Work Text:
“Jeon, where is your wife?” A colleague from his first company would ask.
“Aasahan kong meron ka nang isasama sa reunion next year, hijo,” si Tita Melba naman, kapatid ng tatay niya, tuwing maabutan siya nito sa handaan tuwing pasko o bagong taon.
“Kuya Won, have you seen Ate Seulgi’s wedding photos? Sobrang ganda! When’s your turn?!” A cousin, perhaps, while going through the balikbayan boxes their titos and titas in the States have sent them.
“I haven’t seen you since high school, Wons. A boyfriend? Girlfriend? Spouse? May plus one ka ba tonight?” Jaehyun, a batchmate from years back, on their high school reunion, after a few shots from the event’s makeshift bar.
Naging tipikal na ingay na lang sa likod ng tenga ni Wonwoo ang mga tanong na ito. By now, dapat hindi na niya naa-absorb yung mga ganitong bagay. Sa 32 years niya sa mundo, siguro 32 times a month niya rin naririnig yan.
He would’ve hoped a spouse would magically manifest in front of him sa sobrang dalas banggitin nito sa kaniya, e.
Sanay na siya, honestly. He was already programmed to smile and shake his head, a rehearsed no, wala pa, eh, haven’t met the right one yet always ready to leave his mouth the moment he’s countered with these remarks.
Kaso, lately, it’s been getting to his head. Hindi siya sigurado kung dahil ba sa demands ng trabaho niya na nagdudulot ng tripleng pagod sa kaniya kaya naghahanap siya ng init (not that kind! or maybe that, who knows) tuwing gabi, o talagang pumasok na sa kokote niya yung pangpe-pressure sa kaniya ng lahat ng tao sa paligid niya.
Because if not that, tell him why he’s once again dressing up for a date. Mind you, pangalawa na ‘to this month. That’s twice more than he had ever gone out to mingle for the past year. So maybe it’s that bad.
The first one was two weeks ago. His date was decent. Seungcheol Choi, one of his colleagues. Napagkasunduan lang nilang i-try mag-date dahil baka sakaling mag-click naman daw sila.
And click they did. As friends.
Seungcheol is a great, great guy. No fault in the man’s humor and personality as well. Kaya lang, talagang pang-friends lang siguro silang dalawa.
It was a great date, to say the least. Seungcheol is a good conversationalist. Sinalo niya si Wonwoo sa mga parte ng pag-uusap na wala itong maibato.
No topics about past lovers, failed relationships, or what ifs, too. Talagang nandoon siya sa tapat ni Wonwoo to get to know him.
Wonwoo was, too. Masasabi niyang si seungcheol na yung pinakamatinong naka-date niya tanang buhay niya.
Both of them are open for a second date naman, as he recalled their last conversation before they left the restaurant. Nga lang, after the messages of courtesy when they got home, wala na ring nag-initiate to touch that aspect of their relationship.
Wonwoo’s more than willing to keep him as a friend, lalo na kung nanaisin din ni Seungcheol. They can expound on that soon when they meet again.
After fixing his hair, Wonwoo decided it’s high time he stopped thinking about his former date while preparing for a new one. That would be rude.
Tiningnan niya ulit ang kabuoan ng kaniyang itsura sa full length mirror sa loob ng kaniyang kwarto. Right now, he’s dressed in a navy blue polo shirt and a white pants. His brown loafers tied the entire look. Napagkasunduan nila ng ka-date niyang si Sejun na casual fit lang ang isuot nila for tonight, so he settled with that.
Nang makontento na siya sa ayos niya, lumabas na rin siya sa kwarto after spraying some perfume. Kinuha niya ang susi ng kaniyang condo at sasakyan sa key holder saka tuluyang lumabas ng unit.
It was a twenty-five minute drive from his condo to the restaurant. Malapit lang naman since sa mismong city lang din siya nakatira, pero given the Friday night traffic, the usual ten minutes drive required another fifteen minutes.
Pagdating niya sa parking lot, napansin niyang marami ang magbabarkada sa kabilang establishment. That’s when he realized a restobar was located beside the place.
He glanced at his watch to check if late na ba siya. Luckily, it’s only half past seven, and they both agreed to meet at 8. As soon as he got out of his card, he walked up to the hostess and told her about their reservation.
“Hi,” he greeted with a polite smile. “Under Mr. Cho Sejun, please.”
“Right this way, Sir,” agarang pag-alalay sa kaniya ng hostess. “Mr. Cho has called, Sir, and he’s already on his way,” she informed.
Tumango naman siya dahil saktong nakita niya rin ang message ni Sejun. Like him, the latter was also bothered by the weekend traffic.
Nang makarating sila sa designated table, Wonwoo was immediately asked by a waiter if he wanted anything.
“I’d settle with the appetizer for now, thank you. I’ll wait for Sejun before ordering,” he said and handed the menu to the waiter.
Sejun, like Seungcheol, is also an acquaintance. Pero unlike Seungcheol na nakilala niya through work, Sejun is actually one of Wonwoo’s batchmates in college, although they only became fully acquainted after graduation.
Nagkita ulit sila recently, through Wonwoo’s college friend, Changkyun. Sinama kasi ito ni Changkyun sa get together nila ng college circle niya so they got reintroduced.
Sejun told Changkyun about wanting to take Wonwoo out for dinner, and that brought them here tonight.
Habang naghihintay kay Sejun, nilibang ni Wonwoo ang sarili sa pagmamasid sa paligid. Hindi na bago sa kaniya ang magagarbong kainan, usually naman nakakapasok siya sa mga ganito kapag may business meeting sila. But this is actually the first time he entered a place like this.
The ambiance was in between romantic and laidback, the warm to dim lighting and the mellow music adding to the atmosphere. Wonwoo’s jaw was on the floor, so to speak.
Bago pa man lumalim ang mga iniisip niya, naramdaman niya na ang pag-vibrate ng phone niya sa kaniyang bulsa. He checked and found a new message from Sejun, telling him he’s already at the parking lot.
Upon seeing that, muling gumapang ang kaba sa dibdib ni Wonwoo. Because what if he fucked up again?
Ayaw niyang mapatunayan na siya nga ang problema kaya single siya hanggang ngayon.
Aminado naman siyang hindi gaanong pleasing ang personality niya, kaya nga hindi siya nag-apply sa Las Vegas mowdels noong 18 to 21 years old siya, e.
Pero may desire for new life naman siya, kaya nga he’s putting himself on the market again. Kaya lang, kung hindi na naman ‘to mag-work, and by the end of tonight, may new friend na naman siya, my god, it’s so over for him.
Oras na siguro para mag-isip siya ng bagong script na isasagot sa mga kamag-anak at katrabaho niya kung ganon.
Hindi rin nagtagal ay natanaw niya na si Sejun na kausap ang hostess. Kita niyang iginiya na rin ito ng huli papunta sa kinauupuan niya.
Wonwoo immediately stood up to acknowledge the other’s arrival. Lumapit siya para makipagbeso.
“Hi! Great to see you,” he started. “It’s been a while, ‘no?” Tuloy niya pagkatapos ng beso.
“Good to see you, Wons!” Sejun spoke softly, his hand lingering on Wonwoo’s waist. “Medyo matagal-tagal na nga. It’s been what, a month or two?” He answered, gesturing for Wonwoo to take his seat again.
“Please have a seat.”
“I’m sorry for being late, Wons. Did you wait long?” Anito nang makaupo na sila.
Two waiters immediately went near their table, once again offering the menu.
Umiling naman si Wonwoo sa kausap habang tinatanggap ang menu. “Not really, napaaga lang dahil malapit lang naman ako. And it’s fine, really, we’re both ahead of our agreed upon time, anyway.”
By now, nagiging conscious na si Wonwoo sa pagiging formal niya. It’s one of the things his friends pointed out, albeit not harshly, that he speaks and moves too formal. Baka raw nai-intimidate sa kaniya ang kausap niya.
So he tried to mellow it down. Ayaw niya namang masayang ang gabing ito.
Once their orders had been placed, the two of them easily engaged in a light conversation.
“How’s work, Mr. Auditor?” Sejun asked.
Natawa naman si Wonwoo sa bansag nito sa kaniya.
“It’s fine, nothing too extravagant. Demanding, yes, but I can manage. Thankfully. How about you? I heard you closed a big deal sa firm niyo.” Balik niya sa kausap.
Sejun practically lit up at that. They went on talking about their work until their food arrived.
His date was gentleman enough to assist his every movement all throughout the night. Sejun was also a good listener and a smooth talker. He’d laugh at Wonwoo’s animated talks and respond wittily at his banters.
