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I can't stand to fly, I'm not that naive. I'm just out to find the better part of me.
I wish that I could cry, fall upon my knees. Find a way to lie 'bout a home I'll never see. It's not easy to be me.
Eddie’s voice in Buck’s ear was distant, too distant, he knew it, and when he realized that the world seemed so very far away, he blinked down at the ground. The ground that seemed pretty far away too. But then it was getting closer, he knew it was, and when he fell into the dirt, he only heard one voice, the voice he’d wanted in his ear ever since that first day outside of the ambulance, when they shook hands and promised to death. When they promised to always be together. Buck was only distantly aware of the world around him as he felt hands on his body, and a warm spark flickered through his skin and he realized who it was above him.
“Buck! Buck!” Fingers ran across his face and he pulled his eyes open just enough to see Eddie, crazed and worried and handsome Eddie. He was leaning over Buck and all Buck could do was whisper back,
“Eddie- Eddie I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, Buck. Y-you’re ok, you’re alright. I love you, we’re going to be ok.”
And maybe he was so dizzy, maybe he was so scared that he said it back… he said it back.
“Yeah. I love you too.”
“Buck, wake up, this nurse seems like your type.”
Buck made a point to keep his eyes closed.
“Buck, wake up, there’s a really attractive man holding vigil by your bedside.”
Buck opened his eyes and glanced at where Eddie was, lying in bed beside Buck like they did this all the time. Like this was normal, Eddie curled around Buck in bed, holding him like he was terrified someone was going to take him away again. “Eddie, it’s ok, I’m ok.”
“No, it’s not Buck, you could have-” Eddie shook his head, dropping his face into Buck’s stomach, his body bent over in the middle, hiding the sight of his tears in Buck’s hospital gown. Buck could feel the heat of Eddie’s skin sinking into the cloth of his gown, and he lifted his hand carefully to run a hand through Eddie’s short brown hair.
“I didn’t though. I didn’t, Eddie.”
Eddie lifted his head up to look at Buck, and when he did, a look came over his face, something Buck had never seen before, and then he… he slipped forward toward Buck’s mouth, and ran his fingers along the front of Buck’s body and pressed their lips together.
Buck thought that maybe he was dreaming, maybe he was wrong and there actually was something wrong with him. Maybe he’d bumped his head, or maybe-
Maybe Eddie loved him.
Maybe Eddie had meant it when he said-
Eddie pulled back with stars in his eyes, and his hands were pressing against Buck like he was the only solid thing he could hold onto. Like he was the only solid thing left, and they were floating somewhere far away.
“I love you.” Eddie whispered, and he pressed another kiss to Buck’s mouth, softly, delicately, like he didn’t want to break him.
Buck didn’t have the same trepidations. He grabbed onto Eddie’s waist and pulled him back in and they kissed on the hospital bed like teenagers. Because they were both alive, and they were both ok, and they were going to go home to Chris as soon as they could.
“Eddie, Eddie… I lo-”
“Shhh, baby. I know.”
Buck took a deep breath, full of Eddie Diaz, and their foreheads landed together, soft and safe.
“I know.” Eddie murmured again, and then he captured Buck’s mouth once more and when they drove home, and when Buck was healed, and after Eddie’s arm stopped hurting whenever he pulled something with it, they crawled into bed together and got to know each other even better.
And Buck thought to himself.
“I should have known.”
Even heroes have the right to bleed. Even heroes have the right to dream? You can all sleep sound tonight. Looking for special things inside of me.