to sleep. He wasn’t used to being…inactive. He could hit the gym but he had an itch to go out and get some fresh air. He carefully lifted Wooyoung’s hand and sat up, placing it gently on the pillow. After stretching and popping a few joints San went about his morning routine then fumbling in his drawers until he found a black tracksuit. Halfway through tying his shoelaces is when he heard a faint, muffled voice.
“Mmm…where are you going?” San twisted around to see Wooyoung’s eyes barely open, clearly his boyfriend wasn’t fully awake. His hand reached out to stroke the mole on Wooyoung’s cheekbone, using all his idol trained self-control to not smother him in kisses.
San spoke cutely back. “Mmm I’m going for a morning run. I’ll be back in an hour or two. Did you sleep well?”
Wooyoung sluggishly nodded and San’s feeble restraint broke as it always does to things concerning Wooyoung. He surged forward, putting half his weight back on the mattress as he planted a wet kiss on Wooyoung’s forehead. A weak attempt to squirm was made but quickly Wooyoung settled into the embrace, raising his arms onto San’s broad shoulders. Their noses brushed and San nearly forgot what he had dressed up for.
Wooyoung’s voice was still low but less slurred. “Can I go with you?”
San considered it for a moment. But he shook his head, “No it’s okay. You should rest as much as possible. You have a lot of solo schedules coming up.”
“Ugh don’t remind me.” Wooyoung groaned while staring at San’s upper lip. “Then…can I get a good morning kiss?”
“Huh?” San feigned confusion, scratching the back of his head. “I gave you one already.”
Wooyoung’s face dropped into the funniest deadpan expression and San couldn’t stifle his laughter in time. He looked exactly like his black cat character, a part of San wanted to take a photo. But the other part, the part that eventually won over, is satisfied keeping it as a private memory. He gives in and sucks on Wooyoung’s bottom lip, the other boy gently pinching his earlobes in return. The kisses kept chaste as San simply relishes in the lazy atmosphere.
They’ve been dating for years yet kissing Wooyoung still turns him all loopy and floaty inside. Loving him is not so different from being drunk honestly. Sure San can sober himself up to give intense performances on a stage, act goofy in front of a camera, pose for airport reporters, or dutifully follow scripts for a show. But one look at Wooyoung and he’s drunk all over again.
And after all this time it still gives him whiplash. He wishes it didn’t. Things would be easier if he was a better actor…
Wooyoung must’ve noticed San stopped moving his lips because he leaned back, half-dazed and half-puzzled. “Sannie?”
San snaps himself out of it before he ends up worrying Wooyoung. Those types of spirals never lead to anywhere good. He needs to be strong for both of them. “Jagi if you keep this up I won’t leave”.
Wooyoung scoffed and blew a raspberry. “Yeah. That’s the plan.”
San rolled his eyes and got up, squeezing his left heel in his sneaker. “Spoiled. You are so spoiled, you know?”
Wooyoung was awake enough to give a sly, fox-like smirk. “And who’s fault is that?”
San grabbed his phone from the nightstand, shoved it in his pockets, and connected his earpods. “I have no idea but please tell me who after I come back.”
Wooyoung giggled as San opened his door and the last thing San heard before closing it was “love you”.
San was exiting his dorm when his eyes traced down, spotting Hongjoong outside the apartment complex in his tight black shorts and green tank top. He didn’t look sweaty so he must’ve left his dorm a few minutes ago. San had forgotten Hongjoong went jogging at the crack of dawn, their leader had grown such an affinity to running he even organized a global run campaign for charity. San bit the sides of his cheek, considering if he should pretend he didn’t see the little guy. Oh what the heck. San didn’t mind having some company.
He yelled from two stories above, way too loud for this time of day. “Hyung!”
Hongjoong flinched from being startled, briefly looking around until pointing his gaze up to see San waving at him. He made a toothy grin and motioned for San to come down.
