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i.
Canadian wolf birds are somehow more terrifying than bleeding his deepest grief into Shane’s lap. Shane doesn’t think his mother was weak. Ilya’s heart feels a little lighter now Shane knows how beautiful and funny she was.
ii.
Shane Hollander loves Ilya Rozanov.
iii.
Ilya is fairly sure when Yuna Hollander throws a “love you” as they’re leaving, she is not just saying it to Shane. He holds returning the sentiment inside, but feels it in every fibre of his being. He did not know one human could love another so quickly. He looks at Shane. Well, maybe he did.
iv.
Without his secret weighing him down, Shane is hornier than Ilya has ever known him. Ilya learns two new things this day: Shane can come more than twice an hour and Ilya can fall asleep while he is still inside of him.
v.
It is possible to spend a whole day together without fucking and it’s still a good day. Maybe the best so far.
vi.
Once Shane has an idea, he will not rest until everything is sorted. Their charity has a name, a cause, three potential venues and a spreadsheet with a five-year-plan before 8am.
vii.
Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov can spend a whole week mostly naked together and still get hard from just a glance. Ilya uses this new knowledge to his full advantage.
viii.
A text message with a reminder you have a flight in six days is more painful than a dagger straight through the heart, probably.
ix.
Yuna Hollander would really rather die than let her husband win at cards. Or her son. Or her son’s boyfriend. David Hollander is definitely where Shane gets his boring from. He is wonderful.
x.
Shane talks in his sleep. Indistinguishable, mostly nurmurs, but Ilya definitely made out his own name and that’s when he learns butterflies in your stomach can make you cry.
xi.
Days grow shorter when you know they’re running out.
xii.
It is impossible to be close enough to Shane Hollander. Even inside him, legs and arms wrapped around Ilya, mouths connected and breath intertwined, it’s not enough. Ilya claws at Shane’s back, whispers ‘love you love you love you’ with the rhythm of his thrusts. Still, he is not sure it conveys to Shane how much he misses him already, even though Shane is right here with him. He pulls back to find Shane’s gaze shine with unshed tears, leans down to kiss the corner of his eye and whispers “I’m yours.” Shane shudders, then whimpers, his arms wind tighter around Ilya and barely a sound leaves his lips when he cries “please don’t go.” Ilya’s heart breaks, desperate to provide the one thing he cannot give.
xiii.
After thirteen days of perfection, it is still possible to go back to awkward. Shane tries too hard to make their last moments together perfect, but instead creates tension and expectations Ilya can’t meet. Not when he is so heartbroken for what is to come. Only when Ilya orders Shane to suck him in the shower does the tension break. Maybe Ilya would have liked something more tender, closer and together, but he knows Shane now and this is what he needs. He can be that for Shane. He will be. Forever.
xiv.
Ilya should have booked a fucking evening flight.
Shane sets alarms for absolute deadlines, including when they could potentially last initiate a fuck before they need to leave for the airport. They have twenty minutes. Shane forgot to factor in the fucking heartbreak after. Maybe Ilya could just give up hockey and move into Shane’s arms.
Kissing goodbye before getting in the car is ridiculous.
They are capable of spending two hours in silence. It isn’t comfortable, though.
Shane Hollander is beautiful when he cries. Ilya wishes he didn’t need to learn this.
I love you is not enough when you can’t kiss, or hug, or wipe the tears from the side of his face.
Walking away from that fucking terrible car is the hardest thing Ilya Rozanov has ever done.