Bago pa man dumating ang inorder nilang dessert, nakalimang palit na sila ng pinag-uusapan. Wonwoo learned that Sejun spent half of his college days competing in UAAP as part of the taekwondo team, and that he shifted from Nursing to Engineering after first year because that’s when he realized what he truly wanted. Nalaman din ni Wonwoo na Sejun is acquainted with his other friends from both high school and college.
Wonwoo was also able to share about how he failed an accounting course in sophomore year, that’s why he had to shift and take another year in college to graduate under the Accountancy program, how he once considered entering law school but decided against it a week before his scheduled admission exam, and how he knew how to rap and compose songs in senior high school and lost time for that hobby when he entered college.
It really was a good run of conversations after conversations.
Ngayon, habang hinihintay ang dessert nila, they’re talking about pets.
“When I was in high school, I used to have a chicken na inaalagaan sa bahay namin sa probinsya,” Sejun shared. “Sobrang alagang-alaga ko siya to the point na sinasabayan ko siyang kumain.”
Wonwoo couldn’t help but giggle at that. “Don’t tell me kumain ka ng fried chicken sa harap ng alaga mo?”
Sejun fakes a gasp. “Paano mo alam?! I was about to share that!”
Napairap naman si Wonwoo habang gumuguhit ang ngiti sa labi. “Imbento…” bulong niya kahit alam niyang dinig siya ng ka-date dahil sa distansiya nila.
Tumawa naman si Sejun sa sinabi niya. “But it’s true, though!”
“Na kumain ka ng manok sa harap ng alaga mong manok?”
“Hindi, ‘yan imbento lang talaga ‘yan. But it’s true that I have a pet chicken. His name is Bok.”
“Bok?” What a choice, Wonwoo thought.
“Yeah, for bokbokbok,” and they both burst out laughing.
“Ano ba ‘yan, Engineer!”
It was like that for the rest of the dinner. Wonwoo almost thought they could make it work should they decide to pursue something deeper after a few more dinners.
Kaya lang, bago pa tuluyang matapos ang dinner, his little fantasy was immediately shattered when Sejun made a comment that almost had him choking on his wine.
“You know, dude, I really had fun with you tonight.” Sejun was busy pouring the wine on their glasses.
Napatulala naman si Wonwoo sa narinig. Dude?
“Ah,” he cleared his throat. “Yeah, me, too. You’re very fun to talk to,” tanging nasabi niya. He forced a smile kahit na feeling niya mags-spiral siya anytime now.
That’s it, he thought to himself. Confirmed, 100%. Siya ang problema why none of these set up dates seem to work. Siguro oras na para magtayo siya ng friendship foundation, tutal naghahakot naman siya ng friends at the end of every date.
He didn’t want to take Sejun’s interest—or lack, thereof—badly, though. Maghahanda na lang talaga siya ng panibagong script for his relatives and friends, maybe start looking for nursing homes as early as now para may mapuntahan siya pag tumanda na siya.
It seemed like Sejun was already done with pouring their drinks, kaya umangat na ang tingin nito kay Wonwoo.
“You, too, you know. I can’t help but think na you’d be a good match for my cousin. I think you have so much in common.”
A pause.
It was likely said in passing. No thought, no other motive. Maybe a mere observation for Sejun. He knows the other didn’t mean to offend him.
But it did catch Wonwoo off guard. May pait na umusbong sa dulo ng dila niya.
Wonwoo felt discarded, if that’s the right word. Ni hindi niya ma-describe yung nararamdaman niya, hindi rin siya sigurado kung tama bang ganoon ang ma-feel niya.
Who would like it, anyway? Your date openly pairing you with another person because he thinks you will be compatible. Hindi ba siya compatible enough for his date?
Siguro nabasa ni Sejun ang gulat at offense sa mukha ni Wonwoo, although he didn’t mean to show the other that, because his eyes widened a fraction.
“Oh, god,” he scrambled for words to say. “I’m sorry, Wons. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
He looked apologetic, at least. The bar may be in hell but Wonwoo’s relieved he felt sorry for what he had just told him.
“Uh,” Wonwoo replied, not giving the other another chance to speak. “You didn’t like the dinner?” He did his best to avoid Sejun’s eyes.
The least he wanted to see at the moment is pity. It’s already disaster enough na narinig niya ‘yon tonight, seeing that the other pitied him would be a bigger blow to his confidence. He can only take so much.
He heard Sejun utter a soft curse. “I’m really sorry, Wonwoo, the words are out of my mouth before I could even process.”
Wonwoo plainly nodded.
“I think it’s better for us to go now,” he said instead. “It’s getting late na rin, and it’s the weekend tomorrow, ayoko namang agawan ka ng pahinga,” sinubukan niyang magsingit ng maikling tawa.
Thankfully, tapos na silang mag-bill out when that conversation happened. It would kill him if they stayed longer, baka hindi na kayang sikmurain ng hiya niya.
Sejun kept apologizing until they parted ways.
Para namang may tinik na natanggal sa lalamunan ni Wonwoo nang makaalis na siya sa parking lot. Absentmindedly, he dialed Jeonghan, his friend, because he knew a new voice would be helpful for him tonight.
“Hi!” Jeonghan answered the call cheerfully. “How was the date?”
He told Jeonghan about this date, and like always, he was supportive and was hoping for Wonwoo’s happiness.
Oh, well. Mukhang bokya pa rin after tonight.
“Disaster,” he said simply. “Can I crash at your place?”
He heard some shuffle on the other end. “What?! Wait, okay, sige. Are you okay?” Rinig niya ang urgency sa boses nito.
“Yeah, just don’t wanna be alone tonight.”
“Okay, okay. You’re okay,” It was more to himself that to Wonwoo. “Fuck, were you ditched?!” Tumataas na ang boses ng kaibigan.
“Baliw, hindi. Basta, paliko na ako. Wait for me.”
━━━━
Both Wonwoo and Jeonghan decided that set-up dates for Wonwoo are enough. Over the weekend, Sejun reached out, still asking for apologies. Sinabihan siya ni Wonwoo na okay na yun, not that it was okay hearing it in the middle of their date.
Also over that same weekend, parang tinanggap na lang din ni Wonwoo na dating isn’t really for him.
“If it was for me, you know,” Wonwoo told Seokmin, his cousin, and the younger’s boyfriend, Joshua, when they were over at his condo, “nag-work na kay Seungcheol pa lang, or sa crush ko noong college pa lang.”
Seokmin sighed. “Ayaw mo na ba talaga mag-try ulit? May kilala ako,” sambit nito at halos batukan siya ni Joshua at Wonwoo.
“Hon, that’s crazy. Ayaw na nga raw, mag-ooffer ka pa ng panibagong sakit ng ulo!” Agad na saway ni Joshua sa kasintahan. “Baka susunod niyan, ialok na siya sa tatay ng ka-date niya. Give Wons a break!”
Hindi mapigilang humagalpak ni Wonwoo sa sinabi ni Joshua. Tatay, amputa. Mananahimik na siya habang buhay.
“Grabe naman, hon! Matino ‘to, promise,” Seokmin swore.
Umiling naman si Wonwoo. “Ayoko na talaga, Seok. Kung may darating pa, edi thank you, Lord! Pero kung wala, okay na, at least naman nag-try ako ‘di ba?” His voice was light.
Bahala na mga kamag-anak niyang ipagduldulan sa kaniya na single siya. Nasubukan niya naman, wala lang talaga.
“Eh,” angal ni Seokmin. “Paano ka next reunion? Hindi ka na naman tatantanan ng mga kamag-anak natin.”
Wonwoo laughed at that. “It’s not like bago pa sa akin yung ginagawa nila. Don’t worry about me, Seok. Marami pa akong alalahanin sa trabaho para mag-worry about dying single.”
Seokmin sighed in defeat. Joshua didn’t even try to help him, maybe because he’s certain Wonwoo was firm with what he said.
But of course, hindi nila maiiwasang mag-alala for Wonwoo. Lalo na at ganoon ang last experience niya sa date date na ‘yan, pero they knew better kaysa pangunahan si Wonwoo. He wouldn’t appreciate that.
Wonwoo was grateful to have his cousin and friends off his back after a few months. At least ngayon, relatives niya na lang ang magiging problema niya kapag nagtanong. Not that kailangan niya pang problemahin yung opinyon nila.
That’s what he thought.
Akala niya wala na sa kaniya yung pampe-pressure ng mga kamag-anak niya. Sabi niya nga tanggap niya na, eh.