“San-ah you’re up? You can sleep in y’know, you’re not a vampire like me.” Hongjoong wiggled his eyebrows at his own joke, the older idol being notorious for running on 3 hours of sleep and the tears of their haters.
San shrugged, “I’m in a running mood. And since we’re here I’d like to see the route you take hyung. I-If it’s not a bother-”
“No, no of course it’s not.” Hongjoong lightly punched San’s arm. “It’s been a while since we’ve spent some quality time together. Come, let me show you the Hongjoong-style running trail!”
San smiled and nodded his head to the side. “You’re the leader.”
Their neighborhood reflected a type of tranquility not unique to the streets of Seoul. While the bustling of corporate employees and students haven’t started yet, it wasn’t necessarily silent. Cars still sped down roads, drowsy owners unlocked their convenient stores, other joggers passed by. The sky had begun to transition to a hazy indigo with orange brushstrokes. While nothing can replicate the calmness waking up in Namhae brought, the city spoke its own language. And San had long grown accustomed to it.
Hongjoong had good stamina too. It’s been 50 minutes and they only took one break. He drank from Hongjoong’s hydro flask since he forgot his. He didn’t comment on the pink bunny sticker slapped on it.
Hongjoong led him into Gyeongui Line Forest Park and collapsed on a bench quite dramatically. Hongjoong patted on the empty side for San to sit and he obliged, taking in the scenery. It wasn’t his favorite park in Seoul by any means but it looked quite nice without its afternoon crowds. There was a cool breeze hitting this spot that felt like heaven against his skin A couple pigeons flocked to the park’s pathway and Hongjoong flicked his tongue.
“I didn’t bring sunflower seeds today. Ah and there’s a lot of them too.”
“You feed them?” San said, unzipping his jacket halfway.
Hongjoong folded his mouth, a mix of pride and bashfulness. “Yeah. I know it sounds silly but they remind me of when we all lived in the same dorm. And whenever food was ready we’d all hoard at the table like starving birds.”
The corners of San’s mouth curled at the fond memories. But he couldn’t help teasing Hongjoong a bit. “Yes, although I don’t remember you feeding us since you were banned from the kitchen.”
The shorter man huffed and rolled his eyes. “I tried to make japchae one time!”
“And you nearly sent Wooyoungie into cardiac arrest. He still says a prayer whenever you go near a stove.”
Hongjoong scrunched his eyebrows confused, “But Wooyoung isn’t religious.”
San laughed, his dimples showing. “Yeah! That’s how scared he is.
Hongjoong pouted and crossed his arms with sass. “Well both of you are meanies. Back in my day we respected our seniors.”
San’s smile then settled into something more sincere. “Hongjoong-hyung of course I respect you. You’re my second-favorite hyung.”
Hongjoong murmured. “You only have two.”
“And your competition is Seonghwa-hyung. Can you blame me?” San leaned forward as if to dare and Hongjoong averted his gaze, still pouting.
“….No.”
Their banter ceased for a moment and San thought Hongjoong would suggest they start running again. But it seemed the conversation wasn’t ending anytime soon. Hongjoong put his elbow on the bench’s metal arm to lean on his knuckles, facing San more pointedly. “Speaking of Wooyoung, you didn’t come with your partner in crime? He disappeared yesterday so I know he spent the night at your place doing god knows what.”
While Wooyoung and San have put in serious effort to not be attached at the hip 24/7, if either of them goes missing there’s a 70% chance they’re with the other. Yunho once claimed it's scientifically proven at this point and earned a flick on the forehead by San himself. San won’t call it an obsession despite what his members say. It’s just sometimes he has the carnal urge even in non-sexual situations to merge into his boyfriend. Wooyoung recharges his social battery, he lightens San’s mood on a rough day, he understands San's comedy like no one else and talks with him about nonsense for hours. Hecan’t imagine getting tired of Wooyoung.
Because being with Wooyoung reminds San that his love isn’t one-sided. It just has to be hidden.
That’s all.
San tilted his head up to a lighter blue sky. “I might have if I had known I’d run into you. But nah…I wanted him to get more sleep.”
