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Raccoons and Relationships

Summary:

You lean in to meet her, and your lips press to hers gently - only to separate swiftly, as the newly assembled replica tips over between you.

“Shit!” Grace hisses. Her hands dart out to catch it, but instead she knocks it further, causing some pieces to fall out. “Fuck, oh man,” she groans, putting her face in her hands. “I’m such a klutz,” she mumbles.

You fail to hold back a giggle, and start picking up the pieces. Grace had found it at a garage sale only days before, so it wasn’t in the best condition, but you knew - at least, from what she’s told you - that her uncle would appreciate it regardless. If only it wouldn’t fall apart so easily.

“You are a klutz,” you agree fondly, “and it’s fucking adorable.”

~

It's Grace's uncle's birthday, and Grace has invited you to help her set up Leon's gift. It goes about as well as can be expected from two clumsy women.

Notes:

I wrote this for sars while waiting for reframework to load the >1 million loose files in re9.

I cannot write x reader unless it toes the line of crack so sorry sars but you wanted this . love you <3

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

 

 

Grace always had the cutest furrow in her brow, with the tip of her tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth, when she was concentrating on something. You watch, smiling softly, as Grace carefully manoeuvers the last pieces of the replica into place. She lets out a satisfied huff, smiling at her work.

 

“There,” she sighs. 

 

“Great job,” you praise, mirroring her grin.

 

“Thanks for your help,” Grace replies. She sits back on her hands, and tilts her head at you. “I’m glad you could come.”

 

“You did all the work, babe,” you tease. “I’m just pretty.”

 

“That,” Grace leans forward, her smile curling into a smirk, “you are.”

 

You lean in to meet her, and your lips press to hers gently - only to separate swiftly, as the newly assembled replica tips over between you.

 

“Shit!” Grace hisses. Her hands dart out to catch it, but instead she knocks it further, causing some pieces to fall out. “Fuck, oh man,” she groans, putting her face in her hands. “I’m such a klutz,” she mumbles. 

 

You fail to hold back a giggle, and start picking up the pieces. Grace had found it at a garage sale only days before, so it wasn’t in the best condition, but you knew - at least, from what she’s told you - that her uncle would appreciate it regardless. If only it wouldn’t fall apart so easily. 

 

“You are a klutz,” you agree fondly, “and it’s fucking adorable.”

 

Grace uncovers her face to glare at you, but she can’t hold back her smile. 

 

“Ass,” she says. “Here, let me help.”

 

“Watch the head,” you remind her. “It’s the hardest part.”

 

“I know.” 

 

You help her reassemble the pieces, but pause as one piece seems out of place. You try to set it up, only for it to fall once more.

 

“That’s too big,” Grace remarks, “it won’t fit.”

 

“I’ll make it fit,” you grumble, trying once more. “It was just inside-”

 

“Uh, Grace?” a deep voice calls through the door. 

 

Grace’s wide eyes meet yours, and you reach a mutual understanding as you both scramble to hide the replica. Grace pulls the blanket off of her bed and tosses it over you, and you understand she wants you to make sure the replica doesn’t fall apart any further.

 

“You, uh, decent in there?” the voice outside continues, sounding more awkward each word.

 

“Y-yeah!” Grace calls back. “Um, you- you can come in!”

 

You hear the door open slowly, and the blanket is just see through enough that you can recognise the form of Grace’s uncle, Leon, poking his head in. He keeps his eyes downcast as he talks to Grace.

 

“Your girlfriend’s here, huh?” Leon asks.

 

“No,” Grace lies - badly. “Just, uh, talking to myself!” 

 

Leon nods, resigned, and gestures to where you hide beneath the thin blanket.

 

“Right, and that’s the natural shape a blanket takes,” he says. “Look, you’re an adult, I don’t care if you have people over. Just give me a heads up, next time?”

 

“Sorry. I will,” Grace promises. “Next time I actually bring someone over, that is,” she adds cheekily. 

 

Leon snorts, shaking his head fondly. You sit perfectly still, taking everything in curiously. 