Kaso come the next reunion, as Seokmin worried about, he was told that among the cousins, siya na lang ang natatanging walang asawa, o kahit boyfriend o girlfriend. Even Minji, their youngest cousin, has a girlfriend already, and she’s only 19.
Awa na lang ni Lord.
Hind na mabilang ni Wonwoo kung nakailang buntong hininga na siya habang nakaupo sa table nilang magpipinsan. Birthday ng Tita Cora nila ngayon, nanay ni Seokmin. To make things worse, kompleto ang buong pamilya nila, at lahat ng pinsan niya ay kasama ang boyfriend o girlfriend nila.
Hindi na rin mabilang ni Wonwoo kung ilang tito at tita na ang nagtanong sa kaniya kung may ie-expect ba silang wedding from him this year.
Taena, Wonwoo thought. Wedding this year, e June na, wala pa rin siya sa talking stage?!
Once again, it was slowly getting to him. Another round of questions pertaining to his love life did it for him. Hindi niya na kinaya so he excused himself and exited the function hall.
Nasa isang hotel sila ngayon to celebrate. He stepped out to the hotel’s garden area para magpahangin. They held the party at dinner time, so malamig na ang simoy ng hangin sa labas by the time he went out.
The garden had a fountain that served as its centerpiece. Unlike the usual fountain designs, the water flows from a water jar, and bricks and flowers surround its entirety, completing its exquisite look. There were small trees scattered along the grassy grounds, with more flowers decorating the rather monochromatic sight.
Despite the darkness of the night, the scenery was breathtaking.
It was comforting for Wonwoo. After three long hours of nonstop chatter and poking on his controversial love life, he finally got a few moments of silence all to himself.
He was away from the echoes of expectations and implications that he was nothing—despite his long list of accomplishments and victories—because the space beside him remained unoccupied. That he’ll only mean something, if he were to fill one’s ring finger, or there was someone to fill his.
Wonwoo used to be secure of himself. He knew that he didn’t need a husband or a wife to be appreciated. But maybe the words were already boring holes onto his brain without him noticing, and it’s already too late for him to catch the damage as it already staked its claim on a portion of his consciousness.
More than Wonwoo liked to admit, it did start affecting him. There was already desperation taking root in his heart; but it stemmed more from responsibility—from the desire to please others, instead of his own yearning for love itself.
It’s like he’s unconsciously shrinking himself to fit the fantasies of his family. Absentmindedly taking a leash and caging himself in their expectations. Because maybe if he were to present a spouse in front of them, he’d finally be free. His achievements would start to mean something, not brushed off and neglected in the absence of a significant other.
Wonwoo was too deep in his thoughts to even hear rushed footsteps entering the garden. He was only pulled out of his reverie when he heard someone clearing his throat.
Still in a daze, he almost assumed the person was there for him, rather than another person seeking quiet.
Nalingunan niya ang isang lalaki sa malayong gilid niya. Saka lang rumehistro sa kaniya na hindi naroon ang lalaki para kausapin siya nang makita niyang inilagay nito ang kaniyang phone sa tenga.
At that, Wonwoo brought back his gaze on the fountain in front of him.
“Hello,” dinig niya ang mababang boses ng lalaki.
He didn’t want to be weird, repeatedly looking at a stranger, so he remained watching the water flow. Gusto niya sanang bumalik sa loob kaso nasa tabi ng lalaki ang pinto papasok.
“Yes, Sejun, ikaw lang ang wala. The elders are looking for you.”
Halos mapalingon na si Wonwoo when he heard a familiar name. Then again, he didn’t want to be weird. Although he acknowledged that eavesdropping was just as weird.
Pinilit niya nang hindi pagtuonan ng pansin ang lalaki. To do that successfully, he pulled out his phone and started playing a game to ease his boredom. He could opt to return to the function hall, but aside from the fact that the man was standing near the doorway, hindi rin siya sigurado kung nasa right headspace na ba siya para makipag-interact ulit sa mga kamag-anak niya.
He succeeded in diverting his attention, because a few minutes later he heard the man walking away. Nakatanggap na rin siya ng text mula kay Seokmin na bumalik na sa loob dahil magsisimula na ang cake cutting for his tita in a few minutes.
Wonwoo treaded the stone path leading outside. His steps unhurried, as he was under the impression that he was alone in the area. Kaya naman halos mapatalon siya nang makitang naroon pa pala yung lalaki, contrary to what he had expected. Mukha namang hindi nagulat yung lalaki sa presensya niya.
Hindi alam ni Wonwoo kung anong pumasok sa utak niya at binati niya yung lalaki, but he did, anyway.
“Oh!” He croaked rather awkwardly. “Good evening…”
Doon na nagulat ang lalaki. He saw it in the other’s eyes, how he didn’t expect Wonwoo to acknowledge his presence.
“Oh… Good evening, Wonwoo.”
Wonwoo was about to turn away when it dawned on him what the other had just said.
Dali-dali niya itong nilingon. It seemed like the man didn’t even notice what he said, dahil may pagtataka pa sa mukha nito nang malingunan siya ni Wonwoo.
“You know me?” Wonwoo asked with his forehead slightly creased from confusion.
Agad namang nanlaki ang mata ng isa. “Ha?”
“You called me by my name. Do we know each other?”
“Ah… well, kilala kita. As for you, I’m not sure if you know me.” Wonwoo wasn’t certain if there was a pink hue on the other man’s cheeks because of the lack of proper lighting from where they stand, but he swore he saw his face change color.
“How do you know me, then?” His voice was calm, avoiding to intimidate the man. Curious lang talaga siya.
The man scratched his neck, be it from embarrassment or awkwardness, Wonwoo wasn’t sure.
“Uh, sa college. We used to share an organization and a minor subject,” the guy quietly explained.
Wonwoo eyed him more intently this time, determined to recall his face or name. But with the long years between the present and their college days, mixed with Wonwoo’s inability to actually remember names of people he’s not fully acquainted with, he did have a hard time doing so.
“Sorry…” awkward niyang sabi after a few seconds. “I’m not good with names.”
Natawa naman ang lalaki. “That’s fair. It’s been a decade at most, anyway. I’m Mingyu Kim,” he said and offered a hand afterwards.
Wonwoo took his hand. “Wonwoo Jeon.”
May ngiti sa labi ni Mingyu nang mag-angat siya ng tingin. “I know. Pleased to finally be your acquaintance.” There was a lilt in his voice. Wonwoo couldn’t decipher whether he was glad or amused.
“How do you remember me still?” Balik ni Wonwoo kay Mingyu. His eyes moved from the latter’s lips (he watched him smirk—or smile, whatever, okay?) to his eyes.
“Well, I’m good with names,” Mingyu answered playfully.
Napairap naman doon si Wonwoo bago siya tuluyang natawa. “Bigay ko na ‘yan sayo, wala akong panlaban diyan,” sagot niya kaya sumabog ang tawanan sa pagitan nilang dalawa.
“But really, aside sa naalala talaga kita from college, I did see you sometimes at work before,” Mingyu added.
“You work in our company?” Gulat na tanong ni Wonwoo.
“No, but our companies work together.”
Wonwoo figured Mingyu works for their partner company. He then asked Mingyu if they ever worked on a single project, to which Mingyu replied not yet, but he’d be pleased if given a chance. Wonwoo said he’s looking forward to that.
Lalalim pa sana ang usapan nila if not for Wonwoo’s phone vibrating for a call.
“Excuse me,” Wonwoo said after seeing Seokmin’s missed calls. “Sorry, my cousin’s already looking for me.”
Tumango naman si Mingyu. “Alright, babalik na rin ako sa loob. Sabay na lang tayo papasok. I’m glad to talk to you,” he said with a gentle smile.
Hindi naman mapigilan ni Wonwoo na mapangiti rin. There was something in Mingyu’s smile that screamed comfort.
They parted ways at the hotel lobby because Wonwoo’s family was at the ground floor, while Mingyu’s was a few floors above.
Nang makabalik si Wonwoo sa function hall, nabungangaan siya ni Seokmin dahil muntik pa siyang hindi umabot sa cake cutting ng tita niya. Wonwoo was too preoccupied thinking about his encounter with Mingyu to actually mind his cousin, though.
All of a sudden, Mingyu was everywhere. Hindi alam ni Wonwoo kung dahil ba ‘yon sa officially kilala niya na si Mingyu kaya napapansin niya na ang presensya nito, or Mingyu was actually just hard to miss. True enough, Mingyu did show up at Wonwoo’s company building for work.