Hongjoong hummed in understanding. “That’s good. Our summer tours take a larger toll on him.”
San was hyperaware of that fact. His quick glances during intermissions, dress changes, and ments bore the responsibility of that fact. Never in an overbearing way, San trusts Wooyoung can take care of himself but that never stopped San from sticking by his side backstage once the concerts were over. Intertwining their hands when speaking to crew or caressing the younger boy in his lap on his dressing chair. Not out of worry but out of pride, for doing such a good job and caring so much about their fans to always push through.
San replied, warmth pouring out of him. “Wooyoungie’s really strong.”
Hongjoong grinned back. “For sure. But you’re strong too y’know.”
Was he? Strength was more than the ability to bench press 200lbs or do 40 consecutive push-ups. San was sensitive, wore his heart on his sleeve, trusted too easily, and still struggled being social with strangers. How strong is he if he can’t be truthful about who he is? He can’t even be fully truthful with Hongjoong who’s had to deal with the fallouts of him and Wooyoung’s…shenanigans.
The words slipped out before he could shove them back down his throat. San muttered hesitantly, “Actually…there’s uh…something you should know about.”
Hongjoong raised an eyebrow, suddenly intrigued. He properly sat up and gestured a head nod for San to continue.
San exhaled, deciding to let it all out. “Back when we agreed to renew our contracts, Wooyoungie and I went to negotiations together. One of the things we asked…or well I guess Wooyoungie demanded, is that we be more open with our relationship.”
The rustling of tree leaves were the only sounds San could hear. Hongjoong’s amber hair swished gently as his mouth rested in a small ‘o’ shape. A wave of uncertainty fell over San and he felt compelled to clarify. “Under their terms of course! We won’t be stupid. Again…”
The infamous “bouncy kiss” incident hung over them akin to a damp, weighted blanket. While the members weren't pissed like their managers and the KQ execs were, the whole situation had them on edge. Hongjoong gave a long lecture filled with disappointment and while they’ve been subjected to several of his lectures, what unsettled San was how defeated Wooyoung was. How he just stared at the ground and only responded with a weak “okay…” when Hongjoong told them the new restrictions they’ll have to agree to. It all left San kinda speechless, it was as though the company moved into auto-pilot for self-preservation.
They wouldn’t break up of course, as if anyone would dare. San would fight every executive in the industry before a single soul would order him to end their relationship. So that was never a concern but San couldn’t shake off the guilt that they could’ve fucked everything up. In the group they’ve worked tirelessly for years, their friends’ livelihoods, their fans’ hard-earned trust.
It felt like an eternity until Hongjoong finally spoke but it wasn’t what San was expecting. “Oh. Okay then. Wait, is that why you guys chose to act blatant during lemon drop promotions?”
“Well-” San halted, scrambling to find an answer. That went a lot easier than he thought. Not that any other reaction from Hongjoong would change anything, it’s all already finalized in paperwork. But why isn’t he annoyed? Why isn’t he sighing or shaking his head in confusion? Isn’t he curious about what being ‘open’ means?
“-that was part of it.” San’s hands dug into his pockets to fidget them out of sight. He mumbled, “It was more out of spite than anything though.”
The comments of them not being close anymore had finally gotten on Wooyoung’s last nerve. None of the members were strangers to hate comments or slander online. It was something idols had to deal with; bitter jealous people who had nothing better to do. It was always disheartening to see them from supposed fans but it was advised to simply ignore them. But with Wooyoung lurking on X the most, he’d gotten exposed to a lot of bullshit. He takes it better now compared to when he was a rookie full of insecurities, even defends himself every now and then. But the insults towards their relationship seemed to always irritate him the most. San knew it was one of those days when Wooyoung would break his door down at 9pm and just say “we’re going for a walk.”
That walk would either be dead silent until Wooyoung suggests they eat something at a favorite restaurant of his or Wooyoung venting the entire time. And if he was venting it was mostly curse words, ramblings of ‘those losers don’t know anything’ and speaking a mile a minute. San understood not to say much during those times, that Wooyoung didn’t need verbal affirmations of how much San loved him. Because he knew that, he told San himself.