 

“‘Kay,” Leon grunts. “Tell your blanket to get dressed, and then you can come help me with dinner.”

 

“Alright,” Grace replies. 

 

The door shuts, and you hear the sound of Leon’s boots leaving down the hall. You toss the blanket off of your head, minding the replica you kept guarded. Grace sighs in relief, and shoots you a nervous smile. 

 

“Guess he knows you’re here,” she says.

 

“Yeah,” you reply, “and he thought we were fucking.”

 

“What!? No he didn’t!” 

 

“Grace, I love you, but the last thing I said before he interrupted us was ‘I’ll make it fit’.” You break into laughter, imagining the scenario from Leon’s perspective. “He probably thinks we’re doing some kinky shit with a strap.”

 

“Stop it,” Grace orders, and her cheeks turn pink. “I do not want to think about what Leon assumes of my sex life.”

 

You shrug, and lean over to kiss her cheek. The replica, blessedly still together, stares up at you as if in statuesque judgement. You flip it off, and Grace snorts at your antics. 

 

“Alright,” she says, smacking her knees with her hands. “I’ll do damage control, and distract Leon while you sneak this thing into the living room.”

 

“Yes ma’am.”

 

Grace leaves, her cheeks still pink, and you carefully lift the replica from the floor. It's a disgusting looking anthropomorphic raccoon, part metal and part old fake fur that was matted over. The raccoon is more cartoonish than realistic, and kinda reminds you of the old Chuck E. Cheese mascot. But the real reason Grace got it, as a gift for her uncle’s birthday, was because of the 90s era outfit the raccoon was wearing, along with the skateboard propped on its leg. Grace had said it looked just like a picture she found of Leon when he was alive in the 90s, a time long before you and Grace. 

 

Tucking the replica carefully into your arms, you sneak out of Grace's room and down the hall, towards the sound of voices. The apartment is small enough that you can just see Leon and Grace in the kitchen as you reach the corner, and pause, watching with a fond smile as Grace says something quietly and Leon laughs and ruffles her hair. 

 

Grace had a hard time growing up - her mother's death when she was just a kid would have left her in an orphanage if it hadn't been for Leon. He wasn't truly her uncle, just a close enough friend of her mom's that Grace had grown up calling him that. But he loved her like family, and cared for her the best he could all these years, so while you didn't know him too well, you were more than happy to help Grace with his gift. 

 

Once Leon and Grace have their backs fully turned, you slip around the corner into the living room and place the replica, carefully and quietly, on the coffee table. Content it won't fall apart, you dart into the kitchen, and don an expression of total innocence as Leon and Grace look back at you. 

 

“Hey, you,” Leon greets with a nod. “Didn't hear the front door, did you sneak in?” 

 

His tone is just overly curious enough that you catch his teasing. 

 

“We weren't having sex,” you blurt, eager to help Grace feel less awkward around her uncle. 

 

Instead, Grace splutters, her face going beet-red. Leon laughs at her expense. 

 

“I don't care,” he grunts. 

 

“I don't even like that kinda thing,” you insist. 

 

“Okay,” Leon shrugs. 

 

Content that you've successfully proven Grace's innocence, you join them at the counter. The messy remains of a chicken and vegetable stir-fry is scattered about, and you sigh with a smile. Leon and Grace were so much alike in their discordant living, it was a wonder they hadn't burned the place down by now. You help them clean up, and eventually you all plate the food and gather around the dining table. 

 

You eat in silence while Grace and Leon ask each other about their day. Grace tells Leon she was accepted for the new position as lead journalist, to which Leon congratulates her and offers her a celebratory fist bump. Then Leon tells Grace how his friends at work decorated his desk, and put up an obnoxious ‘happy birthday Leon’ sign on the ceiling above him, that was just low enough to brush his head as he worked. You laugh with them, content in simply observing this little family. 

 

When dinner is finished, and the table cleaned, Grace excitedly has Leon close his eyes as she leads him to the living room. You follow behind, grinning preemptively. You can't imagine anyone appreciating such a creepy gift, but Grace knew Leon well, and you know he wouldn't be anything less than grateful to her. 