They interact when they’re not almost running in the office hallways catching a meeting or a deadline. Minsan nagkakasabay sila sa elevator, and Mingyu would crack a joke to which Wonwoo would laugh.
“I remember, in college,” Mingyu shared once when they crossed paths at the company’s convenience store.
It was four in the afternoon. Bumaba si Wonwoo to grab a light snack dahil balak niyang mag-overtime. Sakto namang napadaan si Mingyu because he submitted some important documents.
When Mingyu saw Wonwoo by the counter holding a sandwich, dali-dali rin siyang naghanap ng pwedeng kainin para masabayan si Wonwoo. He was free for the rest of the day, anyway. Pwede siyang umalis kapag magta-trabaho na ulit si Wonwoo.
Umangat naman kaagad ang tingin ni Wonwoo sa kausap nang marinig niya ang mga salitang “I remember” dahil ginawa na iyong pang-asar sa kaniya ni Mingyu, following his ‘inability to remember names’.
“O,” natatawang depensa kaagad ni Mingyu. “Wala pa akong sinasabi, nakairap na agad ‘yang magagandang mata mo.”
“Ewan ko sayo,” Wonwoo pretended to be annoyed, but the smile blooming in his lips gave his real feelings away.
“Ano ba ‘yang naalala mo from college, sir?” He mocked.
“Like I told you, we used to share a gen ed class. Alam mo kung anong klase ‘yon?” Mingyu was so passionate about whatever he was talking about that Wonwoo couldn’t help but engage in the conversation.
“Ano?”
“Ibang klase.” And Mingyu burst out laughing like he just came up with the most hilarious thing in the world.
Kahit halos maluha na si Wonwoo kakatawa ay nagawa niya pa ring irapan ito. “In fairness, feeling bagets din mga banat mo, ‘no,” nakaya niya pang sabihin right before he joined Mingyu in a series of laughter.
━━━━
Wonwoo felt light in Mingyu’s presence. It’s like having a friend he reconnected with after long years of no contact. He’d like to think he and Mingyu are very much alike; but if he sat and reflected on their dynamics, he’d realize that it’s more about them complementing each other rather than them being two sides of the same coin.
He’s not witty like Mingyu, pero marunong siyang tumanggap at magbalik ng mga biro nito. Mingyu liked a perfect balance between work and personal life, while Wonwoo didn’t mind mixing the two. Both of them were glad to share their free time, anyways.
It was in simple ways that Wonwoo didn’t initially realize.
They were seated in a coffee shop just below Wonwoo’s company. Like usual, nandoon ulit si Mingyu because of work. He had a meeting with Wonwoo’s workmates for a project they’re currently working on. Kakatapos lang ng meeting na iyon, and Mingyu happened to bump into Wonwoo (he always managed to find Wonwoo inside that 19-floored building, surprisingly).
“Hi, Jeon!” Wonwoo suddenly heard Mingyu’s voice as he was walking towards the pantry for his afternoon coffee.
Nilingon niya ang nakababata. Mingyu was wearing formal attire, which gave him the impression that the latter was here for a business meeting.
“You’re here again,” puna niya.
“Yeah, katatapos lang ng meeting. You off somewhere?” Umiling si Wonwoo bilang sagot.
“Wala naman, magkakape lang sana sa pantry.”
Parang nagliwanag naman ang mata ni Mingyu sa narinig. “Can I join you?”
Napakunot naman ang noo ni Wonwoo bago siya natawa. “Sa pantry?”
“Hindi, sa baba sana. If you don’t mind.”
Wonwoo had to accept the offer of course.
“Do you have a girlfriend?” Biglaang tanong ni Wonwoo.
Nasaktuhan niya pa talagang umiinom si Mingyu ng kape, kaya muntik pa itong masamid. Agad niya namang inabutan ng tissue ang nakababata nang makita ang estado nito.
“Sorry,” he said when Mingyu accepted the napkin. “Na-curious lang bigla. Ang chismoso pala.”
Natawa naman si Mingyu. “I didn’t think you’d be someone who uses the word chismoso to describe himself, Jeon.”
Napangisi doon si Wonwoo. As much as people consider him stoic or intimidating, Wonwoo believed that he’s just as silly as his cousins, or just as reckless as his friends. He loved the little chaos they bring into his life, and he knew that he brought a little of that in their lives as well.
“I did hear I’m full of surprises,” pilyong sagot ni Wonwoo.
Kita ang pamamangha sa mga mata ni Mingyu. He did see Wonwoo as someone too… calm. ‘Yan ang impression niya kay Wonwoo mula pa man noong nakakasama niya ito sa org (that, apparently, Wonwoo has no recollection of). He knew the older wasn’t boring, considering how loud and playful his circle of friends was. Wala lang talaga siyang pribilehiyo para masaksihan ‘yon.
So to be the subject of Wonwoo’s pagiging chismoso after years, he can’t help but be in awe. He knew Wonwoo was capable of grinning this wide, of laughing so hard his eyes turned into small crescents and his head thrown back. He was just granted the privilege of witnessing it first hand now.
And Mingyu wanted nothing but to keep that happy face.
“To answer your question, no. Wala. Single ako.” He made an effort to answer Wonwoo’s question kahit na d-in-ismiss na rin ito ng nakatatanda.
Wonwoo was surprised that Mingyu even entertained that question.
“Sorry… I hate hearing that question for myself and yet bigla kong ibinato sayo.”
Mingyu shook his head at that. “It’s no matter, don’t worry. Bakit mo pala natanong, if you’re comfortable to share?”
Bumuntong-hininga si Wonwoo. Siya naman ang nag-open ng topic na ‘to, the least he could do is answer Mingyu’s question.
But there must have been hesitation in Wonwoo’s face that Mingyu immediately noticed, because he spoke once again before Wonwoo could open his mouth.
“Only if you’re comfortable, Jeon. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t feel like it.”
It was Wonwoo’s turn to shake his head. “Hindi, ako nag-open ng topic tapos ako yung iiwas—”
“And it’s fine.”
“It’s not.” The words of refusal came out rather softly. “Well, since hindi naman kita napigilan kanina and you still answered the stupid question, I’ll answer yours, too.”
“My stupid question?” Mingyu asked with a grin.
“Loko. Yung tanong mo lang. Well, sa aming magpipinsan, literal na lahat sila, mula sa pinakabata hanggang sa pinakamatanda—they have their right ones already. Obviously, excluding me. So…” Wonwoo took a deep breath before continuing. “The elders cannot help but pressure me into getting married.”
Mingyu was listening intently. At one point, akala ni Wonwoo ay tatawa ito, but he didn’t. He listened like Wonwoo was telling him something profound and not merely oversharing about his life shackles.
“And the pressure got to me somehow. I tried two set-up dates, you know,” natawa na lang si Wonwoo as he recalled.
Both dates were a few months ago already. Minsan hindi niya maiwasang mag-cringe upon the realization na it was a move of desperation, not a genuine decision to connect. No wonder both ended badly.
“Pointing out the obvious, walang nag-work, and, I’m still single. At hindi pa rin ako tinatantanan ng mga kamag-anak ko.”
Wonwoo found that fact hilarious.
“So I couldn’t help but wonder if… pamilya ko lang ba yung ganon, o relatable naman ‘tong dilemma ko for other people,” dugtong ni Wonwoo. “Not that you have to tell me about it! I was just wondering, please lang, ‘wag mo na sagutin.”
Natawa naman si Mingyu dahil doon. “Grabe, defensive naman,” pang-aasar niya pa.
“Eh, hindi ka kasi mapigilan kahit sabi kong ‘wag na sagutin!”
“That means I’m willing to share that with you, ‘di ba?”
“Ewan ko sayo. Basta! Don’t answer!”
“Okay, fine.”
“Good.”
Wonwoo almost thought Mingyu completely gave up after that. But of course, he really just had to respond to that stupid, stupid question.
Hay, Mingyu Kim.
“To tell you honestly, wala naman silang comment about it—”
“Ano ba!” Wonwoo even attempted covering his ears just to prove a point.
Tumatawa namang ibinaba ni Mingyu ang kamay ni Wonwoo.
“Makinig ka!”
“Ayoko! Blablablablabla,” parang batang usal ni Wonwoo.
In the end, Wonwoo still listened to Mingyu’s response.
Nalaman niyang hindi pinipilit si Mingyu sa love life niya because he had his heart broken once, and his parents were scared he would have to undergo the same pain if he were to love again.
Wonwoo understood that. Maybe that was what he lacked. Wala siyang past experience na pwedeng pagbasehan ng pamilya niya para tigilan siya. Not that he complains. Ayaw niya namang masaktan just for the sake na tigilan siya ng kamag-anak niya.