On one of those venting nights Wooyoung had said, “It disrespects us...what we have...what we are and it’s all my fault.”
So when Wooyoung became more clingy and affectionate in public shortly after the contract negotiations, San could piece together what fromm message set him off. Wooyoung needed an outlet to hammer the point into some skulls and San was more than willing to provide. And it was nice…not being treated like a secret. It made him more confident about their decision but doubts were still there.
Doubts are still here. San posed the question, his hands getting more clamped. “So you’re okay with it?”
Hongjoong shifted so his entire body was facing San. He looked pretty confused. “Why wouldn’t I be? If you two are careful and happier from it go ahead.”
“Yeah but last time we messed up-”
“San-ah look.” Hongjoong cut him off and took a deep breath. He continued, “You and I are closer to thirty than we are to twenty. We aren’t rookies anymore and we aren’t a bunch of unknowns. I have to trust you guys to make good choices on your own.”
Although San felt grateful to not be treated as kids anymore that doesn't solve his dilemma. “So, do you think it was the right choice?”
Hongjoong paused for a moment, shaking his container to echo the splashing of water and half-melted ice. “…I think whether it's right or wrong in the grand scheme of things is irrelevant. I think it could be good for you two.”
San didn’t miss how Hongjoong’s thumb kept grazing the bunny sticker but he chose to not comment on it once again. Hongjoong said quietly in a contemplative tone, “It’s not something I would’ve done. But I’m not you. And I’m not Wooyoung.”
San wasn’t sure how to respond to that so he simply nodded and allowed the conversation to end there. At least he would’ve on any other day but it seems his mouth is moving faster than his brain this September morning. A few minutes went by before San spoke again, sounding even more doubtful than before. “Hongjoong-hyung do you think one day I can be honest…really honest with atinys? About Wooyoungie and I?”
It was a pipe dream. Something he has fantasized about endlessly during concerts when Wooyoung was merely a foot away from him. With his high-pitched giggle and wandering hands and sparkling eyes. Of how easy it would be to pull him in by the waist and kiss him stupid like the world was ending. Like it was their last day on earth and San begged whatever god out there to grant this as his final request. Wooyoung would kiss him back and maybe depending on where they were the crowd might even cheer…
The ultimate romance that would fit a cheesy novel for young adults or a Hollywood rom-com. Not real life. Not their lives. Yet San couldn’t help but ask a question he already knew the answer to.
And yet Hongjoong says something he didn’t expect once again. “San-ah you’re already honest with them.”
It went dead quiet for a minute before San whipped his neck so fast it damn near gave him nausea. “Huh?!”
“Well as honest as you can be. You’ve never been the subtle type.” Hongjoong chuckled somewhat to himself after saying that and San fought the urge to sulk. San believed in politeness and searching for the right things to say. He also couldn’t hide anything to save his life. The fandom has dubbed him the king of spoilers for a reason.
Hongjoong crossed his legs and continued dissecting San. “Naturally, you’re earnest and straightforward. It’s in you and your body reflects that. And you’ve been upfront about what Wooyoung is to you.”
San frowned, dissatisfied with his explanation. “But Wooyoungie is….everything to me.” San isn’t sure he could put into words the depths of his love for Wooyoung. How can he articulate in a concrete way that he’s never loved someone like this before and he never will? The ever-growing sensation of euphoria that comes when he watches Wooyoung yawn in the morning and when he watches him flutter his eyes closed at night. The knowledge of having someone who’ll never abandon you, who will always choose you. It’s more than romance and it’s more than a soulmate. Wooyoung is his person. Wooyoung is his.
Hongjoong’s eyes softened upon hearing the conviction in his voice. He replied, scooting closer to San on the bench. “I know. I’ve watched you two for so long…watched you grow up. Some fans will know too and a lot won’t. That’s not a bad thing.”