 

“Okay,” Grace says, pausing before the coffee table. “Open your eyes.” 

 

Leon does so, and when he spots the raccoon, his eyes widen. 

 

“Holy shit,” he breathes. He glances at Grace in disbelief. “This is for me?” 

 

“Yeah,” Grace says, tilting her head in confusion. “D-do you like it?” 

 

“Grace,” Leon begins, suddenly intense. “This is a limited edition Mr. Raccoon model from the nineties. And you know it's legit because the skateboard has an exclusive Tony Hawk design. They don't sell this shit anywhere anymore. Of course I like it.” He scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief. “Where the hell did you find it?” 

 

“A garage sale,” Grace shrugs. “Guess… someone didn't know what they had.”

 

“Or it belonged to a family member who passed,” you offer, and then wince at your poor choice of topic. “Uh, sorry.” 

 

Leon gingerly lifts the replica, holding it with way more care than a man his size seems capable of. Despite his expression of approval, Grace still watches Leon nervously, chewing her lip as though expecting him to decide he actually hates it. You sidle up to Grace and squeeze her hand, and nod pointedly at her mouth so she stops biting her own skin. She releases her lip and smiles gratefully at you. You kiss her cheek; you can't help it, she's too damn adorable. 

 

When Leon finally finishes inspecting his gift, he sets it back carefully on the coffee table, and pulls Grace into a hug. You release her hand so she can wrap her arms around Leon, and you try not to shift awkwardly as the two hug silently. They both eventually pull away with glistening eyes, and Leon thanks her once more. Then he turns to you, and grins. 

 

“And thank you, too,” he says. “I assume this is what you two were actually working on earlier?”

 

“Yeah,” you reply, snickering as pink returns to Grace's cheeks. “It's fragile and came in pieces, so we had to get it put together first.” 

 

“Well, I'm grateful for the hard work you put into it.” Leon glances at the replica over his shoulder. “It's fucking awesome.” 

 

“Happy birthday, Leon,” Grace says. “Now that you have your gift, it's time to go make dessert.” 

 

“It's my birthday, shouldn't you be making dessert?” 

 

“I can, if you want salt instead of sugar and a completely burnt down oven.”

 

“Right,” Leon nods, grinning fondly. “I'll get right on that, then.” 

 

He leaves you and Grace alone in the living room. You offer Grace a smile, and she beams at you. 

 

“I'm so glad he liked it,” Grace whispers. “I was w-worried he'd be offended by it.” 

 

“It's pretty ugly,” you tease. Grace chuckles, and you take her hands. “But you know he'd like anything you gave him. And you're good at noticing things about people without them having to say, I'm not surprised you struck gold with this thing.” Then, you scrunch your nose. “Go figure he likes weird toys that are older than either of us.” 

 

Grace laughs again, and kisses your cheek. Before she can pull away, you cup her face in your free hand and peck her lips gently, lovingly. Grace smiles at you, her eyes so soft and affectionate it threatens to steal your breath away. 

 

“Love you,” you say, just for her to hear. 

 

“Love you too,” she replies. 

 

Despite Grace's threat of chaos, you both still help Leon make dessert, with minimal collateral damage to the kitchen. The cake is fairly plain, just vanilla with chocolate icing, and it's lopsided and crumbling apart around the edges, but when you all sit down to eat it, it's plenty delicious. 

 

You spend the rest of the night with them, honoured to be included in such a simple yet meaningful occasion. Leon breaks out the beers he bought on the way home, and though you don't take one of the gross beverages, it's the thought that counts. He decides on a movie - predictably, something from the 80's that he grew up watching, and you've never heard of before - and you all relax on the couch, enjoying the quiet calm of the evening, surrounded by warmth and love. 

 

 

Notes:

This is the first time I've written in present tense in YEARS and it was very difficult I really hate present tense. but it felt better for a second person pov fic so I hope it was readable