He’s more than fine here, with whatever he has right now.
Wonwoo decided to stay in for his day off. Naplano niya na nang maayos yung magiging takbo ng araw niya. He’d wake up at 9 in the morning, clean his condo until 10:30, cook a nice meal for brunch and binge watch Hunger Games for the rest of the afternoon, play games after dinner, and drop back in bed around 11 in the evening.
Ramdam niya na yung kapayapaan, e. Nasimulan niya na yung araw niya at nasusunod pa naman yung schedule niya na in-arrange niya in his head. He was halfway through decluttering his clothes and shoes when he received a call from Jeonghan.
“Wons!” It was that agitating voice, like usual. “Condo ka?”
Maybe Mingyu was finally rubbing off on him that instead of replying like a normal person—like the pre-Mingyu Wonwoo would do—he deadpanned, “Tao pa naman.”
Narinig niya naman ang ilang ubo mula kay Jeonghan dahil doon.
“Tangina, sino ‘to?” Despite the vigor, Wonwoo recognized the smile in Jeonghan’s voice even without physically seeing him.
“Ako pa rin naman,” natatawang sagot ni Wonwoo. “Bakit mo pala natanong?”
He put the phone on loud speaker para makatuloy siya sa ginagawa. He knew that if he stopped arranging his clothes now, maiiwan lang itong nakatambak kasi tatamarin na siyang ayusin ito.
“Ah, hinahanap ka ni Joshua at ng jowa niya sa akin. Sabi ko, malay ko ba, landlord ba ako no’n?!”
There’s something in the way Jeonghan tells a story a little exaggeratedly that never fails to put a smile on Wonwoo’s voice. He’s indeed the storm to his calm, kaya siguro hindi na sila nagkahiwalay ever since they met in high school.
“Kamo ‘wag silang magpakita sa akin ngayon, busy ako,” biro ni Wonwoo. His response came out slower than usual because he was preoccupied with sorting his clothes from frequently used to never been used.
Dinig niya naman ang buntong-hininga ng kausap nang matapos siyang magsalita.
“Isa ka pa, messenger ba ako?!” Jeonghan replied sarcastically.
“Aba,” hindi mapigilang pagpatol ni Wonwoo. He even fixed his posture, a hand landing on his hip, na para bang nakikita siya ni Jeonghan ngayon. “Ano pang sense ng pagtawag mo kung hindi ka naman pala pwedeng utusan?”
Lalong humagalpak si Jeonghan from the other end. “May iba sayo ngayon, baks, ha. Malalaman ko rin ‘yan soon.”
Wonwoo didn’t quite understand that. He didn’t mind anyway. Nagpatuloy lang siya sa ginagawa hanggang sa matapos niya na ito.
And just as Jeonghan warned, dumating sa condo niya si Joshua at Seokmin.
It was fifteen minutes past 2 in the afternoon when a knock resounded on his door. Kasalukuyang nasa second movie na si Wonwoo ng pinapanood, nang mapalitan ng ingay ng bibig ng magkasintahan ang boses ni Peeta at Katniss.
Na para bang sila yung bida, Wonwoo rolled his eyes playfully.
“Anong ginagawa niyo rito?” Diretsong tanong niya nang pagbuksan ang dalawa.
Inangat naman ni Joshua ang hawak na plastic bag na mukhang naglalaman ng Jollibee at ilan pang chichirya.
“Makikinood!” Seokmin answered enthusiastically.
“Wala bang Netflix sa inyo?” Pang-aasar ni Wonwoo.
Madrama namang umalma ang pinsan niya. “Alam mo, pasama nang pasama ‘yang ugali mo.”
True enough, the couple was really there to watch with him. Or maybe they had a hidden agenda, Wonwoo hadn’t found out yet.
Turns out Wonwoo didn’t have to wait long. Because 30 minutes into the third movie, tuluyan nang sumabog ang pagtitimpi ni Seokmin.
“Alam mo, may chismis na umabot sa akin,” he tried to say nonchalantly, acting like the Chickenjoy he’s holding was more important than what he was saying.
Nilingon naman ni Wonwoo ang dalawa sa kanan niya. Hindi kasi siya sigurado kung siya ba yung kausap o may sariling usapan ang dalawa.
But Joshua remained focused on the television, so Wonwoo took that as a sign that Seokmin was indeed talking to him.
At napanganga na siya sa sumunod na sinabi ng nakababata. “May boyfriend ka?”
Wonwoo heard Joshua fake a gasp. Doon niya na-realize na magkakuntsaba ang dalawa. “Talaga, Wons?” Kunwaring gulat pa talaga siya.
“Wala, sino namang nagsabi sayo?”
Seokmin shrugged. “Kita raw kayo madalas magkasama sa company mo. Gwapong matangkad daw, e. Sino ‘yan, ha?”
If Wonwoo was a little slower, he wouldn’t have caught who Seokmin was pertaining to.
“Ah, si Mingyu? Hindi ko boyfriend, baliw. Nakakausap ko lang.” Halos walang pakialam na sagot ni Wonwoo. There’s really nothing grand about that fact, anyway. Talagang nagkakausap lang sila.
“Nagkakausap?” Parang parrot na ulit ni Joshua. “Paano?”
Kumunot naman ang noo ni Wonwoo sa narinig. “Anong paano? Paano ka ba makipag-usap?”
Binatukan naman siya ni Joshua dahil sa sagot niya. “Loka! I meant paanong usap? Talking stage ba, ganon?”
“Talking stage ka diyan, trentahin ka na, hoy,” pambabasag ulit ni Wonwoo.
Inirapan siya ni Joshua. “Alam mo, wala kang kwenta kausap.”
Wonwoo felt victorious at that. Tawang-tawa siya sa successful niyang pambu-bwiset sa dalawa. Minsan masaya rin talagang makapang-inis, para naman nag-iiba yung role niya kahit papaano.
“Chismis pa kayo, ah. Sirain niyo pa day-off ko,” dagdag pang-iinis niya pa.
That earned him a tissue landing square on his face.
━━━━
With their weekly interactions, Wonwoo considered Mingyu his friend already. Nae-enjoy niya ang presensya ni Mingyu. Lalo na dahil nga alam nito kung paano iba-balance out si Wonwoo. Conversations are always easy with the guy. He’s so grateful to have that.
And when Wonwoo thought he was finally past the pressure of being unmarried, another news of a friend’s engagement felt like a slap on his face. Parang ginising ulit siya sa reyalidad na unaccomplished pa rin siya sa mata ng iba.
Napapagod na si Wonwoo sa mga naiisip niya, honestly. Pwede naman kasing fuck it and move on, it’s easier that way. Bakit ba kailangan niyang i-big deal?
But then again, the cut was already so deep that he cannot easily neglect the lingering burden of something he is yet to accomplish.
Compared to the last time Mingyu saw him where he could still laugh about his reality, the weight was more evident the next time they met.
Wonwoo was adamant on clearing his head, and his idea involved something physically tiring but still manageable for him to go to work the next day. With that, he wanted to try archery for the first time. May nahanap siya sa Internet na isang archery place around Makati.
He was insistent on going alone at first, ni hindi niya nga inaya si Jeonghan o si Seokmin, e.
And that’s what he did. He spent a good two hours inside the archery room. His aims were either good or lacking; halos lutang nga lang siyang naglalaro, and he didn’t mind because he did feel a lot better by the time he finished.
Nang matapos siya sa archery, naghanap siya ng ibang pwedeng gawin bago umuwi. That’s when he realized that Mingyu once told him he resides in Makati. Kaya bago pa siya tuluyang makahanap ng pwedeng mapuntahan, nag-message siya kay Mingyu kung gusto ba nitong kitain siya.
Sakto namang nagbabalak si Mingyu na mag-jogging sa Legazpi nang mabasa nito ang message ni Wonwoo. He asked Wonwoo if he wanted to join him rather, and Wonwoo accepted the invite without a second thought.
Tamang-tama rin naman dahil may workout clothes siyang itinatabi sa loob ng kotse niya. When he finally met Mingyu, agad naman silang nag-warm up at nagpatuloy sa planong jogging.
Wonwoo knew Mingyu was physically active, so in-expect niya nang mag-aaya ito ng more than 5 km run. And he was right, but the younger did ask him if he could do 8 km, especially since he had work the next day.
“How are you feeling?” Mingyu suddenly inquired when they were doing their warmup.
Wonwoo smiled at that. “Better than… last night, I’d say.”
Nilingon naman siya ni Mingyu dahil sa sagot niya. “Something wrong?”