His captain lowered his voice to something more serious. “San-ah you don’t owe anyone anything.”
“I know!” San accidentally burst out, which caused Hongjoong to freeze up like a spooked cat. A middle-aged woman walking her corgi on the other side of the pathway flicked her eyes towards them but luckily she didn’t recognize who they were. Guilt immediately flooded San and he apologized, eyes lasered in at the remaining pigeons waddling to the patches of artificial grass.
“Sorry, I know. I’m just mixed up inside. I wanna protect Wooyoungie, I wanna protect you guys. But sometimes I feel like such a liar…and it hurts.” It pained San to confess how no matter what he does, he feels like he’s disappointing someone. He wants privacy but he also wants to be an idol of integrity. He wants to be heard and he wants to be safe and he doesn’t want to lose anything for it.
Perhaps his words gave Hongjoong a clearer sense of his inner conflict because the other man then asked, “So when the company approved the next contract to not restrict you two, how did you feel?”
The answer was obvious when he spun a teary-eyed Wooyoung around in his arms the moment they left that meeting room. San nearly laughed at the ridiculous question. “Like I could fly.”
Hongjoong put a hand on San’s shoulder and finally stood up, looking down at his dongsaeng with a resolved smile. “Then that’s all that matters. If you want what I really think, we can't say never. You can't tell atinys anytime soon but maybe seven...ten...twelve years from now."
Hongjoong's smile turned a bit sad. "It's not the happiest thought but maybe by then, people are little more accepting. Maybe more idols will be open about their true selves too. But regardless of what you do, we have your back. Don't forget that okay?"
Lucky. That was the only word rattling his brain. San was so unbelievably lucky to have such wonderful people in his life. He doesn't know what he did to deserve this but San will embrace what destiny has blessed him with. He responded shakily, "Okay."
Hongjoong lifted his hand from San and said with a hint of envy, “And besides, I admire you and Wooyoung so much. I’ve come to learn a lot from your relationship.” It was to everyone’s knowledge that Hongjoong and Seonghwa have been dating for a couple months now. Or as Wooyoung put it ‘finally got their shit together’. Fittingly enough, he was the first to find out because he’d been leaving San’s room at 4am after a frotting session. So the usual but right then, what can only be described as a cosmic joke, Hongjoong left Seonghwa’s room at the exact same time. Except the buttons on his shirt were mismatched and his fly was down. Apparently they stared into each other’s souls until Wooyoung ran back into San’s room and narrated what happened like he'd seen a ghost. The next day, Hongjoong called in a group meeting and broke the news before Wooyoung’s slippery tongue could.
Maybe that’s why San opened up to Hongjoong. Him and Wooyoung have had countless late-night conversations about their relationship. Of what-ifs, of harsh realities, and of elaborate dreams. Some nights they’d be talking merrily about their future as elderly lovers on the cold floor beside San’s closet. Some nights they’d be lying on Wooyoung’s bed holding each other as one of them cries. Wishing things were different, saying depressing stuff like ‘what if we weren’t idols?’ or ‘I just want a family with you’. Sometimes they need to get it out of their system, San can’t call them regrets because he knows if offered a redo he’ll make the same choices all over again.
But at a certain point San stopped sharing back because he had to hold both of them steady. He had to keep mental notes of everything Wooyoung longed for so he could give them to him. Could gift him every little star he’s ever dreamed of. No matter how long it takes.
San just hadn’t realized how many doubts he was carrying as a result. It was comforting to confide in someone else, another person who gets it. He got up as well and nudged Hongjoong with his elbow, he couldn’t resist being a little smug. “Oh have you?”
As if Hongjoong could read his mind he slid away from San, sneakers scratching against the pavement while groaning. “Hey, not the strange dom-sub antics y’all get up to. God, the one thing I wish you could tone down.”
San put on a tight-lipped smile, his dimples prominent. “No promises. But I can give you some tips. Seonghwa-hyung is very open-minded.”
That’s what got Hongjoong to sprint, his hydro flask being the only reason he probably didn’t plug his ears. “Lalalalala I can’t hear you!”
San bent over snickering but figured he shouldn’t get left behind. He quickly caught up to Hongjoong who made it to the park’s entrance, begrudgingly waiting for him. Both hands on his hips while talking deep breaths. “Ugh you and Wooyoung are one and the same.”
San flipped around and started jogging backwards out of the park, pumped like he took shots of caffeine. “Obviously.”
They decided to jog halfway and then walk back to the apartments, finding no need to rush. Talking about mundane things like San trying out a new BBQ restaurant with Jongho next weekend and Hongjoong needing to change the strings of one of his guitars. The pink one. His favorite one to no one’s surprise. Soon enough they were entering the complex’s elevator and pressing their respective floors. It was only now that San realized Hongjoong hadn’t brought his phone and San barely used his either, even for music. They really just talked for most of it.
San broke the comfortable silence and said truthfully, “And uh…thank you for your advice. It really helped sort some things out for me.”
The ding sound for Hongjoong’s floor rang and the elevator doors opened. The shorter idol gave an awkward thumbs up and left his side to tell him goodbye with a warm smile. “Of course. We’re family right?”
A bubbling of emotions sprung in San’s chest and he fought his lips quivering. “Right.”
When he returned to his dorm, taking off his shoes and jacket, he was greeted with Wooyoung’s back facing him. And the aroma of kimchi but that wasn’t what San was focused on. In typical Wooyoung fashion he was wearing one of San’s old shirts, a black worn-out shirt with the words ‘You only live once’ on its back. It appeared oversized on Wooyoung like most of San’s clothes did, swallowing him up as its hem reached just above his amicus ad aras tattoo. Not wearing any pants either which just accentuated those long, beautiful legs. Is he wearing boxers? Possibly but San wouldn’t bet on it.
It seems he’d just finished making breakfast, setting down plates of kimchi pancakes on the kitchen counter. He spoke without turning around. “How far did you go? It’s half past eight.”
San should definitely take a shower but his legs moved on their own towards the man of his desires. He wrapped his arms around Wooyoung’s waist and nuzzled against his neck. Wooyoung always smelled so good. Like freshly picked strawberries and a July summer breeze and home. “I’m hungry.”
“Yeah, well I made breakfast. So go wake up the others and take a bath you stink.” For some reason San couldn’t budge from where he was standing. Maybe it was the extensive talk he had with Hongjoong earlier coupled with Wooyoung’s body heat pressing against his chest. But at this moment, San just felt so thankful to be alive.
He hugged Wooyoung tighter and allowed a few tears to trickle down. He doesn’t want to hide this feeling anymore. He doesn’t want to be strong right now.
Wooyoung must’ve noticed his arms trembling because his voice picked up, a bit panicked. “Sannie? Jagiya? What’s wrong?”
Wooyoung whipped around and lifted his head to look at him properly. San knew it would catch Wooyoung off guard, he hasn’t cried in months. He could see all of Wooyoung’s microexpressions; the way his pupils scanned San’s body to see if he’s injured, the minute twitching of his fingers holding San’s face. All of San’s anxieties of being a burden evaporated in an instant.
He joined his hand on the one resting on his cheek and whispered, “Nothing. I’m happy…and I’m tired…and I love you. So much.”
Wooyoung seemed to not know what to do with that but settled on saying, “I love you too. Do you wanna talk about it?”
San nodded without any second thoughts. “Later.”
Wooyoung exhaled and went quiet for a couple seconds. And then suddenly jerked forward to kiss San on the nose. He momentarily went cross-eyed and then another kiss landed on his forehead. Then his left ear then his jawline. He was ambushed by an onslaught of kisses until Wooyoung was just licking his face.
San wrinkled his nose in half-disgust, shoving a persistent Wooyoung away. “Ugh you're slobbering all over me! And I’m still sweaty by the way”.
That damn menace sent him a lewd smile and licked his bottom lip. “That’s the best part. My baby tastes delicious.”