“Wala naman,” iling ni Wonwoo.
The truth is, Wonwoo felt like shit throughout the night. Jaehyun, the batchmate he had in high school, just proposed to his long-time girlfriend. When he saw that announcement, he felt genuinely happy for his friend, kahit na hindi naman sila regularly nagkakamustahan.
It was fine. Given their age, normal na yung may nae-engage, may kinakasal, may nanganganak. It’s been that way since they reached 25.
However, last night, Wonwoo’s dad gave him a call. Wonwoo expected it to be about his work, or his cousins, anything. Ganoon naman palagi ang usapan nila ng mga magulang niya tuwing napapatawag ang mga ito.
But he had a different motive with that call. Nagkamustahan muna sila, so Wonwoo didn’t suspect a sudden turn in their talk.
“Wonwoo,” his father called him after a while. “I heard that Jaehyun is engaged.”
Tumango si Wonwoo. “Yes, dad.”
“I’ll stop beating around the bush, son, but I’m not getting any younger. Your brother is already a dad. Ikaw, anak?”
He knew his father meant well. Kailanman, hindi nakisali ang mga magulang niya sa mga komento ng kamag-anak nila. If anything, they were the first ones to defend him when it came to personal comments like that.
So to hear the same words from his own father, Wonwoo felt as if he was submerged into cold water. A wakeup call.
“I’m sorry, anak. I know pagod na pagod ka nang makarinig ng ganito. Proud ako sayo palagi, ha? Hindi ka kulang dahil lang hindi ka pa nag-aasawa. Pero gusto ko lang din makitang masaya ka…” his ever loving father, as he thought, meant well.
But… he is happy. He is content. Alam niya ‘yon, sigurado siya sa katotohanang ‘yon. Before the pressure got to his head, that is.
Wonwoo’s voice broke as he replied, “I am happy, dad. I was happy.”
Hindi alam ni Wonwoo kung wala na ba siyang kakayahang magpigil, o may kung ano lang talaga kay Mingyu na kaya niyang mag-open up without the shame.
“How would you feel kung bigla kang i-pressure ng parents mo into getting married?” Tanong niya kay Mingyu.
Nakadalawang laps na sila around the park. Hinuha ni Wonwoo ay around 8 pm na.
Natigilan naman si Mingyu sa tanong na iyon. He wanted to ask if Wonwoo was okay, but he knew the other would just say yes and stop the conversation right away, kaya mas pinili niyang i-indulge muna ang tanong nito.
“Maiinis siguro. Or magtataka.”
“Why?” Wonwoo was focused on jogging but Mingyu knew he was genuinely curious with his answer.
Nagkibit-balikat si Mingyu. “I don’t know. Kasi bakit biglaan?”
Wonwoo nodded at that, almost resigned. Mingyu thought he wanted to drop the topic, kaya lang nagsalita ito ulit.
“Do you think my relatives are forcing me to marry because they think I’m lonely being alone?”
Hindi pa rin nililingon ni Wonwoo ang kausap. Napaisip naman si Mingyu roon.
In his eyes, Wonwoo wasn’t unhappy. Confused—a little lost—maybe. But he was content. He found joy in simple things, like how a good cup of coffee was enough to brighten up his day. He found peace in his daily job, knowing that it was everything he wanted ever since.
Pinaghirapan ni Wonwoo ang buhay at kapayapaan na meron siya, that much he knew. Mingyu wasn’t there to witness everything, but he knew it cost Wonwoo a long series of sleepless nights and self-doubt before he became fully comfortable and proud of what he has.
Kasi kung hindi gusto ni Wonwoo ang reyalidad niya, matagal na siyang umalis. He wasn’t the kind to stay in a place that hinders his growth. He was self-sufficient. He was grounded.
But the hesitation in Wonwoo’s voice when he asked that question scared Mingyu to an extent.
It was out of place.
And so he asked.
“Are you? Unhappy?”
Wonwoo’s pace was reduced into slow steps. Mingyu matched his speed until they both completely stopped walking.
Nasa gitna sila ng parke ngayon. May kaunting liwanag mula sa lamppost. They were both covered in sweat from running, rather an unideal state to be having a conversation this serious.
They did so, anyway.
Iginiya ni Mingyu si Wonwoo papunta sa isang bench.
He waited for Wonwoo to settle and to be ready to answer his question.
“I’m not. Well, I used to think that,” pag-amin ni Wonwoo.
“Eh, ngayon?”
“I don’t know.” Mingyu could almost hear defeat in his voice.
“Alam mo, tumawag si Dad kagabi. Yun yung sabi niya sa akin. He wanted to see me happy. So I wondered. Was I unhappy? Baka kasi naging accustomed na lang ako sa ganitong feeling that I mistook loneliness for peace.”
Mingyu finally saw it. It was doubt that held Wonwoo back.
“You are self-sufficient, Wonwoo. You know what you like, and you’ll go for it when the circumstances are right. If you felt happy in the absence of romantic love, that’s because you loved yourself more than enough that you didn’t seek for anything else. And that’s something so admirable.”
Mingyu wanted him to see how great he was. He wanted Wonwoo to remember who he is. Dahil alam niyang yung batchmate na nakilala niya back in college, he would look up to the Wonwoo of the present.
He believed that Wonwoo always had it in him, he had the guts to reach beyond the stars and to seek contentment in places that are not ideal for many. Wonwoo always knew what he wanted.
And if Wonwoo finally dreamed of settling down, he wished that it would not be tangled with the weight of expectations. Wonwoo deserved to experience love that didn’t come with rules or anticipation.
He wished that Wonwoo would choose love because he wanted it for himself, not because he was coerced into doing just that.
It was everything that he deserved. And Mingyu was courageous enough to tell him that.
Wonwoo couldn’t help but cry. Because when did Mingyu see him? How did he know where to look when Wonwoo himself failed to do that?
━━━━
Wonwoo felt freer.
Pakiramdam niya na-rediscover niya kung paano maging masaya. Kung paano ulit maging kontento.
Kung paano maging siya, bilang siya.
━━━━
“You good?” Tanong ni Mingyu habang naghihintay sila ng kanilang order. They decided to visit the newly opened all-day breakfast restaurant near Wonwoo’s condo.
They were seated at the far left of the place. Siguro nasa apat na tables lang ang okupado ngayon, kasama yung kanila.
Bumuntong hininga si Wonwoo bago nag-angat ng tingin kay Mingyu.
“Gusto ko nang magpakasal.”
Thank God. Thank God, Mingyu wasn’t drinking anything. Because he was so certain that had a drink been in his mouth, he would’ve choked, or worse, spat the drink directly on Wonwoo’s face.
“Ha?” He was dumbfounded, to say the least.
That’s certainly not something he expected to hear from Wonwoo today. He knew well about the pressure Wonwoo was feeling, he knew that Wonwoo was currently working on it, although hindi siya sigurado how he was holding up. He didn’t want to intrude. He’d only take what Wonwoo offered him, especially when it came to the man’s sensitivity. Kaya nabigla siyang marinig ito directly from him.
Tila natauhan naman si Wonwoo roon. “Ha?” Balik nito sa kaniya.
“Gusto mo na ikasal?” Pag-uulit niya.
Parang naguluhan pa si Wonwoo sa sinasabi niya. “Huh?”
“Sabi mo, gusto mo na ikasal when I asked you if okay ka lang.”
“What?” Agad na kumalat ang init sa pisngi ni Wonwoo. Ramdam niya pa ngang bumaba ito hanggang sa leeg niya, eh.
“Okay ka lang ba?” Mingyu inquired once more.
Mabagal ang naging pagtango ni Wonwoo this time, tila hindi pa nakaka-recover sa nasabi niya.
“Sorry. Oo, ayos lang.” Wonwoo busied himself with the table napkin in front of him.
“So… you wanna get married already, huh?” A smile on Mingyu’s lips.
“Don’t tease! Nahihiya na nga yung tao,” may simangot na sagot ni Wonwoo.
Tinitigan niyang maigi ang mukha ni Mingyu. The man looked… breathtaking well-groomed today. Hindi sa hindi maayos ang porma niya noon. Mayroon lang talagang nagsta-standout sa kaniya ngayon, at hindi ma-pinpoint ni Wonwoo kung ano ‘yon.
“I’m not teasing.”
Wonwoo swore he didn’t lack the awareness that Mingyu is a fine, fine man. He knew that mula pa noong unang interaction nila noong birthday ng Tita Cora niya. Hindi rin naman siya madamot sa papuri kay Mingyu. He usually compliments him, lalo na kapag pormal na pormal ang get-up nito.
But he just looked different this morning. A good kind of difference. It’s like Mingyu was radiating.
Or it was the lack of sleep. Busy kasi siya ngayon. He’s been working on a project for a few weeks now and it’s demanding a huge portion of his time.
Wonwoo mentally consoled himself. That was practically it, he swore.
“So…” nakuha muli ni Mingyu ang atensyon niya. “Wedding?”
“Akala ko ba you’re not teasing?” Hindi mapigilan ni Wonwoo ang pag-irap.
“Hindi nga! I just wanted to know bakit mo nasabi bigla.”
“Wala! Hindi ko alam.”
Naputol lang ang bangayan nila nang dumating ang kani-kaniyang order. Mingyu had bangsilog while Wonwoo had his usual tapsilog. Of course, they couldn’t miss the hot coffee.
“Orders complete, Sirs!” Magalang na sabi ng waiter bago siya bumalik sa kitchen.
Inayos muna ni Wonwoo ang kaniyang pagkain, habang si Mingyu naman ay naghalo ng suka para sa sawsawan nilang dalawa. Once settled, agad ding bumalik ang kapilyuhan sa mukha ni Mingyu.
“Ano?” He pressed on.
“Wala nga,” wari’y nauubos ang pasensya ni Wonwoo.
Mingyu knew him better now, though.
“What are you thinking?”
“Nothing.”
“Promise?”
And like Wonwoo had enough for real this time, he put down his utensils and stared at Mingyu’s eyes. Nilabanan naman iyon ni Mingyu. He’s not one to back down.
That was until Wonwoo caught him off guard for the second time around today.
“Pakasal tayo.”
Ha?
Huh?
Mingyu’s mouth dropped open, probably from shock. Then he closed it again. And opened again, to attempt speaking.
But a low “Ha?” was all he could manage to say.
Wonwoo didn’t retract, though. His eyes remained serious, like he never knew how to joke his entire life.
Hindi na alam ni Mingyu kung nabibingi na ba siya, natatanga, o nagdedeliryo. Or maybe everything all at once.
Because what the fuck did he just hear?
Wonwoo grew conscious by the minute, more so because Mingyu kept staring at him like he had grown two heads.
The silence stretched into minutes. Until Wonwoo couldn’t bear it anymore.
“Sorry. I’ll go home now,” he said, clearly embarrassed. Agaran siyang tumayo, never minding that his food remained untouched.
Pero Mingyu being Mingyu, of course he didn’t let him go easily. Lalo na pagkatapos ng sinabi nito sa kaniya? Wonwoo’s definitely not going anywhere today.
“Balik ka rito,” he whispered. Like his hold on the older’s arm, his words were equally soft and firm. As if emphasizing that he really wouldn’t let Wonwoo leave.
“What are you talking about?” Nag-expect si Wonwoo ng inis, o galit, o kahit anong negatibo mula kay Mingyu.
Because who in their right minds would say that casually? At galing pa talaga sa kaniyang may baggage? Ni hindi niya nga alam kung interesado ba si Mingyu sa kaniya, o siya mismo kay Mingyu.
He must be really out of his mind. Maybe he has been for a long time now.
“Kasal. Ikaw at ako. Gusto mo?” He spat the words almost flatly.
“Ikaw,” balik ni Mingyu. “Gusto mo ba?”
Halos malaglag ang panga ni Wonwoo sa narinig. Where’s the denial? The rejection? Was Mingyu equally crazy?
“Why are you asking me?”
“Why are you asking me is the right question, Jeon.”
He knew that Mingyu was actually serious about having this conversation. Dahil doon, bumalik na siya sa pagkakaupo sa harap ni Mingyu. Okay na sana ‘yon.
But Mingyu just had to move his chair across the table to settle beside him. He must’ve lost his mind as well, he thought as he watched Mingyu move his plate.
“Can’t have this conversation while away from you,” simpleng paliwanag ni Mingyu nang maramdamang pinapanood siya ni Wonwoo.
Wonwoo almost scoffed. They were barely a meter apart, anong away pinagsasabi nito?
Nang makalipat na siya nang tuluyan, umupo na siya sa tabi ni Wonwoo at nilingon ito.
“Do you know what you’re asking me?” B-in-ring up ulit ni Mingyu ang usapin.
Wonwoo nodded curtly for a moment. Then shook his head after a while.
“Sorry,” napakamot na siya sa ulo niya. Ano ba naman kasing pinagsasabi niya?! “Lagi ka na lang nadadamay sa sudden outbursts ko.”
“That’s not what I asked, Wonwoo.” Tinitigan siyang mabuti ni Mingyu.
By now, alam na ni Wonwoo na alam ni Mingyu na iniiwasan niya lang yung usapan.
“Uh, oo naman, of course I know what I’m saying,” nag-iwas siya ng tingin sa katabi. Ang diin kasi ng titig ni Mingyu sa kaniya, pakiramdam niya hindi siya makakahinga kung tatagal pa siya sa tinginan nila.
“Why me?”
“Because…”
“It always felt like we were shaped to complement each other. Do you get that feeling, too?” Wonwoo’s voice shook while he whispered his words. “It’s like… you’re here not as an answer to my questions, nor a solution to my problem—but a realization.”
They’re nowhere near lovers, they both were well aware of that, but that question from Wonwoo shifted how they saw things. He was a friend. He is a friend. But is he, really?
“A realization?” Now Mingyu’s own shook as well. His heart suddenly felt heavy in a good way.
“An awakening. You came into my life not to complete me, or to fill the missing pieces; you didn’t fill the void—because there is none to begin with.”
“Lagi kong sinasabi sayo na I feel lacking despite the things that made me who I am today. But, everything I thought I lacked turned out to be mine all along. They have always been mine to begin with. I just didn’t know where to look. And you taught me. Your presence made the parts of me that I didn’t know existed known.”
Wonwoo said everything clearly, not a drop of hesitance traceable in his voice. It was raw, something that would’ve scared away others. But it was so, so breathtakingly beautiful that Mingyu was drawn.
He felt as though he lost the capability to speak. How could someone bare himself in front of him? He never saw himself worthy enough to get a hold of Wonwoo’s vulnerability.
Yet here he was, unhesitating, trusting, and very much beautiful. Wonwoo considered him worthy enough to let down his guard. One that he spent long, careful years building.
Mingyu couldn’t help but drown.
He never would want to get out.
When he finally had enough courage to face Wonwoo, he immediately wrapped the other in a warm embrace.
“You have an excellent capability of taking my breath away, are you aware of that?” He whispered.
Wonwoo chuckled at that. “Sa haba ng sinabi ko, ‘yan ang sagot mo?”
“Let’s get married.”
━━━━
Mingyu and Wonwoo knew better than to rush. The decisions they made repeatedly throughout the years taught them just that.
So despite the sudden proposal—that, mind you, transpired when they weren’t even a couple—hindi sila agad magpapakasal.
“It would be out of character, anyway. That’s not us,” Wonwoo told Mingyu when they sat down and talked about it.
Napagkasunduan nilang it would be better if Wonwoo learned how to navigate love without crumbling down—without the fear of fucking things up and constant urge to please everyone else first before taking things to another level.
“I want this love to be ours, Wonwoo.” Mingyu said. “Not theirs to control nor theirs to spectate. I want all of this ours and ours alone. We’ll have it your way. Sa atin ‘to, you hear me?”
In between his sobs, Wonwoo pulled Mingyu in a hug.
It was the first time they dared to call it love. Kahit na tinanggap nilang ikakasal sila sometime in the future, they were both holding back the first few weeks. Uncertain of whether to call it a relationship or not. Because they were friends first, and suddenly marriage was in between their talks? Kakaiba rin talaga sila gumalaw.
Mingyu knew Wonwoo was hesitant, not because he wanted to back out, but because he didn’t know when would be the right time to step forward. So he gave him that cue.
They were three months into their relationship when Wonwoo told Jeonghan. Five when the news reached Joshua and Seokmin. Both times, inulan ng mura at yakap si Wonwoo.
“See! I told you, may kakaiba sayo before!” Puna ni Jeonghan when Wonwoo invited him over to his condo to finally tell him about Mingyu.
Gusto sana ni Wonwoo na sa mas pormal na lugar gawin ‘yon, after all Mingyu would be the first man he introduced to his loved ones. But Mingyu knew that given their personalities, mas magiging malaya ang magkaibigan kung sa condo ni Wonwoo gaganapin ang dinner.