San couldn’t fight the blush creeping across his freckles or his hand creeping under Wooyoung’s (his) shirt. The brat was wearing boxers after all. He pursed his lips like a petulant child. “I’m not a baby.”
“Right”. Wooyoung’s hands dug into his scalp and tugged, knowing how much it’ll drive San crazy. Wooyoung’s half-lidded gaze only made things worse as he leaned further so they’re merely inches apart. Centimeters even. “And I’m not spoiled.”
Mingi’s tall frame standing across from them popped their steamy bubble. He was in blue pajamas and his black hair was sticking out in all directions. It was usually at this hour when he’d get his special mug and brew some coffee. He didn’t look pleased to witness them right about to eat each other at 8am. Mingi said in a sleepy flat voice, “Good morning to you too. And if you’re gonna fuck, can you do it away from the table.”
San moved back, unaware he’d corner Wooyoung onto the counter but Wooyoung’s hands slid down to his pecs, annoyed by the interruption. “Is this the thanks I get for making breakfast?”
“Breakfast you were about to jizz all over.” Goodness, Mingi’s mouth was even more unfiltered in the morning.
San can admit they’ve got their fair share of kinks but food play is not one of them. Wooyoung didn’t have a snappy comeback prepared so he opted for straight denial. “N-No! What do you take me for?!”
“A pervert.” Mingi said like it’s the most obvious thing ever. He got into character, wiggling his ass and biting the tip of his finger like a hooker. “My baby tastes delicious and I’m a spoiled bad boy. Mmn yeah daddy~”
Before San could die from embarrassment Wooyoung had lunged at Mingi who dodged easily and ran down the hallway, cackling with a flustered Wooyoung not far behind. “You’re fucking dead Mingi!”
They sped past Seonghwa who was just entering the living room, thoroughly lost. “San-ah good morning. Why is Mingi dying?….ooh pancakes!”
San pushed the plate to Seonghwa and sat on one of the stools lying around, sighing. “He can tell you once Wooyoungie unlocks the laundry room.”
Seonghwa grabbed two pairs of metal chopsticks, handed one to San and cut off a piece of his own pancake. Humming at how tasty it was and making a side comment about hiring Wooyoung as his personal cook. As if Wooyoung wasn’t already after all these years. Seonghwa covered his mouth to finish chewing before asking San tentatively, “But how?”
Like he was summoned, Wooyoung paced up to where San was sitting expectantly. With pretty doe eyes that shook as if on the verge of tears, no different from an abandoned kitten pleading with its owner not to go. Except it’s pleading with San to let it tear his bandmate to shreds. Wooyoung put on the charm in a sickly sweet request. “My beloved heart, where is the key to the laundry room?”
San knew he was the only one who could calm Wooyoung down. Reason with him that they should’ve just taken it to the bedroom and Mingi isn’t wrong for wanting to drink coffee in peace. That the whole thing was kinda funny and in a few years they’ll all laugh about it over a bottle of soju. Yes, only San could save poor Mingi now.
“Nightstand second drawer.”
“Thank youuuu~”
A firm kiss pressed onto his temple and Wooyoung was off. Seonghwa shook his head like a disappointed parent. “You’re so easy.”
San shrugged, fully aware Wooyoung got him wrapped around his pinky. “Uh-huh but I know you of all people aren’t telling me that.”
At that, Seonghwa coughed instantly and patted his chest as an attempt to maintain some composure. It was common knowledge even amongst staff that Seonghwa would jump off a cliff if Hongjoong told him too. Seonghwa rolled his eyes, suppressing a smile. “Okay fine, love makes you stupid. But I can’t control it and I don’t want to.”
That made San pause for a bit and reflect on the past three hours. Then he closed his eyes, calmly arriving at the conclusion he once feared but inevitably wouldn’t want any other way. “Yeah…I don’t want to either.”
Two men reached an agreement on that front and continued their breakfast, ignoring the cries of help mixed with brash laughter in the distance.