And of course Mingyu just had to be right. Dahil pagkakita pa lang ni Jeonghan na may kasama si Wonwoo sa loob ng unit nito, nagtatalon na ito na para bang nanalo sa lotto.
“What the hell, Wonwoo Jeon! Kailan pa ‘to? Saan nangyari? Paano? Bakit hindi ko nalaman kaagad?!” Jeonghan’s words spilled nonstop.
Ni hindi pa nga nakakapagsalita si Wonwoo ay may conclusion na ito. Hinayaan na lang siya ni Wonwoo, though.
Jeonghan was elated, to say the least. Hindi dahil finally, masaya na ang best friend niya, kundi dahil “Kaya naman pala natagalan ka, Wons. Medyo rare find yung tipo mo,” to which the couple responded with a fit of laughter.
Joshua and Seokmin’s reaction was no better. Halos magwala rin si Seokmin sa tuwa nang malaman ito.
“Kaya pala sumasama na ugali mo sa amin, ha!” Tawang-tawang pang-aasar ni Joshua.
“Matagal nang ganiyan ugali ko, Shu. Bakit ba nagugulat ka pa?” Balik ni Wonwoo.
When Seokmin had a chance to talk to Wonwoo alone, hindi niya maiwasang maluha at yakapin ang pinsan niya.
“I’m so happy, Won.”
Wonwoo returned his hug. “I’m so happy, too.”
Jeonghan, Seokmin, and Joshua were the people who saw him drown and try to save himself. They trusted that he’d manage to make it out, not unscathed but definitely wiser from the scars.
Wonwoo was content. He knew his place, he knew his worth, and as a bonus, he knew he had someone to come home to.
Na sa oras na masilaw siya sa liwanag ng reyalidad, may taong handang akayin siya hindi para salbahin, kundi para alalayan siya hanggang sa kaya niya na ulit tumayo nang mag-isa.
━━━━
It was the weekend, and Wonwoo was at Mingyu’s place. Wala silang maisip gawin kaya nag-play na lang si Mingyu ng random movie sa TV habang nakahilata silang dalawa ni Wonwoo sa sofa.
Gusto sana ni Mingyu na maglaro sila ng board games pero sabi ni Wonwoo ay ayaw niyang natatalo ang boyfriend niya kaya ‘wag na raw (siya talaga yung mabilis matalo, Mingyu knew that but he indulged him, anyway).
Nagso-scroll silang dalawa ngayon sa Facebook account ni Mingyu matapos nilang manawa sa short Cdrama clips sa Tiktok ni Wonwoo.
“Ang cute-cute ng pamangkin mo, mahal,” komento ni Wonwoo nang makita nila ang post ng pinsan ni Mingyu.
“‘Di ba? Such an endearing baby. Gusto mo gawa na rin tayo?” Biglang hirit ni Mingyu kaya nakurot siya ng isa.
“Ulol.” Tanging nasabi ni Wonwoo kaya hindi naman naiwasan ng nakababata na humagalpak sa tawa.
“‘Wag kang malikot!” Saway ni Wonwoo. “Kitang nakasandal ako sayo tapos tawa ka nang tawa diyan. Nakakaliyo ka.”
“Sus, gusto mo naman diyan sa pwesto mo.” Bawi ni Mingyu. Nakahilig kasi si Wonwoo sa kaniya ngayon, magkapatong ang mga hita nila habang nakayakap naman ang isang braso ni Wonwoo sa tiyan ni Mingyu.
Paminsan ay nararamdaman ni Mingyu na tumutusok sa leeg niya ang buhok ni Wonwoo, but he didn’t mind, anyway. Dito naman ang karapat-dapat na pwesto niya kaya walang problema.
“Bakit? Ikaw ba ayaw mo?” Nakataas ang kilay ni Wonwoo nang mag-angat siya ng tingin.
Hinawi naman ni Mingyu ang buhok na humaharang sa mata ng boyfriend niya. “Gusto. Pinanganak lang ako para dito, ano ka ba.”
“Baliw.”
“Mahal mo.”
“Yes… Unfortunately.”
“Bad ka!”
“Nyenyenye.”
“Iki-kiss kita, makikita mo.”
“Kiss m—”
“Kiss ba ‘yon?”
“Oo, kulang pa nga ‘yon!”
“Mama mo!”
“Magiging mama mo na rin.”
Punong-puno ng asaran at tawanan ang living room ni Mingyu. He couldn’t help but look back. Hindi niya alam paano niya kinayang mamuhay rito ng ilang taon na wala ang ganitong ingay.
He couldn’t recall what life used to be like before Wonwoo happened. He’s so lucky he never has to live that reality anymore.
Mula ngayon, may Wonwoo na siya palagi.
“How are you related to Sejun Cho?” Tanong ni Wonwoo nang makita si Sejun sa feed ni Mingyu.
“Pinsan ko, why?”
Napanganga si Wonwoo sa gulat. What are the odds?
“Dalawa lang kayong single sa inyong magpipinsan?” Dagdag niya.
“Huh. First of all, I’m definitely not single,” Mingyu pointed out with sass. “Second, paano mo alam na single siya?”
Umupo nang maayos si Wonwoo para sagutin ang tanong ng nobyo. Agad namang umangal si Mingyu when Wonwoo’s warmth left his side.
“Ano ba ‘yan, mahal, balik ka rito,” tila batang inagawan ng kendi si Mingyu.
“Wait! This is a serious conversation!” Pigil ni Wonwoo.
Umupo na rin tuloy siya nang maayos.
“Alam mo bang I went out with him before? Like last year,” pagkukwento ni Wonwoo.
Kumunot naman agad ang noo ni Mingyu. “Went out, like a date?”
Wonwoo nodded. “Before that, answer me, last year ba kayong dalawa lang ang single sa inyong magpipinsan?”
Napaisip naman si Mingyu. It took him a while before he answered. “Yes. I think. Kasi engagement party ng isa naming pinsan yung gabi na nagkita tayo. He wasn’t there because he didn’t like being asked when’s his turn.”
Wonwoo laughed at that. He knew well how that felt, he was once in that state. “Gets.” And after a while, he spoke again. “That’s kind of crazy…”
“What’s crazy, mahal?” Mingyu picked up where they left off. “What’s after that?”
Tinuon ni Wonwoo ang buong atensyon niya kay Mingyu. He sat up straight and faced the man.
“You know that I went on two dates bago tayo nagkakilala, ‘di ba?”
Mingyu sighed before he corrected Wonwoo again. “Correction, bago mo ako nakilala. I knew you long before that,” of course he had to be cocky about that.
Umirap naman si Wonwoo. “Daming corrections! Okay, fine. Anyway, I did that. And alam mo rin naman na disaster pareho yung naging outcome noong dates na ‘yon, right?”
“Mhm.”
Mingyu was listening closely to what Wonwoo was telling him. Kulang na lang ay hapitin niya ito palapit pa sa kaniya kung posible pang ilapit yung distansiya nila, e. They were already as entangled as possible, so he settled with just staring at his face.
“Sejun was the last one. And you know why it ended badly?” Wonwoo met his gaze.
“Bakit po?”
“He did tell me, in the middle of the date, that I was a good match for his cousin.” Nakangiting sambit nito.
Natawa naman si Mingyu, not actually grasping what Wonwoo had just told him.
“Siraulong Sejun, who in their right mind would say that to his date’s face?” Napapailing na komento ni Mingyu. He even made a mental note to poke fun at his cousin the next time they met.
“Sinong pinsan naman daw, mahal?” Lingon niyang muli kay Wonwoo.
Muntik nang masapo ng nakatatanda ang sariling noo nang ma-realize niyang hindi kaagad nakuha ni Mingyu yung kwento niya. He just threw him a look that said ‘duh’.
When Mingyu caught a glimpse of his reaction, that was the only time he actually realized what his boyfriend meant.
Sejun, his cousin. Told Wonwoo that he was a great match for a cousin.
Sejun. Na pinsan niya. Na nag-iisang kapwa niya single noong mga araw na ‘yon.
Mingyu stared at Wonwoo’s face.
“Fuck, mahal. ‘Di nga?” Hindi pa rin makapaniwalang usal niya.
Natawa naman si Wonwoo. “Oo nga.”
Agad niyang binalot ang nakatatanda sa isang mahigpit na yakap. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Wonwoo combed his hair and caressed his back.
“Siraulong Sejun talaga,” naiiling na sabi ni Mingyu. “But he was right about one thing, I’ll give him that.” He whispered against Wonwoo’s neck.
“Right about what?”
Inangat niya ang tingin niya bago sumagot. He gave his boyfriend a loving gaze.
“Right about you being the perfect match for me.”